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1
00:00:03,235 --> 00:00:06,304
[♪]
2
00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:15,740
Bud:
All the other parents
3
00:01:15,741 --> 00:01:17,475
Are throwing a party
for my soccer team.
4
00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:19,544
All my friends are
having a graduation party.
5
00:01:19,545 --> 00:01:22,080
I deserve it. I graduated.
My soccer team says you suck.
6
00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:24,049
I want a party, now!
I want a party too!
7
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:27,418
Kelly & bud:
Money, money,
money, money, money!
8
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:31,756
Mom, daddy's
gone away again.
9
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:36,294
Ah, he's just visiting
his retirement property.
10
00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:38,496
Well, how are we supposed
to know? He's always a veg.
11
00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:39,664
It's just as well.
12
00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:41,566
I'm sick of looki''
at him anyway.
13
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:52,276
Oh!
14
00:01:52,277 --> 00:01:54,478
Oh, peg, not you.
15
00:01:55,948 --> 00:01:57,481
I was in a hammock,
16
00:01:57,482 --> 00:02:01,353
Mourning the anniversary
of your passing.
17
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:02,954
Where were we,
daddy?
18
00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:04,588
See, kids,
it was a dream.
19
00:02:04,589 --> 00:02:06,424
You were replaced
by two six-packs
20
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:08,026
In the refrigerator.
21
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:12,797
Well,
weren't we cold?
22
00:02:12,798 --> 00:02:15,466
I was.
You were empty.
23
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,236
Oh, al,
24
00:02:18,237 --> 00:02:20,805
It's gonna take you 20 years
to pay off that property.
25
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:23,708
And once it's paid off, I'm
never gonna let you go there.
26
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:24,943
Come on, honey,
27
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:27,245
Take this "how well do
you know your mate?" quiz.
28
00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:28,346
No,
I hate those tests.
29
00:02:28,347 --> 00:02:30,882
They're designed
to bury men.
30
00:02:30,883 --> 00:02:32,150
I'm not playing.
31
00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:33,384
Question one.
32
00:02:33,385 --> 00:02:35,887
Okay, you have to close
your eyes for this one.
33
00:02:35,888 --> 00:02:38,389
What color is my hair?
34
00:02:41,093 --> 00:02:42,293
Red.
35
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,596
Well, good!
36
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:47,565
Question two:
37
00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:49,601
"who would you rather
spend the night with?
38
00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,436
A, your wife,
or b--"
39
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,604
B.
40
00:02:59,878 --> 00:03:02,780
Peggy,
I need some advice.
41
00:03:02,781 --> 00:03:04,649
Can we have
some privacy?
42
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,622
Open up, babe.
43
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,725
Tell us
what you got.
44
00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:15,093
We're here for you.
45
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,227
[sighs]
46
00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:20,031
Well...I went to
a banking seminar this weekend.
47
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,632
And I guess
the whole world knows
48
00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:24,668
No one parties
like a banker.
49
00:03:24,669 --> 00:03:27,372
Anyway, all I know is,
50
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,208
I woke up this morning
with a man in my bed.
51
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:31,910
I don't even know
who he is!
52
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:33,445
Well, that's easy.
He slept with you.
53
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,279
He's the stupidest man
on earth.
54
00:03:39,117 --> 00:03:41,319
Al, we're talking
about sex.
55
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,489
Leave it to those
who do it.
56
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,492
Now, marcie,
this is serious.
57
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,595
I want you to steady yourself
and concentrate.
58
00:03:50,596 --> 00:03:53,164
Was he any good?
59
00:03:53,165 --> 00:03:54,499
I don't know.
60
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,201
I don't even know
what he looks like.
61
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,269
Both:
All right!
62
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,671
Well,
when I woke up,
63
00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:02,407
His head was buried
in the pillow.
64
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:05,109
But I do know one thing:
65
00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:07,712
Apparently,
I married him.
66
00:04:07,713 --> 00:04:08,779
You got married?
67
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:09,914
Oh, let's not panic.
68
00:04:09,915 --> 00:04:11,816
If you married
everybody you slept with,
69
00:04:11,817 --> 00:04:14,719
You'd be mrs. Paperboy,
mrs. Insurance man, mrs. Navy.
70
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,588
[chuckles]
71
00:04:17,956 --> 00:04:20,558
No, idiot.
I really married him.
72
00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:21,859
Look at this ring.
73
00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,895
And then there's this:
74
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:27,798
"I went to clyde's no blood test
needed wedding chapel
75
00:04:27,799 --> 00:04:31,503
And all I got was
this lousy t-shirt."
76
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:32,537
[doorbell rings]
77
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:36,273
Oh, god,
it's my husband!
78
00:04:36,274 --> 00:04:37,475
Don't tell him
I'm here.
79
00:04:37,476 --> 00:04:39,911
She's here!
Come on in!
80
00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:53,524
I-I saw a woman
come over here.
81
00:04:53,525 --> 00:04:55,326
Are--? Are one of you
my wife?
82
00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:06,604
All right!
83
00:05:06,605 --> 00:05:08,372
Come on, sweetheart.
Let's go back to bed.
84
00:05:09,674 --> 00:05:11,109
Bye, daddy.
85
00:05:12,411 --> 00:05:13,344
No, no, no, no.
86
00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:15,346
You've made a mistake.
87
00:05:15,347 --> 00:05:17,615
I'm your wife!
88
00:05:17,616 --> 00:05:20,185
Now we can go
back to bed.
89
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,120
Oh, shut up.
90
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:24,488
It's me! It's me!
91
00:05:24,489 --> 00:05:25,556
You?
92
00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:28,392
Oh, yeah!
I remember you now.
93
00:05:28,393 --> 00:05:29,828
You were the one on top
94
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,797
Of the all-girl
banker pyramid.
95
00:05:32,798 --> 00:05:35,133
By the way,
my name is jefferson.
96
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:36,801
I'm marcie.
97
00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:37,935
Yeah, I'm al.
98
00:05:37,936 --> 00:05:40,071
So now that the beatles
have been reunited,
99
00:05:40,072 --> 00:05:42,607
You can get the hell
out of here.
100
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,408
You know, despite
our rocky beginning,
101
00:05:44,409 --> 00:05:47,144
I've got a really good feeling
about our marriage.
102
00:05:47,145 --> 00:05:48,780
What'd you say
your name was again?
103
00:05:54,086 --> 00:05:56,421
Peggy,
can I talk to you?
104
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:58,089
Bud,
come here.
105
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:01,726
We have enough
information
106
00:06:01,727 --> 00:06:04,061
To tell the neighbors now,
don't we?
107
00:06:04,062 --> 00:06:06,431
To sell the neighbors.
108
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,700
Do you do nothing
for free?
109
00:06:11,737 --> 00:06:13,504
Peggy, I'm worried.
110
00:06:13,505 --> 00:06:16,774
I don't know
my husband.
111
00:06:16,775 --> 00:06:20,110
Who does,
and who wants to?
112
00:06:20,111 --> 00:06:21,312
Face it, marcie,
113
00:06:21,313 --> 00:06:23,281
The average
man-woman relationship
114
00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:25,849
Has, tops, three weeks
of happiness.
115
00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:27,785
You know,
it's the happiness you feel
116
00:06:27,786 --> 00:06:29,887
When he still turns
away from you to burp,
117
00:06:29,888 --> 00:06:31,955
Rather than turning
towards you and saying,
118
00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:33,491
"pull my finger."
119
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:39,797
It's when he at least tries
to hit the toilet.
120
00:06:39,798 --> 00:06:43,167
And when during sex,
you're not lying there thinking,
121
00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:45,803
"what the hell
is he doing?"
122
00:06:45,804 --> 00:06:47,305
You know, you're lucky.
123
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:50,341
Your three weeks of happiness
are ahead of you.
124
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:52,210
Who cares who he is?
125
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:54,745
Look at him.
He's gorgeous.
126
00:06:54,746 --> 00:06:57,715
I say, saddle up, ride.
127
00:06:57,716 --> 00:07:01,519
And if he breaks a leg,
shoot him.
128
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,354
Now, jeff,
all kidding aside...
129
00:07:03,355 --> 00:07:05,556
Run.
130
00:07:05,557 --> 00:07:09,794
Run hard, run now,
run silent, run deep.
131
00:07:09,795 --> 00:07:12,797
Run like mexican water
through a first-time tourist,
132
00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:16,768
But the key word here
is "run."
133
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,637
Don't you think
she's cute, al?
134
00:07:19,638 --> 00:07:22,574
Run.
135
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:25,843
It's just that I can hardly
believe I'm now mrs...
136
00:07:25,844 --> 00:07:27,945
Darling?
137
00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:29,681
What's your last name?
138
00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:31,315
D'arcy.
139
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:42,460
Marcie d'arcy?
140
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:45,796
I'm now marcie d'arcy?
What have I done?
141
00:07:45,797 --> 00:07:47,298
Maybe I should
start wearing
142
00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:50,568
Little dresses
with dots on them.
143
00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:52,737
Oh, what's the matter, marcie?
144
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:54,739
Well,
aside from the fact
145
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:58,209
That I now have the name
of a cartoon character,
146
00:07:58,210 --> 00:08:01,245
I'm married and I don't
even remember the wedding.
147
00:08:01,246 --> 00:08:03,914
You remember this,
don't you?
148
00:08:11,756 --> 00:08:13,624
Oh, al.
149
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:14,859
Mmm.
150
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,965
Oh, al!
151
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:24,568
Oh, al!
152
00:08:24,569 --> 00:08:26,070
Oh, please.
They're two drunks
153
00:08:26,071 --> 00:08:28,606
Who haven't brushed
their teeth yet.
154
00:08:28,607 --> 00:08:29,908
Cut that out you two.
155
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:32,876
We don't do that
in our house.
156
00:08:32,877 --> 00:08:34,245
I refuse to let strangers
157
00:08:34,246 --> 00:08:36,647
Lay their vile customs
at our doorstep.
158
00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:41,486
And the yankees
take the field.
159
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,588
You know what
I was just thinking?
160
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:45,890
That hangovers
do come true?
161
00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:47,658
No, actually, I was thinking
162
00:08:47,659 --> 00:08:49,993
If you wanna have a wedding
to remember, let's have one.
163
00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:52,530
Let's have the grandest wedding
we can afford.
164
00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:53,665
Yes, let's!
165
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,400
I have $2,000 saved.
166
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:59,704
Okay. And, uh, let's see, that
brings us to a total of, uh...
167
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,006
$2,040.
168
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:08,646
[♪]
169
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,961
Marcie:
We can book a hall.
170
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,563
Oh, no.
You can't book a hall.
171
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:27,731
I won't hear of that.
How impersonal.
172
00:09:27,732 --> 00:09:30,501
You'll have your wedding
in god's cathedral:
173
00:09:30,502 --> 00:09:32,470
Our backyard.
174
00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:36,107
Your backyard
is buck's toilet.
175
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:40,578
No, your backyard
is buck's toilet.
176
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:41,879
Now, what do you say?
177
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,480
I don't know.
178
00:09:43,481 --> 00:09:44,916
Do you think
we can trust them?
179
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,650
Of course.
They look...
180
00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:53,658
Perfectly trustworthy to me,
and besides,
181
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:56,226
It's a closer trip
to the honeymoon suite.
182
00:09:56,227 --> 00:09:57,562
Come on,
let's pace it off now.
183
00:09:57,563 --> 00:09:59,296
[giggling]
184
00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:06,704
Two thousand dollars
buys a lot of dreams, eh, babe?
185
00:10:08,306 --> 00:10:11,576
["aloha 'oe" playing]
186
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,478
Man:
Oil you up again, ma'am?
187
00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:16,881
I'm sorry your husbandfell into that volcano
188
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:19,584
So he couldn't enjoy hawaii.
189
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:22,553
["the andy griffith show"themeplaying]
190
00:10:25,023 --> 00:10:28,225
Man [southern accent]:
They sure are a-bitin',eh, mr. Bundy?
191
00:10:28,226 --> 00:10:32,329
Too bad the wifedid a header into that quarry.
192
00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:35,866
She sure would have lovedyour retirement property.
193
00:10:37,836 --> 00:10:39,670
Oh, al.
194
00:10:39,671 --> 00:10:41,839
Oh, peg.
[chuckles]
195
00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:48,045
Yeah, I want to cater
a wedding.
196
00:10:48,046 --> 00:10:49,880
Um, I'm expecting
about 60 people,
197
00:10:49,881 --> 00:10:53,351
So I'll need about
two pounds of cold cuts.
198
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:56,086
Yeah,
what's your cheapest price?
199
00:10:56,087 --> 00:10:58,556
Uh-huh.
200
00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:03,027
And what kind of animal
would that be?
201
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:06,430
Well, at 12 cents a pound,
it's pretty steep.
202
00:11:06,431 --> 00:11:09,467
Anyway, could you throw
in some beaks and claws?
203
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,935
You got a deal.
204
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:13,704
[chuckles]
205
00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:15,439
[doorbell rings]
206
00:11:15,907 --> 00:11:17,708
Hi, al.
207
00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:20,678
Did you know there's
a little rain cloud
208
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,947
That only hangs
over your house?
209
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:26,851
Yeah, it showed up
after the kids were born.
210
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,286
What can I do for you?
211
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:31,622
Listen, al, if marcie should
come by asking for me,
212
00:11:31,623 --> 00:11:33,925
Would you tell her I went out
to buy her a gift, okay?
213
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,393
You're running, huh?
214
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:38,596
It's never quite the same
when you're sober, is it?
215
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,631
No, that's not it, al.
You see,
216
00:11:40,632 --> 00:11:44,234
I just haven't found a way yet
to tell marcie that...
217
00:11:44,235 --> 00:11:46,637
Well, I have to see
my parole officer.
218
00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,508
You mean, like,
219
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,643
"if there's only a bucket
of beaks at the wedding,
220
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:54,211
You'll go crazy
and start slashing"
221
00:11:54,212 --> 00:11:55,612
Kind of parole officer?
222
00:11:55,613 --> 00:11:57,548
No, I don't want you
to get the wrong idea, al.
223
00:11:57,549 --> 00:11:58,549
I'm not a bad guy,
okay?
224
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,384
I... I just, uh...
225
00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:02,252
You know...
226
00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:04,889
I stole a bunch of money
from people who trusted me.
227
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:05,990
That's all.
228
00:12:07,425 --> 00:12:09,693
You're not gonna tell
anybody, are you, al?
229
00:12:09,694 --> 00:12:11,929
It's not something
I'm real proud of.
230
00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:14,131
Especially since
I got caught.
231
00:12:14,132 --> 00:12:15,866
Well...
232
00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:17,334
Jeff,
I'll tell you something.
233
00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:19,403
Telling al bundy
is just like telling the wind.
234
00:12:19,404 --> 00:12:21,105
Well, thanks, al.
I appreciate it.
235
00:12:21,106 --> 00:12:22,306
That's all right.
See ya.
236
00:12:22,307 --> 00:12:23,407
Go ahead.
Take care.
237
00:12:25,476 --> 00:12:26,543
Peg!
238
00:12:26,544 --> 00:12:27,644
Peg!
239
00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:33,450
♪ I know a secret ♪
240
00:12:33,451 --> 00:12:35,153
What? What?
241
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,188
Guess who's been
mighty careful
242
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,090
Not to drop anything
in the shower
243
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,925
The last couple
of years?
244
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,627
Who? Who?
245
00:12:43,628 --> 00:12:45,797
Don't tell me!
Don't tell me!
246
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:48,566
Both:
Charades!
247
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:49,566
[both laughing]
248
00:12:52,137 --> 00:12:53,837
All right.
249
00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:55,772
This is about...
250
00:12:55,773 --> 00:12:58,542
Our new neighbor...
Jefferson.
251
00:12:58,543 --> 00:13:02,546
Jefferson!
Right!
252
00:13:02,547 --> 00:13:07,117
Now, the second part
is about...
253
00:13:07,118 --> 00:13:11,989
Where he was
before he met marcie.
254
00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:16,893
Okay, now,
sounds like...
255
00:13:16,894 --> 00:13:18,763
"hisson."
256
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,598
Hisson...
257
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,033
Misson...
258
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,668
Kisson...
259
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,069
Disson...
260
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,371
You're not listening
to what I'm saying.
261
00:13:27,372 --> 00:13:29,206
All right,
now try this.
262
00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,408
Two syllables.
First word.
263
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:36,680
What do jefferson,
pete rose,
264
00:13:36,681 --> 00:13:39,350
And your cousin
all have in common?
265
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:40,618
Prison!
266
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:42,353
Jefferson
was in prison!
267
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:43,553
Yes!
268
00:13:43,554 --> 00:13:45,222
[laughing]
269
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,861
Gee, that's great.
270
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:52,062
Does marcie know?
271
00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:53,731
No, and we're not gonna
tell her either
272
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,499
Because then she'll
cancel the wedding,
273
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,902
And I won't get to pay off
my retirement property.
274
00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:59,570
You mean our trip
to hawaii.
275
00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:01,505
Yeah.
276
00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:03,441
Yeah.
That's what I meant.
277
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:06,343
Oh, kiss me, you fool.
278
00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:07,110
Both:
Mmm-mwah.
279
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:12,716
Al:
Get your rice!
280
00:14:13,885 --> 00:14:15,352
Get your wedding rice
here!
281
00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:19,423
Get your rice!
282
00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:20,758
Al.
283
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,459
Honey, what is bud's
soccer team
284
00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:24,728
And kelly's model friends
doing here at the wedding?
285
00:14:24,729 --> 00:14:27,031
Oh, I had to cut a deal
with the damn kids.
286
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,432
They said they'd
spill the beans
287
00:14:28,433 --> 00:14:29,966
If I didn't
give 'em a party.
288
00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:32,136
They blackmailed me, peg.
289
00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:34,505
This lack of ethics,
290
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:35,506
Where does it come from?
291
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:38,242
Well, I blame it
on tv myself.
292
00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:41,846
You don't think this is gonna
cut into our profit, do you?
293
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:45,482
That's why I eliminated
some of marcie's guests.
294
00:14:45,483 --> 00:14:46,583
Where's my mother?
295
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:50,521
She won't be here,
296
00:14:50,522 --> 00:14:52,189
And you should hear this
from a friend:
297
00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:53,724
She doesn't love you
anymore.
298
00:14:53,725 --> 00:14:55,625
Get your red hots here!
299
00:14:55,626 --> 00:14:57,061
Well,
and where's aunt mary?
300
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,496
Mary, mary, mary...
301
00:14:58,497 --> 00:14:59,797
Oh, she got got snowed in.
302
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,032
She lives in phoenix.
303
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,799
Oh, yeah. That was ida
who got snowed in.
304
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,468
No, mary's the one
who, uh...
305
00:15:04,469 --> 00:15:05,670
Who died.
306
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:07,804
Get your wedding pretzels!
307
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:10,907
[sighs]
308
00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:14,611
Welcome to my wedding.
309
00:15:14,612 --> 00:15:16,380
Are you a friend
of the groom's?
310
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,882
[burps]
311
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:22,319
Al, I think marcie's
getting suspicious.
312
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,721
We better get
the show on the road
313
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:25,188
And get me to hawaii.
314
00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:27,358
I wanna be there
for the running of the samoans.
315
00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:28,459
Okey-dokey.
316
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:32,296
Well, what's that?
317
00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:34,632
That's the reverend.
318
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,267
That's captain hank.
319
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,968
See, a lot of these
church-affiliated,
320
00:15:37,969 --> 00:15:39,102
Land-lovin' reverends
321
00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:41,272
Want money to perform
a wedding ceremony.
322
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,506
But not old captain hank.
323
00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:44,575
You give him a bottle
of redeye and a playboy,
324
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:46,209
And he'll marry
your mother to a cow.
325
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:48,211
[laughs]
326
00:15:50,348 --> 00:15:55,152
Retirement property one
to garbage scow toxica.
327
00:15:55,153 --> 00:15:56,453
Come in.
328
00:15:56,454 --> 00:15:57,988
[static buzzing]
329
00:15:57,989 --> 00:15:59,790
Captain hank:
Toxica here, al.
330
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,091
We're headinginto a squall.
331
00:16:01,092 --> 00:16:02,793
Let's kick this weddinginto gear, huh?
332
00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:04,995
All right, everybody?
Take your places.
333
00:16:04,996 --> 00:16:05,996
Places, everybody.
334
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:10,735
Where's reverend applebee?
335
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:13,838
Uh, he had an exorcism
in akron. Let's go!
336
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,238
Let's go!
337
00:16:15,239 --> 00:16:17,675
Daddy, this is
the bestest graduation party
338
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,109
A girl ever had.
339
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:20,143
Thank you.
340
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:26,384
She's so dumb she doesn't
even know she's at a wedding.
341
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,319
Are you sure you spent
342
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,221
The whole $2,000
on the wedding?
343
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:31,255
You can look at all this
344
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:33,557
And ask me a question
like that?
345
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:36,394
Well, the bridesmaid's
in place.
346
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:48,939
That's not my sister.
347
00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:50,207
Hey, unlike your sister,
348
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:52,176
At least he cares enough
to be here.
349
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,311
Now, bring on
the orchestra!
350
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:56,780
[playing pleasant melody]
351
00:17:00,284 --> 00:17:01,485
♪ fun ♪
352
00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:06,857
Honey,
enough of the music now.
353
00:17:08,493 --> 00:17:10,260
Jefferson, jeff--
come this way.
354
00:17:10,261 --> 00:17:13,196
You two approach
the speaker.
355
00:17:14,332 --> 00:17:16,167
Captain hank,
you still there?
356
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,635
[wind whistling]
357
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:20,270
Captain hank:
Yeah, but we'retakin' on water here.
358
00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:21,839
Have the couple join hands.
359
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,941
They're already
joined, hank.
360
00:17:24,942 --> 00:17:27,178
Do you take this womanto be your wife?
361
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,546
I-I do.
362
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,547
I can't hear ya.
363
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,248
He did, hank!
364
00:17:31,249 --> 00:17:33,417
Now the broad.Do you take--?
365
00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:36,453
I would now like to read
a poem I wrote to my love.
366
00:17:37,722 --> 00:17:40,591
Jeffersonmy sudden love
367
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,493
My love so truemy shining--
368
00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:43,994
Captain hank:
Can't hear ya, hon!
369
00:17:43,995 --> 00:17:45,195
I do!
370
00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:47,031
I now pronounce you--
371
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,833
Damn it, we just hita speedboat.
372
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:50,968
You're nowhusband and wife.
373
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,137
Full astern.Let's get outta here!
374
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,939
[static hisses]
375
00:18:00,878 --> 00:18:02,847
You may now
kiss the bride.
376
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:05,182
I may now
kill the host.
377
00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:06,950
This is the worst day
of my life!
378
00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,219
Where are my guests?
Where's the photographer?
379
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,522
I-- I did better than that.
I got a wedding artist. Bud.
380
00:18:24,302 --> 00:18:27,004
Copies will take
a couple of weeks.
381
00:18:29,607 --> 00:18:31,107
Al bundy,
you will pay for this!
382
00:18:31,108 --> 00:18:32,609
You're a cheat,
a thief and a liar!
383
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:33,910
Well, now...
384
00:18:33,911 --> 00:18:35,346
Would it make you
feel any better
385
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:36,714
If I gave you
a wedding present?
386
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:39,450
Well, it's a start.
387
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,284
Okay.
388
00:18:41,285 --> 00:18:43,186
Your husband
was in prison.
389
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:52,863
You were in prison,
and you didn't tell me?
390
00:18:52,864 --> 00:18:55,165
Well, I think it's time
to go to the airport.
391
00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:58,335
Kids, turn on the sprinklers.
Wedding's over.
392
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,173
Son!
393
00:19:04,942 --> 00:19:09,179
You're looking at
the official owner of lot 31,
394
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:10,380
Right across the highway
395
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:13,116
From a view of
lake chicamocomico.
396
00:19:14,519 --> 00:19:15,585
Cool, dad.
Where's mom?
397
00:19:15,586 --> 00:19:16,787
She's at the airport.
398
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:18,989
Oh, don't worry,
she can earn enough to get home.
399
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,590
She took her accordion
with her.
400
00:19:23,461 --> 00:19:24,895
Where's your sister?
401
00:19:24,896 --> 00:19:27,197
Oh. She went to wisconsin
with the bikers.
402
00:19:27,198 --> 00:19:29,066
Okay.
403
00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:30,668
Al?
404
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,102
Hey, jefferson.
405
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:33,637
Where's the blushing bride?
406
00:19:33,638 --> 00:19:34,905
She's jabbing a fork
407
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:36,540
Into the eyes
of the little groom
408
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:38,775
That was on top
of our wedding twinkie.
409
00:19:38,776 --> 00:19:39,944
Al:
Ah.
410
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,679
Good. Good, good, good.
411
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,614
Son, now look here.
412
00:19:44,615 --> 00:19:46,716
These giant
redwood trees?
413
00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:48,252
They're over
a thousand years old.
414
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:49,887
I'm gonna cut me
one of these down,
415
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:52,289
Use it for the base
of my satellite dish.
416
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,792
Listen, al, I just stopped by
to thank you
417
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:57,094
For utterly betraying
my trust.
418
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:58,461
It was malicious
and foul,
419
00:19:58,462 --> 00:20:00,697
But I think it's gonna turn out
to be a blessing.
420
00:20:00,698 --> 00:20:02,432
I mean, it helps
get our marriage off
421
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:05,035
To a honest, healthy,
harmonious start.
422
00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,670
Marcie:
Jefferson d'arcy,
423
00:20:06,671 --> 00:20:10,840
Get your lying,
inmate ass over here now!
424
00:20:16,514 --> 00:20:17,881
Oh, no.
425
00:20:17,882 --> 00:20:19,949
You know, in prison
I could have had her silenced
426
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,785
For three cigarettes.
427
00:20:21,786 --> 00:20:22,853
Oh, well.
428
00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:24,455
Wait. By the way,
mr. D'arcy,
429
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:25,623
What were you in for,
anyway?
430
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,857
Nothing big.
431
00:20:27,858 --> 00:20:32,062
Just a scam to sell plots around
this toxic little waste pond
432
00:20:32,063 --> 00:20:33,797
Called lake chicamocomico.
433
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:42,439
The place
is so contaminated
434
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,007
It won't be safe
for habitation
435
00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:45,409
Till the year
5 million.
436
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,710
[chuckles]
437
00:20:46,711 --> 00:20:49,580
Now, it hit the news
four years ago.
438
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:50,880
Would you believe it?
439
00:20:50,881 --> 00:20:53,350
Some of the truly stupid are
still sending in payments.
440
00:20:53,351 --> 00:20:54,918
[laughs]
441
00:20:55,452 --> 00:20:56,620
Ah, stupid.
442
00:21:20,344 --> 00:21:22,946
Well, it beats going to hawaii
with your mother.
443
00:21:26,317 --> 00:21:29,152
And what's 5 million years
in the, uh...
444
00:21:29,153 --> 00:21:32,188
Scheme of the life
of one man?
445
00:21:32,189 --> 00:21:33,957
Well, dad,
446
00:21:33,958 --> 00:21:35,492
You always got
your dreams.
447
00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:36,960
Yeah, right.
448
00:21:40,231 --> 00:21:43,266
["the andy griffith show"themeplaying]
449
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,825
[♪]
30831
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