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1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:04,047
She won an Oscar.
She built a wellness empire,
2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,918
and her next move
is to create a candle
3
00:00:05,962 --> 00:00:07,572
that smells like her --Her front bottom.
4
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:10,053
I don't know why, I just had to
smell it for myself.
5
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,447
This is underwhelming.
I thought it would be bigger.
6
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,057
I mean, even for someone like me
7
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,624
who likes that area
more than others,
8
00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:17,626
I mean, I don't want my
whole house to smell like it.
9
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:18,888
Yeah. So many variables.
10
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:21,064
A woman's pH, her diet,
11
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,066
whether she's gone
on a long walk or not,
12
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,763
you know,
whether she's just a woman
13
00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,417
who produces more of that --Alrighty, let's light it up.
14
00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:27,766
I got places to be.
15
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,073
♪♪
16
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,774
I'm getting essence
of rosewater and...
17
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,037
lavender.
18
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,342
This is what I imagine
19
00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,778
like a cartoon hoo-ha
to smell like.
20
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:42,259
I don't smell anything.
21
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:43,956
Oh, okay, something's coming.
22
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,436
It's like a --
23
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,090
Oh! Oh, God, it just
hits you! Oh, my gosh!
24
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,309
My eyes are burning
a little bit.
25
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,093
That candle ran a marathon. Oh.
26
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,139
Yeah, well, stars,
they're just like us.
27
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:53,966
Mm, smells good in here.
28
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:58,275
Smells like
my grandma Betty's house.
29
00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:03,193
♪♪
30
00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:04,934
♪ Hey!
31
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,153
♪♪
32
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:07,545
Have fun.
33
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,721
Oh.
34
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:12,724
I thought I heard tires
screeching to a stop.
35
00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:14,726
Always a pleasure to see you,
Mrs. Lakier.
36
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,380
Okay, I hope the kids
37
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:17,903
are better actors than
you are. They're not.
38
00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:19,514
I need two tickets
to the Willy Wonka show,
39
00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:20,776
unless it's sold out.
40
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:22,038
Is it sold out?
41
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,300
Never for you.
42
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,650
Two tickets will be $14.
43
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,739
$14? Luke's an Oompa Loompa.
44
00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:29,480
He has one line -- "dippity-da."
45
00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:30,742
It's "dippity-doo."
46
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,179
Oh, my God, doesn't matter.
47
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:35,486
Actually, it's a very
famous line --
48
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:36,748
Oh, wow.
49
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,228
It's like the evidence locker
50
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:39,664
at a police station in there.
51
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:41,492
Okay, Higgins.
52
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:42,841
Here's that.
53
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,713
Ooh, a loosie.
54
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,497
Huh, oblong yellow.
55
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:49,021
I'm gonna have to Google that.
56
00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:50,588
The tickets. Ah.
57
00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:51,850
Is this gonna be good?
58
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,330
Not a chance.
59
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:54,853
Okay, great.
60
00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:56,551
Hey, guys.
61
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:59,031
What are you drinking?
62
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:02,861
Explain yourself,
and also give me a sip.
63
00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:05,342
♪♪
64
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:08,171
Okay, my blood
is easily 50% chemicals,
65
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,607
and that's too much for me.
66
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:11,218
It's a mocha-lotta-latte.
67
00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:13,437
It's basically frozen diabetes.
68
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,352
Something I would never
drink before.
69
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:16,919
But I gave her a book
about how saying yes
70
00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,529
can enhance your life
and make you happier.
71
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,706
I basically said no
to new experiences my whole life
72
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,360
because I was so busy
being a doctor,
73
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,057
and now I'm gonna
say yes because, you know,
74
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:26,407
what else am I gonna do?
75
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,539
Okay, so this'll be
about a week of yeses
76
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,976
followed by two full years
of hard nos.
77
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,762
I'm sorry, not you.
78
00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:37,244
Don't be this person,
Jodie. Huh, what person?
79
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,897
The person who likes someone
80
00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:41,378
and then makes their entire life
about that one person.
81
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,380
You're supposed to go through
this phase in high school
82
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:45,077
because then you can get new
friends, but, I mean, we're it.
83
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,079
I mean, after us,
it's what, like PTA
84
00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:48,385
or, I don't know, AA.
85
00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:49,734
Or AAA.
86
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,867
I'm not making Matt
my whole world.
87
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,565
In fact, I'm starting
a new organizing business.
88
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,567
Been doing it for free
ever since I had kids, so...
89
00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,003
That's awesome,
Jodie. This is great!
90
00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:59,440
I've already started
transforming my home
91
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,137
with The Jodie Method.
92
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,053
Still workshopping
the name. Uh-huh.
93
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:05,707
Yeah. But do you guys want
to come over after here
94
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,274
and see my shelving vision?
95
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:10,320
Jodie, you know that
things in their proper place
96
00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:11,800
give me severe anxiety.
97
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:17,109
And I assume that's a no
for you, Sarah, so... yes?
98
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,808
Is that why you gave me
the yes book?
99
00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,549
How long have you
been planning this?
100
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,943
Uh... Oh, God.
101
00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:26,902
What? W-What happened?
102
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,730
What did he do?
It's Luke's school.
103
00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:30,079
Mr. Higgins: Hi, Mrs. Lakier.
104
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:31,298
It's Mr. Higgins.
105
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:32,777
No emergencies. I just wa--
106
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:35,084
Uh, you know what,
I'm going through a tunnel,
107
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:37,260
so I'm pro--
I'm -- my -- losin--
108
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,914
Oh.
109
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:40,611
Oh, damn it.
110
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:44,354
Still in a --unnel.
111
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:45,703
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
112
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,575
I just wanted to say
that we really love
113
00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:49,751
having you around the school
more often,
114
00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:51,579
and your love of your children,
115
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,755
it really shines
through your scowl.
116
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,017
Tunnel.
117
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,366
I have a drug question.
118
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:57,759
Just out of the tunnel.
119
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,456
What's -- What --
How can I help you?
120
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,154
Well, you see, my pharmacy
ran out of my focus medication,
121
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,895
and I couldn't help
but notice this morning
122
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,680
that you had quite a lot
of pharmaceuticals,
123
00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:08,291
and one of them appeared
to be focus-related.
124
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:09,684
Mm-hmm, methamphetamines.
125
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:11,512
Go on. I'll cut to the chase.
126
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:14,297
You gots what I needs.
127
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,213
Well, I mean, any--
128
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,171
Anything to help the school,
129
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,130
and something finally
in my skillset.
130
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:22,653
Look, I'm headed to work now,
131
00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:24,002
so, I mean,
where do you want to meet?
132
00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:25,743
I could -- I could swing by
the school.
133
00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:28,659
No, no, no, no, no,
that would be unprofessional.
134
00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,357
Uh, how about your house?
135
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,098
Uh, here's the thing, I don't
want to be that kind of mom,
136
00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:35,318
but, you know, I mean,
a drug deal at the house
137
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,798
is a little sketch.
138
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,321
It's not a drug deal.
I'm not paying you.
139
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:39,714
Oh, okay, perfect.
140
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,020
Perf it is.
141
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,893
And now the pièce de résistance.
142
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,243
Jodie, do I really
have to see the bathroom?
143
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,724
Are you kidding me?
This is my specialty.
144
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,508
Plus, Mackenzi Cox
has already cornered
145
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,249
the garage, kitchen,
and closet market.
146
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,512
Then why did I have to see
the garage, kitchen, and closet?
147
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,253
To build suspense.
148
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,907
Over the course of their lives,
149
00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:01,518
women spend 2 years and 40 days
in the bathroom.
150
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,433
Men actually spend 85 more days,
151
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,739
'cause, you know...
152
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:07,611
Shaving. Yeah, that's it.
153
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,316
School mom. Nightmare.
154
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,492
I was trying to create
a home sanctuary.
155
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,058
I really think I nailed it.
156
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:21,712
Jodie, where did you learn
how to do all this?
157
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,540
Oh, it's intuitive.
Plus YouTube.
158
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:25,368
In the basket over the bathtub,
159
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:26,848
you'll find your towels...
160
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,806
and over here, you'll find
your different soaps.
161
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,504
Go ahead, check 'em out.
Go look, look at 'em.
162
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:31,766
I'm looking.
163
00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:33,637
Sarah, you have to say yes
to self-care.
164
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,073
I mean, look at those soaps.
165
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:42,559
♪♪
166
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:47,259
Feel the towels.
167
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:49,436
You know, normally,
I really wouldn't feel towels.
168
00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:52,264
Okay. I'm gonna feel the towels.
169
00:05:52,308 --> 00:06:01,970
♪♪
170
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:09,412
♪♪
171
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,674
Oh, God.
172
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,328
Jodie, are you on your phone?
173
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,808
♪♪
174
00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:16,680
I'm texting Dan!
175
00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:25,036
♪♪
176
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:28,213
Hey.
177
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,606
Sarah's in the bathroom
so I'm whispering,
178
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:30,868
but I messed up bad.
179
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:32,696
I messed up real bad!
180
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,394
Oh, my God, this is my favorite
kind of conversation.
181
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:35,960
Go.
182
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,223
I accidentally sent Dan
an R-rated text meant for Matt!
183
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,791
I am just getting
the best phone calls today.
184
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,053
Amy!
185
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,142
I need a lie, like right now!
186
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,622
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
187
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,711
Uh, you're with a bunch
of moms at the park.
188
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:49,496
One of them thought it would be
a good idea to text your husband.
189
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,323
You couldn't get
your phone back because, well,
190
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:53,238
I mean, the -- the mother was in
a wheelchair and you felt bad.
191
00:06:53,282 --> 00:06:55,327
Why is she in a wheelchair?
Because she broke her hip.
192
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,721
How did she break her hip? She
tripped on a toy, so she's gonna be
193
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,636
out of commission
for four to six more weeks.
194
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,159
Aww, poor thing.
195
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,379
Oh, wait. Wow, you're good.
196
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,337
It's all about the backstory.
197
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,817
Wait.
198
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,254
Dan texted me!
199
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,170
A thumbs-up emoji?
200
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:13,476
I put myself out there sexually
201
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,738
and all he can muster
is a thumbs up emoji?
202
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,348
He's such a jerk.
203
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,438
You got to be careful.
You are not good at this.
204
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:19,743
You're doing
some major-league lying
205
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,092
with some little-league skills.
206
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,833
From now on, I'm gonna be...
207
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:25,096
really careful.
Great, I got to go
208
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:27,664
'cause I got to go do a --
I got to go do a drug deal.
209
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:30,275
Okay. What?
210
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:39,546
♪♪
211
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:42,244
Matt.
212
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:47,510
Well, you have been
a real trouper.
213
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,556
Let's go -- What are you doing?
214
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:50,818
Hi.
215
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,602
I figured I'd say yes to a bath.
216
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,517
Oh, you're still doing that!
217
00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:58,956
Oh.
218
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,959
Yeah.
219
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,221
Hmm.
220
00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:06,877
Mm.
221
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:11,534
♪♪
222
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,102
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
223
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:16,583
Nice jumping that fence.
224
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:18,802
Alright, let's just get you... Whoa,
Mrs. Lakier, it's not that kind of visit.
225
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:21,544
Alright, I just need to make
sure you're not wearing a wire.
226
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,286
Oh, come on, let me have
a little fun with this.
227
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:25,983
Alright. Yeah, thank you.
228
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,333
Alright, now we're good,
we're good, we're good.
229
00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:29,552
Now...
230
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:34,122
Okay, let's see here.
231
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,906
Hmm.
232
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,212
Here we go, here we go.
233
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,474
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
234
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,084
These should be good.
235
00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:41,346
These'll definitely
put a little pep in your step.
236
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,652
Oh, great.
237
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,524
Now, a friend brought these back
from Cancun,
238
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,700
so you're gonna want to
keep some electrolytes on hand
239
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,353
and maybe a number
for poison control.
240
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:49,920
Anything else?
241
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,487
Mm, no, that's it.
242
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,576
Now, since you just have to
get 'til Thursday,
243
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,405
I can give you 10 fives,
or if you prefer, five 10s,
244
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:57,754
and you can just break the bars.
245
00:08:57,798 --> 00:08:59,495
I'll take five 10s,
and you know what,
246
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,105
just throw in
a couple of fives, too,
247
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:03,368
'cause I have back-to-back
parent-teacher conferences
248
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:05,109
on Wednesday
and those can be a lot.
249
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:06,371
Well, this counts as ours.
250
00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:08,460
Thank you for this.
251
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,158
I am gonna hit you back.
252
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:12,987
Someday,
and that day may never come.
253
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:16,773
I may call upon you
to do me a favor.
254
00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,777
I think
your "Godfather" impersonation
255
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,126
is slightly off.
256
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,476
Get out of here. Unbelievable.
257
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,568
You really suck the joy
out of being a drug lord.
258
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:31,353
Here's your tea!
259
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:34,574
I'm guessing that bath
is getting pretty cold by now.
260
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,967
No, no, it's perfect.
I just filled it.
261
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:40,014
Well, maybe you can
drink your tea
262
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:41,493
while you get dressed to leave.
263
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,147
Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere.
264
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:45,236
I'm catching up
on a lifetime of baths.
265
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,498
I'm gonna stay put.
266
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,984
Aren't you getting
really pruny in there?
267
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:56,596
Oh, I don't get pruny.
Just lucky that way.
268
00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:58,075
Well, I've got to go
269
00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,686
take Evan his soccer stuff
to school, so...
270
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:01,339
Okay.
271
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,864
Just, um, turn on some music
for me, like, something bathy.
272
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:06,127
Yeah.
273
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:12,220
Oh. Oh!
274
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,396
This is my jam.
275
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:15,702
Saying yes.
276
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:18,182
Saying yes to this.
277
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,533
Dude, this is so cool.
278
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:23,013
Hey, guys. You look great.
279
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:24,536
Oh, wow, Luke,
280
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,190
are you officiating
the Cirque du Soleil later?
281
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,018
I got the lead part in the play.
282
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,585
He's Wonka!
283
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,413
What?! Wow!
How about that? Yeah.
284
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:33,023
Congrats! This is major.
285
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,590
That's the problem!
286
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,462
I wanted to be in the background
with my friends.
287
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,855
Okay, oh, come on.
288
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,117
He has friends?
289
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,379
I mean, this is just
all good news today.
290
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:42,903
Well, he's upset
291
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,774
'cause he already memorized
"doompa-dee doo."
292
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:46,646
Maybe this is a little
out of his league.
293
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,648
I don't know, maybe the kid's
breaking out of his shell.
294
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,432
I don't think Mr. Higgins
would've given him Wonka
295
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:51,955
if he didn't think
he could do it.
296
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,217
Well...
297
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:55,698
"Well," what?
298
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,613
I might've had
something to do with that.
299
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,267
Oh, boy.
300
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:03,967
I, um --
I gave Mr. Higgins, uh...
301
00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:08,232
two free tickets
to my cooking show,
302
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:10,931
so he's probably just repaying
us by giving Luke the lead.
303
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:12,672
Don't they give those away
at the gas station?
304
00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,630
Okay, only when
we can't fill the audience
305
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,327
with people
from the halfway house.
306
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,677
Not big clappers.
307
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,114
Well, either way,
308
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,898
it's commendable
that you'd do that for your son.
309
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,683
And I'm not gonna lie,
310
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,597
that makes more sense than
Luke getting Mr. W on his own.
311
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,077
Alright, I'll call Higgins
and get him his old part back.
312
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:29,732
No, don't you even
think about that.
313
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,865
I've got my phone,
and I got him into this,
314
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,257
and I'm gonna --
315
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:34,737
I'm gonna get him
right out of this, so...
316
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:36,260
Mr. Higgins: Hi, Mrs. Lakier.
317
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:39,176
Oh, hey, Mr. Higgins.
Didn't even -- Didn't even ring.
318
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:41,265
Um, look, here --
Here's the thing.
319
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,832
We are -- We're so --
320
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:45,748
I mean, so nice of you to give
Luke the lead in the play,
321
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,271
but as it turns out,
he doesn't want it,
322
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,883
so if we could just get
the "doompa-dee doo" back,
323
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,711
that'd be great. No can doompa-dee doo.
324
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,451
If I keep jerking
these kids around,
325
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,018
it'll send a red flag
to the parents.
326
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:56,280
What's he saying?
327
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,108
Okay, can I just get
a little privacy?
328
00:11:58,152 --> 00:12:00,415
Why would you need
privacy right now? Ugh!
329
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:05,289
Okay, why don't I give you
another little care package?
330
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,638
Some, uh...
331
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,859
focus medicine, if you will?
332
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:11,731
Oh, I'm in a --unnel.
333
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,558
I can't --
334
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,040
Well, it's -- it's too late.
335
00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:18,433
Playbills, they're printed,
336
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,391
so, you know,
I think this is for the best.
337
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,219
'Cause do we want
to send the message to our kids
338
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:24,352
that any time they don't want
to rise to the occasion,
339
00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:25,701
we're just gonna bail them out?
340
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,616
He's 7. Exactly.
341
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:30,314
It is time for him
to learn those hard truths.
342
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:32,664
Alright, well, you better go
start rehearsing with him,
343
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:33,883
'cause the kid stinks.
344
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,276
Mm-hmm, okay.
345
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,757
Alright, Luke, let's put
this top hat back on.
346
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,584
It's gonna be
a long night, buddy.
347
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,807
Wait, why did you put this
back on? You're slowing me down.
348
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,548
Oh, I took
that picture yesterday.
349
00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:47,984
My muscles were poppin'.Okay, well,
take it back off.
350
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,681
Wow, really energetic today.
351
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:51,335
Is this that new pea powder
protein shake I recommended?
352
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,337
Say that three times fast.
353
00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:55,252
Pea powder protein, pea powder
protein, pea powder protein.
354
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:58,386
Shh!
355
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,041
Oh, no.
356
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,086
My mom's home early.
357
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,831
Oh.
358
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,572
Okay, she probably just
forgot her sudoku.
359
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,226
You know, I mean, she does them
when they're slow at the office.
360
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,705
Okay, but she won't
come down here, right?
361
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:14,924
Like,
she respects your privacy? Totally.
362
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:16,621
Um, well, unless she's got to
363
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,406
get something
out of the dryer. Woman: Matt?
364
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:19,668
That's your mom?
365
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:21,278
She sounds so young.
How old is she?
366
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:23,367
She's mom age. 46. And a half.
367
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:26,066
But don't call her 47,
'cause she'll get really mad.
368
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,763
Okay, I'm just gonna go say hi
369
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,634
and I'm gonna get her
right out the door, okay?
370
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:30,853
Yeah, don't forget about me.
371
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,202
Hey.
372
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:34,291
I could never forget about you.
373
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:35,727
Aww.
374
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:36,946
Go! Right.
375
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:39,470
"Mom age"?
376
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,920
Oh, come on, little blue line,
you can do it.
377
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,313
You can do it, you can do it,
you can do it.
378
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,575
♪♪
379
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,664
Damn.
380
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:06,149
♪♪
381
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:10,980
Best soak ever.
382
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:12,939
Amy: Don't scratch your butt
like that.
383
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,897
Luke: It's what I do
when I'm nervous.
384
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,681
Okay, well,
don't do that onstage.
385
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,727
Hey, Mr. Higgins.
386
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,250
Mr. Higgins: Hi.Thanks for
calling me back.
387
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:23,036
Look, I wanted to talk to you
about this Wonka deal.
388
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,429
I, uh -- I know you told Amy
that it's too late,
389
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:27,388
but is there
anything at all we can do
390
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,564
to get Luke back
in this Oompa Loompa role?
391
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,653
You know, at drop-off,
I couldn't help but notice
392
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,307
that your hair
looks naturally thick.
393
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:34,569
Oh.
394
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:36,049
Yeah, I guess
it is pretty thick.
395
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,572
Do you know anything
about hair pills?
396
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,009
Um... wait, why?
397
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,271
♪♪
398
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,707
Just take one a day,
399
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:43,926
and then the hair
will start growing back
400
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,188
in like three weeks.
401
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,061
You'll downgrade him
to Oompa Loompa?
402
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:49,323
Done.
403
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:51,629
♪♪
404
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:58,245
♪♪
405
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,205
How long have I been asleep?
406
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,207
Jodie?
407
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,993
♪♪
408
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:09,865
Honey, I'm home.
409
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:19,657
♪♪
410
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:25,620
♪♪
411
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,624
There's a flaw
in The Jodie Method.
412
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:30,886
♪♪
413
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,844
Where are you?
414
00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:34,063
Skipped the meeting.
415
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,326
Came home early for sex stuff.
416
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:38,241
Might only have time for me.
417
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,503
♪♪
418
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,679
Mm...
419
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:43,986
Okay, uh...
420
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,988
♪♪
421
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,250
Oh, no!
422
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,512
♪♪
423
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:00,263
Oh, no, no, no.
424
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:03,353
I mean, zero charisma.
425
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:06,356
I mean, I'm talking
Johnny Depp-level Wonka there.
426
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,532
Well, you don't have to
worry about it.
427
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:10,360
I got him his Oompa Loompa back.
428
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:13,015
You talked to Higgins?
What did he say?
429
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,364
Did he -- Did he mention me?
430
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,018
I did a terrible thing.
431
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,455
Huh, but did he mention me?
432
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:19,804
I feel so dirty.
433
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,458
Youfeel dirty?
434
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,720
Hmm.
435
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,809
Yeah.
436
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,376
You know how he thought your
cooking-show tickets were a bribe?
437
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,726
Mm-hmm, mm. My -- yeah,
my cooking-show tickets.
438
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,032
Well, I did way worse.
439
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:31,903
He asked me
why my hair is so thick,
440
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,557
and the next thing I knew,
I was slipping him
441
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:35,429
the last of my hair pills
through the back door.
442
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:36,908
Apparently,
his insurance company
443
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,214
stopped covering the good stuff.
444
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:40,042
What?! The last of it?
445
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,739
You have got to
get that refilled, Henry.
446
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:43,959
I told you, you do not have
the face for a bald man.
447
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,048
That's your takeaway?
448
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,398
I'm a scalp stimulants
trafficker.
449
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,052
Well, yeah. I mean,
I'm not happy about that.
450
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:52,054
It's extremely poor judgment
and it's hideous,
451
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,056
and I did think
that you were above all of that,
452
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,405
and we can never tell our son
453
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:56,928
because he'll lose
all respect for you,
454
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,408
but you know what?
455
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,758
Do not beat yourself up
about it.
456
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:03,500
Okay, I'll try.
I don't know that I can.
457
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,415
I know.
458
00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:08,375
Look, I know it's sixes,
459
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,942
but would it help you to know
that I, um --
460
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:13,684
I didn't give him tickets
to the cooking show?
461
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:16,339
I gave him, uh,
prescription drugs.
462
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,344
You gave a teacher drugs?
463
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,346
For our son, remember?
464
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,870
Look, I finally found a way
to contribute to Luke's school
465
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:28,525
instead of standing at some,
I don't know, car wash.
466
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,050
I'm helping
the teachers of America, okay?
467
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,703
I'm a good mother.
468
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,053
You're a drug lord.
469
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,576
Luke could get
kicked out of school.
470
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,186
You'd have to home school him.
471
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:38,448
You could get arrested.
472
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:41,060
Home school? In this house?
473
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:43,062
I don't know
how you live with you.
474
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,715
I-I feel like scum.
475
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:47,109
Well, the pills help,
but, I mean, I'd offer you one.
476
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:48,893
But as you know,
I'm running low now.
477
00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:50,721
I think the real --
The real thing here
478
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,288
is that we are good parents
479
00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:54,116
who want the worst for our son.
480
00:17:58,207 --> 00:18:00,644
Well, you make a good point.
481
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,995
You want to go upstairs
and tell him?
482
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,301
No, there's no way
I'm going back up there.
483
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,999
I'm definitely not going.
484
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,827
There's not enough of this
in the world.
485
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,659
Woman: Did you eat
the turkey I left?
486
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,661
Why do you look so flushed?
487
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,665
Gonna have to switch providers.
488
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:31,588
♪♪
489
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,591
♪♪
490
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,332
I don't know where Jodie is,
491
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,682
but she was supposed to be
my ride home.
492
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,162
♪♪
493
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,251
Oh, come on, core strength.
494
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:47,256
What am I doing?
495
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,041
What are you doing?
496
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,696
Okay.
497
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,611
Matt: Hey, babe.
498
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,222
Oh! Hey, what's going on?
499
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:57,484
Hey. Hi.
500
00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,877
Um, is your mom leaving?
501
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:02,445
Oh, no, she whipped out the sweatpants.
She's not going anywhere for a while.
502
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:04,839
Okay, I have to go.
This is the only way out, so...
503
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,101
Man, I really want
to feel bad about this,
504
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,668
but look at you.
505
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,931
I'm so glad we blasted
your glutes the other day.
506
00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:11,193
Your butt looks amazing.
507
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,587
Really?! Really?
508
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,763
Yes. Okay, do you mind
giving me a hand?
509
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:18,722
Alright, fine, but only because
I want to touch you.
510
00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:20,289
Whoa! Go, go, go!
511
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:21,812
Clench the buttocks!
512
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:26,295
Hey, you did it. I did it!
513
00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:27,644
I have a confession.Yeah.
514
00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:28,906
I didn't do anything. What?
515
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:30,256
Yeah, I knew you could do it.
516
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,693
Oh, okay. I got to go. Alright.
517
00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:34,129
Bye. Alright.
518
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,000
Wait, tell me
about my butt again.
519
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:38,612
Oh, my God, it looks amazing.
520
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,962
Bye.
521
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:43,443
♪♪
522
00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:51,973
♪♪
523
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,757
Ugh.
524
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,019
Saw his peanuts?
525
00:19:56,891 --> 00:20:00,851
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
526
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:08,990
Make a left here.
527
00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:10,426
Mm.
528
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:11,949
♪♪
529
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:14,430
Amy: I just never got sudoku.
530
00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:16,084
Amy, it was terrifying.
531
00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,825
I could've been caught
by his mother.
532
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,348
Can you imagine?
533
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:21,089
Oh, I've been caught by
a lot of moms back in the day.
534
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:22,438
And some girlfriends, too.
535
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:24,005
That -- That was actually
kind of fun.
536
00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:25,572
You must've been
freaking out, though.
537
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:27,617
I mean, what would you have done
if she had come down?
538
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:29,010
I don't know.
539
00:20:29,053 --> 00:20:31,012
I've become reckless.
540
00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:32,405
I'm unhinged.
541
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,755
I tossed everything
just to see him.
542
00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,757
Like, it didn't even occur to me
543
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,020
that I could blow up
my entire life if I got caught.
544
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,240
It was the most
exhilarating moment of my life.
545
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:43,459
It was so exciting,
and I could tell you
546
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,721
I'm going to stop,
and I should, but I'm not.
547
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:45,983
Of course not.
548
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:48,986
♪♪
549
00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,945
You can have your yes book back.
550
00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:52,425
How was I supposed to know
551
00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:54,557
you were going to take
the world's longest bath?
552
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,907
I was taking an interest
in your work. Where were you?
553
00:20:56,951 --> 00:20:58,909
I was at Evan's soccer game,
and I felt bad
554
00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:00,824
and had to help
a woman in a wheelchair.
555
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,086
Mm-hmm.
556
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:05,264
Dan and I, we smushed parts.
557
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,700
Oh, I know.
558
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:09,050
He's not nearly
as upset about it as you are.
559
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,358
Oh, okay, well, I have got to go
560
00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:14,534
get Luke kicked out of band.
561
00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:15,839
I'll tell you what,
562
00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:18,102
drugs really do
solve everything.
563
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,496
Do you have anything in there that
can help me forget about Dan's parts?
564
00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,063
No.
565
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:24,195
May-- no.
566
00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:25,675
♪♪
567
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:27,895
This helps me
forget about Dan's parts.
568
00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:29,853
♪♪
569
00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:31,246
It makes everything better.
570
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,726
♪ Yeah
571
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:38,384
♪♪
39929
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