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1
00:00:03,001 --> 00:00:06,037
[♪]
2
00:01:16,775 --> 00:01:18,743
Yep.
3
00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:20,245
Finally,
4
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,613
A day off.
5
00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:23,081
[chuckles]
6
00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:25,117
Boy, I'm gonna
have me some fun.
7
00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:45,736
[sighs]
8
00:01:59,584 --> 00:02:00,751
What?
9
00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:05,189
Hi, honey. Are you enjoying
your day off?
10
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:07,491
Peg, you know I am.
11
00:02:07,492 --> 00:02:10,395
Now, how are you
gonna ruin it for me?
12
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,997
Sex, chores, what?
13
00:02:12,998 --> 00:02:14,032
[sniffs]
14
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:15,366
Oh.
15
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,868
Well, I guess we'll
just stick to chores today.
16
00:02:17,869 --> 00:02:19,371
But I'll
give you a choice:
17
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,639
Shower or
fix the doorbell.
18
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:26,945
How much work is it
to fix the doorbell?
19
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:29,047
Well, unlike
taking a shower,
20
00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:30,648
You might have
to raise an arm.
21
00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:34,953
Oh, al, it makes
this wheezing pathetic sound.
22
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:37,289
I'm embarrassed to have
my girlfriends hear it.
23
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,090
Oh, come on,
they've heard worse.
24
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:42,193
You know, "move along,
bossy, no grazing here."
25
00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:47,198
Or, "hey, how 'bout
sharing that cud?"
26
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,536
[doorbell croaks]
27
00:02:51,537 --> 00:02:53,871
Excuse me.
28
00:02:53,872 --> 00:02:56,208
That's the doorbell, al.
29
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,109
Come in!
30
00:02:59,878 --> 00:03:01,145
Oh, hi.
31
00:03:01,146 --> 00:03:03,881
I'm brenda.
I'm your new neighbor.
32
00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:13,558
I just moved into the house
across the street.
33
00:03:13,559 --> 00:03:14,992
Oh, yeah.
34
00:03:14,993 --> 00:03:16,794
The old thompson house.
35
00:03:16,795 --> 00:03:18,863
You know, he used to be
in charge of the soy trough
36
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,131
Over at mr. Egg roll.
37
00:03:20,132 --> 00:03:21,999
But then he got promoted
to the guy who says,
38
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,734
"what size drink with that?"
39
00:03:23,735 --> 00:03:26,571
So we knew he'd be moving
to a better neighborhood.
40
00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:27,838
Hi, I'm peggy.
Hi.
41
00:03:27,839 --> 00:03:30,975
If you want anyone to tell
a secret to, just tell me.
42
00:03:30,976 --> 00:03:33,711
Oh, and if you need any gossip
on any of the neighbors,
43
00:03:33,712 --> 00:03:34,779
Just ask me.
44
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:38,383
People tell me everything.
45
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,251
Yeah, well, I've already heard
about the people
46
00:03:40,252 --> 00:03:43,020
Who live on the other side
of you: The bundys.
47
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,891
Boy, the stories I've
been hearing about them.
48
00:03:46,892 --> 00:03:49,427
They say the husband
will steal your paper,
49
00:03:49,428 --> 00:03:53,231
Stalk your pets
and eat your garbage.
50
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:58,937
Hey, half a potato
is not garbage.
51
00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:03,808
Anyway, this moving in
is difficult.
52
00:04:03,809 --> 00:04:05,410
It's harder because...
53
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,245
[sighs]
I don't have a man.
54
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:09,214
Mm. I know.
55
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:12,550
Where do you find one
these days?
56
00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:15,220
Anyway, the movers,
they left my couch out
in front of my house,
57
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,855
And I have
a job interview.
58
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:19,724
[giggling]
I dance on tables for men
near airports.
59
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,596
So I was wondering if you
could watch it for me
60
00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,132
Until I get back?
61
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,868
Well, a quarter might
keep my eyes open.
62
00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,302
Heh-heh.
You know, that's funny.
63
00:04:31,303 --> 00:04:33,437
A quarter used to keep them
closed in high school.
64
00:04:35,741 --> 00:04:37,575
Well, miss,
it's my day off,
65
00:04:37,576 --> 00:04:39,410
And as you can see,
I'm all alone.
66
00:04:39,411 --> 00:04:40,945
So, uh,
67
00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:43,615
I don't mind moving
that couch for you.
68
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,250
Well, it is
a big couch.
69
00:04:46,251 --> 00:04:48,953
But then,
you're a big man.
70
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,725
Hi, I'm brenda kostrowski.
71
00:04:54,726 --> 00:04:58,463
Peggy, do you mind if I borrow
this big strong guy?
72
00:04:58,464 --> 00:04:59,663
[chuckles]
73
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,366
Yeah, okay.
74
00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:04,969
Uh, just have him back
by tomorrow.
75
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:07,271
He has to perform brain surgery
in the morning,
76
00:05:07,272 --> 00:05:09,974
And he has a loafer sale
in the afternoon.
77
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,809
[chuckles]
78
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:14,045
Eh, my mother worries so.
79
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:19,750
After you, my rear.
80
00:05:19,751 --> 00:05:21,752
I-I mean, my dear.
81
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:24,922
You are too tired
to fix the doorbell,
82
00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:27,024
And yet you can
go move her couch?
83
00:05:27,025 --> 00:05:28,359
Yeah.
84
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,332
Let's, uh, hurry up
and get that couch inside
85
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,134
Before peg wants
to go sit on it.
86
00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:41,105
Why do we have
to fix the doorbell?
87
00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:44,843
Well, kelly, that's why
grownups have kids.
88
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,977
They had me to fix things
and you to...
89
00:05:46,978 --> 00:05:49,614
Say "what's that?"
every time you see an airplane.
90
00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:53,118
Now, you're sure
the power's off?
91
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:55,520
For the thousandth time,
92
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,455
Yes, the power is off.
93
00:05:58,590 --> 00:06:00,491
[sighs]
94
00:06:00,492 --> 00:06:01,892
[electricity crackling]
95
00:06:01,893 --> 00:06:03,428
Aaaaghh!
96
00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:06,197
Help me!
97
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:24,748
Kelly,
98
00:06:24,749 --> 00:06:26,484
Spell "off."
99
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,321
Spell it!
100
00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,493
"o"...Something.
101
00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:43,067
Well, I'm just gonna go
change the old underwear.
102
00:06:46,104 --> 00:06:48,006
And we'll start
this again.
103
00:06:49,174 --> 00:06:51,075
Maybe next time
you can go the extra mile
104
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:53,044
And put a bucket of water
for me to stand in.
105
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:02,720
Peg!
106
00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,322
Peg, come here!
107
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,257
Guess what happened.
108
00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:08,459
Buck stood upright,
and he's taking over your job.
109
00:07:09,995 --> 00:07:11,930
Yeah, like he could work
the register.
110
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,365
Oh, please, just tell me
what happened.
111
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,734
Well, after I moved
brenda's couch,
112
00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:18,403
She said I was cute.
113
00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:20,838
Oh, peg,
I think she likes me!
114
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,776
Oh, honey.
115
00:07:25,777 --> 00:07:28,313
How could she?
116
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:29,981
Oh, believe me, al,
117
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:33,117
And I'm telling you this
as your wife and as your friend,
118
00:07:33,118 --> 00:07:34,853
No one likes you.
119
00:07:36,822 --> 00:07:38,022
Face it, sweetie.
120
00:07:38,023 --> 00:07:39,623
I know you
better than anyone.
121
00:07:39,624 --> 00:07:40,758
And believe me,
122
00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:43,394
She sees you
as the world sees you:
123
00:07:43,395 --> 00:07:45,396
As cheap labor.
124
00:07:45,397 --> 00:07:46,831
Now, how 'bout a beer?
125
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:49,267
Hi, mom.
126
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,769
Listen, um,
bud needs this to stand in
127
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,071
While he fixes
the doorbell.
128
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,275
I've gotta go tease my way
up and down the block.
129
00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:59,344
I just heard from the women
in the neighborhood
130
00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:01,246
That there's a new stud
in town.
131
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:02,680
[chuckles]
132
00:08:02,681 --> 00:08:04,082
Um, al,
133
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,450
Kelly and I just have some
mother-daughter stuff to do.
134
00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:07,618
We'll be home by dark.
135
00:08:07,619 --> 00:08:08,819
What did you hear
about him?
136
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,889
Well, they said
that he's big and strong
137
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:11,923
And good-looking.
138
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:13,758
[chuckles]
139
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:16,260
Help me
get this ring off.
140
00:08:16,261 --> 00:08:17,929
Okay, what else?
141
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:18,929
That's it.
142
00:08:18,930 --> 00:08:20,431
They were watching him
move a couch
143
00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:22,966
Into some house
across the street.
144
00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:24,535
I wonder who he is.
145
00:08:32,978 --> 00:08:35,679
Kelly, uh,
heh-heh,
146
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,782
That stud used
to tuck you in
147
00:08:38,783 --> 00:08:40,117
When you were a baby.
148
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:44,288
They were looking
at the garbage man?
149
00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:53,698
Al, it was nothing.
150
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,933
She was a baby.
She was crying.
151
00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:57,402
I was watching
the soaps.
152
00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:59,871
He just couldn't
stand the noise.
153
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,773
Kelly...
154
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:03,541
That stud is me.
155
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:06,711
[laughs]
156
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,846
You're funny, daddy.
No, who is he?
157
00:09:08,847 --> 00:09:09,913
Tell her, peg.
158
00:09:09,914 --> 00:09:11,716
Tell her who
the good-lookin' stud is
159
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,351
Who has all
the neighborhood women
160
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:14,985
Shavin' their moustaches.
161
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:20,825
[chuckling]
162
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:21,893
It can't be.
163
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,094
I'm going outside.
164
00:09:23,095 --> 00:09:25,930
There's gotta be
someone else out there.
165
00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:30,367
What did they say
about me?
166
00:09:30,368 --> 00:09:34,005
Well, they said you had
the arms of a blacksmith
167
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,607
And the legs of a god.
168
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:36,974
Did they say anything
about my butt?
169
00:09:36,975 --> 00:09:38,642
Oh.
Huh?
170
00:09:38,643 --> 00:09:40,844
I was bendin' over
an awful lot out there.
171
00:09:40,845 --> 00:09:42,713
Did anyone notice?
Did they? Did they?
172
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:45,416
They liked it,
daddy.
173
00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:47,585
Yes!
174
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:49,420
[laughing]
175
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:55,360
And do you know why
they liked it, pumpkin?
176
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,595
'cause you played
high school football, daddy?
177
00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:59,597
'cause I played
high school football.
178
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:02,233
It never really fades,
does it?
179
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:05,102
You wanna see me
in my uniform?
180
00:10:05,603 --> 00:10:07,505
No.
181
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:09,239
But I bet you
bud would.
182
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,408
I'll just
go get him.
183
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:13,744
Oh, those poor al-starved
neighborhood women.
184
00:10:13,745 --> 00:10:15,479
Hey, if lovin' me
is wrong,
185
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,881
They don't wanna be right.
186
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:19,049
[laughs]
187
00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:21,252
Pumpkin,
can I ask you something?
188
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:24,455
When two people are
as beautiful as we are,
189
00:10:24,456 --> 00:10:27,492
Is it terrible to--
to flaunt what we have?
190
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:28,826
Terrible?
191
00:10:28,827 --> 00:10:31,495
It's an obligation.
192
00:10:31,496 --> 00:10:33,363
A duty.
193
00:10:33,364 --> 00:10:35,733
I mean, it's like belonging
to whoever wins you
194
00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:38,268
In a knife fight.
195
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:42,573
Yeah.
196
00:10:42,574 --> 00:10:44,075
But the important thing
197
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:46,210
Is to never let them
touch you.
198
00:10:46,211 --> 00:10:48,645
Remember, they will
never buy the cow
199
00:10:48,646 --> 00:10:51,849
If they can get
the eggs for free.
200
00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:57,155
I did.
201
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,256
Anyway,
202
00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,857
I'm gonna do
a few push-ups
203
00:10:59,858 --> 00:11:01,525
And go out there
and wash the car.
204
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,428
Of course,
I'll need a rag.
205
00:11:12,871 --> 00:11:14,338
Where are you goin'?
206
00:11:14,339 --> 00:11:16,974
Where does it look
like I'm goin'?
207
00:11:16,975 --> 00:11:19,276
Mr. Pudding belly
tryouts?
208
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:25,115
No, my little couch doily.
209
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:27,685
I'm gonna wash the car.
210
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,235
This can't be happening.
211
00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:45,903
They couldn't be
talking about him.
212
00:11:45,904 --> 00:11:47,438
They just couldn't.
213
00:11:47,439 --> 00:11:49,340
And I don't know
what he's doing out there.
214
00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:51,909
There is not a woman
to be found anywhere.
215
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,311
Al:
♪ do it to them
one more time ♪
216
00:11:54,312 --> 00:11:56,781
♪ oh, once is never enough ♪
217
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,617
♪ with a man like me ♪
218
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,385
♪ whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa whoa whoa whoa ♪
219
00:12:01,386 --> 00:12:02,720
Woman:
He's back!
220
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,455
Woman 2:
Look! He's washing his car!
221
00:12:04,456 --> 00:12:05,589
Al:
Oops!
222
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:07,992
Looks like I got
some suds in my pants.
223
00:12:11,062 --> 00:12:13,464
Al, stop that!
224
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:15,366
Woman 3:
Mind your own business!
225
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:16,500
Oh.
226
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,703
I don't know what
they're lookin' at.
227
00:12:19,704 --> 00:12:22,740
Have they never seen flies
circle the head of a man before?
228
00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:26,878
No, it's attitude.
229
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,146
I mean, for example,
230
00:12:29,147 --> 00:12:32,116
Let's just say
that there is somebody
231
00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:34,351
So unattractive
in this room
232
00:12:34,352 --> 00:12:37,955
That even the girl cats
won't let him pet them.
233
00:12:37,956 --> 00:12:40,925
Now, how would
this person--
234
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:44,328
Well, let's just
call him bub.
235
00:12:44,329 --> 00:12:45,796
--Get attention?
236
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:48,265
Now, he could go on using
his daddy's credit card,
237
00:12:48,266 --> 00:12:50,134
You know,
calling date hotlines
238
00:12:50,135 --> 00:12:53,603
And saying that he's
señor pablo, u.N. Diplomat,
239
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,975
Or he could learn--
240
00:12:57,976 --> 00:13:01,178
Before he loses his hair
to reveal his head pimples.
241
00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:03,447
--That if you think
you're hot,
242
00:13:03,448 --> 00:13:05,216
Other people will too.
243
00:13:06,151 --> 00:13:08,285
Señor pablo
will not forget this.
244
00:13:11,756 --> 00:13:13,624
Should have seen it,
peg.
245
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,025
A million women
starin' at me,
246
00:13:15,026 --> 00:13:16,393
Hooting and screaming.
247
00:13:16,394 --> 00:13:18,061
Now I know what
the beatles felt like.
248
00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:22,232
Sweetheart, there were
three women out there:
249
00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:24,635
One was 60, one was 80,
250
00:13:24,636 --> 00:13:26,370
And one was older
than the tree they used
251
00:13:26,371 --> 00:13:29,206
To cut for her wooden leg.
252
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:34,145
Hey, that's how
tom jones started, baby.
253
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,180
[doorbell crackles]
254
00:13:40,785 --> 00:13:42,520
Excuse me, mr. Bundy?
255
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,054
I was trying
to wash my car,
256
00:13:44,055 --> 00:13:46,424
But I'm just
a weak, little woman.
257
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:48,426
Would it be asking too much
for you to come over,
258
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:51,228
You know...
Without your shirt,
259
00:13:51,229 --> 00:13:53,397
And, uh,
buff my bumpers?
260
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,904
Hidy-hidy-hidy-ho.
261
00:14:05,143 --> 00:14:08,345
Now, don't go getting
your nose hairs in an uproar.
262
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,514
You are not
goin' anywhere.
263
00:14:10,515 --> 00:14:12,383
Now, I don't know
where this sexy,
264
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,985
"I'm a human being"
nonsense came from,
265
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:17,488
But it's gonna stop
right now.
266
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:18,588
Too late.
267
00:14:18,589 --> 00:14:21,158
The fuse is lit,
and the fire is on.
268
00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:23,127
Burn, baby, burn.
269
00:14:27,498 --> 00:14:29,866
It's an al inferno.
270
00:14:37,742 --> 00:14:39,243
Ssss.
271
00:14:47,452 --> 00:14:50,020
Marcie, I tell ya,
this is serious.
272
00:14:50,021 --> 00:14:52,123
Something is going on.
273
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:53,223
He showered.
274
00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:57,727
In the morning.
275
00:14:57,728 --> 00:14:59,930
Now, the only time
that al used to shower
276
00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:02,333
Was right after
we had sex.
277
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:04,901
Immediately after.
278
00:15:04,902 --> 00:15:06,870
Sometimes even during.
279
00:15:07,939 --> 00:15:09,639
And you know what else?
280
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,676
He bought a toothbrush.
281
00:15:12,677 --> 00:15:15,012
With a rubber tip.
282
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:18,015
Oh, peggy.
283
00:15:18,016 --> 00:15:19,317
I know.
284
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:21,319
I don't know what to do.
285
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,553
He's happy.
286
00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:24,689
He smells good.
287
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:27,224
He's even making more money
at the shoe store.
288
00:15:27,225 --> 00:15:29,560
And last night, when I was
rifling through his pants
289
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:33,063
To get some of it,
I found these:
290
00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:34,264
Tic tacs.
291
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,336
[sobs]
292
00:15:39,337 --> 00:15:40,638
Well,
293
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:42,506
According to the book
I've just read,
294
00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:44,541
Keep him down,keep him down, keep him down:
295
00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:46,477
A woman's guideto happiness,
296
00:15:50,148 --> 00:15:52,082
You don't really
have to worry
297
00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:55,719
Until a man stops buying
white underwear.
298
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:56,987
The time to sweat
299
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:59,189
Is when men
buy underwear in a tube.
300
00:15:59,190 --> 00:16:00,724
You know,
the bright-colored ones
301
00:16:00,725 --> 00:16:03,027
That fat european men
use as bathing suits.
302
00:16:06,130 --> 00:16:08,098
Well, I don't have to worry
about that.
303
00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:11,669
Al would never give up
his white hanes underwear.
304
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,804
Size 34, three to a pack.
305
00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:15,706
I know that because
I bought him a three-pack
306
00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:16,907
A couple of years ago,
307
00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:19,710
And he still has two
he hasn't even used yet.
308
00:16:31,422 --> 00:16:32,656
Ladies.
309
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:35,893
Excuse me,
I should say, "lovely ladies."
310
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:38,695
[giggles]
hi, al.
311
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:44,401
Shut up.
312
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:48,139
What are you doing home
in the middle of the day?
313
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:49,973
Well, I just thought
I'd freshen up with a shower
314
00:16:49,974 --> 00:16:52,176
And then go back
to work.
315
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,543
Oh, by the way,
316
00:16:53,544 --> 00:16:55,345
Have you seen my new underwear?
317
00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:02,286
Zebra-striped.
318
00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:07,591
Uh-huh.
319
00:17:07,592 --> 00:17:10,460
He looks just as good going
as he does coming.
320
00:17:12,597 --> 00:17:13,797
Marcie.
321
00:17:14,832 --> 00:17:16,667
Sorry. I don't know
what came over me.
322
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:18,669
Al:
Peg, you gotta come up
323
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:20,571
And check me out
in my new underwear!
324
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:22,973
Oh, you can bring
marcie too!
325
00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:24,574
Can we, peggy?
Can we?
326
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,617
A large foot?
You, madam?
327
00:17:33,618 --> 00:17:34,884
Oh, no.
328
00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:37,221
You merely have
a full-figured foot.
329
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,289
[giggling]
330
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,458
Oh, you.
331
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,026
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
332
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,360
[laughing]
333
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:47,331
Oh, please.
334
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:50,534
Now, how many ballet slippers
can I fix you up with?
335
00:17:50,535 --> 00:17:54,238
You've been so delightful,
I'll just take them all.
336
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,772
[chuckles]
337
00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:58,008
This is for the shoes.
338
00:17:58,009 --> 00:17:59,376
Thank you.
339
00:17:59,377 --> 00:18:01,212
And this
340
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,514
Is for the cookie monster.
341
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:04,881
[chuckling]
oh.
342
00:18:09,654 --> 00:18:12,255
Well, serving number 57.
343
00:18:12,256 --> 00:18:13,791
Me!
Me!
Me!
344
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:14,825
I'm number 57.
345
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:15,960
Al! Al!
346
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,361
Take a number.
347
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:18,895
Oh, it's you.
348
00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:20,131
What's shakin', babe?
349
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:23,067
Every chin
in this store.
350
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:24,167
Look, honey.
351
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:27,137
I went shopping for food.
Heh-heh-heh.
352
00:18:27,138 --> 00:18:29,540
And I brought you
some very special treats.
353
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:31,942
Bread and cheese.
354
00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:36,246
Just picture them all nicely
laid out on a paper plate.
355
00:18:36,247 --> 00:18:38,149
Oh, come home
with me, honey.
356
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,284
Ah, sweetheart,
you are a pearl,
357
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,553
But as you can see, I have
to be here for a long time.
358
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,754
I baked you a pie,
359
00:18:44,755 --> 00:18:47,057
Mr. Bundy.
360
00:18:47,058 --> 00:18:48,425
Well, thank you.
361
00:18:48,426 --> 00:18:50,327
Ju-- put it over there
with the others.
362
00:18:50,328 --> 00:18:51,795
[softly]
okay.
363
00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:55,933
Anyhow, peg, love the bread,
love the cheese,
364
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,168
But I got my little
shoe store gig here.
365
00:18:58,169 --> 00:19:01,271
So, uh, why don't you go on home
and run me a nice, warm tub.
366
00:19:01,272 --> 00:19:03,807
And, uh, oh, by the way,
lay out my, uh,
367
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:05,442
Leopard underwear.
368
00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:06,710
[women gasp]
369
00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:12,616
Serving number 57.
370
00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:14,385
I'm number 57.
371
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:21,859
Mom, al's not home yet.
372
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:25,161
Well, it's midnight,
and his tube is empty.
373
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,301
Mom, could you try
not to eat corn
374
00:19:31,302 --> 00:19:33,304
While I'm talkin' to you.
375
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:35,572
Right. I'll call you
in the morning.
376
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:40,711
Gee, kids, you know,
I know I've dreamt about it,
377
00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:43,981
But what would I do if
your father actually does leave?
378
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:45,815
Oh, don't worry, mom.
379
00:19:45,816 --> 00:19:48,719
I mean, you have the skills
and education to...
380
00:19:51,289 --> 00:19:53,790
Well, you sit
a damn fine couch.
381
00:19:57,395 --> 00:19:58,695
Daddy's home!
Hey, dad!
382
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:01,732
Oh, gee, al,
383
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:02,833
Where have you been?
384
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:05,068
Oh, I was just...
385
00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:07,170
Walkin' around,
and I, uh...
386
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,640
Then I stopped.
387
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:12,509
My underwear
was killin' me.
388
00:20:13,678 --> 00:20:15,012
Even in a mild wind,
389
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:17,380
You can freeze a cheek
in these babies.
390
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:22,553
Well, what happened, honey?
391
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,388
Well, this beautiful--
392
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,290
Very beautiful girl
came in the store...
393
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:30,194
And asked me to fly away
to the greek islands with her.
394
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:32,363
Well, did you go, daddy?
395
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,367
Yes, pumpkin, I went.
396
00:20:37,368 --> 00:20:40,003
I'm sorry I didn't get
a chance to say goodbye.
397
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:46,143
Anyway, all she wanted
was a love toy.
398
00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:47,778
Yeah, I know the feeling.
399
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:51,615
Oh, please.
400
00:20:51,616 --> 00:20:53,617
The only feeling
that you know
401
00:20:53,618 --> 00:20:55,419
Is buck's fur
against your cheek
402
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,421
On a warm summer night.
403
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,122
Oh, now.
N-now, kids.
404
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:03,661
It was every man's
fantasy:
405
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,430
To be kept by a woman
whose skirt is as short
406
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:09,566
As the life span of the man
that she chooses.
407
00:21:11,369 --> 00:21:12,736
But I said no.
408
00:21:12,737 --> 00:21:14,571
Why?
409
00:21:17,108 --> 00:21:19,176
Well, because I realized
410
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:21,278
That everything I'd been doing
up to now,
411
00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,946
The bathing, the brushing,
412
00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:25,849
The changing of the socks,
413
00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:28,185
The being nice to people,
414
00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:30,320
The trying to succeed,
415
00:21:30,321 --> 00:21:31,988
Was all for nothing.
416
00:21:31,989 --> 00:21:35,692
All those things
are designed to attract.
417
00:21:36,794 --> 00:21:39,296
Why should I be attractive?
418
00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:41,231
I'm married with children.
419
00:21:54,912 --> 00:21:58,014
Bud:
Mom, look at him.
420
00:21:58,015 --> 00:21:59,650
Kelly:
What's happening?
421
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:06,957
I'm scared.
422
00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:08,525
He's coming back.
423
00:22:10,094 --> 00:22:12,863
My al is coming back!
424
00:22:23,908 --> 00:22:25,142
Hanes!
425
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:26,510
He's back!
426
00:22:39,357 --> 00:22:41,524
[♪]
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