Original subtitles

Welcome.

Welcome to Have I Got News For You.

I'm Roy Wood, Jr. In the news this week,

this is how it starts.

There are two people who have died.

A tourist has a confusing experience at Madame Tussaud's

Wax Museum.

Are these people real?

Are they alive?

And can they write an email?

White women get the pep talk they need it to thrive in '25.

To not give up, to not look down,

to not end up in the Container Store,

like I did for three weekends in a row.

On Amber's team tonight, you know him from Kids in the Hall,

Fargo, and News Radio.

Fun fact-- he was the one who first said to Joe Rogan, hey,

you ever heard of these things called podcasts?

It's Dave Foley.

And joining Michael, she's the representative from Texas's 30th

Congressional District.

And if she's got good posture, that's because lately, she's

the only Democrat with a spine.

It's Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett.

All right, let's get to the biggest stories of the week.

Amber and Dave, I'll start with you.

I'm going to show you a clip package referencing a major news

event from this week.

You look at the package.

Tell me, what is the story?

Helicopters, where aren't they?

That's a Russian flag. That's--

- And that's Ukraine. - a Ukrainian flag.

There's a contract--

And no, no, no, no.

There was a deal that was going

to be signed between the United States and the Ukraine.

They're calling it a deal.

It was more of like an extortion to sign over the rare

earth minerals.

- Vibranium. - Yeah.

Yes.

You had points right up to vibranium.

Yes, that is the story.

Mr. Zelenskyy, the old Ukrainian President,

came to Washington to nail out a deal over rare earth minerals.

And then it went completely off the rails.

Question off the top--

how did Trump greet the Ukrainian President, who is,

as of right now still, America's ally?

A chest bump?

It's not impossible.

It's not. It's not.

Trump greeted President Zelenskyy

with a customary American nagging.

You're all dressed up.

- . - clothes.

- How are you, Mr. President? - .

He's all dressed up today.

Bitch, my country is at war.

Oh, what?

I need to be dressed in war shit.

I can't go--

Traditionally, diplomatic attire requires a tie that

covers your balls.

You want me to be tough?

I can be tougher than any human being you've ever seen.

I'd be so tough.

You're right.

His tie is covering his balls.

And may I say, did you not find that comforting?

If Trump is bad cop, who was in there playing good cop?

There wasn't one.

It was Vice President JD Vance, who rolled out the Ohio

hospitality like this.

For four years of the United States of America,

we had a president who stood up at press conferences

and talked tough about Vladimir Putin.

And then Putin invaded Ukraine and destroyed

a significant chunk of the country.

What makes America a good country is America engaging

in diplomacy.

That's what President Trump is doing.

Vance said what he had to say.

Then Zelenskyy hit him with the old, well, actually.

Can I ask you?

- Sure. - Yeah?

Yeah.

OK.

So he occupied our parts, big parts of Ukraine,

part of East and Crimea.

So he occupied it on 2014.

Those time was Obama, then President Obama, then President

Trump, then President Biden, now the President Trump.

And God bless, now President Trump will stop him.

But during 2014, nobody stopped him.

He just occupied and took.

He killed people.

You know what?

Ooh.

Facts are rude.

Well, sometimes you got to Ukraine 'splain shit to people.

He came in, laid it out, and tied them up in their own words

in his fourth language.

That is how easy it is.

Yeah.

Zelenskyy said what he had to say.

Here was Vance in response.

With respect, I think it's disrespectful for you

to come into the Oval Office and try to litigate this in front

of the American media.

Right now, you guys are going around and forcing conscripts

to the front lines because you have manpower problems.

You should be thanking the president for trying to bring

an end to this conflict.

Oh, thank you for letting your dog shit in my yard.

Thank you.

Now, JD told Zelenskyy, you should be thanking me.

Now, how you think old Zelenskyy responded to that?

I'm pretty sure he realized the error of his ways.

Here, take 80% of our natural wealth.

Exactly.

Zelenskyy clapped back with this.

Have you ever been to Ukraine that you say what problems

we have?

Have you ever been there before?

Have you been to Ukraine?

To which JD Vance said--

I've actually watched and seen the stories.

And I know that what happens is you bring people,

you bring them on a propaganda tour, Mr. President.

If you watch it, you've been there.

I watched Star Wars, man, I've been to the Dagobah system.

I've been to Tatooine.

I've been there.

Have you been there?

I've seen the stories.

I didn't have the time to read them.

And I'm sure that they have a trip planned.

Because, obviously, Joe Biden did it.

So of course, they're going to walk and see what's going on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

As soon as there's a Trump Tower they can stay at.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

If you want to know how Zelenskyy is handling all

of this, just watch his eyebrows.

Anytime you see him on camera in America,

just look at his eyebrows right here.

They respect me.

Let me tell you.

My eyebrows get me in trouble, too.

It's like in a cartoon, where your eyebrows raise up off

of your head.

That's how high the mugs got.

There was a metaphor Trump kept coming back to over

and over.

He said, you don't have good cards.

You're not playing good cards.

And Zelenskyy took some offense to that.

He had the nerve to say, we're not playing cards.

Imagine that.

And pointed out they were--

what's it called, fighting a war.

Here's the exact analogy Trump kept making.

You don't have the cards right now.

With us, you start having cards. - I'm not playing cards.

Right now, you don't-- no, you're playing cards.

- . - You're playing cards.

- I'm very serious. - You're gambling--

- I'm the president-- - with the lives of--

- in a war. - millions of people.

You're gambling with World War III.

What are you speaking about?

What is this?

Why are you such an asshole to me?

What was the moment after this?

There's more?

I know, right?

Seriously?

No.

Where the meeting really, really went off the rails--

see, that was just off the rail.

That was on the rails, off the rails.

And then it went really, really off the rails.

A bear came in and caught everyone?

What else?

It was this exchange where Zelenskyy landed a punch.

Let's see if you all can see where it exactly happened.

You invited me--

If you didn't have our military equipment, This.

War would have been over in two weeks.

In three days--

I heard it from Putin.

In three days.

Now, I will say, the one good thing about this meeting

is that when they do that reunion show with Andy Cohen,

it's going to be good.

Yeah, but it should have ended with Zelenskyy snatching

his wig.

That would have been appropriate.

So Fox put a pretty good spin on what happened.

Here's what Fox News said.

The lunch that they were supposed to have

is sitting right outside the hallway.

And the press staffers are going to be eating that lunch.

What do you all think the consequences are going to be

from all of this?

It's going to be really bad.

I mean, I do believe that Putin did win, right?

He literally has the President of the United States

under his finger.

I would like to point out, I don't think it's his finger

that Trump is under.

I can see where you might make the mistake.

It's still-- where does your mind go [inaudible]?

Michael and Jasmine, I will show you all a clip.

And you all tell me, what is the story?

Alrighty.

That's the capitol.

That's where you work.

And that's a calculator.

And they're saying, yes.

Are you voting?

We're voting, yes.

I think it's got to do with our budget vote.

It didn't go too well for us, us Americans,

didn't go too well for us.

This week, the House just barely approved President

Trump's budget resolution, which is

the first step towards enacting his legislative agenda.

Technically, it was called Resolution 14.

But what other name have people been using?

Project 2025?

A good guess.

It's a good ass guess.

But let's hear the answer.

One big, beautiful bill.

One big, beautiful bill.

A big, beautiful bill.

A big, beautiful bill.

That's the president's phrase.

And I've adopted it.

In fact, I have it tattooed on my chest here.

I could show you.

Big beautiful bill is Bill de Blasio's Tinder username.

Who's your best Republican friend?

Oh, I don't want to Adam.

There was one sole Republican who voted

no on the big, beautiful bill.

Does anyone know?

Is it the one that like you.

The representative was Thomas Massie.

Thomas Massie from Kentucky, seen here

watching the girl of his dreams marry somebody else.

Here he is before the vote.

If the Republican plan passes, under the rosiest assumptions,

which aren't even true, we're going to add $328 billion

to the deficit this year.

Why would I vote for that?

Congresswoman, why don't the other Republicans know math?

This isn't about doing what's right by the American people.

And the one thing that I will say

is, I disagree with his overall, but I agree with the fact

that he at least stood for something.

And the rest of them don't stand for what they claim to be.

Can you give that same exact speech to Hakeem Jeffries

the next time you see him?

Y'all can not beat up on my leader.

What did the budget resolution that was passed this week

say about Medicaid?

Medicaid is for losers?

Ha, ha, ha ,ha.

Yeah.

It said absolutely nothing.

Watch.

Do a word search for "Medicaid" on the resolution

that we passed last night.

You will not find it.

Now, Americans might need their Medicaid soon.

Because earlier this week, Elon Musk

delivered some exciting medical news at Trump's first official

cabinet meeting.

Musk admitted that at least one DOGE cut was a mistake.

So, for example, with USAID, one of the things

we accidentally canceled very briefly

was Ebola, Ebola prevention.

I think we all want Ebola prevention.

Now, that's the accent I hear, and I start running.

It turns out everybody should be very concerned about Ebola.

Because even though Musk says Ebola prevention

has been restored, officials say that's not true.

USAID said that, quote, "the teams and contractors that would

be deployed to fight an Ebola outbreak have been dismantled."

Now, with all of these cuts happening with DOGE

and the mistakes being made, everybody is, of course, asking

the question, who the hell is in charge of DOGE?

Who is the person pulling the strings?

Who's the puppet master of DOGE?

Well, it's obviously Elon Musk.

I'm with you.

That can't be true, because Trump said he isn't.

And why would he lie?

The administrator of the Department of Government

Efficiency is actually Amy Gleason,

seen here hearing the words, "actually, I am the manager."

But a lot of people are wondering whether or not Amy's

really all in on DOGE.

What makes people question Amy's dedication to the job?

That she runs a TJ Maxx?

Oh my God, I was going to say the same thing.

Oh, wow.

I was going to say she looks like a Maxxinista.

Yeah.

A lot of people are questioning Amy's dedication

to DOGE Here's the reason why.

When we reached her by phone yesterday,

Gleason said she was in Mexico and declined to further comment.

Adriana?

All right, I wonder what she's doing in Mexico.

Why Mexico, the first 100 days of the new administration?

Interesting.

- Maybe official business. - Could be.

Could be.

Maybe not.

Yes, The New York Times confirmed this week,

Gleason was scheduled to be on vacation in Mexico.

You know what?

I'm going to defend old TJ Maxx on this one.

DOGE firing people don't even know they're getting fired.

How do you even know you got hired for DOGE?

You just got the job all of a sudden out of the blue.

And you know she put that deposit down for that Mexico

trip two years ago.

This is not a person that gets travel insurance.

Congresswoman, how do you think the constituents are responding

to the big move? - Yeah, no, they not feeling it.

Like, the Republicans are like, guess what, we don't want to do

this anymore. We're not going home.

We are hiding from our constituents

because they are coming out the woodwork.

Let's take a look at a recent town hall

hosted by Wisconsin rep Scott Fitzgerald.

There is no law, and there is no order,

and there are no consequences.

Nobody is held to account.

The end result of the fraud and abuse that

has been discovered already--

They booed that boy like the Apollo.

Oh my god.

Here's what happened down in Georgia.

When you talk about tyranny, when you talk

about presidential power, I remember

having the same discussion with Republicans when Biden

was elected.

Let's get through this.

Congressman.

Hey.

I've seen Game of Thrones, too.

Thank you.

Game of Thrones is a wrong reference to make.

Because after they said, "shame, shame, shame," they threw shit

water on that [inaudible].

Amber, let me pose a hypothetical question to you.

Let's just say you're a GOP elected official,

and you just saw these two town halls go terrible,

and your town hall is coming up tomorrow.

How would you prepare for that town hall?

I would also go in there.

I would get my ass handed to me.

And then, I would go to Trump and be like, look what I did

for you, mama.

Now, that's one strategy.

But a lot of GOP officials have responded to voter pushback

by just canceling their town hall meetings altogether.

That's a good idea. That's a really good idea.

That's way better than my shit.

Yeah.

Is there any reason for an elected official to not have

face to face communication with the people that elected them?

You know, what's really sad is that,

literally, collectively, they are

hurting their own constituents.

They always want to say food stamps is

about the black people, right, in the urban centers.

And the facts are that, when we look at rural America,

they use more SNAP benefits than anybody.

And guess what, we talked about Medicaid,

but we didn't talk about the fact,

it's not mentioned in the bill either.

But they're also going after SNAP.

And the way that they couched it is, for ag, they said,

find over $400 billion.

Well, that's SNAP.

And then, for energy and commerce,

they said, well, find over $808 billion.

That means it's Medicaid.

So we know what they meant, but they didn't want to put it

in writing.

And instead, what they did is they went out and lied.

Can I just make a suggestion?

I would be more than happy for the four of us

to not say another word and just give you the rest of the hour.

Just-- just read here.

There's one Democrat that stood up to Elon Musk this week.

Who was that Democrat?

Um.

I think it was Jasmine.

Crockett?

Right?

Jasmine Crockett?

We're going to go with Jasmine Crockett.

OK, I'm going to say Hakeem Jeffries.

Who was it?

Um, here's the answer.

If you could speak directly to Elon Musk, what would you say?

Fuck off.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.

It's time for Lie-Curious.

The rules are simple.

I give you three biographical details about a public figure,

but only one is the truth.

And you have to guess which is the truth

and which are dirty, filthy, nasty lies.

Let's begin.

Three facts about SAG award winner Timothée Chalamet--

our facts are, he was baptized by Moby, had a YouTube channel

where he modified Xbox controllers, his high school

nickname was "The Chalamander."

Which one is the truth?

We are reading this, but Roy said Xbox controllers.

Now, that's an added detail.

Oh.

That makes me think that it's number two.

Oh.

OK, over here.

I want to go with baptized by Moby

because it's so implausible.

But do we know?

We don't know anything.

We don't know anything about Moby or Timothée Chalamet.

No, we don't.

We don't.

Number one, baptized by Moby.

It's number two, the Xbox controller.

There you go.

Here's tweeny Tim showing off a modified Xbox controller.

What's good, YouTube?

This is Modding Controller 360, with the controller of the week.

Here's red tiger.

Started it yesterday, finished it today.

It looks nice.

It looks sexy.

That-- that is vintage Chalamander, man.

Timothée Chalamet is something of a Renaissance man.

What are some of his other hobbies?

Trying to grow the rest of that mustache.

Amongst his other habits--

Oh.

Timothée Chalamet got bars.

It's Lil Timmy Tim.

I am a boss.

You really like my shirt.

Should I take it off?

See me with a girl, and you know it's getting cuddly.

See me in the hallway, you know I hit my Dougie.

Feel good music.

I'm bringing it back.

What's wrong with that kid?

Does he think that he's black?

Hmm.

Looks like he should have done that at the end.

Hmm.

You said there weren't going to be any more bad stories.

You know, there is a role to be played by white shame.

Time, now, for three facts about House Speaker Mike

Johnson, seen here imagining himself riding a dinosaur.

Our facts about Mike Johnson are, one, he played washboard

in a zydeco band, two, he refuses emojis

for religious reasons, three, he blamed the fall of Rome

on excessive gayness--

excessive gayness.

Jasmine's nodding your head at the same time I started nodding

my head.

- Three. - Yep.

- We're going with three three. - Three over here.

I'm going to argue that we should go for played washboard

in a zydeco band.

Because if you have no musical talent,

that's the instrument to go for.

We choose number one.

Yeah.

The answer is number three.

Mike Johnson-- Mike Johnson blamed the fall of Rome

on excessive gayness.

Here's Mike Johnson with his theory.

Many historians, those who are objective,

would look back, and recognize, and give some credit to the fall

of Rome to not only the deprivation of the society

and the loss of morals, but also to the rampant, you know,

homosexual behavior.

Johnson's theory on the fall of Rome has been called, quote,

"totally baseless."

And of course, Gladiator tried to blame the fall of Rome

on Denzel Washington.

Denzel, as you can see there, being robbed of an

Oscar nomination.

Speaking of the Roman Empire, does anybody

know what Denzel Washington thinks of the Roman Empire?

It better not also be homophobic because I can't

take it.

Is it homophobic?

No.

I got scared.

I'm sorry, I'm bad.

The answer is Denzel doesn't think about the Roman Empire

at all.

Here's a clip of Denzel learning about the TikTok meme

that he does not like.

Are you familiar with the sort of meme of, like,

how often men think about the Roman Empire?

Has anybody been asking you about this?

No, uh-uh.

It was, like, this thing that, like, men think about it once

a day.

About the Roman Empire?

Men think about the Roman--

no, not all men.

But I do have a real question.

What is excessive gayness?

Like, am I-- am I doing it right now?

Is it this?

A little bit?

Time for three facts about Jodie Foster.

Oh.

Our facts are, she was attacked by a lion.

No.

She collects tires from famous movie cars,

like Herbie or the Batmobile.

She was the 11th person in America to test positive

for COVID-19.

Ooh.

One is the truth.

Which is it?

- I'm going with one. - You like one?

I feel like she--

All right, my teammate likes one.

We're going with one.

I was leaning towards one.

Now Dave--

Mm-hmm.

did you see what Roy did?

He added extra details to number two.

Did he?

Now, I think he did that to throw us off the scent

this time.

Because the last time, it was to draw us in.

Yeah.

So now we feel confident--

Yeah.

in having decoded his secret language.

You think you're so fucking slick.

Roy.

And you're not, Roy.

You will not fuck with our minds.

We're going to go for three then, right?

We're going to go for three.

Number one is the answer.

Jodie Foster was attacked by a lion on the set of the 1972 film

Napoleon and Samantha.

Here's Foster describing her experience on the Jonathan Ross

Show.

I remember seeing his mane.

He came around me, and he picked me up by the hip,

and turned me around, and shook me around.

And I was sideways.

And I remember thinking, oh, this is an earthquake.

Then, I guess, what I was told is that the trainer yelled,

drop it.

And the lion was--

you know, acquiesced and went, drop--

it dropped me.

I think-- I think--

Jodie Foster surviving a lion attack

is a perfect example of excessive gayness.

Mm-hmm.

This has been Lie-Curious.

It's time, now, for Missing Words.

OK.

Captains, I'm going give your team some recent news headlines

with key words cut out, and you'll have to fill in the blank

to give us the full story.

Here's your headline.

Ice hockey ref gets standing ovation after--

I.

You're from the hockey country, Dave.

Yeah, and so I've seen the clip.

He got a standing ovation after being

hit in the balls with the puck.

Because hockey fans love ironic ovations.

An ice hockey ref gets standing ovation after suffering

every man's worst nightmare, which

is getting hit in the balls.

Take a look.

Obviously, you see Kerfoot.

He knows where the net is.

But what he doesn't know is that the official is standing right

there in the line of fire.

He just got a great, great round of applause from the crowd

here at Delta Center.

He should have just laid on the ice to ice his balls.

Why else have people been paying extra attention to hockey

as of late?

They're booing the American national anthem--

Yes, they are.

up in our 51st state, which I find--

Exactly.

very unpatriotic.

Exactly.

Hockey is all the buzz because of international games

between the US and Canada have been grounds for both countries

to protest each other in light of Trump's threats

to annex Canada.

And to be fair, if you say, to somebody, that you're going

to make them American, them's fighting words.

And yes, you're correct.

Americans have booed the Canadian national anthem.

Show me that first.

Oh--

That's good.

That's good.

And then, of course, the clap-back.

Oh, say, can--

you see?

All I can tell you is, do you know how hard it is

for Canadians to be that rude?

We will be saying sorry for years to come.

Remember when we had French fries, and we was mad at France?

And we were like, oh, they're freedom fries.

What American item are Canadians renaming

because they tired of our shit?

Ooh, American cheese?

No, not American cheese.

Oh, no.

New York bagels.

The answer is coffee.

Apparently, some coffee shops in Canada

have been rebranding their americano as a canadiano.

Oh, I love it.

That's dumb.

Celine Diono was right there.

Here's your headline.

Man caught with cocaine stash under blank in Colombia.

Under his mustache?

I know this one.

Congresswoman, you want to take a stab at this one?

Under his wig.

What?

Man caught with cocaine stashed under toupee

in Colombia.

Authorities found over $10,000 worth of cocaine hidden

in the hairpiece of a passenger trying to board a flight from

Cartagena to Amsterdam.

And yes, there's footage.

Yay.

Oh, god.

Well, I hear that they became suspicious because his lice were

unusually agitated.

At least his situation wasn't as bad as my man who tried

to smuggle it like this.

A man was busted in Spain for trying to smuggle illegal drugs

in a pretty obvious way.

If you can't guess from these photos shared by investigators,

the Colombian man tried to sweep a pound of cocaine

under the rug.

And by rug, we mean the one on his head, his toupee.

Yeah, he stuck out like a sore thumb.

So cops quickly arrested him.

If he wasn't wearing that blindfold,

he would have seen how ridiculous it looked.

That's Missing Words.

More after the break.

Welcome back to Have I Got News For You.

It's time now for the Offend-O-Meter.

Here's how it works.

Teams have to tell us who's that offender, what they did,

and who they offended.

Let us begin.

Who is that offender?

He offended the rest of the varsity team?

That's not the Fyre Festival guy, is it?

Ding. Ding.

Ding. - Oh.

That's Fyre Fest founder Billy McFarland.

Who did he offend?

I know that he announced a second Fyre Festival.

OK.

Oh my gosh.

So who would be offended by that?

People who went to the first one and they were like, don't do it.

- Points. - All right.

Yeah.

Billy McFarland offended Fyre Festival 1

by announcing Fyre Festival 2.

Y'all remember the first one?

They was promised a concert out in the beach

and then all they got was airport sandwiches.

You come to Fyre Festival 2, don't be talking about

"where's the music?"

I don't want to hear anything about "I'm hungry."

Or "I want a toilet."

Yeah.

Don't bring that here.

Tickets for the new Fyre Festival range from $1,400

to $1.1 million.

Now the question is, well, what do I get for $1,400 to

$1.1 million?

I would hate to say in front of people what I expect

for that kind of money.

Here's Billy hyping the event.

We're going to have artists across electronic, hip hop, pop,

and rock.

We might have a professional skateboarder do a demonstration.

You say we might have.

Are any of these for sure haves?

What makes Fyre so cool is that we are selling

the experience of fire.

I want to be one of the first festivals that can sell out

with no artists.

We had more shit at my daughter's middle school

fundraiser than that.

Am I the only person that just kind of appreciates just a good,

old-fashioned, clear-cut, perfectly explained scam?

And should we be that freaked out about Fyre 2 when we're

living through Trump 2?

- Exactly. - Right.

That's fair.

All right, let's see your offender.

That is Jeff Bezos.

Yeah.

Who did Bezos offend?

Everybody who's got intellect.

No, I mean, seriously.

So as the owner of The Washington Post, he decided no

op-eds if they are going to "talk bad" about the Orange One.

Points on this side.

Points, one point.

So Jeff offended First Amendment fans, and former Washington Post

opinion page editor David Shipley,

seen here remembering the good old days, when you could get

a decent apple at Whole Foods.

Bezos announced that the Washington Post's Opinion page

will be revamped to focus on "liberties and free markets,"

saying, quote, "viewpoints opposing those pillars will be

left to be published by others."

So the newspaper that covered the Watergate scandal,

the Pentagon Papers, has basically

turned into an incel subreddit.

That's basically what we're looking at.

He did everything.

He may as well just take Garfield

out for being anti-Mondays, if you're going to do that.

This isn't the only news from old Jeff Bezos this week.

Does anyone know what out-of-this-world announcement

he just made?

He swore that he was going to shoot a bunch of women up

into space on a rocket shaped like a dick.

It was announced on Thursday that Jeff's company,

Blue Origin's, next launch features a star-studded

female crew.

The way things are going for women on this planet right now.

They have more rights in space.

I believe space is where the last Planned Parenthood

office is.

Does anyone know what famous women

will be going on this trip?

"Star-studded."

Katy Perry.

Is she really?

Yes.

And most importantly, Gayle King.

OK.

We cannot afford to lose her.

No.

Who else?

Well, Oprah not going, I know.

Not Oprah.

No.

That's going to be Gayle by herself on that one.

See you later, bestie.

Is it Lauren Boebert?

No, no, no, no.

Take Marjorie.

Please.

Yes.

The historic all-women flight crew will include philanthropist

Lauren Sanchez, pop star Katy Perry, and national treasure

Gayle King.

Gayle, do not go, please.

Gayle King, we cannot afford to lose you.

If you are a Black woman journalist

and you're good at your job, they are trying to silence you.

They are.

I ain't like what they did to Joy Reid

and now they trying to send you to space.

Who going to interview R. Kelly when he get pardoned by Trump?

That was Offend-O-Meter.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.

It's time for Meet in the Middle,

where we find common ground between two people who would

never be caught hanging out together.

We have, oh, Mitchy Slipping and Falling McConnell, Beyoncé,

Flea, and Justin Long.

And on the other side, there's Morgan Freeman, the Duolingo

owl, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Warren Buffett.

First up, Chomp Comp.

Which two of these people get free fast food for life?

Now, no matter what you say, Beyoncé does.

Yes.

I'm not charging her for shit, and she took all my money.

Now give me one from the other side.

Warren Buffett?

That sounds right.

The rich people always get all the free stuff,

so I'm going with that. That works.

The answer is Beyoncé and the sixth richest man in the world,

Warren Buffett.

What did I say?

Well.

Buffett was granted a gold card that gives him free meals

for life.

At any McDonald's in Omaha, Nebraska,

Warren Buffett can pull a plastic card

and leave with that McRib, baby.

Does anybody know which chain Beyoncé eats at for free?

I'm going with Popeyes.

I was going to guess that but I didn't want to sound racist.

He said Black card and he said it like "ch-icken."

Popeyes is the answer.

You could just look at me and tell when I'm thinking chicken?

Black women.

Something else, boy.

That is an intuition gift right there.

Mrs. Knowles-Carter was given a similar special card by about

Popeyes, but told Oprah in 2003, quote,

"I've never used it because I've been too embarrassed."

You don't have to be embarrassed at Popeyes, Beyoncé.

They in there drinking sweet tea out of a bag.

It's not just the Queen B and Warren Buffett who've been given

free fast food cards. Let's play a quick game.

I'm going to name a famous person.

You all tell me which of these two restaurant chains

gives them free food.

First up, Emily Blunt.

Does she eat?

Classy.

Classy.

Jamba Juice or Dairy Queen?

It's got to be Jamba Juice.

It has to be because I would punch everyone

I know for a free Dairy Queen.

Emily Blunt gets free Dairy Queen.

That's a perfect pair.

Boy, you get a Blizzard and a Blunt?

That's a good one.

All right, let's do one more.

Yes.

Checkers or Burger King?

What does Jay Leno-- - Burger King.

Yeah, I'll go with my teammate, Burger King.

Yeah, I think it's Burger King.

Jay Leno eats free at Burger King.

Oh.

Yeah.

Actually, Burger King gave the card to Conan O'Brien

and Jay Leno took it.

Let's do Taken, Not Stirred.

Which two of these people have both been kidnapped?

Oh.

I'm going with Flea because don't nobody want him.

No, nobody wants Mitch McConnell.

Nobody wants Mitch McConnell.

We're going Flea and Benedict Cumberbatch.

Justin Long and Benedict Cumberbatch

have both been kidnapped.

Really?

Justin Long was kidnapped by strangers at a bar

while filming the movie Youth in Revolt.

He says he escaped by throwing himself out of their car.

And Benedict Cumberbatch was kidnapped in 2004 while filming

a movie in South Africa.

We actually have footage of Benedict Cumberbatch escaping

his kidnappers.

Can we see that?

None can stop me.

Next up, we've got Show Me the Honey.

Which two of these people are also beekeepers?

It has to be Morgan Freeman.

Yes.

Right?

Something an elegant older gentleman should be doing.

Yeah.

I can hardly wait.

I think we have to go with Flea because the idea of Mitch

McConnell caring for creatures less powerful

than himself seems implausible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The answer is Flea and Morgan Freeman are both beekeepers.

I bet Morgan Freeman just talk them bees back to the hive.

We didn't get to Mitch McConnell in the Duolingo owl,

but just know that they're both actually still alive

and both mainly exist to help White people.

More after the break.

Welcome back.

It's time for Odd One Out.

I'll show everybody four pictures

and you have to guess which one sticks out like RFK

Jr in a barbershop quartet.

Here's your first group of four--

Cynthia Erivo, Will Smith, Cynthia Nixon, and Kate Winslet.

Who is the odd one out?

Will Smith because he's not a little gay.

Did they all run for governor of New York

except for Kate Winslet.

The odd one out is Will Smith.

You were right.

Oh.

The Cynthias and Kate Winslet are all one award

away from an EGOT, while Will Smith needs an Emmy and a Tony

to complete the set.

So got to get Will in Cats, him up there slapping them.

Yeah.

And Will Smith is the only one with an actual Oscar

knockout, though.

Does anybody know which actor?

Bonus points.

Which actor is credited with creating the term EGOT?

Whoopi?

The actor who coined the term EGOT

was Philip Michael Thomas, who played Detective Tubbs in Miami

Vice.

Oh, wow.

Yay.

Who was his partner?

Oh, that's Don Johnson.

No, Crockett.

You're supposed to say Crockett.

Crocket, Crockett and Tubbs.

And in 1984, he said, quote, "Hopefully in the next five

years, I will win all of those awards."

And he did not win any of those awards.

Didn't happen.

I'm going to coin the term NEGOT.

I win an NAACP award on the front end.

You can win a NEGOT, too.

I don't think he's allowed to say NEGOT.

That's fair.

That's fair.

It's fair.

In the weeks leading up to the Oscars,

Variety spoke to anonymous Academy members

to see where their heads were at on the Oscar voting, and all

of that stuff.

And people love conclave, but two voters told Variety they

didn't vote for Ralph Fiennes because, quote, "he won before."

What movie did he win an Oscar for before?

Schindler's List?

Trick question.

He didn't.

He didn't win for Schindler's List.

No?

He's never won an Oscar.

These two Academy members believe Ralph Fiennes already

won for Schindler's List, which he didn't.

He lost to Tommy Lee Jones for The Fugitive.

Hmm.

That he already won, that is such a Canadian way of thinking.

That was Odd One Out.

We'll be back after this.

Hey, I want to thank our guest, Dave Foley,

and representative Jasmine Crockett,

and of course, our team captains, Amber Ruffin

and Michael Ian Black.

Before we sign off, here are a few more stories we're watching.

Elon Musk, no longer the richest person in the world.

That dog knows what he did.

You won't believe what the Olsen twins look like today.

Local man lets server know where to drop those fajitas.

DSW manager fired after third strike.

I'm Roy Wood Jr. We'll see you next week for another episode

of Have I Got News For You.

Joy Reid, you are loved.

And remember, there are still two people stranded in space.

Good night.