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1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,536
[♪]
2
00:01:18,577 --> 00:01:20,711
I work in a shoe store,
3
00:01:20,712 --> 00:01:23,481
And still I'm not happy
to come home.
4
00:01:26,485 --> 00:01:29,354
Mr. Bundy,
wanna buy some
chipmunk cookies?
5
00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:30,989
No. Go away.
6
00:01:33,192 --> 00:01:35,793
You can't tell me
you're not hungry.
7
00:01:35,794 --> 00:01:38,563
My daddy says you eat
bugs and dirt.
8
00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,601
Well, you go home
and tell your daddy,
9
00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:46,170
You have
the mailman's eyes.
10
00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:51,009
It's food.
11
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,844
All right.
12
00:01:52,845 --> 00:01:55,380
Gimme a box
of these macaroons.
13
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:58,382
Cash only...Deadbeat.
14
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,654
I don't have any cash.
Give me some credit.
15
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:03,854
Eat a bug.
16
00:02:05,123 --> 00:02:06,957
Wet a bed.
17
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,130
Ah, jeez.
18
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:20,138
"dear al...
19
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,808
"you always complain
there's no dinner.
20
00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:26,077
Surprise. I left it
on the table for you."
21
00:02:32,217 --> 00:02:36,220
You ate my dinner,
you bag of fleas
and ticks.
22
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,522
I'm starving.
23
00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:51,269
Hi, honey.
24
00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:53,772
Oh, al, we had
such a great day.
25
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,940
Steve took us all
to the zoo.
26
00:02:55,941 --> 00:02:58,343
And al, it was
the best time to go.
27
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,911
No lines or anything.
28
00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:01,746
Because, you know,
during the day,
29
00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:04,282
All the idiots
who have jobs
can't go.
30
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,884
[laughing]
31
00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:10,988
Dad, you'll never
guess what we saw
32
00:03:10,989 --> 00:03:12,524
At the zoo today,
with uncle steve.
33
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:16,828
A family of vultures
pecking the flesh of the daddy?
34
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:19,664
No. A big gorilla,
big as you,
35
00:03:19,665 --> 00:03:22,467
Scratching himself.
36
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:26,070
Yeah, and he had
one hand where
his pants would be.
37
00:03:26,071 --> 00:03:27,772
And in his other hand--
38
00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,641
You know how you hold
your beer?
39
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,609
Well, he was holding
something.
40
00:03:34,045 --> 00:03:35,813
I think
it was doody.
41
00:03:39,518 --> 00:03:43,020
Where were you
around 3:00 today?
42
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,757
You know, my favorite part
was the penguin cage.
43
00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:48,293
It really makes you think.
44
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:51,296
There, but for
the flippers, go I.
45
00:03:56,935 --> 00:03:59,671
Well, the flippers
and a breakaway bra.
46
00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:03,842
You know, you should be
nice to me.
47
00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:05,944
If I hadn't told
the guard that you
were with us,
48
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,112
You'd be riding
a unicycle and
clapping for fish
49
00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:09,113
Right about now.
50
00:04:10,983 --> 00:04:12,784
[doorbell
rings]
51
00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:14,419
Oh, my god,
I'll bet that's marcie.
52
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,521
I was supposed to be out
looking for a job today.
53
00:04:16,522 --> 00:04:20,792
If she smells fun on me,
I'm a dead man.
54
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:21,793
Stall her.
55
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,631
Pretty pathetic, huh?
56
00:04:26,632 --> 00:04:30,302
You know, I don't think steve
has what it takes not to work.
57
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,236
He almost seems ashamed of it.
58
00:04:32,237 --> 00:04:33,338
I'll tell you what:
59
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:36,207
If I ever get like that,
shoot me.
60
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,610
Uh, in case I'm not here
when that happens,
61
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,978
Can I just wing you now?
62
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:43,647
Oh, hi, marcie.
63
00:04:43,648 --> 00:04:47,018
I went to the zoo today
with the kids,
and nobody else.
64
00:04:47,019 --> 00:04:48,619
How was your day?
65
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,587
Superb.
66
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:51,822
Since I got demoted
to drive-up teller,
67
00:04:51,823 --> 00:04:55,593
Everything is just
so much more exciting.
68
00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:57,262
It's a people job.
69
00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:59,664
They drive up
to my window,
70
00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:02,900
Order a cheeseburger...
Spit at me
71
00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:05,002
And drive away.
72
00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:07,004
But they're not all
like that.
73
00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:08,873
Some of them actually try
to pull my hand
74
00:05:08,874 --> 00:05:09,907
Through the chute
75
00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:11,942
Before they spit at me
and drive away.
76
00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:16,147
So, between that and the cheery
"hurry up, you stupid moo-cow,"
77
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:20,652
The 50-hour workweek
just seems to zoom by.
78
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,487
Don't let them
bother you, marcie.
79
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:26,991
Ignore them, chew your cud
and hold your horns up high.
80
00:05:33,699 --> 00:05:36,100
Boy, what a day.
81
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:38,269
Oh, marcie...
82
00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,438
I didn't expect to see
you here.
83
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,641
Oh, damn.
84
00:05:43,642 --> 00:05:46,177
I wish I could've
been home in time
to cook you dinner.
85
00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:48,313
Ah, I'm such
a failure.
86
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,815
Oh. No, honey,
it's ok.
87
00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,751
Did you find anything
today, angel heart?
88
00:05:53,752 --> 00:05:54,919
Oh, no.
89
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,421
Not from lack of trying.
90
00:05:57,422 --> 00:05:58,923
I've heard it all:
91
00:05:58,924 --> 00:06:01,859
Too old, too young,
too handsome.
92
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,795
Put your
feet up, folks.
93
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,362
Getting pretty
deep in here.
94
00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:07,799
Shh!
95
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,935
Oh, well,
you come on home,
steve.
96
00:06:10,936 --> 00:06:12,403
I'll rub your feet
for you.
97
00:06:12,404 --> 00:06:14,338
They must be tired
from walking all day.
98
00:06:14,339 --> 00:06:15,974
Oh, but dear,
you work so hard.
99
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,708
But...Okay.
100
00:06:18,777 --> 00:06:21,112
Hey, mr. Rhoades,
before you go,
101
00:06:21,113 --> 00:06:22,747
I have a zoo question for you.
102
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,682
When you were riding
the little train
103
00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:26,017
Around bear land today,
104
00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,719
Were there any
real-live teddy bears,
105
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,920
Like bud said?
106
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:32,023
Or do they live someplace else,
like I think?
107
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,864
Uh, marcie, I can't go on
keeping secrets from you.
108
00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:40,932
I was at the zoo today
109
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:43,501
And I really didn't
look for anything.
110
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:44,602
Well, good, steve.
111
00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,905
Tonight when we're
in bed together,
112
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,073
Don't look for anything
there, either.
113
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,345
Well, then I guess
you won't take
this well, either.
114
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,414
I've been thinking.
115
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,584
I don't really
want to work.
116
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,253
It's boring.
117
00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:04,489
I'm having fun not working.
Peggy says--
118
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:08,226
Well, marcie says,
you're working, leech-man.
119
00:07:09,928 --> 00:07:12,696
Now...On the slim
chance
120
00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:14,265
You weren't going to do
squat today,
121
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,933
Which you didn't,
122
00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:17,101
I called
your former boss
123
00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:19,670
On my lunch
six minutes...
124
00:07:19,671 --> 00:07:21,406
And he agreed
to see you.
125
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:23,508
So, if you could put on
a clean suit,
126
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,243
Brush those teeth,
127
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:29,213
And put on
some cologne to cover up
that wombat smell...
128
00:07:29,214 --> 00:07:31,382
He'll see you
tomorrow afternoon.
129
00:07:31,383 --> 00:07:33,217
I will meet you there
130
00:07:33,218 --> 00:07:35,219
To make sure you say,
"I'll take it,"
131
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,856
To any menial job
that's tossed your way.
132
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:40,625
Well, I'm afraid tomorrow
doesn't work for me.
133
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,528
I told peggy and the kids
I'd take them to the aquarium.
134
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,563
Well, dear...
I'm afraid
135
00:07:46,564 --> 00:07:48,732
You'll be rather
uncomfortable
at the aquarium
136
00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:49,867
With my foot lodged
137
00:07:49,868 --> 00:07:51,635
Where mommy used to put
the thermometer.
138
00:07:54,339 --> 00:07:55,907
You know, peg,
139
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,641
Seeing marcie take charge
like that
140
00:07:57,642 --> 00:07:59,343
Reminds me of what
a real man should be.
141
00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:01,112
So, I'm putting
my foot down.
142
00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:03,114
Tomorrow, when I come home,
I want my slippers,
143
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,216
I want my paper,
before buck.
144
00:08:05,217 --> 00:08:09,087
I want my dinner,
again, before buck.
145
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:10,654
I am the marcie
of this house.
146
00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:12,489
I have spoken.
147
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:15,159
So it is written.
So it shall be done.
148
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,598
"place cheese critters in water,
149
00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:21,699
"and watch them grow.
150
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:27,705
Keep out of reach of children."
151
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:37,749
Oh, hi, honey.
152
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,316
You should've been
with us today.
153
00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:41,218
We had
a great time.
154
00:08:41,219 --> 00:08:42,987
Yeah, we fed a shark
a hamburger,
155
00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:44,889
And then they gave
a french fry to this guppy,
156
00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:46,457
And he exploded.
157
00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:48,960
And dad,
they had those
great hot dogs
158
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,094
That you like so much.
159
00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:51,663
Mom put one
on each side of her mouth
160
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,230
And pretended
like she was a walrus.
161
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:58,703
Does anyone care
that I haven't eaten in days?
162
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,137
I haven't really
thought about it.
163
00:09:00,138 --> 00:09:02,039
Not too much.
Not really, no.
164
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,441
You look a little down,
steve.
165
00:09:04,442 --> 00:09:05,576
What's wrong?
166
00:09:05,577 --> 00:09:08,579
The choo-choo
through toyland
shut down?
167
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:11,015
Worse than that, al.
168
00:09:11,016 --> 00:09:12,416
It's bosco.
169
00:09:12,417 --> 00:09:14,151
You have some bosco?
170
00:09:14,152 --> 00:09:17,922
Well, let me spit
in a glass, and we'll
mix it up.
171
00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:20,591
No. I mean, bosco,
the rare caribbean
172
00:09:20,592 --> 00:09:22,593
Pygmy sea turtle
at the aquarium.
173
00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:27,265
He looked
really despondent today.
174
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:30,268
Was he selling shoes
to the other turtles?
175
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:33,604
No.
176
00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:35,572
They have him
in an itty-bitty tank.
177
00:09:35,573 --> 00:09:37,341
He must weigh
200 pounds.
178
00:09:37,342 --> 00:09:38,742
He's as out of place
in that tank
179
00:09:38,743 --> 00:09:40,477
As you would be
in a library.
180
00:09:41,846 --> 00:09:43,948
Like a trouper,
he kept his beak up.
181
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:45,549
But I could tell...
182
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:48,753
He was just a shell
of a turtle.
183
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,421
You should've
seen them, al.
184
00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:53,491
Both of their
little noses pressed up
against the glass.
185
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,027
You could barely
tell them apart.
186
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:59,263
No, the turtle
is the one
with the job.
187
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:03,801
Oh, that's right!
188
00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,369
I was supposed to
meet marcie
189
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:06,370
At my old
bank today.
190
00:10:06,371 --> 00:10:07,572
Ugh!
191
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:10,274
Oh, man. Mrs. Rhoades
is gonna gut you
192
00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:11,742
Like a fish.
193
00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:14,912
Hey, hey, hey.
I can handle
mrs. Rhoades.
194
00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:17,514
I'll just give her
what she's been
begging for all week:
195
00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:20,585
My famous
chocolate soufflé.
196
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:24,722
Yeah, it takes
a good two hours,
197
00:10:24,723 --> 00:10:27,024
But a man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
198
00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:30,761
A drug-crazed gunman
199
00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:32,730
Attempted to robthe leading bank of chicago
200
00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:34,032
This afternoon.
201
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,767
His attempt was foiledby a feisty local woman,
202
00:10:36,768 --> 00:10:38,102
Marcie rhoades,
203
00:10:38,103 --> 00:10:40,038
Whom he tried to seizeas a hostage.
204
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:43,307
But he pickedthe wrong woman,didn't he, mrs. Rhoades?
205
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,678
Is that gunshot wound
through your hand
bothering you?
206
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,081
Not really, waldo.
207
00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:54,485
What's bothering me is,
my husband is a screwup.
208
00:10:57,856 --> 00:11:01,726
You went to
the zoo again today,
didn't you, steve?
209
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:07,432
That soufflé better be
damn fluffy.
210
00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:15,506
Exactly how did
you apprehend
the criminal?
211
00:11:15,507 --> 00:11:19,710
Well...When the robber
jammed his gun in my stomach,
212
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:22,146
I did what I felt
I had to do.
213
00:11:22,147 --> 00:11:24,449
I threw up on the floor.
214
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:28,853
As he slipped on it,
he knocked himself out.
215
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,456
But the gun went off
and shot me through the hand,
216
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,458
Horribly wounding me.
217
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:36,961
But enough about me.
How was your day, steve?!
218
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:42,734
Well...Guess
I'll go home,
219
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:44,635
Get my stuff
and head for the y.
220
00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:47,204
Listen, if she comes over here,
you haven't seen me.
221
00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:49,673
Uh...Tell her I'm out
looking for a job.
222
00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:51,042
She'll buy it.
223
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,544
After all, she's probably
loaded full of painkillers.
224
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:55,179
Tee-hee.
Oh, hi!
225
00:11:56,714 --> 00:11:57,714
Hi, marcie.
226
00:11:57,715 --> 00:11:59,983
I was just out, uh,
looking for a job.
227
00:11:59,984 --> 00:12:02,119
So, what's up?
228
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,921
See this hand,
steve?
229
00:12:03,922 --> 00:12:04,922
Yeah.
230
00:12:04,923 --> 00:12:06,057
See this one?
231
00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:15,766
Gee,
this, kind of,
puts the kibosh
232
00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:17,268
On the sailboat
trip tomorrow,
233
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:18,669
Doesn't it?
234
00:12:27,178 --> 00:12:29,679
Thanks for bringing
me here, al.
235
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:32,682
I'm sorry you had to
see me like that.
236
00:12:32,683 --> 00:12:37,288
I usually pride myself
on being a lady at all times.
237
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,856
Hey, lard butt!
238
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:43,027
A couple of brewskis
over here.
239
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:46,096
Hey, guys!
A toast.
240
00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,464
To the working man.
241
00:12:47,465 --> 00:12:49,366
The last american
hero.
242
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,601
Right, guys?
243
00:12:50,602 --> 00:12:51,602
All:
Right.
244
00:12:51,603 --> 00:12:53,270
We work to make
a living,
245
00:12:53,271 --> 00:12:54,304
And what
do we get?
246
00:12:54,305 --> 00:12:56,974
All:
Squat.
247
00:12:56,975 --> 00:12:58,509
And what else?
248
00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,110
All:
Nothing.
249
00:13:00,111 --> 00:13:01,512
Why do we
go on?
250
00:13:01,513 --> 00:13:04,081
All:
We're stupid.
251
00:13:04,082 --> 00:13:06,884
A toast to the stupid
working man.
252
00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:08,786
All:
To us.
253
00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:13,157
Do you know what really
frosts my weenie?
254
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,695
After you marry them,
255
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,697
They don't care
how they look.
256
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:22,466
Don't even shave,
right, guys?
257
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,235
Right.
Yeah,
sure.
258
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:26,903
Well, I can't complain.
259
00:13:26,904 --> 00:13:30,140
At least, I live with one
who has a job, makes me dinner
260
00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:33,077
And doesn't mind rubbing my feet
after a hard day.
261
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:35,847
Yeah, but your mom's
getting kind of old.
262
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,717
Besides, moms aren't
really women.
263
00:13:40,718 --> 00:13:42,719
I'm talking about
the things you marry.
264
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,088
I mean,
when you come--
265
00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:48,225
I mean, when you come
crawling home after
a hard day,
266
00:13:48,226 --> 00:13:49,426
What do they want?
267
00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:50,828
All:
Loving.
268
00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:53,030
They don't understand
it's just more work
for us.
269
00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:56,300
I mean...The last thing
a guy wants to look at
270
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:57,935
At the end of a day
is a woman.
271
00:13:57,936 --> 00:14:00,037
Hey, look at
that one.
272
00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:02,006
All:
Ooh!
273
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,307
Hey, al,
274
00:14:03,308 --> 00:14:05,509
You know what else
ticks me off?
275
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,444
It's the way
they change.
276
00:14:07,445 --> 00:14:09,246
I mean, when
I first married steve,
277
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:12,483
He was a greedy,
materialistic pig.
278
00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:15,886
He'd step on
an old lady
for a dollar.
279
00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:18,255
[laughs]
god, how he excited me.
280
00:14:19,557 --> 00:14:21,558
Now, he's just
another man,
281
00:14:21,559 --> 00:14:24,795
With sea horses
on his boxer shorts.
282
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:28,165
Oh, al...What if steve
never works again?
283
00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:31,001
Lock yourself
in the bathroom
284
00:14:31,002 --> 00:14:32,235
And don't have kids.
285
00:14:33,438 --> 00:14:35,740
Hey, guys.
Kids!
286
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:38,075
All:
Boo.
287
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,177
Case in point:
288
00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:42,679
See that old man
in the corner there?
289
00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:50,054
Neil cockran.
Eight kids.
290
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,122
He's 30 years old.
291
00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:59,196
Steve and I talked
about having children.
292
00:14:59,197 --> 00:15:01,698
God, can you imagine
that life?
293
00:15:01,699 --> 00:15:03,700
You, the only
working parent,
294
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:05,803
A couple of kids
chained to your wallet.
295
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:07,037
Ugh!
296
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,740
I'd rather have a knife
plunged in my throat.
297
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,614
Sorry.
298
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:19,783
Oh. I guess what's really
bothering me here
299
00:15:19,784 --> 00:15:22,186
About steve is that,
not only are we not talking,
300
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:25,056
But this is the first time
in our relationship
301
00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,857
I've kept secrets
from him.
302
00:15:26,858 --> 00:15:29,126
I mean, I'm keeping
something from him
right now,
303
00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:32,229
Even though I know
it's wrong.
304
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:35,566
Oh, al. Maybe you can
help me handle this.
305
00:15:41,306 --> 00:15:43,307
Wait a minute here,
marce.
306
00:15:43,308 --> 00:15:47,078
I know you look at me
and just see hunk, but--
307
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,550
You're not the first
who tried to bag the big one.
308
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:53,917
But, uh...
309
00:15:57,255 --> 00:15:59,623
It can never be.
I belong to another.
310
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:03,027
And, more importantly,
I find you physically
repulsive.
311
00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:09,700
I don't want you,
you shaved ape.
312
00:16:11,102 --> 00:16:13,838
Hey, no need to
get personal,
chicken legs.
313
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:17,541
Anyhow...
314
00:16:17,542 --> 00:16:19,977
You remember when I...
315
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,312
Sort of caught
that bank robber?
316
00:16:22,313 --> 00:16:25,115
Well, what I didn't
tell steve is that they...
317
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:27,852
Sort of gave me
a little reward.
318
00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:29,553
How much?
319
00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:32,189
Twenty five thousand
dollars.
320
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:37,561
Hey, barkeep.
321
00:16:37,562 --> 00:16:41,565
A whiskey for the lady
and a deck of cards for me.
322
00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:47,371
Boy, it's really scary
being unconscious.
323
00:16:47,372 --> 00:16:49,673
The things you imagine.
324
00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:54,278
I thought two little
leprechauns and
a redheaded giant
325
00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:55,780
Were going through
my pockets.
326
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:08,058
Then a woman
with a mustache gave me
a big french kiss.
327
00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:10,360
That was buck.
328
00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:12,563
He thought your tongue
was his chew rag.
329
00:17:18,870 --> 00:17:22,940
Well...I can't go
through life getting
knocked out.
330
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,075
I guess there's no way
around it.
331
00:17:25,076 --> 00:17:26,777
Marcie wants me
to get a job,
332
00:17:26,778 --> 00:17:28,512
I guess I have to
get a job.
333
00:17:28,513 --> 00:17:30,815
Oh, forget about
marcie for a minute.
334
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,316
What do you want to do?
335
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,518
I want to be
a cowboy.
336
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:39,856
Well...Let's just say
that all the cowboy jobs
337
00:17:39,857 --> 00:17:41,225
Were taken by men.
338
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,359
[laughs]
339
00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:45,896
What's your second
choice?
340
00:17:46,998 --> 00:17:48,465
Well...
341
00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:51,534
I was hoping to do
something special,
342
00:17:51,535 --> 00:17:53,971
Something that's been
on my mind all day.
343
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:56,207
But I don't have
the nerve.
344
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:59,910
I know you look at me
and just see man candy.
345
00:18:04,849 --> 00:18:06,883
But it can never be.
346
00:18:06,884 --> 00:18:09,086
First, I belong
to another.
347
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,955
And, second,
ha, ha, ha...
348
00:18:13,658 --> 00:18:15,959
You couldn't
handle the ride.
349
00:18:27,505 --> 00:18:30,141
I can't even
handle the thought.
350
00:18:33,544 --> 00:18:36,347
Ah, forget it.
Who cares what I want?
351
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,315
Well, I care,
steve.
352
00:18:38,316 --> 00:18:42,085
Look, tomorrow
you gotta go out and
get some stinking job
353
00:18:42,086 --> 00:18:44,454
You'll be saddled with,
just to please marcie.
354
00:18:45,756 --> 00:18:47,624
You really
don't want me?
355
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,160
Oh, well.
356
00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:52,729
Anyway, before you do,
you owe it to yourself
357
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:54,664
To do something
that pleases you.
358
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,235
Peggy...You're right.
359
00:18:58,236 --> 00:18:59,703
And I'm gonna
do it.
360
00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:02,139
Wish me luck.
361
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,507
Good luck.
362
00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:06,777
[sighs]
363
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:08,311
He wants me.
364
00:19:14,518 --> 00:19:16,120
Last call.
365
00:19:25,363 --> 00:19:27,565
Come on, marcie.
It's a normal bar bet.
366
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:30,201
Twenty five thousand
dollars to the one
who can hit the bowl
367
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,869
From farthest away.
368
00:19:32,870 --> 00:19:34,972
Shall we?
369
00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,640
I got 5 bucks
on the broad.
370
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:41,611
I don't know.
371
00:19:41,612 --> 00:19:45,349
Maybe the smell
of this check will
wake steve up again.
372
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,285
Maybe it will remind him
of the good old days,
373
00:19:48,286 --> 00:19:50,321
When we used to drive
to the poor side of town,
374
00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,156
And pull up
next to some old guy,
375
00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:54,158
And ask him
for change of 1000.
376
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:56,126
[laughs]
377
00:19:56,127 --> 00:19:59,663
Oh, the times we had.
378
00:19:59,664 --> 00:20:01,432
I don't know.
379
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,734
Maybe I've been
too hard on him.
380
00:20:04,735 --> 00:20:07,905
I'm gonna tell steve
about the money.
381
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,606
Hey,
look at this.
382
00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:11,642
And to close,
383
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:16,146
We have a storyabout a true moron.
384
00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,549
Tonight,an unemployed househusband
385
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,551
And self-describedman of nature,
386
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,253
Thinking that the lastcaribbean pygmy turtle
387
00:20:23,254 --> 00:20:25,121
Born in captivitywas unhappy,
388
00:20:25,122 --> 00:20:28,091
Broke into the zoo aquarium,stole the turtle
389
00:20:28,092 --> 00:20:30,427
And released itinto lake michigan.
390
00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:41,505
Apparently,this man of nature
391
00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:44,842
Didn't know it wasa saltwater turtle.
392
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,945
Witnesses reportbosco tried valiantly
393
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,646
To crawl backout of the water,
394
00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:54,384
Only to be thrown back inby this deranged,unemployed man,
395
00:20:54,385 --> 00:20:58,221
Standing on the bank,singing "born free."
396
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:01,925
Bosco will be missed.
397
00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:13,770
Bail has been setat $25,000.
398
00:21:13,771 --> 00:21:16,206
Not nearly enoughin this reporter's opinion.
399
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,743
Ahh, well.
400
00:21:20,744 --> 00:21:23,680
I guess I know
what I have to do.
401
00:21:23,681 --> 00:21:25,415
You gonna go
bail him out?
402
00:21:25,416 --> 00:21:27,717
Let him rot.
403
00:21:27,718 --> 00:21:30,687
I'm gonna buy myself
a new jag.
404
00:21:37,661 --> 00:21:41,098
Hey, bundy.
You ready to
settle up your tab?
405
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:42,099
Yep, I'm ready.
406
00:21:48,539 --> 00:21:51,075
♪ born free ♪
407
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:53,077
♪ free as the grass grows ♪
408
00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:57,247
♪ free as the wind blows ♪
409
00:22:04,355 --> 00:22:06,522
[♪]
29160
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