Original subtitles

Welcome.

Welcome to Have I Got News For You.

I'm Roy Wood, Junior.

Welcome back to the show.

Here's what's happened in the news while we were gone.

Tired of feckless leaders, Democrats are already circling

a front runner for 2028.

Luigi Mangione.

- The Trump administration told us exactly who's to blame

for all these plane crashes.

Black people.

Black people.

- Probably a bad sign when you're saying this in a

job interview.

It wasn't pedophilia.

- A woman realized her buzzer just went off at the

Cheesecake Factory.

On Amber's team tonight, he's an attorney, legal expert, and he

used to be related to one of Trump's biggest allies.

That's right.

He used to be married to Roy Cohn.

It's George Conway.

And joining Michael, he's an actor, comedian,

and fellow Celebrity Jeopardy winner.

You might recognize him from when he absolutely dishragged

Wolf Blitzer.

It's Andy Richter.

Hi.

How you doing?

Amber, good to see you again-- - Hi.

- --season two. Michael, good to see you again.

- Roy, it is so good to see you. - Oh, no, no, no, no.

- Amber, it is so-- - No, no, no, no.

- What? What?

No, no, no.

- I was told this is how we say hello now.

No, no, no.

- Now for the biggest stories of the week.

Amber and George, I'm going to show you a clip referencing

a major news story from the past week,

and you tell me what's the story.

Here we go. - OK.

OK.

We got a dog, the White House, of course.

Oh, no, the Capitol.

OK.

Layoff notice.

Somebody getting fired.

That's one of Elon's kids, right?

- And then there's Elon, so you were right.

DOGE.

DOGE.

Oh, very, very tricky.

- It's Elon, DOGE, firing people, hiring children,

final answer. - That's partial points.

That's good enough.

I'll give you a little bit of that.

The story is DOGE, the Department of

Government Efficiency--

Elon's made up cabinet department/influencer hype house

that was named after a 13-year-old meme and staffed

by boys roughly the same age.

Now, who is DOGE?

What is DOGE doing?

And what are Democrats doing about DOGE?

Or in other words--

What's your name?

Tell us your name.

Give me that ID again.

- That's me at McDonald's after they cut off breakfast at 10:30.

Yes, Maxine Waters wanted to know what DOGE was doing

at the Department of Education, because all month,

the Musketeers have had access to sensitive data

from all sorts of federal agencies.

They've given them access to everything.

They got access to everything but our Walgreen's

reward number.

- Well, he's going to stop waste, like, the way that wolves

make sure that the chicken inventory is good.

Yes.

- Your Social Security number and your tax-- it's not going

to get hacked like the way DOGE's website got hacked today.

Did you see that?

- Well, apparently, it wasn't even hacked.

That's literally how his coders left it.

- Yeah, it was open. Yeah, it was open.

Yeah, they left the door wide open.

- Yeah, his boy genius coders left

it just available for anybody to just get in there.

And you can see sensitive information about the National

Reconnaissance Office.

It's fantastic.

- But today they got into the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

It's probably fine.

Oh, yes.

- If you're wondering what's coming next, in the coming days,

DOGE will also be giving access to sensitive data

at the Pentagon and the Department of Defense.

What gives Elon Musk the license to just sniff around

federal finances?

He doesn't have it.

He's doing it anyway.

- One reason, just this week, Elon's social media company

agreed to pay Donald Trump $10 million

as a settlement for banning his account after the January

6 insurrection.

Bonus points-- how much did Meta pay Trump to say sorry for doing

the exact same thing to his Facebook page?

$25 million or something.

$25 million over here.

How much do you all think?

It's like mafia guys.

They own whole industries, but they still can't--

they can't resist selling stuff out of the trunk of their car.

You know?

The answer is $25 million.

The concern with Elon's involvement

in all of these politics right now is that he was not elected.

The White House called Elon a, quote, "special government

employee," and called DOGE itself a

"temporary organization."

Elon is just going to come in and clean up the White House.

What's the Japanese lady that come clean up all--

Marie Kondo.

Yeah.

He is the government Marie Kondo.

- The Department of Education does not spark joy.

- What other title did Elon Musk take on this week?

Chancellor?

- The man with his hand on the wheel of the burning Cybertruck

named America changed his Twitter screen name to Harry

Bolz this week.

Oh, OK.

- These raunchy screen names could be a bigger part of

DOGE's strategy.

When someone tweeted a DOGE team member's name, Elon replied,

"You have committed a crime."

But there's one breakout star from old Harry Bolz's team.

Does anyone know who this young man is?

Well, he's Big Balls.

- That's Big Balls. - Big balls.

Everybody knows who Big Balls is.

Do his real name?

I bet it's Chad or Trey.

- That is 19-year-old Edward Coristine, better known as--

Big Balls.

- Big Balls. - Big Balls.

Big Balls.

- You know Rachel Maddow didn't want to say that shit.

- Coristine is a former bicycle mechanic and counselor

at something called Camp Playland.

And the only reason we know any of that is because of his now

deleted LinkedIn page, where his username was also,

you guessed it, Big Balls.

Can anyone tell me Big Balls's current job title?

- I believe he is a senior advisor at the State Department.

- Big Balls is now a senior advisor to both the State

Department and the Department of Homeland Security.

Just to be clear, this guy is a senior advisor.

He looked like the Secretary of Vape.

Where are your pants at, Balls?

Now, it's not just Democrats who are scrambling to address

the balls in the room.

It was father Charles Coristine.

Do you know what he had to do this week?

- It better not be something bad.

Roy, I don't know how much more of this I can do.

- This is the first episode of the second season.

You know how much bad shit we got to get through?

Oh, my god.

Isn't Big Balls, Senior--

isn't there some popcorn business and he

had to disavow his son because it was hurting his

popcorn business?

- Big Balls's daddy is the CEO of LesserEvil snacks

who make that--

the fancy Himalayan--

How the fuck?

Oh.

- Yeah, Big Balls' daddy, with that dude on the bag whose race

you can't guess.

This week, the company sent all employees an email that read

in part, quote, "In light of recent events,

we feel compelled to reaffirm that LesserEvil is in no way

affiliated with any political figures, political policies,

or political groups.

Our values remain the same as they've always been--

health, sustainability, and affordability."

Sincerely, Papa Balls.

This is the biggest popcorn scandal since Orville

Redenbacher was found dead in his Jacuzzi

by his building super.

I'm the only one remember how Orville Redenbacher died?

- I'm just being quiet because I had something to do with it.

- No, but surely all this sloppy management of federal data

is too outrageous for the Democratic Party to tolerate.

What is the Democratic Party's plan to stop

the steal of the government?

Ooh, absolutely nothing.

- The answer is the Stop the Steal bill.

You don't see what the Democrats did?

They took a slogan that the Republicans been using--

- Very tricky. - Oh.

- --But then they used it like, boom, we're going to use it

for a Democrat bill.

Then we're going to hit them with the Lock Her Up bill.

Now, the bill was introduced by Chuck Schumer and

Hakeem Jeffries.

And it might be a little bit more exciting if Congressman

Jeffries hadn't have said this.

What leverage do we have?

That's not how you--

you're supposed to know people hype.

You propose the bill and then you go, all right, we

got the bill, and we're going to get the bill,

and we're going to go across the aisle and talk to the people.

He was like, hey, y'all know what it is.

We fucked.

All right.

Michael and Andy-- - Yes.

-watch the clip.

Tell me, what's the story.

Cabinets?

Oh, cabinets.

I already know. - Cabinets.

- Oh, but now I'm lost. A worm?

- Oh, that's a worm. - Ooh, a brain worm.

That's probably a brain worm.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Yes, There's everybody fleeing the Department of Education.

Yes? - Yup.

Yup.

No school ever.

And there is our president.

So this seems to be the story about the cabinets

and the cabinet picks, the brain worm,

the Department of Education, and the fact

that Trump is just having his way with utterly unqualified

people to come in and do whatever they want.

Absolutely.

- There are shitty, horrible people going to be running

from the White House.

Give 'em a chance, Andy.

- Points for both of you. Congratulations.

- Thank you. - Correct.

Hooray!

It's all on fire.

- The story is, President Trump's unconfirmable crew

of cabinet nominees getting confirmed by the Senate.

On Wednesday, Tulsi Gabbard was confirmed as Director

of National Intelligence.

Question.

What makes Tulsi Gabbard uniquely unqualified

to coordinate the intelligence community and prevent

another 9/11?

- Is it that she's been credibly accused

of being a Russian asset?

- Intelligence experts said that the new head of US intelligence,

quote, "lacked experience in the field, embraced Russian

conspiracy theories, and showed sympathy for dictators like

Vladimir Putin and Assad."

She does have that cool witch hair, though.

You gotta give her that.

She look like one of them sexy professors at Hogwarts.

So the Senate confirmed Gabbard by a vote of 52 to 48,

with one Republican Senator voting no.

Who was the lone dissenter?

- It was Mitch McConnell, wasn't it?

- Sure was. - Sure was.

- Is it me, or is Mitch McConnell

voting different since he fell up them stairs?

- He decided to stop smoking in bed when the house is already

burned down.

Like, it's too late now, Mitch.

Did you say Mitch?

Wait, you say bitch or Mitch?

Both work.

- I have a cold, so it could be either.

- Shortly after Tulsi was sworn in,

Trump made a significant geopolitical announcement.

After a phone call with Vladimir Putin,

Trump shocked Europe with an avalanche of concessions

to Russia over Ukraine.

And Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth made it clear

that Ukraine will not join NATO and Ukraine

can forget about regaining Crimea.

This could get bad.

At some point, they're going to try and lock up Zelenskyy.

Yeah, yeah.

- Now, the comedy show is in that gulag going

to be off the chain.

This week, the associated Press was banned from the Oval Office

press pool for not acknowledging a recent Trump mandated

name change.

What was the name change?

Gulf of America.

- Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of Big Balls.

- Now, this week, House Republicans submitted a bill

that would enable Trump to change another name.

Oh, boy.

What name was it?

- Oh, this was actually submitted by my Congressman.

I am a proud resident of Savannah, Georgia.

And my Congressman, Earl Buddy--

I don't know his last name.

Buddy.

He proposed a congressional bill to rename Greenland as Red,

White and Blueland.

- The GOP bill would let Trump change the name of Greenland

to Red, White and Blueland.

- Are we allowed to name other countries?

Is that a thing we're allowed to do now?

- Yeah, I want to call France Kenny.

- Freshly confirmed Attorney General Pam Bondi's DOJ is

already making fresh moves, including ordering

federal prosecutors in New York to drop corruption charges

against New York City Mayor Eric Adams.

Give him a chance.

He's only been in office three years.

Why does this whole Eric Adams debacle-- why does it seem

like quid pro quo?

Because it is.

Yeah.

- The acting US attorney, who was a Republican,

a former Scalia clerk, resigned in protest

at being told to fire--

to drop the indictment against Adams.

And she basically said that, in the meeting,

she was told essentially by the Deputy Attorney General

that we need Adams to carry out our immigration policy.

And that's why we want to let them go.

- It's said that Mayor Adams has agreed to make major concessions

with Trump's Border Czar.

Here's the two of them laughing about the quids and the quos.

- If he doesn't come through, I'll be back in New York City.

And we won't be sitting on a couch.

I'll be in his office up--

up his butt saying, where the hell

is the agreement we came to?

- Look at the way he's laughing, the most nervous laughter.

- Look, I don't know lawyer words, George.

The charges are set up are like, all right,

we ain't going to see you in the jail right now.

But if you don't do what we say to do,

boy, we're going to bring them charges back on your ass.

- There's a word for that-- extortion.

- I just thought it was called the hook up, but OK.

On Thursday, the Senate confirmed RFK Jr.--

--as Head of Health and Human Services.

What in RFK Jr.'s confirmation hearing

made it crystal clear that RFK Jr. should not be in charge

of our nation's public health agencies?

Every word out of his mouth?

- He said a lot of crazy stuff at that confirmation hearing.

Here's just two-- just two of my favorite things he said.

- Show me a single statement I've made about science that

is erroneous.

- Did you say Lyme disease is a highly likely militarily

engineered bioweapon?

I probably did say that.

Every Republican Senator voted yes, except for one.

Who was the one who said, RFK Jr.--

I'm going to guess.

- --you can't be in charge of the Health and shit?

- Did the guy who didn't want RFK to be in charge

of our American health system, is that the same guy who had

polio as a child?

- It was polio survivor Mitch McConnell.

Hashtag resisting once again.

Yeah.

That's all right, Mitch McConnell.

Take a stand.

Somebody get Mitch McConnell a pussy hat

so when he fall again--

it'll be soft.

It'll be soft, man.

I like old Mitch, man.

He's turning the corner.

Is it just me, or is Mitch McConnell

voting different since that reboot that one time?

He was having a reckoning with himself.

He also racked up a bill.

So, you know--

He's still going to hell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- Just having fun with him a little bit.

But all hope is not lost.

How are the Democrats fighting back?

Amber had it right before.

They're not doing anything.

Is that right?

Is it?

Say it's not.

Roy.

- They're doing something. - Oh, OK.

Great.

It's going to be effective.

Everybody put your feet up.

This is going to be great.

Hey, Bud.

What are they doing?

- Here's Senate Minority Leader, Chuck Schumer.

We will win.

We will win, we will win.

I feel better already.

We'll be right back.

Silence!

Welcome back.

It's time for "Lie Curious."

The rules are very, very simple.

I give you three biographical details about a public figure,

but only one is true.

You have to guess which one is the truth

and which are filthy, dirty, nasty lies.

Let's get started.

Time for three facts about the marvelous Miss Measles herself--

Cheryl Hines--

Oh, boy.

--seen here wishing she'd been more specific when she put

"marry a Kennedy" on her childhood vision board.

Our facts about Cheryl Hines are, she was Burt Reynolds

dog walker.

Ooh!

- She's the heir to the Duncan Hines cake mix fortune.

She was attacked by an emu.

Which is the truth?

- I want her to be attacked by an emu so bad.

- You wanna go with that? - Yeah.

- Yeah, let's go with that. - Yay!

- Because it's the fun answer. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Emu on that side.

What we got over here?

- It's not the Duncan Hines, so it--

- Wait, how do you know-- - Let's go with Burt Reynolds.

- Wait, how do you know it's not the Duncan Hines?

- I-- my faith in God is telling me.

- All right, we're going to go with Burt Reynolds dog walker.

Burt Reynolds dog walker.

- Cheryl Hines was regularly attacked by RFK Jr.'s pet emu.

According to the New York Times quote,

"The emu, Toby, was jealous of Miss Hines,

and took to charging at her violently.

And she started carrying a shovel in self-defense

whenever she stepped outside.

Honestly, carrying a shovel in self-defense

is a good strategy for anybody married to a Kennedy.

Now, as horrific as all of this sounds, a bird

attacking a woman, it sounds very polite and sweet when you

hear RFK Jr. explain it.

- He was a little bit imprinted on me.

It would swim in the pool and do laps with me.

And if I came up to it, it would roll over and let me stroke

its breast.

- Oh, he was fucking that big ass chicken.

He said breast, and then he-- uhh.

Stroking its-- uhh.

He could have said chest.

He could have said the wings.

But he said titties.

It's wild!

- Time now for three facts about Fox News anchor, Bret Baier.

Oh!

- Our facts are, he eats onion dip for breakfast.

He knows every word to "Rapper's Delight."

He does his own TV makeup.

Talk it out over here.

- I bet you he knows every word to "Rapper's Delight."

That feels so right, right?

It feels so try hard.

Yeah.

- He eats onion dip for breakfast.

I know that for a fact.

He has to.

It would make me so happy.

Did you sleep with Bret Baier?

Is that how you know what he eats for breakfast?

I do what I want.

You don't know me.

All right, the answer--

Bret Baier knows every word to "Rapper's Delight."

And yes, there's video.

-hippie.

The hip, hip, a-hop and you don't stop a-rockin'

To the bang, bang the boogie, say up jump the boogie

To the rhythm of the boogie the beat.

Come on.

- A-skidlee bop, scoo-bop, scooby-doo.

That's right, America, we love you.

- That's the halftime show Donald Trump wanted.

- That's going to be headlining the Kennedy Center any day now.

Bret Baier-- My Life in Rap.

- Time now for three facts about Cardi B.

Oh!

Yay!

- Our facts are, she worked as a cashier at an Amish market.

She does the South Bronx polar bear plunge every year.

She performed "WAP" at Michelle Obama's 60th birthday party.

- Andy, are you familiar with the song WAP?

I sure am.

I think it's the third one. - OK, what about over here?

Which one do y'all think is true about Cardi B?

I hope it's the third one.

- Oh, we hope it's the third one,

but I hope that it's the second one!

What if she does the polar bear plunge?

Picture it.

- I thought the polar bear plunge was like, on Long

Island somewhere.

For white people?

Oh, on Long Island, yeah.

All right, your answer--

Cardi B worked as a cashier at an Amish market in Tribeca.

Wow!

- In fact, Cardi credits her boss at the Amish market

for encouraging her to get a gig at the strip

club across the street.

- He was just like, you have a nice body.

I'm telling you.

You should just work, and you should--

you should work across the street.

They make so much money.

You look like one of those girls.

I'm telling you, you're going to--

He was Turkish.

- So, wait, he was Turkish Amish?

- Yeah, so we owe that Amish Turkish man--

we wouldn't have had WAP without the Amish dude going,

go across the street, and you know?

Yeah.

Spread your wetness.

Yes.

Cardi did not perform WAP at Michelle Obama's 60th birthday

party, but there were some big WAP news in the last few weeks.

What was the big news about WAP?

Oh.

- The big news about WAP was that our parents now know what

it stands for?

- The big WAP news is a major free speech victory for

Kimberly Diei.

A former pharmacy student at the University of Tennessee.

Kimberly won a quarter of a million dollar settlement

after she was threatened with expulsion for tweeting, quote,

"I got that WAP he give gwap so that he can get a lick.

He ain't my pops, but I call him DAD.

He that dope ass dick."

George, you want to give it a try?

You want to read that one? - No.

OK.

You lost me at the emu.

Yeah.

So she got to texting freaky and got expelled from college.

Here's Kimberly's lawyer explaining why her First

Amendment rights were violated.

- In Kimberly's case, I've never seen a pharmacist that was too

sexual to do their job.

- Yeah, but I bet that's possible.

- He's never gone to from the window to the Walgreens.

This has been "Lie Curious."

It's time now for "Missing Words."

Captains, I'm going to give your team some recent news headlines

with key words cut out, and you will have to fill in the blank

to give us the full story.

Here's your headline.

These Robots Can Now Move Like--

Jagger.

Oh my god!

Jagger.

I was going to say Jagger. Yeah.

I've missed you.

- How could it be anything but Jagger?

- These Robots Can Now Move Like Cristiano Ronaldo and

LeBron James.

In collaboration with NVIDIA, scientists at Carnegie Mellon

trained humanoid robots to replicate the iconic moves

of professional athletes.

Are you ready to see the future of professional sports?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, LeBron.

LeBron.

Yeah.

That was spot on!

Yeah.

That's LeBron.

He took three steps and looked for the foul.

Like, that's what you're supposed to do.

All right.

Here's your next headline--

Big blank Sets Sail from Miami.

Balls.

- That's the only acceptable answer, I think, this episode.

Balls.

Big Balls set sail from Miami.

- Big Nude Boat Sets Sail From Miami.

The big nude boat--

- The boat is nude, or the people on it are nude?

Big Nude Boat 2025--

It's an 11-day clothing optional Caribbean cruise featuring trips

to San Juan, Saint Martin, Saint Lucia,

and two stops at the private nude beach in Great Stirrup Cay.

Stirrup.

- Oh, you can't call it Stirrup Cay--

That's what it's called.

-on a nude cruise.

- And you go look at the sunset at Speculum Cove.

You have a good time.

Now, Michael.

I know you're over there trying to envision the Big Nude Boat,

so let's just give Michael a picture of the Big Nude Boat.

Ah, yes.

- That is not what it looks like.

- No. - You're butt naked.

You're out there.

You're eating your shrimp charcuterie plate or whatever.

- Being careful of every surface that someone could sit on.

Correct.

What are some of the activities on the Big Nude Boat?

Putting your clothes back on?

- The Big Nude Boat has a nude talent show,

and, of course, a nude pickleball tournament.

- Oh, boy. - Yes.

But I think, when you're butt naked,

ain't every sport pickleball?

And what do you do at a nude talent show?

Michael, you've been in a couple of them.

What--

- We've all seen spinning plates, right?

Yeah.

- Well, at a nude talent show, which you do--

No!

It's fine.

It's fine.

Now let's make it clear.

If you're a pervert, we don't want you on the Big Nude

Boat tour.

What are some of the rules that you think they have in place

to keep down the creepy?

No boners.

That could be true!

Absolutely.

How do you enforce that?

- Same way you keep a cat off the counter, with a squirt gun.

- Rules on the big nude boat include, always sit on a towel.

Yep.

- No fondling or inappropriate touching.

Shucks.

- And no displaying yourself nude in front of other ships

in port.

That's strictly prohibited.

Also, very important to note about the Big Nude Boat, quote,

"Clothing is required for all meals taken in the dining room,

but not required at the self-serve buffet on the

pool deck."

- That's the place I'm most concerned about!

Yes, exactly.

They've got a sneeze guard.

They don't have a pube guard.

They just don't!

You lower it.

Don't you just lower the sneeze guard,

because the balls-- the dander be coming off the balls.

Unfortunately, the 2025 Big Nude Cruise is already booked up,

but no registration for 2026 is open.

I hope it's in Alaska.

Sort of levels the playing field, if you know what I mean.

That's "Missing Words."

We'll be back after the break.

Welcome back.

It's time for the Offend-O-Meter We will fire up

the Offend-O-Meter and teams have

to tell us who's the offender, what they did,

and who they offended.

Let's begin.

Who is this first offender?

Penny Marshall.

It's Kid Rock, of course.

Oh, Kid Rock.

I'm sorry.

Now, who did Kid Rock offend?

Shampoo.

- Kid Rock offended the audience last Saturday when he tried

to sing "Proud Mary".

But here's what happened when he could not get the audience

to clap along with him.

You know what?

Fuck y'all.

You ain't gonna clap?

I'm gone.

- Usually, Kid Rock doesn't have a problem getting the clap.

I'm shocked.

But there's more Kid Rock news this week.

- Yay. - Oh, good.

- Kid Rock was spotted getting into a cab in Washington DC

at 2:30 in the morning.

Booty call hours.

Who was in the cab with Kid Rock?

- Well, it was somebody who loves music and musical

theater specifically.

Definitely.

And loves hand jobs.

Was it Lauren Boebert?

Oh my God.

Was it Lauren Boebert?

I love it here.

- Kid Rock was seen hopping into a cab at 2:30 in the morning

with Congresswoman Lauren Boebert.

We got us a new power couple in DC, baby.

You got Meth Eminem and the hand-job queen of Colorado.

All right, let's see the next offender.

Oh.

Ooh.

We know who this offender is.

It's Nazi Hootie.

Yay.

Oh.

That's such a good nickname.

Thank you.

- And who did Nazi Hootie offend?

- Well, he put one t-shirt on a website, and the only item

for sale on that website was this one t-shirt that had

a swastika on it.

Sorry, I said that wrong.

Swastika.

Oh, wait, I got it.

Swastiki.

I love not knowing how to say it, frankly.

Yeah.

- Kanye offended the Jewish people with a series of bigoted

tweets in which he said things like, "I love Hitler"

and "I'm a Nazi."

Then ran a Super Bowl ad directing people to Yeezy.com

where they were selling $20 t-shirts with swastikas on them.

And my first thought when I heard

this was, at least somebody is still selling t-shirts for $20.

You want your bigotry affordable.

Yeah.

- As far as I can tell, we're getting our bigotry for free

these days.

A lot of supply.

Actually, a fair amount of demand, too, now that I think

of it. - Bonus question.

What came out of the Kanye t-shirt sales that offended

a bunch of celebrities?

There was no size extra small?

- Somebody posted an AI-generated ad featuring

celebrities pushing back.

Oh, right.

Wearing an F Kanye t-shirt.

Take a look at this.

That "Hava Nagila" go hard as hell.

That Hava Nagila sound like it was produced by Kanye West.

Also, that was the real Woody Allen in-- in that video.

He was in the video because he thought AI stand for

adoption incest.

Oh.

- Well, we just set off the offend-o-meter.

- It was cool to see Simon and Garfunkel back together.

Yeah, yeah.

That was Offend-O-Meter.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.

It's time for the Odd One Out.

I'll show you four pictures, and you have to guess which one

sticks out like JD Vance at the Strong Jawline Convention.

Here's your first group of four.

We have Usher, Bobby Brown, Mariah Carey, and Jason Derulo.

Who is the odd one out?

- Jason Derulo because I've never heard of him.

- I think that the odd man out is Bobby Brown because me

and Mariah, right?

Usher, Usher, Usher.

And Jason Derulo.

But nobody's singing Bobby Brown's name.

- Who's the odd one out over here, Andy?

Which Black person are you going?

- I was going to say Bobby Brown because he doesn't have

a meme coin.

I don't know.

That's a good guess.

Don't say it like a question.

Stand on that shit.

- Thank you, Amber. - Stick up for yourself.

- Thank you for believing in me more than I do.

But to be fair, I know me better.

- The odd one out is Bobby Brown.

Mariah Carey, Usher, and Derulo have all, at some point,

listened to their own music while having sex.

Oh.

- You're telling me Bobby Brown has never listened

to "My Prerogative" while fucking?

- You're telling me Bobby Brown has never listened to "Please

Don't Go Girl" while fucking?

- I think it's perfectly normal if you're creative to have sex

to your stuff.

I've been doing that.

Like, my new comedy special on Hulu Lonely Flowers.

Bonus question.

According to her ex, Nick Cannon, what song did she

and Nick Cannon make love to?

"Butterfly", final answer.

OK, over here?

- Am I required to know any Mariah Carey song to answer

this question? - OK, never mind.

OK. - Just say the National Anthem.

The National Anthem.

Yeah.

- Nick and Mariah Carey once had sex while she sang "Hero".

Wait, she was singing it live?

- No, no, no, she played the track.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

OK.

That would be dope, though.

- That's what I thought you were saying.

And I was into that.

That would be nice.

- And then a hero comes along.

- I mean, it's right there in the lyrics.

It'd be great.

OK, here's your next group.

We have Nicolas Cage, Vin Diesel, Scarlett Johansson,

and Rami Malek.

- Is it that Scarlett Johansson, what's her face,

and the other man--

--all have wax figurines at Madame Tussauds and Rami

Malek doesn't?

- You go to wax museums like that?

You'd be at Tussauds like that?

- You know how many pictures I have with Bob Marley?

- Nicholas Cage I feel like has played Elvis in a movie.

Like a singer.

Rami Malek played Freddie Mercury.

Now the question is, did Scarlett Johansson or Vin Diesel

ever play famous singers in movies?

Audience?

No.

- You're not allowed to ask the audience.

Nobody said I couldn't ask.

- The odd one out is Nicolas Cage.

Vin Diesel, Scarlett Johansson and Rami Malek

are all twins while Nicolas Cage only played twins in adaptation.

Wow.

- Nicolas Cage also played twins in the 2019 revenge thriller

Fatal Target, which is a movie I just made up.

Or did I?

It feels like a Nicolas Cage movie, doesn't it?

That was Odd One Out.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.

It's time for Meet in the Middle,

where we find common ground between two people who would

never be caught hanging out together.

On one side, we have Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King

Junior, Travis Kelce, Oscar Isaac, and Rudy Giuliani.

On the other side, there's Peter Dinklage, Sharon Stone, Albert

Einstein, and Paddington Bear.

First up, we've got all horned up.

Which two of these people were once in ska bands?

Probably wasn't MLK.

- I bet it's Oscar Isaac and Peter Dinklage.

I want to say Sharon Stone.

Do you think that's too crazy to say?

I want to say that's stupid.

So's ska.

Fair point.

Whoa.

- No, thank you, discount reggae.

- The answer is Oscar Isaac and Peter Dinklage.

Yes.

Dinklage played trumpet and sang in a band named Wizzy

in the '90s, and Oscar Isaac played guitar and sang

in the group The Blinking Underdogs.

Take a look at old Isaac.

When he sees me

I was once so confused

OK, you're right.

It is discount reggae.

All right, next up, we've got freshman 15.

Which two of these people both starred at college when they

were just 15 years old?

- I think Sharon Stone and I think MLK.

I think Einstein and MLK.

- No love for Giuliani on college?

No love for Giuliani, period.

- And by the way, he was never 15.

- I'm going to say Sharon Stone and MLK.

- The answer is Martin Luther King Jr. And Sharon Stone.

Oh.

Whoa.

- Doctor King was only 15 years old when he started at Morehouse

College as an early admission student,

and Sharon Stone was also 15 at Edinboro University

on a creative writing scholarship.

Yes, we all know the character in Basic Instinct was a writer.

That's why we remember that character.

Right.

- Let's do creeper by the cousin.

Giuliani.

- Would you like the description of the category?

Don't need it.

I heard creeper. Giuliani.

That's right.

He did marry his cousin, so that's gotta be right.

- Which two of these people kept it in the family

by marrying their cousins?

- It's Giuliani and it's Paddington.

It's fine if it's Paddington.

He's a bear.

Right.

That's normal in bear life.

But now, Giuliani should be ashamed.

OK.

- So I'm going to say Giuliani, and it has to be Einstein, no?

- Rudy Giuliani and Albert Einstein

both married their cousins.

Rudy's first wife was his second cousin,

and Einstein's second wife was his first cousin.

- And that's how he came up with the theory of relativity.

Oh.

Was it that obvious?

Was it that obvious?

- E equals MC and the MC stand for, damn, girl you fine.

No, MC is my cousin.

Yeah.

Or that.

Or that.

- Unfortunately, we didn't get to Travis and Paddington,

but of course, they both love bucket hats

and are both going to be hiding out in Peru for a while.

More after the break.

Welcome back.

We're going to play a game called Who Said It?

I'll give you a quote and you tell me if it came from someone

who's in the news or from a character on Mad Men.

Here's the quote.

"If I'm going to die, I want to die in Manhattan."

All right.

Who said it?

Was it Pete Campbell or Rudy Giuliani?

- I'm going to go with Pete Campbell.

- I want to say Rudy, because he's just crazy enough to say

if I'm going to die.

Yeah.

That's a great guess, George, but it is a quote from Pete

Campbell, or as Rudy calls Pete, hairline goals.

Also, we already know if Rudy die,

he ain't going to stay in Manhattan.

They going to take that corpse down to Georgia.

He owe them women everything.

Including his bones.

Them election workers? You know the ones.

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

All right, here's the quote.

"We have a generation of kids who are swimming around

in a toxic soup right now."

Peggy Olson or RFK Junior?

RFK.

It's got to be RFK, right?

Except that-- is that what they want us to think, Andy?

- I honestly don't care that much.

I don't either.

- We're going to go with Peggy Olson just because you didn't.

Right.

- It is a quote from RFK Junior, who I'd

like to think of as the Peggy Olson of the Trump

administration. - That's right.

That's right. - That's fair.

Yeah.

RFK's new toxic soup recipe will be featured on Diners, Drive

Ins, and Dead Animals on the Freeway.

I want to thank our guests tonight, George Conway and

Andy Richter.

And, of course, thank you to our team captains, Amber Ruffin

and Michael Ian Black.

Before we sign off, here are a few more stories we're watching.

Politician finds someone new to blame his farts on.

In honor of Valentine's Day, local man promises to screw

his hometown real good.

Trump pardons.

Over 1,600 Dick Tracy villains.

I'm Roy Wood Jr. I'll see you next week for another episode

of Have I Got News for You?

And remember, there's still two people stranded in space.

Good night.