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00:00:02,228 --> 00:00:03,335
[Classical music playing]
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,170
[Laughter]
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00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,080
Mayor Dilquez: Thank you
for being my plus-one.
4
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,842
My regular shaman is full-time
with Aaron Rodgers now.
5
00:00:10,085 --> 00:00:12,845
Do you have something
for public speaking?
6
00:00:13,088 --> 00:00:14,921
Shaman: Be careful.
7
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:17,683
Even a microdose of this could--
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00:00:17,926 --> 00:00:18,925
[Bottle breaks]
9
00:00:19,094 --> 00:00:20,019
Man: There he is--
10
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,354
our soon-to-be re-elected mayor.
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00:00:22,506 --> 00:00:25,340
Mayor Dilquez: Mr. and Mrs.
Volcanowitz, my top donors.
12
00:00:25,434 --> 00:00:27,509
You look wealthier than ever.
13
00:00:27,603 --> 00:00:29,528
Mr. Volcanowitz: Everyone is so
excited to help you defeat that
14
00:00:29,755 --> 00:00:32,347
talking goose running
against you, especially Mother.
15
00:00:32,591 --> 00:00:35,108
Mrs. Volcanowitz: Is it true
you're dropping a new diss track
16
00:00:35,261 --> 00:00:36,760
about the Goose tonight?
17
00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:39,872
Mayor Dilquez: Someone's been
reading "WorldstarPolitics."
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00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:43,283
Ha ha!
[Mr. Volcanowitz laughs]
19
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,785
Mayor Dilquez: See? I'm fine.
20
00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:49,439
[Series of different chords
and noises plays rapidly]
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00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:53,535
[Microphone feedback,
person coughs]
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00:00:53,629 --> 00:00:57,205
Mayor Dilquez: ♪ Yo, Goose,
is it true you go young? ♪
23
00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,642
♪ I heard that cryin' goslings
are the only way you'll-- ♪
24
00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:06,732
[Guests scream]
25
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:09,068
Mayor Dilquez:
Not a fan of hip-hop?
26
00:01:10,554 --> 00:01:12,145
[Theme music playing]
27
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♪
28
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[Crack]
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Martinez: And that is why
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the clown car limit is
now 30 people.
31
00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:37,579
Goodbye Bongo, Honko, Bazinko,
Winky, and Leonard.
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00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,415
May their hilarious souls
rest in peace.
33
00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:41,600
[Honk honk]
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00:01:41,844 --> 00:01:43,660
And, lastly, we have
a new detective
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joining the department today.
Any questions? No. Good.
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Dismissed.
[Flute, Summers, Wynona gasp]
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Flute: You can't drop
a bomb like that and leave.
38
00:01:48,925 --> 00:01:50,500
This isn't the bank across
the street's family bathroom.
39
00:01:50,519 --> 00:01:52,111
Who is it?
Martinez: Don't know.
40
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:53,837
Haven't met him.
Wynona: I hope he's hot.
41
00:01:53,856 --> 00:01:55,114
Summers: Yeah,
I hope he's super-hot.
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00:01:55,341 --> 00:01:56,448
[Chuckles weakly]
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Martinez: Well, as a favor,
the mayor asked
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if I would hire the son of his
top donor, the Volcanowitzes.
45
00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:03,347
Flute: The new guy is
a Volcanowitz?
46
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:04,514
Summers: A Volcano-whatz?
47
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:06,291
Wynona: The Volcanowitzes
are, like,
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00:02:06,518 --> 00:02:08,127
the richest people in Grimsburg.
They own the volcano.
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00:02:08,278 --> 00:02:09,536
Announcer: Do you have
large furniture
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00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,855
you no longer want? Volcano!
51
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Don't know what to do
with all those old rollerblades?
52
00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:16,301
Volcano!
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00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:18,137
Have a hard drive you claim
someone else filled
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00:02:18,288 --> 00:02:21,623
with a bunch of
"weird stuff"? Volcano!
55
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,866
♪
56
00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:25,293
Kang: All right.
That hot volcano is
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00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,371
why we have so many cold cases.
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00:02:27,464 --> 00:02:29,148
Criminals keep dumping
evidence in there, and they
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00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,724
refuse to do
anything to stop it,
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00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,543
not to mention the extremely
high number of suicides,
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00:02:33,712 --> 00:02:35,487
but that's God's problem.
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00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,472
Flute: Our problem is
some nepo-baby thinks he
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00:02:37,641 --> 00:02:39,641
can jump the line because
his parents are rich.
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00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,160
Wynona: As the youngest person
in the office,
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00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,828
I hate nepo-babies
because they're
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00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,646
taking my generation's jobs.
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00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:46,907
But as the poorest person
in the office, I would love
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00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:50,394
to marry into wealth,
so I gotta go change.
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00:02:50,412 --> 00:02:52,078
Martinez:
He's not just some noob.
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00:02:52,247 --> 00:02:54,989
I hear he has his own P.I.
business with a 100% solve rate.
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00:02:55,158 --> 00:02:57,751
Plus, the mayor has been
very good to us, so I feel
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00:02:57,994 --> 00:02:59,419
that we should give
his guy a shot.
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00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,571
Kang: And...?
Martinez: And he promised that
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00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:04,633
he'd make me commissioner.
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♪
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Flute: You hired
someone older than Kang?
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Man: Oh, no.
I work for the Volcanowitzes.
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00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,508
I'm here to drop him off.
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00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,176
Otis: Otis Volcanowitz--
kid detective
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reporting for duty.
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00:03:16,721 --> 00:03:19,756
What time is snack at,
and when do I get my gun?
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[Slurping]
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♪
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[Sneezes]
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[Sneezes, gasps]
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Woman: You're sick.
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00:03:32,771 --> 00:03:35,047
Harmony: I'm not the one
who steals my panties, Steve--
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00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:37,699
Ugh. Sorry, Marrissaa.
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00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:39,793
My ears are clogged
and you sounded like my stalker.
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[Sneezes]
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00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,129
Marrissaa: Aw,
you should go home and rest.
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00:03:43,282 --> 00:03:44,631
Harmony: I can't go home.
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00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,634
I'm covering the opening of
the new Lazer Drag arena,
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00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,562
and it's the first non-murder
story I've gotten in months.
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00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,639
Marrissaa: Ay, but if
you stick around, you might be
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00:03:52,808 --> 00:03:54,474
the murder story.
You don't want
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00:03:54,643 --> 00:03:56,384
to kill Immunocompromised Gabe
the weatherman.
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00:03:56,478 --> 00:03:59,404
Gabe: ...and a high of 67
means a beautiful day
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00:03:59,631 --> 00:04:03,984
for those of you who
aren't allergic to sunshine.
100
00:04:04,227 --> 00:04:07,562
Why do you hate me, God?
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00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:09,139
Harmony: Maybe you're right.
102
00:04:09,232 --> 00:04:11,416
Just promise me you
won't let anyone take my story.
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00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,235
Marrissaa:
Over my dead perfect body.
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00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:16,070
Harmony: Thanks.
You're a good friend.
105
00:04:16,239 --> 00:04:19,073
Oh, but don't eat the dip.
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00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:20,742
Otis: And once I realized
our gardener was
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00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,503
actually a top architect in
his home country, I deduced he
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00:04:23,672 --> 00:04:25,597
must have used the blueprints
from our house to sneak in.
109
00:04:25,824 --> 00:04:28,508
And that's how I solved
the case of the stolen lizard.
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00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,602
Now for the case of the
missing muffin, I'll tell you
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00:04:30,829 --> 00:04:32,771
our maid did it first
and then explain how I knew,
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"Poker Face" style.
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00:04:34,699 --> 00:04:36,108
Flute: Can't believe
this nepo-baby thinks he
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00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:37,834
can just buy his badge.
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00:04:37,853 --> 00:04:39,836
I mean, we all had to buy
our badges due to budget cuts,
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00:04:39,855 --> 00:04:41,505
but that was after we attended
the police academy,
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00:04:41,598 --> 00:04:43,340
passed a field test,
and trained our bodies
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00:04:43,358 --> 00:04:45,467
to digest pastrami
as a vegetable.
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00:04:45,527 --> 00:04:48,011
Wynona:
Welcome to the department,
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Officer Volcanowitz.
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00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,791
Kang: Wrong one.
Volcanowitz is the kid.
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00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,961
Wynona: So I put on this dead
debutante's dress for nothing?
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00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,537
Kang: You should be happy.
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00:04:57,706 --> 00:05:00,148
You're not the youngest person
working here anymore.
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00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:01,858
Wynona: Yeah,
but if I'm not the youngest...
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00:05:01,951 --> 00:05:03,451
then what am I?
127
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,362
Otis: You're trouble
with a capital T,
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00:05:05,531 --> 00:05:07,547
which I can write in cursive
if you give me lined paper.
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00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,791
Let me get your digits
in my super expensive SAT phone
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00:05:09,959 --> 00:05:11,977
my folks gave me
for my half-birthday.
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00:05:12,128 --> 00:05:13,645
Wynona: They bought you
a satellite phone?
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00:05:13,722 --> 00:05:15,814
Otis: They actually
bought me the company.
133
00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:17,541
[Wynona scoffs]
Otis: What's her story?
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00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:20,727
Summers: She's taken!
Taken dance lessons.
135
00:05:20,879 --> 00:05:23,380
Otis: I can tell.
Look at the legs on that one.
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00:05:23,549 --> 00:05:25,715
I could put my feet
on her feet and walk around
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00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,217
like Frankenstein for days.
138
00:05:27,386 --> 00:05:29,386
Kang:
Who touched the thermostat?
139
00:05:29,404 --> 00:05:30,996
Otis: It's freezing in here.
140
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,572
Maybe don't wear
a sleeping bag inside.
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00:05:32,741 --> 00:05:34,649
Martinez: Come on.
Let's go get you that gun.
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00:05:34,743 --> 00:05:36,835
Otis: I really need
one with a grenade launcher.
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00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:38,244
Thank you so much.
144
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,172
Flute, Kang, Wynona:
That kid has to go.
145
00:05:40,248 --> 00:05:42,065
Summers: That kid has to die.
146
00:05:42,084 --> 00:05:44,250
"Go." I said, "Go."
147
00:05:44,403 --> 00:05:46,086
♪
148
00:05:46,238 --> 00:05:47,737
[Thermometer beeps]
149
00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:50,164
Harmony: Ugh! You know,
you're the one who got me sick.
150
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:54,077
Why did you have to lick every
elevator button in the ICU?
151
00:05:54,246 --> 00:05:56,337
Stan: It wasn't my idea.
I was dared.
152
00:05:56,464 --> 00:05:59,507
Harmony: By who? Mr. Flesh?
Ohh. I have had enough.
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You need real friends,
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00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,920
so I signed you up
for the beach dirty-up today
155
00:06:04,013 --> 00:06:06,590
without your imaginary friend.
156
00:06:06,683 --> 00:06:08,141
Mr. Flesh: You blondster!
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00:06:08,293 --> 00:06:10,093
Stan: [Sighs] OK.
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00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:11,370
Harmony: Great. That's settled.
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00:06:11,597 --> 00:06:13,597
Mr. Flesh: It's fine.
I hate the beach anyway.
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00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:16,208
Everyone's so jelly
of my thigh gap.
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♪
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00:06:19,287 --> 00:06:20,379
Flute: We demand you fire Otis.
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00:06:20,622 --> 00:06:22,772
He keeps saying "Pew!"
when he pretends
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00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:23,940
to shoot his gun.
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00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:25,775
Everyone knows the right
noise is...Pow!
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00:06:25,944 --> 00:06:28,035
Pkkk, pkkk, pkkk, pkkk.
[Imitates richochet noise]
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00:06:28,113 --> 00:06:29,613
Martinez: No chance.
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00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:32,057
That little nepo-baby is
my ticket to the big time.
169
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,634
Too Captain Crunch-y
for the Commish?
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00:06:34,803 --> 00:06:36,620
I need a mirror.
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00:06:36,638 --> 00:06:39,731
Kang: Ugh. Picked the wrong day
to wear my under-puffer. Huh.
172
00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:41,808
Wynona: These snowflakes
are jeopardizing
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00:06:41,977 --> 00:06:43,309
everything we stand for.
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00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,477
I own a gun now?
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00:06:44,630 --> 00:06:46,129
Flute: Maybe she doesn't
have to fire him.
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00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:47,555
We just have to get him to quit.
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00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:50,316
Let's see how he handles
the case of the missing bedtime
178
00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:52,152
because we're gonna show him
179
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,804
the Grimsburg night shift.
180
00:06:54,973 --> 00:06:58,808
[Harmony blowing nose]
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00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,401
[Applause on TV]
182
00:07:00,495 --> 00:07:03,755
Man on TV: Welcome back to
four seated women and a man.
183
00:07:03,982 --> 00:07:06,499
Ladies, let's talk
about our weekends.
184
00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:08,818
Harmony: I like how
the four women are approachable,
185
00:07:08,912 --> 00:07:11,430
yet no-nonsense.
Mr. Flesh: Me, too.
186
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,339
And I like how the man
is nonthreatening
187
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,559
and has no power.
188
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,587
Harmony: Aah!
Mr. Flesh: Aah!
189
00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:21,440
[Soft thud on window]
Harmony: Not now, Stalker Steve!
190
00:07:21,591 --> 00:07:23,483
Stalker Steve:
Oh, I can come back.
191
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:32,767
♪
192
00:07:32,936 --> 00:07:35,028
Flute: Ready
for your training day, rook?
193
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,104
Otis: If you're trying
to scare me, don't bother.
194
00:07:37,199 --> 00:07:38,773
I've seen it all.
195
00:07:38,942 --> 00:07:40,608
My safe search
is set to "moderate."
196
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:42,185
Flute: Well, you're about to
grow up real fast
197
00:07:42,278 --> 00:07:43,611
on these here streets.
198
00:07:43,855 --> 00:07:45,188
What type of
diapers you wearing?
199
00:07:45,357 --> 00:07:46,781
Otis: [Scoffs] Yeah, right!
200
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,874
Flute:
Oh, you think I'm messing?
201
00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:49,450
Because I am messing.
202
00:07:49,544 --> 00:07:51,636
I'm Debra Messing,
and I'm about to grace my pants
203
00:07:51,863 --> 00:07:54,197
with a big ol' mess
from all the horrific things
204
00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,382
I see out here, front and back.
205
00:07:56,551 --> 00:07:57,642
[Otis laughs]
206
00:07:57,869 --> 00:07:59,703
[Brakes screech]
Flute: You think that's funny?
207
00:07:59,721 --> 00:08:02,222
Waddling home with a soggy bowl
of cereal in your undies,
208
00:08:02,465 --> 00:08:03,723
that's a laugh?
209
00:08:03,892 --> 00:08:05,558
Smelling like a poop peed
all over you, that's humorous?
210
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,802
Having so many logs in your
pants, the U.S. Forest Service
211
00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:10,396
just assigned you a Ranger?
That's a tap-back ha ha?
212
00:08:10,549 --> 00:08:13,216
Yeah, well, get all your laughs
out now, son,
213
00:08:13,218 --> 00:08:17,144
because tonight, you won't have
a single thing to laugh at.
214
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,905
Otis: I can handle that.
215
00:08:19,074 --> 00:08:21,074
I've seen "Bookie."
216
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,910
Harmony:
Aah! What the hell are you?
217
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:26,396
Mr. Flesh: Have you not seen
your son's countless drawings
218
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:30,066
of me mostly riding
well-endowed horses?
219
00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:31,993
I'm Mr. Flesh.
220
00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,254
Harmony: Uhh! No.
221
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:36,330
You're not real, not real.
[Light switch clicks]
222
00:08:36,499 --> 00:08:38,758
Mr. Flesh: Who still
plays apples to apples?
223
00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:40,334
[Harmony screams]
224
00:08:40,428 --> 00:08:43,263
Mr. Flesh: You never saw
the drawings of Seabaguette?
225
00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:45,248
Harmony: I'm fine.
This is just a hallucination
226
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:47,359
from drinking
Flute's special cough syrup.
227
00:08:47,586 --> 00:08:50,344
Marrissaa on TV:
I'm Marrissaa Marrimmbaa,
228
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:53,514
and join me later as I report
live from Grimsburg's
229
00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:56,034
very own Lazer Drag arena.
230
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,869
Mr. Flesh:
Hey! Isn't that your job?
231
00:08:58,096 --> 00:08:59,320
[Harmony growls]
232
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,706
Mr. Flesh:
Oh! You got Marrimmbaa-ed!
233
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,191
[Marimba music]
234
00:09:04,286 --> 00:09:06,119
[Mr. Flesh chuckles]
235
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,122
♪
236
00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:12,108
Kang: Wife just left him.
Refuses to negotiate.
237
00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:13,459
Not gonna end well.
238
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,962
Seems like the perfect job
for Otis.
239
00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:18,798
Otis: You think a guy
with a gun is scary?
240
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,950
Try memorizing
the 12 times table.
241
00:09:21,119 --> 00:09:22,635
Hi. I'm Otis.
242
00:09:22,788 --> 00:09:24,729
Man with gun: Get back
or I will blow his brains out!
243
00:09:24,956 --> 00:09:26,398
Otis: Why?
Man with gun: Why?!
244
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:28,808
Because my wife left me.
Otis: Why?
245
00:09:29,052 --> 00:09:31,236
Man with gun: 'Cause
she's tired of me or something.
246
00:09:31,463 --> 00:09:32,720
Otis: Why?
247
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:34,239
Man with gun: I guess I always
am out with my boys.
248
00:09:34,466 --> 00:09:35,815
Otis: Why?
249
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,801
Man with gun: Because I don't
know how to relate to women.
250
00:09:37,969 --> 00:09:39,302
Otis: Why?
Man with gun: You're right.
251
00:09:39,471 --> 00:09:42,581
I'm the problem.
I want to change. Uh!
252
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,325
Otis: That was easy.
What's next?
253
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:46,810
Wynona: Wow. That was kind of
impressive.
254
00:09:46,978 --> 00:09:48,328
Flute: What?
That's not detectiving.
255
00:09:48,496 --> 00:09:50,480
That's called being
an annoying kid.
256
00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:53,925
You can't solve a case
just by being a kid.
257
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,670
But you can solve a kid
just by being the case.
258
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,839
Summers: I love it when he says
the same thing
259
00:10:00,008 --> 00:10:01,415
but reverses the words.
260
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:03,101
I wish I could do that.
261
00:10:03,252 --> 00:10:06,938
But I could do wish
that I could can.
262
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,349
Nope. That's why he's the king.
263
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:10,667
[Owl hoots]
264
00:10:10,836 --> 00:10:12,335
Harmony:
How could Marrissaa take
265
00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,337
my one human interest story?
266
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,114
Mr. Flesh:
Especially with that accent.
267
00:10:16,265 --> 00:10:17,674
[Rolls Rs]
Her Rs...
268
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,117
are faker than her Ds.
269
00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:21,286
Harmony: Hey. That's my best
friend you're talking about.
270
00:10:21,513 --> 00:10:23,346
Mr. Flesh:
My bad. I'll back off.
271
00:10:23,515 --> 00:10:24,956
Harmony: No, I just needed
to say that
272
00:10:25,108 --> 00:10:27,350
to feel better about
trashing her. Carry on.
273
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:28,960
Mr. Flesh: I don't want to tell
you what to do.
274
00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:30,353
That's not my business.
275
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:33,873
But if I were you,
I'd get some revenge.
276
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,300
Harmony: What...
277
00:10:35,543 --> 00:10:37,193
are we waiting for?!
278
00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:38,862
Hell yeah, Fleshy.
Let's do this.
279
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,805
Mr. Flesh: [Gasps]
That was so easy.
280
00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:42,548
Bless you, Mark Harmony.
281
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,384
You are everything
I wish Stan was
282
00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:48,629
but with the haircut of a woman
who sells candles on Etsy.
283
00:10:48,723 --> 00:10:51,316
♪
284
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,393
Summers: What are we doing here?
285
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,636
Flute: I thought Otis
might show us around.
286
00:10:55,805 --> 00:10:59,824
♪
287
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,142
[Bell rings]
288
00:11:01,236 --> 00:11:04,329
♪
289
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,072
Otis: I've actually
never been here before.
290
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,481
My parents say
it's too dangerous.
291
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,150
Flute: More dangerous
than your home?
292
00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:10,818
Think of all those
crimes you solved.
293
00:11:10,912 --> 00:11:13,396
Say, tell me about the case
of the missing lizard again.
294
00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:15,507
Otis: Well, I knew Ernest
the gardener had stolen it
295
00:11:15,734 --> 00:11:19,252
when--Ernest?
Ernest: Heh heh. Mister Otis?
296
00:11:19,404 --> 00:11:21,346
Otis: Sandy the maid?
Jed the driver?
297
00:11:21,497 --> 00:11:24,015
Masseusy the masseuse?
What is this?
298
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,167
Flute: This is something even
your parents couldn't afford
299
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:27,911
to give you--the hard truth.
300
00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,579
All those cases you solved,
301
00:11:29,597 --> 00:11:31,597
they were all fake,
paid for by your daddy
302
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:34,250
so his little boy could feel
like a big detective.
303
00:11:34,343 --> 00:11:35,860
Then he shipped them off
to cushier jobs here
304
00:11:36,087 --> 00:11:37,270
to keep 'em quiet.
305
00:11:37,439 --> 00:11:39,030
But, of course,
you never suspected a thing.
306
00:11:39,216 --> 00:11:40,773
And why would you?
You're not a real detective.
307
00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:43,927
You're just a bank account
with a badge.
308
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:46,596
Otis: I thought maybe I'd found
my niche, and I could spend
309
00:11:46,614 --> 00:11:48,448
the rest of my life
cashing in on it,
310
00:11:48,616 --> 00:11:51,617
like Lin Manuel Miranda
and fast rhythmic talking,
311
00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:55,288
[Voice breaks]
but I guess it was all a lie.
312
00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:57,607
Flute: Wow.
I guess we really just
313
00:11:57,625 --> 00:12:00,944
did crush a kid's dream good!
Wynona: Yes!
314
00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:02,628
Summers: All right!
Kang: We beat a rich kid.
315
00:12:02,781 --> 00:12:04,556
That's pretty much all
you can hope for in this life.
316
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,391
Wynona: Looks like I'm
the youngest again.
317
00:12:06,618 --> 00:12:08,618
Damn. Why did
I throw out my vape?
318
00:12:08,787 --> 00:12:10,787
Flute: That'll teach him to
have any passions whatsoever.
319
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,288
Idiot. Where is he?
320
00:12:12,307 --> 00:12:14,048
I want to call him
an idiot to his face.
321
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,141
Look at him up there.
322
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,809
[As Otis]
"Boo-hoo!
323
00:12:16,978 --> 00:12:19,145
"I just found out
I'm a useless nepo-baby.
324
00:12:19,297 --> 00:12:21,614
Maybe I should kill myself."
325
00:12:23,134 --> 00:12:25,151
[All gasp]
326
00:12:25,303 --> 00:12:26,393
[Imitating Otis]
"This wasn't Flute's fault."
327
00:12:26,638 --> 00:12:28,455
[Regular voice]
You guys heard him.
328
00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:36,813
Flute: Otis! Hold on. I'm...
329
00:12:36,831 --> 00:12:38,648
coming.
330
00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:41,000
God, it's me--Marvin.
331
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,761
I know we only talk
when I want to stop vomiting
332
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,929
off the side of my bed,
but I need you.
333
00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,413
I may have played a small role
334
00:12:46,491 --> 00:12:47,840
in a rich kid
committing suicide.
335
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,100
A little help?
336
00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:50,602
Is that pigeon a sign?
337
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,270
Do you want me
to go in the lava?
338
00:12:52,497 --> 00:12:54,180
Do you want me dead, God?
Well, now you're dead to me.
339
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,333
I'm going all in on science.
340
00:12:57,426 --> 00:13:00,612
Neil deGrasse Tyson!
The bird is fine.
341
00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,763
Farewell, my fond friends
who were always there for me
342
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:04,357
no matter what.
343
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,118
Wynona: We blame it on Flute.
This was his whole nepo agenda.
344
00:13:07,345 --> 00:13:09,846
Kang: Yeah, yeah, that's good.
We all say that.
345
00:13:10,015 --> 00:13:12,123
[Flute shouts]
346
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,867
Wynona: OK.
We pin it on Martinez.
347
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,629
Kang: Yeah, yeah, that's good.
We all say that.
348
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,466
Flute: Whew. Aah!
349
00:13:21,693 --> 00:13:31,384
♪
350
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:33,703
[Hair dryers whirring]
351
00:13:33,796 --> 00:13:55,583
♪
352
00:13:58,229 --> 00:13:59,504
Flute:
You knew this was down here?
353
00:13:59,731 --> 00:14:02,323
Otis: No, but I had a hunch.
It didn't smell sulfur-y
354
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:04,992
like the other volcano
we own in Hawaii or Japan,
355
00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:06,736
so I jumped in to investigate.
356
00:14:06,829 --> 00:14:08,513
Flute: That's a solid piece
of detective work.
357
00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:11,516
Privileged but solid.
But why have a fake volcano?
358
00:14:11,743 --> 00:14:14,077
Otis: Because they're
secretly reselling the junk
359
00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:15,687
people throw in here for profit.
360
00:14:15,914 --> 00:14:17,263
And those workers are
actually people
361
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,690
who tried to commit suicide,
362
00:14:18,917 --> 00:14:21,008
but now they're being
held captive as slave labor.
363
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:23,194
Flute: OK, OK. Now you're just
showing off,
364
00:14:23,346 --> 00:14:24,937
and nobody likes that
in a detective...
365
00:14:25,106 --> 00:14:26,272
I've been told.
366
00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:29,125
Look. There's that guy
who dropped you off.
367
00:14:29,127 --> 00:14:31,185
Otis: Mr. Unger!
[Flute gasps]
368
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:32,686
Otis: I never trusted him.
369
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,614
We have to get out of here
and tell my parents.
370
00:14:34,766 --> 00:14:36,357
They can fix anything.
371
00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:38,376
Flute: There are armed guards at
every door. We'll never get out.
372
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,103
Otis: You didn't give up when
the chocolate factory killer
373
00:14:40,196 --> 00:14:41,880
had you trapped.
374
00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:44,198
Flute: Yeah, well, now I have to
run the entire factory, so--
375
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:45,958
Wait. How did you know that?
376
00:14:46,127 --> 00:14:47,368
Otis: You're my hero.
377
00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,112
I have your posters
all over my room
378
00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:50,388
and your action figures, too.
379
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,298
Flute:
I don't have any action figures.
380
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,893
Otis: I just took
my John Wick and melted it...
381
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,394
for a long while.
382
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,396
Flute: Well, to get out of here,
we would need
383
00:14:58,623 --> 00:15:02,308
a John Wick arsenal
of firepower. That's it!
384
00:15:02,477 --> 00:15:04,569
[Whispering]
385
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:06,387
Otis: You're not
saying anything.
386
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,739
Flute: Do you really think
detectives
387
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:09,982
are saying something
when they do this?
388
00:15:10,135 --> 00:15:12,652
[Dance music]
389
00:15:12,804 --> 00:15:15,747
Laser tag player: Cover me,
honey. I'm going in.
390
00:15:15,898 --> 00:15:18,082
[Buzzer sounds twice]
391
00:15:18,234 --> 00:15:19,566
[Buzzer sounds]
Really?
392
00:15:19,735 --> 00:15:22,569
Announcer: Ooh, player 3,
you been hit, girl.
393
00:15:22,664 --> 00:15:26,740
Player 3: Well, I got to
sashay away. Agh!
394
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,259
[Air horn blows]
395
00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:30,411
Marrissaa: Set your phasers
to tuck because we'll have
396
00:15:30,505 --> 00:15:33,506
so much more from
Lazer Drag after the break.
397
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,615
♪
398
00:15:34,676 --> 00:15:36,750
[Harmony growling softly]
399
00:15:36,919 --> 00:15:38,661
[Marrissaa laughs]
400
00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:40,921
Mr. Flesh: OK, here's the plan:
Let's start a rumor
401
00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:42,348
that she's QAnon.
402
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:44,834
Ooh! Even better!
We out her for attending
403
00:15:45,003 --> 00:15:47,503
one of Louis C.K.'s
first shows back!
404
00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:51,007
I'm sorry.
Uh, does that say "anthrax"?
405
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,692
Harmony: Yeah. I did a story
on the dark web
406
00:15:52,844 --> 00:15:56,437
opening up a brick and mortar,
and it was in the gift bag.
407
00:15:56,531 --> 00:15:59,198
Mr. Flesh: You're not
trying to kill her, are you?
408
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:00,850
Harmony: No. Of course not!
409
00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:03,536
I just want to paralyze her
enough, so that the only thing
410
00:16:03,688 --> 00:16:06,447
she can do is write a very
short nurse-assisted memoir.
411
00:16:06,541 --> 00:16:08,132
Mr. Flesh: Um, this is
starting to feel less like
412
00:16:08,359 --> 00:16:09,467
some good-natured revenge
413
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,560
and more like
a straight up Lifetime movie.
414
00:16:11,696 --> 00:16:14,363
Harmony: Jeez. Where did
the fun Mr. Flesh go,
415
00:16:14,382 --> 00:16:17,291
the guy who makes my son
do all those terrible things?
416
00:16:17,385 --> 00:16:20,536
Mr. Flesh: I'm chaos,
not darkness, baby.
417
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:22,629
I may give him a Costco sample
of anarchy,
418
00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:24,631
but Stan's decisions
are his own.
419
00:16:24,876 --> 00:16:26,317
Harmony: What are you saying,
this is my idea?
420
00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:28,969
Mr. Flesh:
Look in the disco ball, honey.
421
00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:30,563
[Harmony gasps]
422
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,566
Mr. Flesh: At least in here,
it looks like a creative choice.
423
00:16:33,735 --> 00:16:36,494
Harmony: So you're saying
maybe I should be OK
424
00:16:36,645 --> 00:16:40,832
reporting on psychos
because I kind of am one.
425
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,775
Wow. You're good.
426
00:16:42,927 --> 00:16:47,839
Mr. Flesh: Yep! This is exactly
how I intended this to go.
427
00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:49,415
[Buzzer sounds, player groans]
428
00:16:49,492 --> 00:16:52,176
Marrissaa: We're only
three broken ankles in--
429
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,903
Cameraman: Oh, my gosh!
She's hurt.
430
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,346
Is anyone here a reporter?
431
00:16:55,573 --> 00:17:00,259
Mr. Flesh: Tie up your bathrobe
and get out there.
432
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,428
Harmony: While it may just
look like a fun night out,
433
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:06,082
Lazer Drag is also an important
lesson in sisterhood
434
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,751
that teaches us it's way
more fun to shoot each other
435
00:17:08,844 --> 00:17:11,921
in the face than it is
to stab each other in the back.
436
00:17:11,939 --> 00:17:14,106
I'm Harmony Flute.
And now the weather.
437
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,260
Take it away,
Immunocompromised Gabe.
438
00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:18,778
Oh, no. Really?
439
00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:24,024
♪
440
00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:29,547
[Both whistle]
441
00:17:29,774 --> 00:17:31,290
Man: Detective Flute!
442
00:17:31,442 --> 00:17:33,217
Are you here to set us free
so that we
443
00:17:33,403 --> 00:17:35,035
can finally kill ourselves?
444
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,612
Flute: Wow. That's...dark.
445
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,039
When criminals throw evidence
in the volcano,
446
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:40,725
where do they put it?
447
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:44,562
♪
448
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,065
[Alarm sounds, Flute whistles]
449
00:17:47,292 --> 00:17:49,292
♪
450
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,903
Flute:
Looks like all our cold cases
451
00:17:52,054 --> 00:17:54,072
just got a lot warmer.
452
00:17:54,299 --> 00:17:58,134
♪
453
00:17:58,303 --> 00:18:00,578
[Rifles are armed]
454
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,705
♪
455
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:06,309
Man: If I turned you in,
they promised
456
00:18:06,477 --> 00:18:07,585
they'd let me off myself.
457
00:18:07,736 --> 00:18:09,253
Flute: Gotta hand it to 'em.
458
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,280
They really know how
to incentivize their employees.
459
00:18:11,482 --> 00:18:12,590
♪
460
00:18:12,817 --> 00:18:14,425
Harmony:
Who knew getting revenge
461
00:18:14,652 --> 00:18:16,485
with my son's imaginary skeleton
friend could be so much fun?
462
00:18:16,654 --> 00:18:18,295
Mr. Flesh: And who knew
middle-aged mothers are
463
00:18:18,522 --> 00:18:21,173
even more psychotic
than their preteen kids?
464
00:18:21,326 --> 00:18:24,418
[Both laugh, then sigh]
465
00:18:24,662 --> 00:18:27,105
Harmony: The cough syrup
must be wearing off.
466
00:18:27,332 --> 00:18:28,831
You're getting fuzzier
467
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,924
than a non-molestation-involved
camp memory.
468
00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:32,777
Will I ever see you again?
469
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:37,639
Mr. Flesh: I'm always a tiny
plastic cup of dark syrup away.
470
00:18:37,842 --> 00:18:38,858
♪
471
00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:39,859
[Door opens]
472
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,435
Stan: Sorry, Mom.
473
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,529
I tried to make new friends
like you wanted me to,
474
00:18:43,698 --> 00:18:44,864
but they were kind of mean.
475
00:18:45,032 --> 00:18:47,458
Harmony: That's OK.
You still have Mr. Flesh.
476
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,960
Stan: Wait. You mean it?
477
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,462
Harmony: I'd rather you have
a fake friend that's real
478
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,039
than a real friend
that's fake. Go on.
479
00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:56,709
He's over...
[Wind gusts]
480
00:18:56,861 --> 00:18:57,969
there?
481
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,045
Mr. Flesh: Did you hear that,
Stand Your Ground?
482
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,365
Our love isn't
forbidden anymore.
483
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:05,292
Now let's go to the drugstore
and put faint lines
484
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:07,979
on the home pregnancy tests
to celebrate.
485
00:19:10,224 --> 00:19:13,893
♪
486
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:17,046
Otis: Ow! Mr. Unger,
when my parents find out
487
00:19:17,215 --> 00:19:19,139
what you're up to, it's over.
488
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,883
Screen time, gone.
489
00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:23,661
Mr. Unger: Oh, by all means,
tell them.
490
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,664
♪
491
00:19:26,891 --> 00:19:30,409
Otis: Mr. and Mrs. Mom and Dad?
You knew about this?
492
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,503
Mr. Volcanowitz: Where do you
think all of our money
493
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,321
comes from?
It's the perfect business model:
494
00:19:34,415 --> 00:19:36,841
free merchandise, free labor,
and free shipping...
495
00:19:37,068 --> 00:19:38,918
on orders of $150 or more,
496
00:19:39,086 --> 00:19:41,253
and it'll all be yours one day.
497
00:19:41,406 --> 00:19:43,163
Otis: But you said I could be
a detective.
498
00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:44,924
Mrs. Volcanowitz:
Please! You're rich.
499
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,258
You can't be a poor,
gross police person.
500
00:19:46,502 --> 00:19:48,186
Flute:
That's where you're wrong.
501
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:49,929
This kid is a born detective,
and I should know.
502
00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:51,263
I was born one, too.
503
00:19:51,507 --> 00:19:53,582
My father was on the force
and my grandfather
504
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:56,569
and his fath--Oh, my God.
Am I a nepo-baby?
505
00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:59,012
Otis: Sorry, Flute,
but I can't risk it.
506
00:19:59,181 --> 00:20:01,699
Take him back down there.
Flute: Otis? No!
507
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,275
Otis: You know too much,
508
00:20:03,444 --> 00:20:05,611
and nothing is more important
than very wealthy family.
509
00:20:05,763 --> 00:20:07,279
Mr. Volcanowitz: It's true.
510
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,931
We can't have you out there
knowing about
511
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,857
the human trafficking,
indentured servitude,
512
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:15,379
conspiracy to impersonate
a volcano--
513
00:20:15,606 --> 00:20:17,215
Kang: Freeze.
You're under arrest.
514
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:18,774
Flute: How did you know
we were in here?
515
00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:20,943
Mr. Volcanowitz on recording:
...human trafficking,
516
00:20:21,112 --> 00:20:22,220
indentured servitude,
517
00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:24,447
conspiracy to impersonate
a volcano.
518
00:20:24,615 --> 00:20:26,724
Mrs. Volcanowitz: Otis,
you're making a huge mistake.
519
00:20:26,951 --> 00:20:28,467
You can kiss easy street
good-bye,
520
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,136
and I mean the actual street
we left you in our will.
521
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,805
You'll never get
another dollar from us.
522
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,565
Flute: Don't worry, kid.
You'll be fine.
523
00:20:34,717 --> 00:20:36,550
You can make some decent coin
at Grimsburg PD.
524
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,644
I mean, don't get divorced
or have a kid
525
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,239
or develop a crippling addiction
to daily fantasy sports.
526
00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:43,315
Who are the Sparks
playing tonight?
527
00:20:43,484 --> 00:20:46,059
Otis: Are you saying that
I can have my badge back?
528
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,470
Flute: You sure can, kid.
529
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,896
Kang: Yeah, it's really not
your job to decide that.
530
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,499
Flute: You sure can.
531
00:20:56,147 --> 00:20:57,663
Flute: Talk about a crazy day.
532
00:20:57,832 --> 00:21:00,758
I experienced all three of
my emotions, including horny.
533
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,285
Kang: And I reset
the thermostat back to 62.
534
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,837
Ahh.
535
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,265
Wynona: And I've accepted
that I'm the second youngest.
536
00:21:07,492 --> 00:21:09,550
It's like being
the middle child of the office,
537
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,103
not that anyone's paying
attention to me anymore. Hmph!
538
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:14,497
Otis: And I've got a ton
of paperwork to do
539
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,940
on these cold cases.
540
00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:18,167
I solved 143 murders today.
541
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:19,277
That makes me
542
00:21:19,504 --> 00:21:20,927
number one on the leaderboard.
543
00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:22,171
Flute: Hold on.
544
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,506
We both found that volcano.
545
00:21:23,599 --> 00:21:25,190
Martinez: Technically,
Otis found it first.
546
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,784
Flute:
How dare you take his side!
547
00:21:27,011 --> 00:21:28,861
Do you know who my father is?
[Yells]
548
00:21:29,030 --> 00:21:30,645
[Boxes and contents thud]
549
00:21:30,848 --> 00:21:33,349
♪
550
00:21:33,367 --> 00:21:34,583
Person: Bento.
[Cheering]
41732
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