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1
00:00:02,968 --> 00:00:05,503
[♪]
2
00:01:15,174 --> 00:01:17,942
Okay, honey.
It's ready.
3
00:01:20,179 --> 00:01:23,315
All right. What would you
like to start with?
4
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,783
Something light.
5
00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:26,284
The gas bill.
6
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,757
Pen.
7
00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:33,925
Bromo.
8
00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:38,229
Mortgage.
9
00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:40,398
Pepto.
10
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,203
Department store.
11
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,375
Shotgun.
12
00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:56,414
Al...Can't you
go any faster?
13
00:01:56,415 --> 00:01:58,383
Let's pretend
we're upstairs.
14
00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:00,552
I know.
I'll yell, "not yet."
15
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:03,588
That always seems
to speed you up.
16
00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:05,891
Oh, I'm sorry, peg.
Am I bringing you down?
17
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,525
Well, let me try
another attitude.
18
00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:09,427
♪ oh, man, we're broke
cha, cha, cha ♪
19
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:11,262
♪ everybody flat broke
cha, cha, cha ♪
20
00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:13,097
♪ living in the gutter
cha, cha, cha ♪
21
00:02:13,098 --> 00:02:15,934
♪ early grave
cha, cha, cha ♪
22
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:18,637
All right. Now,
everybody, shoot me!
23
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,778
Kiss me
with a hammer.
24
00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:30,114
What's the matter, honey?
25
00:02:30,115 --> 00:02:31,449
It's that school place.
26
00:02:31,450 --> 00:02:35,186
They want me to be a stupid
intern at some stupid station.
27
00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:36,755
Channel 83.
28
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,890
Nobody watches channel 83.
29
00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:43,328
Cosmic dog is
a pretty darn good show.
30
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,830
God, it's so unfair.
31
00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:47,365
They gave all
the cool assignments
32
00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:49,768
To the kids
who were awake.
33
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,137
They're gonna
make me work nights.
34
00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:54,306
So now, come dawn,
35
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:55,873
When we're wondering
where you are,
36
00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:57,675
We'll just check
the tv station
37
00:02:57,676 --> 00:02:59,077
Instead of the bushes.
38
00:03:00,479 --> 00:03:03,714
Oh, go dance alone
in your underwear.
39
00:03:03,715 --> 00:03:05,583
Al, the kids
are arguing again.
40
00:03:05,584 --> 00:03:06,951
Would you talk to them?
41
00:03:06,952 --> 00:03:11,222
Talking to them won't
make them go away, peg.
42
00:03:11,223 --> 00:03:14,425
Besides, I have to concentrate
on this raise thing.
43
00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:16,527
It's time I got
my dignity back.
44
00:03:16,528 --> 00:03:18,763
Come on, bud, let's get
some windex and a squeegee
45
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:19,864
And hit the off-ramps.
46
00:03:22,434 --> 00:03:24,802
Daddy needs to
buy a power tie.
47
00:03:26,071 --> 00:03:27,638
Mom, what am I
gonna do?
48
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,306
If I don't do
this stupid intern thing,
49
00:03:29,307 --> 00:03:31,041
I won't graduate.
50
00:03:31,042 --> 00:03:34,279
Hm...Graduation.
51
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,549
Kelly...Maybe it's time
we had a little talk.
52
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,083
You're getting
to be a big girl now,
53
00:03:39,084 --> 00:03:41,019
And there's something
I've been putting off
54
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,654
Telling you for a while.
55
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,388
But time is
slipping by quickly,
56
00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:47,992
And I don't want you to learn
about it on the street.
57
00:03:47,993 --> 00:03:51,395
Honey, ahem...There is
a thing out there
58
00:03:51,396 --> 00:03:53,831
That men will
want you to do.
59
00:03:53,832 --> 00:03:56,601
In fact, they'll
expect it.
60
00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:59,037
Now, no woman
really enjoys it,
61
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:02,040
But we do it,
get them to marry us
62
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,475
And then never
have to do it again.
63
00:04:06,645 --> 00:04:10,181
That horrible thing
is called...
64
00:04:10,182 --> 00:04:12,650
Work.
65
00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:14,285
Hold me, mom.
I'm scared.
66
00:04:14,286 --> 00:04:17,655
Aw, I know. I know.
67
00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:20,424
But, honey, the important thing
is to do it early,
68
00:04:20,425 --> 00:04:21,693
While you're still young.
69
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:25,830
That way...When your husband
comes home reeking of beer,
70
00:04:25,831 --> 00:04:29,801
Wanting some loving, you'll
follow that fat rump upstairs.
71
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:34,606
Because you'll know...
That no matter how disgusting
72
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,241
The next three
minutes will be...
73
00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:41,746
It still beats
the hell out of work.
74
00:04:41,747 --> 00:04:44,415
Thank you, mom.
You're so wise.
75
00:04:44,416 --> 00:04:45,717
Ah, well.
76
00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:48,219
You know, you can't sit
on a sofa 20 hours a day
77
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:49,687
And not learn something.
78
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,061
Okay, who ordered
the coffee?
79
00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:58,295
I did.
80
00:05:05,504 --> 00:05:06,504
Who is that?
81
00:05:06,505 --> 00:05:07,772
It's our new intern.
82
00:05:07,773 --> 00:05:11,042
But what we need is a gimmick
to get the ratings up.
83
00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:14,379
Look. I made it cloudy
way up in the pointy states.
84
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,954
Come on, al.
85
00:05:23,955 --> 00:05:25,824
What is it
you're gonna tell us?
86
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,558
Is it about
your raise?
87
00:05:27,559 --> 00:05:28,859
Ah, ah, ah, peg.
88
00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:31,462
Not till the whole
family's here.
89
00:05:31,463 --> 00:05:32,697
This news is so big,
90
00:05:32,698 --> 00:05:34,332
I even want the girl
to hear it.
91
00:05:37,703 --> 00:05:39,470
There we go.
92
00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:41,039
It's time.
93
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,340
Family--
94
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:45,209
Mom, dad, I just got a job
for $1000 a week.
95
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:47,478
Are you kidding me?
96
00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:49,080
I can't believe that.
97
00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:50,347
Oh, we're
rich!
We're rich!
98
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,117
Oh, mom.
99
00:05:53,118 --> 00:05:56,353
Oh, mom. She's
finally turning pro.
100
00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:02,694
Oh, a successful
bundy.
101
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,461
Oh, al...
102
00:06:04,462 --> 00:06:07,165
Come and brownnose
with us.
103
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,167
Why should I?
You're already doing a good job.
104
00:06:10,335 --> 00:06:12,503
I'm sorry, honey.
105
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,605
You had
an announcement too.
106
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:17,742
Did not.
107
00:06:17,743 --> 00:06:19,176
Come on, dad,
tell us.
108
00:06:19,177 --> 00:06:20,878
We're really
interested.
109
00:06:20,879 --> 00:06:23,481
Well, okay.
110
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:26,317
Well, today I made
my stand at work.
111
00:06:26,318 --> 00:06:28,319
I fought, I threw myself
on the ground,
112
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,687
I screamed like a woman.
113
00:06:30,756 --> 00:06:32,557
But I finally got
what I was after.
114
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:36,294
Folks, you're looking at a man
with a $5 a week raise.
115
00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:41,399
Gee, kelly...
Kelly...
116
00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:49,773
Hurry up, dad.
She's gonna be
on in a minute.
117
00:06:49,774 --> 00:06:52,043
Well, I still think it's
a pretty unfair world
118
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,412
When someone who doesn't even
have a high school diploma
119
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,980
Makes more than
someone important,
120
00:06:55,981 --> 00:06:59,183
Like a ph.D.
Or a...Shoe salesman.
121
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:03,521
Oh, honey...You may
not make much money,
122
00:07:03,522 --> 00:07:06,223
But kelly will never have
the satisfaction of saying,
123
00:07:06,224 --> 00:07:10,061
"I used to play
a little high-school ball."
124
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,797
You know, son, one day
you'll have a girl
125
00:07:13,798 --> 00:07:18,102
Just like the girl
that's killing
dear old dad.
126
00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:19,404
Shut up, al.
127
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,938
Oh, she's coming on.
128
00:07:20,939 --> 00:07:22,673
Announcer:
And now the action weather,
129
00:07:22,674 --> 00:07:25,843
With meteorologistbill palomino.
130
00:07:25,844 --> 00:07:29,147
And, yes, girls,I'm still single.
131
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:31,515
Now, let's have some fun.Let's do weather.
132
00:07:31,516 --> 00:07:33,050
It's still sunnyhere in chicago,
133
00:07:33,051 --> 00:07:34,218
But up in washington,
134
00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:35,653
They're expectingmore clouds.
135
00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:37,088
Right, weather bunny?
136
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:38,589
Right-o,bill.
137
00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:48,566
Look, folks, it stays up thereall by itself.
138
00:07:50,969 --> 00:07:52,469
And we havetornado warnings for--
139
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:53,971
Excuse me, bill.
140
00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:56,540
But I have a littleinside tip for our viewers.
141
00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:57,942
You see theselittle clouds?
142
00:07:57,943 --> 00:07:59,810
Now, they won't stickto just anything.
143
00:07:59,811 --> 00:08:01,412
Look.
144
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,018
Now, kids,don't try this at home.
145
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,953
Back to you, bill.
146
00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:15,393
Oh. Look at her, al.
147
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:18,696
The product
of our love.
148
00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:22,466
That's not surprising,
is it, peg?
149
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:25,236
Oh, al, I know you're
a little down,
150
00:08:25,237 --> 00:08:27,171
What with kelly
making more in a day
151
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:29,140
Than you made
in the '80s.
152
00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:32,243
But, as far
as I'm concerned,
153
00:08:32,244 --> 00:08:33,911
You're still the man
in the house.
154
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:35,546
Thanks, peg.
What's for dinner?
155
00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:36,547
Veal.
156
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:37,848
I hate veal.
157
00:08:37,849 --> 00:08:40,618
Oh, I know,
but kelly wanted it.
158
00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:44,254
And so,
as you can all see,
159
00:08:44,255 --> 00:08:46,891
Kelly bundy overcame
blinding poverty
160
00:08:46,892 --> 00:08:49,226
To become the star
she is today.
161
00:08:49,227 --> 00:08:51,395
And remember...Later,
there will be a chance
162
00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:53,964
For all of you to purchase
some of her bath water.
163
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,134
So now,
if you'll just wave
164
00:08:57,135 --> 00:08:59,336
To kelly's mother
on the way out...
165
00:09:00,906 --> 00:09:02,072
We'll conclude
the tour
166
00:09:02,073 --> 00:09:03,808
With the car that kelly
was conceived in
167
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,543
And the garage
where she was born.
168
00:09:10,882 --> 00:09:13,684
Oh, al...Isn't
this exciting?
169
00:09:13,685 --> 00:09:16,087
He didn't even
introduce me, peg.
170
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,789
Well, you know,
we discussed it,
171
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:20,725
But the legend seemed
to work better with you dead.
172
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,561
Oh. Oh.
173
00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:26,464
Oh, god. What a day.
174
00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:28,466
Clouds just
would not stick.
175
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,102
I'm bleeding for you.
176
00:09:32,103 --> 00:09:34,872
Pass me a bread stick,
dear.
177
00:09:34,873 --> 00:09:37,407
Al...She reaches
for a living.
178
00:09:37,408 --> 00:09:39,710
She should relax
when she's at home.
179
00:09:39,711 --> 00:09:42,013
Excuse your father, honey.
He's an idiot.
180
00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:47,418
Peggy...Tell bud I don't have
to pay to get in here.
181
00:09:47,419 --> 00:09:48,686
That's
right, bud.
182
00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:51,889
I sold her
a lifetime pass yesterday.
183
00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:56,227
Kelly, I've got
to ask you a question.
184
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,829
I am sorry,
but I am not allowed
185
00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:01,432
To reveal tomorrow's weather
until tomorrow.
186
00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:03,067
To hell with the weather.
187
00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:05,870
Give me the poop on palomino.
188
00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:07,404
Boy, there's one warm front
189
00:10:07,405 --> 00:10:09,540
I wouldn't mind settling
over me for a few days.
190
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:14,312
Well, actually,
he's not the nice man
191
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,646
That he appears to be.
192
00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:17,047
I mean, just today
after the weather,
193
00:10:17,048 --> 00:10:19,316
When I, like america,
194
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:23,120
Wondered aloud
where east dakota was...
195
00:10:23,121 --> 00:10:24,822
He went
to the station manager
196
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:27,258
And said,
"either the bimbo goes or I go."
197
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,859
Well, it looks
like things
198
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,961
Will start to get back
to normal around here now.
199
00:10:30,962 --> 00:10:32,930
So I guess the next tour
comes through here,
200
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:35,466
You'll be selling
my bath water.
201
00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:37,735
Yeah, right, al.
202
00:10:37,736 --> 00:10:41,104
Like I really kept it
for five years.
203
00:10:43,942 --> 00:10:45,776
I'm sorry you lost
your job, kelly.
204
00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:48,712
My job? They canned him
like a tuna.
205
00:10:51,049 --> 00:10:53,250
I mean...After all,
206
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:55,586
I am the one
in the short skirt.
207
00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:59,724
And you always
will be, honey.
208
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,927
Oh, your first job.
How exciting.
209
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,028
Working during
your high school years.
210
00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:06,564
That's what I did.
211
00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:08,899
While everyone else
was out having fun.
212
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:12,002
But I was saving
for a college education.
213
00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:13,303
And that's
what it went for.
214
00:11:13,304 --> 00:11:17,341
My sister's
college education.
215
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:19,710
Ah! And, of course,
mother wouldn't dream
216
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:20,945
Of asking her to work.
217
00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:24,414
No. Because sis was too
pretty and too delicate
218
00:11:24,415 --> 00:11:26,784
To be hauling around
slabs of meat.
219
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,454
Now she's a physicist,
220
00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:31,822
And I can stuff
a sausage
221
00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:34,558
With one hand
tied behind my back.
222
00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:35,960
So everything
worked out.
223
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,428
I guess what
I'm trying to say is...
224
00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:42,333
What happened
to my life? My youth?
225
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,601
Peg, do you mind,
here?
226
00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:49,039
All I want is
my fair share.
227
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,843
To go to the prom.
To work on a float.
228
00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:54,678
To have a date
with a boy
229
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,814
Instead of a pork shoulder
I'd call vinnie.
230
00:11:57,949 --> 00:12:00,785
Peggy, do I deserve
to be treated like this?
231
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:01,985
I mean--
232
00:12:03,755 --> 00:12:05,122
[mouths words]
233
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:10,027
God. She needs a date
worse than I do.
234
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,564
Mom, she really
depressed me.
235
00:12:13,565 --> 00:12:16,400
Oh, honey,
it's all right.
236
00:12:16,401 --> 00:12:18,669
I know what would
make you feel better.
237
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:22,373
Al, tell us again
about your raise.
238
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:23,707
[laughing]
239
00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:26,310
How much was it?
240
00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:31,949
Oh, you're
the greatest, mom.
241
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:34,852
But I really do
need some advice.
242
00:12:34,853 --> 00:12:38,021
Mom, I'm on the horns
of an enema.
243
00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:44,228
See...In order to be
the weather girl,
244
00:12:44,229 --> 00:12:46,230
I'd have to work full-time,
and that would mean
245
00:12:46,231 --> 00:12:47,732
I'd have to quit school.
246
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:50,801
Oh. Gee, kelly.
247
00:12:50,802 --> 00:12:53,304
Quitting school's
a big step.
248
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:56,740
I mean, that's where
we get our pens and pencils.
249
00:12:58,042 --> 00:13:01,345
And our little
cartons of milk.
250
00:13:01,346 --> 00:13:02,947
Al, talk to her.
251
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,883
What's left to say,
mama walton?
252
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,154
Come here, young lady.
253
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:17,228
Now, kelly...You've got
to stay in school.
254
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:19,230
It's important
for your future.
255
00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,064
Now, look at me.
256
00:13:21,065 --> 00:13:22,933
If I didn't have
a high school diploma,
257
00:13:22,934 --> 00:13:24,502
I'd just be a...
258
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,007
Well, maybe I'm not
a good example,
259
00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:33,144
But...It does help
other people.
260
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:36,980
You know, lawyers,
doctors, astronauts...
261
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,185
Everybody except me.
262
00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:42,186
Daddy?
263
00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:44,455
Give daddy
a second here.
264
00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:53,897
What happened to me?
265
00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:56,634
I'm not a stupid man.
266
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,068
Oh, well.
267
00:13:58,069 --> 00:14:00,204
It's important
to stay in school.
268
00:14:00,205 --> 00:14:01,772
You can command
a much bigger salary
269
00:14:01,773 --> 00:14:03,974
With a high school diploma
than without it.
270
00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:06,877
How much they gonna pay you
to be this...Weather girl?
271
00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:10,981
Well...The contract
is for three years at, um...
272
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:14,284
$250,000 a year.
273
00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:21,058
All right. High school
is for dummies.
274
00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:23,193
Now, I wanted to pull you out
of the seventh grade,
275
00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:24,561
But your mother
and that county
276
00:14:24,562 --> 00:14:26,063
Wouldn't let me.
277
00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:29,300
What about
the astronauts, al?
278
00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:32,035
You name one that's
doing better than
my little girl here.
279
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:36,207
Now, pumpkin, you're
going to need a manager.
280
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,608
Should be somebody
close to you,
281
00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:40,444
Maybe a family member,
someone you can trust.
282
00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:41,812
Well, I trust you,
daddy.
283
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,582
And I love you,
pumpkin.
284
00:14:45,583 --> 00:14:46,817
Now, I know
you want daddy,
285
00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:48,119
But he doesn't
come cheap.
286
00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:50,988
Because, see, I'm gonna
have to retire
287
00:14:50,989 --> 00:14:52,856
From the shoe business
to manage you.
288
00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:56,160
Al...Can't you sell shoes
and rob kelly
289
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,095
At the same time?
290
00:14:58,096 --> 00:14:59,830
Shut up, peg,
if you want to live here
291
00:14:59,831 --> 00:15:01,164
With me and my baby.
292
00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:06,904
Now...I'll take
40 percent of the gross.
293
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:08,538
What's "gross" mean?
294
00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:12,142
She's some special little girl,
isn't she, peg?
295
00:15:13,311 --> 00:15:14,611
Oh, daddy,
can I ask a favor?
296
00:15:14,612 --> 00:15:16,113
Kelly, you don't even
have to ask.
297
00:15:16,114 --> 00:15:18,682
Peg, take the boy and the dog
and get out of here.
298
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,761
No, dad. I want to know
if I could get a porsche?
299
00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:31,962
They said I could
have one
300
00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:33,564
If you would co-sign
the loan for me.
301
00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:35,533
Yeah, right. So I would
be responsible for it.
302
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:37,100
Forget it. You don't
need a porsche.
303
00:15:37,101 --> 00:15:38,569
Why, for the same
amount of money,
304
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,938
You could have
my old dodge.
305
00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:43,707
Come on, kelly.
Daddy's not the only
parent you've got.
306
00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:45,142
Forget it, peg.
307
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,977
You can have a percentage
of our son buck.
308
00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:48,078
Bud.
309
00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:50,881
Bud, buck.
What's the difference?
310
00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:53,184
Take them both.
Kelly's my baby.
311
00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,119
And if my baby
wants a porsche,
312
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,753
A porsche
she shall have.
313
00:15:56,754 --> 00:15:58,488
Hey, dad, can we stop
for ice cream?
314
00:15:58,489 --> 00:16:00,124
We sure can,
if you're paying.
315
00:16:02,827 --> 00:16:04,461
Veal again?
316
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,330
Kelly likes veal.
317
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:07,898
If kelly wanted my head
on a platter,
318
00:16:07,899 --> 00:16:09,666
Would you do it
for her?
319
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:12,436
Honey, for a quarter mil
a year,
320
00:16:12,437 --> 00:16:15,573
I'd make bundy-kabobs
out of you and your father.
321
00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:35,759
Family babes.
322
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,428
How's it going?
323
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:40,531
Al, that suit must have
cost a fortune.
324
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,833
Hey, nothing's
too good for me.
325
00:16:44,602 --> 00:16:46,737
Peg, I'm telling you,
I'm a changed man.
326
00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:49,740
You're looking at
a whole new al bundy.
327
00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:57,347
Did you get kelly's
contracts all finalized?
328
00:16:57,348 --> 00:17:00,017
Well, just a couple of
sticky points to iron out.
329
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,718
Tomorrow I'm bringing out
the big guns.
330
00:17:01,719 --> 00:17:06,356
Gonna get me one of them
high-class sears lawyers.
331
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:08,325
Oh, I quit my job too.
332
00:17:08,326 --> 00:17:11,929
Yeah, they begged me to stay,
but I laughed in their faces.
333
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:14,564
I told them, "hey! If I need
an extra 5 bucks a week,
334
00:17:14,565 --> 00:17:16,733
I get it
from my little girl."
335
00:17:16,734 --> 00:17:18,702
Aw, gee, honey...
336
00:17:18,703 --> 00:17:21,037
Who would have thought
that big 30 seconds
337
00:17:21,038 --> 00:17:22,872
You spent 17 years ago
338
00:17:22,873 --> 00:17:26,343
Would pay off like this?
339
00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:28,212
And you said
it wasn't any good.
340
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,346
Aw!
341
00:17:31,349 --> 00:17:33,017
Well, I'm getting
all a's in school.
342
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:34,818
And my teacher said
if I keep it up,
343
00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:37,121
I could make school
valedictorian.
344
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,155
Yeah.
That and 25 cents
345
00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:39,890
Will buy you
a bag of chips.
346
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,427
Yup. Time to watch
our little meal ticket
347
00:17:43,428 --> 00:17:45,295
Do the weather.
348
00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:46,730
I'm nervous, al.
349
00:17:46,731 --> 00:17:48,332
Chill out, babe.
All she has to do
350
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,100
Is read it off
the teleprompter.
351
00:17:50,101 --> 00:17:52,236
Announcer:
And now,our action news weather
352
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:55,506
With meteorologistweather bunny kelly bundy.
353
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,074
Hello, everyone.
354
00:17:57,075 --> 00:18:00,243
Oh, hi, daddy.I like my car.
355
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:01,946
Oh...By the way.
356
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,647
Jim here's too modestto tell you,
357
00:18:03,648 --> 00:18:05,683
But...He wonthe big office pool
358
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,885
On how many people diedin that train wreck in peru.
359
00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,854
Way to go, jim.
360
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,388
Anyway, on to the weather.
361
00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:18,462
"there is a...Strom...Coming to..."
362
00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:23,233
You know, that reading tutor
is really paying off.
363
00:18:23,234 --> 00:18:26,970
"to...Chick ago."
364
00:18:28,272 --> 00:18:29,472
News anchor:
Chicago!
365
00:18:31,042 --> 00:18:34,444
Uh-oh. There's a stromcoming to us?
366
00:18:34,445 --> 00:18:35,512
What's a strom?
367
00:18:35,513 --> 00:18:36,947
News anchor:
Storm!
368
00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:41,685
Why don't they just
put some peanut butter
369
00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:44,522
On her gums,
like they did with mr. Ed?
370
00:18:47,992 --> 00:18:52,395
"winds are up to 30...Mphs."
371
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,200
News anchor:
That's miles per hour,you idiot!
372
00:18:57,201 --> 00:18:59,402
Hey, I'm notan idiot.
373
00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:02,038
I happen to bea meterlalologist.
374
00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,108
Dork.
375
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,946
Anyway, "strom clodsare forming--"
376
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:10,113
News anchor:
Clouds!
377
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:12,883
Strom clouds--oh!
378
00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:14,618
Never mind.Somebody get her off.
379
00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:16,119
I'm ripping upher contract.
380
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,988
She's gone.
381
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:26,997
All a's, huh?
382
00:19:31,502 --> 00:19:33,570
I know what
you're thinking, al.
383
00:19:33,571 --> 00:19:36,974
If only you'd let kelly sign
her contract when she wanted to,
384
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,909
We'd be rich.
385
00:19:38,910 --> 00:19:40,443
Or are you thinking,
386
00:19:40,444 --> 00:19:42,479
"you know, if I had
the brain of a goldfish,
387
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,847
I could get
a better job"?
388
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,184
I guess I ought to
get my job back, huh?
389
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:48,619
Well, I don't know, dad.
390
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,687
You might be
a little rusty.
391
00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:53,289
Are you sure
you can still do this?
392
00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:54,858
[laughing]
393
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:58,228
Ha-ha.
Ah, I love you guys.
394
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:01,131
What a disaster, huh?
395
00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:02,999
Well, the real killer
was the porsche.
396
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,035
Well, how bad could
the depreciation be?
397
00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,303
She only drove it
4 miles.
398
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,772
That can only be what,
about 8, 10,000 dollars?
399
00:20:09,974 --> 00:20:11,809
[telephone
rings]
400
00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:14,611
Hello.
401
00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:16,546
It's kelly
on her car phone, dad.
402
00:20:18,282 --> 00:20:20,017
Kelly?
403
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:23,553
Yes, we still love you.
404
00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:25,990
Yes, I'm glad
you like your car.
405
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:28,826
Of course you can
keep it after this.
406
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:29,827
She is an idiot.
407
00:20:31,262 --> 00:20:33,931
Kelly...Be very,
very careful.
408
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:36,133
Drive very carefully.
409
00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:37,801
Yes, we still love you.
410
00:20:37,802 --> 00:20:39,503
Be very, very careful.
411
00:20:40,738 --> 00:20:42,940
Thank god, she's just
right down the street.
412
00:20:45,276 --> 00:20:46,710
Ah, here she comes.
413
00:20:46,711 --> 00:20:49,112
Easy, kelly.
414
00:20:49,113 --> 00:20:51,314
Easy, kelly. Ah.
415
00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:53,150
Thank god.
She's in the garage.
416
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,352
You know, peg, if anything
happened to that porsche,
417
00:20:55,353 --> 00:20:56,353
My life would be--
418
00:20:56,354 --> 00:20:58,722
[tires screeching]
419
00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:15,239
[telephone
rings]
420
00:21:18,809 --> 00:21:20,410
Hello?
421
00:21:20,411 --> 00:21:22,979
It's kelly
on her car phone, dad.
422
00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:25,949
Tell her hi for me.
423
00:21:27,852 --> 00:21:29,519
So, what's up?
424
00:21:31,355 --> 00:21:33,323
Dad mad?
425
00:21:33,324 --> 00:21:36,760
No. He's just a little...
Concerned for your safety.
426
00:21:40,731 --> 00:21:42,299
Come on in.
427
00:22:01,786 --> 00:22:05,122
[♪]
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