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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,935 --> 00:00:06,170 [♪] 2 00:01:13,806 --> 00:01:17,208 Announcer [over tv]: We'll be back in a moment with dr. Sandy, 3 00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:22,113 Channel 67's leading authority on sex and weather. 4 00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:24,849 Mom, how are we gonna get money? 5 00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:27,786 Dad took his wallet in the shower with him. 6 00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:28,987 Yeah, and as we all know, 7 00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,889 When we rifled his pants last night, 8 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,290 We found a note in his pocket. 9 00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:33,424 It said, 10 00:01:33,425 --> 00:01:37,295 "it's in my underwear. I dare you." 11 00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:38,529 Dad's playing hardball. 12 00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:39,931 What're we gonna do, mom? 13 00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,800 Ah, don't worry about it. 14 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,835 That's not his real wallet. 15 00:01:43,836 --> 00:01:47,172 This is. 16 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,639 But won't dad know? 17 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,809 No, I bought a duplicate wallet, 18 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,845 And I filled it with xeroxed money. 19 00:01:53,846 --> 00:01:55,146 The way I figure it, 20 00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:56,347 If your dad's got the gall 21 00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:57,749 To go out and buy himself something 22 00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:58,817 Without telling the family, 23 00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:01,186 He deserves to go to jail. 24 00:02:03,655 --> 00:02:04,823 Announcer: And now we're back 25 00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:08,693 With dr. Sandy and viewer mail. 26 00:02:08,694 --> 00:02:10,595 Sandy: Our first letter is from "desperate," 27 00:02:10,596 --> 00:02:13,631 A.K.A. Peggy pundy. 28 00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:16,201 She writes, "lately my husband, 29 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,568 "we'll call him sal, 30 00:02:17,569 --> 00:02:19,204 "shows no interest in sex, 31 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,439 At least not with me." 32 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,041 Well, my dear, 33 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:25,643 Perhaps a change of venue would spice up your sex life. 34 00:02:25,644 --> 00:02:30,615 Have you tried doing it in the living room? 35 00:02:30,616 --> 00:02:32,483 Or the kitchen. 36 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,488 And there's always the bathroom. 37 00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:39,357 [toilet flushes] 38 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:43,962 Try it, mrs. Pundy. 39 00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:44,963 You'll like it. 40 00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:45,964 I did. 41 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,198 [clicks off tv] 42 00:02:47,199 --> 00:02:50,701 Well, peg, I'm showered and ready to go to work 43 00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:54,205 And edge ever closer to the grave. 44 00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,406 Wish me luck. 45 00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:58,943 Al, take me. 46 00:03:00,445 --> 00:03:04,415 I want to have sex on the kitchen table. 47 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:13,224 I want to have a meal on the kitchen table. 48 00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:14,592 Learn to live without. 49 00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:16,060 I did. 50 00:03:16,061 --> 00:03:17,262 Goodbye. 51 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:18,863 Al, I'm serious. 52 00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,331 I want sex. 53 00:03:20,332 --> 00:03:22,100 Peg, how long have we been married? 54 00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:25,103 Forty, 50 years? 55 00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,771 Do we not have two children? 56 00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:28,039 Well, yeah. 57 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,640 Then my job is done. 58 00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:33,945 [doorbell rings] 59 00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:35,280 Good morning, al. 60 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,647 Try selling shoes. 61 00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:41,085 Marcie, let me ask you something. 62 00:03:42,487 --> 00:03:45,389 Have you and steve ever, uh, done it 63 00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:46,390 In other places? 64 00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:49,227 You mean like planes, buses, 65 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:51,930 The observation deck of the john hancock building? 66 00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,198 Ahhh... 67 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:54,165 Sit down. 68 00:03:56,668 --> 00:03:57,802 Marcie, 69 00:03:57,803 --> 00:03:58,870 I am trying to put 70 00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,638 Some excitement and spontaneity 71 00:04:00,639 --> 00:04:02,240 Back into our sex life. 72 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:03,507 Actually, 73 00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:05,944 I'm trying to put al back into our sex life. 74 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,980 Well, let's start with seduction. 75 00:04:08,981 --> 00:04:10,281 What's your technique? 76 00:04:10,282 --> 00:04:11,850 Well, what works best 77 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:14,118 Is when I leave a trail of chocolate bars 78 00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,554 From the bathroom to the bed. 79 00:04:16,555 --> 00:04:19,790 Of course, the trick is to space them out just right 80 00:04:19,791 --> 00:04:21,525 So that he doesn't eat too much, 81 00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:24,028 Or he'll doze off before he gets to me. 82 00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:25,897 Perfectly normal, 83 00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:28,066 Perfectly normal. 84 00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:31,669 But remember, peggy, men are like little boys. 85 00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:34,272 You have to make sex naughty, 86 00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:35,840 Filthy and degrading, 87 00:04:35,841 --> 00:04:38,542 The way they like it, 88 00:04:38,543 --> 00:04:40,578 And the way we need it. 89 00:04:40,579 --> 00:04:44,482 So whenever I want to put a little more... 90 00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:47,185 Beef in steve's jerky... 91 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,555 I take him to this nice, little romantic motel 92 00:04:51,556 --> 00:04:52,924 Out near the airport. 93 00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,093 It's called the hop-on inn. 94 00:04:57,229 --> 00:04:59,163 Isn't it beautiful? 95 00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,703 I think I know what's going on here. 96 00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:09,807 The chocolates in the car, the oil on my zipper. 97 00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:13,544 You want sex, don't you? 98 00:05:13,545 --> 00:05:16,948 No, I want a fur coat, 99 00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:20,351 But I'll take what's behind zipper number one. 100 00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:21,953 Peg, if you scare him like this, 101 00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,222 He'll never come out. 102 00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,857 Look, al, I want sex. 103 00:05:26,858 --> 00:05:30,128 Do you want to be conscious or not? 104 00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:32,763 Oh, come on, honey. 105 00:05:32,764 --> 00:05:34,632 We could start with a jacuzzi. 106 00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:37,268 Aw, peg, I hate jacuzzis. 107 00:05:37,269 --> 00:05:38,869 They shoot air up my butt. 108 00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:46,010 Well, that's a nice change of pace. 109 00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:50,181 Oh, look. 110 00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:54,285 They left us a movie, a mood enhancer. 111 00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:55,920 "filth." 112 00:05:55,921 --> 00:05:58,156 Sounds pretty romantic. 113 00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,591 Well, I'm just gonna change. 114 00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:03,861 Okay, al. 115 00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:06,965 Pop in the movie, pop in a breath mint, 116 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:10,501 And let's coax the mummy out of his crypt. 117 00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:14,605 I don't want to have sex. 118 00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:18,409 You're my wife, for god's sake. 119 00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:20,478 Hasn't having the kids taught you anything? 120 00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:22,813 Nothing good comes of it. 121 00:06:22,814 --> 00:06:26,784 Now, sit down and watch this movie. 122 00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:32,457 Now, isn't this fun? 123 00:06:35,627 --> 00:06:37,595 Whoa. 124 00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:40,131 I didn't know a human leg could do that. 125 00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:45,769 Oh, I want that. 126 00:06:45,770 --> 00:06:47,671 Oh, and I want that! 127 00:06:47,672 --> 00:06:50,541 And I definitely want that! 128 00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:59,183 Ew! Ooh! 129 00:07:00,452 --> 00:07:04,088 You know, that guy looks a little like... 130 00:07:06,158 --> 00:07:08,026 Both: Steve and marcie! 131 00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:12,630 That is steve and marcie. 132 00:07:12,631 --> 00:07:13,631 Wow! 133 00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:15,733 Look at her go. 134 00:07:17,469 --> 00:07:18,569 Ah, peg, 135 00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,171 What kind of perv-o would get turned on 136 00:07:20,172 --> 00:07:21,239 Watching themselves? 137 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,940 Oh, shut up, al. 138 00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:32,083 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 139 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:34,452 [groans] oh, noooo... 140 00:07:45,931 --> 00:07:48,999 I can't believe they taped us. 141 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,770 And on "back to school" night. 142 00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:55,106 Steve, I feel so violated. 143 00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:57,308 Gee, if we'd known you didn't know you were being taped, 144 00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:58,909 We never would have brought you over here 145 00:07:58,910 --> 00:07:59,910 And sprung this on you. 146 00:07:59,911 --> 00:08:01,112 I feel terrible. 147 00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:02,480 [both laugh] 148 00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:06,750 Yeah, laugh, clowns, laugh, 149 00:08:06,751 --> 00:08:08,886 But here's a hot flash for you. 150 00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:12,290 If they taped us, they taped you too. 151 00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:19,897 Peg, I told you 152 00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:21,765 We should never have sex. 153 00:08:23,635 --> 00:08:26,070 Now everybody's gonna know. 154 00:08:26,071 --> 00:08:28,573 I just know my hair was a mess, 155 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:31,142 And I had on my old nightgown. 156 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,244 I never look good in pictures. 157 00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:34,878 I know this is off the subject. 158 00:08:34,879 --> 00:08:36,180 Don't you realize 159 00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:37,982 That all of our rights have been tremendously violated? 160 00:08:37,983 --> 00:08:40,851 We were caught in the act of-- 161 00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:42,453 And then the ducky said to the frog, 162 00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:44,021 "then why is it on the menu?" 163 00:08:44,022 --> 00:08:45,656 [all chuckle] 164 00:08:54,299 --> 00:08:56,367 No! 165 00:08:56,368 --> 00:08:57,968 Tv's for adults. 166 00:09:00,105 --> 00:09:02,273 Don't you kids have something to do? 167 00:09:02,274 --> 00:09:03,608 Well, personally, 168 00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,976 I'm just killing time till I'm 18. 169 00:09:05,977 --> 00:09:08,179 I'm helping her count. 170 00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:12,550 Mrs. Rhoades is blushing like a schoolgirl. 171 00:09:14,419 --> 00:09:17,087 You told them. 172 00:09:17,088 --> 00:09:19,757 Everybody knows I'm a porn queen! 173 00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,564 Kel, 174 00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,466 I believe something deeply personal 175 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:29,900 Is going on here. 176 00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:31,235 And it might be more comfortable 177 00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,236 For the adults 178 00:09:32,237 --> 00:09:34,338 If the children left the room. 179 00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:36,240 Therefore, I shall open the bidding. 180 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,645 Five dollars. 181 00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:41,646 I hear 10. 182 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,780 Any further bidding? 183 00:09:42,781 --> 00:09:43,914 Perhaps from the little lady 184 00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:45,449 With the deep secret? 185 00:09:47,352 --> 00:09:48,786 Al, can't you get rid of them? 186 00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:51,422 Don't you think I've tried? 187 00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:54,492 All right, you little gangsters. 188 00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,594 How much are we talking? 189 00:09:56,595 --> 00:10:00,531 Well, 50 bucks hides a lot of shame. 190 00:10:00,532 --> 00:10:03,133 Trust her. She should know. 191 00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:07,938 Kids... 192 00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:09,907 Aren't you forgetting something? 193 00:10:09,908 --> 00:10:13,344 Both: Thank you, mr. And mrs. Rhoades. 194 00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:19,016 Al, what are we gonna do? 195 00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:20,284 Well, I don't know about you, 196 00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:22,986 But when the kids go to sleep, I'm looting. 197 00:10:22,987 --> 00:10:24,622 I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 198 00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:27,024 I'm gonna sue these vermin for everything they've got. 199 00:10:27,025 --> 00:10:28,292 Oh, I don't know. 200 00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:29,893 I've always been a fan of physical violence. 201 00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:32,496 How about if I go down there and break a back or two? 202 00:10:32,497 --> 00:10:33,631 That way, everybody's happy. 203 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:34,798 Quiet, dear. 204 00:10:34,799 --> 00:10:36,200 Steve has a thought 205 00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:40,304 On how sex with you can finally be satisfying. 206 00:10:40,305 --> 00:10:43,040 So we can make some money off of this? 207 00:10:43,041 --> 00:10:44,808 And see justice served. 208 00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:45,976 Right, marcie? 209 00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:47,645 When you go down there, 210 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,714 And you've broken their spines 211 00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:52,583 And snapped their arms like little twigs, 212 00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:54,652 And they're truly, truly helpless, 213 00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:55,986 Then I'll come in. 214 00:10:55,987 --> 00:10:57,988 Yeah, I'll come in, 215 00:10:57,989 --> 00:11:02,593 With just a mere old-fashioned can opener. 216 00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:06,163 And I'll do things to them... 217 00:11:06,164 --> 00:11:09,032 That'll make the devil himself vomit. 218 00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:14,104 Uh...Or we could sue. 219 00:11:14,105 --> 00:11:15,839 How much do you think we can get? 220 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,609 I think a million dollars is not out of the question. 221 00:11:18,610 --> 00:11:20,745 A million dollars? 222 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:24,114 Al, we hardly do anything together anymore. 223 00:11:24,115 --> 00:11:25,115 Let's sue. 224 00:11:25,116 --> 00:11:26,116 Well, peg, 225 00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:27,117 I don't know. 226 00:11:27,118 --> 00:11:28,286 It'd be kind of embarrassing. 227 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,854 A million dollars, al. 228 00:11:30,855 --> 00:11:33,991 Do you know what that means to you? 229 00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:37,428 Five thousand dollars. 230 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,477 I told you, peg, we should've 231 00:11:53,478 --> 00:11:55,913 Just beat the hell out of these people. 232 00:11:55,914 --> 00:11:57,682 It's a million dollars, al. 233 00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:58,816 How else are we 234 00:11:58,817 --> 00:12:00,184 Gonna get a million dollars? 235 00:12:00,185 --> 00:12:02,252 You earn it? Ha, ha! 236 00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:05,055 Now, just relax and be outraged. 237 00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:11,962 How lovely. 238 00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:14,365 New meat. 239 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,900 Who's that? 240 00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:18,268 The attorney for the defense. 241 00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:22,072 Where's our lawyer? 242 00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:25,175 You're looking at him. 243 00:12:25,176 --> 00:12:27,277 It's me, you idiot. 244 00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:29,947 I figure this is an open-and-shut case. 245 00:12:29,948 --> 00:12:31,549 A lawyer takes 30 percent. 246 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,183 That's 300 thou. 247 00:12:33,184 --> 00:12:34,952 That leaves us only 700 grand to split. 248 00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:37,287 After taxes, we get squat. 249 00:12:37,288 --> 00:12:38,756 Now, trust me. I know what I'm doing. 250 00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:43,661 Where's everybody going? 251 00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:47,965 We're standing for the judge, mr. Darrow. 252 00:12:47,966 --> 00:12:50,368 [gavel cracks] 253 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,370 This court is now in session. 254 00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:53,704 We will be hearing 255 00:12:53,705 --> 00:12:57,007 Rhoades and bundy v. The hop-on inn. 256 00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:59,410 We will now hear opening statements. 257 00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:03,447 [clears throat] 258 00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:10,287 Hello, everyone. 259 00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:13,591 Anyhow, 260 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,826 My wife and I and peggy and al bundy 261 00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:18,228 Went to the hop-on inn 262 00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:20,163 To indulge in a little clean marital fun... 263 00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:24,769 On separate occasions, of course. 264 00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:29,707 During the course of our wholesome bliss, 265 00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,675 Our romantic activities, 266 00:13:31,676 --> 00:13:34,578 The reaffirmation of the love we share, 267 00:13:34,579 --> 00:13:38,649 And whatever the bundys were doing... 268 00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:41,351 Our conjugal privacy was invaded. 269 00:13:41,352 --> 00:13:44,622 Yes, we were violated by video cameras. 270 00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:47,090 But first, 271 00:13:47,091 --> 00:13:48,926 I think you should hear some background 272 00:13:48,927 --> 00:13:54,598 That I believe is germane to this case. 273 00:13:54,599 --> 00:13:57,501 My grandfather came to this country a poor man... 274 00:13:57,502 --> 00:13:59,537 And in world war ii, 275 00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:00,905 My uncle nick 276 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:03,240 Wiped out more nazi dogs with venereal disease 277 00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:05,208 Than six armor divisions... 278 00:14:05,209 --> 00:14:07,545 [♪] 279 00:14:51,422 --> 00:14:54,291 Then they tape us having sex. 280 00:14:56,294 --> 00:14:58,161 And that concludes my opening statement. 281 00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:03,333 Uh, your honor? 282 00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:07,170 Thank you. 283 00:15:07,171 --> 00:15:09,139 You're welcome. 284 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,340 Ms. Weigel, 285 00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:11,942 Would you care to make an opening statement? 286 00:15:11,943 --> 00:15:14,311 The defense passes for the moment, your honor. 287 00:15:14,312 --> 00:15:16,380 Good move, girlie. 288 00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:19,249 Judge: Mr. Rhoades, 289 00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,584 You may call your first witness. 290 00:15:20,585 --> 00:15:22,720 Your honor, 291 00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,655 My only witnesses are... 292 00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:25,990 Exhibits a and b. 293 00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:28,191 Steve, you have the tapes? 294 00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:29,627 You're not gonna show those. 295 00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:31,595 A million dollars, marcie. 296 00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:33,998 Doesn't my honor mean more to you 297 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,298 Than a million dollars? 298 00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:42,272 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit a. 299 00:16:03,995 --> 00:16:06,797 And...The end. 300 00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:08,599 [applause] 301 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,935 Oh, thank you. 302 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,971 Honestly, it was nothing. 303 00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,272 No, really. 304 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:24,848 And, now...Exhibit b. 305 00:16:24,849 --> 00:16:28,953 The subpoenaed tape of mr. And mrs. Bundy... 306 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:38,228 And the end. 307 00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,835 And so, 308 00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:46,704 In conclusion, 309 00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:47,938 I'm sure it's obvious 310 00:16:47,939 --> 00:16:50,340 That our privacy was indeed invaded, 311 00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:53,978 And so we deserve a million dollars. 312 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,482 I rest my case. 313 00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,050 Ms. Weigel. 314 00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:03,520 I'd like to call my first witness to the stand, 315 00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,089 A mrs. Marcie rhoades. 316 00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:11,228 Mrs. Rhoades... 317 00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,431 Had you ever been to the hop-on inn 318 00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:15,766 Before the evening in question? 319 00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:18,002 [quietly] yes, once or twice. 320 00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,536 We can't hear you. 321 00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:22,873 I said, once or twice. 322 00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:26,076 Need I subpoena the desk clerk, guido? 323 00:17:26,077 --> 00:17:28,846 Thirty or 40 times. 324 00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:31,314 Thirty or 40 times. 325 00:17:31,315 --> 00:17:34,852 Well, I suppose that's normal. 326 00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:37,688 Mrs. Rhoades, are you wearing underwear? 327 00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:40,590 Two pairs. 328 00:17:40,591 --> 00:17:42,826 And are they both crotchless? 329 00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:45,829 Yes, damn you. 330 00:17:48,566 --> 00:17:49,767 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 331 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,368 I ask you, does this woman, 332 00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:52,970 The same woman you witnessed on that tape, 333 00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:54,571 Look like a woman who has been wronged 334 00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:56,807 By anyone but her husband? 335 00:17:56,808 --> 00:17:58,008 I object. 336 00:17:58,009 --> 00:17:59,977 Sure, when she picks on you. 337 00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,046 Where were you during the underwear examination? 338 00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:04,281 Mrs. Rhoades, 339 00:18:04,282 --> 00:18:05,549 You were not one bit deceived. 340 00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,584 You knew that camera was there all along. 341 00:18:07,585 --> 00:18:09,586 What kind of a woman do you think I am? 342 00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:12,756 Let's just see, shall we? 343 00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:15,225 Look familiar? 344 00:18:15,226 --> 00:18:17,895 [gasps] no! 345 00:18:17,896 --> 00:18:20,397 Thank you, mrs. Rhoades. 346 00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:22,800 Get out of my sight, you make me sick. 347 00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,870 I'd now like to call to the stand 348 00:18:26,871 --> 00:18:28,438 Mr. Al bundy. 349 00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:33,243 You did put on clean underwear today, 350 00:18:33,244 --> 00:18:34,778 Didn't you, al? 351 00:18:50,328 --> 00:18:52,796 Mr. Bundy, on what grounds are you suing? 352 00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:55,265 Um... 353 00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:56,934 Well, my wife's sick of poverty, 354 00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:59,103 And, uh... 355 00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,272 She told me she'd give me $5000. 356 00:19:02,273 --> 00:19:03,406 That's it? 357 00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:07,377 Then there's that outrage thing. 358 00:19:07,378 --> 00:19:08,779 Mr. Bundy, 359 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,148 Let's once again view that arousing performance 360 00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:13,784 You claim that my client is capitalizing on. 361 00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:22,226 All right, I'm feeling relaxed here, 362 00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:25,963 And I'm breathing good. 363 00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:28,132 There's the foreplay. 364 00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,567 And, uh... 365 00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:34,071 Once again, I finish first. 366 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,776 I'd now like to call mrs. Bundy. 367 00:19:44,916 --> 00:19:45,916 Mrs. Bundy, 368 00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,317 Did you have sex with your husband 369 00:19:47,318 --> 00:19:49,119 At the hop-on inn? 370 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,587 Yes. 371 00:19:50,588 --> 00:19:52,055 Mrs. Bundy, may I remind you 372 00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:53,857 That the penalty for perjury 373 00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:55,159 Is seven years in prison, 374 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:59,163 Where, I assure you, you will have sex. 375 00:20:01,632 --> 00:20:03,300 All right. 376 00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:07,004 Well, it may not be sex to you, but it is to me, 377 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,839 And just because you all have husbands 378 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,041 That can last long enough to time an egg, 379 00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:14,411 Doesn't mean that what al does doesn't count. 380 00:20:14,412 --> 00:20:16,313 You may step down. 381 00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:19,416 Is a crumb not a banquet for a starving person? 382 00:20:19,417 --> 00:20:21,185 You may step down. 383 00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:23,620 Is a fig leaf not clothing for the naked? 384 00:20:23,621 --> 00:20:25,555 Please, step down. 385 00:20:25,556 --> 00:20:27,791 You can't do this to al! 386 00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:29,126 Remove this woman. 387 00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:30,327 He'll lose what little confidence 388 00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:32,262 He already has. 389 00:20:32,263 --> 00:20:33,730 You were great, baby. 390 00:20:33,731 --> 00:20:36,200 Please, oh, please, don't listen to her. 391 00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:37,067 Don't give up. 392 00:20:38,636 --> 00:20:40,270 You are much man! 393 00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:42,505 [wails] oh, god! 394 00:20:47,979 --> 00:20:49,346 [gavel cracks] 395 00:20:49,347 --> 00:20:50,948 Has the jury reached a verdict? 396 00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:53,783 Yes, we have, your honor. 397 00:20:53,784 --> 00:20:57,787 We, the jury, award punitive damages of $10,000 398 00:20:57,788 --> 00:20:59,689 To mr. And mrs. Rhoades 399 00:20:59,690 --> 00:21:01,558 On the grounds that their privacy 400 00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:02,993 Was indeed invaded. 401 00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:05,062 Not bad, huh, babe? 402 00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,931 Curdle and die. 403 00:21:07,932 --> 00:21:11,134 And as for the bundys, 404 00:21:11,135 --> 00:21:12,569 No sex, no money. 405 00:21:15,006 --> 00:21:17,674 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. 406 00:21:17,675 --> 00:21:20,310 This court is now adjourned. 407 00:21:26,150 --> 00:21:27,717 Well, al, 408 00:21:27,718 --> 00:21:30,954 At least we still have each other. 409 00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:32,489 [sobbing] 410 00:21:37,896 --> 00:21:39,997 Peg, come with me. 411 00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:40,998 Where are we going? 412 00:21:40,999 --> 00:21:41,999 Come here a minute. 413 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,066 Over here. 414 00:21:43,067 --> 00:21:44,067 What, al? 415 00:21:44,068 --> 00:21:45,502 Hurry up. Come on. 416 00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:49,172 Get down in there. 417 00:21:53,611 --> 00:21:55,678 Like this, al? 418 00:21:55,679 --> 00:21:57,547 Yeah, like that. 419 00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:13,196 Al: Now, was that sex, or was that sex? 420 00:22:13,197 --> 00:22:15,432 [peggy slowly exhales smoke] 421 00:22:18,236 --> 00:22:20,603 That was sex, al. 422 00:22:20,604 --> 00:22:23,873 And you know, if we had been on tape, 423 00:22:23,874 --> 00:22:25,943 We would have made a million bucks. 424 00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:28,145 [both laugh] 425 00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:45,128 [♪] 28313

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