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1
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,340
- Okay, gang!
2
00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:09,376
It's National
Physical Fitness month!
3
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,212
And last year we were ranked
in the bottom 5th percentile,
4
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:16,483
which is considered
"lethargic and grossly unfit"!
5
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,385
Now how does this
make y'all feel?
6
00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:19,652
- Meh, I don't care.
7
00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:20,987
- Yeah,
that sounds about right.
8
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,589
- It's fine.
- Come on, everybody!
9
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,923
Let's prove 'em wrong!
10
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,393
Now Tom,
lead us off with some chin-ups.
11
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:28,895
- You know what, I'd love to,
I'm just not a big chin-up guy.
12
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,598
- Tom, nobody
is a "big chin-up guy."
13
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,067
Get up on this bar.
- I really don't want to do it.
14
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:37,103
I--I just end up dangling there
and a lot of grunting--
15
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,671
It's really embarrassing.
16
00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:41,074
It's embarrassing
for everyone watching.
17
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:42,742
- Get...on...that...bar!
18
00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:44,277
- All right, you know what,
let's just--let me bang out
19
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,845
a quick ten and--
20
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,013
Here's ten, you ready?
21
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:49,249
- You got it.
22
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:50,550
-
- Come on.
23
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,419
- Dig deep!
- It's not happening.
24
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:53,953
- Use those scrawny arms, Tom!
- It's not working.
25
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,455
I told you.
- Pull yourself up!
26
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,723
- You're making it worse.
- Pull yourself up!
27
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:57,791
- The arms aren't powerful en--
28
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,092
- Tom, pull yourself--
29
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:00,527
You know what?
I'm gonna just help you.
30
00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:01,928
I'ma give you a little boost.
- Oh, no.
31
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,229
What are you doing?
- Oh, snap!
32
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:04,597
Look, he got his
hands on his butt!
33
00:01:04,697 --> 00:01:06,232
- That is so not allowed!
34
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,934
- Ugh!
- Everybody just calm down.
35
00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:09,903
This is called spotting.
You need to mind your business.
36
00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:11,204
Hey!
Put the phone down.
37
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:12,372
This is not what it looks like.
38
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:13,306
- Uh! Agh!
39
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,375
- Oh, my--
Damn it.
40
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,243
- Oh, wow, look at that.
I got a boo-boo on my knee.
41
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,745
I'm, uh--
can I go to the nurse?
42
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:19,946
- Did he just say "boo-boo"?
43
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:21,214
- Is boo-boo the wrong phrase?
44
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:24,617
- This whole generation
is soft!
45
00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:26,152
- Hey, uh, nurse Denise?
46
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,921
- Yeah?
- I need a quick Band-Aid.
47
00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:29,956
I had a little boo-boo--
little gym slip-up.
48
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:33,126
- Guess what, Tom.
I don't have any Band-Aids.
49
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,495
Do you wanna know why?
- I don't know, poor planning?
50
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,765
- Because this school
doesn't give me the budget.
51
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,733
- Oh!
- They value athletics
52
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,669
more than healthcare.
- Can I just get the--
53
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,637
some kind of Band-Aid or gauze?
Do you have any gauze?
54
00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:47,474
- We've got
a broken system, Tom.
55
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:51,144
And you are gonna help fix it.
You're a warrior now.
56
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:52,679
- Oh, no.
I don't want to be a warrior.
57
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,081
- All you have to do
is walk back to the gym
58
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,817
and say,
"I can't move my neck."
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00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:00,153
- I can't say that.
I got full mobility of my neck.
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00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:01,354
- Okay, well, pretend.
All right?
61
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,822
You ever heard of acting?
62
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:04,624
This is your chance
to make a difference.
63
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:05,992
Do it for the children, Tom.
64
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,161
- I am the children.
Children don't typically
65
00:02:08,261 --> 00:02:09,963
do things "for the children."
66
00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:11,831
- Okay.
Do you remember your line?
67
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:13,266
- Can't move the neck.
68
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,667
- My neck, it's not "the" neck.
- My neck.
69
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:15,935
- It's yours.
- My neck.
70
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:17,337
- And stop waving
your head around.
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00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:18,638
You can't move your neck
72
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,006
while saying
"I can't move my neck."
73
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:21,641
- All right.
I can't move my neck!
74
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,042
- Yes, but with conviction.
75
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,711
- All right, here we go.
Try this on for size.
76
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,213
I can't move my neck!
-
77
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,715
Get that boy on the ground!
78
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,050
- I'm--I'm okay.
- Tom, don't move.
79
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,186
Are you okay?
- I'm good.
80
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:36,222
It's not a big thing.
- How many fingers
81
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,557
am I holding up?
82
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:38,691
- You're holding
a cup of coffee.
83
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:40,026
- Yes, Tom, but I'm holding up
84
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,362
the cup of coffee with fingers.
85
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,130
- Mr. B, I'm handling this!
86
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:46,032
- You're clearly not, Denise!
87
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,700
- Mr. B, lower your voice.
- Here, Tom,
88
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,836
Let me help you up.
- No, don't lift me up.
89
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,971
Mr. B, please.
- Hey, drop that boy right now.
90
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:53,706
- Whoa, ow!
- Oh, my God.
91
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,375
- Okay, nobody touch him.
92
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,010
There's liability issues here,
okay?
93
00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:58,378
- You know what?
You can go back--
94
00:02:58,478 --> 00:02:59,712
Go back to your office.
False alarm.
95
00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:01,080
- Okay, listen to what
he said
96
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,549
and ignore it.
- Oh, man.
97
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,151
- Call 911
and tell 'em we've got a child
98
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:08,321
with a broken neck and
a minor abrasion on his knee.
99
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,989
- And you know, I would have
been able to treat this,
100
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:11,724
had I been given
the proper equipment.
101
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,027
- All right, bring it down.
Enough with that.
102
00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:15,728
- Okay, son.
Don't move.
103
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,931
I need you to tell me
exactly what happened.
104
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,532
- It was nothing,
let's go back to the gym.
105
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,067
- Son,
when they call the MedEvac,
106
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,402
it's not a nothing situation.
107
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,070
You are typically either dead
108
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,705
or very close to being dead.
109
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,273
- Oh, my God.
- Now give me a detailed
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00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,075
explanation of what's
going on with your neck.
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00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,778
- Yeah, Tom, this is
your chance to speak up.
112
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,880
For the children.
- Uh, all right.
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00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:36,015
Let's see.
As I remember,
114
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,384
I was banging out
quite a lot of chin-ups.
115
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:41,187
- What?
- I plummeted to the earth.
116
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:43,590
And I couldn't move my neck.
And that was basically it.
117
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,758
- So when did you
walk to the nurse?
118
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:48,094
- Oh, that's right.
So I broke my neck,
119
00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:50,296
and then I strolled over
and chatted with the nurse.
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00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,266
- You were chatting to
the nurse with a broken neck?
121
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:54,901
How did that happen, Tom?
122
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,703
- I'm very confused,
I'm not gonna lie.
123
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,071
- Uh, he's, uh, foggy.
124
00:03:58,137 --> 00:04:00,039
But you see what
gym class has done to him.
125
00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:01,474
- What happened?
Someone plummeted.
126
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,709
- Ah, yeah,
this guy's talkin' gibberish.
127
00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:04,143
Fire up the chopper, Charlie.
128
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,645
We're takin' this
son of a bitch to the city.
129
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,080
I mean,
his brain is totally messed up.
130
00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:08,615
It's just turds bouncin' around
131
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:09,949
in his skull at this point.
Let's go!
132
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,320
- Tom?
Tom, can you hear me, bud?
133
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,322
- Yeah, I'm right here.
- All right, good.
134
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,591
You're at the top spinal center
in Manhattan, Tom.
135
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,094
So even if I have
to completely rebuild
136
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,463
your whole neck from scratch,
you're gonna be okay.
137
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:25,331
- Rebuild?
Oh, no, don't rebuild anything.
138
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,800
- I don't need you to weigh in,
Tom--you're a child, I'm a man.
139
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:28,968
- But if you want
a second opinion--
140
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:30,470
- I don't need one--if I did,
141
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:31,771
I would get another doctor.
- I'm just saying,
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00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:32,805
don't rebuild anything,
143
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:33,773
don't slice anything--
144
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,841
- Well, if we have to,
145
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:35,975
we're gonna slice and dice and
146
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,143
put you right back together.
147
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:38,311
- Oh, my God.
- Such a brave
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00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:39,679
little boy you've got, ma'am.
149
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,481
- Oh, thank you.
He's a--he's a trooper.
150
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,449
Unlike his dad,
who's nailin' some slut
151
00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:45,285
in Myrtle Beach right now.
- Okay, all right.
152
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:46,986
Not my business.
- You gotta see his Instagram.
153
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:48,588
You're gonna puke.
- Uhh, I don't
154
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,423
have time for that.
- They got a dog?
155
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,025
Like, who's gonna
take care of it?
156
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,993
They're constantly nailing
each other in their condo.
157
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:55,495
- I've gotta go.
- Look at this.
158
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,163
They went to eat
at a Bubba Gump last night.
159
00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:58,698
Look at her.
- Oh, boy, getting a page.
160
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,000
I've gotta run.
- Hang on, I gotta scroll.
161
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,535
- Tom!
Thank God you're alive.
162
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,170
- Hey, Nelson!
Thanks for comin'.
163
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:05,605
- Look man, we can't lose you.
164
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,140
- That's really nice.
That's really sweet.
165
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:09,108
- Yeah, I can't make new
friends on the bus, man.
166
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,343
I'm too old for that.
167
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:11,844
- Kind of a selfish take
on it, but okay.
168
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,680
- What's up, Tommy?
- Hey, Nelson's dad.
169
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:14,814
- I brought you
a little something here
170
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:15,848
to cheer you up, man.
171
00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:16,949
- Wait, what's this?
172
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:18,217
You got me a bunch of papers?
173
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,786
- That's paperwork
for your lawsuit.
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00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,120
I wanna represent you.
175
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:22,488
- Oh, no,
I'm not lookin' to sue anyone.
176
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,390
- Tom, in law,
this is what we call
177
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:25,992
a "must sue" situation.
178
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,226
- Hmm.
- Must sue?
179
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,162
- Must sue
- This feels really, uh--
180
00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:30,363
what's the word
I'm lookin' for?
181
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:31,564
- Privileged?
- No.
182
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,699
- Blessed?
- I was gonna say--
183
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:33,800
I was gonna say "weaselly."
184
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:36,302
- Tom!
It's an MSS.
185
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,637
It's a Must Sue Situation.
186
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:38,705
- I'm not sure
that's a real phrase.
187
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:39,706
- No, it's a real phrase.
188
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:40,873
- Right.
- I mean, I know
189
00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:42,342
we're not litigious people.
190
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:45,545
But if this is
a "must sue" situation,
191
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,347
I feel like
we don't have any choice.
192
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,048
- There you go.
- It's your call, Tom,
193
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:50,850
but I feel like
we gotta go for this.
194
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,385
- It's my call?
- It's your call.
195
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:53,886
- All right.
I think we're gonna pass.
196
00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:55,755
- Sounds like we're in.
Where do we sign?
197
00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:59,759
- Hi, kids.
This is, uh, your principal.
198
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,561
As you all know,
one of our students almost
199
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,196
died while exercising
last week,
200
00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:06,199
so please
be extra careful out there.
201
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:07,767
I love you kids
like you're my own,
202
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,402
and you know that, okay?
203
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,170
This announcement's
brought to you by Hooters.
204
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:12,905
You're not old enough
to enjoy boobs,
205
00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:14,674
but when you are,
you'll come into Hooters.
206
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,276
- Hey, you wanted to see me?
207
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,511
- Tommy, these headlines,
208
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:20,079
they're making us
look horrible.
209
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,748
- Yeah, it's getting
a lot of press, isn't it?
210
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,283
- "Rogue Gym Teacher Sued
for Chin-Up Disaster"?
211
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,551
- Yeah.
212
00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:27,453
- "Butt Grabbing
Almost Kills Student"?
213
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:28,521
- He did grab it.
214
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:29,889
- "Dumbbell Gym Teacher
215
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,425
up to His Neck
in Chin-Up Debacle"?
216
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,594
- I was told it's
a "must sue" situation,
217
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,729
so you gotta just
go ahead with the suing.
218
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:38,564
- Listen,
we can't have this go to trial.
219
00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:40,600
So tell your mom
that the school's gonna
220
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:43,236
be preparing
a settlement offer, and, uh,
221
00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:45,938
here's the number
we were thinking.
222
00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:49,308
- This says "pick up booze
and rubbers for the party."
223
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,810
- Oh, shit, that's the wrong--
224
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,445
- What's a rubber?
What's going on here?
225
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:53,913
- I had it written down on
a little piece of paper,
226
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,415
I don't know what
I did with it, I'm sorry.
227
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,150
- Wanna just tell me?
- It's $1 million,
228
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,651
but I just--
- $1 million dollars?
229
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,219
That's fantastic.
- Yeah, it's a good number,
230
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:01,988
but I was looking forward
to sliding it over.
231
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,456
That seems to be the fun part.
232
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,591
- $1 million dollars?
233
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,126
- That's what he said.
He said a million.
234
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:10,563
- Oh, Tom, baby.
We are new people now.
235
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,266
I'm definitely getting
one of those suits you put on
236
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,067
so you can jump off
of high things and fly.
237
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:17,003
- Oh, like a bungee cord?
- No, I'm talking about
238
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,106
a thing that looks like
a flying squirrel, a wingsuit.
239
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,974
- You know what I'm gonna buy?
- What?
240
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:23,176
- I'm gonna buy a backpack.
241
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,510
- No need.
I already pulled you
242
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,945
out of school.
- I'm out?
243
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,613
- Yeah.
Rich kids don't go to school.
244
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,081
- I think they go to school,
but hey,
245
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,283
you're the mom here, right?
246
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,485
- Hola,
señoritas and señoritos.
247
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,753
Welcome to Papitos.
248
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:36,088
- Oh, my God.
Coach, is that you?
249
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,424
- Oh...no!
250
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,327
This is really embarrassin'.
I'm not gonna lie.
251
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,163
They fired me.
Said my negligence
252
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:45,865
could cost the school
a fortune.
253
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,800
- You're gonna be good though.
You landed on your feet.
254
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,168
- You call this on my feet?
255
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:50,670
- You got a great job
as a busboy.
256
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:52,438
- This job pays minimum wage,
257
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,874
and I had to sell my car
to make rent.
258
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,109
I walked 3 miles
to work today.
259
00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:58,377
- Good exercise.
260
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,012
National physical fitness
month, right?
261
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:01,347
- Oh, you're just gonna
262
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:02,882
throw that in my face, huh?
263
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,318
It's not right.
I do these things in the gym
264
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:06,519
because I care.
265
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:07,887
- Aw, that's sweet.
266
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,989
- I didn't win any trophies
as a kid.
267
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,891
No one encouraged me.
268
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,694
So when I push
your kids to succeed,
269
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:16,362
I do it out of love.
270
00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,498
The love I never had.
271
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,534
- That's the
most beautiful thing
272
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:22,702
I've ever heard in my life.
273
00:08:26,472 --> 00:08:28,808
- Oh, hey.
Hey, guys, not now.
274
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,843
Not a good time, guys.
Not a good time.
275
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,880
- Yeah, guys, swing on back.
This is very inappropriate.
276
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:35,414
- Really killin' the moment.
277
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,550
- You don't see the emotions
on my face right here?
278
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:38,985
- You guys should stop
at this point.
279
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:41,220
At this point it's belligerent.
280
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,022
Sit down, Coach.
- Coach, sit down.
281
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,390
- Oh, you wanna play?
282
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,492
- Coach, please.
- You guys wanna play?
283
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,527
- Oh, my God!
No!
284
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:48,494
Coach, please!
285
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:49,862
- Eat that guacamole!
286
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:50,897
- Don't--not the guacamole!
287
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,331
- Don, stop it.
288
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,432
Pack your locker, okay?
289
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,734
I need to let you go.
290
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,168
- Me?
What'd I do?
291
00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:58,004
- You're drunk!
And you're force-feeding
292
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:00,006
guacamole to
the singer of the band.
293
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:02,608
Plus you've got
a terrible Mexican accent.
294
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,744
- I--I might have lied on the--
on the résumé.
295
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,078
I'm not really from Mexico.
296
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,413
- You told them
you were from Mexico?
297
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,882
- He wrote Oaxaca
on the résumé.
298
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,752
Can I at least
keep the sombrero?
299
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,121
- No, you don't get
to keep the sombrero.
300
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,591
- No, no more chin-ups.
301
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,726
No, guacamole!
Must sue!
302
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,929
Must sue, must sue.
Can't move my neck!
303
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,096
Ah--no!
Can't move my neck!
304
00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,598
- Buddy, wake up!
Wh--oh.
305
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:27,266
Oh, hey, Ma.
- Are you okay?
306
00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:29,068
- Yeah, I think so.
Just having a beautiful dream.
307
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,070
- Aw, that sounds nice.
- You know, I've been thinkin',
308
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,772
maybe we should
pull the plug on this lawsuit.
309
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,707
I--I didn't know the coach
was gonna get fired.
310
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:37,376
- Bud, a lot of good's
gonna come from this.
311
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,111
Kids will be safer in gym
because of you.
312
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,414
- Let's just give--
let's just give the coach half.
313
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,615
- Tom.
314
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:43,883
You're a sweet guy.
315
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,117
But half's a little crazy.
316
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,320
- I mean,
at least give him 2/3 or--
317
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,388
- You know that's
more than half right?
318
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:50,456
- I don't know, 7/8ths?
319
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:52,258
- Wh--babe, that's even more!
320
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,827
- Who even knows what these
numbers even mean anymore.
321
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,429
I just don't want
the coach to suffer.
322
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:58,297
He had to sell his car.
I mean, that's crazy.
323
00:09:58,397 --> 00:10:00,132
- You know what?
You just gave me an idea.
324
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:02,969
Tomorrow,
we're gonna make things right
325
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:05,771
with one simple, selfless act.
326
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:07,340
That sound good?
- Sounds amazing.
327
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,642
- I'm proud of you, buddy.
You hurt your neck,
328
00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:11,944
you ate Mexican food,
you did good.
329
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,246
- Settin' the bar kind of low,
but thank you.
330
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,748
- How many times
I gotta tell you,
331
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,249
they don't let me
keep the sombrero.
332
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:18,784
- Well, what the hell
were you doing
333
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,786
that they wouldn't
let you take the sombrero?
334
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:22,321
- Why do you always think
I'm doing something?
335
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:23,956
It's corporate policy!
336
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,025
- 'Cause you know I wanted
to wear that for Taco Tuesday.
337
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,660
- You're always with
your cultural appropriation.
338
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,662
Y--you don--
339
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,998
- Hey, how's it going, Coach?
340
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:34,033
- Oh, it's you.
- Sorry to interrupt.
341
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,168
Listen,
we have a surprise for you.
342
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:37,803
- I think you've done enough,
okay?
343
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,839
- I would love it if
you could just hear Tom out,
344
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,841
because, uh,
he is about to perform
345
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,476
a random act of generosity
346
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,478
that is really gonna
touch your hearts.
347
00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:46,879
- Really?
- That's right.
348
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,115
Coach, this is our way
of saying thank you
349
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:50,716
for 20 years of teaching.
350
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,151
- This is the key...
351
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,053
to a brand new Ford Taurus.
-
352
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,221
- There it is.
- Wait, what?
353
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,690
Oh, my gosh.
-
354
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,192
Oh, my God.
This is amazing!
355
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:02,161
- It's all yours.
- Wait a minute.
356
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,830
- Is that bird crap on the car?
- What's that?
357
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:05,965
- Is it?
Wait a minute.
358
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,800
- Is that bird crap on the car?
359
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,702
- Bird crap, where?
- Right there, right there.
360
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:11,203
Is that bird crap?
- That is bird crap.
361
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:12,805
- Did we say new?
Did you say new, Mom?
362
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,073
It's not new.
- No, I di--
363
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,408
if I did say that,
I didn't mean to.
364
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,709
It's actually a 2004.
365
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:20,880
- A 2004?
- But it's all yours.
366
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,181
- I think we're good.
367
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,050
- I'm sorry, Coach,
but we insist.
368
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,484
We already leased a new Tesla,
369
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:27,219
so this is yours,
whether you like it or not.
370
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:30,923
- So you're just unloading
your old-ass junker onto us?
371
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,426
- No, this is more of like an
Oprah Winfrey type situation.
372
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,529
- Oprah would've washed the
damn bird crap off first, okay?
373
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:37,897
- No one knows
what Oprah would've done.
374
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:40,566
- Oprah would've
washed the bird crap!
375
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,769
- All right, thank you
for coming, everybody.
376
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,905
- Listen, I just
want to say before we start,
377
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:48,841
I like to have a catchphrase
for each trial.
378
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,576
And we're gonna go with,
379
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:52,278
"If he broke his neck,
380
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,612
you must write check."
381
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,415
-
Wow, that was great.
382
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:59,752
Listen,
how 'bout a check for $0?
383
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,854
- $0?
What are you talking here?
384
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:03,689
- Yeah, that sounds low.
That sounds low.
385
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:05,858
- Oh, well, guess what?
We reviewed Tom's MRI,
386
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,293
and we're a little concerned.
387
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,528
- What could you be
concerned about exactly?
388
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,030
- Yeah, what's going on?
- Sit back,
389
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:13,432
sand down the aloofness,
and you'll understand.
390
00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:15,134
This is the part
I'm concerned about.
391
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,736
"The neck looks fine.
392
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:19,605
"No injury whatsoever.
393
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:22,241
Why is this idiot
in the hospital?"
394
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,442
- The doctor wrote "idiot"?
395
00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,377
- He's a
tell-it-like-it-is doctor.
396
00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:27,880
- Sorry. I might've
overstated my injuries.
397
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,115
- Ooh.
- Tom.
398
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:30,549
- I'm sorry, Mom,
I know how much
399
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:32,218
you wanted
that flying squirrel suit.
400
00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:33,953
- Yup.
Anyway,
401
00:12:34,053 --> 00:12:36,922
looks like you have to go to
school like a normal poor kid.
402
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:39,125
- ♪ Remember
there's more road ♪
403
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,160
♪ And places to go ♪
404
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,162
♪ Patterns to contemplate ♪
405
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,964
♪ More people to fornicate ♪
406
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,967
♪ And remember
there's a lot of good omens ♪
407
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,735
♪ Supplying the proof ♪
408
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:53,139
♪ That our life
is the best joke ever told ♪
409
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:57,176
♪ Remember it's a joke
and leave it alone ♪
410
00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:01,480
♪ Let go and try to be
always abiding ♪
411
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:05,618
♪ Remember if there's
one good reason for dying ♪
412
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,787
♪ The sweet silver lining ♪
413
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:10,156
♪ Through you she lives on ♪
414
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:11,690
♪ And therein lies a truth ♪
415
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,826
♪ We can sip when we want ♪
416
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:15,795
♪ Disciples of the flow ♪
417
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:18,097
♪ We can float anywhere ♪
31559
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