All language subtitles for Ten.Year.Old.Tom.S01E17.Art.Class.1080p.HMAX.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

- ♪ Now as our poor
young lungs deflate ♪

♪ I'll admit
I've gotten older ♪

♪ Mellowed out, chatting up
those I used to hate ♪

♪ ♪

♪ The feeling that
we're lost will always fade ♪

♪ I present no explanations ♪

♪ Can't expect
our tired patience ♪

♪ To satiate for long ♪

♪ Therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ♪

♪ Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ♪

- Guys,
can we have an honest talk?

I get it, you're little kids,

and when it comes to art,
you're kind of phoning it in.

But what the eff
am I looking at here?

Nelson,
is that the Statue of Liberty

or Joy Behar
holding a flashlight?

- You know what?
I'll take another pass at it.

- Dakota, does that look
like a banana to you

or a yellow Johnson?

- What's a Johnson?

- I'm--that is not
my responsibility.

And, Tom.
- Hey there.

- Yeah, uh,
if you draw another sunset,

I'm gonna blow my brains out.
- Okay.

- I try to encourage you kids,
but, Tom,

you might be the worst artist
who's ever lived.

- Oh, no, my mom disagrees.

She said I'm like
her little Picasso.

- This is the problem,

these overly supportive
parents.

- She's just saying I'm great.
She's just saying I'm--

- I'm gonna say this to help,

but Picasso had more talent
in his rear end

than you have
in your entire body.

- Nah, his rear end
couldn't even hold a pencil.

- Sure, it could.
- How?

- If he clenched
at the right angle...

- That's a stretch.

- His butt could easily
hold a pencil.

- I don't think he could even
see the canvas from that angle.

- Am I really having
this conversation? Ugh!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh-ho-ho-ho. Oh, my God.

- Mrs. Fern?
- What?

- You seem really stressed out.
Are you okay?

- Yeah, here's the deal,
you guys.

Gather round.

The arts program is at risk
of being defunded.

- Oh.

- So I need you kids

to start showing results,

or I could be out of a job.

- We love you, Mrs. Fern.
We're gonna try harder, okay?

- Your assignment
is to draw something

that shows
your school spirit, okay?

Could be a classroom,
a soccer field.

- Can I just bang out
a sunset, or--

- No! No sunsets!

- Okay, Wendy, Tom's gonna
have fun with his art stuff.

Got a date
with a dentist named Kenny.

He's pretty boring,
but hey, free dinner.

- I don't need to know
all that.

- That's fair, Wendy.
Okay, guys, have fun.

- All right,
have fun on the weird date.

- Oh, hey, Tomas.
- I don't go by Tomas.

- How's your art project?

- My art teacher said
if Picasso would put a brush

into his rear end, he could
paint better than I can.

- That's terrible.

Kids should be encouraged
with their creativity.

- No, I shouldn't be.
I'm really bad.

- Let me help. I'm an artist.
Let me just take a look.

Okay, and--
- What are you doing?

- Oh, wow.
- Don't touch it.

Don't touch it.
- Ah, yes.

- Can you stop? No, no, no.

- Oh, wow, now it's popping.
- Please.

- Oh, okay, the muse is here.

- Wait, is this helping,
or are you just doing it?

- The muse is here!
- Where's my mom?

Where's the emergency number?

You really have to put
the art down. I've gotta--

- Tom, artists have assistants
help all the time.

- I'm literally doing nothing.
I'm eating string cheese.

- It's called
a stringed cheese, okay?

You don't nibble on it
like some sort of monster.

Okay, Tom?
- Yeah.

- Now you are done.

- Oh, my God, that's amazing.

- You did that, Tom. Wow.

- Me? I can't hand that in.
I didn't draw anything.

- We were both here,
and the art happened.

So, like, who's to say
who even did what?

Oh, Tom, please,
don't eat it that way.

- Okay, kids, I'm seeing signs
of improvement,

but this is really not,
uh, "moving the needle."

- Yeah, Nelson,
what am I looking at here?

- You know what? To be honest,
I feel like this piece just--

it's just really
getting away from me.

- Dakota, did my whole
anti-banana speech

not get through to you?

- I'm just not
a creative person.

That's the bottom line.

- Yeah, no kidding.

Wow! Wait a minute.

Is this--Tom, you did this?

- You know, I believe I did.
- Kind of blown away here.

- I think your mean-spirited,
harsh criticism

really, uh, inspired me.

- Class, this is talent.

Compared to Tom, the rest
of you look like idiots.

- I wouldn't say that.

- Tom's read end is a better
artist than some of you.

- Enough with the rear end
comparisons.

Not everyone reacts to that.

- Tom, you are what we call
a prodigy.

- No.
- And you

are gonna save
this arts program.

You are a hero and a legend.

Hey, Principal!
Look at what Tom did!

I'm teaching a genius in here.

- She really needs to find
a middle ground

with her feedback,
don't y'all think?

- First of all,
thank you for coming in.

And, uh, ooh, I hate to ask
this, but who are you?

- He's Kenny.
- He's a dentist I'm dating.

It's not a big deal.
He likes to tag along.

- I'm actually a periodontist,
which deals more

with the gums and bone--
- Yeah, okay.

I mean, he's boring as hell,
but he's very loaded.

Anyway, 'sup?

- I am so excited
about Tom's talent.

- Oh, no.
- I'm being told

he's an art prodigy.

- No, I'm not. No, please.

I literally drew one squirrel.

- Here's the deal.

The superintendent of schools

is threatening to yank our
funding for the arts program.

- What? That's terrible.

- And she calls me an idiot
in front of the kids,

and I don't show it bothers me,
but it really does!

- What a terrible bitch.
- That's insulting.

- Yes! So I want to use Tom's
art to stick it to her,

you know?
- What?

- So--yeah, show her
that I'm getting results here.

- Sounds like you've got some
personal issues to deal with.

- Listen, Tom--

- Can we leave me out
of whatever weird stuff's

going on here? I just--no?
- Oh, Tom.

- Yeah?
- Look at me.

- Kenny, say something.
- Uh, you know--

- All right,
it's, like, a tiny favor.

- No.

- Just draw me a huge mural
on the gym that covers...

- Please.
- The entire rear wall.

- No.
- It's of the school...

- Stop.
- And it includes

all the teachers...
- It's a nightmare.

- With me on the front steps
looking heroic.

- Kenny!
- If you draw it normal size,

we can just blow it up.
Have fun with it.

- I really think you're
overestimating my talent.

- Principal, is there
any money involved here?

- Go along with this, I'll slip
you a few grand on the side.

- I think we're in.
- Oh, no.

- You know what?
It pays to have

an art prodigy for a son.

- You know, some people say
periodontal work

is an art form.
- Just be cool.

- Kenny, be cool.
- Okay.

- You should chime in
less often.

- Please.
- Sorry.

- Hey, uh, babysitter?
- Oh, hi.

Weird, weird, seeing you
in a different context.

Wow, okay, let me get there.

- Can we just kinda talk
one-on-one?

You know,
like, babysitter to baby?

- Mm, I'm working but, uh--
- Real quick, here's the thing.

I think you might have
overencouraged me

with my art.
- Uh-huh.

- Now everyone thinks
I'm, like, a prodigy of sorts.

- Oh, I'm glad I could help.
- No, it's not help.

It's a nightmare.
They've commissioned me

to do a mural,
and I can't do it.

I need you to do it again.

- Okay, Tom,
I get paid for my work.

Last time, I was on the clock.

- You were on the clock
for babysitting.

- Yes, it was a paid job.
- No.

- So if you need me
to draw again,

you're gonna have
to get out your checkbook.

- Can I be honest?
- Sure.

- I kind of see you as, like,
a second mom.

- Tom.
- We're practically family.

- You called me Babysitter
when you came in.

- I call my mom Mom.
I don't call her...

whatever her first name is.

- Oh, Tomas, come on, please.

I sat on your couch
for three hours,

put you to bed, and then
smoked weed in your bathroom.

So I think you're
vastly overestimating

how tight we are.

- Oh, this is not good.
This is not good.

Oh, think, Tom, think.

What would
Picasso's rear end do?

What would Picasso's
rear end do?

- Tom, what kind
of entrance is that?

- Did I walk into your house?
I'm sorry.

- Most people say hi or hello.

You're gonna walk into--
- I don't have time for "hi"s.

I don't have time for "hello"s.

I need to create
an epic drawing

filled with detail, texture,
and nuance of the school

by tomorrow.
- So draw it. You the best.

- I'm not the best.
- What?

- I'm the worst.
- What do you mean?

- I'm terrible.
It's all a lie, Nelson.

I'm not a good painter.
- Oh!

- The babysitter drew it
for me.

- You know what?
That makes more sense.

- You thought I was
a good artist.

How long have you known me?

- Sometimes it good
to have hope in people.

- Am I too young to drink?
What do you have here?

- Tom, Tom, stop!
- MARTINI & ROSSI?

What is this?
- Look at yourself!

You're spiraling
out of control, brother.

- Do people drink Schnapps
these days?

Is that still popular?
- Schnapps? Calm down.

I ain't gonna let you
go this low.

I got something for you.
Follow me.

Screaming out, "Picasso,"
that's offensive.

We're a Basquiat household.

Yeah, my dad
is a big art collector.

Feast your eyes.
- Oh, wow, now, that's art.

I feel like I'm in the Louvre.

- Yeah, don't it have
that feeling to it?

- Oh, my--this is amazing.

- If he dies, I get all this.

Is your dad in all of them,
or is he--

- Yeah, man,
and maybe this guy--you know,

he does great work of my dad,

so maybe he could do
this work for you.

- You think this artist
would do my assignment for me?

- Let's take a trip
to the arts district.

- Shady Oaks
has an arts district?

- Yeah, SOAD,
Shady Oaks Arts District.

- Can you ride your bide there?

- Yeah, you just go
over the railroad tracks...

- Okay.
- Cut down by the junkyard...

- Junkyard.
- Through the prostitutes.

- Prostitutes, okay.

- Once you make it
through drug dealers row...

- We have--okay.

- And go behind the Walgreens

and cut through
the pedophiles' playground...

- They've cleaned that up
quite a bit.

- You're at SOAD,
the Shady Oaks Arts District.

- Let's make a trip to SOAD.

- Oh, wow, this

really is out there, isn't it?

- Yeah, come on.
I need you to keep up.

- Are we still in Shady Oaks?
- Yeah, we're in Shady Oaks.

We're just more on
the shady side of Shady Oaks.

- Yeah, really a lot
of open-air sex acts.

Oh, my God.

-
- Don't make eye contact.

- Yeah, look down.
- Don't make eye contact.

- Look down.
- Oh, did you see that?

Was that a speed bump or a rat?

- Not much of a district,
is it?

- Yeah, it needs at least
a coffee shop,

if nothing else.

- Hi, are you the nude model
or the Chinese food?

Either way, take off
your clothes and come on up.

- What?
- No, no, no, no, no.

It's Nelson.
- Nelson and Tom.

- My dad's the one
who commissioned a painting

of himself on a horse.
- Say no more.

I smell money from up here.
Buzzing you in.

- Really an odd personality
for an artist.

- Yeah, stay close.

- Hey, guys,
intercom's still on.

I can hear you.
Come on up!

- Hey, we're coming up.

Oh, wow, look at this studio.

- Oh, that's nice.

- What are
you guys looking to buy?

More art for your dad?

- Oh, no, actually,
we're not here to buy anything.

I need a favor.
I need a drawing

of my grade school...
- Uh-huh.

- And we were hoping you could
kinda bang it out.

- Yeah, look, look,
my dad would consider it

a personal favor.

- Yeah, kid, look,
I--I hate to break it to you,

but your dad is a pain
in my ass.

- Whoa.
- All right, I've been working

on his portrait
for over a year.

Look at this.
- Whoa.

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, wow.

- And he keeps asking me,
"More chest hair."

- More chest hair?
- And I refuse to do it.

- It's already a lot.
- I know.

- Oh, please, come on,

the whole Shady Oaks
Art Department

is counting on me.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You go to Shady Oaks?
- Shady Oaks Elementary, yeah.

- Yep.
- SOE!

- SOE.
- My alma mater!

Is--is the principal
still there?

Chubby guy, bad dresser,
real idiot?

- Yep, still here.
- Well, you know what?

I'll do it.
- You'll do it?

- Yes!
- That's amazing.

- Yeah, in fact, you can
pick it up in the morning.

How about that?
And when you hand it to him,

look him in the eye and say,

"Scott from the class of '04
says hi."

- Okay.

- And then make
a creepy grimace

just like this.
Look at me.

Eeeeeeeeh.

You got it?

- Can't just say you said hi
and leave it at that?

- Just look him in the eye,
fellas, will ya?

- Oh, Tom, Tom, we gotta go.
Our bikes are being stolen.

- What? Oh, no.

- This arts district
is only half a block wide,

but it's
a terrible part of town.

- Hello, everybody.

Uh, Madam Superintendent,

we do have
one last piece of art

to share with you
from just our prodigy,

our star student.

Why don't you read a quick
artist's statement, Tom?

- Oh, I don't have
anything prepared.

I let my brushes
do the talking.

- No, you just speak
from the heart.

- All right, let me ask
you folks, what is art?

Is it just something
babysitters do

to pass the time?

I believe art can come
from a child

as easily as it can come
from a grown man's rear end.

- Thank you.

- All right, well,
thank you for listening.

Hope you enjoy it.
It's called "Tom's Dream."

- Oh, shit.
- What is this?

- You don't like it?
What's wrong?

- Can someone please tell me
what I am looking at?

- It's just, he's--
he's with the school mascot.

They're--
they just won a soccer game.

- I don't understand
why you would do this,

especially after
all my encouragement.

- This is all my fault.
You know what?

Why don't you keep
the five grand

you were gonna pay me
for the painting?

- Ugh.
- Wait.

- You spent $5,000
of school funds

on a painting of you
being humped by a squirrel?

- He gave us the credit card
and said, "Go big, or go home."

That's how much the guy cares.

- Okay, obviously, he's drunk.
Let me explain.

- Oh, no. I'm leaving.
And guess what.

That mural is gonna become

a permanent installation
in this school

'cause I want it
to act as a reminder

to future generations

as to what a complete jackass
you were.

- I feel like
we should have gone

with Dakota's
yellow Johnson drawings.

- I always thought
they were nice.

Oh, and, Principal,
I almost forgot.

Scott says hi?

Creepy guy?
Class of '04?

No?