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1
00:00:02,935 --> 00:00:05,904
[♪]
2
00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:16,341
[mysterious theme playing]
3
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:17,675
[woman breathing heavily]
4
00:01:17,676 --> 00:01:19,077
Man:
We'll be right back
5
00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:23,448
With more on dateless dude
late night theater.
6
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:29,821
Woman:
Do you like to be spanked?
7
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,591
Well, I'm lookingfor some naughty boys
8
00:01:33,592 --> 00:01:36,027
Who need my special brandof discipline.
9
00:01:36,028 --> 00:01:39,464
Just dial the numberyou see on the screen.
10
00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:40,832
And remember, kids,
11
00:01:40,833 --> 00:01:43,768
Be sure to askyour parents' permission.
12
00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:46,304
[woman clapping]
13
00:01:46,305 --> 00:01:47,472
Let's go!
14
00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:55,713
Hello?
15
00:01:55,714 --> 00:01:58,149
Yes, I-I've been bad.
16
00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:02,954
Do what?
17
00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:05,390
Well, if I have to.
18
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:09,995
[barking]
19
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,897
[howling]
20
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,765
[barking]
21
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:14,899
[howling]
22
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:16,701
[barking]
23
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,572
Pretty cool, bud.
24
00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:30,381
Uh...That was
buck's mother.
25
00:02:32,918 --> 00:02:35,854
Well, he didn't wanna
talk to her so I just...
26
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:38,089
Yeah, save it
for the psychiatrist, bud.
27
00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:40,225
Now, why don't you
just go on upstairs
28
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,727
And nick-at-nite
yourself to sleep?
29
00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:45,363
I need use
of the couch.
30
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,534
I was here first.
31
00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,902
And besides, last time
you and a victim used the couch,
32
00:02:51,903 --> 00:02:53,103
We had to de-flea it.
33
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,475
Or have you forgotten
about the lester incident?
34
00:02:57,476 --> 00:03:01,979
Hey, I got a brother
named lester.
35
00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:05,583
Do you?
36
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:11,055
Look, kel...
37
00:03:11,056 --> 00:03:12,723
Why should you
be stuck downstairs?
38
00:03:12,724 --> 00:03:14,792
You're 18.
You can do what you want.
39
00:03:14,793 --> 00:03:16,361
I mean, you don't have to use
the sofa
40
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,995
Or the back seat of a car.
41
00:03:17,996 --> 00:03:19,697
Or that dirty pile of laundry
42
00:03:19,698 --> 00:03:22,467
You used last night
with mongo.
43
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:24,202
No.
44
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:28,506
I got a brother
named mongo.
45
00:03:30,075 --> 00:03:31,343
You're right.
46
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:32,910
I am an adult.
47
00:03:32,911 --> 00:03:35,146
I mean, why am I sneaking boys
in the house?
48
00:03:35,147 --> 00:03:37,882
I'm not 12 anymore.
49
00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:39,117
Come on, let's go upstairs
50
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,818
And play strip nintendo
like adults.
51
00:03:40,819 --> 00:03:42,019
All right.
52
00:03:48,527 --> 00:03:49,694
Kelly:
Oh, hi, daddy.
53
00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:51,463
I'm 18, and I can do
whatever I want.
54
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:52,831
This is jake.
55
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:55,032
Jake:
Hi. We're goin'
to kelly's room.
56
00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,167
Hold my calls.
57
00:03:56,168 --> 00:03:57,736
[al chuckles]
58
00:04:06,812 --> 00:04:09,180
Hi, jake. Uh, I'm sorry
kelly didn't introduce us.
59
00:04:09,181 --> 00:04:10,849
But before you go
to the room,
60
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,950
Let me, uh, introduce you
to the rest of the house.
61
00:04:12,951 --> 00:04:15,887
This is the end
of the banister.
62
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,455
Oh, and, uh, meet my wall.
63
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:22,126
Now, what's that, jake?
You say, "how do you get out?"
64
00:04:22,127 --> 00:04:23,495
Well, how 'bout the door?
65
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,129
No, please don't.
66
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:26,364
Oh, don't worry about it.
67
00:04:26,365 --> 00:04:28,400
[sighs]
68
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:29,801
[grunting]
69
00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:47,151
Don't be a stranger.
70
00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:50,355
Gee, bud,
judging by where he landed,
71
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:51,756
I'd say
I'm about 8, 10 inches
72
00:04:51,757 --> 00:04:54,558
From my record toss
of 20 feet.
73
00:04:54,559 --> 00:04:55,760
I believe that was,
uh...
74
00:04:55,761 --> 00:04:56,895
Uh, larry.
75
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,163
Jake:
Hey, I got a brother
named larry.
76
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,201
Daddy,
we have to talk.
77
00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:06,438
I'm 18,
and I have my rights.
78
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,572
Believe her, dad.
She's heard them plenty enough.
79
00:05:08,573 --> 00:05:10,074
She has the right
to remain silent,
80
00:05:10,075 --> 00:05:11,676
The right
to an attorney...
81
00:05:11,677 --> 00:05:13,311
Don't you have to get
on your hands and knees
82
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,378
And call somebody?
83
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:20,418
Come on, daddy.
Why can't I do what I want?
84
00:05:20,419 --> 00:05:24,722
Peg:
Al, honey,
I need my tushy rubbed.
85
00:05:25,691 --> 00:05:27,192
You see what can happen
86
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,026
When you sneak
into somebody's bedroom
87
00:05:29,027 --> 00:05:30,461
Before you're married?
88
00:05:30,462 --> 00:05:32,563
Well, I want my rights
in this house.
89
00:05:32,564 --> 00:05:34,031
And I am gonna hold my breath
90
00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:36,901
Until you understand
that I am an adult.
91
00:05:36,902 --> 00:05:38,068
[inhales]
92
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,674
I'm holding it.
93
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,109
I am not breathing.
94
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,878
I'm really serious
this time.
95
00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:51,082
I think I'm blacking out.
96
00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:52,750
There, I've done it.
I've blacked out.
97
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:53,884
Are you happy now?
98
00:05:56,521 --> 00:05:58,022
She may need
mouth-to-mouth, dad.
99
00:05:58,023 --> 00:06:00,191
Should I call
some street-corner bums?
100
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,795
It is just those kind
of inseminations
101
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:06,864
That make daddy think
I'm a bad girl.
102
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,200
Oops, I breathed.
103
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:10,567
[inhales]
104
00:06:10,568 --> 00:06:12,170
[sighs]
god, this is hard.
105
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:13,637
How do those guys
on submarines
106
00:06:13,638 --> 00:06:16,174
Hold their breath
for so long?
107
00:06:17,642 --> 00:06:19,343
Uh, pumpkin...
108
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,879
In order
for a house to be a home,
109
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,981
Only one can make the rules.
110
00:06:23,982 --> 00:06:25,916
And in this house,
those rules...
111
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:31,823
[whispers]
...Are made by the man.
112
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,725
Daddy, if you won't listen
to reason,
113
00:06:34,726 --> 00:06:37,529
Then I am just gonna have to get
my own place to live.
114
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,297
Sweetheart,
threats don't work on me.
115
00:06:40,298 --> 00:06:44,168
Peg [whining]:
No one's rubbing my tush!
116
00:06:46,805 --> 00:06:51,208
You see, I've already
been to hell.
117
00:06:58,149 --> 00:06:59,717
She's leavin', al.
118
00:06:59,718 --> 00:07:01,853
Do you know
what that means?
119
00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:03,721
It means we're old.
120
00:07:03,722 --> 00:07:05,356
Old, al.
121
00:07:05,357 --> 00:07:06,858
It's not so hard for you.
122
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:09,694
You've been old.
123
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:12,663
I just never thought
this would happen to me.
124
00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:14,732
Here it comes.
125
00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:16,868
Am I getting old?
126
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:19,970
How would I know?
I never look at you.
127
00:07:22,741 --> 00:07:23,741
[sighs]
128
00:07:23,742 --> 00:07:25,143
Well, dad...
129
00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:30,648
I guess
this is au revoir.
130
00:07:30,649 --> 00:07:31,849
Mom...
131
00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:33,852
Adidas.
132
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,020
[crying]
oh.
133
00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:38,556
All right now, there,
missy.
134
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:41,659
I think we've played this
charade a little bit too long.
135
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,261
Now, you don't fool me
for one minute,
136
00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:44,628
But look at your mother.
137
00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:45,897
You got her so worried,
138
00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:49,200
She's looking
every bit her 50 years.
139
00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:50,835
I'm sorry, daddy,
140
00:07:50,836 --> 00:07:52,804
But if you won't respect me
as an adult,
141
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,840
I have no choice
but to be my own mistress.
142
00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:00,177
Hey, what do you mean, 50?
143
00:08:00,178 --> 00:08:01,913
Where'd you get 50?
144
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:05,482
Well, 'cause 100 was taken
by your mother.
145
00:08:05,483 --> 00:08:06,651
Now...
146
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:10,754
Pumpkin, let me explain
something to you.
147
00:08:10,755 --> 00:08:14,125
Don't be fooled
by couchise over here.
148
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:15,393
In the real world,
149
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:17,495
You can't find a place to live
without money.
150
00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:18,829
I have money.
151
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:21,499
Two hundred
and forty-six dollars.
152
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,067
She's leaving, al.
153
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:25,036
Say something to her.
154
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:28,605
Pumpkin, could you loan
your old dad a couple of bucks?
155
00:08:28,606 --> 00:08:30,207
There's this new
bowling ball I want.
156
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:31,875
You know,
blue with a swirl?
157
00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:35,246
It's only $80.
You know I'm good for it.
158
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:39,183
Goodbye, mom.
159
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:41,219
[crying]
oh!
160
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,488
She's gone.
161
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,523
Al, our baby's gone.
162
00:08:45,524 --> 00:08:47,091
Hold me.
163
00:08:47,092 --> 00:08:50,028
Well, I didn't hold you when we
conceived her. Why start now?
164
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,330
[crying]
oh, al.
165
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:59,737
There, there, old one.
There, there.
166
00:08:59,738 --> 00:09:03,440
Al, I'm really
gettin' worried.
167
00:09:03,441 --> 00:09:05,009
Kelly promised
that she'd call.
168
00:09:05,010 --> 00:09:07,945
And it's been
six hours.
169
00:09:07,946 --> 00:09:10,447
A-and yet you were okay
when she used to go to drive-ins
170
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:13,417
In a van that read
"virgin sacrifice tour '90."
171
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,454
You know, not everybody
in ripped jeans,
172
00:09:17,455 --> 00:09:19,223
No underwear
and a black hood
173
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:21,492
Is a bad influence,
honey.
174
00:09:21,493 --> 00:09:23,427
Go away, peg.
175
00:09:23,428 --> 00:09:25,663
Al, was I
a good mother?
176
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:27,865
You're not even
a good smoke.
177
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,566
Oh, bud,
178
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:30,701
My son,
179
00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:32,002
Where are you going?
180
00:09:32,003 --> 00:09:34,072
Honey,
don't forget a jacket, heh.
181
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,873
Mom, it's
80 degrees outside.
182
00:09:35,874 --> 00:09:36,874
Come here.
183
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:39,109
Let me feel your head.
184
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:41,679
Gee, it's kind of lumpy,
heh.
185
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,216
I-- I never
noticed that before.
186
00:09:46,217 --> 00:09:47,317
[chuckles]
187
00:09:47,318 --> 00:09:50,288
Bud, was I
a good mother?
188
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,123
Well, you must
have been.
189
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:53,758
I was the only
8-month-old baby
190
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,960
Who knew how to change
his own diaper.
191
00:09:55,961 --> 00:09:59,764
Well, I wish you
would have said something.
192
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,166
Anyhow, from now on,
193
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:04,034
I am really gonna be
a great mom.
194
00:10:04,035 --> 00:10:06,771
You'll see.
We'll be just like pals.
195
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:07,872
[laughing]
196
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,573
[sighs]
197
00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:11,776
♪ hush, little baby ♪
198
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,478
♪ don't you cry ♪
199
00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:20,517
[crying]
♪ mama's gonna give you
a pizza pie ♪
200
00:10:20,518 --> 00:10:22,053
Uh, dad?
201
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:23,321
Oh, yeah.
202
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:25,523
Yeah, I didn't see you
rushin' and helpin' me
203
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:29,560
When I was rubbin' her butt,
lo, those many years.
204
00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:34,098
There's a 10-spot
in it for you, dad.
205
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,535
Oh, all right.
206
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:39,169
Peg...
207
00:10:39,170 --> 00:10:41,406
Leave the boy go.
208
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:44,876
But I need someone
to hug.
209
00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:47,812
You're on your own, son.
210
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,213
[phone rings]
211
00:10:49,848 --> 00:10:50,915
I'll get it.
212
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:53,418
Oh, my baby.
213
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,520
Oh.
Mom, I'm warning you.
214
00:10:58,823 --> 00:10:59,924
Hello?
215
00:10:59,925 --> 00:11:01,459
Hi, kelly.
216
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,893
Okay, yeah,
I'll tell them.
217
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:05,096
Bye.
218
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,731
She got an apartment.
219
00:11:07,732 --> 00:11:10,234
[sobbing]
220
00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:15,506
♪ and if that pizza pie
don't sing ♪
221
00:11:15,507 --> 00:11:21,546
♪ mama's gonna buy you
a chicken wing ♪
222
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,581
[sobbing]
223
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,524
My little baby.
224
00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:38,563
Just a little, wittle,
wuddle, luddle man.
225
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,364
Open the hangar.
226
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:43,834
Here it comes.
227
00:11:44,536 --> 00:11:46,737
[sighs]
228
00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:51,109
Help me.
229
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,609
What are you
complainin' about?
230
00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:54,479
At least you're eatin'.
231
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,849
You'll never leave
your mommy, will you?
232
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:59,884
Why would I go out
with a girl my age,
233
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:00,885
When I can stay home
234
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,120
And be oiled
and powdered
235
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,288
By my insane mother?
236
00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:09,360
Oh, al, what will I do
when he's too big to cuddle?
237
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,796
That's it.
That does it for me.
238
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,164
If you need me,
I'll be upstairs
239
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,199
Writing
my soon-to-be-published...
240
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,367
How to stay coolwhile mommy watches you tinkle.
241
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,506
Pookie, can we talk?
242
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:24,608
Oh, sure. I just have
to mash 'nanas for bud's lunch.
243
00:12:26,478 --> 00:12:28,212
Well, I didn't
wanna interrupt you
244
00:12:28,213 --> 00:12:31,181
While you were, um,
emasculating our son,
245
00:12:31,182 --> 00:12:34,251
But, uh, peg,
I suspect your mind,
246
00:12:34,252 --> 00:12:37,321
Uh, much like the lost
continent of atlantis,
247
00:12:37,322 --> 00:12:40,458
No longer appears
on any map.
248
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:44,695
You know, al,
kids grow up so darn fast.
249
00:12:44,696 --> 00:12:45,930
Let's have another baby.
250
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,664
[chuckling]
251
00:12:47,665 --> 00:12:49,233
Gee, peg,
there's a couple of things
252
00:12:49,234 --> 00:12:51,001
I'd rather do first.
253
00:12:51,002 --> 00:12:53,503
Uh, I'd rather dive
off the sears tower
254
00:12:53,504 --> 00:12:57,107
Headfirst
into a thumbtack.
255
00:12:59,077 --> 00:13:01,378
Or I'd rather
bait a crocodile
256
00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:04,215
With my manhood.
257
00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:08,285
Which, I believe,
is what got me into this mess.
258
00:13:08,286 --> 00:13:10,354
Oh, wait a minute.
I-- but I forgot.
259
00:13:10,355 --> 00:13:12,256
You're as loony
as a tune.
260
00:13:12,257 --> 00:13:14,024
So of course,
we can have another child.
261
00:13:14,025 --> 00:13:15,193
Oh, look,
262
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:16,427
Here comes
our baby now.
263
00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:19,063
Let's call him
insane-o.
264
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:21,032
The product
of our love.
265
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:23,334
You don't even miss kelly,
do you?
266
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:25,102
Nope.
267
00:13:25,103 --> 00:13:27,605
You are an unfeeling brute.
268
00:13:27,606 --> 00:13:29,974
I must bathe my boy.
269
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,074
Oh, bud?
270
00:13:31,075 --> 00:13:32,676
Here comes mommy.
271
00:13:32,677 --> 00:13:37,681
Get out the ducky sponge.
272
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,031
I'm not
an unfeeling brute.
273
00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:56,833
She's 18.
She oughta be gone.
274
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:58,935
If I didn't get to lick
the mashed 'nana bowl,
275
00:13:58,936 --> 00:14:00,471
I'd be gone too.
276
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:01,572
[click]
277
00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:02,974
Woman:
Today on oprah:
278
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,009
Parents who just don'tgive a damn
279
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,543
And grew old and depressed
280
00:14:06,544 --> 00:14:09,213
Because their childrenleft and won't talk to them.
281
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:10,448
[clicks]
282
00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:11,582
Girl:
Daddy, can I have
283
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,117
A buddy burger?
284
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,152
Man:
No, honey, you've hadtoo many already.
285
00:14:15,153 --> 00:14:16,287
Then I hate you,
286
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:18,622
And I'm running awayforever.
287
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:20,291
Announcer:
Bonnie did run away,
288
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:23,660
Into the pathof a speeding truck.
289
00:14:23,661 --> 00:14:25,929
The moral is, have usscrape one off the grill
290
00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:29,666
So you don't have to scrape oneoff the street.
291
00:14:33,938 --> 00:14:35,739
Singers:
♪ buddy buddybuddy burgers ♪
292
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,008
♪ made with love ♪
293
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,777
Announcer:
And lard!
294
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:41,512
[doorbell rings]
[click]
295
00:14:47,452 --> 00:14:48,685
Excuse me, al.
296
00:14:48,686 --> 00:14:50,521
I'd like you to meet
my new boyfriend, sam.
297
00:14:52,623 --> 00:14:54,158
Al...
298
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,060
Tell sam what
you do for a living.
299
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,894
Well, I...
300
00:14:57,895 --> 00:14:59,363
I sell shoes.
301
00:15:03,935 --> 00:15:06,070
And how long
have you been doing this?
302
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,604
Twenty years.
303
00:15:10,475 --> 00:15:13,477
And finally, exactly how old
are the socks
304
00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:15,246
You're wearing
on your feet?
305
00:15:16,214 --> 00:15:19,483
Not quite as old
as the hair on your legs.
306
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,558
I'm glad you're here, marce.
307
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:28,825
I have to talk to you.
308
00:15:28,826 --> 00:15:31,595
Uh, you know kelly,
don't you?
309
00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:32,896
Blond, pretty.
310
00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:34,565
Her boyfriends
sometimes climb
311
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,434
Into my room
by mistake?
312
00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:39,202
Yes, believe I know
the young lady.
313
00:15:39,203 --> 00:15:42,806
Well,
if she had $246,
314
00:15:42,807 --> 00:15:43,807
She could find a--
315
00:15:43,808 --> 00:15:45,743
A nice place to live,
couldn't she?
316
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,445
Two hundred
and forty-six dollars?
317
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:50,380
Well, with money like that
to throw around,
318
00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:52,082
You gotta figure
she's either living
319
00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:55,019
In a big gulp cup...
320
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,689
Or she's selli''
her body for pez.
321
00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:00,024
Why do you ask?
322
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,859
Well,
she moved out.
323
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:03,294
Think I should
go get her?
324
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,695
Absolutely not.
325
00:16:04,696 --> 00:16:06,163
Now, this is
kelly's first step
326
00:16:06,164 --> 00:16:07,665
Towards independence.
327
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:10,133
I mean, even if she's starving
and freezing to death
328
00:16:10,134 --> 00:16:12,169
And setting a rat
on fire for heat,
329
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:14,104
She's still
better off.
330
00:16:14,105 --> 00:16:15,972
I mean, if you go
and rescue her,
331
00:16:15,973 --> 00:16:17,441
You are only
going to reinforce
332
00:16:17,442 --> 00:16:18,642
The traditional role
333
00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:21,178
Of female subservience
to men.
334
00:16:21,179 --> 00:16:24,582
And it's something
I find personally odious.
335
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,016
Let's see some knee, babe.
336
00:16:26,017 --> 00:16:28,252
[giggles]
337
00:16:32,023 --> 00:16:33,257
So don't worry.
338
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:35,125
It may not be
and easy road, but--
339
00:16:35,126 --> 00:16:36,727
Stop that,
you scamp.
340
00:16:36,728 --> 00:16:38,429
[giggling]
341
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,764
But I think kelly
is perfectly capable
342
00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:42,666
Of surviving
on her own.
343
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:46,170
Marcie [echoing]:
On her own. On her own.On her own.
344
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,838
["daddy's little girl" playing]
345
00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:56,747
♪ you're the endof the rainbow ♪
346
00:16:56,748 --> 00:17:03,287
♪ my pot of gold ♪
347
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:08,793
♪ you're daddy'slittle girl ♪
348
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:13,964
♪ to have and hold ♪
349
00:17:13,965 --> 00:17:19,703
♪ a precious gem ♪
350
00:17:19,704 --> 00:17:23,541
♪ is what you are ♪
351
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,776
♪ and you're ♪
352
00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:29,880
♪ daddy's ♪
353
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:35,252
♪ little girl ♪
354
00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:40,858
♪ and you're daddy's ♪
355
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:44,662
♪ little girl ♪
356
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:51,435
So all I'm trying
to say here is,
357
00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:52,702
With a little luck,
358
00:17:52,703 --> 00:17:54,037
Kelly will
turn out to be
359
00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:56,006
As strong
and independent
360
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:58,242
As the woman you see
before you.
361
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:00,110
Give me some lip,
baby.
362
00:18:06,517 --> 00:18:07,851
I'm coming,
pumpkin!
363
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,631
[doorbell rings]
364
00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:24,702
Daddy.
365
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,069
Hi, pumpkin.
366
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,972
I came to see
how you're doin'.
367
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:29,072
Well, come in.
368
00:18:30,841 --> 00:18:32,309
I, uh...
369
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:35,678
I brought you somethin'.
370
00:18:36,214 --> 00:18:38,282
Pez?
371
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,751
Yeah, I-I-I-- you know,
I didn't want you to have to...
372
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:43,387
You know,
do anything for 'em.
373
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:46,590
Hey, this is some place.
This is--
374
00:18:46,591 --> 00:18:48,659
Wow, a tv.
375
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,427
Is that a cable box?
Mm-hm.
376
00:18:50,428 --> 00:18:53,063
Wow.
377
00:18:53,064 --> 00:18:55,065
Gee, what's blowin'
on my neck?
378
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:56,867
It's the air conditioning,
daddy.
379
00:18:56,868 --> 00:18:59,670
Ohhh.
380
00:18:59,671 --> 00:19:01,705
Well, what else
you got here?
381
00:19:01,706 --> 00:19:02,973
Nice.
382
00:19:09,814 --> 00:19:13,150
Great caesar's ghost!
383
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,323
You were worried about me,
weren't you, daddy?
384
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,392
Move over, kelly.
385
00:19:22,727 --> 00:19:26,663
You know, I'm really sorry--
mustard.
386
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:29,066
I wanted to call--
knife.
387
00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:35,272
Mmmm.
388
00:19:35,273 --> 00:19:36,373
Mm.
389
00:19:37,174 --> 00:19:39,376
Uh, kelly...
390
00:19:39,377 --> 00:19:43,180
How do you afford
a place like this on only $246?
391
00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:44,915
Well, I'm kind of sharing
the place.
392
00:19:44,916 --> 00:19:46,082
My roommate takes care
393
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:47,784
Of most of the bills.
[door opens]
394
00:19:49,186 --> 00:19:51,088
Honey, I'm here.
395
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,524
Mm, don't you look nice.
396
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,525
[chuckles]
397
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,226
And, uh, who are you?
398
00:19:56,227 --> 00:19:58,062
Oh, I'm the guy
that did this.
399
00:19:58,063 --> 00:19:59,963
[grunts]
400
00:19:59,964 --> 00:20:01,532
Daddy,
you don't understand.
401
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,533
Oh, I understand.
402
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,768
Old guy, young girl,
fancy apartment,
403
00:20:04,769 --> 00:20:07,004
Cold cuts
like there's no tomorrow.
404
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,371
I know what's goin' on.
405
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:11,474
I'm so upset, I can
hardly eat this sandwich!
406
00:20:13,311 --> 00:20:14,344
Daddy,
407
00:20:14,345 --> 00:20:15,980
What happened?
408
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,915
[gasps]
dad, meet brooke.
409
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,516
My roommate.
410
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,920
You killed my daddy!
411
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,588
You mean,
you're not havin' an affair
412
00:20:24,589 --> 00:20:27,023
With my daughter?
413
00:20:27,024 --> 00:20:29,726
Of course not.
414
00:20:29,727 --> 00:20:31,294
You really do care,
don't you?
415
00:20:31,295 --> 00:20:33,497
Well, sure, I do.
416
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:36,900
You're my little girl.
417
00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:38,569
Uh, I think
he's swallowing his tongue.
418
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,471
[gagging]
419
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:41,739
You know,
pumpkin,
420
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:42,606
Maybe we can bend
421
00:20:42,607 --> 00:20:44,141
A few of those old rules,
422
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:45,576
If you come home.
423
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:48,379
Can I have boys
in my room?
424
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,749
Well, let's take that
on a case-by-case basis.
425
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,316
[barking]
426
00:20:53,317 --> 00:20:55,318
[howling]
427
00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:57,054
[barking]
428
00:20:57,055 --> 00:20:58,655
[howling]
429
00:20:58,656 --> 00:21:00,023
[barking]
430
00:21:00,024 --> 00:21:03,927
Well, obviously, neutering
doesn't do a damn thing.
431
00:21:07,732 --> 00:21:08,899
Hi, kel.
432
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,134
Um, I was just scaring off
the cat
433
00:21:11,135 --> 00:21:13,304
That keeps calling here.
434
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:16,507
Bud, either get a girl
or get a collar.
435
00:21:16,508 --> 00:21:19,042
Well, I guess you two
will be needing the couch.
436
00:21:19,043 --> 00:21:20,878
Oh, jake,
on your way out,
437
00:21:20,879 --> 00:21:23,747
Check out our file
of free clinics nearby.
438
00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:25,715
Thanks, dog boy.
439
00:21:25,716 --> 00:21:27,517
Well, we won't
be needing the couch.
440
00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:28,985
Dad and I have
an agreement.
441
00:21:28,986 --> 00:21:30,521
We're going to my room.
442
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:32,589
Are you sure?
443
00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:35,058
My left eye still wanders
from the last time.
444
00:21:35,059 --> 00:21:36,092
Oh,
don't worry.
445
00:21:36,093 --> 00:21:38,128
Daddy is just
a big, old teddy bear.
446
00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:41,732
Kelly:
Hi, daddy.
We're going to my room,
447
00:21:41,733 --> 00:21:43,801
As per our agreement.
448
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:47,070
Jake:
Hi, mr. Bundy. Remember me?
449
00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:58,415
[sighs]
450
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:05,155
[sighs]
451
00:22:15,433 --> 00:22:16,733
So long, jake.
452
00:22:16,734 --> 00:22:18,469
So long, al.
453
00:22:21,072 --> 00:22:22,439
[grunts]
454
00:22:23,541 --> 00:22:26,443
I do believe
that's a record.
455
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:41,524
[♪]
30487
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