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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,102 --> 00:00:05,103 [♪] 2 00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,745 [groaning] 3 00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:24,749 [wailing] 4 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,486 [sobbing] 5 00:01:28,487 --> 00:01:29,954 What's wrong with daddy? 6 00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:32,790 Ah, he's just payin' bills. 7 00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:35,560 Nothin' to concern us. 8 00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:37,228 Just be happy he's not banging his head 9 00:01:37,229 --> 00:01:38,630 Against the table. 10 00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:41,232 [banging] 11 00:01:43,736 --> 00:01:47,171 Well, I'm signing now, lord. 12 00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:50,509 Please just smite me before I get to the y in bundy. 13 00:01:51,343 --> 00:01:53,811 Oh, give me that pen. 14 00:01:53,812 --> 00:01:55,246 "bundy." 15 00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:59,684 Heh. Yet another thing you start that I finish. 16 00:02:00,852 --> 00:02:02,887 Well, now that that's done, 17 00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:04,689 How 'bout taking us to the movies? 18 00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:05,824 Well, perhaps you were fooled 19 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:09,861 By the opulent luxury of our home. 20 00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,897 You see, believe it or not, we're broke. 21 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,765 Now, I know I've said we're broke before, 22 00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:17,536 And you've all been very brave and spent anyway, 23 00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:20,005 But it's really time to tighten our belts. 24 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,373 Now, peg, what can you do without? 25 00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,209 Apparently an orgasm. 26 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,078 [both laughing] 27 00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:28,480 Heh. 28 00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:32,550 Way to get one. 29 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,321 Kelly, and you? 30 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,491 Well, I think that we all could do without war, daddy. 31 00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:44,094 Now do you think you should have gained more than five pounds 32 00:02:44,095 --> 00:02:47,165 When you were pregnant with her? 33 00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,134 Now, there must be somebody around here 34 00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,236 That can think of some way to save money. 35 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,637 Hey, dad, I got my license. 36 00:02:53,638 --> 00:02:55,774 Can I have a new car? 37 00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:57,442 Daddy's broke. 38 00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,810 You're gonna have to ask mommy 39 00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,578 To get one for you. 40 00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,313 Mommy, can I have a new car? 41 00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:03,581 Sure you can. 42 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,585 Oh, what the hell, new cars for everyone. 43 00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:09,454 That's wonderful! [chattering indistinctly] 44 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:12,790 Quiet, you morons! 45 00:03:12,791 --> 00:03:14,993 There's gonna be no new cars and no new drivers. 46 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,795 I already can't afford insurance, 47 00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,064 What with kelly here and the u-turn queen. 48 00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:25,537 You know, it's not my fault that they always put the sales 49 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,905 On the other side of the street. 50 00:03:27,906 --> 00:03:30,341 Dad, all my friends are driving. 51 00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:32,410 Well, if all your friends were getting married, 52 00:03:32,411 --> 00:03:35,045 Would you do that too? 53 00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:36,113 Look, forget a car. 54 00:03:36,114 --> 00:03:37,382 There's no reason to take one 55 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,217 When you can take a perfectly good bus. 56 00:03:41,687 --> 00:03:43,588 Oh, yeah. I'd look real cool picking up 57 00:03:43,589 --> 00:03:46,624 That special date in the old bus. 58 00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:48,192 Hey, you know what all the guys say: 59 00:03:48,193 --> 00:03:51,429 "for a handful of girl, give the bus a whirl." 60 00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:00,671 Oh, come on, al. 61 00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:02,540 You were worried about kelly driving, 62 00:04:02,541 --> 00:04:03,774 And in the past year, 63 00:04:03,775 --> 00:04:06,544 She's only gotten two or three tickets. 64 00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:09,613 And it would have been four 65 00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:12,417 If I hadn't outran those last cops. 66 00:04:13,518 --> 00:04:15,486 Yep, they were fast enough to keep up with me 67 00:04:15,487 --> 00:04:17,555 Goin' the wrong way on the expressway, 68 00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:22,060 But when it came time to jump that drawbridge, 69 00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:25,396 They just didn't have the guts. 70 00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:27,065 Well, I guess that solves the mystery 71 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,834 Of the bullet hole in my gas tank. 72 00:04:30,735 --> 00:04:32,036 Look, bud, how 'bout this? 73 00:04:32,037 --> 00:04:34,305 Whenever you want to go someplace, I'll take you. 74 00:04:34,306 --> 00:04:35,773 Huh? It'll be fun. 75 00:04:35,774 --> 00:04:37,241 And that way the skirts will think 76 00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:39,310 I'm just one of your cool friends. 77 00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,479 Oh, yeah. 78 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,581 Then you could even have a cool nickname, 79 00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:45,750 Like jowl boy. 80 00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:48,619 Son, let this be a lesson to you. 81 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,121 Never do tequila shooters 82 00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:52,657 Within a country mile of a marriage chapel. 83 00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:01,432 [stomps] 84 00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,643 Fly. 85 00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:18,149 Tapeworm. 86 00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,955 [oldies music playing outside] 87 00:05:27,058 --> 00:05:28,426 What's that? 88 00:05:28,427 --> 00:05:30,695 Oh, that's dad's car stereo. 89 00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:32,297 Since we've been cruisin' together, 90 00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,832 He let me fix it up a little. 91 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,968 Fifteen-hundred watts and no volume control. 92 00:05:37,969 --> 00:05:39,136 [music stops] 93 00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:41,706 With the right song, 94 00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:44,609 You can drop a bird at a hundred yards. 95 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,010 Cool. 96 00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,380 Hey, daddy, can I use the car tonight? 97 00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:51,316 What? 98 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:53,150 What? 99 00:05:53,151 --> 00:05:55,386 Mom, daddy's deaf again! 100 00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:57,922 Oh, I'll fix it. 101 00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:11,402 Is that your way of telling me, uh, 102 00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:12,737 We're out of q-tips? 103 00:06:13,872 --> 00:06:15,907 Oh, honey, if it's good enough for the toilet, 104 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:19,043 They're good enough for you. 105 00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,478 So how was your day, sweetie? 106 00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:21,679 Oh, fine. 107 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,114 Just me cruising around, listening to the oldies channel 108 00:06:24,115 --> 00:06:26,151 At 1500 watts. 109 00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:29,153 Made a lot of new friends. 110 00:06:29,154 --> 00:06:32,423 Take, uh, officer lewis, for example. 111 00:06:32,424 --> 00:06:35,493 Unfortunately, I couldn't hear his siren at first, but luckily, 112 00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:37,728 Police cars are now equipped with rammers 113 00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:41,299 That gently ease me into the rail. 114 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,800 Luckily, the cop liked oldies, 115 00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:44,201 So he beat me with his nightstick 116 00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:46,303 To the tune of "hey jude." 117 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,275 Then he wrote me up 18 tickets. 118 00:06:51,276 --> 00:06:55,580 Including the one for bleeding on his pad. 119 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,416 How was your day? 120 00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,552 Quit whining, dad. 121 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:03,154 Put on the bon jovi hair, and let's roll. 122 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,365 Gee, honey, 123 00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,067 You look like tarzan. 124 00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:17,702 [chuckles] 125 00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,971 If he was old and gay. 126 00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,042 Well, peg, if you were jane, 127 00:07:25,043 --> 00:07:27,111 Believe me, he would be. 128 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,984 Come on, son. Let's roll. 129 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,352 No way. 130 00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,020 The car's mine tonight. 131 00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:37,188 Come on, daddy. 132 00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:39,056 If not, I have to stand on a street corner 133 00:07:39,057 --> 00:07:41,459 And listen to guys yell insulting and degrading remarks 134 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,661 And make kissing sounds. 135 00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:46,764 I'm sorry, honey. We didn't know that was you. 136 00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:53,771 No, forget it, kel. 137 00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,540 That car is mine tonight. 138 00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:56,640 Mine. Mine! 139 00:07:56,641 --> 00:07:57,708 Mine! 140 00:07:57,709 --> 00:08:00,445 Now, that's enough, devil dogs. 141 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,246 Now, I can't take any more of this. 142 00:08:02,247 --> 00:08:03,814 I'm gonna get car insurance for him, 143 00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:06,217 And you two can fight over the car to the death. 144 00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:17,128 Hello. Jim's fish, chips and insurance? 145 00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,263 Al bundy here. Hi, jim. 146 00:08:19,264 --> 00:08:22,699 Uh, listen, how much to put my son on my insurance? 147 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,435 How old? Um... 148 00:08:24,436 --> 00:08:25,703 Sixteen. 149 00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:28,306 Uh, he's 16. 150 00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,042 Whoa! 151 00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,609 If you think I'm gonna pay that much, 152 00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:36,047 You're as stupid as those cats you trap and call "tuna." 153 00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,752 You know, when you insult my wife, jim, 154 00:08:41,753 --> 00:08:43,687 You don't hurt me, pal. 155 00:08:47,592 --> 00:08:49,460 Well, what'd he say, al? 156 00:08:49,461 --> 00:08:51,596 Nothing I haven't said myself. 157 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,098 Now, look, jim, 158 00:08:54,099 --> 00:08:56,334 If that's the best you can do for a lifetime friend 159 00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:57,935 And someone who never told the police 160 00:08:57,936 --> 00:08:59,604 What your "catch of the day" really is, 161 00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,805 Then you can just take my insurance and stuff it. 162 00:09:01,806 --> 00:09:03,107 That's right, all of it! 163 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,243 There, family. 164 00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:08,346 Al bundy takes guff from no one. 165 00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,615 All: Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap... 166 00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,383 All right, I'm going to give you the keys. 167 00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:13,651 Kelly: It's mine. Look out. 168 00:09:13,652 --> 00:09:14,919 Out of the way. Give it to me. 169 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,020 Me! Me! Me! Look out. Me! 170 00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:17,555 Look out. Now, hold it! 171 00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:18,889 Just remember: 172 00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:20,891 The one who drives, be very careful, 173 00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:22,759 Because as you know, we don't have any car-- 174 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:23,961 Give me those! Look out. 175 00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,062 Now, hold it! 176 00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:27,131 Be very careful because we don't have any-- 177 00:09:27,132 --> 00:09:28,333 Ah, the hell... 178 00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:35,673 Well, at least my pain is gone. 179 00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:38,008 Al? Oops. 180 00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,814 Honey, you know, I may just be the wife of a moron, 181 00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:45,216 But isn't canceling our insurance 182 00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,385 And giving the car keys to two teenagers 183 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,820 The work of, well, 184 00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:51,856 The dalai lama of morons? 185 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,791 Peg, we don't need insurance. 186 00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:55,059 Insurance is like marriage: 187 00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,161 You pay, pay, you never get anything back. 188 00:09:57,162 --> 00:09:59,163 Besides-- besides, the car isn't worth more 189 00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:02,099 Than 100 bucks with both kids in it. 190 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,135 Peg, I'm a real hero. 191 00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,337 For once, there's one man brave enough 192 00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:08,840 To stand up and say he doesn't need any stinking car-- 193 00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,041 [crash outside] 194 00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,508 Oh! 195 00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,179 Is that my car? 196 00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:17,148 Yeah. 197 00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,515 Are the kids hurt? 198 00:10:18,516 --> 00:10:20,684 No. Whew. 199 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,155 Then I have to do it myself. 200 00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,600 Gee, what a wreck. 201 00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:38,536 A 500sl mercedes. 202 00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:41,939 You had to hit a $100,000 mercedes? 203 00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,140 You know, it's amazing. 204 00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:48,412 Your dodge, with the high blue book value of $70, 205 00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:52,850 Sliced right through that kraut car like toast. 206 00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:55,519 I'm tellin' you, it is times like these 207 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,723 That I am proud to be an american. 208 00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:01,325 Oh. That's good, peg. 209 00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:03,027 Then it'll be your job to make sure 210 00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,929 Old glory is flying high above our heads 211 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,565 As we wait in line for free cheese. 212 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,634 Oh, how much could it cost to fix it, huh? 213 00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:13,237 A half a mil? 214 00:11:13,238 --> 00:11:14,438 And you know he's gonna sue. 215 00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:16,140 That's the problem with america today. 216 00:11:16,141 --> 00:11:18,642 There's jerks out there everywhere, suing for nothin'. 217 00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:19,944 He hit me, dad. 218 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,545 We're suing. 219 00:11:22,814 --> 00:11:25,883 Peg, get the kids some neck braces. 220 00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:27,752 But, daddy, we weren't hurt. 221 00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,154 Why can't you be more like your brother? Huh? 222 00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:32,623 You don't hear him whining he's not hurt. 223 00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:35,993 Al. Honey, you know we can't win a lawsuit. 224 00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:37,195 Why, ever since 225 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,397 Bundy v. The girl scouts of america, 226 00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:43,968 When you claimed to have choked on a bone in a butter cookie, 227 00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,137 No judge has ever believed a bundy. 228 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,572 Like I ever had a chance. 229 00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:50,308 Peg, as god as my witness, that judge's breath smelled 230 00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,476 Of free chocolate mints. 231 00:11:52,477 --> 00:11:54,011 Let's face it, al. 232 00:11:54,012 --> 00:11:57,181 Our only chance is if we had a reliable witness. 233 00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:58,048 [chuckling] oh, god. 234 00:11:58,049 --> 00:11:59,617 You wanna hear something funny? 235 00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,819 This car phone was lying by my house, 236 00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:03,621 And a policeman came over and asked me 237 00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,155 Which car I thought it came from: 238 00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:07,257 The mercedes or the dodge. 239 00:12:07,258 --> 00:12:08,893 [laughing] 240 00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:11,695 He thought it could be yours. 241 00:12:11,696 --> 00:12:13,197 [laughs] 242 00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:16,934 Oh, a shoe salesman with a car phone. 243 00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,135 What's that? 244 00:12:18,136 --> 00:12:21,204 A woman across town needs a 7 triple e? 245 00:12:21,205 --> 00:12:23,007 I'm on my way. 246 00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,408 [imitates car engine] 247 00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:25,676 [laughing] 248 00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:28,846 [sighing] oh. 249 00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:31,048 Who would have thought seeing an accident like that 250 00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,183 Would be so much fun? 251 00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,283 You saw it? 252 00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:35,119 Yeah. I saw the whole thing from the car 253 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,954 While I was saying good night to my date. 254 00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:39,356 Oh, al, a non-bundy as a witness. 255 00:12:39,357 --> 00:12:40,791 They'll believe her. 256 00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,159 But, peg, do you think a judge 257 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,461 Will believe that she had a date? 258 00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,266 Honey, we could actually be rich. 259 00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,502 All those years of pain and suffering and-- 260 00:12:51,503 --> 00:12:53,571 And the humiliation of having people call me 261 00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:55,772 "mrs. Bundy" to my face 262 00:12:55,773 --> 00:12:57,408 Are finally through. 263 00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:59,176 Oh, kids, go to your sickbeds, 264 00:12:59,177 --> 00:13:02,046 For tomorrow, we sue. 265 00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:05,482 All: Whoa, bundy! 266 00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:06,951 Good night. We're gonna be rich. 267 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,053 [chuckling] 268 00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:22,033 Another accident case? 269 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,401 Great. 270 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,903 I just hope it's not one of those frivolous lawsuits. 271 00:13:25,904 --> 00:13:27,304 Al: Make way. Make way. 272 00:13:27,305 --> 00:13:30,107 A crippled family coming through. 273 00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,117 Rum. 274 00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,561 The case of bundy v. Fitzwilley. 275 00:13:50,562 --> 00:13:52,696 And dr. Fitzwilley is suing the bundys 276 00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:54,498 For a million dollars. 277 00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:56,967 The bundys are countersuing for... 278 00:13:56,968 --> 00:14:00,037 A jillion dollars. 279 00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:05,776 In cash, your honor. 280 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,712 Mr. Bundy, before we begin, 281 00:14:08,713 --> 00:14:11,549 Could you tell me why your wife is wearing a neck brace 282 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,118 When she wasn't involved in the accident? 283 00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:15,852 Uh, let me answer that, your honor. 284 00:14:15,853 --> 00:14:19,423 You see, it's sex whiplash. 285 00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:21,658 But it is accident-related. 286 00:14:21,659 --> 00:14:23,894 You see, my husband got so excited 287 00:14:23,895 --> 00:14:25,295 Over this jillion dollars 288 00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:27,531 That he, uh, just lost control of himself 289 00:14:27,532 --> 00:14:28,732 Last night in bed. 290 00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:30,267 [chuckling] 291 00:14:30,268 --> 00:14:31,468 [sighing] ah. 292 00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:34,371 He kind of caught me off guard. Heh-heh. 293 00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,841 He moved. Heh. 294 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,151 Mr. Bundy, opening statement? 295 00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:49,753 Thank you, your honor. 296 00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:52,022 And may I add that it's nice to see a woman in a robe 297 00:14:52,023 --> 00:14:55,993 Who's not wearing fuzzy slippers and a bag of doritos in her lap. 298 00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:00,498 And now-- [clears throat] 299 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,200 --On to the lawsuit. 300 00:15:03,201 --> 00:15:07,838 While carrying canned goods to their local church group, 301 00:15:07,839 --> 00:15:09,073 My beloved children, 302 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:13,877 Bud and, uh... The girl, 303 00:15:13,878 --> 00:15:16,246 Had their futures maliciously torn asunder 304 00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:19,683 By the merciless destruction of an aryan super-car. 305 00:15:19,684 --> 00:15:20,718 This, your honor, 306 00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:23,788 Is the nightmare of your unified germany. 307 00:15:24,622 --> 00:15:26,256 Thanks to my witness, 308 00:15:26,257 --> 00:15:29,960 A professional banker and brother woman, 309 00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:31,628 We plan to prove 310 00:15:31,629 --> 00:15:33,831 That we deserve a jillion dollars 311 00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:35,398 In cash, 312 00:15:35,399 --> 00:15:40,303 And we humbly await your decision. 313 00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:41,605 So, mrs. Rhoades, 314 00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:43,907 You say you witnessed the accident. 315 00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:45,209 Yes, I did. Mm-hm. 316 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,677 And where were you? 317 00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:47,745 In my driveway. 318 00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,647 I was saying good night to my date in his car. 319 00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,081 Mm-hm. And could you describe 320 00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:52,483 How you saw the accident? 321 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,786 Well, we picked our heads up, and we-- 322 00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:57,887 Picked your heads up. 323 00:15:57,888 --> 00:16:00,157 Where were your heads that you picked them up? 324 00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:02,193 Well... 325 00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,461 Down. 326 00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:07,031 Hey, I know what you're thinking. 327 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:10,001 But let me set you straight. It was not our first date. 328 00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:13,170 And I would like the record to show 329 00:16:13,171 --> 00:16:14,572 That he bought me dinner first, 330 00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,908 And he called me the next day. 331 00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:20,443 And who are you to judge me? 332 00:16:27,184 --> 00:16:29,520 You know what it's like out there in the dating world, 333 00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,822 Being smarter than the man but being unable to show it? 334 00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:34,425 Where is the harm? Where is the harm? 335 00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,693 So, mrs. Rhoades, 336 00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:38,162 You didn't really see who was at fault, did you? 337 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,697 No. 338 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,832 But the mercedes had to be. 339 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:43,801 My ex-husband drove a mercedes. 340 00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:47,204 You may step down, mrs. Rhoades. 341 00:16:47,205 --> 00:16:48,872 He left me like the parsley on a plate 342 00:16:48,873 --> 00:16:52,108 At a truck-stop diner. 343 00:16:52,109 --> 00:16:54,645 He loved that damn car more than he loved me. 344 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:55,613 Bailiff. 345 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:57,247 They have to stop making those cars, 346 00:16:57,248 --> 00:16:58,315 Don't you see? 347 00:16:58,316 --> 00:17:00,317 They're evil. They tell the man: 348 00:17:00,318 --> 00:17:01,485 "you don't need a wife. 349 00:17:01,486 --> 00:17:02,586 "you're a cool guy. 350 00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,221 Look at that teenager over there." 351 00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:06,157 It's not the men. It's the cars. 352 00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,624 I'm warning you, america, 353 00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:09,693 Keep your husbands out of german cars! 354 00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:11,629 Ask me what fahrvergnügen means! 355 00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,397 I'll tell you! I-- 356 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,504 So, miss bundy, 357 00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:23,207 The accident cost you your sight? 358 00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:32,449 Yes. I am blind like the mighty oak. 359 00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,152 Miss bundy, 360 00:17:35,153 --> 00:17:37,454 How many fingers am I holding up? 361 00:17:37,455 --> 00:17:39,957 Oh, you're not gonna catch me with that one. 362 00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,391 I'm blind. 363 00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:43,560 [scoffs] 364 00:17:43,561 --> 00:17:45,229 All right. [clears throat] 365 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,064 Would you please point out the man 366 00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:49,733 Who hit your car and blinded you? 367 00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:52,903 Sure. It is that guy right there with the gray suit 368 00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:55,673 And the little band-aid on his head. 369 00:18:00,478 --> 00:18:02,546 You may step down. 370 00:18:09,987 --> 00:18:11,555 Mr. Bundy-- 371 00:18:11,556 --> 00:18:15,225 Uh, please, uh, just call me big b. 372 00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:17,828 No. 373 00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:22,299 Mr. Bundy, I bet you're a good driver. 374 00:18:23,401 --> 00:18:26,136 Ninety-eight on the written test, babe. 375 00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:28,205 My boy's a winner, peg. 376 00:18:28,206 --> 00:18:31,174 Not like your girl. 377 00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:34,511 Brush your teeth, honey. 378 00:18:34,512 --> 00:18:38,281 Now, you're a fine young man. Hm. 379 00:18:40,485 --> 00:18:41,985 Do you know what they do 380 00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:45,289 To fine young men in the big house? 381 00:18:47,592 --> 00:18:51,495 That's right, big b. 382 00:18:51,496 --> 00:18:54,998 And that's where you're headed if you perjure yourself. 383 00:18:54,999 --> 00:18:57,768 So I ask you one time and one time only: 384 00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,938 How did this accident occur? 385 00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,373 We were playing eyesies-closies, 386 00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:04,841 And my sister put her hands over my eyes and I couldn't see, 387 00:19:04,842 --> 00:19:07,645 And I hit the gas, and I heard a terrible crash. 388 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,215 But the part about us being hurt was the idea of that man. 389 00:19:15,453 --> 00:19:16,687 [sobbing] 390 00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,689 [sighs] 391 00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,424 Come on, al. 392 00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,794 Ya only owe $50,000. 393 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:27,331 And you have a whole month to pay it off. 394 00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,132 Now, show some gumption. 395 00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,668 You know what we say back home in wanker county? 396 00:19:31,669 --> 00:19:35,205 "nothin' spells lovin' like marryin' your cousin"? 397 00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:39,108 No. 398 00:19:39,109 --> 00:19:41,511 When times are tough, we pull together. 399 00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:42,746 So I'll tell you what, 400 00:19:42,747 --> 00:19:44,815 Bud and kelly and I are gonna go to the movies 401 00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,817 And leave you alone to think in peace. 402 00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,919 Come on, kids. 403 00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:52,223 Dad, 404 00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:56,293 I can't help but feel somehow responsible for this. 405 00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:00,497 Aw, son, come here 406 00:20:00,498 --> 00:20:03,200 And let me choke you till you feel better. 407 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,337 Well, you're not mad at me, are you, daddy? 408 00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:07,871 No, pumpkin. [chuckles] 409 00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:10,641 How many fists am I holdin' up? 410 00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:13,877 Oh, don't worry, al. 411 00:20:13,878 --> 00:20:15,745 We'll all pitch in and help. 412 00:20:15,746 --> 00:20:17,614 Why, bud can sell newspapers, 413 00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:19,616 And kelly can, uh, 414 00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:22,453 Twirl around till she gets dizzy. 415 00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,989 And I can play my accordion at parties. 416 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,190 And then all you have to do 417 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,658 Is come up with the rest of the 50,000. 418 00:20:28,659 --> 00:20:30,527 You know, I really think this is gonna bring 419 00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:31,996 Our family much closer together. 420 00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:33,430 Mm-hm. Come on. 421 00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:35,299 Mom, do I really have to sell newspapers? 422 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,601 No. I was just sayin' that. 423 00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:44,207 Fifty-thousand dollars. 424 00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:46,076 Thirty days. 425 00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:51,949 Well, you know what they say. 426 00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,318 When the going gets tough, 427 00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:58,522 The tough runs like a thief in the night. 428 00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:03,127 Goodbye, al bundy. 429 00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:06,997 Hello to the mysterious stranger in a logging camp. 430 00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:09,933 See you on the other side, boy. 431 00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,635 [whines] 432 00:21:11,636 --> 00:21:15,205 Well, a loggin' man needs a loggin' dog. 433 00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:16,273 Come on, boy! 434 00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,141 ♪ north to alaska ♪ 435 00:21:18,142 --> 00:21:20,310 ♪ where north the rush is on ♪ 436 00:21:20,311 --> 00:21:22,512 ♪ go north to alaska ♪ 437 00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:24,214 ♪ way north to-- ♪ [tires screeching] 438 00:21:24,215 --> 00:21:25,915 [thud] al: Unh! 439 00:22:00,985 --> 00:22:02,853 [growling] 440 00:22:40,258 --> 00:22:41,958 [♪] 30548

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