Original subtitles

Dear Jack,

I've been married for only 9 months...and...

Sadly it feels like the honeymoon is already over.

What began as a very healthy and...

very exciting sexual relationship...

has evolved into a more platonic friendship.

This isn't something I thought could happen to us.

But I'm worried my husband no longer finds me attractive.

In his defense he does work long hours in a law firm.

And when he gets home at night he barely has time to hug me..

...before his head hits the pillow and he's asleep.

I'm a stay at home wife so I don't experience that same draining feeling.

But I'm not sure what I can to do make things better.

I love him and...

I don't want to accept that once you get married...

the honeymoon is over.

Regards, Frustrated in Phoenix.

Dear Frustrated in Phoenix,

Lots of couples experience lulls in their sex lives.

That doesn't mean the love isn't still there.

And it doesn't mean he no longer finds you attractive.

Perhaps one of the reasons your husband works such long hours...

is to provide you with the life he thinks you deserve.

Perhaps its his way of showing how much he loves you.

What I suggest you do...

rather than assume this rut is the end...

of your sexual road together.

that you look at it as a potential for a new beginning.

What better way to express your gratitude to your husband...

for being such a great provider than...

to amp up your sex life!

Given that he comes home exhausted...

Why not turn on the romance in the morning when he's getting ready.

The only thing sexier to a man than morning sex...

is a woman initiating morning sex.

I can almost guarantee you positive results.

Good Luck!

You're such a tease!

Definitely!

Baby I'm coming!

Mail...mock up of this week's column...

Morning coffee and...

mysterious bouquet of flowers.

Don't worry, it's not from one of your girlfriends. It's one of your readers.

Apparently, your words of wisdom really helped out her relationship.

Yeah, because flowers are the best way to thank a man for all he's done!

Well she did thank her husband...

that's what matters.

This is coming from a woman with marital sex problems?

Isn't that every married couple?

You are such a pessimist!

I'm a realist.

It's amazing how you fool everyone into thinking you are a romantic.

I am a romantic.

What was that for?

What?

Eye brow raising.

Nothing.

You don't think I'm a romantic?

Yeaaahhhh....NO.

Not really.

Romantics don't hire interns just because they run out of women in the office to sleep with.

You're right.

Really looking forward to your party tonight.

She hates me doesn't she? Why does she hate me?

What did I do?

I think you're trying too hard dude.

Is it that obvious?

Yeah.

I just get so nervous around her.

She is the perfect woman!

She's smart, funny, sexy.

Beautiful!

You going to her party tonight?

No.

What do you mean "NO"? I was supposed to go with you.

Why don't you go with one of those guys from the obituary sections?

I'm sure they don't have dates.

Yeah, but I'm supposed to go with you!

You're the only one in the office she can even stand!

That's because she works for me.

Please, please please! Why aren't you going?

Because Abby wanted to go.

It's been a few months since she quit.

She really misses you guys.

So I told her I wouldn't go.

Yeah, but you guys live together.

You see each other every day. Why is going to a party such a big deal?

She's going to think I'm going to try and be a cock-block.

She still likes you.

No. She doesn't.

Man, I was really looking forward to going to this party.

Then go man.

I can't without you she won't even talk with me.

I must tell you bro..

OK.

What if I call her And ask if you can go to the party?

No.

alright.

Dear Jack,

What do you do when you're in love with someone...

who barely even knows you exist.

Love, Invisible in Sacramento.

Dear Invisible in Sacramento,

My question for you would be...

why you even want someone who..

barely knows you exist.

If that person can't see you for ...

who you are and all that you are...

then they're probably not the best match for you.

Sometimes when you stop focusing on the person in...

all wrong for you.

A door will open and you'll find someone there.

Exactly right for you.

Hi, I'm here to pick up Abby.

Abby? Yea, Abby Summers.

You got the wrong house

I do?

Mmm...that's weird.

This is 4319 Erwin Street, right?

Yes.

So that's the address she gave me.

Mmmm.

Looks like she gave you the wrong address man.

I'm sorry.

I doubt that.

Look, I'm telling you, no Abby lives here.

I'm sorry.

Enrique?

Abby...Hi!

Your roommate is messing with me.

Oh, the old she doesn't live here game.

Yeah, he does that.

It's the asshole in him.

Hi, Hi.

mmmmm

You look incredible.

Thank you, you're not so bad yourself.

I clean up nicely.

Yeah, I see that.

You, you are just....

You are stunning!

Really stunning!

Thank you.

Well, I'm going to grab my purse and be right out.

OK.

Please tell me you're not buying those lines.

Buying what?

Those lines he used on you.

What lines?

You're stunning...really stunning.

You know Jack, maybe he thought I really was stunning.

Maybe it just wasn't some line.

Oh, those were lines.

And the sad thing about it its.

You believed him.

Not every guy in the entire world is an asshole, Jack.

Yeah, but he could be a serial killer.

He's not a serial killer.

Matching couples.

Purple. How cute.

Where did you meet this guy?

Hot yoga, what do you care?

Hot yoga?

yeah.

You like flexible guys, huh?

Mmm-huh.

Let me guess how this all went down.

So you're dripping sweat.

all over your yoga mat.

You're wearing skin-tight spandex.

You're doing that thing where you hook your ankles behind your neck.

So he slides over.

He thinks of you as this really nice girl he'd just like to get to know.

What happened to meeting guys the old fashioned way, like at a bar?

I met you at a bar!

And look how that turned out!

Now move!

You know its amazing...

You're supposed to be this expert on women.

And yet you're an asshole 99% of the time.

Yeah. But it's that 1% that keeps you coming back for more.

Good night, Jack.

You did say you weren't coming right?

Trust me.

As much as I'd like to see this entire thing go up in flames.

I'd be perfectly happy staying at home.

Good. Don't wait up.

yes.

Let's go.

Hey Mark.

You still up for Kim's party?

Wow! Did you really swim the entire English Channel?

Yes.

How long did that take you?

About 7 hours.

So you swam the entire English Channel in 7 hours?

yes.

And the world record is just under 7 hours.

Wow! So you almost beat the record.

Yes.

That is so cool!

Thanks.

How long did it take you to train?

A few weeks.

Oh my god! You are a man of steel!

A few weeks! That's such a short time.

How did you do it?

I have always been naturally athletic.

Oh! Oh!

I'm going to call you iron man.

Iron man!

I like that.

I'm going to grab some soda.

Would either of you ladies like something to drink?

A vodka on the rocks would be perfect.

And for you?

I'm good unless they can make me "sex on the beach" or something.

Will do.

He is delicious!

Where did you find him?

We met in yoga class.

Oh. Have you guys fucked yet?

Rachel!

What?

It's our first date.

So what are you waiting for?

I just don't want to make the same mistake I did before?

You wound up getting engaged to the last guy you did that with.

Yeah. The last guy I did that with was Jack.

So...no thank you.

I think it's time for a different approach.

Look. You have got to let a guy know when you like him.

He is too yummy!

You cannot let a guy like that get out of your sight.

I don't think he's like that.

From what I know about him, he's really sweet.

He's so respectful. He's really into monogamy

everything that Jack isn't?

Jack was monogamous with me.

He just has commitment issues.

Yeah.

Speak of the devil.

Are you serious?

He came!

He told me he wasn't coming.

Looks like he already did.

Oh my god.

Are you going to go talk to him?

Of course I am.

Alright well look.

If I don't catch up with you, it was really great seeing you.

You look fantastic!

And if you ever wanna come back and cover another wedding story with me..

in the paper, we would love to have you.

All of us miss you so much.

Oh thanks.

I'm not so sure weddings is where my life or my career is going.

You never know.

By hon.

Abby.

What's going on?

You know exactly what's going on

Abby.

I want you to meet the newest intern at the paper.

Katelyn.

Katelyn. Hi Katelyn.

I'm going to still this guy from you.

Just a second.

Sure.

You did not seriously follow me here.

So where's the douche?

Enrique is getting me a drink.

What are you doing here?

Abby.

Just in case you forgot...

This party is being thrown for people working at MY company.

A company that you no longer work for.

So me, being here...

is not completely unheard of.

You said you weren't coming.

Well now.

I never promised you I wasn't coming.

I just said I probably wouldn't.

But I changed my mind.

You're unbelievable you know that?

Any chance I might have of being happy with someone else...

you try and ruin it.

You've been doing it with every single guy since we broke up.

How am I trying to ruin anything?

I wasn't even talking to you.

I was standing there having a perfectly enjoyable evening with Karen.

Katelyn!

Whatever!

I was standing there having a perfectly enjoyable evening

with Katelyn. Until you walked up.

You're the one that's creating problems.

Not me!

OK. Seriously Jack?

You have to stop doing this.

This has to end.

What do you mean this?

This. This thing between you and me.

We've been in this volatile thing ever since we brook up.

And I think the reason things keep resurfacing...

...is because we are still living together.

Nobody does that!

When you break up you move out.

You don't stay under the same roof.

What do you want me to say?

Sell me your share of the house.

I don't even care if its above market value.

I just want you out of there.

Why would I do that?

We've been over this 8000 times, Jack.

At some point you're going to have to give in.

At some point, I'm going to meet an amazing guy.

And I'm going to want him to move in.

And I can't do that with you living there.

This isn't Threes Company!

Trust me. Nothing with that guy...

...could ever be amazing.

Nothing in my life will ever be amazing as long as you are in it.

Well I'm not moving out.

Fine.

If you won't then I will.

You're going to sell me your half?

What choice do I have?

I mean, I love that house.

But I don't love that house with you in it.

So if you're going to be an asshole about it...

...then I have no other choice.

You seriously want to move out?

I seriously just want to move on.

So you really swam the entire English Channel in just 7 hours?

I did!

Oh my god, you must have incredible endurance!

I have been told.

Prove it!

Where is Abby?

She's in a heated conversation with here ex-boyfriend.

Trust me. When he's around...

...no one else exists.

She won't even know we're gone.

Come on.

But...

You know what Jack, I can't have this conversation with you.

Either sell me your share of the house, or I'm moving out and selling you mine.

Lets stop going back and forth on this.

I can't live under the same roof as you anymore.

What are you doing?

I spilt wine on my shirt.

So you took your shirt off in the middle of the party?

Bad idea?

Bad idea!

You know what, I'm sure Kim has a shirt you can borrow.

I've left Enrique alone enough.

Goodnight boys.

I really have to go pee.

Eh!

We were just talking.

Abby, wait please!

Where are you going?

I'm going home.

Can you give me a ride?

What happened to Mr. Douche?

Turns out...he's a douche.

Don't gloat about being right.

It still sucks that you're right.

Alright. No gloating.

Come on Mark.

Time to go home.

If you came up here to say "I told you so", you can leave.

I already told you.

I'm not going to say that

You OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It was only one date.

Plus if he hooks up with girls like Rachael...

It says volumes about him.

Hey, even I hooked up with Rachael.

Case in point.

Touche'

I mean, why am I such an asshole magnet?

Dunno.

You're an asshole. Dunno.

You're an asshole.

Why did you date me?

I dated you because...

you're beautiful...

you're smart...

you're funny...

you're creative...

You smell incredible...

you're sweet...

you're sexy and...

And?

I think I said enough.

Do you think I'll ever meet a nice guy to settle down with?

I certainly hope not.

Hi!

Hey Mark.

I know. I'm going to drive you home in just a second.

Oh its OK. I was just seeing if you guys wanted a nice glass of milk.

Oh, no thank you.

I'll be right down.

No problem.

You know I can just always stay on the sofa.

NO!

It's OK. I'll really be right down.

in a second.

OK.

Good night Abby.

Good night Mark.

You know what's funny?

Now, he's a nice guy.

Don't say that. I'll stay single forever.

Try to get some sleep.

you know what I'm going to do?

I'm not going to let this bring me down.

Tomorrow, I'm going to get right back on the saddle and start dating again.

Everyone!

You got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.

There's a guy out there for me.

And not a crazy...

milkman, like the guy downstairs.

But a nice...smart...

...solid guy.

Dear Jack,

Do you think its possible to be friends with an ex?

Or is that relationship doomed...

to always being complicated?

Sincerely, An Ex-Girlfriend in Chicago.

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

I'd be lying if I said relationships with ex's can be easy.

But I think that in time they can be possible.

The first step is asking yourself if you're really ready...

to be friends.

Next,

You need to accept the fact that relationship is actually over...

and recognize that if you two were really meant to be together...

...you would still be together.

Just make sure before you go down that road...

that you heart is fully healed...

and that you are really over your ex.

If you are still holding onto hope...

or if you are still completely in love with him...

you might find yourself doing really irrational and stupid things.

Also understand that when you are friends with an ex...

one day they might meet someone else.

And you won't be that special person in their life anymore.

And are you really ready to accept you role in the world?

Mail.

Mock up of today's column.

Morning coffee.

No flowers.

What happened to you?

nothing. Why?

Well, you look like shit.

You're hungover.

And its Friday.

She met someone, didn't she?

Who?

You know who I'm talking about.

Am I right? Yeah.

And the worst part about it...

He's a nice guy.

Well it was bound to happen sooner or later.

So are you going to move out?

Why would I do that?

Because Jack, it's the right thing to do.

I know.

I'm here if you need anything. OK?

Is that my shirt?

It is.

It looks....nice on you.

Did you see that?

She liked the shirt...

On me.

She did?

Suddenly I feel hopeful.

Good.

Suddenly I feel like I might have a shot at her.

You might.

You know, thanks for all your support. You've always been there for me.

Good night, Kim.

Have a good weekend.

You too, Jack.

I'll try.

You know what I'm sick of?

You scared me.

Sorry, but its important.

OK. Sorry, but its important.

OK.

What are you sick of?

I'm sick of pretending...

like something's OK when its not.

and instead he just walks around like nothings the matter and everything's OK...

You know, trying to act all cool.

Do you understand what I'm saying.

No.

Which part?

Firstly, you've never really been the cool guy.

This isn't going at all how I planned.

I don't understand what you are saying.

Look I'm just going to say it.

I like you.

I really like you.

This shirt that I'm wearing, this is your shirt.

And I got it from your house...

...at the party you had over a month ago.

I haven't given it back because...

because it smells like you. I really like that.

And... I just had to tell you how I feel.

It's OK if you don't feel the same way I feel.

But if I didn't tell you how I feel...

It wouldn't be fair to myself. I just don't care anymore.

And...you're so...beautiful.

You're so smart...and...

It's just amazing to me.

that you're still single.

And...

What was that for?

I've been waiting a long time to hear you so those things to me.

You've just been waiting for me to say that?

This whole time you felt the exact same way?

You just trying to torture me?

Well, I think after tonight you'll realize it was all worth it.

Oh my...

Oh, it was worth the wait!

I agree!

Ordinarily, I'm the one answering the questions sent in by my readers.

Today, I'm going to do something a little bit different.

I'm going to send out a question so that one particular reader will answer.

Dear Abby,

For the past 5 years I've helped couples struggle.

...with a wide variety of issues...

...work through problems they might be having...

...with the person who means the most to them.

By all accounts...

...it seems I might have been somewhat successful.

My readers have been nothing but grateful and loyal for the advice I've dispensed.

And yet when I reflect on my own problems...

...with the person who means the most to me...

...I'm somehow left without any answers.

only questions

Things like...

Is there a way for me to right the wrongs I did to you?

Things like...

Do you really think I'm as big a jerk as you say I am?

Things like, Will you be sad when you get home tonight...

...and realize I've decided the best thing I could...

possibly give you is your freedom?

That's right.

I'm doing it.

I'm moving out. I'm giving you the house.

No need to deal with real estate agents...

or lawyers...

It's yours.

It's the least I can do for the heartache I've caused.

Sometimes, the best thing in life...

...comes from letting something go.

If my letting you go can give you the chance...

at happiness you've always wanted with a nice guy...

Then maybe in some small way...

I'll have redeemed myself.

Where are you going?

Oh, I'm...

Mark's moving in with Kimberly actually.

So I'm taking over the lease of his apartment.

They're moving in together?

Yeah...uhh...

They hooked up last week.

The rest is history.

It's amazing. I'm so happy for them.

Yeah.

He's ... he's a nice guy.

You're moving out.

That's kind of sudden isn't it.

It is?

You've been wanting me out of your hair for the longest time.

I think it's been a long time coming.

Did you mean everything you said in your column?

Every word.

You know you pretend to be such an asshole.

But you're a total romantic sap, Jack.

I know.

Promise you won't tell anyone?

I promise.

The place is all yours, Abby.

It feels funny.

Sometimes when you get what you think you always wanted...

...you realize you never really wanted it at all.

If you had moved out when we first broke up...

I would've stood there and begged you to stay.

You would've begged?

Don't gloat.

It's all yours.

Well, before you go can I ask you something?

Sure.

Will you move in with me?

What?

I miss you.

But i haven't even been gone yet.

I know. I didn't mean to say I miss you, I meant...

I miss us.

I miss us too.

So you'll move in with me?

That's so sexy!

You like that baby?

Mmm-Umm.

Stick your tonuge in

I missed this so much!

Give it to me baby!

I'm going to come.

I'm coming!

I love you.

I love you too.