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1
00:00:03,502 --> 00:00:07,538
[♪]
2
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:10,635
[door slams]
3
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,241
[gunshots, bugleplaying "charge"]
4
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:25,917
[explosion]
5
00:01:27,352 --> 00:01:28,553
Ow!
6
00:01:30,322 --> 00:01:31,690
Hi, honey.
7
00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,692
I just wanted to make sure
you were still alive.
8
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:36,294
Sometimes
it's hard to tell.
9
00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:38,262
There's an
easier way, peg.
10
00:01:38,263 --> 00:01:43,134
Dead men don't
wake up yelling, "no!"
11
00:01:43,135 --> 00:01:45,970
Well, I just wanted
to be sure.
12
00:01:45,971 --> 00:01:47,872
You know,
it would be just like you
13
00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:49,574
To drop dead
in front of this tv
14
00:01:49,575 --> 00:01:52,577
The day before my big night out.
15
00:01:52,578 --> 00:01:55,479
God, what a lump
of sour milk my life is
16
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:56,480
That I'm actually
looking forward
17
00:01:56,481 --> 00:01:58,516
To a shoe convention.
18
00:01:58,517 --> 00:01:59,818
Well, I'm not.
19
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,786
Just another place
to remind me of my failures.
20
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:03,588
You know, work, home.
21
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:07,959
The bedroom.
22
00:02:09,494 --> 00:02:11,629
You're always there
for me when I'm down,
23
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:12,731
Aren't you, babe?
24
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:14,432
Oh, I'm nothing special.
25
00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:15,433
Just a wife.
26
00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:18,002
Mm. You claim.
27
00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:20,071
Anyway, peg, I'm just not
really looking forward
28
00:02:20,072 --> 00:02:22,741
To speaking
in front of all those people.
29
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,042
I mean,
who started that tradition
30
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:25,443
That the man
who makes the least
31
00:02:25,444 --> 00:02:28,146
Has to introduce the man
who makes the most?
32
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:29,447
Honey, you ought to be proud.
33
00:02:29,448 --> 00:02:31,015
I mean, no one else
34
00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:34,753
Has held that honor
for seven years in a row.
35
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:37,122
Why, hissing and booing you
36
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:40,892
Actually seems to energize
the whole convention.
37
00:02:40,893 --> 00:02:44,028
Peg, do you get
a special bonus or something
38
00:02:44,029 --> 00:02:46,430
If I don't reach 50?
39
00:02:46,431 --> 00:02:48,599
Gee, I'm not really sure.
40
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,068
I should check.
41
00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:52,771
But, honey, I don't what you
to ruin this convention for me.
42
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:53,772
It's my big night out.
43
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:54,773
I mean,
44
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,141
You have the glamour
and excitement
45
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:59,410
Of the shoe store
every single day.
46
00:02:59,411 --> 00:03:01,780
But I am stuck here
in this house,
47
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,414
Eating bonbons,
48
00:03:03,415 --> 00:03:05,449
Watching that tv
all day long.
49
00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:06,651
You owe me.
50
00:03:12,524 --> 00:03:14,425
Yeah, you're right.
51
00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:16,627
I guess I really just
never stop and think of you
52
00:03:16,628 --> 00:03:18,797
On my gleeful journey
to the mardi gras,
53
00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:22,100
Which is my life
at the shoe shop.
54
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:23,601
How can I repay you?
55
00:03:23,602 --> 00:03:26,137
Well, honey,
you can do for mommy
56
00:03:26,138 --> 00:03:27,806
That thing that great big al
57
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:31,509
Does best
for his itty-bitty wife.
58
00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:33,077
Come on, honey.
59
00:03:33,078 --> 00:03:34,078
Do it.
60
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:36,181
Take out the garbage.
61
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,185
You know, peg,
62
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:41,986
You could just
put a straw in my ear,
63
00:03:41,987 --> 00:03:44,255
And that way you could just
suck the life directly from me.
64
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,192
You know, I would,
65
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,060
But there's just
not enough room in there
66
00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:51,996
For a straw
and your finger.
67
00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:55,266
Oh, I love you, too,
my little "ice pick in the eye."
68
00:03:58,103 --> 00:04:00,972
Guys, step back and take
a good look at your future.
69
00:04:04,643 --> 00:04:06,010
Boy, when I get married,
70
00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,847
My wife's going
to take the garbage out.
71
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,850
And you'll get to keep
everything you earn too.
72
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,218
[laughs]
73
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:19,190
Anyhow, amigos,
74
00:04:19,191 --> 00:04:20,725
My parents
are going out tomorrow.
75
00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:22,961
So, what's the plan
for Saturday?
76
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,996
Amigo poker night,
amigo blackjack,
77
00:04:24,997 --> 00:04:28,867
Or amigo "egg the
old people" night?
78
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:30,001
Uh...
79
00:04:30,002 --> 00:04:32,136
Look, bud,
we've been trying
80
00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:33,938
To figure out a way
to tell you this,
81
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:35,974
But we can't hang out with you
tomorrow night.
82
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,408
We got dates.
83
00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:40,879
Dates?
84
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,048
H-h-how'd you guys
get dates?
85
00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:46,351
Well, see, bud,
you weren't there one day,
86
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,286
So instead of
throwing rocks at girls,
87
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,255
We talked to them.
88
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:53,758
Bud, it was amazing.
89
00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:56,127
They didn't run away
or anything.
90
00:04:56,128 --> 00:05:00,064
Yeah, so I guess we'll see you
around school or something.
91
00:05:00,065 --> 00:05:02,367
Come on,
we'll still be amigos and all.
92
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:05,270
You'll just be
the dateless amigo.
93
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,905
[al screams]
94
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:09,240
[crash]
95
00:05:09,241 --> 00:05:10,741
What was that?
96
00:05:10,742 --> 00:05:11,809
I don't know.
97
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:13,411
I guess my dad
fell and hurt himself.
98
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:14,279
Listen...
99
00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:18,516
Now, if you guys can get dates,
100
00:05:18,517 --> 00:05:21,519
I can get a date,
no problem.
101
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,789
Now that you guys
are finally ready,
102
00:05:24,790 --> 00:05:27,191
Studly bundy
can put out the word.
103
00:05:29,061 --> 00:05:31,796
Club bud
is now open for business.
104
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:37,235
No id required.
105
00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:38,937
Hey, yeah,
your folks are gonna be gone.
106
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:40,704
We can have
a really cool make-out party.
107
00:05:40,705 --> 00:05:42,440
All right!
108
00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:43,308
Amigo salute.
109
00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:47,178
Ow.
110
00:05:47,179 --> 00:05:48,579
We gotta get
a new salute.
111
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:49,580
Yeah.
112
00:05:49,581 --> 00:05:51,349
See you guys later.
113
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:52,350
Peg,
114
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:53,784
Come downstairs, quick!
115
00:05:53,785 --> 00:05:56,220
Bud, get over here.
116
00:05:56,221 --> 00:05:57,488
Family,
117
00:05:57,489 --> 00:06:01,192
I just fell in the garbage
and had a great idea.
118
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,261
Oh, al.
119
00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:04,595
You're going
to study really hard,
120
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:06,764
And take the test
for garbage man.
121
00:06:06,765 --> 00:06:09,167
Why to go, dad!
You'll pass this time.
122
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,035
Oh, we're going
to be rich,
123
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,870
We're going to be rich!
124
00:06:12,871 --> 00:06:15,173
Oh, shut up.
125
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:17,508
I'm not going
to be a garbage man.
126
00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:24,148
But I did have a great idea
for an invention,
127
00:06:24,149 --> 00:06:26,050
And it's gonna make us
so much money
128
00:06:26,051 --> 00:06:28,186
That people are going
to have to like us.
129
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,921
[laughs]
130
00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:33,124
Now, I'm not going
to tell you about it right now,
131
00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:34,925
But I'm going
to go down to the basement,
132
00:06:34,926 --> 00:06:36,861
And I'm going to work
on my invention.
133
00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:39,864
Al: Whoa!
134
00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:40,731
[thud]
135
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,870
Al: Who am I?
136
00:06:45,871 --> 00:06:48,639
Where am I?
137
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,376
Oh, that's right,
I'm al bundy.
138
00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:54,879
Oh, no. Damn!
139
00:06:56,982 --> 00:06:58,016
Hello, mrs. Yarnell.
140
00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:00,385
Is the lovely yetta at home?
141
00:07:02,654 --> 00:07:04,489
Hey, babe.
142
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:06,690
This is bud bundy.
143
00:07:06,691 --> 00:07:08,026
You might remember me
144
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:11,896
As the guy in the cafeteria
with straws up my nose.
145
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:14,798
Anyway, I was just thumbing
through my phone book,
146
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,901
Starting with the y's,
of course,
147
00:07:16,902 --> 00:07:20,371
And good news,
I'm free tonight--
148
00:07:20,372 --> 00:07:22,040
Hello?
149
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:23,374
Hello?
[doorbell rings]
150
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:32,517
Al said he had
some great news,
151
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,186
And I've got
a $70 bottle of champagne,
152
00:07:35,187 --> 00:07:37,121
And a $10 bottle of wine.
153
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,924
Are you moving away?
154
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:43,661
No.
155
00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:45,963
Alrighty.
156
00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:49,200
Are you going
on a very extended vacation?
157
00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:50,768
No.
158
00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:53,971
Alrighty.
159
00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:55,540
Well, if the news
is good enough,
160
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,141
I still have a chiclet
in my pocket
161
00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:58,909
We could divvy up.
162
00:07:58,910 --> 00:08:00,078
Now, steve,
163
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,080
Peggy may think
we don't like them.
164
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,315
Is al
going to prison?
165
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:07,718
Well, I'm sure at some point.
166
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:09,087
But right now,
167
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,289
He's down in the basement
making an invention.
168
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:12,457
Al:
Peg, are they here?
169
00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:13,958
No! No!
170
00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:15,460
Yes, they are, al.
171
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,261
Al: Well, sit them down
and shut them up.
172
00:08:17,262 --> 00:08:18,963
Here we come.
173
00:08:23,935 --> 00:08:27,871
Kelly:
Daddy, I'm dying.
174
00:08:27,872 --> 00:08:30,174
It's hot under here.
I can't breathe.
175
00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:33,411
Then you shouldn't be speaking.
176
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,278
Stay here.
177
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:40,784
Family,
178
00:08:40,785 --> 00:08:42,487
Honored guests...
179
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:43,988
[gasping]
180
00:08:46,758 --> 00:08:49,960
Kelly, we're not going on
until you stop choking.
181
00:08:49,961 --> 00:08:53,063
[coughing & retching]
182
00:08:53,064 --> 00:08:54,532
That's better.
183
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:55,933
Now, where was I?
184
00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:57,268
Ah.
185
00:08:57,269 --> 00:09:00,404
Let me take you back
to yesterday.
186
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:03,341
There I was, taking out
the garbage as usual,
187
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,809
When I tripped, fell,
188
00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:09,680
And my head landed in the trash.
189
00:09:09,681 --> 00:09:11,149
Normally,
I just hang out there
190
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:14,818
With my hopes and dreams
for a while,
191
00:09:14,819 --> 00:09:16,254
But not this time.
192
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:18,822
This time, a thought hit me.
193
00:09:18,823 --> 00:09:21,492
How can we, as a people,
avoid this?
194
00:09:21,493 --> 00:09:23,628
Put a light bulb outside?
195
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,069
Well, I suppose
that would work, too.
196
00:09:33,738 --> 00:09:36,374
What happens
if we don't have no light bulbs?
197
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,908
Get a flashlight?
198
00:09:42,314 --> 00:09:44,782
Well, it's obvious
that you're not going to guess,
199
00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:47,185
So I'll have to show you.
200
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:49,420
Ladies and gentlemen,
201
00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:51,189
Let me introduce you to...
202
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,857
The wave of the future...
203
00:09:53,858 --> 00:09:55,826
The bundy shoe lights!
204
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:13,344
Help me.
205
00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,585
Well, folks,
what do you think?
206
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,989
Let's hold the applause
till the end.
207
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:29,460
Now, I'll just turn kelly on.
208
00:10:29,461 --> 00:10:32,330
Then won't you be needing
some candy and $5?
209
00:10:39,771 --> 00:10:42,906
No, bud, we won't.
210
00:10:42,907 --> 00:10:44,508
Now, let me
just hook her up here.
211
00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:46,510
Oh, steve, is the plus
the positive or the negative?
212
00:10:46,511 --> 00:10:49,913
Oh, that's all right.
We'll find out soon enough.
213
00:10:49,914 --> 00:10:51,515
Now, kelly...
214
00:10:51,516 --> 00:10:52,416
[click]
215
00:10:55,387 --> 00:10:57,154
Walk.
216
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:09,267
[crashing]
217
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,434
Al: What was that?
218
00:11:10,435 --> 00:11:11,435
Kelly:
I don't know.
219
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:12,836
I can't see anything
but the floor
220
00:11:12,837 --> 00:11:14,938
In these
stupid shoes.
221
00:11:14,939 --> 00:11:16,540
Peggy:
I think it was our lamp, al.
222
00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:17,941
Al: Who cares?
It's working!
223
00:11:17,942 --> 00:11:19,644
It's working!
224
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:21,646
She's walking
in the dark.
225
00:11:24,949 --> 00:11:26,284
It worked!
It worked!
226
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,286
I'm going to be
somebody after all.
227
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,721
[laughs]
228
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:34,958
Thanks, mom.
229
00:11:34,959 --> 00:11:38,362
Was there no one else
you could marry?
230
00:11:38,363 --> 00:11:43,334
Yeah. Like I could have really
seen this coming.
231
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:45,169
Ha, ha.
Shut up, peg.
232
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:50,073
Well, what do you think
of my little invention?
233
00:11:50,074 --> 00:11:52,042
Oh, god.
234
00:11:53,077 --> 00:11:55,078
This is really it.
235
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:57,315
This is all
he's going to be.
236
00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:00,050
This is all
he's going to have.
237
00:12:00,051 --> 00:12:02,019
And I'm going
to have it with him.
238
00:12:06,224 --> 00:12:07,391
Son?
239
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:10,060
It's "bud" to you, dad.
240
00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:13,731
Is it "bud"
to you too, steve?
241
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:17,335
No, al.
242
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:20,338
I believe you got to have
faith in your vision.
243
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,340
I had a dream
of my own once,
244
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:24,975
An idea whose time
had truly come.
245
00:12:24,976 --> 00:12:26,977
Oh, god, steve,
don't tell everyone
246
00:12:26,978 --> 00:12:29,747
About your insane quest
to create a 99-cent coin.
247
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:30,614
Al...
248
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:37,588
I invented
the 99-cent coin.
249
00:12:37,589 --> 00:12:41,425
Have you ever noticed
how things cost...
250
00:12:41,426 --> 00:12:44,294
$7.99?
251
00:12:44,295 --> 00:12:46,364
Fourteen dollars and 99 cents?
252
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:49,467
Ninety-nine dollars
and 99 cents?
253
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:52,370
Well, my coin would eliminate
the messy change
254
00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:53,971
That only catches the attention
255
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,439
Of those obnoxious beggars
who hassle you
256
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,376
On your way to your mercedes.
257
00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:00,244
Think of it, al.
258
00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:01,379
Anything you want.
259
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:05,048
You just plunk down
old number 99.
260
00:13:05,049 --> 00:13:06,917
It's a plan without flaws.
261
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,652
What about tax?
262
00:13:13,224 --> 00:13:17,094
You sound just like those fools
in the treasury department.
263
00:13:17,095 --> 00:13:19,930
Well, dear, maybe
if you didn't insist
264
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:23,601
On putting your picture
on the coin.
265
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:24,802
Who should it
have been, yours?
266
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,405
The important thing is, al,
267
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:29,206
You gotta see your dream
through, buddy.
268
00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,141
All they can do is laugh at you.
269
00:13:31,142 --> 00:13:34,278
And audit you for
five straight years.
270
00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:36,614
Now, come on, honey,
271
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:38,783
Let's go home.
272
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,818
Mommy will make you
some of that nice cocoa
273
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:42,653
That makes you
all warm and sleepy
274
00:13:42,654 --> 00:13:44,622
For two or three days.
275
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:49,159
Yes. I believe
I'd like some nice cocoa
276
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,295
With the little marshmallows.
277
00:13:54,966 --> 00:13:56,901
Oh, wait a second.
It's dark out.
278
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:59,770
Kelly, show them the way.
279
00:14:03,475 --> 00:14:04,942
Kelly, I heard a noise.
280
00:14:04,943 --> 00:14:06,276
Go see if it's a burglar.
281
00:14:06,277 --> 00:14:08,479
Kelly, I don't know
if this green meat is any good.
282
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,114
Taste it.
283
00:14:11,115 --> 00:14:12,550
Kelly, I need someone
284
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,885
To look like a moron
and wear shoe lights.
285
00:14:14,886 --> 00:14:18,789
No wonder I seek the shelter
of a stranger's arms.
286
00:14:22,393 --> 00:14:23,961
Oh, kelly, hurry up home
287
00:14:23,962 --> 00:14:26,330
Because we're going to need you
to start the car.
288
00:14:29,968 --> 00:14:31,969
Peg, I don't care
what anybody says.
289
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:34,772
I'm holding onto my dream
to the bitter end.
290
00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:38,008
Oh. Now I really am depressed.
291
00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:40,811
I thought this was
the bitter end.
292
00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:44,181
Come on, babe, I'm going
to make you a millionaire.
293
00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:46,484
Why, at this shoe convention
tonight,
294
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:48,819
I'm going to show the world
who the real idiot is.
295
00:14:50,154 --> 00:14:51,021
Bundy cheer.
296
00:14:54,158 --> 00:14:56,360
Whoa, bundy!
297
00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:04,034
Nobody whoa'd.
298
00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:05,903
That's okay. That's fine,
299
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,437
But when those millions
start rolling in,
300
00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:09,373
I'm going to be the one
at burger king,
301
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:14,177
Sucking down the whoppers
at my own private table.
302
00:15:14,178 --> 00:15:16,847
You'll wish you'd whoa'd then.
303
00:15:16,848 --> 00:15:18,148
Peg, I got to get dressed.
304
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:19,884
Come on,
I got to look great tonight.
305
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,485
All right, honey.
Let's go to the closet,
306
00:15:21,486 --> 00:15:23,153
And get the suit
your father was buried in.
307
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:34,464
Kel, I've got a problem.
308
00:15:34,465 --> 00:15:36,299
I need a date for tonight, bad.
309
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,502
So how about setting me up
with some of your friends?
310
00:15:38,503 --> 00:15:40,470
You know, the tramp squad.
311
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,909
Bud, look at yourself.
312
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,844
Face the ugly truth.
313
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,311
They don't have
woods deep enough
314
00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:50,614
To grow the kind of girls
who'd be willing to date you.
315
00:15:52,517 --> 00:15:55,218
I mean,
maybe you're aiming too high.
316
00:15:55,219 --> 00:15:58,155
You know, a live girl.
317
00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:00,524
See, your problem is
you've got caviar taste
318
00:16:00,525 --> 00:16:01,959
And a pizza face.
319
00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:06,030
Aim a little lower.
320
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,699
Hey, logs can't run away.
321
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,568
Well, then, there's the dead.
322
00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:12,369
I mean,
one who's been dead long enough
323
00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:14,905
Might even think
that you're a good catch.
324
00:16:14,906 --> 00:16:16,473
Hey, I know.
325
00:16:16,474 --> 00:16:18,508
How about a nice
department-store mannequin?
326
00:16:18,509 --> 00:16:23,080
I mean, they're used to being
undressed by sexless boys.
327
00:16:24,549 --> 00:16:27,718
Thanks for the help,
bleached-blanket bimbo.
328
00:16:30,555 --> 00:16:31,589
They may call me bimbo,
329
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:33,691
But at least they call me.
330
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:44,902
Well, I'll tell you this:
I'll get a date, a real one.
331
00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:48,806
Mannequin.
332
00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:51,709
The day I stoop low enough
to date a mannequin
333
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:54,678
Is the day
I truly earn the name...
334
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:55,980
Bundy.
335
00:17:11,295 --> 00:17:12,963
Yeah, I know.
336
00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:16,399
Pretty low, huh?
337
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,235
Okay, watch me hit rock bottom.
338
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:44,294
Well, now
for the finishing touch,
339
00:17:44,295 --> 00:17:46,496
A little love bite
from my woman.
340
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:51,835
[whirring]
341
00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:53,203
Ow!
342
00:17:54,539 --> 00:17:56,239
Ooh.
343
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,541
[doorbell rings]
344
00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:07,217
Well, here we go.
345
00:18:11,022 --> 00:18:12,556
[slow, romantic music playing
over stereo]
346
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,904
Hey. Hey, guys.
347
00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:28,238
What's up?
348
00:18:28,239 --> 00:18:29,807
Whoa, bud.
349
00:18:31,309 --> 00:18:32,409
What?
350
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:39,616
Couldn't you wait for us?
351
00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:41,384
I could.
352
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:42,953
My babe couldn't.
353
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,925
Al:
Good evening, fellow shoe men.
354
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,326
You all know me.
355
00:18:49,327 --> 00:18:50,527
[booing & hissing]
356
00:18:50,528 --> 00:18:53,563
Man: Sit down, bundy.
Man 2: Go home, you stink!
357
00:18:53,564 --> 00:18:55,232
Al:
Yeah, I love you, too.
358
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:59,737
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
the unveiling of bundy...
359
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:03,406
A man and his shoe lights.
360
00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:04,808
Kelly, don't step
in the coin fountain!
361
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:05,809
[electricity crackling]
362
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:08,078
Kelly:
Help! Help!
363
00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:10,714
Al:
It's just a little fire, folks.
Don't panic!
364
00:19:10,715 --> 00:19:13,117
[people clamoring]
365
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:14,752
Al:
Shoe lights!
366
00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:15,753
Get your shoe lights!
367
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:17,420
Fire sale!
368
00:19:17,421 --> 00:19:19,289
[sobs]
oh, god!
369
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,693
[romantic music still playing]
370
00:19:28,099 --> 00:19:30,333
Oh, monique.
371
00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:31,635
[effeminately]
oh, bud.
372
00:19:33,638 --> 00:19:35,773
Gee, you know, I never
really noticed before,
373
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:38,441
But bud's kind of cute.
374
00:19:38,442 --> 00:19:39,542
I know.
375
00:19:39,543 --> 00:19:41,544
I think I've seen
monique before.
376
00:19:41,545 --> 00:19:43,781
Wow, she's hot.
377
00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:46,716
You know,
I almost bought that same dress.
378
00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:50,788
I saw it in a store window.
379
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:54,424
Anyway,
I wish bud would ask me out.
380
00:19:54,425 --> 00:19:56,660
Look at bud the stud.
381
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:00,764
Hey, girls, come on back.
It's safe.
382
00:20:00,765 --> 00:20:03,100
It's just a trick
I did with my armpit.
383
00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:11,708
Wow. Bud got a real woman,
384
00:20:11,709 --> 00:20:13,677
And all we got
is dead wood.
385
00:20:15,513 --> 00:20:16,646
Boy:
You know,
386
00:20:16,647 --> 00:20:20,483
That girl with bud
was checking me out.
387
00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:24,221
Boy 2:
Yeah, right,
a girl like that.
388
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:32,229
Uh, well, guys,
I guess you're on your own.
389
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:36,066
Monique wants to go upstairs.
390
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:37,600
Later, gators.
391
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:45,075
Girl:
Why can't guys be like bud?
392
00:20:45,076 --> 00:20:49,713
Girl 2:
Let's face it,
we're with boys.
393
00:20:49,714 --> 00:20:51,348
Bud is a man.
394
00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:53,483
He knows how
to treat a lady.
395
00:21:04,095 --> 00:21:06,897
So you want a date, huh?
396
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:08,131
Gee, I don't know.
397
00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:10,834
I'm booked through June.
398
00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:15,505
Maybe I could squeeze you in...
Say, tomorrow?
399
00:21:15,506 --> 00:21:17,174
Ciao, baby.
400
00:21:27,952 --> 00:21:30,820
All right, the shoe lights
didn't work.
401
00:21:30,821 --> 00:21:33,323
But when I stepped in
that mess in the yard,
402
00:21:33,324 --> 00:21:35,259
I got another
great idea.
403
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,760
"shoeper-scoopers."
404
00:21:39,163 --> 00:21:42,099
We'll have kelly follow
some people with dogs,
405
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,701
And we'll
be rolling in it.
406
00:21:44,702 --> 00:21:47,570
Wipe your feet
and shut up.
407
00:21:47,571 --> 00:21:48,906
Come on in here,
kelly.
408
00:21:48,907 --> 00:21:50,640
You're letting all
the heat out of the house.
409
00:21:57,916 --> 00:21:59,917
I will not...
410
00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:01,885
Wear shoeper-scoopers.
411
00:22:01,886 --> 00:22:03,987
[zap]
ow!
412
00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:05,289
[zap]
413
00:22:06,724 --> 00:22:09,793
Aw, that's
the electrocution talking.
414
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:13,430
That's not
my little girl.
415
00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:17,968
Well, my night was hell.
416
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,636
I was a roman candle.
417
00:22:21,439 --> 00:22:22,439
How was yours?
418
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,440
[zap]
419
00:22:23,441 --> 00:22:24,641
Not bad.
420
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:29,879
She was a little stiff at first,
but, uh...
421
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,248
She loosened up.
422
00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:45,162
[♪]
28488
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