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♪ ♪
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- Okay, team, everyone has
scored a goal this season
3
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:10,919
except for Tom.
4
00:00:11,019 --> 00:00:12,287
So let's try to pass to him.
5
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:13,789
- Yeah, I'm better than I look,
guys.
6
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:16,224
Nimble, strong, fast, agile,
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00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:17,426
the whole--the whole package.
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- Oh, please, come on.
9
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,562
Enough with this jibber-jabber
already.
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00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:23,098
- Like I was saying, we're
here to support each other
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and have fun.
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00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,634
- I think you all should know
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that my son should be
on the all-star team
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00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,406
and not playing
with these bimbo nimrods.
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- Are we nimrods?
What's happening.
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- Lady, pipe down.
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You can say whatever you want
18
00:00:35,277 --> 00:00:36,711
about these other nimrods...
19
00:00:36,778 --> 00:00:38,146
- Let's be supportive.
20
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,815
- But Tom is great
at everything he tires.
21
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- Yeah, I'm pretty solid.
22
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- Your son
is a failed bassoonist,
23
00:00:42,617 --> 00:00:45,787
and he crapped his pants
at Little League.
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00:00:45,887 --> 00:00:47,289
- Coach, why don't we wrap up
the pep talk?
25
00:00:47,389 --> 00:00:49,591
This is really not--
not pepping us up.
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- ♪ 'Cause I'm
a powerful woman ♪
27
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♪ Always get what I want ♪
28
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- Ugh, that woman
is so annoying.
29
00:00:55,397 --> 00:00:58,233
She ruins every soccer game.
- I don't wish ill upon people,
30
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,836
but I went to church last week
to pray that she dies.
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00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:03,805
Hi, I know you're talking
about my wife.
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00:01:03,905 --> 00:01:05,740
- Uh, no! Your wife?
33
00:01:05,807 --> 00:01:07,342
- Your wife is great.
- Love your wife.
34
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,144
- We were talking
about a different wife.
35
00:01:09,244 --> 00:01:12,013
- There's no need to deny it.
I mean, she is a nightmare.
36
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,516
Listen, can I show you guys
something over here?
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- Behind the dumpster?
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00:01:17,853 --> 00:01:19,421
- Okay, I know what this is,
Nurse.
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00:01:19,488 --> 00:01:21,323
This is a dumpster
blow job scenario.
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00:01:21,423 --> 00:01:22,858
- Wh--
- Absolutely not.
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00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:23,992
- Okay, forget I said it.
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00:01:24,092 --> 00:01:25,260
What do you want to talk about?
43
00:01:25,327 --> 00:01:26,862
- Tell me if society
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00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,697
would frown on something
like this
45
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and if this is inappropriate,
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but what if we slip her
some kind of sedative?
47
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- Wait, what?
48
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,705
- I mean, is that wrong?
- Yes, it's wrong.
49
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,206
I can't believe
you just said that.
50
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,508
- Nurse, let's hear him out.
51
00:01:39,608 --> 00:01:41,143
- Are you listening
to yourselves?
52
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,345
- I am listening, and I'm
hearing some stuff I like.
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00:01:43,445 --> 00:01:45,147
What kind of sedative
are you thinking?
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00:01:45,213 --> 00:01:47,282
- You know, mild.
Mild to heavy.
55
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- No!
- Okay, yeah!
56
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:50,385
Mild to heavy sedatives.
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00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,387
- No, no, no, no.
- You're the school nurse.
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00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,723
So the whole thing would be
medically supervised.
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00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,224
- I mean--
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00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,893
- A lot of these drugs,
they're basically harmless.
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00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,395
It's like drinking
a glass or two of chardonnay.
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00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,064
-
- You gotta save the kids.
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00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,333
- Who else,
if not the school nurse,
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00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,503
will these children look up to
in life?
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- You know what?
Count me in.
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00:02:10,071 --> 00:02:12,541
- All right!
- I feel good about this!
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- Here we go, guys! Yes!
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Good job!
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00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:18,180
Come on, y'all!
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There it is!
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Whoo!
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That's it!
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That's what I'm talking about!
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00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,088
That's what
I'm talking about!
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Good job.
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00:02:28,490 --> 00:02:30,492
Come on, y'all!
- Hey, parents, uh-oh.
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00:02:30,559 --> 00:02:33,428
What's this?
Free hot chocolates.
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00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,331
- What a surprise!
- How unexpected.
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00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:37,699
- Yeah, help yourselves,
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00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,068
but the cups are
very specifically labeled,
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so no swapping.
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00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:43,939
- Oh, no one's swapping
anything, Brad. Relax.
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00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,911
- All you kids
are gonna have fun.
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00:02:50,011 --> 00:02:51,446
Let's get Tom the ball.
- Oh, please.
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00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,048
Leave mine here,
'cause I need to go talk
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00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:56,051
to this jackass coach.
- Oh, no.
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00:02:56,117 --> 00:02:57,619
- Sure, but keep an eye on it.
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00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,221
I don't want anyone
swapping it.
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00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:02,357
- Relax, you are such a weirdo.
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00:03:03,191 --> 00:03:05,293
- Hey, we never formally met.
My name's Tom.
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00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:08,396
- Shut up.
- Shut up? Okay, that's fine.
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00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:10,065
All right, let's just get
this over with.
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00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:11,800
- Look, if I pass it
to you today,
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00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,568
it's because I believe in you.
- Thank you.
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00:03:13,635 --> 00:03:15,971
- Not because Coach said,
"Pass it to the dud."
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00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,639
- He calls me the dud
behind my back?
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00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,808
- Nah, nobody calls you dud,
but even if they did,
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00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:20,976
you're still our teammate,
you know,
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00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,043
and we've got your back, so--
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00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:23,378
- Why even bring it up?
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00:03:23,445 --> 00:03:24,913
- I'm just saying
there's a possibility
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00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:26,648
that throughout the game,
people are gonna be like,
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00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,882
"Hey, pass it to the dud."
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00:03:27,949 --> 00:03:29,618
You know, who cares?
- The dud?
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00:03:29,718 --> 00:03:30,785
That's not even
a creative nickname.
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00:03:30,885 --> 00:03:32,087
Come on, guys.
107
00:03:32,153 --> 00:03:33,622
All right,
I'll catch up in a minute.
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00:03:33,722 --> 00:03:35,724
Free drinks, sweet.
- Oh, no, no, no.
109
00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:38,093
- Hey, Double D, want a drink?
Good energy boost.
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00:03:38,159 --> 00:03:40,829
- Do not drink it.
I can't stress this enough.
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00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,998
- Your wife is right.
You need to relax.
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00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,833
All right,
let's play some soccer.
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00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,134
- Oh, dear God.
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00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:48,270
- All right, guys, yeah!
115
00:03:52,140 --> 00:03:54,776
Aw!
- Ah, I'm exhausted.
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00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:56,511
- Look alive, man!
You're never gonna score a--
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00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,146
- Nelson, is it
considered acceptable
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00:03:58,246 --> 00:03:59,581
to take a nap mid-game?
- No.
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00:03:59,648 --> 00:04:01,283
- No?
- What are you thinking?
120
00:04:01,349 --> 00:04:02,517
- Quick, like, a quick one.
- No, you can't take a nap.
121
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,852
In the middle of the field?
122
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,654
- Five-minute nap.
Please cover for me.
123
00:04:05,754 --> 00:04:07,622
- This is where
the dud nickname comes from.
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00:04:07,689 --> 00:04:09,357
- Man down!
125
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:12,761
- What is happening?
- Oh, great, that does it.
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00:04:12,827 --> 00:04:15,363
This kid has got to go.
- No way, lady.
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00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,099
Tom's doing great out there.
- He's sleeping.
128
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:21,970
-
- He's just taking a power nap.
129
00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:23,204
- Now, on the field?
130
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,206
- Come on, my son, Tom,
is great.
131
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:27,609
- Stop defending your loser.
We want him gone.
132
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:29,444
- Maybe we want you gone.
133
00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:31,212
Everybody, attention.
Listen up.
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00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,014
What do you say we start
a petition
135
00:04:33,114 --> 00:04:35,717
to have this woman banned
from these games?
136
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,218
- I like that idea.
137
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,187
- You can all shove your
petitions up your assholes!
138
00:04:39,287 --> 00:04:42,157
- Honey, please, don't say
"asshole" in front of the kids.
139
00:04:42,223 --> 00:04:43,391
Aah!
140
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:44,726
- Don't you dare question me
in public.
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00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:45,827
- Wow!
142
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:46,895
- Yes, ma'am.
143
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,129
- How long was I asleep?
144
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:49,731
This all happened
in two minutes?
145
00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:52,367
- All right, everybody,
thank you for coming.
146
00:04:52,467 --> 00:04:53,802
You know I appreciate it.
147
00:04:53,868 --> 00:04:56,071
I know my email said
this is a PTA meeting,
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00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,239
but it's--it's actually
an intervention.
149
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,408
- Thought so.
Gear up, Dakota's mom.
150
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,976
- A petition
has been circulating
151
00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:03,812
to have Dakota's mom banned
152
00:05:03,878 --> 00:05:05,413
from all sporting events.
153
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:07,315
- Wait a minute.
Is that what this is about?
154
00:05:07,382 --> 00:05:08,583
- This is great!
155
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,085
- Dakota's mom,
in the administration,
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00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,721
you are what we call
a "problem mom."
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00:05:12,821 --> 00:05:15,423
- Problem mom? I'm--I'm
the only one without a problem.
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00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,392
I'm looking out for my child.
159
00:05:17,492 --> 00:05:19,194
- Well,
it's not just you, okay?
160
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:21,062
We've identified
three problem parents
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00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:23,932
you, the original one;
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00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,434
Randy's dad, who,
quite frankly, scares me...
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00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,403
- I could crack you in half.
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00:05:28,503 --> 00:05:30,271
- And, of course, Tom's mom.
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00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,740
- Hang on,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
166
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,274
I'm the one who started
the petition.
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00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,377
I coined the phrase
"problem mom."
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00:05:35,443 --> 00:05:37,212
- Yes! That's exactly
the kind of thing
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00:05:37,278 --> 00:05:39,080
that a problem mom would do.
- Wh--
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00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:43,618
- If you want to attend
any more sporting events,
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00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,353
I need you to attend
this seminar.
172
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,088
- "Taking It Down a Notch"?
173
00:05:47,188 --> 00:05:48,623
- It's like driving school
174
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,459
but for maniac parents
who can't conduct themselves
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00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:54,062
in a civilized manner
around other people.
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00:05:54,129 --> 00:05:55,463
- Fine by me.
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00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,369
- Weird seminar music, no?
178
00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:05,807
- All right, everyone,
I want to welcome you all--
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00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,142
Cut! Stop!
180
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,943
Right now.
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00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:13,314
Now, you're here because
you behave like Neanderthals.
182
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,382
- What?
- Wait, what?
183
00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:15,750
- What did you just say?
184
00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:17,719
- Let's begin
with some role-playing.
185
00:06:17,786 --> 00:06:21,156
Let's pretend I'm, say,
a referee
186
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,158
who just made a bad call.
187
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:27,061
Dakota, how would, say,
your mother respond?
188
00:06:27,128 --> 00:06:29,264
- Uh, she'd say,
"Hey, nimrod, do you need me
189
00:06:29,330 --> 00:06:30,999
to shove that whistle
up your asshole?"
190
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,968
Then she'd grab the whistle
and literally try to do it.
191
00:06:34,068 --> 00:06:35,837
- That doesn't sound
like me at all.
192
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,339
- Mom, that literally
happened yesterday.
193
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,508
- Problem mom!
194
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,277
- We're making progress.
195
00:06:42,343 --> 00:06:44,813
Randy, what would your dad say?
196
00:06:44,913 --> 00:06:46,514
- My dad has
a bit of a temper, so--
197
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:47,849
- You idiot!
198
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,251
Why are you washing
our laundry in public?
199
00:06:50,318 --> 00:06:51,820
- Dad, please!
- Come on, we're out of here.
200
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,154
- I want to stay
at the seminar.
201
00:06:53,254 --> 00:06:55,256
- Come here!
- Stop dragging me!
202
00:06:55,323 --> 00:06:58,660
- We're going.
We don't need this.
203
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,862
- Difficult dad!
204
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,030
- Let's move forward.
205
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,932
Tom, what would
your mother say?
206
00:07:03,998 --> 00:07:06,334
- Can I sit this exercise out?
207
00:07:06,434 --> 00:07:08,336
If I impersonate my mom,
it's not gonna end well.
208
00:07:08,436 --> 00:07:10,605
- What do you mean,
not end well, in what sense?
209
00:07:10,672 --> 00:07:12,006
- It means
I'm gonna get punished.
210
00:07:12,106 --> 00:07:14,275
My mom does funny punishments,
okay?
211
00:07:14,342 --> 00:07:16,044
- Tom.
You know what? He's tired.
212
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,545
- Name one.
- I don't know,
213
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,280
like making me take a bath
in Mountain Dew
214
00:07:19,347 --> 00:07:21,149
and then be really sticky
when I go to school
215
00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:23,518
for the next week?
- Tom, let's put a sock in it.
216
00:07:23,618 --> 00:07:25,520
- Oh, my gosh.
- That's so sad.
217
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:27,222
- She'll make me, like, run
around the block a few times
218
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,324
with no pants on.
- Oh, let's don't tell this.
219
00:07:29,390 --> 00:07:31,159
- Make me scream,
"Look at my wiener!
220
00:07:31,226 --> 00:07:32,627
I should have cleaned my room."
221
00:07:32,694 --> 00:07:35,663
- So abuse
but with a lighthearted twist.
222
00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:38,366
- For your info,
he cleaned his room that night.
223
00:07:38,466 --> 00:07:41,069
Tell you that much.
- Problem mom!
224
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:44,873
- No, no, Jacob, please,
for your own sake, don't do it.
225
00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:47,542
- Thanks for getting together,
guys.
226
00:07:47,642 --> 00:07:49,410
We should have done this
a long time ago.
227
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,045
- Yeah, look,
I want to apologize.
228
00:07:51,145 --> 00:07:54,415
I really went off the rails.
I need to look inward.
229
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,150
I realize that now.
230
00:07:56,217 --> 00:07:59,587
- Oh, yeah, you know,
being a parent is stressful.
231
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,689
And I just--
I forgive everybody,
232
00:08:01,756 --> 00:08:02,991
because it's hard.
- Mm.
233
00:08:03,057 --> 00:08:04,526
- And let's be honest.
234
00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:06,528
Some of us don't--just don't
have the mental capacity
235
00:08:06,594 --> 00:08:08,830
to handle it.
236
00:08:08,897 --> 00:08:10,865
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
237
00:08:10,932 --> 00:08:12,400
It's just that, you know,
some people are like
238
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:14,202
overgrown children
themselves, you know?
239
00:08:14,269 --> 00:08:16,204
- I get all that,
but why are you looking at me?
240
00:08:16,271 --> 00:08:17,939
- I'm looking at you
'cause I'm talking to you.
241
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,174
Oh, my gosh.
- Listen up, lady.
242
00:08:20,241 --> 00:08:21,609
I did this to be nice.
243
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,344
I don't need a creep
and a chubby bimbo
244
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:25,280
calling me dumb
while I enjoy my latte.
245
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,781
- Hey, hey, hey.
- That does it.
246
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,516
Here, why don't you finish
my Frappuccino?
247
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:29,751
- Whoa!
248
00:08:29,851 --> 00:08:31,452
- Yeah.
- You put it on my boobs?
249
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,288
- You need something on them
to make them show up.
250
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,590
- You know what?
Have a scone, Dakota's mom.
251
00:08:35,690 --> 00:08:37,392
- Oh, my God!
- Hey, hey, hey, come on!
252
00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:40,061
Come on, hey,
let's be reasonable, huh?
253
00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:41,462
Look at us!
254
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,298
- Excuse me,
if you're gonna pour the coffee
255
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:46,234
on each other's boobs, I'm
gonna have to ask you to leave.
256
00:08:46,301 --> 00:08:49,604
- Okay, we need to finish
what we started at soccer.
257
00:08:49,704 --> 00:08:51,072
- Bring it on.
- Whoa! Hey!
258
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:52,707
- Take that! In the eye!
There you go!
259
00:08:52,774 --> 00:08:54,642
- Come on, now, stop. Stop it!
- It's in my mouth!
260
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,146
- Take it down a notch, okay?
- What?
261
00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,581
- If you have a disagreement,
262
00:08:59,647 --> 00:09:01,983
at least have
an organized fight
263
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,985
where we can charge admission.
264
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:07,388
- Oh, my God,
that's a great idea.
265
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:10,158
- Okay, you can't sit on each
other in front of the doorway.
266
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,760
You need to leave.
- Well, Mr. Sensitive.
267
00:09:12,827 --> 00:09:15,263
- Oh, Mr. Sensitive
Green Shirt.
268
00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:18,232
- Big night.
Coach started a mandatory
269
00:09:18,299 --> 00:09:19,434
"pass it to Tom" rule,
270
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:20,902
so think I might score,
finally.
271
00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:22,604
- That's right, baby.
I'm hyped up, man.
272
00:09:22,670 --> 00:09:23,972
Good luck out there today.
273
00:09:24,072 --> 00:09:25,473
- Thank you, Nelson.
I appreciate that.
274
00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:26,975
- Hi, kids.
Quick announcement here.
275
00:09:27,075 --> 00:09:28,476
I hope you're having
a large day.
276
00:09:28,576 --> 00:09:30,178
Today's soccer game
is canceled
277
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,846
due to the overwhelming
interest
278
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,982
in the fight being planned
in the gym.
279
00:09:34,082 --> 00:09:36,351
- Fight? What kind of lunatic
is fighting in the school gym?
280
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,519
- Tell your parents
Tom's mom...
281
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,022
- Oh, no.
- Will fight Dakota's mom...
282
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,123
- Oh, my goodness.
283
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,192
- In the gym tonight at 5:00
284
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,260
and admission is $10.
285
00:09:46,327 --> 00:09:49,030
- Uh, Tom, is there something
you want to tell me?
286
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,633
- This is honestly
the first I'm hearing of it.
287
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,706
- Uh, Mom?
- Mm-hmm, yeah?
288
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,375
- Anything you want to share
with me?
289
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,976
- No, can't--
can't think of anything.
290
00:10:02,043 --> 00:10:03,277
- You don't have any big fights
291
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:04,846
or any kind of combat
scheduled?
292
00:10:04,946 --> 00:10:06,948
- Oh, the fight.
- "Oh, the fight"?
293
00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:08,516
- Tom, I wasn't gonna tell you.
294
00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,318
- Mom, I'm gonna find out
about something like that.
295
00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,120
What are you doing?
- Okay, well, look.
296
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:13,454
I was shooting my mouth off,
297
00:10:13,521 --> 00:10:15,857
and it all
just got away from me.
298
00:10:15,957 --> 00:10:18,292
I don't want to fight her.
- So just cancel the fight.
299
00:10:18,359 --> 00:10:20,395
That's easy.
- No, I can't do that.
300
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,696
- What do you mean, you can't?
301
00:10:21,796 --> 00:10:23,398
- Look, I would
happily cancel it,
302
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,700
but I'm not gonna set
a bad example for my son.
303
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,568
That would teach you
that it's okay to quit,
304
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,637
and I'm not gonna do that, Tom.
305
00:10:29,704 --> 00:10:31,005
♪ ♪
306
00:10:31,072 --> 00:10:33,207
- I feel like you're setting
a bad example
307
00:10:33,307 --> 00:10:36,010
no matter how you play it
at this point.
308
00:10:36,077 --> 00:10:39,080
- Thanks for coming out, folks.
I know we're excited.
309
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,815
I just want to make it clear.
310
00:10:40,882 --> 00:10:42,583
No biting, no kicking.
311
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,687
And there's no tactful way to
say this in front of the kids.
312
00:10:45,753 --> 00:10:47,822
No punching in the pussy.
Thank you.
313
00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:49,223
- What?
- Oh, my God.
314
00:10:49,323 --> 00:10:50,491
- Does that really need
to be a rule?
315
00:10:51,926 --> 00:10:53,761
- Fight! Fight!
316
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,363
- Hurt each other! Come on!
317
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:56,931
- I don't know why you took
your bra off,
318
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,933
but I'm about to punching bag
those bitches.
319
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,768
- Why don't you just shut
your little trap, and let's--
320
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,203
why don't we just start
fighting?
321
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,337
- Okay, this
is complete madness.
322
00:11:03,404 --> 00:11:04,839
I need to stop this.
323
00:11:04,906 --> 00:11:06,941
All right, you know what?
Guys, hold on, hold on.
324
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,876
I--I'm sorry,
I gotta interject.
325
00:11:08,943 --> 00:11:10,745
When I heard my mom
was gonna fight,
326
00:11:10,845 --> 00:11:13,514
it inspired me to write a poem.
327
00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:14,782
Jacob, if you don't mind.
328
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,187
- This poem is called
"My Mom, My Hero."
329
00:11:19,253 --> 00:11:20,688
- Nuh-uh!
330
00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:22,557
You got us all riled up
for a fight
331
00:11:22,623 --> 00:11:25,026
and now you got little kids
reading poems?
332
00:11:25,093 --> 00:11:26,561
- I mean,
we paid good money for this!
333
00:11:26,627 --> 00:11:29,097
- Someone needs to fight,
or we're not leaving.
334
00:11:31,265 --> 00:11:33,468
- Tell me if this
is inappropriate,
335
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,703
but I'd be happy
to fight my wife.
336
00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:36,938
- What?
337
00:11:37,038 --> 00:11:38,072
- That is a fight
I would like to see.
338
00:11:38,139 --> 00:11:39,474
- No.
- Yeah!
339
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,641
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
340
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,076
- Don't encourage it.
341
00:11:42,143 --> 00:11:44,712
- Oh, please, Brad,
you weigh 120 pounds.
342
00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:46,447
- Aah!
- There you go.
343
00:11:46,547 --> 00:11:48,249
- Aah!
344
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,451
- I don't feel like my poem had
the impact I was hoping for.
345
00:11:50,551 --> 00:11:52,587
- Not at all.
- Aah, my butthole!
346
00:11:52,653 --> 00:11:54,822
- ♪ Remember
there's more road ♪
347
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,958
♪ And places to go ♪
348
00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:58,793
♪ Patterns to contemplate ♪
349
00:11:58,893 --> 00:12:00,561
♪ More people to fornicate ♪
350
00:12:00,628 --> 00:12:03,931
♪ And remember
there's a lot of good omens ♪
351
00:12:03,998 --> 00:12:05,600
♪ Supplying the proof ♪
352
00:12:05,666 --> 00:12:09,170
♪ That our life
is the best joke ever told ♪
353
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:13,474
♪ Remember it's a joke
and leave it alone ♪
354
00:12:13,574 --> 00:12:17,411
♪ Let go and try to be
always abiding ♪
355
00:12:17,478 --> 00:12:21,649
♪ Remember if there's
one good reason for dying ♪
356
00:12:21,749 --> 00:12:23,518
♪ The sweet silver lining ♪
357
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,787
♪ Through you she lives on ♪
358
00:12:25,853 --> 00:12:29,824
♪ And therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ♪
359
00:12:29,924 --> 00:12:31,759
♪ Disciples of the flow ♪
360
00:12:31,826 --> 00:12:34,328
♪ We can float anywhere ♪
27118
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