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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,531 --> 00:00:09,701 - Okay, kids. The school play is coming up 2 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,536 and I've written the script myself. 3 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,004 - Oh, no. 4 00:00:13,104 --> 00:00:15,773 - Now, who would like to handout the scripts? 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,675 - Um... ♪ I do ♪ 6 00:00:17,775 --> 00:00:21,379 - Thank you, Blaze. Your enthusiasm is a delight. 7 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:23,214 - One for you. You're welcome. 8 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,049 - "A Daffodil for Terence"? 9 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,485 "A morose tale of anguish and loss." 10 00:00:27,552 --> 00:00:29,187 Oh, this sounds horrible. - Hey, Mr. B. 11 00:00:29,287 --> 00:00:30,488 Not to put a damper on the whole thing, 12 00:00:30,555 --> 00:00:31,723 but can I sit this one out? 13 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,358 I had a bad experience last year. 14 00:00:33,458 --> 00:00:35,226 Remember I threw up and I pooped simultaneously? 15 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,494 They had to carry me off. 16 00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:38,563 - I remember it all too well, Tom. 17 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:42,534 But this year you only have one line as the village idiot. 18 00:00:42,634 --> 00:00:43,902 - Village idiot? 19 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,004 I mean, is that even believable casting? 20 00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:47,505 - That seems right. - Blaze, please. 21 00:00:47,572 --> 00:00:48,840 - I mean, I'll buy it. 22 00:00:48,907 --> 00:00:51,176 - If anything, it's too on the nose. 23 00:00:51,242 --> 00:00:53,378 - Isn't there anything in there for, like, the cool guy 24 00:00:53,478 --> 00:00:54,979 or some kind of assassin or? 25 00:00:55,046 --> 00:00:58,716 - Something about your face just screams, 26 00:00:58,816 --> 00:01:02,220 "I'm an idiot who lives in a village." 27 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:03,755 - All right, I question the casting choice 28 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,256 but let me sleep on it. 29 00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:08,026 All right, so I'm playing the village idiot, Lucian. 30 00:01:08,092 --> 00:01:09,327 So why don't you just read the lines 31 00:01:09,394 --> 00:01:10,695 before that and I'll come in? 32 00:01:10,762 --> 00:01:12,330 - Okay. 33 00:01:12,397 --> 00:01:15,900 "And we shall run through the daffodils forever more." 34 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:20,438 "Enter Lucian, a real idiot. He stands there stupidly." 35 00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:23,508 - Um, here are your slippers, sir. 36 00:01:23,575 --> 00:01:25,376 Thanks, Ma. That was a big help. 37 00:01:25,443 --> 00:01:27,345 - That's it? Where are the rest of your lines? 38 00:01:27,412 --> 00:01:29,047 We're gonna do all your lines. - No, that's it. 39 00:01:29,113 --> 00:01:30,748 I give him the slippers and then I-I leave. 40 00:01:30,848 --> 00:01:32,784 - You hand off the slippers and then you leave? 41 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,787 Tom, I'ma be real with you. If I'm gonna get dressed up, 42 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,522 bath, and drive to that school 43 00:01:37,589 --> 00:01:40,091 to hear one line, it better be a doozy. 44 00:01:40,191 --> 00:01:41,793 - No, no. No, no. Don't get the pencil out. 45 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,561 No. Mr. B doesn't like rewrites. 46 00:01:43,628 --> 00:01:45,630 - It's a tweak. - He said if we work off script 47 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:46,965 he's gonna physically harm us. 48 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,700 - I'm just putting this in the script. 49 00:01:48,766 --> 00:01:50,435 It's not a rewrite, it's a tweak. 50 00:01:50,535 --> 00:01:52,237 He said he's gonna physically harm you? 51 00:01:52,303 --> 00:01:53,938 - He said it more than once. 52 00:01:54,038 --> 00:01:56,774 - When your line comes up, this is what I want you to say. 53 00:01:56,874 --> 00:01:58,576 - I actually like that. - Right? 54 00:01:58,643 --> 00:02:01,145 - Yeah, I think Mr. B is really gonna see the humor in that. 55 00:02:02,814 --> 00:02:04,382 - All right, everyone. 56 00:02:04,449 --> 00:02:08,820 Welcome to our table read for "A Daffodil for Terence." 57 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,555 I hope you all love it. 58 00:02:10,622 --> 00:02:13,324 I really hope some of you get it 59 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:17,262 because some people can be quite thick. 60 00:02:17,328 --> 00:02:18,830 - Is he looking at me? 61 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,733 - Nelson will read our stage directions 62 00:02:21,799 --> 00:02:25,270 and Blaze will be doing double duty 63 00:02:25,336 --> 00:02:28,973 as both our lead and also the cat. 64 00:02:29,073 --> 00:02:33,011 And now, "A Daffodil for Terence." 65 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:36,581 - Curtains open on a bleak café in Denmark. 66 00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:38,116 The café is silent 67 00:02:38,182 --> 00:02:42,086 except for the wailing moan of a depressed cat. 68 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,762 - Such brave writing. 69 00:02:50,828 --> 00:02:54,699 - Valdemar stands defiantly above the motionless corpse. 70 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,835 Lucian enters and discovers the carnage. 71 00:02:57,935 --> 00:03:01,873 - Um...uh...who farted? 72 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,508 - What? 73 00:03:03,608 --> 00:03:05,810 - My script says "Who farted?" Is that the right line? 74 00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:07,211 - Stop laughing. 75 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,314 - That was hysterical. 76 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:13,117 - This table read is now canceled. 77 00:03:13,184 --> 00:03:14,719 And by the way, Denise, 78 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:19,624 I was talking about you because you're thick. 79 00:03:19,691 --> 00:03:21,326 You're slow. 80 00:03:21,392 --> 00:03:22,727 - What the hell? 81 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:25,463 - All right, please calm down, it's just a play. 82 00:03:25,530 --> 00:03:27,899 - I spent 18 years on that script. 83 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,568 And he adds one line and he rewrites it 84 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,503 so that it's a fart joke. 85 00:03:32,570 --> 00:03:34,072 - That was actually my mom's rewrite. 86 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:37,141 - Oh, so is she a village idiot too? 87 00:03:37,208 --> 00:03:38,409 - No, very smart lady. 88 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:41,079 - Perhaps this is a family business. 89 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,413 - You can't make money doing that. 90 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:44,182 - Let's try to encourage these kids. 91 00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:45,516 That's what I'm a principal for. 92 00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:48,353 Okay, Tom? Seriously, you did great. 93 00:03:48,419 --> 00:03:50,021 - Thank you. It felt good. 94 00:03:50,088 --> 00:03:52,357 - Great? He did great? - You gotta admit that he got 95 00:03:52,423 --> 00:03:54,025 the best reaction of the play, okay? 96 00:03:54,092 --> 00:03:55,426 So I have a great idea. 97 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,830 Let's recast and have Tom play the lead. 98 00:03:58,896 --> 00:04:00,932 - You can't be serious. - No, I'm not a lead. 99 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,000 I like to blend in. Don't put me up front. 100 00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:05,002 - Mr. B, tell Blaze he's demoted 101 00:04:05,069 --> 00:04:07,271 and he'll play the cat. That's fun. 102 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,940 - Oh, no, Blaze won't be happy with that. 103 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,775 - He'll love it. Meow. Meow. 104 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,577 He can remember his lines easier. 105 00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:14,212 - This is outrageous. 106 00:04:14,278 --> 00:04:18,282 You have no respect for my work nor my direction. 107 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,218 - I have a lot of respect for your craft. 108 00:04:20,284 --> 00:04:22,787 And Tom, ask your mom if she can look at the script 109 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,056 and see if she can work in, like, more fart jokes. 110 00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:26,624 - We're talking, like, one per page or? 111 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,126 - Fart it up. - Oh, my God. 112 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,394 - Fart it up. 113 00:04:33,131 --> 00:04:35,767 - Good God. 114 00:04:40,371 --> 00:04:42,540 - Oh. Aren't you Tom's weird teacher? 115 00:04:42,607 --> 00:04:45,977 - I'm Mr. B and I came to apologize. 116 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,079 May I come in? - Yeah, I guess. 117 00:04:48,146 --> 00:04:52,450 - Oh, wow. The decor is spectacularly mundane. 118 00:04:52,550 --> 00:04:53,918 - Thank you. 119 00:04:53,985 --> 00:04:55,653 - Oh, hey, Mr. B. Listen, uh, 120 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,155 if you wanna recast, that's fine. 121 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,823 I don't--I don't even wanna be in the play. 122 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:01,559 - Tom, my hands are tied. You have to be in the play. 123 00:05:01,626 --> 00:05:03,060 - Oh, okay. So why are you here? 124 00:05:03,127 --> 00:05:05,730 - I've given this a great deal of thought. 125 00:05:05,797 --> 00:05:08,566 What if I were to take you under my wing 126 00:05:08,633 --> 00:05:10,735 and mold you in my image? 127 00:05:10,802 --> 00:05:12,003 - Oh, no. No, no. 128 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,471 - Wouldn't you like to be 129 00:05:13,571 --> 00:05:16,174 a short little ten-year-old Mr. B? 130 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,842 - Not really, no. That doesn't sound too good. 131 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,744 - We have one week, Tom. - Whoa. 132 00:05:19,811 --> 00:05:23,114 - And for that time, you will live, eat, 133 00:05:23,181 --> 00:05:26,017 and breathe Mr. B. - No, I don't wanna do that. 134 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,752 - What, is he supposed to live at your house? 135 00:05:27,819 --> 00:05:31,022 - This will be a seven day acting boot camp... 136 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,323 - Please stop talking. 137 00:05:32,423 --> 00:05:35,426 - Culminating with a trip to Broadway. 138 00:05:35,493 --> 00:05:37,028 - I don't like where this is going. 139 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:40,698 - We'll take in a show, meet my old acting friends 140 00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:45,169 and stop for nibbles at Oso. And it's all on me. 141 00:05:45,269 --> 00:05:47,138 - Mom, say something. - We're in. 142 00:05:47,205 --> 00:05:49,307 - We're in? No, sounds like my worst nightmare. 143 00:05:49,373 --> 00:05:52,143 - But if it's a free dinner, I feel like we have no choice. 144 00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:53,845 - Oh, this is not gonna be fun. 145 00:05:53,945 --> 00:05:55,446 - Louder, Tom. 146 00:05:55,513 --> 00:05:59,884 Never say a line when you can over enunciate it. 147 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:01,953 - "Ah, look at the daffodils." 148 00:06:02,019 --> 00:06:03,788 - Put your body into it. 149 00:06:03,855 --> 00:06:06,891 There's nothing coming back at me, Tom. 150 00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,560 They called me Mr. B. - Why? 151 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,563 - Because I was the mayor of Broadway. 152 00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,665 - Then you just started teaching at a grade school? 153 00:06:14,732 --> 00:06:16,634 - Yes. - Wow, look at that. 154 00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:20,004 - Back in the day I owned this town. 155 00:06:20,071 --> 00:06:22,073 Tom, do you see what he's doing? 156 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,676 You have to make sure every syllable is heard. 157 00:06:25,743 --> 00:06:27,078 - Shh. Shut up! 158 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:29,247 - This is my gift to you. 159 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,750 - "How to Act with Vigor Volume 2." 160 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,852 - On the roof of that building 161 00:06:34,919 --> 00:06:38,256 I made love to Marcia Gay Harden. 162 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,758 - Kind of a weird story to tell a little kid. 163 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,226 - Yeah, very weird. 164 00:06:42,326 --> 00:06:43,594 Let's get that free dinner. 165 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,264 - Wow, this is so great. 166 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:49,534 I haven't seen you in, like, 30 years. 167 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,904 - Seeing you again makes me feel so alive. 168 00:06:53,004 --> 00:06:54,505 - Mm-hmm, yes. 169 00:06:54,572 --> 00:06:56,407 - Oh, wow, you guys were all in acting school together? 170 00:06:56,507 --> 00:06:58,276 - Yeah, we-- - I was the star 171 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,177 of the class, but I have to say, 172 00:07:00,244 --> 00:07:03,381 my colleagues here were very supportive. 173 00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:06,050 - Well, you know, I'm not sure "star" is the word I'd use. 174 00:07:06,117 --> 00:07:08,419 - Gary, tell our friends here the anecdote 175 00:07:08,519 --> 00:07:11,722 about the time Daniel Day-Lewis saw me perform 176 00:07:11,789 --> 00:07:14,292 and said, "Now, that is acting." 177 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,427 - Did that happen? I have no memory of that. 178 00:07:16,527 --> 00:07:19,297 - Tom, listen, I'm gonna run to the little boys' room. 179 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,299 If the waiter comes, order me a martini 180 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,635 with gherkins not olives and tell him not to drown it 181 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:27,905 in vermouth like a bourgeois fool. 182 00:07:27,972 --> 00:07:29,974 - We'll just order when you're back. 183 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:33,311 - Tom, I want you to lean in and listen to me. 184 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,745 - Okay. What's up, Gary? 185 00:07:34,812 --> 00:07:37,982 - Whatever he's teaching you, do the opposite. 186 00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:40,418 - Why? I thought he's the best actor of his generation. 187 00:07:40,484 --> 00:07:42,153 - Who told you that? - Him. 188 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,988 - Yeah, he--he says it a lot. 189 00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:46,557 - Oh, he was terrible, the worst. 190 00:07:46,624 --> 00:07:48,092 - Mm, I don't like this. 191 00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:49,994 - So he didn't--he didn't pass on "The Godfather" 192 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,796 'cause it was beneath him? 193 00:07:51,896 --> 00:07:54,832 - They wouldn't even let him do background work 194 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:55,800 in "Porky's." 195 00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:57,301 - This is a disaster. 196 00:07:57,401 --> 00:07:59,337 I just did a seven-day boot camp with the guy. 197 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:02,473 - Forget everything he taught you and remember this-- 198 00:08:02,573 --> 00:08:03,941 less is more. 199 00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:05,576 - Less is more. Less of what? 200 00:08:05,643 --> 00:08:07,011 - A good actor can convey more 201 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,080 with a look than a thousand words. 202 00:08:09,146 --> 00:08:10,481 - It's all in your face. 203 00:08:10,581 --> 00:08:12,183 - Just show 'em my face, and I'm done? 204 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,852 - Yes, Tom. A subtle grimace... - Ooh, I like that. 205 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,122 - Or a menacing sneer. - I have to admit-- 206 00:08:18,189 --> 00:08:19,824 Gary does seem like he knows what he's talking about. 207 00:08:19,924 --> 00:08:22,426 - I feel afraid, but I'm also turned on. 208 00:08:22,493 --> 00:08:24,462 - It's weird that he's still sneering, 209 00:08:24,528 --> 00:08:26,764 but it is--it is dramatic. 210 00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:31,135 - I mean, I don't mean to boast, 211 00:08:31,202 --> 00:08:35,973 but I did train in New York with a instructor named Gary. 212 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,708 - Wow, cool. - Incredible. 213 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,111 - Had some nibbles at Orso. The whole thing is just-- 214 00:08:40,177 --> 00:08:41,712 - Thomas. - Hey, Mr. B. 215 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,214 It's the big night. I'm ready to go. 216 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,615 - Fantastic. 217 00:08:44,682 --> 00:08:46,851 Let's see what level you're performing at. 218 00:08:46,951 --> 00:08:48,886 - Oh, you wanna run the lines? - Yes, Thomas. 219 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,888 - I wasn't planning on saying any of the lines. 220 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:52,323 - What are you talking about? 221 00:08:52,390 --> 00:08:54,325 - Your friend Gary said less is more, so... 222 00:08:54,392 --> 00:08:56,227 - Tom, you need to talk. 223 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:59,630 Acting requires talking. 224 00:08:59,697 --> 00:09:01,399 - Get it together. - Ouch. 225 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,802 Oh, no, your friend Gary said all I have to do is this... 226 00:09:04,869 --> 00:09:06,737 - Who's Gary? - Ouch. 227 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,239 Can someone restrain the cat, please? 228 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,408 - Gary is an imbecile. - What? 229 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:14,745 - I have no choice but to step in and play the part myself. 230 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,914 - Oh, no, Mr. B, I don't know if acting's your strong suit. 231 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:20,518 - Tom, I am going on. Give me the costume. 232 00:09:20,584 --> 00:09:23,187 - No, Mr. B, please. Please. Hey, stop. Mr. B. 233 00:09:23,254 --> 00:09:27,591 - Get ready for a master class in drama. 234 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,393 - Not gonna lie, I had more fun last year 235 00:09:29,493 --> 00:09:31,595 when I vomited and pooped in my pants. 236 00:09:33,497 --> 00:09:35,099 - Hey, folks, quick update here-- 237 00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:36,934 uh, there's been a bit of a casting change. 238 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:40,404 The lead will now be played by our very own Mr. B, 239 00:09:40,504 --> 00:09:42,206 and Tom is back to playing the village idiot. 240 00:09:42,273 --> 00:09:43,607 Okay, thanks so much. 241 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:44,709 - Hang on. What? 242 00:09:47,078 --> 00:09:50,414 - Our story begins at a bleak café in Denmark. 243 00:09:50,514 --> 00:09:53,084 A lone cat moans in the distance... 244 00:09:56,887 --> 00:10:00,725 - As a old man named Valdemar enters frame. 245 00:10:00,791 --> 00:10:03,127 - A plague, you say? 246 00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:04,462 - Oh, my God. 247 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,198 - Dear parents... 248 00:10:07,264 --> 00:10:09,567 We shall meet again. 249 00:10:09,633 --> 00:10:13,771 And we shall run through the daffodils 250 00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:16,974 forever more. 251 00:10:21,312 --> 00:10:23,914 - What the hell was that? - That sucked. 252 00:10:25,382 --> 00:10:26,984 - Are they saying "you" or "boo"? 253 00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:30,588 - That was awful. And I'm friends with that man. 254 00:10:30,654 --> 00:10:32,389 - Mr. B, can I give you some acting tips real quick? 255 00:10:32,456 --> 00:10:35,493 - Well, you may as well, Tom. Everybody else has. 256 00:10:38,229 --> 00:10:40,898 Tom, I'm afraid you might be right. 257 00:10:40,965 --> 00:10:43,734 All right, you fucking idiots, 258 00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:46,837 we'll take it from Valdemar's soliloquy. 259 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,742 Terence, my dear, dear Terence, 260 00:10:51,809 --> 00:10:56,447 I must ask, and I must ask now. 261 00:10:56,514 --> 00:11:00,851 Who amongst you lost wastrels... 262 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,953 farted? 263 00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,855 - What the hell was that? 264 00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,757 - Get him off the stage. 265 00:11:06,824 --> 00:11:09,360 - Um, it's called comic relief, 266 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,429 you soulless gnomes. 267 00:11:12,496 --> 00:11:15,499 - Man, who says "fart" and don't get a laugh? 268 00:11:15,599 --> 00:11:17,768 - Yeah, he really butchered my mom's dialogue. 269 00:11:17,835 --> 00:11:19,670 On paper, that line was great. 270 00:11:19,770 --> 00:11:21,705 - ♪ Remember, there's more road ♪ 271 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,307 ♪ And places to go ♪ 272 00:11:23,374 --> 00:11:25,709 ♪ And patterns to contemplate ♪ 273 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,444 ♪ More people to fornicate ♪ 274 00:11:27,511 --> 00:11:30,481 ♪ And remember, there's a lot of good omens ♪ 275 00:11:30,548 --> 00:11:33,150 ♪ Supplying the proof that our life ♪ 276 00:11:33,217 --> 00:11:35,653 ♪ Is the best joke ever told ♪ 277 00:11:35,719 --> 00:11:39,557 ♪ Remember, it's a joke and leave it alone ♪ 278 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:44,061 ♪ Let go and try to be always abiding ♪ 279 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:48,199 ♪ Remember, if there's one good reason for dying ♪ 280 00:11:48,299 --> 00:11:50,201 ♪ The sweet silver lining ♪ 281 00:11:50,301 --> 00:11:52,403 ♪ Through you she lives on ♪ 282 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,405 ♪ And therein lies a truth ♪ 283 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,307 ♪ We can sip when we want ♪ 284 00:11:56,373 --> 00:12:01,045 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪ 21714

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