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1
00:00:02,935 --> 00:00:06,170
[♪]
2
00:01:13,806 --> 00:01:17,208
Announcer [over tv]:
We'll be back in a momentwith dr. Sandy,
3
00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:22,113
Channel 67's leading authorityon sex and weather.
4
00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:24,849
Mom, how are we
gonna get money?
5
00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:27,786
Dad took his wallet
in the shower with him.
6
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:28,987
Yeah, and as we all know,
7
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,889
When we rifled
his pants last night,
8
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,290
We found a note in his pocket.
9
00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:33,424
It said,
10
00:01:33,425 --> 00:01:37,295
"it's in my underwear.
I dare you."
11
00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:38,529
Dad's playing hardball.
12
00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:39,931
What're we
gonna do, mom?
13
00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,800
Ah, don't worry about it.
14
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,835
That's not his real wallet.
15
00:01:43,836 --> 00:01:47,172
This is.
16
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,639
But won't dad know?
17
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,809
No, I bought a duplicate wallet,
18
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,845
And I filled it
with xeroxed money.
19
00:01:53,846 --> 00:01:55,146
The way I figure it,
20
00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:56,347
If your dad's got the gall
21
00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:57,749
To go out
and buy himself something
22
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:58,817
Without telling the family,
23
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:01,186
He deserves to go to jail.
24
00:02:03,655 --> 00:02:04,823
Announcer:
And now we're back
25
00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:08,693
With dr. Sandyand viewer mail.
26
00:02:08,694 --> 00:02:10,595
Sandy: Our first letteris from "desperate,"
27
00:02:10,596 --> 00:02:13,631
A.K.A. Peggy pundy.
28
00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:16,201
She writes,"lately my husband,
29
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,568
"we'll call him sal,
30
00:02:17,569 --> 00:02:19,204
"shows no interest in sex,
31
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,439
At least not with me."
32
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,041
Well, my dear,
33
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:25,643
Perhaps a change of venuewould spice up your sex life.
34
00:02:25,644 --> 00:02:30,615
Have you tried doing itin the living room?
35
00:02:30,616 --> 00:02:32,483
Or the kitchen.
36
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,488
And there's alwaysthe bathroom.
37
00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:39,357
[toilet flushes]
38
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:43,962
Try it, mrs. Pundy.
39
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:44,963
You'll like it.
40
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:45,964
I did.
41
00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,198
[clicks off tv]
42
00:02:47,199 --> 00:02:50,701
Well, peg, I'm showered
and ready to go to work
43
00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:54,205
And edge ever closer
to the grave.
44
00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,406
Wish me luck.
45
00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:58,943
Al, take me.
46
00:03:00,445 --> 00:03:04,415
I want to have sex
on the kitchen table.
47
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:13,224
I want to have a meal
on the kitchen table.
48
00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:14,592
Learn to live without.
49
00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:16,060
I did.
50
00:03:16,061 --> 00:03:17,262
Goodbye.
51
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:18,863
Al, I'm serious.
52
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,331
I want sex.
53
00:03:20,332 --> 00:03:22,100
Peg, how long
have we been married?
54
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:25,103
Forty, 50 years?
55
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,771
Do we not have two children?
56
00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:28,039
Well, yeah.
57
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,640
Then my job is done.
58
00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:33,945
[doorbell rings]
59
00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:35,280
Good morning, al.
60
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,647
Try selling shoes.
61
00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:41,085
Marcie, let me
ask you something.
62
00:03:42,487 --> 00:03:45,389
Have you and steve
ever, uh, done it
63
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:46,390
In other places?
64
00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:49,227
You mean like planes, buses,
65
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:51,930
The observation deck
of the john hancock building?
66
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,198
Ahhh...
67
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:54,165
Sit down.
68
00:03:56,668 --> 00:03:57,802
Marcie,
69
00:03:57,803 --> 00:03:58,870
I am trying to put
70
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,638
Some excitement
and spontaneity
71
00:04:00,639 --> 00:04:02,240
Back into our sex life.
72
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:03,507
Actually,
73
00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:05,944
I'm trying to put al
back into our sex life.
74
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,980
Well, let's start
with seduction.
75
00:04:08,981 --> 00:04:10,281
What's your technique?
76
00:04:10,282 --> 00:04:11,850
Well, what works best
77
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:14,118
Is when I leave a trail
of chocolate bars
78
00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,554
From the bathroom to the bed.
79
00:04:16,555 --> 00:04:19,790
Of course, the trick is
to space them out just right
80
00:04:19,791 --> 00:04:21,525
So that he doesn't eat too much,
81
00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:24,028
Or he'll doze off
before he gets to me.
82
00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:25,897
Perfectly normal,
83
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:28,066
Perfectly normal.
84
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:31,669
But remember, peggy,
men are like little boys.
85
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:34,272
You have to make sex naughty,
86
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:35,840
Filthy and degrading,
87
00:04:35,841 --> 00:04:38,542
The way they like it,
88
00:04:38,543 --> 00:04:40,578
And the way we need it.
89
00:04:40,579 --> 00:04:44,482
So whenever I want to put
a little more...
90
00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:47,185
Beef in steve's jerky...
91
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,555
I take him to this nice,
little romantic motel
92
00:04:51,556 --> 00:04:52,924
Out near the airport.
93
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,093
It's called the hop-on inn.
94
00:04:57,229 --> 00:04:59,163
Isn't it
beautiful?
95
00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,703
I think I know
what's going on here.
96
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:09,807
The chocolates in the car,
the oil on my zipper.
97
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:13,544
You want sex, don't you?
98
00:05:13,545 --> 00:05:16,948
No, I want
a fur coat,
99
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:20,351
But I'll take what's
behind zipper number one.
100
00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:21,953
Peg, if you scare him
like this,
101
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,222
He'll never come out.
102
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,857
Look, al,
I want sex.
103
00:05:26,858 --> 00:05:30,128
Do you want to be
conscious or not?
104
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:32,763
Oh, come on, honey.
105
00:05:32,764 --> 00:05:34,632
We could start
with a jacuzzi.
106
00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:37,268
Aw, peg,
I hate jacuzzis.
107
00:05:37,269 --> 00:05:38,869
They shoot air up my butt.
108
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:46,010
Well, that's
a nice change of pace.
109
00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:50,181
Oh, look.
110
00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:54,285
They left us a movie,
a mood enhancer.
111
00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:55,920
"filth."
112
00:05:55,921 --> 00:05:58,156
Sounds pretty romantic.
113
00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,591
Well, I'm just gonna change.
114
00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:03,861
Okay, al.
115
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:06,965
Pop in the movie,
pop in a breath mint,
116
00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:10,501
And let's coax the mummy
out of his crypt.
117
00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:14,605
I don't want to have sex.
118
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:18,409
You're my wife, for god's sake.
119
00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:20,478
Hasn't having the kids
taught you anything?
120
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:22,813
Nothing good comes of it.
121
00:06:22,814 --> 00:06:26,784
Now, sit down
and watch this movie.
122
00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:32,457
Now, isn't this fun?
123
00:06:35,627 --> 00:06:37,595
Whoa.
124
00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:40,131
I didn't know a human leg
could do that.
125
00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:45,769
Oh, I want that.
126
00:06:45,770 --> 00:06:47,671
Oh, and I want that!
127
00:06:47,672 --> 00:06:50,541
And I definitely want that!
128
00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:59,183
Ew! Ooh!
129
00:07:00,452 --> 00:07:04,088
You know, that guy looks
a little like...
130
00:07:06,158 --> 00:07:08,026
Both:
Steve and marcie!
131
00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:12,630
That is
steve and marcie.
132
00:07:12,631 --> 00:07:13,631
Wow!
133
00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:15,733
Look at her go.
134
00:07:17,469 --> 00:07:18,569
Ah, peg,
135
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,171
What kind of perv-o
would get turned on
136
00:07:20,172 --> 00:07:21,239
Watching themselves?
137
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,940
Oh, shut up, al.
138
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:32,083
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
139
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:34,452
[groans]
oh, noooo...
140
00:07:45,931 --> 00:07:48,999
I can't believe
they taped us.
141
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,770
And on
"back to school" night.
142
00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:55,106
Steve,
I feel so violated.
143
00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:57,308
Gee, if we'd known you didn't
know you were being taped,
144
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:58,909
We never would have
brought you over here
145
00:07:58,910 --> 00:07:59,910
And sprung this on you.
146
00:07:59,911 --> 00:08:01,112
I feel terrible.
147
00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:02,480
[both laugh]
148
00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:06,750
Yeah, laugh,
clowns, laugh,
149
00:08:06,751 --> 00:08:08,886
But here's a hot flash
for you.
150
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:12,290
If they taped us,
they taped you too.
151
00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:19,897
Peg, I told you
152
00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:21,765
We should
never have sex.
153
00:08:23,635 --> 00:08:26,070
Now everybody's
gonna know.
154
00:08:26,071 --> 00:08:28,573
I just know my hair was a mess,
155
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:31,142
And I had on my old nightgown.
156
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,244
I never look good in pictures.
157
00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:34,878
I know this is off the subject.
158
00:08:34,879 --> 00:08:36,180
Don't you realize
159
00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:37,982
That all of our rights
have been tremendously violated?
160
00:08:37,983 --> 00:08:40,851
We were caught in the act of--
161
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:42,453
And then the ducky said
to the frog,
162
00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:44,021
"then why is it on the menu?"
163
00:08:44,022 --> 00:08:45,656
[all chuckle]
164
00:08:54,299 --> 00:08:56,367
No!
165
00:08:56,368 --> 00:08:57,968
Tv's for adults.
166
00:09:00,105 --> 00:09:02,273
Don't you kids
have something to do?
167
00:09:02,274 --> 00:09:03,608
Well, personally,
168
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,976
I'm just killing time
till I'm 18.
169
00:09:05,977 --> 00:09:08,179
I'm helping her count.
170
00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:12,550
Mrs. Rhoades is blushing
like a schoolgirl.
171
00:09:14,419 --> 00:09:17,087
You told them.
172
00:09:17,088 --> 00:09:19,757
Everybody knows
I'm a porn queen!
173
00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,564
Kel,
174
00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,466
I believe
something deeply personal
175
00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:29,900
Is going on here.
176
00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:31,235
And it might be
more comfortable
177
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,236
For the adults
178
00:09:32,237 --> 00:09:34,338
If the children
left the room.
179
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:36,240
Therefore, I shall open
the bidding.
180
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,645
Five dollars.
181
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:41,646
I hear 10.
182
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,780
Any further bidding?
183
00:09:42,781 --> 00:09:43,914
Perhaps
from the little lady
184
00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:45,449
With the deep secret?
185
00:09:47,352 --> 00:09:48,786
Al, can't you
get rid of them?
186
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:51,422
Don't you think I've tried?
187
00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:54,492
All right,
you little gangsters.
188
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,594
How much
are we talking?
189
00:09:56,595 --> 00:10:00,531
Well, 50 bucks
hides a lot of shame.
190
00:10:00,532 --> 00:10:03,133
Trust her.
She should know.
191
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:07,938
Kids...
192
00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:09,907
Aren't you
forgetting something?
193
00:10:09,908 --> 00:10:13,344
Both: Thank you,
mr. And mrs. Rhoades.
194
00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:19,016
Al, what are we gonna do?
195
00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:20,284
Well, I don't know about you,
196
00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:22,986
But when the kids go to sleep,
I'm looting.
197
00:10:22,987 --> 00:10:24,622
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
198
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:27,024
I'm gonna sue these vermin
for everything they've got.
199
00:10:27,025 --> 00:10:28,292
Oh, I don't know.
200
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:29,893
I've always been a fan
of physical violence.
201
00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:32,496
How about if I go down there
and break a back or two?
202
00:10:32,497 --> 00:10:33,631
That way, everybody's happy.
203
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:34,798
Quiet, dear.
204
00:10:34,799 --> 00:10:36,200
Steve has a thought
205
00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:40,304
On how sex with you
can finally be satisfying.
206
00:10:40,305 --> 00:10:43,040
So we can make
some money off of this?
207
00:10:43,041 --> 00:10:44,808
And see justice served.
208
00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:45,976
Right, marcie?
209
00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:47,645
When you go down there,
210
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,714
And you've broken
their spines
211
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:52,583
And snapped their arms
like little twigs,
212
00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:54,652
And they're truly,
truly helpless,
213
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:55,986
Then I'll come in.
214
00:10:55,987 --> 00:10:57,988
Yeah, I'll come in,
215
00:10:57,989 --> 00:11:02,593
With just a mere
old-fashioned can opener.
216
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:06,163
And I'll do
things to them...
217
00:11:06,164 --> 00:11:09,032
That'll make
the devil himself vomit.
218
00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:14,104
Uh...Or we could sue.
219
00:11:14,105 --> 00:11:15,839
How much do you
think we can get?
220
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,609
I think a million dollars
is not out of the question.
221
00:11:18,610 --> 00:11:20,745
A million dollars?
222
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:24,114
Al, we hardly do
anything together anymore.
223
00:11:24,115 --> 00:11:25,115
Let's sue.
224
00:11:25,116 --> 00:11:26,116
Well, peg,
225
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:27,117
I don't know.
226
00:11:27,118 --> 00:11:28,286
It'd be kind of embarrassing.
227
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,854
A million dollars, al.
228
00:11:30,855 --> 00:11:33,991
Do you know
what that means to you?
229
00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:37,428
Five thousand dollars.
230
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,477
I told you, peg,
we should've
231
00:11:53,478 --> 00:11:55,913
Just beat the hell
out of these people.
232
00:11:55,914 --> 00:11:57,682
It's a million dollars, al.
233
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:58,816
How else are we
234
00:11:58,817 --> 00:12:00,184
Gonna get
a million dollars?
235
00:12:00,185 --> 00:12:02,252
You earn it? Ha, ha!
236
00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:05,055
Now, just relax
and be outraged.
237
00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:11,962
How lovely.
238
00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:14,365
New meat.
239
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,900
Who's that?
240
00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:18,268
The attorney
for the defense.
241
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:22,072
Where's our lawyer?
242
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:25,175
You're
looking at him.
243
00:12:25,176 --> 00:12:27,277
It's me,
you idiot.
244
00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:29,947
I figure this is
an open-and-shut case.
245
00:12:29,948 --> 00:12:31,549
A lawyer
takes 30 percent.
246
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,183
That's 300 thou.
247
00:12:33,184 --> 00:12:34,952
That leaves us only
700 grand to split.
248
00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:37,287
After taxes,
we get squat.
249
00:12:37,288 --> 00:12:38,756
Now, trust me.
I know what I'm doing.
250
00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:43,661
Where's
everybody going?
251
00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:47,965
We're standing for the judge,
mr. Darrow.
252
00:12:47,966 --> 00:12:50,368
[gavel cracks]
253
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,370
This court is now in session.
254
00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:53,704
We will be hearing
255
00:12:53,705 --> 00:12:57,007
Rhoades and bundyv. The hop-on inn.
256
00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:59,410
We will now hear
opening statements.
257
00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:03,447
[clears throat]
258
00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:10,287
Hello, everyone.
259
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:13,591
Anyhow,
260
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,826
My wife and I
and peggy and al bundy
261
00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:18,228
Went to the hop-on inn
262
00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:20,163
To indulge
in a little clean marital fun...
263
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:24,769
On separate occasions,
of course.
264
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:29,707
During the course
of our wholesome bliss,
265
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,675
Our romantic activities,
266
00:13:31,676 --> 00:13:34,578
The reaffirmation
of the love we share,
267
00:13:34,579 --> 00:13:38,649
And whatever the bundys
were doing...
268
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:41,351
Our conjugal privacy
was invaded.
269
00:13:41,352 --> 00:13:44,622
Yes, we were violated
by video cameras.
270
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:47,090
But first,
271
00:13:47,091 --> 00:13:48,926
I think you should hear
some background
272
00:13:48,927 --> 00:13:54,598
That I believe is germane
to this case.
273
00:13:54,599 --> 00:13:57,501
My grandfather came
to this country a poor man...
274
00:13:57,502 --> 00:13:59,537
And in world war ii,
275
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:00,905
My uncle nick
276
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:03,240
Wiped out more nazi dogs
with venereal disease
277
00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:05,208
Than six armor divisions...
278
00:14:05,209 --> 00:14:07,545
[♪]
279
00:14:51,422 --> 00:14:54,291
Then they tape us having sex.
280
00:14:56,294 --> 00:14:58,161
And that concludes
my opening statement.
281
00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:03,333
Uh, your honor?
282
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:07,170
Thank you.
283
00:15:07,171 --> 00:15:09,139
You're welcome.
284
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,340
Ms. Weigel,
285
00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:11,942
Would you care to make
an opening statement?
286
00:15:11,943 --> 00:15:14,311
The defense passes
for the moment, your honor.
287
00:15:14,312 --> 00:15:16,380
Good move, girlie.
288
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:19,249
Judge:
Mr. Rhoades,
289
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,584
You may call your first witness.
290
00:15:20,585 --> 00:15:22,720
Your honor,
291
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,655
My only witnesses are...
292
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:25,990
Exhibits a and b.
293
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:28,191
Steve,
you have the tapes?
294
00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:29,627
You're not gonna show those.
295
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:31,595
A million dollars, marcie.
296
00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:33,998
Doesn't my honor
mean more to you
297
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,298
Than a million dollars?
298
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:42,272
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury, exhibit a.
299
00:16:03,995 --> 00:16:06,797
And...The end.
300
00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:08,599
[applause]
301
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,935
Oh, thank you.
302
00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,971
Honestly, it was nothing.
303
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,272
No, really.
304
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:24,848
And, now...Exhibit b.
305
00:16:24,849 --> 00:16:28,953
The subpoenaed tape
of mr. And mrs. Bundy...
306
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:38,228
And the end.
307
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,835
And so,
308
00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:46,704
In conclusion,
309
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:47,938
I'm sure it's obvious
310
00:16:47,939 --> 00:16:50,340
That our privacy
was indeed invaded,
311
00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:53,978
And so we deserve
a million dollars.
312
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,482
I rest my case.
313
00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,050
Ms. Weigel.
314
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:03,520
I'd like to call
my first witness to the stand,
315
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,089
A mrs. Marcie rhoades.
316
00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:11,228
Mrs. Rhoades...
317
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,431
Had you ever been
to the hop-on inn
318
00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:15,766
Before the evening in question?
319
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:18,002
[quietly]
yes, once or twice.
320
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,536
We can't hear you.
321
00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:22,873
I said, once or twice.
322
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:26,076
Need I subpoena
the desk clerk, guido?
323
00:17:26,077 --> 00:17:28,846
Thirty or 40 times.
324
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:31,314
Thirty or 40 times.
325
00:17:31,315 --> 00:17:34,852
Well, I suppose that's normal.
326
00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:37,688
Mrs. Rhoades,
are you wearing underwear?
327
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:40,590
Two pairs.
328
00:17:40,591 --> 00:17:42,826
And are they both crotchless?
329
00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:45,829
Yes, damn you.
330
00:17:48,566 --> 00:17:49,767
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
331
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,368
I ask you, does this woman,
332
00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:52,970
The same woman you witnessed
on that tape,
333
00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:54,571
Look like a woman
who has been wronged
334
00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:56,807
By anyone but her husband?
335
00:17:56,808 --> 00:17:58,008
I object.
336
00:17:58,009 --> 00:17:59,977
Sure, when she picks on you.
337
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,046
Where were you during
the underwear examination?
338
00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:04,281
Mrs. Rhoades,
339
00:18:04,282 --> 00:18:05,549
You were not one bit deceived.
340
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,584
You knew that camera was there
all along.
341
00:18:07,585 --> 00:18:09,586
What kind of a woman
do you think I am?
342
00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:12,756
Let's just see, shall we?
343
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:15,225
Look familiar?
344
00:18:15,226 --> 00:18:17,895
[gasps] no!
345
00:18:17,896 --> 00:18:20,397
Thank you,
mrs. Rhoades.
346
00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:22,800
Get out of my sight,
you make me sick.
347
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,870
I'd now like to call
to the stand
348
00:18:26,871 --> 00:18:28,438
Mr. Al bundy.
349
00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:33,243
You did put on
clean underwear today,
350
00:18:33,244 --> 00:18:34,778
Didn't you, al?
351
00:18:50,328 --> 00:18:52,796
Mr. Bundy, on what grounds
are you suing?
352
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:55,265
Um...
353
00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:56,934
Well, my wife's sick of poverty,
354
00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:59,103
And, uh...
355
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,272
She told me
she'd give me $5000.
356
00:19:02,273 --> 00:19:03,406
That's it?
357
00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:07,377
Then there's that outrage thing.
358
00:19:07,378 --> 00:19:08,779
Mr. Bundy,
359
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,148
Let's once again view
that arousing performance
360
00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:13,784
You claim that my client
is capitalizing on.
361
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:22,226
All right,
I'm feeling relaxed here,
362
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:25,963
And I'm breathing good.
363
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:28,132
There's the foreplay.
364
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,567
And, uh...
365
00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:34,071
Once again, I finish first.
366
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,776
I'd now like to call mrs. Bundy.
367
00:19:44,916 --> 00:19:45,916
Mrs. Bundy,
368
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,317
Did you have sex
with your husband
369
00:19:47,318 --> 00:19:49,119
At the hop-on inn?
370
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,587
Yes.
371
00:19:50,588 --> 00:19:52,055
Mrs. Bundy,
may I remind you
372
00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:53,857
That the penalty
for perjury
373
00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:55,159
Is seven years in prison,
374
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:59,163
Where, I assure you,
you will have sex.
375
00:20:01,632 --> 00:20:03,300
All right.
376
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:07,004
Well, it may not be sex to you,
but it is to me,
377
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,839
And just because
you all have husbands
378
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,041
That can last long enough
to time an egg,
379
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:14,411
Doesn't mean that what al does
doesn't count.
380
00:20:14,412 --> 00:20:16,313
You may step down.
381
00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:19,416
Is a crumb not a banquet
for a starving person?
382
00:20:19,417 --> 00:20:21,185
You may step down.
383
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:23,620
Is a fig leaf
not clothing for the naked?
384
00:20:23,621 --> 00:20:25,555
Please, step down.
385
00:20:25,556 --> 00:20:27,791
You can't do this
to al!
386
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:29,126
Remove this woman.
387
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:30,327
He'll lose what
little confidence
388
00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:32,262
He already has.
389
00:20:32,263 --> 00:20:33,730
You were great, baby.
390
00:20:33,731 --> 00:20:36,200
Please, oh, please,
don't listen to her.
391
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:37,067
Don't give up.
392
00:20:38,636 --> 00:20:40,270
You are much man!
393
00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:42,505
[wails]
oh, god!
394
00:20:47,979 --> 00:20:49,346
[gavel cracks]
395
00:20:49,347 --> 00:20:50,948
Has the jury reached a verdict?
396
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:53,783
Yes, we have, your honor.
397
00:20:53,784 --> 00:20:57,787
We, the jury, award
punitive damages of $10,000
398
00:20:57,788 --> 00:20:59,689
To mr. And mrs. Rhoades
399
00:20:59,690 --> 00:21:01,558
On the grounds
that their privacy
400
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:02,993
Was indeed invaded.
401
00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:05,062
Not bad, huh, babe?
402
00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,931
Curdle and die.
403
00:21:07,932 --> 00:21:11,134
And as for the bundys,
404
00:21:11,135 --> 00:21:12,569
No sex, no money.
405
00:21:15,006 --> 00:21:17,674
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen
of the jury.
406
00:21:17,675 --> 00:21:20,310
This court is now adjourned.
407
00:21:26,150 --> 00:21:27,717
Well, al,
408
00:21:27,718 --> 00:21:30,954
At least we still
have each other.
409
00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:32,489
[sobbing]
410
00:21:37,896 --> 00:21:39,997
Peg, come with me.
411
00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:40,998
Where are we going?
412
00:21:40,999 --> 00:21:41,999
Come here a minute.
413
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,066
Over here.
414
00:21:43,067 --> 00:21:44,067
What, al?
415
00:21:44,068 --> 00:21:45,502
Hurry up. Come on.
416
00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:49,172
Get down in there.
417
00:21:53,611 --> 00:21:55,678
Like this, al?
418
00:21:55,679 --> 00:21:57,547
Yeah, like that.
419
00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:13,196
Al:
Now, was that sex,
or was that sex?
420
00:22:13,197 --> 00:22:15,432
[peggy slowly exhales
smoke]
421
00:22:18,236 --> 00:22:20,603
That was sex, al.
422
00:22:20,604 --> 00:22:23,873
And you know,
if we had been on tape,
423
00:22:23,874 --> 00:22:25,943
We would have made
a million bucks.
424
00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:28,145
[both laugh]
425
00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:45,128
[♪]
28313
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