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1
00:00:03,102 --> 00:00:05,103
[♪]
2
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,745
[groaning]
3
00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:24,749
[wailing]
4
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,486
[sobbing]
5
00:01:28,487 --> 00:01:29,954
What's wrong
with daddy?
6
00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:32,790
Ah, he's just
payin' bills.
7
00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:35,560
Nothin' to concern us.
8
00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:37,228
Just be happy he's
not banging his head
9
00:01:37,229 --> 00:01:38,630
Against the table.
10
00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:41,232
[banging]
11
00:01:43,736 --> 00:01:47,171
Well, I'm signing now, lord.
12
00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:50,509
Please just smite me
before I get to the y in bundy.
13
00:01:51,343 --> 00:01:53,811
Oh, give me
that pen.
14
00:01:53,812 --> 00:01:55,246
"bundy."
15
00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:59,684
Heh. Yet another thing
you start that I finish.
16
00:02:00,852 --> 00:02:02,887
Well, now that
that's done,
17
00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:04,689
How 'bout taking us
to the movies?
18
00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:05,824
Well, perhaps you were fooled
19
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:09,861
By the opulent luxury
of our home.
20
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,897
You see, believe it or not,
we're broke.
21
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,765
Now, I know I've said
we're broke before,
22
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:17,536
And you've all been
very brave and spent anyway,
23
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:20,005
But it's really time
to tighten our belts.
24
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,373
Now, peg, what can you
do without?
25
00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,209
Apparently an orgasm.
26
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,078
[both laughing]
27
00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:28,480
Heh.
28
00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:32,550
Way to get one.
29
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,321
Kelly, and you?
30
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,491
Well, I think that we all
could do without war, daddy.
31
00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:44,094
Now do you think you
should have gained
more than five pounds
32
00:02:44,095 --> 00:02:47,165
When you were pregnant
with her?
33
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,134
Now, there must be
somebody around here
34
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,236
That can think of some way
to save money.
35
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,637
Hey, dad, I got my license.
36
00:02:53,638 --> 00:02:55,774
Can I have a new car?
37
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:57,442
Daddy's broke.
38
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,810
You're gonna have
to ask mommy
39
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,578
To get one for you.
40
00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,313
Mommy, can I have a new car?
41
00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:03,581
Sure you can.
42
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,585
Oh, what the hell,
new cars for everyone.
43
00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:09,454
That's wonderful!
[chattering indistinctly]
44
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:12,790
Quiet,
you morons!
45
00:03:12,791 --> 00:03:14,993
There's gonna be no new cars
and no new drivers.
46
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,795
I already can't
afford insurance,
47
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,064
What with kelly here
and the u-turn queen.
48
00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:25,537
You know, it's not my fault
that they always put the sales
49
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,905
On the other side
of the street.
50
00:03:27,906 --> 00:03:30,341
Dad, all my friends
are driving.
51
00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:32,410
Well, if all your friends
were getting married,
52
00:03:32,411 --> 00:03:35,045
Would you do that too?
53
00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:36,113
Look, forget a car.
54
00:03:36,114 --> 00:03:37,382
There's no reason
to take one
55
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,217
When you can take
a perfectly good bus.
56
00:03:41,687 --> 00:03:43,588
Oh, yeah. I'd look
real cool picking up
57
00:03:43,589 --> 00:03:46,624
That special date
in the old bus.
58
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:48,192
Hey, you know what
all the guys say:
59
00:03:48,193 --> 00:03:51,429
"for a handful of girl,
give the bus a whirl."
60
00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:00,671
Oh, come on, al.
61
00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:02,540
You were worried
about kelly driving,
62
00:04:02,541 --> 00:04:03,774
And in the past year,
63
00:04:03,775 --> 00:04:06,544
She's only gotten
two or three tickets.
64
00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:09,613
And it would
have been four
65
00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:12,417
If I hadn't outran
those last cops.
66
00:04:13,518 --> 00:04:15,486
Yep, they were fast enough
to keep up with me
67
00:04:15,487 --> 00:04:17,555
Goin' the wrong way
on the expressway,
68
00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:22,060
But when it came time
to jump that drawbridge,
69
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:25,396
They just didn't have
the guts.
70
00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:27,065
Well, I guess that solves
the mystery
71
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,834
Of the bullet hole
in my gas tank.
72
00:04:30,735 --> 00:04:32,036
Look, bud,
how 'bout this?
73
00:04:32,037 --> 00:04:34,305
Whenever you want to go
someplace, I'll take you.
74
00:04:34,306 --> 00:04:35,773
Huh? It'll be fun.
75
00:04:35,774 --> 00:04:37,241
And that way
the skirts will think
76
00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:39,310
I'm just one
of your cool friends.
77
00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,479
Oh, yeah.
78
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,581
Then you could even have
a cool nickname,
79
00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:45,750
Like jowl boy.
80
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:48,619
Son, let this be
a lesson to you.
81
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,121
Never do tequila shooters
82
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:52,657
Within a country mile
of a marriage chapel.
83
00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:01,432
[stomps]
84
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,643
Fly.
85
00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:18,149
Tapeworm.
86
00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,955
[oldies music playing outside]
87
00:05:27,058 --> 00:05:28,426
What's that?
88
00:05:28,427 --> 00:05:30,695
Oh, that's dad's
car stereo.
89
00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:32,297
Since we've been
cruisin' together,
90
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,832
He let me fix it up
a little.
91
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,968
Fifteen-hundred watts
and no volume control.
92
00:05:37,969 --> 00:05:39,136
[music stops]
93
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:41,706
With the right song,
94
00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:44,609
You can drop a bird
at a hundred yards.
95
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,010
Cool.
96
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,380
Hey, daddy, can I use
the car tonight?
97
00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:51,316
What?
98
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:53,150
What?
99
00:05:53,151 --> 00:05:55,386
Mom, daddy's
deaf again!
100
00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:57,922
Oh, I'll fix it.
101
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:11,402
Is that your way
of telling me, uh,
102
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:12,737
We're out of q-tips?
103
00:06:13,872 --> 00:06:15,907
Oh, honey, if it's good enough
for the toilet,
104
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:19,043
They're good enough
for you.
105
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,478
So how was your day,
sweetie?
106
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:21,679
Oh, fine.
107
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,114
Just me cruising around,
listening to the oldies channel
108
00:06:24,115 --> 00:06:26,151
At 1500 watts.
109
00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:29,153
Made a lot of new friends.
110
00:06:29,154 --> 00:06:32,423
Take, uh, officer lewis,
for example.
111
00:06:32,424 --> 00:06:35,493
Unfortunately, I couldn't hear
his siren at first, but luckily,
112
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:37,728
Police cars are now equipped
with rammers
113
00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:41,299
That gently ease me
into the rail.
114
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,800
Luckily, the cop liked oldies,
115
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:44,201
So he beat me
with his nightstick
116
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:46,303
To the tune of "hey jude."
117
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,275
Then he wrote me up 18 tickets.
118
00:06:51,276 --> 00:06:55,580
Including the one
for bleeding on his pad.
119
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,416
How was your day?
120
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,552
Quit whining, dad.
121
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:03,154
Put on the bon jovi hair,
and let's roll.
122
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,365
Gee, honey,
123
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,067
You look like tarzan.
124
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:17,702
[chuckles]
125
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,971
If he was old and gay.
126
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,042
Well, peg,
if you were jane,
127
00:07:25,043 --> 00:07:27,111
Believe me,
he would be.
128
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,984
Come on, son.
Let's roll.
129
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,352
No way.
130
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,020
The car's mine tonight.
131
00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:37,188
Come on, daddy.
132
00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:39,056
If not, I have to stand
on a street corner
133
00:07:39,057 --> 00:07:41,459
And listen to guys yell
insulting and degrading remarks
134
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,661
And make kissing sounds.
135
00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:46,764
I'm sorry, honey.
We didn't know that was you.
136
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:53,771
No, forget it, kel.
137
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,540
That car
is mine tonight.
138
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:56,640
Mine.
Mine!
139
00:07:56,641 --> 00:07:57,708
Mine!
140
00:07:57,709 --> 00:08:00,445
Now, that's enough,
devil dogs.
141
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,246
Now, I can't take
any more of this.
142
00:08:02,247 --> 00:08:03,814
I'm gonna get
car insurance for him,
143
00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:06,217
And you two can fight
over the car to the death.
144
00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:17,128
Hello. Jim's fish, chips
and insurance?
145
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,263
Al bundy here. Hi, jim.
146
00:08:19,264 --> 00:08:22,699
Uh, listen, how much to put
my son on my insurance?
147
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,435
How old? Um...
148
00:08:24,436 --> 00:08:25,703
Sixteen.
149
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:28,306
Uh, he's 16.
150
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,042
Whoa!
151
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,609
If you think
I'm gonna pay that much,
152
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:36,047
You're as stupid as those cats
you trap and call "tuna."
153
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,752
You know, when you insult
my wife, jim,
154
00:08:41,753 --> 00:08:43,687
You don't hurt me, pal.
155
00:08:47,592 --> 00:08:49,460
Well, what'd he say, al?
156
00:08:49,461 --> 00:08:51,596
Nothing I haven't said myself.
157
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,098
Now, look, jim,
158
00:08:54,099 --> 00:08:56,334
If that's the best you can do
for a lifetime friend
159
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:57,935
And someone who never told
the police
160
00:08:57,936 --> 00:08:59,604
What your "catch of the day"
really is,
161
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,805
Then you can just take
my insurance and stuff it.
162
00:09:01,806 --> 00:09:03,107
That's right, all of it!
163
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,243
There, family.
164
00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:08,346
Al bundy takes guff
from no one.
165
00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,615
All:
Cheap, cheap, cheap,
cheap, cheap, cheap...
166
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,383
All right, I'm going
to give you the keys.
167
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:13,651
Kelly:
It's mine.
Look out.
168
00:09:13,652 --> 00:09:14,919
Out of the way.
Give it to me.
169
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,020
Me! Me! Me!
Look out.
Me!
170
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:17,555
Look out.
Now, hold it!
171
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:18,889
Just remember:
172
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:20,891
The one who drives,
be very careful,
173
00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:22,759
Because as you know,
we don't have any car--
174
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:23,961
Give me those!
Look out.
175
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,062
Now, hold it!
176
00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:27,131
Be very careful
because we don't have any--
177
00:09:27,132 --> 00:09:28,333
Ah, the hell...
178
00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:35,673
Well, at least
my pain is gone.
179
00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:38,008
Al?
Oops.
180
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,814
Honey, you know, I may just be
the wife of a moron,
181
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:45,216
But isn't canceling
our insurance
182
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,385
And giving the car keys
to two teenagers
183
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,820
The work of, well,
184
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:51,856
The dalai lama
of morons?
185
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,791
Peg, we don't
need insurance.
186
00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:55,059
Insurance
is like marriage:
187
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,161
You pay, pay, you never
get anything back.
188
00:09:57,162 --> 00:09:59,163
Besides-- besides,
the car isn't worth more
189
00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:02,099
Than 100 bucks
with both kids in it.
190
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,135
Peg, I'm a real hero.
191
00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,337
For once, there's
one man brave enough
192
00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:08,840
To stand up and say he doesn't
need any stinking car--
193
00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,041
[crash outside]
194
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,508
Oh!
195
00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,179
Is that my car?
196
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:17,148
Yeah.
197
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,515
Are the kids hurt?
198
00:10:18,516 --> 00:10:20,684
No. Whew.
199
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,155
Then I have
to do it myself.
200
00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,600
Gee, what a wreck.
201
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:38,536
A 500sl mercedes.
202
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:41,939
You had to hit
a $100,000 mercedes?
203
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,140
You know, it's amazing.
204
00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:48,412
Your dodge, with the high
blue book value of $70,
205
00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:52,850
Sliced right through
that kraut car like toast.
206
00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:55,519
I'm tellin' you,
it is times like these
207
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,723
That I am proud
to be an american.
208
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:01,325
Oh. That's good, peg.
209
00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:03,027
Then it'll be your job
to make sure
210
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,929
Old glory is flying
high above our heads
211
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,565
As we wait in line
for free cheese.
212
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,634
Oh, how much could it cost
to fix it, huh?
213
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:13,237
A half a mil?
214
00:11:13,238 --> 00:11:14,438
And you know he's gonna sue.
215
00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:16,140
That's the problem
with america today.
216
00:11:16,141 --> 00:11:18,642
There's jerks out there
everywhere, suing for nothin'.
217
00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:19,944
He hit me, dad.
218
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,545
We're suing.
219
00:11:22,814 --> 00:11:25,883
Peg, get the kids
some neck braces.
220
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:27,752
But, daddy,
we weren't hurt.
221
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,154
Why can't you be more
like your brother? Huh?
222
00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:32,623
You don't hear him
whining he's not hurt.
223
00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:35,993
Al. Honey, you know
we can't win a lawsuit.
224
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:37,195
Why, ever since
225
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,397
Bundy v. The girl scoutsof america,
226
00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:43,968
When you claimed to have choked
on a bone in a butter cookie,
227
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,137
No judge has ever believed
a bundy.
228
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,572
Like I ever had
a chance.
229
00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:50,308
Peg, as god as my witness,
that judge's breath smelled
230
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,476
Of free chocolate mints.
231
00:11:52,477 --> 00:11:54,011
Let's face it, al.
232
00:11:54,012 --> 00:11:57,181
Our only chance is
if we had a reliable witness.
233
00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:58,048
[chuckling]
oh, god.
234
00:11:58,049 --> 00:11:59,617
You wanna hear something funny?
235
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,819
This car phone was lying
by my house,
236
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:03,621
And a policeman came over
and asked me
237
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,155
Which car I thought
it came from:
238
00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:07,257
The mercedes or the dodge.
239
00:12:07,258 --> 00:12:08,893
[laughing]
240
00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:11,695
He thought
it could be yours.
241
00:12:11,696 --> 00:12:13,197
[laughs]
242
00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:16,934
Oh, a shoe salesman
with a car phone.
243
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,135
What's that?
244
00:12:18,136 --> 00:12:21,204
A woman across town
needs a 7 triple e?
245
00:12:21,205 --> 00:12:23,007
I'm on my way.
246
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,408
[imitates car engine]
247
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:25,676
[laughing]
248
00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:28,846
[sighing]
oh.
249
00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:31,048
Who would have thought
seeing an accident like that
250
00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,183
Would be
so much fun?
251
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,283
You saw it?
252
00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:35,119
Yeah. I saw the whole thing
from the car
253
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,954
While I was saying
good night to my date.
254
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:39,356
Oh, al, a non-bundy
as a witness.
255
00:12:39,357 --> 00:12:40,791
They'll believe her.
256
00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,159
But, peg,
do you think a judge
257
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,461
Will believe that
she had a date?
258
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,266
Honey, we could
actually be rich.
259
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,502
All those years of pain
and suffering and--
260
00:12:51,503 --> 00:12:53,571
And the humiliation
of having people call me
261
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:55,772
"mrs. Bundy" to my face
262
00:12:55,773 --> 00:12:57,408
Are finally through.
263
00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:59,176
Oh, kids,
go to your sickbeds,
264
00:12:59,177 --> 00:13:02,046
For tomorrow,
we sue.
265
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:05,482
All:
Whoa, bundy!
266
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:06,951
Good night.
We're gonna be rich.
267
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,053
[chuckling]
268
00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:22,033
Another accident case?
269
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,401
Great.
270
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,903
I just hope it's not one
of those frivolous lawsuits.
271
00:13:25,904 --> 00:13:27,304
Al:
Make way. Make way.
272
00:13:27,305 --> 00:13:30,107
A crippled family
coming through.
273
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,117
Rum.
274
00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,561
The case
of bundy v. Fitzwilley.
275
00:13:50,562 --> 00:13:52,696
And dr. Fitzwilley
is suing the bundys
276
00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:54,498
For a million dollars.
277
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:56,967
The bundys are countersuing
for...
278
00:13:56,968 --> 00:14:00,037
A jillion dollars.
279
00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:05,776
In cash, your honor.
280
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,712
Mr. Bundy, before we begin,
281
00:14:08,713 --> 00:14:11,549
Could you tell me why your wife
is wearing a neck brace
282
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,118
When she wasn't involved
in the accident?
283
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:15,852
Uh, let me answer that,
your honor.
284
00:14:15,853 --> 00:14:19,423
You see,
it's sex whiplash.
285
00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:21,658
But it is accident-related.
286
00:14:21,659 --> 00:14:23,894
You see, my husband
got so excited
287
00:14:23,895 --> 00:14:25,295
Over this jillion dollars
288
00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:27,531
That he, uh, just
lost control of himself
289
00:14:27,532 --> 00:14:28,732
Last night in bed.
290
00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:30,267
[chuckling]
291
00:14:30,268 --> 00:14:31,468
[sighing]
ah.
292
00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:34,371
He kind of caught me
off guard. Heh-heh.
293
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,841
He moved. Heh.
294
00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,151
Mr. Bundy,
opening statement?
295
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:49,753
Thank you, your honor.
296
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:52,022
And may I add that it's nice
to see a woman in a robe
297
00:14:52,023 --> 00:14:55,993
Who's not wearing fuzzy slippers
and a bag of doritos in her lap.
298
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:00,498
And now--
[clears throat]
299
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,200
--On to the lawsuit.
300
00:15:03,201 --> 00:15:07,838
While carrying canned goods
to their local church group,
301
00:15:07,839 --> 00:15:09,073
My beloved children,
302
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:13,877
Bud and, uh...
The girl,
303
00:15:13,878 --> 00:15:16,246
Had their futures
maliciously torn asunder
304
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:19,683
By the merciless destruction
of an aryan super-car.
305
00:15:19,684 --> 00:15:20,718
This, your honor,
306
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:23,788
Is the nightmare
of your unified germany.
307
00:15:24,622 --> 00:15:26,256
Thanks to my witness,
308
00:15:26,257 --> 00:15:29,960
A professional banker
and brother woman,
309
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:31,628
We plan to prove
310
00:15:31,629 --> 00:15:33,831
That we deserve
a jillion dollars
311
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:35,398
In cash,
312
00:15:35,399 --> 00:15:40,303
And we humbly await
your decision.
313
00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:41,605
So, mrs. Rhoades,
314
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:43,907
You say you witnessed
the accident.
315
00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:45,209
Yes, I did.
Mm-hm.
316
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,677
And where were you?
317
00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:47,745
In my driveway.
318
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,647
I was saying good night
to my date in his car.
319
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,081
Mm-hm. And could you describe
320
00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:52,483
How you saw the accident?
321
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,786
Well, we picked
our heads up, and we--
322
00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:57,887
Picked your heads up.
323
00:15:57,888 --> 00:16:00,157
Where were your heads
that you picked them up?
324
00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:02,193
Well...
325
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,461
Down.
326
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:07,031
Hey, I know
what you're thinking.
327
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:10,001
But let me set you straight.
It was not our first date.
328
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:13,170
And I would like
the record to show
329
00:16:13,171 --> 00:16:14,572
That he bought me
dinner first,
330
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,908
And he called me
the next day.
331
00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:20,443
And who are you to judge me?
332
00:16:27,184 --> 00:16:29,520
You know what it's like
out there in the dating world,
333
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,822
Being smarter than the man
but being unable to show it?
334
00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:34,425
Where is the harm?
Where is the harm?
335
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,693
So, mrs. Rhoades,
336
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:38,162
You didn't really see
who was at fault, did you?
337
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,697
No.
338
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,832
But the mercedes had to be.
339
00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:43,801
My ex-husband drove a mercedes.
340
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:47,204
You may step down,
mrs. Rhoades.
341
00:16:47,205 --> 00:16:48,872
He left me like
the parsley on a plate
342
00:16:48,873 --> 00:16:52,108
At a truck-stop diner.
343
00:16:52,109 --> 00:16:54,645
He loved that damn car
more than he loved me.
344
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:55,613
Bailiff.
345
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:57,247
They have to stop making
those cars,
346
00:16:57,248 --> 00:16:58,315
Don't you see?
347
00:16:58,316 --> 00:17:00,317
They're evil.
They tell the man:
348
00:17:00,318 --> 00:17:01,485
"you don't need a wife.
349
00:17:01,486 --> 00:17:02,586
"you're a cool guy.
350
00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,221
Look at that teenager
over there."
351
00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:06,157
It's not the men.
It's the cars.
352
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,624
I'm warning you,
america,
353
00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:09,693
Keep your husbands
out of german cars!
354
00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:11,629
Ask me what
fahrvergnügen means!
355
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,397
I'll tell you! I--
356
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,504
So, miss bundy,
357
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:23,207
The accident cost you
your sight?
358
00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:32,449
Yes. I am blind
like the mighty oak.
359
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,152
Miss bundy,
360
00:17:35,153 --> 00:17:37,454
How many fingers
am I holding up?
361
00:17:37,455 --> 00:17:39,957
Oh, you're not gonna
catch me with that one.
362
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,391
I'm blind.
363
00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:43,560
[scoffs]
364
00:17:43,561 --> 00:17:45,229
All right.
[clears throat]
365
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,064
Would you please
point out the man
366
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:49,733
Who hit your car
and blinded you?
367
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:52,903
Sure. It is that guy
right there with the gray suit
368
00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:55,673
And the little band-aid
on his head.
369
00:18:00,478 --> 00:18:02,546
You may step down.
370
00:18:09,987 --> 00:18:11,555
Mr. Bundy--
371
00:18:11,556 --> 00:18:15,225
Uh, please, uh,
just call me big b.
372
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:17,828
No.
373
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:22,299
Mr. Bundy, I bet
you're a good driver.
374
00:18:23,401 --> 00:18:26,136
Ninety-eight
on the written test, babe.
375
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:28,205
My boy's
a winner, peg.
376
00:18:28,206 --> 00:18:31,174
Not like your girl.
377
00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:34,511
Brush your teeth,
honey.
378
00:18:34,512 --> 00:18:38,281
Now, you're
a fine young man. Hm.
379
00:18:40,485 --> 00:18:41,985
Do you know what they do
380
00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:45,289
To fine young men
in the big house?
381
00:18:47,592 --> 00:18:51,495
That's right, big b.
382
00:18:51,496 --> 00:18:54,998
And that's where you're headed
if you perjure yourself.
383
00:18:54,999 --> 00:18:57,768
So I ask you one time
and one time only:
384
00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,938
How did this accident occur?
385
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,373
We were playing eyesies-closies,
386
00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:04,841
And my sister put her hands
over my eyes and I couldn't see,
387
00:19:04,842 --> 00:19:07,645
And I hit the gas,
and I heard a terrible crash.
388
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,215
But the part about us being hurt
was the idea of that man.
389
00:19:15,453 --> 00:19:16,687
[sobbing]
390
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,689
[sighs]
391
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,424
Come on, al.
392
00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,794
Ya only owe $50,000.
393
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:27,331
And you have a whole month
to pay it off.
394
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,132
Now, show some gumption.
395
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,668
You know what we say back home
in wanker county?
396
00:19:31,669 --> 00:19:35,205
"nothin' spells lovin'
like marryin' your cousin"?
397
00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:39,108
No.
398
00:19:39,109 --> 00:19:41,511
When times are tough,
we pull together.
399
00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:42,746
So I'll tell you what,
400
00:19:42,747 --> 00:19:44,815
Bud and kelly and I
are gonna go to the movies
401
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,817
And leave you alone
to think in peace.
402
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,919
Come on, kids.
403
00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:52,223
Dad,
404
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:56,293
I can't help but feel somehow
responsible for this.
405
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:00,497
Aw, son, come here
406
00:20:00,498 --> 00:20:03,200
And let me choke you
till you feel better.
407
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,337
Well, you're not mad at me,
are you, daddy?
408
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:07,871
No, pumpkin.
[chuckles]
409
00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:10,641
How many fists
am I holdin' up?
410
00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:13,877
Oh, don't worry, al.
411
00:20:13,878 --> 00:20:15,745
We'll all pitch in
and help.
412
00:20:15,746 --> 00:20:17,614
Why, bud can
sell newspapers,
413
00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:19,616
And kelly can, uh,
414
00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:22,453
Twirl around
till she gets dizzy.
415
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,989
And I can play
my accordion at parties.
416
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,190
And then all
you have to do
417
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,658
Is come up with
the rest of the 50,000.
418
00:20:28,659 --> 00:20:30,527
You know, I really think
this is gonna bring
419
00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:31,996
Our family
much closer together.
420
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:33,430
Mm-hm.
Come on.
421
00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:35,299
Mom, do I really have
to sell newspapers?
422
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,601
No. I was just
sayin' that.
423
00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:44,207
Fifty-thousand dollars.
424
00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:46,076
Thirty days.
425
00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:51,949
Well, you know what they say.
426
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,318
When the going gets tough,
427
00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:58,522
The tough runs like a thief
in the night.
428
00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:03,127
Goodbye, al bundy.
429
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:06,997
Hello to the mysterious stranger
in a logging camp.
430
00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:09,933
See you on the other side, boy.
431
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,635
[whines]
432
00:21:11,636 --> 00:21:15,205
Well, a loggin' man needs
a loggin' dog.
433
00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:16,273
Come on, boy!
434
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,141
♪ north to alaska ♪
435
00:21:18,142 --> 00:21:20,310
♪ where north
the rush is on ♪
436
00:21:20,311 --> 00:21:22,512
♪ go north to alaska ♪
437
00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:24,214
♪ way north to-- ♪
[tires screeching]
438
00:21:24,215 --> 00:21:25,915
[thud]
al: Unh!
439
00:22:00,985 --> 00:22:02,853
[growling]
440
00:22:40,258 --> 00:22:41,958
[♪]
30548
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