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1
00:00:03,168 --> 00:00:07,105
[♪]
2
00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:10,368
[door slams]
3
00:01:15,474 --> 00:01:18,309
Bud:
If we don't get some food soon,
4
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:22,513
It's donner pass, baby.
5
00:01:22,514 --> 00:01:24,716
Kelly:
Hmm.
6
00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:26,818
He's a little stringy,
7
00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:29,154
But seasoned correctly...
8
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,923
Bud chops.
9
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,328
[sighs]
10
00:01:37,329 --> 00:01:38,697
What're you kids doing?
11
00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:41,566
Both [chanting]:
Food! Food! Food! Food!
12
00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:43,267
Food! Food! Food! Food!
Food! Food!
13
00:01:43,268 --> 00:01:46,337
All:
Food! Food! Food! Food! Food!
14
00:01:46,338 --> 00:01:48,206
Food! Food! Food! Food! Food!
15
00:01:48,207 --> 00:01:50,341
Just the boys!
16
00:01:50,342 --> 00:01:52,010
Just the girls!
17
00:01:52,011 --> 00:01:54,879
Food! Food! Food!
Food! Food! Food!
18
00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:59,818
Oh, well, that was fun.
19
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:00,952
But nobody's bringing any.
20
00:02:00,953 --> 00:02:04,189
So you guys
want to see my new dress?
21
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,389
Uh, yeah, sure thing, mom,
22
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,391
But first, can we have
a little chat about nutrition.
23
00:02:07,392 --> 00:02:10,695
To hell with nutrition,
let's talk about food.
24
00:02:11,663 --> 00:02:13,198
You see, mom,
25
00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,233
No nutrition
equals no brain.
26
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:17,468
I give you
exhibit a.
27
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:20,304
Now, we've
been talking
28
00:02:20,305 --> 00:02:21,505
To the other
kids at school,
29
00:02:21,506 --> 00:02:23,708
And they get
three meals a day.
30
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:25,043
Now, I know
what you said,
31
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,078
That food only
leads to food poisoning,
32
00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:29,047
But we're willing
to risk it.
33
00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:32,984
Oh, kids, don't you understand?
34
00:02:32,985 --> 00:02:34,853
See, your father
doesn't earn enough
35
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:38,857
For this dress and food.
36
00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:40,491
Frankly, your father
doesn't earn enough
37
00:02:40,492 --> 00:02:43,862
For this dress and gum.
38
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:45,730
Actually, your father
doesn't earn enough
39
00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:47,766
For this dress.
40
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,267
So if you're really hungry,
41
00:02:49,268 --> 00:02:51,602
Why don't you
eat this price tag?
42
00:02:51,603 --> 00:02:56,641
And eat it fast
before your dad gets home.
43
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:57,675
Hey, how come
44
00:02:57,676 --> 00:03:00,378
You always get
the plastic thread?
45
00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:01,846
I'm just doing it
for you, kelly.
46
00:03:01,847 --> 00:03:04,448
You know plastic goes
right to your thighs.
47
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,586
Come on, mom.
We're hungry.
48
00:03:08,587 --> 00:03:11,122
Isn't there anything
to eat in this house?
49
00:03:24,436 --> 00:03:25,436
You know,
50
00:03:25,437 --> 00:03:27,105
I don't think he ever got over
51
00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:29,140
Waking up
that christmas morning,
52
00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:30,441
Surrounded by little potatoes
53
00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:34,345
With a pineapple ring
on his back.
54
00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:37,682
It's not like we glazed him
or anything.
55
00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:39,617
Mom, we're starving.
56
00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:41,920
Feed us or trade us.
57
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:45,456
Kids, I really do
know how you feel.
58
00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:46,825
I was hungry too,
59
00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:51,729
Until I stopped at burger king
on my way home.
60
00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:53,497
But, you see,
this is real important.
61
00:03:53,498 --> 00:03:56,267
Daddy and I are going
to our high school reunion,
62
00:03:56,268 --> 00:03:58,336
And I really want to wow them.
63
00:03:58,337 --> 00:03:59,804
If you really want
to wow them,
64
00:03:59,805 --> 00:04:01,105
Why don't you just tell them
65
00:04:01,106 --> 00:04:03,274
That your daughter
weighs 47 pounds?
66
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:06,711
Boy, mommy just wants
to have a little fun,
67
00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:10,248
And all you kids can think about
are your empty little stomachs.
68
00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:11,916
Now, go forage in the freezer,
69
00:04:11,917 --> 00:04:13,952
And let mommy be happy.
70
00:04:23,595 --> 00:04:25,864
Hi, peg.
71
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,232
Nice dress.
72
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,499
What's the occasion?
73
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,535
Oprah having
a formal episode?
74
00:04:31,536 --> 00:04:32,703
Al,
75
00:04:32,704 --> 00:04:34,538
Don't you remember anything?
76
00:04:34,539 --> 00:04:37,475
Not since I said, "I do."
77
00:04:40,445 --> 00:04:41,645
Then your mother
opened her mouth
78
00:04:41,646 --> 00:04:43,848
And put me down.
79
00:04:43,849 --> 00:04:46,251
That was a show of affection.
80
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:49,220
That's how she used to
carry all of us around.
81
00:04:49,221 --> 00:04:50,755
But let's forget about the past.
82
00:04:50,756 --> 00:04:53,724
Tomorrow night, we're going
to our high school reunion,
83
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:55,126
And I want us to look nice,
84
00:04:55,127 --> 00:04:57,195
So get your suit
out of the hamper and iron it.
85
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:04,936
Peg, I don't want to go
to my high school reunion.
86
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,137
I just know they're going to
87
00:05:06,138 --> 00:05:07,538
Ask me questions
that I can't answer,
88
00:05:07,539 --> 00:05:09,007
Like, "how you doing?"
89
00:05:10,776 --> 00:05:12,944
"how's it going?"
90
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:15,513
And the ever-painful
"how they hanging?"
91
00:05:20,052 --> 00:05:21,819
Now, listen, al,
you promised you'd take me
92
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:25,390
The night you didn't take me
to our senior prom.
93
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,657
Well, honey,
94
00:05:26,658 --> 00:05:28,459
We had a great time
that night, didn't we?
95
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:31,095
Oh, yeah,
wall-to-wall magic.
96
00:05:31,096 --> 00:05:34,565
Watching sports on tv
at my father's house.
97
00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:36,200
You drank all the beer.
98
00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:37,601
I said, "I love you."
99
00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:41,372
You said, "shut up,
I can't hear the game."
100
00:05:41,373 --> 00:05:45,376
Oh, and then we did it
on my father's coat.
101
00:05:45,377 --> 00:05:47,946
You were quite
a tiger that night, al.
102
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:49,380
Yeah, well,
who ever thought
103
00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:52,483
I'd see you again
after that?
104
00:06:01,593 --> 00:06:04,028
Hey, kel, I think
I got something here.
105
00:06:04,029 --> 00:06:06,064
It could be edible.
106
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,698
Let's see. It's...
107
00:06:07,699 --> 00:06:10,501
It's...
108
00:06:10,502 --> 00:06:13,438
Freddy, my goldfish?
109
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,473
It's the one we froze
till they found a cure
110
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:18,042
For whatever
was killing him.
111
00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:19,543
Bud, you were
only 5 then,
112
00:06:19,544 --> 00:06:20,544
So we didn't tell you,
113
00:06:20,545 --> 00:06:21,545
But, um,
114
00:06:21,546 --> 00:06:22,981
What was killing him
115
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,582
Was that
we didn't feed him.
116
00:06:27,953 --> 00:06:30,554
Oh, freddy.
117
00:06:30,555 --> 00:06:32,423
Dibs on the head.
118
00:06:32,424 --> 00:06:34,292
I get the head.
119
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:35,693
No, he was my pet.
120
00:06:35,694 --> 00:06:38,929
Yeah, well, I was the one
who didn't feed him.
121
00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:40,398
Oops.
122
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,599
Well, let's just fry him up,
123
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,401
And we'll say
next time I get a pet,
124
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:44,802
You can let him
starve to death.
125
00:06:44,803 --> 00:06:45,669
Deal.
126
00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:48,473
Ahh.
127
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:53,744
Kel, I can't.
128
00:06:53,745 --> 00:06:56,280
I mean, I just can't
eat freddy.
129
00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:58,849
He lived in my room.
130
00:06:58,850 --> 00:06:59,884
So does fungus.
131
00:06:59,885 --> 00:07:02,753
Where do you
draw the line?
132
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:05,256
At a fish I was proud
to call my friend.
133
00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:06,590
Hey,
134
00:07:06,591 --> 00:07:08,993
Let's go outside and throw him
in front of a car.
135
00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:11,595
Maybe we can get
some insurance money.
136
00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:12,463
Oh, cool.
137
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,333
I'm glad they're gone.
138
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:18,969
They were
depressing me, al.
139
00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:20,505
So, honey,
there is no way
140
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,507
You're not taking me
to this reunion.
141
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:23,707
This year,
142
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:25,643
They're going to elect
a queen for the reunion.
143
00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,845
Now, I gave up being
queen of our prom for you.
144
00:07:27,846 --> 00:07:28,913
Don't you think
145
00:07:28,914 --> 00:07:30,515
It's time you gave up
something for me?
146
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,517
Well, I guess
a little thing like my life
147
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:33,918
Is meaningless, huh?
148
00:07:33,919 --> 00:07:36,587
Oh, honey,
I never wanted your life.
149
00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:39,623
I just took it
because it was there.
150
00:07:39,624 --> 00:07:42,026
But being reunion queen
is important to me,
151
00:07:42,027 --> 00:07:43,861
And I just know I can win.
152
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:46,064
The only competition
I have to worry about
153
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,631
Is that connie bender.
154
00:07:47,632 --> 00:07:50,368
Yeah, connie bender.
155
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:53,571
I remember her.
156
00:07:53,572 --> 00:07:56,074
What do you remember, al?
157
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:59,477
I remember her father
had a great coat.
158
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:05,083
I know what you're trying to do.
159
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:06,884
You're trying
to make me mad at you
160
00:08:06,885 --> 00:08:08,786
So I'll tell you to stay home.
161
00:08:08,787 --> 00:08:10,488
Well, it didn't work
at our wedding,
162
00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:12,423
And it's not gonna work now.
163
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:17,895
You know,
it's amazing.
164
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,630
A million cars
on the road,
165
00:08:19,631 --> 00:08:20,831
And you toss freddy
166
00:08:20,832 --> 00:08:22,600
In front of
an uninsured motorist.
167
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:24,335
Well, kelly,
168
00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:26,737
If you'd just gotten in the car
like the man asked,
169
00:08:26,738 --> 00:08:29,440
We would have had 50 bucks.
170
00:08:33,945 --> 00:08:36,414
Well, let's just go upstairs
and check the webs for spiders.
171
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:39,049
Yeah, well, just don't give me
any of that,
172
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:40,751
"don't eat him, it's stanley,"
173
00:08:40,752 --> 00:08:43,588
Because if it moves,
it's dinner.
174
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:44,855
Well, it's obvious
175
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,557
The kids have
upstairs covered.
176
00:08:46,558 --> 00:08:47,891
What's my dinner, peg?
177
00:08:47,892 --> 00:08:51,329
Furnace scrapings
du jour?
178
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,598
Don't I do enough
as wife and mother?
179
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:54,698
[doorbell rings]
180
00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:58,536
Al, your dog
burst into our house
181
00:08:58,537 --> 00:09:00,438
And then hid under our bed.
182
00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,940
He does that every day
around suppertime.
183
00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:04,975
Quite frankly,
he needs a bath,
184
00:09:04,976 --> 00:09:07,111
And he won't listen
to a word I say.
185
00:09:07,112 --> 00:09:08,212
[laughs]
186
00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:11,516
Doggy see, doggy do.
187
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,851
Oh, that is such
a beautiful dress.
188
00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:17,087
I just saw it
on michigan avenue,
189
00:09:17,088 --> 00:09:19,257
But my husband didn't
think we could afford it.
190
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:20,858
See, steve?
191
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:25,630
Al doesn't mind spending
$500 on his wife.
192
00:09:32,704 --> 00:09:36,407
Is that what I spent on you,
pookie?
193
00:09:36,408 --> 00:09:39,109
Gee, I guess
I really do love you.
194
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,678
We're broke. You know that, peg.
195
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:41,679
Oh, al.
196
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,381
What difference does it make,
197
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,316
Another month
in debtor's prison?
198
00:09:45,317 --> 00:09:46,950
I'm going
to be reunion queen!
199
00:09:46,951 --> 00:09:47,951
[gasps]
200
00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:50,254
That's so exciting.
201
00:09:50,255 --> 00:09:51,755
But if you're
going to be queen,
202
00:09:51,756 --> 00:09:53,957
You can't just go
in a $500 dress.
203
00:09:53,958 --> 00:09:57,328
You have to
accessorize properly.
204
00:09:57,329 --> 00:09:58,429
We could get you
205
00:09:58,430 --> 00:10:00,565
A beautiful
beaded evening purse
206
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:01,599
If you'd be willing
207
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,702
To bounce a check
for another $200.
208
00:10:04,703 --> 00:10:07,438
Would you mind, honey?
209
00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:09,106
So, al,
210
00:10:09,107 --> 00:10:10,641
What are you up for,
211
00:10:10,642 --> 00:10:13,744
The coveted "cartwheeling
to the grave" award?
212
00:10:13,745 --> 00:10:14,745
Okay, everybody,
213
00:10:14,746 --> 00:10:17,147
Let me put this
as plainly as I can.
214
00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:19,217
I rule this house.
215
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:20,218
I pay for it.
216
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,553
I rot within its walls,
217
00:10:22,554 --> 00:10:24,088
And I make the decisions.
218
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:25,523
And my decision is,
219
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:27,858
Save that dress
for my funeral,
220
00:10:27,859 --> 00:10:30,761
Because we're not,
no chance, no way, no how,
221
00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:31,829
Going to that reunion.
222
00:10:34,299 --> 00:10:36,300
And you're going
to have to buy some shoes.
223
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:40,538
Oh, peggy. Queen!
224
00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,640
I'm so happy for you.
225
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:48,178
So, what will
you be wearing, al?
226
00:10:48,179 --> 00:10:50,114
The royal leash?
227
00:10:56,355 --> 00:10:59,257
I don't understand.
228
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:02,226
I mean, the father's the boss,
isn't he?
229
00:11:02,227 --> 00:11:04,662
I mean, robert young
was the boss.
230
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:07,431
Fred macmurray got some respect.
231
00:11:07,432 --> 00:11:10,033
Even fred flintstone
had his day once or twice.
232
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:12,870
Are you telling me
233
00:11:12,871 --> 00:11:14,972
I'm not the man
fred flintstone is?
234
00:11:14,973 --> 00:11:17,841
Well, he had a better
job than you do.
235
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:22,513
Oh, come on, al.
236
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,515
Reunions are fun.
237
00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:25,549
Every now and then,
238
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,851
You have to take
a stroll down memory lane
239
00:11:27,852 --> 00:11:30,354
And say hi
to mr. Days gone by.
240
00:11:30,355 --> 00:11:31,589
Why, steve and I
241
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:34,325
Couldn't wait to go
to our respective reunions.
242
00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:36,026
The failures
of our former classmates
243
00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:39,997
Were even greater
than we'd hoped and dreamed.
244
00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:44,535
Yeah, remember that hotshot
visual-aids captain,
245
00:11:44,536 --> 00:11:46,136
Marcus belsky?
246
00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:48,205
He's a tow truck
operator now.
247
00:11:49,974 --> 00:11:53,444
Yeah.
Steal my compass, will you?
248
00:11:53,445 --> 00:11:55,979
Well, rot in hell, belsky.
249
00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:58,449
What about that
snot-nosed pompom slut,
250
00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:01,018
Courtney pierce?
251
00:12:01,019 --> 00:12:03,321
"most likely
to succeed."
252
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:07,525
Yeah, well, she succeeded
in growing a mustache...
253
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,795
And bagging groceries
for $3.20 an hour.
254
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:13,531
Yeah, see? That's what
reunions are for.
255
00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:16,600
To laugh and point
at the pitiful.
256
00:12:16,601 --> 00:12:18,502
You know, al, the wretches,
the failures,
257
00:12:18,503 --> 00:12:20,103
The people who haven't
accomplished a damn thing
258
00:12:20,104 --> 00:12:20,971
Since high school.
259
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:29,313
I, uh...
260
00:12:29,314 --> 00:12:31,982
Uh, I'm sorry, al.
261
00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:36,620
You know,
barney rubble wasn't much,
262
00:12:36,621 --> 00:12:39,256
But at least he was supportive,
steve.
263
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,394
Marcie,
let's go home,
264
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:44,628
Punch up
265
00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:46,964
Some of our old classmate''
credit ratings
266
00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:48,666
On the computer,
267
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:49,834
And make love
268
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,469
By the flickering ashes
of their lives.
269
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,838
Steve.
270
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:56,774
We'll make a bed
of our negotiable securities...
271
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,376
And do the wild thing.
272
00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:03,247
Why don't we get
273
00:13:03,248 --> 00:13:06,216
Any negotiable
securities, al?
274
00:13:06,217 --> 00:13:11,021
Because my wild thing
broke me.
275
00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:12,556
Now, get this
straight, peg.
276
00:13:12,557 --> 00:13:14,859
There's is no way I'm going
to this reunion.
277
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,960
Listen, al,
278
00:13:16,961 --> 00:13:19,329
You said, "I'm not
taking you to the prom."
279
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:20,531
I said, "fine."
280
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:21,532
You said,
281
00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:22,733
"I'll only be
a shoes salesman
282
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:23,768
"for a couple of months
283
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:25,369
Till I get my feet
off the ground."
284
00:13:25,370 --> 00:13:26,771
I said, "fine."
285
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:28,205
You said,
286
00:13:28,206 --> 00:13:30,307
"I don't know what's
wrong. I'm just tired."
287
00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:32,610
I said, "fine."
288
00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:34,712
I'm not saying
"fine" anymore.
289
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,213
We are going
to this reunion,
290
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:37,615
And you're gonna
be proud of me,
291
00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:39,917
And I am gonna
be proud of you,
292
00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:42,152
Because when people ask
what you do for a living,
293
00:13:42,153 --> 00:13:45,756
You're going to say
you're a garbage man.
294
00:13:45,757 --> 00:13:48,258
Peg, I don't want
to go to the reunion.
295
00:13:48,259 --> 00:13:49,860
Can't we just forget
about the good times
296
00:13:49,861 --> 00:13:50,928
And get on with our lives?
297
00:13:52,564 --> 00:13:54,331
No, al.
298
00:13:54,332 --> 00:13:56,434
[sweetly]
oh, come on, puddin',
299
00:13:56,435 --> 00:14:00,471
My little-wittle
hunky bear.
300
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:01,739
Peg, don't
do this to me.
301
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,974
You know it shrivels up
all my working parts.
302
00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:09,680
My yummy-wummy
hairy tummy,
303
00:14:09,681 --> 00:14:14,585
My simple-wimple
pimple bottom.
304
00:14:14,586 --> 00:14:16,019
Please.
305
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:17,154
Oh, honey,
306
00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:19,356
I'll be a good girl
for the rest of my life.
307
00:14:19,357 --> 00:14:20,825
I promise,
308
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:23,494
And I'll never ask you
for anything ever, ever again.
309
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:25,228
Okay, donkey-wonkey?
310
00:14:25,229 --> 00:14:27,331
Oh, jeez,
I'll do anything.
311
00:14:27,332 --> 00:14:29,800
Just shut up,
all right?
312
00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:33,170
Fine, but now that
you insist on going,
313
00:14:33,171 --> 00:14:34,972
There are going
to be a few rules.
314
00:14:34,973 --> 00:14:36,440
First, I don't
want you talking
315
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,342
To any
of your old friends,
316
00:14:38,343 --> 00:14:41,144
Particularly
that little weasel, eli.
317
00:14:41,145 --> 00:14:43,313
Hey, eli was
a good guy, peg.
318
00:14:43,314 --> 00:14:45,148
Good guys don't say,
319
00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:47,718
"hey, bundy,
I got 20 riding on you.
320
00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:50,287
Lower your head
and run into a brick wall."
321
00:14:50,288 --> 00:14:51,421
[chuckles]
322
00:14:51,422 --> 00:14:53,824
No one had ever
done that before.
323
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,297
You know,
I like to think if you hadn't,
324
00:15:00,298 --> 00:15:03,433
You might actually
have been a garbage man.
325
00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:05,002
Rule number two,
326
00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:07,004
I don't want you
getting into any fights,
327
00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:08,539
Particularly with jack.
328
00:15:10,475 --> 00:15:11,876
Jack.
329
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,378
Yeah. I remember jack.
330
00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:16,480
I don't like jack.
331
00:15:16,481 --> 00:15:18,582
He had this thing
about being the best.
332
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:22,419
Always trying to top me.
333
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:24,454
I'd make the team,
he'd make the team.
334
00:15:24,455 --> 00:15:26,490
I set a record, he set a record.
335
00:15:26,491 --> 00:15:27,491
He passed a gallstone,
336
00:15:27,492 --> 00:15:29,459
I married you.
337
00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:33,931
We could never settle that tie.
338
00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:36,299
Jack and me split the school
right down the middle.
339
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,936
Half for him, half for me.
340
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,203
On graduation day,
341
00:15:40,204 --> 00:15:42,205
We were going to fight it out
in the schoolyard,
342
00:15:42,206 --> 00:15:44,307
Me and him,
till one of us dropped.
343
00:15:44,308 --> 00:15:47,310
Well, then, something happened.
344
00:15:47,311 --> 00:15:49,647
Yeah, I think
that something was eli
345
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:53,483
Betting you couldn't
jump over a mustang going 50.
346
00:15:53,484 --> 00:15:57,187
I was 2 inches
short of that, peg.
347
00:15:57,188 --> 00:15:59,456
If my toe had just
cleared that driver's nose,
348
00:15:59,457 --> 00:16:01,825
I'd have won
that $10 bet,
349
00:16:01,826 --> 00:16:03,694
And my fight with jack,
350
00:16:03,695 --> 00:16:05,596
And played college ball,
351
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:07,598
And married a debutante,
352
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:10,701
And been
rich and famous.
353
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:11,969
But everything
worked out just fine,
354
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:13,203
I got no complaints.
355
00:16:13,204 --> 00:16:15,072
Oh, god!
356
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,776
[band playing fun, festive song]
357
00:16:24,015 --> 00:16:26,784
♪ I say shotgun ♪
358
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:27,985
♪ bap bah ♪
359
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:31,121
♪ shoot 'em
now you're gonna ♪
360
00:16:31,122 --> 00:16:32,856
♪ bap bah ♪
361
00:16:32,857 --> 00:16:34,758
♪ do the jerk, baby ♪
362
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:37,160
♪ bap bah ♪
363
00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:39,496
♪ do the dirty dog ♪
364
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,300
♪ da da da do
do-whoo, do-whoo ♪
365
00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:45,202
♪ do do do do
doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
366
00:16:45,203 --> 00:16:47,204
♪ do do do do
doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
367
00:16:47,205 --> 00:16:49,139
♪ bap bah ♪
368
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:51,475
♪ do do do do
doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
369
00:16:53,845 --> 00:16:55,145
[sparse clapping]
370
00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,349
Can I take break now, daddy?
371
00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:05,555
Okay, al,
372
00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:07,190
Let's go over this
one more time.
373
00:17:07,191 --> 00:17:09,392
Now, what do you do
for a living?
374
00:17:09,393 --> 00:17:11,829
[flatly]
garbage man.
375
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,563
How often
do we make love?
376
00:17:13,564 --> 00:17:15,365
Five times a year.
377
00:17:15,366 --> 00:17:18,102
It's five times a week, al.
378
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:20,504
Oh, come on, peg,
no one's going to believe that.
379
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:25,208
I'm not asking you to do it.
Just say it.
380
00:17:25,209 --> 00:17:27,011
Okay, now,
how many children have we got?
381
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,679
None.
382
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,548
Okay, I think we're ready.
Let's go.
383
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:37,187
Oh, this is going
to be so much fun.
384
00:17:37,188 --> 00:17:38,221
I really love you, al,
385
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:41,125
For caring enough
to bring me.
386
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,425
Both: Peggy!
387
00:17:42,426 --> 00:17:43,627
Peggy wanker!
388
00:17:43,628 --> 00:17:44,828
Oh, there's the girls!
389
00:17:44,829 --> 00:17:45,696
Step aside, bozo.
390
00:17:47,365 --> 00:17:49,900
All:
Peggy! Peggy wanker!
391
00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:52,870
Oh, peggy, you look
exactly the same.
392
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:55,005
Hey, whatever happened
393
00:17:55,006 --> 00:17:56,974
To that good-looking
sex machine
394
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,342
You were
sporting around town?
395
00:17:59,343 --> 00:18:01,712
[clears throat]
396
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:05,282
You know,
todd fleming?
397
00:18:05,283 --> 00:18:07,084
Well, I thought
I could do better.
398
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:09,119
I was wrong.
399
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,722
This is my husband, al.
400
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:14,558
Al bundy.
Of course!
401
00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:17,027
Well, you look
the same too, al.
402
00:18:17,028 --> 00:18:19,763
What a shame.
403
00:18:19,764 --> 00:18:20,864
How's it going, edna?
404
00:18:20,865 --> 00:18:23,934
You don't look a day over 1000.
405
00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:25,703
How you do it?
406
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:26,837
Just ignore him,
407
00:18:26,838 --> 00:18:28,072
Much like success has.
408
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:31,341
So, everybody,
409
00:18:31,342 --> 00:18:33,343
Do I have your votes
for reunion queen?
410
00:18:33,344 --> 00:18:35,913
All:
Of course you do.
411
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:38,515
But you didn't have to call me
all the way in new mexico
412
00:18:38,516 --> 00:18:39,516
Just to ask.
413
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:40,918
That must
have cost you a fortune
414
00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:42,319
To call the entire senior class.
415
00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:47,357
$2000 phone bill this month.
416
00:18:47,358 --> 00:18:48,458
All: Ooh!
417
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:52,529
Oh, don't worry, sweetie.
418
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,498
That's just a drop in the bucket
compared to what you owe.
419
00:18:55,499 --> 00:18:57,634
Well, that's
no problem.
420
00:18:57,635 --> 00:18:59,469
Can I make anyone
here a license plate?
421
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:03,107
Well, I got
to go circulate,
422
00:19:03,108 --> 00:19:04,708
And I'm going
to see you girls later,
423
00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:06,509
And, peggy,
424
00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:09,479
You keep taking care
of that big lug.
425
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,862
Excuse me, ma'am.
I'd like to order a drink.
426
00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:27,998
Peggy?
427
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:31,301
Peggy wanker,
"don't bother to thank her"?
428
00:19:33,304 --> 00:19:34,738
Connie?
429
00:19:34,739 --> 00:19:36,273
Connie bender,
430
00:19:36,274 --> 00:19:38,842
"bring a friend
it won't offend her"?
431
00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:42,579
Hi.
432
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:43,580
Al.
433
00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:47,484
You are looking fantastic, al.
434
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:48,886
Do you remember me, al?
435
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:51,188
Yeah.
436
00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:53,657
Wow. What happened?
437
00:19:53,658 --> 00:19:55,959
No, I mean,
you look better standing up.
438
00:19:59,463 --> 00:20:01,731
He was always such a charmer.
439
00:20:01,732 --> 00:20:05,135
So, what are you doing
these days, al?
440
00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:07,604
He's a garbage man.
441
00:20:07,605 --> 00:20:09,173
And what about you,
connie?
442
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:10,174
Are you married
443
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,710
Or still working
your way west?
444
00:20:13,711 --> 00:20:16,213
Oh, I'm married.
445
00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:17,214
Honey.
446
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:18,081
[whistles]
447
00:20:19,984 --> 00:20:21,819
You remember jack,
don't you?
448
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,020
Peggy!
449
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,855
Jack!
450
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:28,325
Al.
451
00:20:29,694 --> 00:20:31,795
You're, uh...
452
00:20:32,797 --> 00:20:35,199
Looking good.
453
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,499
You too, jack.
454
00:20:41,605 --> 00:20:43,406
You want to go outside?
455
00:20:43,407 --> 00:20:45,408
You bet.
456
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,546
Now, now, boys,
this is a reunion.
457
00:20:49,547 --> 00:20:52,349
No need to pick up
exactly where we left off.
458
00:20:52,350 --> 00:20:53,717
If we did that,
459
00:20:53,718 --> 00:20:55,118
Connie would be
in the coat room
460
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:56,186
With the band.
461
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:01,424
Peggy,
did you hear the good news?
462
00:21:01,425 --> 00:21:03,260
I'm going to be reunion queen.
463
00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:05,128
Care to be my hag-in-waiting?
464
00:21:05,129 --> 00:21:08,031
Oh, no. You're wrong.
465
00:21:08,032 --> 00:21:10,033
Much as you're wrong
466
00:21:10,034 --> 00:21:12,069
In thinking that
women don't need deodorant.
467
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:18,408
You see, I'm going
to be reunion queen.
468
00:21:18,409 --> 00:21:19,642
Check your
numbers, baby.
469
00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:22,980
I am ahead
by a cool three votes.
470
00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:24,147
I should know.
471
00:21:24,148 --> 00:21:25,182
I called everywhere
472
00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:26,816
In the
english-speaking world.
473
00:21:26,817 --> 00:21:29,353
That was your mistake.
474
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:30,520
Well, that, and...
475
00:21:30,521 --> 00:21:32,122
That dress.
476
00:21:32,123 --> 00:21:32,990
Oh, sumo!
477
00:21:35,159 --> 00:21:36,426
You see, peggy,
478
00:21:36,427 --> 00:21:39,229
I think you forgot
our foreign exchange students.
479
00:21:39,230 --> 00:21:41,598
You remember the yohiro sisters?
480
00:21:41,599 --> 00:21:43,466
I flew them in from tokyo.
481
00:21:43,467 --> 00:21:46,803
By the way, sumo,
who will you be voting for?
482
00:21:46,804 --> 00:21:49,739
She who holds our passport.
483
00:21:54,612 --> 00:21:56,613
Tough luck, wanker.
484
00:21:56,614 --> 00:21:58,548
Now, look here, bender.
485
00:21:58,549 --> 00:22:01,385
I didn't spend $500
on this dress,
486
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:02,819
$2000 in phone calls,
487
00:22:02,820 --> 00:22:06,189
And $300 for these shoes
488
00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:07,624
To go home with this.
489
00:22:08,893 --> 00:22:10,127
I swear
490
00:22:10,128 --> 00:22:13,797
By the hairs
on your chinny-chin-chin,
491
00:22:13,798 --> 00:22:16,666
I will be queen of this reunion.
492
00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:19,336
Not when you're one vote short,
baby.
493
00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:40,958
[♪]
33416
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