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1
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,029
(BABY WAILING)
2
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,866
Your turn.
3
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,744
(GRUNTS) on, fuck.
4
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:23,008
(GROANS)
5
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,132
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
6
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,633
Okay, I'm awake.
7
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,564
Good morning.
8
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:46,448
You guys are up
a little early today, huh.
9
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,443
Did we have some
nightmares or something?
10
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,953
(CRYING)
11
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,906
Let's see what
you made for daddy.
12
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,073
Let's see.
13
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,121
(GROANS)
14
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,875
I wouldn't like to sleep
with that in my pants, either.
15
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,298
But it did happen
once in college.
16
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:04,758
(LAUGHING)
17
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,048
Can you leave that
bottle alone, honey?
18
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,587
Can you put it down?
19
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,807
Honey... Sarah...
20
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,967
No, no! Sweetheart!
21
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,260
Damn.
22
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:20,566
I know. I'll have you back in your
warm little bed in one second.
23
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,601
Here you go.
Back to bed, sweetheart.
24
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,611
You got a fresh,
dry diapy.
25
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,568
Peter...
26
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,232
Peter, please!
27
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,736
Buddy, we talked
about the head thing.
28
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,410
Let me get you
all hooked up.
29
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:42,079
Hang on, don't fall.
30
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,288
(GRUNTING)
31
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,095
(FARTING)
32
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,338
Oh, no.
33
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,426
Peter... Oh.
34
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,349
(LAUGHING)
35
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,399
(GRUNTS)
36
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:13,285
Okay. A little
something for daddy.
37
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,865
(LAUGHTER ON TV)
38
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,205
(BABIES WHIMPERING)
39
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,408
(COMMENTARY ON TV)
40
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,591
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
41
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,634
WOMAN: Steel, Kuhbach, McCloud Law Firm.
Good morning.
42
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,097
Good morning, Lockwood.
43
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,936
Good morning, Mr. Steel.
44
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,475
Thank you.
45
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:45,980
How are the kids?
46
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,811
Oh, they're terrific.
Just terrific.
47
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,195
Children are such a joy.
48
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,776
Yes, absolutely.
Always.
49
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,483
Any word on
the Amalgamated merger?
50
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,821
That's all but signed.
51
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:57,033
And just in time for your
partner review, no less.
52
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,706
Really? Oh,
I hadn't noticed.
53
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,788
I look forward to having
your antic sense of humor
54
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,831
in the partner suite,
Lockwood.
55
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,167
It can get
a touch dry up there.
56
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,165
Thank you so much.
Hmm.
57
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:09,629
But a Double Windsor?
58
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,674
Come on, son.
This is not the dog track.
59
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:13,845
No. Yes.
60
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:14,921
Yeah.
61
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,349
Absolutely not.
Thank you.
62
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,433
Hi.
63
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,351
(IMITATING STEEL) Seriously,
Dave, this isn't the dog track.
64
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,179
Yeah.
Good morning, Sabrina.
65
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,514
Last week he told me my shoes
were dangerously Italian.
66
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,682
(LAUGHS) what?
67
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,476
My turn with
the Amalgamated files?
68
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,441
Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect
the new monthly projections,
69
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:34,199
and I pre-negotiated
articles 23 through 29.
70
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,363
Okay.
71
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,285
I like the way you had
it before, by the way.
72
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,037
Yeah. Thank you.
73
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,920
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
74
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,053
Good morning, Patricia.
75
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,926
(PHONE RINGING)
76
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:02,143
Hello. MITCH: Penis, shit,
vagina, cock, wolf pussies.
77
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,100
Mitch. I'm at work.
78
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,813
(LAUGHS) Did I get you?
Yeah. You sure did.
79
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:06,890
You got me on speakerphone? Yep.
80
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,141
Did the secretary hear?
81
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,319
Yes, the secretary heard.
She heard it all.
82
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:11,978
(LAUGHS) That's awesome.
83
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,156
Not really.
How stoned are you right now?
84
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,232
I've taken some weed.
85
00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:16,324
Have you?
Mmm-hmm.
86
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,367
Do you know what time it is?
Mmm-mmm.
87
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,569
It's like 9:00.
88
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,071
Holy fuck-knuckles.
89
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,616
Guess what I'm looking at right now.
A bong?
90
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,414
No, I found a futon on
the street last night.
91
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,580
I sort of had to fight a bum for it.
He was so thin.
92
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,340
And it also came with this
vintage Navajo pony blanket...
93
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,342
So I think that's
pretty much a win for me.
94
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,219
Mitch, you know the adults are
about to fire up a work day.
95
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:39,222
I know, I just miss you, dude, that's all.
I miss you, too.
96
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,179
We've been super best
buddies since third grade.
97
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,384
I haven't seen you
in forever.
98
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,556
Oh, I've been swamped.
99
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,803
We're sleep-training
the twins,
100
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,058
and I just haven't
had a moment to breathe.
101
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,105
I'm sorry, man.
I'm just super-excited to see you.
102
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:49,687
We are still on
for tonight, right?
103
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,652
David?
Yep.
104
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:55,781
(STAMMERING) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For the thingy.
105
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,692
Braves-Marlins.
Please don't tell me that you forgot.
106
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,031
Didn't forget.
107
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,445
What time are you
going to pick me up?
108
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:02,658
(KNOCKING AT DOOR) Don't
you bail on me, David.
109
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:03,738
I am not going to bail.
110
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,374
If you bail on me, I'm going
to literally eye-rape you.
111
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,580
I got it.
112
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:11,584
I will actually place myself
inside your ocular... Oh!
113
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:12,755
It's my dad.
114
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,087
Mitch Planko, Sr.
making a rare appearance.
115
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,048
This guy fucking hates me.
116
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,262
(WHISPERING) I'll pick you up at 6:00.
Got it.
117
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,468
Kirk out.
118
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,596
Dad.
119
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,139
What are you doing here?
120
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,804
Oh, I just came
by to tell you
121
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,436
how incredibly proud
of you I am, son.
122
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,892
I'm pretty baked
right now,
123
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,943
but I think you're
being sarcastic.
124
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,066
Right?
125
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,362
No, dropping out
of high school
126
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,190
to be an actor was
a great decision.
127
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,784
I saw you in that commercial
for meat, incidentally.
128
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,821
That was the most brilliant portrayal
of baloney I have ever seen.
129
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,196
Why are you here?
130
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,832
Just came by to see if you'd
like to have some breakfast.
131
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,915
I can't. I got a super-duper important
conference call in 10 minutes.
132
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,421
You don't have a job.
You don't have any hair.
133
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,627
Right.
134
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:57,050
Well, then I'll just
say it here.
135
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,585
I'm getting married again,
136
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,467
and I'd like you to
come to the wedding.
137
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,347
When's the wedding?
Next Saturday.
138
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,270
My betrothed, Pamela,
would like you
139
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,269
to be there to
say a few words.
140
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,433
I'll catch the next one.
141
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:18,772
Yeah, right. Okay, well,
then I'd better get home
142
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,108
and boil my shoes.
143
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,278
Great visiting.
You, too.
144
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,999
Good.
145
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,043
(SIGHS)
146
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,130
DAVE: And the
baby-eating monster
147
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,592
rises from
the deep! (ROARS)
148
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,218
(BABIES SQUEALING)
149
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,718
Hey, Daddy, which one
do you like better?
150
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,137
The southern monarch or
the many-spotted skipperling?
151
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:54,399
I am a many-spotted
skipperling man, all the way.
152
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,276
The monarch is just a glorified
moth, don't you think?
153
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,153
Yes. I tend to agree.
154
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,574
Hi, Mom!
Hi!
155
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,696
What a bad,
bad day.
156
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,159
Hi.
157
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,739
The zoning board shut us
down for the millionth time.
158
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,704
Dr. Klein lost the twins'
immunization records.
159
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,914
And Cara got bullied
in ballet class again.
160
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,420
Did you tell Daddy?
161
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:19,128
Nicolette Peters keeps knocking me
over during the battement glissé.
162
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,839
Oh, I'm sorry, sugarbug.
Are you okay?
163
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:25,718
JAMIE: We just need to keep
striving for verbal resolution.
164
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,759
Yeah, yeah.
Verbal resolution, sweetheart.
165
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,261
So where do you want
to do this tonight?
166
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,429
Do what?
167
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,439
Dialogue Night.
168
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,395
Oh, my God.
169
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,317
Honey...
170
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,610
Don't even say that.
171
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:43,615
I'm so sorry. I suck.
172
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,868
Dr. Tillman said just once
a week, for one hour.
173
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,028
I'm sorry.
174
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:49,617
That was three months ago.
175
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,406
I know. I heard her.
176
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,951
And I want to sit and
talk with you for an hour
177
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,961
more than once a week,
but tonight, I cannot.
178
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,372
Why? What are you doing?
179
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,165
I promised Mitch
I would sit and watch
180
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,249
a game with him
tonight, and...
181
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,383
What?
182
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:05,463
Can we please just slide
the Dialogue Night again?
183
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,546
I'm so sorry.
184
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,134
I can do Monday night.
185
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,143
Thank you.
186
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:13,808
(DOORBELL RINGS)
He's early.
187
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,563
Yeah, you'd be early, too,
188
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,061
if all you did all day
was eat hummus and masturbate.
189
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,233
What's hummus?
190
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,486
That is a Mediterranean
spread, honey.
191
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,896
What's master-ate?
192
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,610
It's a cracker.
193
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,780
Oh, hey, Mitch.
Your hair looks good.
194
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:28,989
Thanks.
195
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:32,281
Yeah, I had to cut it for a
fucking tampon commercial.
196
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:33,494
CARA: Uncle Mitch!
(GASPS)
197
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,871
How's my favorite
ballerina doing?
198
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,169
Hi, Uncle Mitch.
Hi! Wow!
199
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,668
Gosh, you're so light.
Are you dieting?
200
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,582
Do you want to come
to my dance recital?
201
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:43,883
Oh!
202
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,007
No, honey.
203
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,171
The only style of dancing
that Uncle Mitch likes
204
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:51,808
involves a big, shiny pole, and a
broken woman with daddy issues.
205
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,009
(GROANS)
206
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,473
Yeah, story time is over.
207
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,183
Go fix your hair.
208
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,263
Ow.
209
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,141
Mmm, smells good
in here, Jame.
210
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,225
Mmm.
211
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,314
Ooh! Num-nums!
212
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,028
Vegetable medley!
213
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,189
How are you?
Good.
214
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:07,699
You're good?
Yeah.
215
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,200
Are you dating anyone?
216
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,861
Ooh! You know who I ran into?
Who?
217
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,868
Mrs. Hickham at a
Starbucks in Druid Hills.
218
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,828
Our social studies teacher?
Yeah.
219
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,537
I asked her out and she
wouldn't go out with me,
220
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,623
which is crazy, because I
nailed her in high school.
221
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,877
You did? I dated her mouth
for a full semester.
222
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:27,048
(LAUGHING) Okay.
Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.
223
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,546
Is Dave meeting
your needs, sexually?
224
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,299
Yeah, I guess.
MITCH: Good.
225
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:33,883
Not really, mmm-mmm.
Ahh.
226
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:37,015
I would like to strap you to
my face and say the alphabet.
227
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,313
That's going too far.
228
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:40,606
Oh!
229
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:44,903
Look at these
little fuckers!
230
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,527
What's your name? Hey.
231
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,034
What's your name?
What's your name?
232
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,536
Why can't they talk yet?
Are they retarded or something?
233
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:54,912
Don't say...
You can't say that.
234
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,494
Well, this one right here
looks a little Downsy.
235
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,830
Or that.
MITCH: I'm kidding.
236
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,370
A little bit, though?
No.
237
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,584
DAVE: Pumpkin, we'll see you
right after the game, okay?
238
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:04,838
JAMIE: Have fun.
239
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,250
I like it. Oh, God. (CRYING)
240
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,011
Let's go.
Okay. Bye.
241
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,180
(BOTH BABIES CRYING)
(SIGHS)
242
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,432
MITCH: Mitch and Dave.
243
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,719
DAVE: Mitch and Dave,
out on the town.
244
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,683
Oh, dude,
I didn't tell you!
245
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,438
I booked a major
movie role this week.
246
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,605
I auditioned for
a movie role, I got it.
247
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,732
Yeah, first one. Hey, good for you.
What is it called?
248
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,565
Untitled Awesome Movie.
249
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,274
Truly? That's the name?
250
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:28,939
Yeah.
Yeah. Good for you.
251
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,199
Do you want to hotbox this nut sack?
No, no.
252
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,735
I've got a big day tomorrow.
Take the wheel. Steer. Steering wheel.
253
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,028
Oh, steer for me.
254
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,697
Mitch, come on, buddy.
255
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:40,083
Let's make it to the game in
one piece, don't you think?
256
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:43,120
Want to try that?
This Fiero, unfortunately, is airbag-free.
257
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,412
It's a work
day tomorrow.
258
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,298
Come on.
All right, I'll take one hit.
259
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,759
Oh! What the...
You motherfucker!
260
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:51,215
Let's just focus
on the driving.
261
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:54,256
Just say no, Reagan.
God, why would you do that?
262
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,924
Well, we're driving.
God!
263
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,468
This is a car carrying a lot of speed.
This is terrible.
264
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,138
Hit the steering wheel.
I'm going again!
265
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:06,477
(ALL CHEERING)
266
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:08,986
Whoo! Drink!
267
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,606
I'll drink to that. All right!
That was a strikeout.
268
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,368
Huh, what's going on?
It is good to see you again.
269
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:16,987
It's good to see you,
too, Dave.
270
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,450
What's going on
with the women, huh?
271
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,583
I've been seeing a number
of very, very nice ladies.
272
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,414
I got some pictures.
Wow.
273
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,004
That is Tatiana.
274
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,335
Tatiana.
275
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:29,624
What's her last name?
276
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:33,841
It's Tatiana Calls-me- at-three-in-the-morning-
and-wants-to-fuck-stein.
277
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,630
Who gives a shit what her last name is?
(LAUGHS)
278
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,508
Mitch. Reminds me
a little bit of Sabrina.
279
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:40,348
Yeah! Wait,
who's Sabrina?
280
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:43,013
Sabrina. She's this...
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
281
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,352
She's this new law
associate at my work.
282
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,394
She's so hot.
Oh, Mitch, is she hot. Uh-oh.
283
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,146
She's like fall-out-of-a-magazine
hot, you know?
284
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,155
I bet she's number one
on your cancer list, right?
285
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,232
What is that?
286
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,692
Come on, you know what that is.
What is that?
287
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,280
Every married guy
has a cancer list.
288
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,953
It's the first three women
you'd have sex with
289
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,371
if your wife suddenly
died of cancer.
290
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,203
That's fucking sick.
291
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,534
Come on.
That's the mother of my children.
292
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,617
Oh, I know.
293
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,204
But I'll play.
Yes, she'd be at the top of that list.
294
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,542
It's like a gift.
Yeah.
295
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,878
(LAUGHS) But I interrupted you.
Tell me about this one again.
296
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,759
God, last week,
Tatiana, she comes over,
297
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,587
she's wearing this
tight black mini-dress,
298
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:16,717
and you know
what she says to me?
299
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,382
Tell me slow.
No, nothing.
300
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,550
Because all Tatiana wants to
do at 3:00 in the morning
301
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,765
is fucky, fucky,
rubber ducky.
302
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,350
This chick is insatiable!
303
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,891
She wants it in every
position under the sun.
304
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,274
God, you're so lucky.
305
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,857
We do the Wheelbarrow,
the Arabian Goggles,
306
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,273
the Lonesome Dove,
the Arsenio Hall,
307
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,568
the Jelly Donut, the Pastrami
Sandwich, the Wolfgang Puck...
308
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,736
And let me tell you something,
no man is that hungry.
309
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,370
What? I don't even
know what these are.
310
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,452
You're married. You're married, Dave.
That's true.
311
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,082
Anyway,
we start going at it
312
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:48,040
and it gets so intense
that my nose starts bleeding.
313
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,166
Come on.
314
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,668
This is Dracula,
Anne Rice-type shit
315
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:52,874
happening right
in front of me.
316
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,004
Good for you.
317
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,461
When all is said and done, when we
finish up, and the dust settles,
318
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,254
she looks up at me,
and she says,
319
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:02,801
"Mitchell, next Tuesday,
I am coming back here,
320
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,095
"and we're
really going to fuck."
321
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:06,767
Yes!
322
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:09,432
Yes! Tatiana.
323
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,727
Fuck. Mitch, Mitch, Mitch.
324
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:12,940
You're just...
325
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,737
How did I miss this?
326
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,945
I missed all the sex and the
drugs and the bad choices,
327
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:21,077
and I just fucking rushed it, didn't I?
Wasn't I rushing?
328
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,244
You were busy.
329
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,788
Rushing to get into
a good college, right?
330
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,368
And then into
a good law school.
331
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,791
Once I got into
a good law school,
332
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:28,205
I just wanted to get
into a good law firm.
333
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,457
I met Jamie, we got married,
we had Cara, and that was it.
334
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:33,965
I pissed away my 20s, right?
Now it's too late.
335
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,759
Look, shitbird.
You got it made!
336
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,841
You have an
extremely hot wife,
337
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,926
and you got
a beautiful house
338
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:44,093
that's full of furniture
and food and kids.
339
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,510
And you make
a ton of money.
340
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,349
And you come home
at the end of the day
341
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:50,607
and you're surrounded by people
who give a shit about you.
342
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,109
You're never lonely.
343
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,314
What more do you want?
344
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,070
I'll tell you
what I want, okay?
345
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,362
I want something
different.
346
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,198
I want your life,
you know?
347
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:02,031
I want Sabrina.
I want Tatiana.
348
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,616
And sex with strange,
new women.
349
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,780
You're living the dream.
350
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:08,541
How much fun is it being an
actor, working one week a year?
351
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,202
I want to smoke
weed all day.
352
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:14,339
I want to start a book
that I actually finish.
353
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,670
I would like to take
a nice, solid dump
354
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,919
because I'm not
constantly stressed out.
355
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,838
I want to learn
how to rollerblade.
356
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:23,972
And I'd like
to take a piss.
357
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,800
Me, too.
Fountain, fountain, fountain.
358
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,180
Perfect.
359
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,187
Whoo!
360
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,450
MITCH: This chick does
not look happy.
361
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:46,450
I was just saying that
I really envy your life.
362
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:47,621
That's all.
I envy yours.
363
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,540
No, you don't. You're
just trying to be nice.
364
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,292
I'm not.
I do, I envy it.
365
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,873
No. I envy yours.
366
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,037
BOTH: I wish I had your life.
367
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,929
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
368
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:18,982
it's rolling
blackouts or something?
369
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,397
Yeah, I guess.
370
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,819
Look at your flow,
it's so nice and thick.
371
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,028
It's confident.
372
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:30,157
Yours is very steamy.
Thanks.
373
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,329
My urologist says
I run a little hot.
374
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,789
Good to go?
Oh, yeah.
375
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,625
Can you drive?
Oh, yeah!
376
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,855
(BABIES WAILING)
377
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:00,645
Holy fuck-knuckles!
378
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,984
Where is my bong?
379
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,451
Whose fucking kid is that?
380
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:11,156
What is with all
these goddamn pillows?
381
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,625
(SCREAMS) Jamie! Jesus!
382
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,922
What?
That's fucking disgusting!
383
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:22,425
Put those tits away,
this isn't Africa!
384
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:25,128
What am I doing in this bed?
Did I sleep here last night?
385
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:26,921
Did I fucking nail you?
386
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,472
Are you still drunk?
387
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:31,342
Dave!
388
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,769
Where is Lockwood?
389
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:39,810
What the fuck?
390
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,149
Oh, my God.
391
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:43,813
I'm Dave?
392
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:48,485
Oh, my God!
393
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,249
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
394
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,543
MITCH: Open the goddamn
door, Dave.
395
00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:58,919
(SNORING)
396
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,293
Come on, open up the
door, right now.
397
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:02,547
Fuck.
398
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,963
MITCH: Come on, buddy,
open up the door immediately.
399
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,719
Let's do it.
400
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,637
(GROANS)
401
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:11,341
Dave, come on.
Open up the door, right now!
402
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,967
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
403
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,223
Okay, I'm awake.
MITCH: Open up this fucking door!
404
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,805
(EXCLAIMS)
405
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,936
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
406
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,488
MITCH: Open the goddamn
door, Dave!
407
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:26,564
Mitch?
408
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,858
Why am I in your apartment?
409
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,027
MITCH: Dave, hurry up,
open up the door!
410
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,699
(EXCLAIMS)
411
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,032
MITCH: Something very bad has happened.
Wait until you see me.
412
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,825
Wait until you see you!
Jesus Christ, relax.
413
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:40,040
MITCH: Super freaky, dude.
Let's do it!
414
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,789
Oh.
415
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:45,879
What the hell is this?
416
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:49,512
I knew it.
Oh, my God.
417
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,674
Jesus Christ,
what the fuck is this?
418
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,347
Look at this.
419
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,221
Yeah, it's you.
420
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,683
And this is all me.
All of this shit is mine.
421
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,897
You're welcome.
422
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,107
I got this. (GRUNTS)
423
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,395
What are you doing to me?
424
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,906
(STRUGGLES) Hey, stop it.
I'm so strong.
425
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,862
(SHUSHING)
You're choking yourself!
426
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,777
Must wake up.
427
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:13,990
Wake up!
428
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,118
I can't breathe.
Take my hands off you.
429
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,541
Wake up!
Get the fuck off me!
430
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,661
(EXCLAIMING)
431
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,087
Okay, okay, okay!
432
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,586
(PANTING) Go look
in the mirror. Right there!
433
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:28,959
All right?
434
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:31,754
(GROANING)
I'm a douche bag.
435
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,514
I'm a fucking tool!
436
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,257
Oh! What did you do?
437
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,767
What did I do?
You think I want to be you?
438
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,178
Who said I wanted
to be you?
439
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,764
Holy shit, we did.
440
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,266
We wished for
each other's lives
441
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,902
when we were pissing in that
fucking fountain last night.
442
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,404
We wished we had
each other's lives.
443
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:49,779
I was just trying
to be nice!
444
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:51,566
Oh, my God!
445
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,780
(HORN BLARING) MITCH: I know
a shortcut to the fountain.
446
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,365
Go this way.
447
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,113
(TIRES SCREECHING)
448
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:58,618
Careful! Easy.
449
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,283
I got it.
I got it.
450
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,951
(HORNS BLARING)
451
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,627
DAVE: What are we going to do
when we get to the fountain?
452
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:11,757
We're going to take
a piss in it, or...
453
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,297
I don't give a shit.
We're gonna get our lives back.
454
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,642
You've got
to be kidding me.
455
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,315
Hey, where is
the fountain?
456
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:25,725
It is getting restored.
457
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,110
What are you talking about, restored?
Where did you take it?
458
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,862
I don't know, guy,
I just fill the hole.
459
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:30,938
I'm not the
fountain spokesman.
460
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,073
Hey, motherfucker...
(EXCLAIMS)
461
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,484
Whoa, whoa, who could
tell us where it is?
462
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:36,903
Maybe ask the
district manager.
463
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,159
(TIRES SCREECHING)
464
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,339
Nope. It is not
in the computer.
465
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:59,809
Okay, when will it
be in the computer?
466
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,969
Maybe tomorrow.
That's when Victor gets back.
467
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,638
It's not in the computer,
it's not in the park.
468
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:04,851
Who is Victor?
469
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,353
The guy that knows how to
find shit in the computer.
470
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,234
How can you lose
a fountain?
471
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,479
This is a big deal to us, okay?
I mean, it's a fountain!
472
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:14,023
Can you look a little bit harder?
That's incredible!
473
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,533
It is not
in the computer.
474
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:18,035
Yeah, but your attitude
is right on your shoulders.
475
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:19,491
No, no, no!
476
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,200
There was no
physical contact.
477
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,957
We're okay. We're fine.
We're fine.
478
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,082
I have the biggest meeting in my life in 45 minutes.
This isn't happening.
479
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:28,378
Did you have something
you wanted to do today?
480
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,039
I've got day one of
my big break movie.
481
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,379
If I don't make this meeting,
I don't make partner,
482
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,714
and the last 15 years of my life,
everything I've done, wasted!
483
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:35,886
All right, fine,
I'll do it.
484
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,389
I've got it.
I'll do it.
485
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,054
I got you.
Do what?
486
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,389
I'm an actor.
Human chameleon.
487
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:43,973
I can do lawyer in my fucking sleep.
Give me the keys.
488
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,558
Oh, you'll play me
in one of your productions?
489
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,018
Yeah, give me the keys.
Okay, no.
490
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:49,309
Why?
Because you're...
491
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:50,483
Careful.
492
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:53,650
Because there's more to being a lawyer
than what you see on TV, Mitch.
493
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:54,814
Is there?
Yeah.
494
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,153
I object!
Oh, my God.
495
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:58,488
Okay?
No!
496
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:01,404
Wrong, my friend. You don't know the
first thing about being a lawyer.
497
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:02,571
You're not
a trained actor.
498
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:03,910
Neither are you.
499
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:05,325
Save it, all right, Dave?
500
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:06,579
It's one day.
We're Mitch and Dave!
501
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:08,411
We can do one day of anything.
Give me the keys.
502
00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:11,372
Let's go.
Do you have a better plan?
503
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:13,378
Shit. Okay. All right.
504
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,339
You've got 41 minutes, okay?
Great!
505
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,879
Go to my house, get
dressed in my clothes.
506
00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:20,844
Then you go to my office, find
my legal associate, Sabrina.
507
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,599
Get the merger
documents from her,
508
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,518
take them to
the conference room, and...
509
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,099
Oh, God, the partners
are going to be there.
510
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:29,607
Listen, do not say
a single word.
511
00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:30,766
What if somebody
asks me a question?
512
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,560
They're not going to
ask you a damn thing.
513
00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,444
Once the meeting starts, you
will continue to say nothing.
514
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:36,401
When a partner asks you
for the merger documents,
515
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:39,443
you will then
silently hand them over.
516
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:41,281
I get it. Play it big,
but maintain my reality.
517
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,615
It's pretty simple.
No! You play it small.
518
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,155
I have spent
the last nine months
519
00:22:44,238 --> 00:22:45,535
banging out
the terms of this deal.
520
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:47,871
The only thing you have to do is
hand over the documents, that's it.
521
00:22:47,950 --> 00:22:48,951
Dude, easy as fuck.
522
00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:51,120
You can't say things like
that in the meeting, Mitch.
523
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:52,288
True. Good note.
524
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:54,923
For me, you go to my house, okay?
All my info is on my fridge.
525
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:57,005
When you get to the set,
you go to hair and makeup,
526
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:58,085
and you learn your lines.
527
00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:00,596
Most of all, do not fuck
this up for me, all right?
528
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:03,633
This is my big break, my Raging Bull.
Do you hear me?
529
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:05,767
You respect my art,
you respect my life.
530
00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:06,927
You respect mine.
531
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:08,596
Yeah, I got you. Power hug.
Come on. Yeah, okay.
532
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:12,646
(EXCLAIMS) Hold on.
You got to pick up Cara.
533
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,810
Pick up Cara from
ballet at 4:00, okay?
534
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:16,320
I am fucking all
over that shit.
535
00:23:16,478 --> 00:23:18,071
Holy shit.
536
00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:19,319
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
537
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,505
Early morning on the
golf course, Lockwood?
538
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:36,290
Ha-ha! Terrific!
539
00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:47,013
Num-nums!
540
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,019
(LAUGHS) Fucking score!
541
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,146
Fucking grocery store.
542
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:56,144
Look at all of this
for little Mitchie-poo.
543
00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:57,777
Nice!
544
00:23:58,562 --> 00:23:59,859
Oh, there you are.
545
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,658
I redid the 10-19 variants,
everything else is the same. Ready?
546
00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:05,027
Oh, you must
be Sabrina, huh?
547
00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:06,953
You must be Dave.
548
00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:08,781
Are we role-playing or something?
Because we're late.
549
00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:11,033
He didn't tell me you were
a big, fat, fucking boner.
550
00:24:12,993 --> 00:24:14,791
Sorry. That was unprofessional.
Wasn't it?
551
00:24:15,204 --> 00:24:17,548
Dave have a mimosa for breakfast?
A little nervous?
552
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:18,707
That was a joke. Hey...
553
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,876
I've got one really important
question before we go.
554
00:24:21,043 --> 00:24:22,886
All this food here,
is it free?
555
00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:26,507
You got this.
556
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:27,675
Yeah, I got it.
557
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:28,847
I got it.
Okay. (LAUGHS)
558
00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:30,010
Let's do this.
559
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:31,721
All right.
You remember though?
560
00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:34,106
Oh, right.
It's down there. Got it.
561
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:39,270
(PEOPLE TALKING)
562
00:24:54,785 --> 00:24:56,628
Lockwood.
Yep.
563
00:24:57,579 --> 00:25:00,378
Perhaps you would like to sit
on our side of the table.
564
00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:03,877
Thanks.
565
00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:11,264
FLEMMING: Now, before we
formalize this merger,
566
00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:15,148
are there any outstanding
questions we might address?
567
00:25:15,764 --> 00:25:17,311
Our back-of-the-envelope
analysis
568
00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:21,441
(CHAIR CLICKING LOUDLY) shows your
P&L to be 2% less than expected
569
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:22,775
as per the MAC clause.
570
00:25:23,605 --> 00:25:25,778
Can I get confirmation
that the EBITDA
571
00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:28,160
still aligns
with comfortable...
572
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:30,279
Dave?
573
00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:34,792
Dave!
Yes. Dave is here.
574
00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:38,287
Hey, man.
575
00:25:38,412 --> 00:25:39,459
Hey.
576
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,127
Oh, I've got your thing.
577
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:43,542
Boom!
578
00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:45,632
No, Dave, uh...
579
00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:49,515
Mr. Kinkabe had a question
about the EBITDA.
580
00:25:54,470 --> 00:25:55,471
Okay.
581
00:25:58,474 --> 00:25:59,475
Uh, how is it?
582
00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:04,146
Good.
583
00:26:06,106 --> 00:26:07,483
Good?
584
00:26:09,151 --> 00:26:10,368
What am I saying?
585
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:12,154
EBITDA is bad.
586
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,372
Fucking terrible.
587
00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:15,992
(ALL MURMURING)
588
00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:18,703
Are you saying the premium
needs to be adjusted?
589
00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:20,037
I didn't say that.
590
00:26:20,204 --> 00:26:21,956
Did you hear
me say it? Nope.
591
00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,123
What about our WACC?
592
00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:25,584
Huh? What PPS multiple
are you using?
593
00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:27,669
What's that?
Is the financing still stable?
594
00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:28,800
Hang on, guys.
595
00:26:28,879 --> 00:26:31,723
Fucking 25 guys on this side.
Can you fire at somebody else?
596
00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:33,259
Can anybody else
field the fucking question?
597
00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,098
Dave?
Yep.
598
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:37,683
It's your job
to know this.
599
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:39,853
Yeah, and I know that.
600
00:26:40,224 --> 00:26:43,273
You know, we're...
Everything is...
601
00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:45,020
Here is the deal.
602
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:47,948
We are very rich.
603
00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:49,905
(IMITATING ASIAN ACCENT)
Everybody rich!
604
00:26:50,943 --> 00:26:52,570
So let's sign this.
605
00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:55,535
What's the worst
that can happen? Right?
606
00:26:55,697 --> 00:26:57,995
We will just
roll this party out
607
00:26:58,117 --> 00:27:00,415
to some sushi and
some sake bombs.
608
00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:03,706
Moustache is buying.
And then a little karaoke for dessert?
609
00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:05,044
What have we
got to lose?
610
00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:08,051
Let's bones that.
Huh, 'stache?
611
00:27:08,210 --> 00:27:09,587
KINKABE: Is this
some kind of joke?
612
00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:11,422
Are you trying to
poison the well?
613
00:27:11,588 --> 00:27:13,636
You are the one on a fishing
expedition, Kinkabe.
614
00:27:13,799 --> 00:27:15,722
You were never serious
about this merger.
615
00:27:15,801 --> 00:27:16,848
KINKABE: Me?
616
00:27:16,927 --> 00:27:19,555
This moron works for you.
You are the one sabotaging it.
617
00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:21,769
Fuck you with that...
"Moron" is a bad word here.
618
00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:22,933
This merger is over.
619
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:26,320
You have just made the biggest
mistake of your career, mister.
620
00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:28,071
I will see you in court. No, no.
621
00:27:28,230 --> 00:27:30,483
What a bunch
of bullshit!
622
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,902
Hang on.
Don't get up.
623
00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,241
Is this a break?
Taking a break?
624
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:37,288
Quick fiver?
625
00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:38,911
(EXCLAIMING)
626
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:40,580
What the hell
was that?
627
00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:42,995
Relax. This is good.
628
00:27:43,162 --> 00:27:44,414
Look at how
great this is.
629
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:48,084
It's all part of my
secret master plan.
630
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:49,752
It is?
You bet.
631
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:50,919
You are hurting my
arm a little bit.
632
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:55,800
This deal is critical to the
very survival of this firm.
633
00:27:55,966 --> 00:27:57,309
Is that clear?
I got it.
634
00:27:57,759 --> 00:27:59,887
I know what I'm doing.
I've been doing it for...
635
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:01,347
How long have I
been doing it here, huh?
636
00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:03,311
How long have I worked here?
You know that.
637
00:28:03,473 --> 00:28:04,645
(EXHALES)
I don't know.
638
00:28:05,017 --> 00:28:06,564
Nine years, 10.
Yeah.
639
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:08,941
Yeah. Perfect.
Exactly 10 years, that's exactly right.
640
00:28:09,104 --> 00:28:10,856
And have I ever
steered you wrong?
641
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:12,487
No.
642
00:28:13,942 --> 00:28:14,943
Trust me, bro.
643
00:28:15,194 --> 00:28:16,195
Bro?
644
00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:18,947
Fine.
645
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:22,623
But from here on out, you are
on an extremely short leash!
646
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:23,876
Understand?
647
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:26,630
Now, go.
Put on some proper clothes.
648
00:28:26,788 --> 00:28:27,880
You look like a Jew.
649
00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:29,796
Oh.
650
00:28:32,502 --> 00:28:35,130
DAVE: Excuse me, hello.
Where do the movie stars park?
651
00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:47,017
Hello, there. Hey, man.
What's up?
652
00:28:48,310 --> 00:28:49,903
Where the fuck is
hair and makeup?
653
00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:51,689
Mitch Planko.
Fuck me.
654
00:28:55,150 --> 00:28:56,151
Right there.
655
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:57,910
Fuck me.
656
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:04,159
Oh, look at that.
That looks like fun.
657
00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:07,246
Ready for you on set.
658
00:29:07,496 --> 00:29:10,090
Anything I can get you?
Vitamin water or Pellegrino?
659
00:29:10,249 --> 00:29:12,172
No, thank you.
I just have a quick question.
660
00:29:12,334 --> 00:29:13,927
What does that mean,
there, "TS?"
661
00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:15,880
Titty shot.
662
00:29:16,171 --> 00:29:17,923
And, "BTS,"
right there?
663
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,343
Bouncing titty shot.
Bouncing titty shot.
664
00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:22,719
Steve Driver,
coming to the set.
665
00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:25,306
I'm just curious, what
kind of movie is this?
666
00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:26,390
It's a Iorno.
667
00:29:27,015 --> 00:29:29,188
I'm not familiar with that genre.
Is that European?
668
00:29:29,351 --> 00:29:31,945
Lorno, "Light porno."
Tits and shadows.
669
00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:33,856
You ever hear
of Skinemax?
670
00:29:37,943 --> 00:29:38,944
Oh, no.
671
00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:40,074
Come on, big guy.
672
00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:42,281
(WITH ACCENT) No, no, no.
More oil.
673
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:43,699
Make him shiny
like fish.
674
00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:44,866
Are you the one
in charge here?
675
00:29:45,033 --> 00:29:47,035
Mitch, I'm Valtan,
the director.
676
00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:49,671
Oh, good. There's been
some kind of mistake...
677
00:29:49,746 --> 00:29:50,793
Mona!
678
00:29:50,956 --> 00:29:52,253
Where the fuck is...
I'm here!
679
00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:53,375
Hey!
680
00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:56,379
Here's the scene, okay?
You going to enter with a gun...
681
00:29:56,545 --> 00:29:57,717
Where the gun?
682
00:29:58,672 --> 00:30:00,845
Mitch, you going to come in.
Guard going to try to stop you.
683
00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:04,269
Line, line, line.
You knock him the fuck out, okay?
684
00:30:04,469 --> 00:30:06,471
You see Mona.
She lying there in the bed.
685
00:30:06,555 --> 00:30:08,353
Then we bounce titty,
bounce titty, bounce titty,
686
00:30:08,432 --> 00:30:13,279
slow mo, bouncy titty,
Iicky tip of nipple,
687
00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:15,321
regular speed,
bouncy titty,
688
00:30:15,397 --> 00:30:17,616
slap the ass, slap the
ass, slap the ass,
689
00:30:17,691 --> 00:30:20,570
and a wind come in, blow out a candle.
Finite. What do you think?
690
00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:23,451
Oh, it's like a poem!
It's like a poem!
691
00:30:24,323 --> 00:30:27,076
Mitch is gonna be great
in our movie film.
692
00:30:27,159 --> 00:30:28,661
Lock it up!
MAN 1: Locking it up.
693
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:31,042
Have a good scene.
Places, everyone.
694
00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:33,419
MAN 1: Quiet on the set. This is heavy.
Do you want to take...
695
00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:35,091
The camera is rolling.
696
00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:37,794
Question.
VALTAN: And action!
697
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:42,257
Hey.
698
00:30:43,342 --> 00:30:44,514
Action!
699
00:30:50,098 --> 00:30:51,350
No entry!
700
00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:54,020
MAN 2: (WHISPERING)
Mitch, here.
701
00:30:55,604 --> 00:30:57,447
If you let...
702
00:30:58,106 --> 00:31:01,280
If you let me don't in,
Taco, I will fuck you dead.
703
00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:02,861
That can't be right.
704
00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:05,493
All right, come on!
Just knock him the fuck out, go inside.
705
00:31:05,655 --> 00:31:07,373
Keep rolling!
MAN 1: Still rolling.
706
00:31:07,449 --> 00:31:08,450
VALTAN: Action!
707
00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:11,252
(GRUNTING)
708
00:31:13,205 --> 00:31:14,627
Come on.
I barely hit him.
709
00:31:14,831 --> 00:31:17,710
All right, we fix it in post.
Just keep rolling, keep rolling.
710
00:31:17,876 --> 00:31:18,968
MAN 1: Keep rolling!
711
00:31:22,631 --> 00:31:23,974
Lola, wake up surprise.
712
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:25,384
(SCREAMING)
713
00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:27,887
Holy shit!
714
00:31:28,178 --> 00:31:32,479
Steve Driver,
you perfect bastard, you.
715
00:31:32,808 --> 00:31:33,809
VALTAN: Rip it off.
716
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:35,102
(MOANING)
717
00:31:36,019 --> 00:31:37,612
(EXCLAIMS)
718
00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:38,901
God!
719
00:31:39,064 --> 00:31:42,159
Oh, yeah, eat that titty, boy.
Eat that titty.
720
00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:44,911
(PURRING) Yeah, yeah!
Eat that titty.
721
00:31:45,487 --> 00:31:46,739
Oh, Shit.
722
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:50,833
VALTAN: Like Cheerio,
boy. Delish!
723
00:31:51,576 --> 00:31:54,250
(MOANING) Yeah!
Breakfast champion, boys.
724
00:31:54,663 --> 00:31:56,336
Mount for sex time.
725
00:31:56,498 --> 00:31:57,920
Go! On bed.
726
00:31:58,083 --> 00:32:00,211
Give it to me, Steve!
727
00:32:00,377 --> 00:32:01,879
VALTAN: Come on!
Okay, okay, okay.
728
00:32:02,045 --> 00:32:03,342
(PURRING)
VALTAN: Yeah!
729
00:32:03,505 --> 00:32:05,007
Pump that ass, boy.
730
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:06,933
Go, boy!
(GROANS)
731
00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:09,186
Loosen hips,
loosen hips.
732
00:32:09,344 --> 00:32:11,017
(MOANING) VALTAN: Go!
Deep thrusting!
733
00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:12,772
VALTAN: Yeah!
734
00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:14,774
Put your thumb
up her butt.
735
00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:17,686
What?
736
00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:20,355
Stick your thumb
up her butthole.
737
00:32:21,565 --> 00:32:23,317
I promise you,
it's nice, clean.
738
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,778
You eat cake off
lady's Starfish, okay?
739
00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:27,195
Ahhh...
740
00:32:27,404 --> 00:32:28,530
No.
741
00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:31,537
(PURRING)
742
00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:36,037
I have killed people.
743
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:37,794
Mostly men.
744
00:32:38,707 --> 00:32:40,630
I'm not allowed
back in Eastern Bloc.
745
00:32:42,169 --> 00:32:45,173
Now, you put your thumb
up nice lady's butthole,
746
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,094
or else, maybe you have
an accident on set.
747
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:53,147
Maybe light fall on your head,
maybe you get electrocute.
748
00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:56,725
Maybe goat fuck your mouth.
I don't know.
749
00:32:56,892 --> 00:32:59,065
Movie set be very
dangerous place.
750
00:32:59,227 --> 00:33:00,479
Mmm-hmm.
751
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:03,073
Okay.
And have fun with it.
752
00:33:03,148 --> 00:33:05,742
Okay.
Keep rolling, keep rolling.
753
00:33:07,027 --> 00:33:08,404
I'm going to hell.
754
00:33:09,863 --> 00:33:11,080
(SQUELCHING)
(MONA EXCLAIMS)
755
00:33:11,156 --> 00:33:12,829
Oh, Steve!
756
00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:15,377
It's like Christmas
in my ass!
757
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:18,004
VALTAN: Moving it around!
Moving it around! (MOANING)
758
00:33:18,163 --> 00:33:19,255
Like iPhone.
759
00:33:19,581 --> 00:33:20,628
Yeah.
760
00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:22,584
Hey, purchase
some apps!
761
00:33:22,751 --> 00:33:24,753
Buy Angry Birds!
762
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,763
And enter Dimitri.
763
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:28,931
Dimitri?
764
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:32,010
Hi, Dimitri.
765
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:33,603
What are you doing
with my wife, man?
766
00:33:33,762 --> 00:33:36,857
VALTAN: Thrust!
Don't improvise, okay?
767
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:38,688
Keep thrusting,
keep thrusting.
768
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:41,273
VALTAN: Pump it.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
769
00:33:41,436 --> 00:33:42,779
Now kiss that boy.
770
00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:44,781
No, no, no.
I'm good, Dimitri.
771
00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:47,113
You're going
to kiss that boy.
772
00:33:47,275 --> 00:33:48,242
Come on.
(MOANING)
773
00:33:48,318 --> 00:33:49,319
Okay, we're good.
(MOANING LOUDLY)
774
00:33:50,779 --> 00:33:53,077
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
775
00:33:53,949 --> 00:33:55,792
Tall arms.
Tall arms.
776
00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:57,794
Remember to smile, girls.
777
00:33:58,411 --> 00:33:59,412
Very nice.
778
00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:02,127
Focus.
779
00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:04,626
Arms up. Tall.
780
00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:05,794
Excellent, girls.
781
00:34:05,961 --> 00:34:07,383
Smile. Focus.
782
00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:08,463
(GRUNTS)
783
00:34:11,466 --> 00:34:14,094
(SIGHS) Cara, do try
to stay on your toes.
784
00:34:16,304 --> 00:34:17,977
Let's start again.
785
00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:21,318
(MOUTHS)
786
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,027
Shouldn't I be
sitting in my car seat?
787
00:34:27,190 --> 00:34:28,191
No, no. You're good.
788
00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:30,326
Hey, tell me about the big
girl who knocked you over.
789
00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:32,328
That's Nicolette Peters.
790
00:34:32,487 --> 00:34:34,535
She does it
a lot, actually.
791
00:34:34,698 --> 00:34:37,451
She does it a lot?
Why don't you fight back?
792
00:34:38,326 --> 00:34:39,999
Uh, because you
told me not to.
793
00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:41,287
I what?
794
00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:44,549
You said I should strive
for verbal resolution.
795
00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:47,961
Uh, you know,
Daddy sometimes...
796
00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:50,506
How do I...
Here's what you do.
797
00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:54,393
What you do is you fuck
verbal resolution, okay?
798
00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:57,225
You put that whore on her
back, and you shank her.
799
00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:58,388
You know how
to make a shiv?
800
00:34:58,888 --> 00:35:00,231
What?
Listen to me.
801
00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:02,358
If somebody comes
at you with a knife,
802
00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,653
you put her whole
family in the morgue.
803
00:35:04,811 --> 00:35:06,028
That is jailyard justice.
804
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:08,189
Because if you don't come
back hard on a bitch,
805
00:35:08,356 --> 00:35:09,482
you're going to
end up getting sold
806
00:35:09,566 --> 00:35:11,489
for a pack of Camel
Lights and a Jell-O cup.
807
00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:13,745
Do you understand
what I'm saying to you?
808
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:16,493
Always solve your
problems with violence.
809
00:35:16,656 --> 00:35:18,203
Okay, Daddy.
810
00:35:18,366 --> 00:35:19,413
Great.
811
00:35:19,993 --> 00:35:21,336
Want to get
some Pinkberry?
812
00:35:24,414 --> 00:35:26,257
(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)
813
00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:27,880
Hey.
814
00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:29,210
BOTH: Hey, how did it go?
815
00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:31,095
You shut up!
What happened?
816
00:35:31,296 --> 00:35:32,923
We'll get into Mr.
Thumb's wild ride in a minute.
817
00:35:33,089 --> 00:35:34,591
First, you're going to tell
me, how did the deal go?
818
00:35:34,758 --> 00:35:36,101
Awesome.
The deal went awesome.
819
00:35:36,259 --> 00:35:37,727
Good. So, it's closed?
820
00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:39,934
Yeah, fucking closed.
Basically closed.
821
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:41,097
A little bit
of a hiccup, but...
822
00:35:41,264 --> 00:35:42,766
(EXCLAIMS) What do
you mean, a hiccup?
823
00:35:42,932 --> 00:35:43,933
A little bit
of a hiccup.
824
00:35:44,017 --> 00:35:46,361
Your fucking boss is an anti-Semite.
Did you know that?
825
00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:48,271
Oh, my God!
What did you do?
826
00:35:48,438 --> 00:35:50,111
I was playing it nice and cool,
just like we talked about,
827
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,196
and then these goddamn
squids, these Japs,
828
00:35:52,359 --> 00:35:54,157
these fucking Kamikaze
pilots are coming at me,
829
00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:55,612
riddling me with
fucking questions.
830
00:35:55,695 --> 00:35:57,538
I had to do a little improv,
and they got very emotional.
831
00:35:57,697 --> 00:35:59,040
Will you just
tell me how it ended?
832
00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:01,668
You're going to court.
No! Fuck! Oh, my God!
833
00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:02,873
Your boss was
a little pissed off.
834
00:36:03,036 --> 00:36:04,288
I told him it was part
of my secret master plan.
835
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:05,455
No, you didn't!
836
00:36:05,622 --> 00:36:08,421
We'll work on one of those.
You tell me how my shit went.
837
00:36:08,583 --> 00:36:10,756
Oh, your shit?
How'd my stuff go?
838
00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:12,587
Mitch, what the hell
is wrong with you?
839
00:36:12,671 --> 00:36:13,763
It was a porno movie!
840
00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:15,344
It's a Iorno,
a light porn.
841
00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:16,850
The dick stays
in the pants, right?
842
00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:18,225
They didn't pull
it out, did they?
843
00:36:18,385 --> 00:36:21,104
But my thumb went in
three girls' assholes.
844
00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:22,889
Oh, fuck, get the sand
out of your vagina.
845
00:36:23,056 --> 00:36:24,057
Did you finish the day?
846
00:36:24,224 --> 00:36:25,441
I finished the day,
Mitchell.
847
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:26,692
What are you doing?
848
00:36:26,768 --> 00:36:27,769
I finished the day.
Good.
849
00:36:27,936 --> 00:36:28,983
You're living the dream.
850
00:36:29,062 --> 00:36:31,110
You're living the fucking dream!
Your job sucks, too.
851
00:36:31,272 --> 00:36:32,615
This isn't going to work.
852
00:36:32,774 --> 00:36:35,744
This is not going to work.
That's way too much.
853
00:36:41,366 --> 00:36:43,619
Hey, man, hang on.
What are you planning on telling her?
854
00:36:43,785 --> 00:36:44,786
I'm telling her the truth.
855
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:46,296
The truth?
Yeah.
856
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:47,546
That's going to work.
857
00:36:47,622 --> 00:36:48,623
Jamie will know what to do.
858
00:36:49,082 --> 00:36:51,460
Jame. Jame.
859
00:36:52,794 --> 00:36:53,966
Hey, sugarbug.
860
00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:55,176
Hi, Daddy!
861
00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:57,306
Hey!
862
00:36:57,465 --> 00:36:59,308
Hey, my precocious
little daughter.
863
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:00,719
I don't talk like that.
864
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:02,728
You do.
I really don't. No one does.
865
00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:04,389
Jamie, hey!
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
866
00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:06,308
I'm so glad you're here.
It's been so crazy.
867
00:37:06,933 --> 00:37:08,731
Oh, that's appropriate.
868
00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:10,645
Hey, Mitch.
Jamie, we need to talk.
869
00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:11,813
Are you going to
stay for dinner?
870
00:37:11,980 --> 00:37:14,779
No, I can't stay for dinner,
but I would love to...
871
00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:16,113
Look, I got to
tell you something.
872
00:37:16,276 --> 00:37:18,825
I can't talk right now, Mitch.
It's been so crazy here.
873
00:37:18,987 --> 00:37:20,910
The twins are a half-hour
past their bedtime.
874
00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:23,495
What are you doing?
What are you, some kind of animal?
875
00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:25,080
And Cara has to
start her homework.
876
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:28,588
I have an emergency phone
call in four minutes.
877
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:29,919
You know that building?
878
00:37:30,081 --> 00:37:32,004
The 11-story building?
Yup.
879
00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:35,296
I have to remove three stories somehow.
Isn't that crazy?
880
00:37:35,378 --> 00:37:36,379
Yeah.
881
00:37:36,463 --> 00:37:37,806
It's so ridiculous.
It makes no sense at all.
882
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:39,181
I'm not Mitch.
883
00:37:40,508 --> 00:37:42,306
What?
I'm Mitch.
884
00:37:42,469 --> 00:37:44,563
He's Mitch. I'm Mitch.
Somehow we switched bodies.
885
00:37:44,637 --> 00:37:46,139
And I'm Dave.
That's Dave. Yeah.
886
00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:47,269
Oh.
887
00:37:47,348 --> 00:37:49,976
What happened was, we pissed
in a magic fountain...
888
00:37:50,143 --> 00:37:51,816
Uh-huh. ...
and the next day it disappeared.
889
00:37:51,978 --> 00:37:54,197
They moved the fountain,
so now we're looking for it.
890
00:37:54,355 --> 00:37:56,198
And when they find it,
we're going to switch back.
891
00:37:56,357 --> 00:37:57,358
We had to pee
because we were drinking.
892
00:37:57,525 --> 00:37:58,617
We were drinking.
893
00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:01,030
That sounds like a plan.
Can you start the bath for the twins?
894
00:38:01,362 --> 00:38:03,035
Okay, pumpkin, this is...
895
00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:05,200
(EXCLAIMING) Mitch, no.
896
00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:07,536
Don't call me
pumpkin, okay?
897
00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:09,875
And you promised me that
you would clean out...
898
00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:11,381
Can you shut this off?
899
00:38:11,539 --> 00:38:13,883
It smells like cabbage now!
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, sit down.
900
00:38:14,042 --> 00:38:15,840
One second.
Just humor me, all right?
901
00:38:16,002 --> 00:38:18,221
I want you to
ask me one thing...
902
00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:19,380
I don't want to
play your games.
903
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:20,548
...That only Dave
would be able to answer.
904
00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:22,513
Just one question.
Please, I'm begging you.
905
00:38:22,675 --> 00:38:23,892
Good idea.
906
00:38:24,302 --> 00:38:27,397
Okay, when is
our anniversary, Dave?
907
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:30,066
April 17th.
Next question, please.
908
00:38:30,266 --> 00:38:31,267
Wrong.
909
00:38:31,476 --> 00:38:32,693
So close. Nineteenth.
910
00:38:32,769 --> 00:38:35,067
Seventeenth's your daughter's
birthday, 19th's your anniversary.
911
00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:36,698
DAVE: Why do you know that?
MITCH: Do you think I'm a monster?
912
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:38,658
I send you a card every year.
Jamie, listen to me.
913
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:39,734
Ask me anything else.
914
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:41,987
Oh, my gosh!
Mitch,
915
00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:44,072
I don't have
time for this!
916
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,241
Come on, one more.
Just make it tough.
917
00:38:46,407 --> 00:38:48,159
Only Dave would know.
A stumper.
918
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:51,921
Fine. What is my
favorite color, Dave?
919
00:38:55,041 --> 00:38:56,668
Red.
Celadon.
920
00:38:57,085 --> 00:38:59,008
Do you not understand what we're
trying to accomplish here?
921
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:00,763
Not a drop of
the red in the room.
922
00:39:00,922 --> 00:39:02,265
All the accents
are celadon.
923
00:39:02,423 --> 00:39:03,424
It's like
the opposite of help.
924
00:39:03,550 --> 00:39:05,894
Okay, honey, I got it.
925
00:39:06,052 --> 00:39:08,020
I'm going to
tell you something
926
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,598
that only I, Dave,
would know.
927
00:39:10,014 --> 00:39:12,563
Three years ago,
you took your vibrator...
928
00:39:12,725 --> 00:39:15,274
(WHISPERING) You took your vibrator...
Morning!
929
00:39:15,436 --> 00:39:18,531
...Into the bathtub
and it short-circuited
930
00:39:18,606 --> 00:39:20,279
and it electrocuted
your vagina.
931
00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:21,359
Hang on.
932
00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:24,946
And there's now the cutest
little bald spot right there.
933
00:39:25,113 --> 00:39:26,660
(LAUGHING)
934
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:30,793
Yeah.
935
00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:38,759
Hi.
936
00:39:39,377 --> 00:39:40,549
Oh, my God.
937
00:39:40,795 --> 00:39:43,469
I know. It's me.
This hasn't been fun.
938
00:39:43,631 --> 00:39:44,632
Good story.
939
00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:46,767
You son of a bitch!
940
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:49,141
How dare you
tell him that?
941
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:50,221
God!
(EXCLAIMS)
942
00:39:50,305 --> 00:39:52,649
What is wrong
with you two?
943
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:53,808
God damn!
944
00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:55,810
How would you
like it if I told him
945
00:39:55,977 --> 00:39:58,400
that you have a ball
that feels like two balls?
946
00:39:58,938 --> 00:40:00,815
So it's like you
have three balls.
947
00:40:00,982 --> 00:40:03,781
Dave has three balls.
A bouquet of balls.
948
00:40:03,860 --> 00:40:04,952
Bad! Bad!
949
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,072
(BABIES CRYING)
950
00:40:07,155 --> 00:40:08,748
This idea fucking sucked.
951
00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:13,336
Listen, I don't want you
to worry about anything.
952
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:14,495
I'll be able to
hold down the fort.
953
00:40:14,662 --> 00:40:16,005
We got to find that fountain
as soon as possible.
954
00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:18,166
It's like a can of
tennis balls down here.
955
00:40:18,333 --> 00:40:19,960
The only problem I see is,
what do I tell Jamie?
956
00:40:20,126 --> 00:40:21,127
What do you
tell Jamie, what?
957
00:40:21,294 --> 00:40:23,422
When she wants to
have sex tonight?
958
00:40:23,963 --> 00:40:24,964
Think about that.
959
00:40:27,759 --> 00:40:29,511
You're not having sex
with my wife, Mitch.
960
00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:30,603
Obviously, bro.
961
00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:32,180
But if she comes at
me like a hurricane,
962
00:40:32,305 --> 00:40:33,807
a guy can only
withstand so much.
963
00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:35,437
Mitch.
964
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:38,269
Dave. We're trying to pull
something off here, okay?
965
00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:40,279
Now, I might have to hit that, okay?
She'll know.
966
00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:42,691
Now, how many times a day
do you guys have sex?
967
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:45,030
I'll have
to pace it out.
968
00:40:45,693 --> 00:40:46,694
What day is it today?
969
00:40:47,362 --> 00:40:49,535
I don't know.
Is it Tuesday?
970
00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:53,660
Yeah. You know what?
It's a non-issue.
971
00:40:53,826 --> 00:40:55,499
What does that mean?
You guys don't have sex on Tuesdays?
972
00:40:55,578 --> 00:40:57,000
(LAUGHING)
973
00:40:57,538 --> 00:40:58,539
Take the day off?
974
00:41:02,168 --> 00:41:03,169
That's adorable.
975
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:04,712
Tell you what.
976
00:41:05,380 --> 00:41:08,509
If she comes on
like a hurricane...
977
00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:09,892
Just drill it.
978
00:41:10,051 --> 00:41:12,804
Yeah, what can you do?
You're only human. Give me the keys.
979
00:41:13,054 --> 00:41:14,977
Smart.
Yeah.
980
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:16,561
Okay. Please be
careful with her.
981
00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:18,351
It's like we're
swapping rides.
982
00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:19,565
It's just like that.
983
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,239
Thanks, buddy,
you're being very cool.
984
00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:31,747
(SIGHS)
985
00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:40,206
Dear God.
986
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:44,507
Oh, my goodness.
Look at this, huh?
987
00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:47,256
Bang. Thank you, Mommy.
988
00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:50,387
Why don't you tell Daddy about
what happened at school today?
989
00:41:50,550 --> 00:41:53,053
I wrote a spring poem
990
00:41:53,219 --> 00:41:57,440
and Miss Byers only put
Angelica's poem up on the wall
991
00:41:57,598 --> 00:41:59,942
and she didn't put my
poem up on the wall.
992
00:42:00,101 --> 00:42:01,603
And why would
she do that?
993
00:42:01,769 --> 00:42:03,021
I thought
she liked me.
994
00:42:03,229 --> 00:42:04,355
Dave.
Yeah.
995
00:42:04,522 --> 00:42:05,694
Cara's talking to you.
996
00:42:05,857 --> 00:42:07,109
What?
She's talking to you.
997
00:42:07,942 --> 00:42:11,913
Well, Cara, her poem was
probably much better than yours.
998
00:42:12,405 --> 00:42:13,952
Let's eat.
Dave.
999
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:15,367
I didn't read
the bitch's poem,
1000
00:42:15,450 --> 00:42:17,248
but maybe she can really turn a phrase.
Let's eat.
1001
00:42:18,578 --> 00:42:20,421
Tell Cara that
her poem was good.
1002
00:42:20,621 --> 00:42:22,623
You just hurt
her feelings.
1003
00:42:22,874 --> 00:42:24,922
I didn't read her poem, either.
Do you want me to lie to her?
1004
00:42:25,126 --> 00:42:26,878
Is that what this is?
Fine, I don't care.
1005
00:42:27,754 --> 00:42:31,384
Cara, honey, your poem,
which I did not read,
1006
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:34,302
was way, way better
than the other girl's poem,
1007
00:42:34,469 --> 00:42:36,642
which I also did not read.
1008
00:42:37,597 --> 00:42:38,564
Let's eat.
1009
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:41,142
It's Cara. Not Cara.
1010
00:42:41,642 --> 00:42:42,643
It's what?
1011
00:42:42,769 --> 00:42:44,646
Are you having a stroke
right now or something?
1012
00:42:44,812 --> 00:42:47,816
What did I call her?
What about the dinner song, Daddy?
1013
00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:49,901
What about the what?
1014
00:42:49,984 --> 00:42:51,327
What's she saying?
The dinner song.
1015
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:52,528
What's that?
The dinner song?
1016
00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:54,993
Are you joking me?
No, I'm not joking you.
1017
00:42:55,156 --> 00:42:56,908
There's a song?
Sing the dinner song, honey.
1018
00:42:56,991 --> 00:42:58,288
Course, there's a song.
Just sing the dinner song.
1019
00:42:58,451 --> 00:42:59,498
I don't feel like
singing it tonight.
1020
00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:00,661
No, sing the dinner song.
1021
00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:01,829
You sing the dinner song.
1022
00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:03,839
Maybe you need to sing the dinner song.
Sing the dinner song.
1023
00:43:03,998 --> 00:43:04,999
I'm sick of that song.
1024
00:43:05,166 --> 00:43:06,509
Sing the dinner song.
Sing it!
1025
00:43:06,667 --> 00:43:08,089
I got it. I heard you.
1026
00:43:08,252 --> 00:43:09,754
(SINGING NOTE)
1027
00:43:11,631 --> 00:43:14,510
Dinner song
1028
00:43:15,426 --> 00:43:17,849
Dinner song
1029
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:19,267
(BABIES CRYING)
1030
00:43:19,347 --> 00:43:23,147
Beans, potatoes,
carrots and broccoli
1031
00:43:23,309 --> 00:43:28,315
Buns and sa/ad
and potatoes and chicken
1032
00:43:29,649 --> 00:43:30,992
Needs a lickin'
1033
00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:32,322
Dinner song.
1034
00:43:32,485 --> 00:43:34,283
That's so not
the dinner song.
1035
00:43:34,445 --> 00:43:36,038
Well, I'm going
to tell you what.
1036
00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:38,291
You're going to go ahead
and write me a dinner poem,
1037
00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:39,826
and I'll belt that out
after I choke this down.
1038
00:43:39,992 --> 00:43:40,993
Let's fucking go.
1039
00:43:41,244 --> 00:43:44,373
(GASPS) Okay.
Daddy needs a time-out.
1040
00:43:44,789 --> 00:43:46,507
Great idea.
1041
00:43:49,836 --> 00:43:51,884
MITCH: (SINGING)
Dinner song
1042
00:43:52,713 --> 00:43:53,885
Bye-bye.
1043
00:43:56,175 --> 00:43:57,893
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
1044
00:43:58,386 --> 00:44:00,013
(MOBILE RINGING)
1045
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:03,733
Hello. Hi, Mitch. It's Tatiana.
1046
00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:08,738
Tatiana.
Hi, how are you?
1047
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:12,196
I'll be better in a minute
after I fuck you raw.
1048
00:44:12,567 --> 00:44:13,910
Oh.
(DISCONNECTED TONE)
1049
00:44:15,153 --> 00:44:16,245
(PHONE DIALING)
1050
00:44:17,029 --> 00:44:19,202
Hello.
DAVE: Mitch.
1051
00:44:19,574 --> 00:44:22,373
That was Tatiana.
She said she's going to fuck me raw.
1052
00:44:23,161 --> 00:44:25,209
Tatiana? Shit,
that's right.
1053
00:44:25,371 --> 00:44:26,873
That's my Tuesday night
regular, right on schedule.
1054
00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:28,256
You fuck that
right for me, Dave.
1055
00:44:28,416 --> 00:44:29,918
Took me a long time
to reel this one in.
1056
00:44:30,084 --> 00:44:31,256
I don't think
I can do this.
1057
00:44:31,419 --> 00:44:32,762
What the fuck does that...
Hey, Dave!
1058
00:44:32,837 --> 00:44:33,838
Hey, man!
1059
00:44:34,005 --> 00:44:36,258
Dad, I smell a skunk.
1060
00:44:36,424 --> 00:44:37,926
NO, it's this, kid.
1061
00:44:38,593 --> 00:44:40,937
What does that mean, you don't
think you can fuck Tatiana?
1062
00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,096
Because it...
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
1063
00:44:43,014 --> 00:44:45,187
Jesus Christ, she's here.
1064
00:44:45,266 --> 00:44:46,518
She's already
knocking on the door.
1065
00:44:46,726 --> 00:44:48,273
MITCH: You nail that
right for me, Dave.
1066
00:44:48,769 --> 00:44:50,271
It feels kind of like
I'm cheating on Jamie.
1067
00:44:50,438 --> 00:44:52,065
Are you fucking
shitting me?
1068
00:44:52,148 --> 00:44:53,616
In what world
is this cheating?
1069
00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:55,947
Cheating is when
any part of your dick
1070
00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:58,909
gets up inside some woman
that's not your wife, okay?
1071
00:44:59,071 --> 00:45:00,448
And your dick
is firmly planted
1072
00:45:00,615 --> 00:45:03,960
inside these fucking lame,
triple-pleated sports slacks.
1073
00:45:04,118 --> 00:45:06,746
But my mind is over here.
That should count for something, right?
1074
00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:07,960
God, you big bitch.
1075
00:45:08,122 --> 00:45:10,591
How many women have you fucked
in your mind, huh? Thousands?
1076
00:45:11,751 --> 00:45:13,298
Millions, Mitch.
Was that cheating?
1077
00:45:13,461 --> 00:45:15,088
No. It was not
fucking cheating.
1078
00:45:15,254 --> 00:45:18,599
I think you're on very firm
legal ground here, counselor.
1079
00:45:18,758 --> 00:45:20,931
Your reasoning is
oddly impeccable.
1080
00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,891
This is what
you wanted, Dave.
1081
00:45:22,970 --> 00:45:24,142
Sex with strange,
new women.
1082
00:45:24,305 --> 00:45:26,307
You just thank me later and
shut your mouth, all right?
1083
00:45:26,515 --> 00:45:28,517
Goodbye. Kirk out.
1084
00:45:28,601 --> 00:45:29,773
(BANGING AT DOOR)
1085
00:45:30,311 --> 00:45:31,358
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
1086
00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:33,697
I'm going to do this.
1087
00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:38,490
Tatiana.
1088
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:40,158
Game on.
1089
00:45:41,364 --> 00:45:43,833
I like how you made
me work for it tonight.
1090
00:45:43,991 --> 00:45:45,664
What am I? A burglar?
1091
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:47,248
Holy shit.
1092
00:45:47,328 --> 00:45:48,454
(CHUCKLES)
1093
00:45:48,537 --> 00:45:50,210
Holy shit!
1094
00:45:50,665 --> 00:45:52,588
Why the fuck are you
still wearing clothes?
1095
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:53,751
When are you due?
1096
00:45:53,834 --> 00:45:54,835
Any minute now,
1097
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:57,255
so let's get our fuck on before
this becomes a threesome.
1098
00:45:57,421 --> 00:45:58,422
Oh, that's so gross!
1099
00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,182
Whoa, stop for a second.
Stop for a second.
1100
00:46:00,341 --> 00:46:01,513
(GRUNTS) You're so heavy!
1101
00:46:01,676 --> 00:46:04,020
My tits are aching
for you.
1102
00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:06,852
That's probably the Colostrum
coming, and it'll be very painful.
1103
00:46:07,056 --> 00:46:10,105
Okay, okay. Just friends.
Just friends.
1104
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,270
Okay, what's your
deal tonight?
1105
00:46:13,104 --> 00:46:14,196
Nothing. (STAMMERING)
1106
00:46:14,355 --> 00:46:15,777
Is it my new haircut?
1107
00:46:16,357 --> 00:46:17,358
No.
1108
00:46:17,733 --> 00:46:19,201
The trenchcoat.
Too cliché?
1109
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,533
No, it's not
the trenchcoat.
1110
00:46:21,696 --> 00:46:22,868
Then what is it?
1111
00:46:23,030 --> 00:46:24,577
You seem like
a really nice person,
1112
00:46:24,740 --> 00:46:26,708
but were you
pregnant last week?
1113
00:46:26,867 --> 00:46:27,868
Are you kidding me?
1114
00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:30,379
You picked me up at a single
mothers' Lamaze class.
1115
00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:33,882
(GROANS) That's so twisted.
Oh, God.
1116
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:36,544
Wait, wait, Tatiana.
Tatiana. I'm sorry, okay?
1117
00:46:36,711 --> 00:46:38,713
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful. (GRUNTING)
1118
00:46:38,879 --> 00:46:40,051
You're just...
1119
00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:42,262
What? I'm not sexy?
1120
00:46:42,425 --> 00:46:44,894
No, no. Hey. Look,
I did not say that, okay?
1121
00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:48,352
You are... Oh, my God!
I can see it kicking!
1122
00:46:49,557 --> 00:46:50,649
You know what,
Mitch?
1123
00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:52,188
Don't ever call me again.
1124
00:46:52,351 --> 00:46:54,695
No, hold on.
Wait, Tatiana, don't go.
1125
00:46:54,854 --> 00:46:57,733
I mean, go, but just
go to a hospital.
1126
00:46:58,232 --> 00:47:00,860
Oh, Mitch.
What are you doing?
1127
00:47:01,027 --> 00:47:02,529
Oh, God.
1128
00:47:03,112 --> 00:47:05,615
I mean, it is called
a push-up, Dave.
1129
00:47:06,073 --> 00:47:07,416
Pathetic.
1130
00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:12,789
Oh, God, I'm really
feeling it tonight.
1131
00:47:13,956 --> 00:47:15,128
Holy shit.
1132
00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:17,093
Game on.
1133
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:20,512
Oh, my God, it's going down.
Oh, Mitch!
1134
00:47:21,297 --> 00:47:25,302
I finally get to fuck Jamie.
This is my finest hour.
1135
00:47:25,551 --> 00:47:27,679
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1136
00:47:27,762 --> 00:47:29,764
I hope she likes it weird.
1137
00:47:30,264 --> 00:47:33,814
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1138
00:47:59,335 --> 00:48:02,714
God, I am going
to ruin her!
1139
00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:06,384
(FARTING AUDIBLY)
Oh!
1140
00:48:06,675 --> 00:48:09,144
I need to cool it
on the Thai food.
1141
00:48:09,470 --> 00:48:11,598
Oh, my God.
1142
00:48:11,847 --> 00:48:13,941
Seriously, dude,
light a candle.
1143
00:48:14,392 --> 00:48:15,860
Oh, my God.
1144
00:48:15,935 --> 00:48:17,312
(MOANS)
1145
00:48:31,075 --> 00:48:33,624
No, no, no. Don't back
that thing up into me.
1146
00:48:33,786 --> 00:48:34,878
Go hose it out
or something.
1147
00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:36,167
What?
1148
00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:39,918
I can't believe you'd
come at me, guns hot.
1149
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:42,428
Guns hot?
(SIGHS)
1150
00:48:42,503 --> 00:48:43,595
Are you kidding me?
1151
00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,724
No, I'm not, lady.
It's not going to happen tonight, okay?
1152
00:48:46,882 --> 00:48:49,010
I'm not attracted to you.
1153
00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:51,725
Rotate your turret
and go night-night.
1154
00:48:52,012 --> 00:48:53,514
(SCOFFS)
1155
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,368
(BABY CRYING)
1156
00:49:14,493 --> 00:49:15,585
It's your turn.
1157
00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:16,787
Hmm?
1158
00:49:18,330 --> 00:49:20,003
It's your turn to
feed the babies.
1159
00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:22,089
I don't feel like it.
1160
00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:27,389
(GROANS) Come on.
1161
00:49:27,506 --> 00:49:29,634
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
1162
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:33,350
It's 3:00 in the morning.
You go do it, you're the mother.
1163
00:49:33,512 --> 00:49:35,640
I'm the mother!
It's 3:00 in the morning!
1164
00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:38,935
Get the fuck out of the bed right
now before I fucking cut you!
1165
00:49:39,101 --> 00:49:41,854
Jesus! What the fuck?
1166
00:49:43,439 --> 00:49:45,988
Unreal. This is just...
1167
00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:51,831
Oh, please.
1168
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:55,664
Hey, hey!
What the fuck?
1169
00:49:55,951 --> 00:49:57,919
(SARAH WAILING)
1170
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:07,843
(PORNO PLAYING)
1171
00:50:13,552 --> 00:50:15,270
(GRUNTING)
1172
00:50:18,140 --> 00:50:22,065
Oh, God!
That did not just happen.
1173
00:50:22,144 --> 00:50:23,191
What?
1174
00:50:23,270 --> 00:50:25,693
Hey. I always thought
your wife was a nice lady,
1175
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,199
but she talks
like a dock worker
1176
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:29,151
and she shits
like one, too.
1177
00:50:29,318 --> 00:50:31,787
Plus, I used to think your kids
were adorable, but they're not.
1178
00:50:31,946 --> 00:50:33,573
They're fucking bananas.
1179
00:50:33,697 --> 00:50:34,664
Can I help you?
1180
00:50:34,782 --> 00:50:37,501
Here's the deal. I got two screaming...
(DAVE BREATHING HEAVILY)
1181
00:50:38,410 --> 00:50:40,083
Hold on. What's with all
the heavy breathing?
1182
00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:41,247
Are you jerking off?
1183
00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:42,707
(BREATHLESSLY)
No, I'm not.
1184
00:50:42,873 --> 00:50:44,125
Yes, yes, yes, I am.
1185
00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:46,669
Look, I never get this kind
of privacy any more.
1186
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:48,428
Isn't that kind
of my dick, though?
1187
00:50:49,630 --> 00:50:50,631
Is that weird?
1188
00:50:52,007 --> 00:50:54,055
You ask yourself that.
1189
00:50:54,426 --> 00:50:56,394
It sort of hooks
to the side a bit.
1190
00:50:57,012 --> 00:50:59,060
Use your left hand, you get
a little bit more torque.
1191
00:50:59,515 --> 00:51:01,813
That's cool.
Thank you, I think.
1192
00:51:01,976 --> 00:51:03,444
Question.
1193
00:51:03,602 --> 00:51:05,320
How long have you
been shaved down there?
1194
00:51:06,021 --> 00:51:08,023
I don't...
Like, sixth grade.
1195
00:51:08,190 --> 00:51:09,783
Well, that's disturbing.
1196
00:51:09,942 --> 00:51:10,943
Gets me an extra inch,
1197
00:51:11,110 --> 00:51:13,329
and only you married dudes
rock the dick-froes.
1198
00:51:13,487 --> 00:51:14,659
Now, let me ask
you a question.
1199
00:51:14,822 --> 00:51:17,200
If Tatiana was over earlier,
1200
00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:19,377
why do you still have
the need to jerk off?
1201
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:22,584
Tatiana. I don't think that she's
going to be back for at least...
1202
00:51:22,746 --> 00:51:23,998
She's never
coming back, Mitch.
1203
00:51:24,456 --> 00:51:25,503
What did you do?
1204
00:51:25,583 --> 00:51:27,506
The woman is nine
months pregnant!
1205
00:51:27,710 --> 00:51:29,053
I could see
the baby's face.
1206
00:51:29,211 --> 00:51:30,838
I told you not to screw
up my Tuesday night.
1207
00:51:31,005 --> 00:51:32,427
Do you have any idea
how many Lamaze classes
1208
00:51:32,590 --> 00:51:34,217
I had to sit through
to get that lined up?
1209
00:51:34,383 --> 00:51:36,886
Is there a reason that you're
calling me at 3:00 in the morning?
1210
00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:39,896
Yeah, the dock worker is making
me feed the twins. What do I do?
1211
00:51:40,222 --> 00:51:42,270
Get them to the kitchen.
Yup, hold on.
1212
00:51:43,976 --> 00:51:45,853
(BABIES CONTINUE WAILING)
1213
00:51:48,772 --> 00:51:51,651
Stop crying.
Jesus Christ.
1214
00:51:51,817 --> 00:51:54,491
Shut up!
I fucking hear you.
1215
00:51:55,112 --> 00:51:56,614
Mitch.
1216
00:51:57,740 --> 00:52:00,118
Please. Enough!
1217
00:52:00,284 --> 00:52:02,412
You, there. Stay.
1218
00:52:03,454 --> 00:52:04,455
Stay.
1219
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:08,042
All right.
In the kitchen.
1220
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:09,881
Go to the fridge.
Okay.
1221
00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:12,254
Oh.
1222
00:52:12,338 --> 00:52:13,555
Mitch. Are you there yet?
1223
00:52:13,714 --> 00:52:15,136
I'm at the fridge.
1224
00:52:15,299 --> 00:52:16,516
Defrost two bags
of breast milk
1225
00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:17,851
in the microwave
for three minutes.
1226
00:52:18,010 --> 00:52:19,011
And then prepare
two separate bottles.
1227
00:52:19,094 --> 00:52:20,095
Breast milk?
1228
00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:22,063
First, attach
the filter to the seal.
1229
00:52:22,222 --> 00:52:24,350
Use the blue ones,
not the pink ones.
1230
00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:26,314
Defrost two bags.
Yup.
1231
00:52:26,477 --> 00:52:29,356
Pretty intuitive.
Then after the milk is defrosted,
1232
00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:30,773
take it out
of the microwave,
1233
00:52:30,898 --> 00:52:33,367
pour it into the bottles,
sea/ them.
1234
00:52:33,525 --> 00:52:35,277
Then you need to put three-eighths
of a teaspoon of water...
1235
00:52:35,361 --> 00:52:36,829
Holy shit!
1236
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:38,406
(EXCLAIMING)
1237
00:52:38,781 --> 00:52:41,125
Come on, dude. Christ!
1238
00:52:41,283 --> 00:52:43,706
Mitch. Hey,
are you listening to me?
1239
00:52:43,869 --> 00:52:45,416
Holy fuck!
1240
00:52:45,579 --> 00:52:47,206
This is important stuff
Do not screw this up.
1241
00:52:47,373 --> 00:52:48,374
Hey!
1242
00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:50,000
What was that?
1243
00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:53,012
Mitch ? Mitch!
1244
00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:55,548
Everything's fine, dude.
What's next?
1245
00:52:55,714 --> 00:52:57,432
Then you need to
put three-eighths...
1246
00:52:57,591 --> 00:52:58,808
What the fuck?
(ELECTRICITY SPARKING)
1247
00:52:59,551 --> 00:53:02,350
Holy shit! Fuck!
1248
00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:04,640
What just happened?
1249
00:53:04,807 --> 00:53:07,230
Nothing. Nothing, dude.
Go on. Two bottles...
1250
00:53:07,393 --> 00:53:09,816
Then attach a number two nipple.
Jesus Christ.
1251
00:53:09,978 --> 00:53:11,855
Make sure you don't allow
any air bubbles in.
1252
00:53:12,314 --> 00:53:14,157
Then, after you're
done feeding them...
1253
00:53:14,316 --> 00:53:15,818
This is so fucked up.
1254
00:53:17,653 --> 00:53:18,654
Yeah!
1255
00:53:19,655 --> 00:53:20,656
All right.
1256
00:53:22,574 --> 00:53:25,874
This is what you get, okay?
Yeah, right there.
1257
00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:29,006
Mitch.
Okay, dude.
1258
00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:32,293
Tomorrow morning, when I
am sitting in your office,
1259
00:53:32,459 --> 00:53:34,382
you need to be downtown,
1260
00:53:34,461 --> 00:53:36,964
finding that
fucking fountain.
1261
00:53:37,131 --> 00:53:39,304
I do not know how
much more of this shit...
1262
00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:41,268
(BABIES LAUGHING)
...I can take.
1263
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:44,855
I'm one of the guys
looking for the fountain
1264
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:46,102
that you lost
in the computer.
1265
00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:49,144
I'd be very, very appreciative if
you could tell me where that is.
1266
00:53:49,351 --> 00:53:50,773
Yeah, I can do that.
1267
00:53:50,853 --> 00:53:51,854
Good. Great.
1268
00:53:51,937 --> 00:53:54,065
First, you got to fill out a
formal information request.
1269
00:53:54,690 --> 00:53:56,363
Okay, I'm going to
fill that out right now.
1270
00:53:56,525 --> 00:53:57,572
Then it needs
to go to State.
1271
00:53:57,693 --> 00:54:00,162
State?
Yeah, to get approved.
1272
00:54:01,029 --> 00:54:02,622
Why can't you
approve it, Victor?
1273
00:54:02,781 --> 00:54:04,579
I don't have
that authority.
1274
00:54:05,284 --> 00:54:07,707
How long is it going to take
State to approve it, then?
1275
00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:09,834
Three days...
Oh, God!
1276
00:54:09,997 --> 00:54:12,091
...To three weeks.
Oh, come on!
1277
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:13,922
Victor!
1278
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:20,223
Mitch? Dave?
1279
00:54:20,507 --> 00:54:21,633
Hello?
1280
00:54:23,510 --> 00:54:24,602
Fuck!
1281
00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:28,932
Real bad news...
1282
00:54:29,099 --> 00:54:30,897
Oh, hey. Where's...
1283
00:54:31,393 --> 00:54:33,020
Where's Dave?
1284
00:54:34,730 --> 00:54:36,198
Dave's in the shower.
1285
00:54:38,025 --> 00:54:39,026
Are you okay?
1286
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,321
Hey.
1287
00:54:44,448 --> 00:54:45,745
What's going on?
1288
00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:49,540
Dave's just acting
really weird.
1289
00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:51,417
How?
1290
00:54:51,497 --> 00:54:55,001
He's just doing
weird stuff,
1291
00:54:55,626 --> 00:54:59,631
like he wore his shower
sandals to work yesterday.
1292
00:55:00,881 --> 00:55:03,430
He forgot to pick up
the twins from daycare.
1293
00:55:03,884 --> 00:55:05,852
No, he didn't.
Yeah, he did.
1294
00:55:06,178 --> 00:55:09,557
They had to sit there
for an hour and a half.
1295
00:55:09,723 --> 00:55:10,940
Okay.
1296
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:13,477
(CRYING) And then
last night he told me
1297
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:16,188
that he wasn't
attracted to me any more.
1298
00:55:16,688 --> 00:55:18,565
I am going to kill him.
1299
00:55:19,608 --> 00:55:21,610
I just want you to tell me
something right now, okay?
1300
00:55:21,777 --> 00:55:24,155
And you have to be
totally honest with me.
1301
00:55:24,238 --> 00:55:25,205
Sure.
You swear?
1302
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:26,281
Yeah.
1303
00:55:26,490 --> 00:55:28,367
Is he having an affair?
1304
00:55:30,077 --> 00:55:31,124
No.
1305
00:55:31,286 --> 00:55:33,584
Why did you
hesitate just then?
1306
00:55:33,914 --> 00:55:35,086
I didn't hesitate.
1307
00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:37,259
He's not having an affair.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1308
00:55:37,626 --> 00:55:39,549
Jamie, Jamie...
1309
00:55:39,711 --> 00:55:41,930
You guys are
just going through
1310
00:55:42,005 --> 00:55:45,100
a temporary rough
patch right now.
1311
00:55:45,259 --> 00:55:47,933
Temporary rough patch?
What are you talking about?
1312
00:55:48,095 --> 00:55:50,268
We've been in this
for years.
1313
00:55:52,057 --> 00:55:53,104
You have?
1314
00:55:53,225 --> 00:55:56,229
I love him. You know I love
him with all of my heart.
1315
00:55:57,020 --> 00:55:58,112
But he's...
1316
00:55:58,272 --> 00:56:00,445
You know his family,
growing up...
1317
00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:04,202
He had nothing, and so he was
always looking over the fence
1318
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:06,079
because he wanted
a better life.
1319
00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:10,960
And that's why he worked
four jobs at once,
1320
00:56:11,118 --> 00:56:13,496
so that he could put
himself through school.
1321
00:56:13,662 --> 00:56:15,255
And he's amazing.
1322
00:56:15,414 --> 00:56:18,258
I mean,
nobody can do that.
1323
00:56:20,335 --> 00:56:22,337
But the problem is,
1324
00:56:22,504 --> 00:56:26,759
now that he has everything,
he can't turn it off.
1325
00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:29,519
And he still wants
more and more
1326
00:56:29,678 --> 00:56:33,478
and a second house, and
more kids, and a nicer car
1327
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:37,986
and anything that he thinks
is going to make him happy.
1328
00:56:38,145 --> 00:56:40,318
And so he just
keeps working
1329
00:56:40,439 --> 00:56:42,658
and he's not paying
any attention to me.
1330
00:56:42,816 --> 00:56:45,035
And I'm miserable.
Oh, God.
1331
00:56:45,193 --> 00:56:49,198
Because... I have huge feet.
(SOBBING)
1332
00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:50,957
They're size 11.
1333
00:56:51,533 --> 00:56:55,379
My foot has grown a half
a size with each baby.
1334
00:56:55,537 --> 00:57:00,338
I have to go to this weird
online shoe store to get shoes.
1335
00:57:01,126 --> 00:57:03,595
And I just want him
to pay attention to me.
1336
00:57:03,754 --> 00:57:05,631
And I want him
to grab me
1337
00:57:05,714 --> 00:57:08,638
and kiss me
like he used to.
1338
00:57:10,510 --> 00:57:12,763
And it's like
you always say,
1339
00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:15,399
Dave is a little
bit of a pussy.
1340
00:57:17,142 --> 00:57:19,019
I always say that?
1341
00:57:19,478 --> 00:57:20,604
Yeah.
1342
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:23,194
I always say that
because it's true.
1343
00:57:23,357 --> 00:57:26,952
Dave is a little
bit of a pussy.
1344
00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:28,953
I hope that when
he makes partner,
1345
00:57:29,112 --> 00:57:32,742
he can just finally
stop and see...
1346
00:57:32,908 --> 00:57:35,411
And be happy,
you know?
1347
00:57:35,577 --> 00:57:38,171
Because how can you
stay married to somebody
1348
00:57:38,330 --> 00:57:40,879
who is incapable
of being happy?
1349
00:57:43,877 --> 00:57:45,470
What are you saying?
1350
00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:50,601
(EXCLAIMS) Holy fuck-knuckles,
I've got freckles on my taint.
1351
00:57:50,759 --> 00:57:52,136
How awesome is that?
1352
00:57:52,302 --> 00:57:54,896
Hey, fag,
what are you doing here?
1353
00:57:55,055 --> 00:57:56,648
Three days to three weeks?
1354
00:57:56,807 --> 00:57:58,605
You left the kids
at daycare?
1355
00:57:58,684 --> 00:57:59,936
Come, on, Mitch!
Those are my kids.
1356
00:58:00,102 --> 00:58:01,194
I can't do
this shit any more.
1357
00:58:01,353 --> 00:58:03,071
No, no, no.
You are going do this shit.
1358
00:58:03,230 --> 00:58:04,277
You don't get
off that easy.
1359
00:58:04,356 --> 00:58:05,778
My marriage is falling apart,
my job is on the line.
1360
00:58:05,857 --> 00:58:08,155
You are going to be the best
possible me you can be right now.
1361
00:58:08,318 --> 00:58:10,241
Dave, you don't understand.
I cannot do this.
1362
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:11,867
Not even for another hour.
You're gonna do it.
1363
00:58:11,947 --> 00:58:13,790
I don't care! You're going to
stay here and do this right!
1364
00:58:13,865 --> 00:58:17,039
Get out of my fucking way, or I'll
drown you in your own goddamn tub!
1365
00:58:17,411 --> 00:58:18,628
Easy, motherfucker!
1366
00:58:18,704 --> 00:58:19,671
If you leave now...
Get your hands off me.
1367
00:58:19,746 --> 00:58:20,747
...This friendship is over!
1368
00:58:20,872 --> 00:58:21,964
Fuck you.
Don't pull that shit on me.
1369
00:58:22,082 --> 00:58:24,050
I got to get the fuck out of here.
I'm serious, Mitch. Shut up!
1370
00:58:24,126 --> 00:58:27,221
Jamie and the kids
mean everything to me.
1371
00:58:28,463 --> 00:58:29,555
There's no walking
out on this.
1372
00:58:29,631 --> 00:58:32,054
For once in your life, you got
to see something through.
1373
00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:33,218
What the fuck
does that mean?
1374
00:58:33,385 --> 00:58:35,262
I'm going to be honest
with you, Mitch,
1375
00:58:35,429 --> 00:58:37,352
because there's
a lot on the line here.
1376
00:58:38,306 --> 00:58:39,307
You are a quitter.
1377
00:58:39,975 --> 00:58:42,273
But quitting is not an
option on this one, okay?
1378
00:58:42,436 --> 00:58:43,653
You focus,
you find it.
1379
00:58:43,812 --> 00:58:47,533
I don't care where, but you find
it inside of yourself, okay?
1380
00:58:47,691 --> 00:58:49,489
I know it's there.
1381
00:58:50,027 --> 00:58:51,449
It's not like
I'm not trying.
1382
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:54,114
I just don't know how to
do all your grown-up crap.
1383
00:58:55,741 --> 00:58:57,118
You're going to learn.
1384
00:58:57,701 --> 00:59:00,796
This is called a suit.
You wear one every day.
1385
00:59:00,954 --> 00:59:05,425
Along with a necktie.
Black, not white, socks.
1386
00:59:05,584 --> 00:59:08,258
Dress shoes, not shower sandals.
Please. These are awful.
1387
00:59:08,420 --> 00:59:10,764
And, of course, underwear.
Oh, come on.
1388
00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:12,469
(EXCLAIMS) No more
commando, Mitch,
1389
00:59:12,549 --> 00:59:13,641
you're a grown-ass man.
Put them on.
1390
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:15,052
This is called
a schedule.
1391
00:59:15,177 --> 00:59:16,394
It tells you everything
you need to do each day.
1392
00:59:16,470 --> 00:59:17,767
Pick-u ps, drop-offs,
activities,
1393
00:59:17,888 --> 00:59:19,185
play-dates,
doctor's appointments, etc.
1394
00:59:19,347 --> 00:59:22,226
You'll notice that there are approximately
50 hours' worth of obligations
1395
00:59:22,392 --> 00:59:24,440
on any given day.
Make it work.
1396
00:59:24,853 --> 00:59:26,526
This is called
a grocery store.
1397
00:59:26,688 --> 00:59:29,567
People buy food here.
It's part of your responsibilities.
1398
00:59:29,816 --> 00:59:30,817
Before heading
to the market,
1399
00:59:30,901 --> 00:59:32,528
always call Jamie and ask her
if she needs anything first.
1400
00:59:32,611 --> 00:59:33,828
In fact, before making
any decision
1401
00:59:33,987 --> 00:59:35,239
in your life,
no matter how small,
1402
00:59:35,405 --> 00:59:37,078
call your wife first.
1403
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,288
Think of yourself as
a brain-damaged mule,
1404
00:59:39,451 --> 00:59:41,419
lost in the desert,
helpless, dumb
1405
00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:42,587
and in constant
need of direction.
1406
00:59:42,746 --> 00:59:45,090
Never take the initiative,
never strike out on your own,
1407
00:59:45,248 --> 00:59:47,250
and never deviate
from the plan. Why?
1408
00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:49,169
Because you are
a brain-damaged mule
1409
00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:51,509
and you are lost
in the damn desert!
1410
00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:54,011
These are called children,
or dependants.
1411
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:55,596
Never disparage
your own child.
1412
00:59:55,675 --> 00:59:56,972
Everything they do
is a miracle from God.
1413
00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:58,557
When they're bad,
it's only because
1414
00:59:58,637 --> 01:00:00,139
they're tired or
going through a phase.
1415
01:00:00,305 --> 01:00:02,558
When other kids are bad, it's
because of indulgent parenting
1416
01:00:02,974 --> 01:00:04,942
or innate defects in
the child's character.
1417
01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:07,608
Be 15 minutes
early for everything.
1418
01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:09,944
It doesn't matter what it is.
A meeting, an event.
1419
01:00:10,107 --> 01:00:11,825
Less stress for me,
less stress for you...
1420
01:00:11,983 --> 01:00:13,985
Hey! You're married
now, jackass.
1421
01:00:14,069 --> 01:00:15,161
You can't look
at other women.
1422
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:16,617
You can't talk
to other women.
1423
01:00:16,696 --> 01:00:18,073
You can't even be interesting
around other women.
1424
01:00:18,073 --> 01:00:20,201
(SHUSHING) Do everything in your
power to desexualize yourself.
1425
01:00:20,367 --> 01:00:22,415
Wear a fanny pack,
drive a Prius,
1426
01:00:22,577 --> 01:00:24,921
attach electronic devices to
your belt, whatever it takes.
1427
01:00:24,996 --> 01:00:26,293
And if you find yourself
forced to talk to a woman,
1428
01:00:26,373 --> 01:00:28,091
quickly find a way to mention
the fact that you're married.
1429
01:00:28,166 --> 01:00:29,167
It doesn't even
have to make sense.
1430
01:00:29,334 --> 01:00:32,304
Hi, how are you? Nice weather today.
He's totally fucking married.
1431
01:00:34,256 --> 01:00:36,133
So I can't sleep with my wife, I
can't sleep with other women?
1432
01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:37,217
What the hell is that?
1433
01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:38,684
Marriage.
1434
01:00:42,180 --> 01:00:43,932
I think that's everything.
1435
01:00:44,099 --> 01:00:45,271
You got any
more questions?
1436
01:00:45,433 --> 01:00:46,685
Do you ever
have any free time?
1437
01:00:46,852 --> 01:00:48,354
Have you listened to
a single word I've said?
1438
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:49,863
There is no free time.
1439
01:00:50,021 --> 01:00:51,898
And at the end of the day,
do you know what you get?
1440
01:00:52,065 --> 01:00:54,784
A fucking gun with a bullet
to blow my head off with?
1441
01:00:54,943 --> 01:00:55,990
Sometimes you wish.
1442
01:00:56,069 --> 01:00:57,070
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
1443
01:00:57,946 --> 01:00:58,947
Hi.
1444
01:01:00,073 --> 01:01:01,620
SABRINA: Did you hear
the good news?
1445
01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:04,787
Kinkabe and Amalgamated agreed to go
into binding mediation in two days.
1446
01:01:04,953 --> 01:01:07,331
Hold up. What do you mean?
Two days?
1447
01:01:09,708 --> 01:01:12,131
So, I'll have my briefs
on your desk by lunch.
1448
01:01:12,294 --> 01:01:13,921
That puts my balls on
your chin by dinner.
1449
01:01:14,713 --> 01:01:19,719
That, right there, is Schedule
IV sexual harassment.
1450
01:01:19,885 --> 01:01:20,932
Awesome!
1451
01:01:21,094 --> 01:01:22,141
I'm sorry, have we met?
1452
01:01:23,221 --> 01:01:26,100
No, we haven't.
I'm Mitch Planko.
1453
01:01:26,266 --> 01:01:27,392
Hi, Sabrina McKay.
1454
01:01:27,559 --> 01:01:28,606
Hey, Sabrina.
1455
01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,021
Hold on.
1456
01:01:31,479 --> 01:01:32,901
You two guys should go out.
What?
1457
01:01:33,064 --> 01:01:35,192
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man!
1458
01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:37,076
DAVE: Please stop.
MITCH: You two guys need to go out.
1459
01:01:37,235 --> 01:01:39,203
Absolutely,
you two should go out.
1460
01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:41,535
You're so single,
Mitch, right?
1461
01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:45,373
And you're so fucking white-hot, right?
This body.
1462
01:01:45,535 --> 01:01:47,162
Did you do a lot of
swimming in college?
1463
01:01:47,329 --> 01:01:49,172
Don't answer that.
You bet she did.
1464
01:01:49,331 --> 01:01:50,753
Oh, my God,
you guys need to go out,
1465
01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:52,418
have a nice steak dinner,
do some dancing,
1466
01:01:52,584 --> 01:01:55,633
go to a Korean nightclub,
get a belly full of pills.
1467
01:01:55,795 --> 01:01:57,638
I don't know what you're into,
but just have some fun.
1468
01:01:57,797 --> 01:02:01,427
What about Ecco on 7th
Street, Saturday at 8:3O?
1469
01:02:02,302 --> 01:02:03,349
Great? Great!
1470
01:02:03,511 --> 01:02:05,354
He's totally free, so he's
going to meet you there.
1471
01:02:05,513 --> 01:02:06,730
Don't fuck on
the roof, though.
1472
01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:09,268
That place has got
this non-resin tar
1473
01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:10,944
that's a bastard
to wash off.
1474
01:02:11,102 --> 01:02:13,275
So, just oral.
1475
01:02:13,605 --> 01:02:14,857
Yes, you're thinking
about it.
1476
01:02:15,023 --> 01:02:16,115
She's in.
1477
01:02:16,274 --> 01:02:17,696
This is good.
1478
01:02:17,859 --> 01:02:20,282
You're going to get me fired!
I swear to God.
1479
01:02:20,445 --> 01:02:22,823
Shut it down.
For one second, you listen to me.
1480
01:02:22,989 --> 01:02:24,411
For the first
time in your life,
1481
01:02:24,491 --> 01:02:26,493
you're fucking
good-looking, okay?
1482
01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:29,379
You're single, you got the right
number of fucking balls in that bag,
1483
01:02:29,537 --> 01:02:32,040
and you got the opportunity to nail
number one on your cancer list.
1484
01:02:32,207 --> 01:02:33,424
I can't do that.
I'm not doing it.
1485
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:36,803
You need this!
This is fucking dinner with her!
1486
01:02:37,420 --> 01:02:39,263
This is so good.
1487
01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:41,682
I mean, what's going
on between us,
1488
01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:44,310
it's just crazy, crazy.
1489
01:02:44,469 --> 01:02:46,892
Here's what's crazier, not using it.
(EXHALES)
1490
01:02:47,055 --> 01:02:49,183
Not using it on her.
1491
01:02:49,641 --> 01:02:51,518
You use it for her,
you use it for you,
1492
01:02:51,685 --> 01:02:53,653
and maybe a little
bit for me, you know?
1493
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,112
Remind yourself of that.
Remind yourself
1494
01:02:55,188 --> 01:02:57,987
of the big, fucking crater you created
right there on Tuesday night.
1495
01:02:58,108 --> 01:02:59,530
Oh, the Tuesday night, again.
I could use that.
1496
01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:01,119
She'd fit perfectly in there.
Will you please drop that?
1497
01:03:01,236 --> 01:03:03,659
Every day with the Tuesday night!
Well, it's a big goddamn deal!
1498
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:05,740
You fucked me! You owe me!
Respect my life!
1499
01:03:05,824 --> 01:03:07,041
Respect mine.
1500
01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:08,747
Yeah, you respect
your life.
1501
01:03:09,619 --> 01:03:11,166
Fine!
I am proud of you.
1502
01:03:11,329 --> 01:03:13,423
Just promise me, you listened
to every word I said.
1503
01:03:13,581 --> 01:03:15,128
I heard everything.
Every single syllable, you got it?
1504
01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:16,589
Did you hear
everything I said?
1505
01:03:16,751 --> 01:03:19,379
Caught a few things.
Yeah, just enough.
1506
01:03:19,713 --> 01:03:21,681
You betcha. You go have
a good time, little girl.
1507
01:03:21,756 --> 01:03:25,101
I got your life all put
away here, nice and safe.
1508
01:03:25,260 --> 01:03:26,307
(PHONE RINGING)
Answer my phone.
1509
01:03:26,970 --> 01:03:27,971
Hello.
1510
01:03:28,138 --> 01:03:29,310
Hi, Mitch Planko.
1511
01:03:29,472 --> 01:03:31,019
Bingo! Who the fuck is this?
1512
01:03:31,182 --> 01:03:32,229
What?
1513
01:03:32,976 --> 01:03:34,228
Dad?
Hello?
1514
01:03:34,728 --> 01:03:36,071
(STAMMERING)
1515
01:03:36,229 --> 01:03:38,857
Is this Mitch's dad?
Is this Mitch, Sr?
1516
01:03:38,940 --> 01:03:42,820
Dave? Hi, this is Dave Lockwood.
1517
01:03:42,986 --> 01:03:44,329
Why are you calling me?
1518
01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:47,536
I just wondered if we can get
together for a little while today.
1519
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:53,504
Boy, it's a work day.
Half an hour.
1520
01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:57,384
I look different.
I don't like my outfit today.
1521
01:03:57,542 --> 01:03:59,010
Dave, half an hour.
1522
01:03:59,544 --> 01:04:01,387
Mitch, Sr. wants to sit down
with Dave Lockwood.
1523
01:04:01,546 --> 01:04:03,048
Yeah.
Why?
1524
01:04:03,965 --> 01:04:06,138
I need to talk to
you about Mitch.
1525
01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:08,562
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1526
01:04:10,347 --> 01:04:11,599
Hello.
1527
01:04:12,015 --> 01:04:13,392
Dave. How are you?
1528
01:04:13,558 --> 01:04:14,525
Good, thank you.
1529
01:04:14,601 --> 01:04:17,445
What are we doing here? When was the
last time the two of us saw each other?
1530
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,614
I don't care. Listen.
1531
01:04:19,773 --> 01:04:22,822
I'm getting married to a very
beautiful woman named Pamela.
1532
01:04:23,109 --> 01:04:24,326
Her name's Pamela?
Yes.
1533
01:04:24,486 --> 01:04:26,784
Wow, you can say "I do"
in English this time.
1534
01:04:26,946 --> 01:04:29,244
What?
Is Pamela from America?
1535
01:04:29,324 --> 01:04:30,450
Yes.
1536
01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:31,705
Anyway...
1537
01:04:32,410 --> 01:04:34,037
I'm not going to
have anybody there.
1538
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:36,589
The only family
I have is Mitch.
1539
01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:39,125
I went to his apartment
a couple of days ago
1540
01:04:39,292 --> 01:04:41,966
and told him that
Pamela would like him
1541
01:04:42,045 --> 01:04:43,342
to say a few words
at the wedding
1542
01:04:43,505 --> 01:04:44,597
and that wasn't true.
1543
01:04:44,756 --> 01:04:46,929
Truth of the matter is, I would
like him to say a few words,
1544
01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:49,515
if he could find it
in his heart to do so.
1545
01:04:52,222 --> 01:04:53,565
I don't know why you
don't tell him yourself.
1546
01:04:53,723 --> 01:04:55,817
That is a very nice
thing for a son to hear.
1547
01:04:57,685 --> 01:04:59,187
So, you want me
to go tell Mitch
1548
01:04:59,270 --> 01:05:00,647
that you would like
him at the wedding.
1549
01:05:00,814 --> 01:05:02,407
He's going to say,
"Why the hell does
1550
01:05:02,482 --> 01:05:04,109
"he want me there?
He thinks I'm an idiot."
1551
01:05:04,484 --> 01:05:06,907
Well, that's not
totally true.
1552
01:05:07,070 --> 01:05:09,698
I think he's got
some nice qualities.
1553
01:05:09,864 --> 01:05:12,458
I think he's got
some problem areas, too.
1554
01:05:12,617 --> 01:05:13,584
What are those?
1555
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:15,378
You're his friend, you
know him as well as I do.
1556
01:05:15,537 --> 01:05:17,414
You probably know him better than I do.
He's a quitter!
1557
01:05:17,580 --> 01:05:19,457
He has never finished
anything in his life.
1558
01:05:19,624 --> 01:05:21,422
He picks up something,
he puts it down.
1559
01:05:21,584 --> 01:05:23,928
He's good at it for five
minutes, and it's gone.
1560
01:05:24,087 --> 01:05:26,761
He's flaccid. No gumption.
No get-up-and-go.
1561
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:29,927
His accomplishments could rest
comfortably on an eyelash.
1562
01:05:30,093 --> 01:05:32,016
Oh, he'd probably say, "Fuck you
," if he heard you say that.
1563
01:05:32,178 --> 01:05:33,976
Well, maybe he would
and maybe he wouldn't.
1564
01:05:34,139 --> 01:05:35,982
But I want him to
be part of my life.
1565
01:05:36,141 --> 01:05:39,520
With all due respect, Mr.
Planko, you don't know Mitch.
1566
01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:42,860
What you don't
realize about him
1567
01:05:42,939 --> 01:05:44,657
is that he's
a fucking Jedi!
1568
01:05:45,108 --> 01:05:47,406
A what?
He's a Jedi Knight, sir.
1569
01:05:47,694 --> 01:05:51,289
And next time you see him, he's
going to be slitting throats.
1570
01:05:55,368 --> 01:05:56,995
(CAR ALARM BEEPS)
1571
01:06:01,249 --> 01:06:02,250
Fuck!
1572
01:06:12,469 --> 01:06:15,097
I'm not a fucking quitter!
1573
01:06:17,390 --> 01:06:18,812
(ENGINE REVS)
1574
01:06:18,892 --> 01:06:20,519
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1575
01:06:23,188 --> 01:06:24,565
(BABY CRYING)
1576
01:06:26,191 --> 01:06:27,693
All right, let's do this.
1577
01:06:29,486 --> 01:06:30,658
Good morning,
Patty-cakes.
1578
01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:32,572
Daddy needs a box set
of Law & Order,
1579
01:06:32,739 --> 01:06:34,616
three meatball subs
and a hand-folded,
1580
01:06:34,699 --> 01:06:36,497
24-inch samurai sword,
chop-chop.
1581
01:06:38,369 --> 01:06:39,370
What are you doing?
1582
01:06:39,537 --> 01:06:41,835
I got this one.
I got it.
1583
01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:43,090
Back to bed.
1584
01:06:45,919 --> 01:06:48,013
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1585
01:06:48,171 --> 01:06:49,923
(SQUEALING)
1586
01:07:00,099 --> 01:07:02,397
MAN: You are in dire
financial need!
1587
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:03,652
Objection!
1588
01:07:03,895 --> 01:07:05,067
(EXCLAIMING)
1589
01:07:05,146 --> 01:07:06,147
Sustained.
1590
01:07:06,231 --> 01:07:07,483
(YELLING)
1591
01:07:13,321 --> 01:07:14,322
(BOTH cRYING)
1592
01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:15,532
(SCREAMS)
1593
01:07:24,624 --> 01:07:26,171
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1594
01:07:30,547 --> 01:07:31,799
Excuse me.
1595
01:07:40,056 --> 01:07:41,057
Hi.
1596
01:07:50,900 --> 01:07:52,902
Fuck me, she's cute.
1597
01:07:56,406 --> 01:07:57,703
Here comes
the battement.
1598
01:08:03,705 --> 01:08:04,957
(ALL GASPING)
1599
01:08:05,123 --> 01:08:07,251
Fucking nice, Cara!
1600
01:08:07,584 --> 01:08:08,585
Sweet!
1601
01:08:09,002 --> 01:08:10,003
(WHOOPING)
1602
01:08:10,128 --> 01:08:12,677
That bitch bounced.
Beautiful!
1603
01:08:12,839 --> 01:08:15,968
Man alive!
That's my daughter, bitches!
1604
01:08:16,384 --> 01:08:18,261
Dad's very proud.
Keep going.
1605
01:08:23,349 --> 01:08:25,443
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
1606
01:08:28,021 --> 01:08:30,399
MITCH: Oh, I mean, what
did we learn from this?
1607
01:08:30,815 --> 01:08:32,658
Always solve my problems
with violence.
1608
01:08:32,817 --> 01:08:35,411
That's bingo, baby!
Five, up high.
1609
01:08:35,778 --> 01:08:36,779
No!
Yes!
1610
01:08:36,946 --> 01:08:38,539
No, that is not the lesson
that we learned, Cara.
1611
01:08:38,698 --> 01:08:39,745
It is!
1612
01:08:39,907 --> 01:08:41,580
Violence is cool.
1613
01:08:41,743 --> 01:08:43,541
Dave.
Kidding.
1614
01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:45,504
I'm not kidding.
1615
01:08:50,793 --> 01:08:52,921
She did make a pretty
funny sound, though,
1616
01:08:53,046 --> 01:08:55,094
when she hit the ground like that.
Yes, she did!
1617
01:08:56,382 --> 01:08:58,134
But don't make a habit
out of that, okay?
1618
01:08:58,301 --> 01:09:00,269
I know.
All right.
1619
01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:05,729
I love you, Daddy.
1620
01:09:09,771 --> 01:09:11,773
I love you, little girl.
1621
01:09:19,197 --> 01:09:20,323
MITCH: Hey.
1622
01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:23,747
That ass looks real hot,
you know.
1623
01:09:23,951 --> 01:09:25,077
You like my ass?
1624
01:09:25,286 --> 01:09:27,414
Yeah. Tight as a drum.
1625
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:30,758
Wouldn't mind putting
my drumstick in it.
1626
01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:35,756
Ooh! Really? Ha.
Keep going. (CHUCKLES)
1627
01:09:35,838 --> 01:09:37,511
I like how big and fat
those tits have gotten.
1628
01:09:38,633 --> 01:09:42,012
This little calf wants to
get her mouth on the udders.
1629
01:09:42,261 --> 01:09:47,609
And I think that I want you to fuck
me like you just got out of jail.
1630
01:09:47,975 --> 01:09:48,976
Roger that.
1631
01:09:49,227 --> 01:09:51,855
And you don't even have to go down
on me because I know it's late.
1632
01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:54,278
Appreciate it.
All right, turn around.
1633
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:56,075
Oh! What are you doing?
Here we go.
1634
01:09:56,234 --> 01:09:58,362
What do you mean? I thought you
said you wanted to have some sex.
1635
01:09:58,444 --> 01:10:02,119
Yeah, but not like two dudes
at a rest stop, okay?
1636
01:10:02,740 --> 01:10:06,790
Okay, I got it.
Want to go grab me three Q-tips?
1637
01:10:06,953 --> 01:10:10,002
How about we just do
what we always do?
1638
01:10:12,625 --> 01:10:16,050
What, do you mean with a lot of
eye-Contact and real personal?
1639
01:10:16,170 --> 01:10:17,296
Uh-huh. Come here.
I love you.
1640
01:10:17,380 --> 01:10:18,848
Yeah. Oh, don't say that.
1641
01:10:18,923 --> 01:10:20,266
Let's not...
How about no talking, okay?
1642
01:10:20,341 --> 01:10:22,469
We can do some silent sex.
Seriously.
1643
01:10:22,969 --> 01:10:24,471
Kiss me.
No, no, no. No talking.
1644
01:10:24,595 --> 01:10:27,348
All right, let me kiss a shoulder first.
Okay? Okay.
1645
01:10:27,598 --> 01:10:29,646
There you go.
Where's that hand going?
1646
01:10:29,726 --> 01:10:31,603
Hello!
Did you shave your balls?
1647
01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:37,071
Who doesn't love a couple
of smooth criminals?
1648
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:39,494
Is that why there was all
that pubic hair in the drain?
1649
01:10:40,361 --> 01:10:43,365
I would bet, yeah.
Why are you still soft?
1650
01:10:43,448 --> 01:10:46,998
I don't know. Can we try the no-talking
for just, like, three minutes?
1651
01:10:47,076 --> 01:10:48,202
That's all
it's gonna take, okay?
1652
01:10:48,286 --> 01:10:50,584
Let's do it like we did it
on our wedding night.
1653
01:10:50,663 --> 01:10:53,712
No, no, no. Jamie, what are you talking
about, our fucking wedding night?
1654
01:10:53,791 --> 01:10:55,964
God! I can't do this!
Why not?
1655
01:10:56,043 --> 01:10:57,920
I cannot believe
I can't do this!
1656
01:10:58,004 --> 01:11:00,348
What the hell is happening?
God damn it!
1657
01:11:02,300 --> 01:11:03,347
What?
1658
01:11:08,097 --> 01:11:09,223
You don't want
to have sex with me?
1659
01:11:09,307 --> 01:11:10,524
Yeah, I want
to have sex with you.
1660
01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:12,773
I've wanted to have sex with
you since the sixth grade!
1661
01:11:12,852 --> 01:11:14,775
I mean, you should be
a mess by now,
1662
01:11:14,854 --> 01:11:16,481
but things are not...
Well, let's do it!
1663
01:11:17,565 --> 01:11:18,817
(SIGHS) This is new.
1664
01:11:20,902 --> 01:11:21,903
Sorry, Jamie.
1665
01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:24,990
I think
I'm in over my head.
1666
01:11:25,072 --> 01:11:27,416
I think I'm way in over my head.
I got this fucking house,
1667
01:11:27,492 --> 01:11:29,711
and a job, and a family.
1668
01:11:29,786 --> 01:11:32,630
I've got you, I've got the Kids, and
I've got a fucking carpool. And rules!
1669
01:11:32,705 --> 01:11:35,879
I've got these fucking rules, half
of which I don't even understand.
1670
01:11:35,958 --> 01:11:39,553
This is impossible.
I don't know how to be this man.
1671
01:11:40,379 --> 01:11:41,551
I'm sorry.
1672
01:11:45,885 --> 01:11:47,478
Sorry.
That's okay.
1673
01:11:48,137 --> 01:11:49,389
That's okay.
1674
01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:52,600
Come here.
1675
01:12:00,566 --> 01:12:02,944
Yeah, it's fantastic in here.
1676
01:12:03,820 --> 01:12:06,494
It's very warm.
I think I remember this.
1677
01:12:08,282 --> 01:12:09,283
Mmm-hmm.
1678
01:12:09,367 --> 01:12:10,994
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
1679
01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:16,753
Dave Lockwood.
1680
01:12:17,917 --> 01:12:20,170
Mitch!
Where the hell are you?
1681
01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:22,927
It's been two days.
I gotta know what's going on with Jamie.
1682
01:12:23,005 --> 01:12:24,222
Call me back.
1683
01:12:25,633 --> 01:12:27,055
What the hell is he doing?
1684
01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:31,480
(WOMAN TALKING ON PA)
1685
01:12:32,807 --> 01:12:34,935
Mitch. Hi.
1686
01:12:36,018 --> 01:12:37,440
Jamie. What are you doing here?
1687
01:12:38,020 --> 01:12:40,569
I come here every Saturday after yoga.
What are you doing here?
1688
01:12:41,065 --> 01:12:45,195
I am plowing the crap out of
this chick around the corner,
1689
01:12:45,278 --> 01:12:47,246
and now we're gonna have dinner.
We're gonna make some scallops,
1690
01:12:47,321 --> 01:12:50,291
and then it's going to get ugly.
This chick is a mess.
1691
01:12:50,533 --> 01:12:52,535
Why do you have to talk like that?
You have such a sweet side.
1692
01:12:52,618 --> 01:12:54,712
You should let people
into your sweet side.
1693
01:12:55,121 --> 01:12:57,965
Yeah. Listen, I wanted
to ask you something.
1694
01:12:58,249 --> 01:13:01,128
The other night, you were
in a pretty dark place.
1695
01:13:01,210 --> 01:13:02,211
Oh, yeah. I know.
1696
01:13:02,295 --> 01:13:03,342
How's that going with Dave?
1697
01:13:03,421 --> 01:13:04,638
Is he treating you
a little bit better?
1698
01:13:04,714 --> 01:13:06,466
Yeah.
He's been very sweet.
1699
01:13:07,008 --> 01:13:10,137
Really open and communicative...
Good.
1700
01:13:10,219 --> 01:13:12,347
He held my hand all night
while we slept last night.
1701
01:13:12,430 --> 01:13:13,556
Attaboy!
1702
01:13:13,973 --> 01:13:15,771
Did you tell Dave
to shave his balls?
1703
01:13:17,226 --> 01:13:18,273
Uh...
1704
01:13:18,769 --> 01:13:20,692
Don't act like you didn't tell him.
I know it came from you.
1705
01:13:20,771 --> 01:13:23,069
Don't be a bad
influence on him.
1706
01:13:23,149 --> 01:13:24,822
I though you two
might like that.
1707
01:13:25,067 --> 01:13:28,321
No, I don't like that.
It needs some coverage.
1708
01:13:28,529 --> 01:13:30,327
Yeah, I'll tell him
to grow it out.
1709
01:13:31,032 --> 01:13:32,750
It was really great seeing you.
You okay?
1710
01:13:33,034 --> 01:13:36,629
I'm good. In fact, I'm much...
Much better now.
1711
01:13:36,704 --> 01:13:37,956
Good.
Yeah.
1712
01:13:38,039 --> 01:13:39,256
Okay.
All right.
1713
01:13:45,004 --> 01:13:47,427
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)
1714
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:53,304
(GRUNTS)
1715
01:13:57,683 --> 01:13:59,276
(GROANS)
1716
01:14:00,811 --> 01:14:01,778
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
1717
01:14:01,854 --> 01:14:02,855
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1718
01:14:02,939 --> 01:14:04,816
Okay, I'm awake.
1719
01:14:16,494 --> 01:14:17,586
Fuck it.
1720
01:14:23,042 --> 01:14:24,043
(PARTS)
1721
01:14:25,586 --> 01:14:27,179
(LOUD PLOP)
1722
01:14:27,338 --> 01:14:28,760
(CHUCKLES)
1723
01:14:31,384 --> 01:14:33,557
MAN: Hello, I'm trying to find...
Oh, come on!
1724
01:14:33,719 --> 01:14:36,393
Look, bring it to me in the office.
I don't care.
1725
01:14:36,555 --> 01:14:38,307
Relax, I'll be there.
Yes, sir.
1726
01:14:38,641 --> 01:14:41,064
Just look at...
This is important. Taxi!
1727
01:14:44,981 --> 01:14:46,233
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
1728
01:14:53,614 --> 01:14:55,742
(CHEERING)
1729
01:14:56,409 --> 01:14:57,501
Thank you.
1730
01:14:57,660 --> 01:14:59,082
Thank you, America.
1731
01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:11,302
ALL: Whoa!
1732
01:15:32,153 --> 01:15:33,279
(SIGHS)
1733
01:15:36,323 --> 01:15:37,996
I've got my eye
on you!
1734
01:15:39,035 --> 01:15:40,412
(GIRL SQUEALING)
1735
01:15:42,455 --> 01:15:44,173
(SCREAMING)
1736
01:15:45,791 --> 01:15:47,589
(LAUGHING)
1737
01:15:52,590 --> 01:15:54,137
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
1738
01:15:55,634 --> 01:15:56,681
Go for Lockwood.
1739
01:15:56,761 --> 01:15:58,434
Mitch, I'm panicking
over here.
1740
01:15:58,512 --> 01:16:00,185
I haven't been on
a date in 18 years.
1741
01:16:00,473 --> 01:16:02,475
I'm drowning
in my own fear.
1742
01:16:02,641 --> 01:16:03,984
Relax and calm down.
1743
01:16:04,143 --> 01:16:06,942
Don't tell me to relax! You did this to me.
I can't do it, okay?
1744
01:16:07,313 --> 01:16:08,815
Don't move,
I'll be right there.
1745
01:16:11,484 --> 01:16:12,531
Mitch?
1746
01:16:12,818 --> 01:16:13,819
Hey.
1747
01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:15,492
How do I look?
1748
01:16:17,364 --> 01:16:19,833
Just grow a mustache and
lure a child into your van.
1749
01:16:19,992 --> 01:16:21,335
Where did you
find that shit?
1750
01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:22,996
The back of your closet.
1751
01:16:23,162 --> 01:16:24,664
Put it back!
1752
01:16:24,997 --> 01:16:26,340
These are called jeans.
1753
01:16:26,499 --> 01:16:28,217
They've been popular with America's
youth for over 60 years.
1754
01:16:28,375 --> 01:16:31,675
Jeans to a restaurant?
Yeah, jeans to a restaurant.
1755
01:16:31,837 --> 01:16:32,884
Look who else can hit.
1756
01:16:33,047 --> 01:16:35,141
In order to feel confident,
you got to look good, okay?
1757
01:16:35,216 --> 01:16:36,684
This is a vest,
put that on.
1758
01:16:37,551 --> 01:16:39,974
Okay, this is called
gel or product.
1759
01:16:40,137 --> 01:16:41,605
Too little, you look
like a pedophile,
1760
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:43,478
too much
and you look Persian.
1761
01:16:43,641 --> 01:16:45,234
Mitch, I have done everything
that you have asked of me.
1762
01:16:45,309 --> 01:16:47,437
I got the jeans on, I got the
vest, the gel in my hair...
1763
01:16:47,561 --> 01:16:48,904
You look great. ...
but I am not going to do this.
1764
01:16:48,896 --> 01:16:50,694
Yes, you are going to do this.
Why do I have to do this?
1765
01:16:50,856 --> 01:16:52,449
Because it shows
that you're considerate,
1766
01:16:52,525 --> 01:16:54,323
that you're clean,
that you're American.
1767
01:16:54,485 --> 01:16:56,738
Why do you even care?
It's my body!
1768
01:16:56,904 --> 01:16:58,076
It's my body right now!
1769
01:16:58,239 --> 01:17:00,082
I'm scared!
1770
01:17:00,866 --> 01:17:02,584
There, we have it.
1771
01:17:02,868 --> 01:17:05,087
Nobody ever needs to know
that this happened, Mitch.
1772
01:17:05,996 --> 01:17:07,669
(SHAVER BUZZING)
1773
01:17:10,376 --> 01:17:13,380
Boy, real tempting
to kiss my own dick.
1774
01:17:13,546 --> 01:17:14,547
Ah, that tickles.
1775
01:17:14,713 --> 01:17:16,590
Shh, you're
jiggling the sac.
1776
01:17:16,715 --> 01:17:18,934
Oh, you're going to go all
the way back there, huh?
1777
01:17:19,051 --> 01:17:20,849
We're going to dinner,
not Rio.
1778
01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:23,230
AH right.
You got any extra batteries?
1779
01:17:24,390 --> 01:17:26,108
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1780
01:17:44,243 --> 01:17:45,210
Hi.
1781
01:17:45,286 --> 01:17:46,629
Mitch.
How are you?
1782
01:17:48,789 --> 01:17:50,462
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Okay.
1783
01:17:51,250 --> 01:17:53,048
So...
(CLEARS THROAT)
1784
01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:57,464
What the weather?
1785
01:17:57,923 --> 01:17:59,971
Listen, the only reason I'm here
1786
01:18:00,050 --> 01:18:01,427
is because my boss
told me to be.
1787
01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:03,808
This is not a date.
This is not a "get to know you."
1788
01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:06,023
This is just me trying
to save my job.
1789
01:18:06,932 --> 01:18:07,979
I'm going to go.
1790
01:18:08,142 --> 01:18:09,234
Just sit the fuck
back down.
1791
01:18:09,393 --> 01:18:12,397
I showered, I showed up, I'm
starving and I could use a drink.
1792
01:18:13,981 --> 01:18:15,449
How long have
you known Dave?
1793
01:18:16,442 --> 01:18:17,910
My whole life, actually.
1794
01:18:18,068 --> 01:18:20,287
And have you ever seen him
act like he did yesterday?
1795
01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:21,823
Like a super-douche?
1796
01:18:22,239 --> 01:18:23,786
(LAUGHS)
BOTH: Yeah.
1797
01:18:23,949 --> 01:18:25,576
Uh, I have, at times.
1798
01:18:25,743 --> 01:18:28,963
But I'm really hoping that he
didn't say anything to offend you.
1799
01:18:29,121 --> 01:18:30,122
He totally did.
1800
01:18:30,289 --> 01:18:33,133
But I like being offended,
just usually after work.
1801
01:18:33,209 --> 01:18:34,210
Wow.
1802
01:18:34,293 --> 01:18:36,170
Here's the bottle you ordered, sir.
Excellent.
1803
01:18:36,337 --> 01:18:37,429
Mmm-mmm,
send that shit back.
1804
01:18:37,588 --> 01:18:39,340
Bring us two
Macallan 25s, neat.
1805
01:18:39,506 --> 01:18:41,304
Right away, ma'am.
Right away.
1806
01:18:41,967 --> 01:18:43,469
So, let me
ask you something.
1807
01:18:43,844 --> 01:18:44,845
It's a question.
1808
01:18:46,138 --> 01:18:47,435
How do you like
working with Dave?
1809
01:18:47,598 --> 01:18:48,645
How is he?
1810
01:18:50,142 --> 01:18:51,644
I love it.
1811
01:18:52,102 --> 01:18:53,604
I mean, he's a
brilliant lawyer.
1812
01:18:54,021 --> 01:18:55,989
He's the best.
1813
01:18:59,318 --> 01:19:02,822
(CHUCKLES) Actually,
if you must know,
1814
01:19:03,822 --> 01:19:06,826
I used to kind of
have a crush on Dave.
1815
01:19:07,993 --> 01:19:11,543
(CRINGES) Oh, no,
you didn't!
1816
01:19:12,456 --> 01:19:13,423
(BOTH LAUGHING)
You're funny.
1817
01:19:13,499 --> 01:19:15,297
I mean, obviously,
he's married, so...
1818
01:19:15,459 --> 01:19:18,463
Right, obviously,
obviously, obviously.
1819
01:19:19,004 --> 01:19:20,631
Super-married.
What do you do, Mitch?
1820
01:19:20,714 --> 01:19:22,512
Me? For a living?
Yeah.
1821
01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:25,303
You know, I am...
1822
01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:28,685
I...
1823
01:19:30,015 --> 01:19:32,894
When I'm not eating hummus
and ferociously masturbating,
1824
01:19:33,060 --> 01:19:35,404
I dabble in light porn.
1825
01:19:35,813 --> 01:19:37,986
I hear that's a growth industry.
Yeah!
1826
01:19:38,524 --> 01:19:39,992
I'm just going to get
everything on the dessert menu.
1827
01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:42,653
I'm going to order,
like, six desserts.
1828
01:19:46,073 --> 01:19:47,541
Oh, my God.
1829
01:19:53,038 --> 01:19:54,415
No, no, no! (LAUGHING)
1830
01:19:57,584 --> 01:19:59,177
Do I have anything
in my teeth?
1831
01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:01,388
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1832
01:20:02,381 --> 01:20:03,849
DAVE: That's a lot of sugar.
1833
01:20:04,008 --> 01:20:05,885
Yeah. A lot of scotch!
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
1834
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:08,600
Yeah. That was a lot of fun,
is what it really was.
1835
01:20:08,762 --> 01:20:11,106
Was? What, are we done?
1836
01:20:11,265 --> 01:20:12,562
It's only 2:00!
1837
01:20:12,725 --> 01:20:14,727
No! I'm just
messing with you.
1838
01:20:15,894 --> 01:20:17,362
(LAUGHING)
No, let's...
1839
01:20:17,521 --> 01:20:19,569
We'll go to a rave or something.
You want to get raving?
1840
01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:21,234
People raving right now?
1841
01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:23,698
Let's rave!
Yeah.
1842
01:20:23,861 --> 01:20:25,408
I forgot about raves!
1843
01:20:25,571 --> 01:20:27,744
Man, I'm messing with you.
1844
01:20:27,906 --> 01:20:29,249
Go and do that? No.
1845
01:20:29,908 --> 01:20:31,876
I do have an idea.
Uh-huh.
1846
01:20:32,286 --> 01:20:33,754
What do you think
about doing something
1847
01:20:33,912 --> 01:20:38,292
that we will really, really
regret in the morning?
1848
01:20:38,459 --> 01:20:39,836
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1849
01:20:40,878 --> 01:20:41,879
You into it?
1850
01:20:44,298 --> 01:20:46,266
Yeah, we can
definitely do that.
1851
01:20:46,925 --> 01:20:47,926
(LAUGHING) Okay!
1852
01:20:48,093 --> 01:20:50,471
Okay. Let's go.
(SIGHS) All right, let's go.
1853
01:20:50,637 --> 01:20:52,560
(WHISPERING) Fuck, fuck, fuck!
1854
01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:54,558
(MACHINE BUZZING)
(SABRINA MOANING)
1855
01:20:54,641 --> 01:20:57,019
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
1856
01:20:58,645 --> 01:21:00,443
(CONTINUES MOANING)
1857
01:21:04,193 --> 01:21:05,866
(GROANING)
1858
01:21:07,571 --> 01:21:08,572
Oh, God!
1859
01:21:10,282 --> 01:21:11,499
Oh. Wow. Really?
1860
01:21:11,658 --> 01:21:13,376
Are you sure
that's what you want?
1861
01:21:13,535 --> 01:21:15,378
Absolutely. I like that.
1862
01:21:15,537 --> 01:21:19,462
You're okay with that being on
your body for, like, forever?
1863
01:21:19,625 --> 01:21:21,673
I feel pretty good
about it.
1864
01:21:21,835 --> 01:21:22,961
How is yours down there?
1865
01:21:23,128 --> 01:21:24,425
It's good.
1866
01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:25,635
It tickles a little.
1867
01:21:26,131 --> 01:21:27,599
Rico.
Yo.
1868
01:21:27,758 --> 01:21:28,759
What do you think
of this turn, man?
1869
01:21:31,595 --> 01:21:32,596
I don't know, man.
1870
01:21:33,347 --> 01:21:34,894
Ask Tommy.
Tommy!
1871
01:21:35,224 --> 01:21:36,316
TOMMY: Yeah, man.
1872
01:21:36,392 --> 01:21:38,019
Check this out, man.
1873
01:21:38,102 --> 01:21:39,604
(GIGGLING)
1874
01:21:39,812 --> 01:21:40,938
(CLEARS THROAT)
1875
01:21:41,021 --> 01:21:43,399
You never did tell me
about your childhood.
1876
01:21:43,774 --> 01:21:45,617
Really? Now?
1877
01:21:45,776 --> 01:21:47,699
With the Sons of Anarchy
between your...
1878
01:21:47,861 --> 01:21:49,488
Um, let's see here...
1879
01:21:49,655 --> 01:21:51,123
Tommy, Rico. Hey, guys.
1880
01:21:51,281 --> 01:21:52,373
We are sightseeing now.
1881
01:21:52,533 --> 01:21:55,002
Let's move it along,
please. Come on.
1882
01:21:55,327 --> 01:21:56,579
You are such a gentleman.
1883
01:21:56,745 --> 01:21:59,089
Now you only have one ponytailed
ex-convict between your legs,
1884
01:21:59,248 --> 01:22:00,249
so everything is fine.
1885
01:22:00,332 --> 01:22:01,754
(SABRINA LAUGHS)
1886
01:22:02,668 --> 01:22:04,591
I'm kidding.
I was absolutely joking.
1887
01:22:05,129 --> 01:22:07,848
I love your ponytail.
And that little pirate beard.
1888
01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:09,349
Sun kidding.
(EXHALES)
1889
01:22:12,302 --> 01:22:15,727
(CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
1890
01:22:17,808 --> 01:22:19,435
That's me, there.
1891
01:22:19,601 --> 01:22:21,319
This is you.
Mmm-hmm.
1892
01:22:21,478 --> 01:22:23,697
Yeah, that is nice.
Thanks.
1893
01:22:23,856 --> 01:22:24,948
Yeah.
1894
01:22:34,700 --> 01:22:35,872
Well, good night.
1895
01:22:37,828 --> 01:22:39,000
Good night.
1896
01:22:46,336 --> 01:22:47,383
Hey, Mitch?
1897
01:22:47,713 --> 01:22:48,805
Yeah.
1898
01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:51,554
Are you going
to call me?
1899
01:22:54,178 --> 01:22:56,306
I thought you said
this wasn't a date.
1900
01:22:58,348 --> 01:23:00,021
Things change.
1901
01:23:05,230 --> 01:23:06,903
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1902
01:23:07,858 --> 01:23:09,860
That's a cute tie.
Thank you.
1903
01:23:10,527 --> 01:23:12,279
You should wear
that to the party.
1904
01:23:12,446 --> 01:23:13,743
What party?
1905
01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:16,117
Our anniversary party.
1906
01:23:20,078 --> 01:23:22,922
Our anniversary party?
Why the fuck wasn't I...
1907
01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:26,710
What about Mitch?
1908
01:23:26,877 --> 01:23:28,925
You said you didn't
want him to come.
1909
01:23:29,922 --> 01:23:31,924
I did?
Yeah.
1910
01:23:32,216 --> 01:23:34,969
You said you were really
embarrassed of him.
1911
01:23:35,886 --> 01:23:37,058
That's why
I didn't invite him.
1912
01:23:37,221 --> 01:23:38,894
I can't believe
I don't remember that.
1913
01:23:39,056 --> 01:23:40,558
You also said
that you thought
1914
01:23:40,641 --> 01:23:42,268
that he would
get hammered
1915
01:23:42,434 --> 01:23:44,311
and hit on all of our married
friends, be mean to my grandma
1916
01:23:44,478 --> 01:23:46,276
and turn the whole thing
into a key party.
1917
01:23:46,605 --> 01:23:47,606
Once, that happened.
1918
01:23:47,773 --> 01:23:50,401
And you said he would force
everyone to do Kamikaze shots,
1919
01:23:50,567 --> 01:23:52,661
spike the punch
with ecstasy,
1920
01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:54,238
give all the girls
breast exams and...
1921
01:23:54,404 --> 01:23:55,951
That was the same party.
1922
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:58,208
Hmm. Weird.
1923
01:23:58,283 --> 01:24:00,627
Maybe we should talk about your
bad memory at Dialogue Night.
1924
01:24:00,786 --> 01:24:03,756
Stilton Coffee House tonight.
Don't forget.
1925
01:24:05,290 --> 01:24:06,633
Okay.
Okay?
1926
01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:08,794
Bye.
1927
01:24:24,726 --> 01:24:26,228
(LAUGHS)
1928
01:24:27,646 --> 01:24:29,489
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
1929
01:24:29,565 --> 01:24:30,908
(GRUNTS)
1930
01:24:32,901 --> 01:24:33,993
Hello.
1931
01:24:34,152 --> 01:24:36,871
This is District
Manager Carla Nelson
1932
01:24:36,947 --> 01:24:38,665
from the Atlanta
Department of Parks.
1933
01:24:38,824 --> 01:24:39,825
Oh, yeah.
1934
01:24:39,992 --> 01:24:43,371
Well, we have found
that fountain.
1935
01:24:43,537 --> 01:24:46,837
It's been moved to
1100 Peachtree Boulevard.
1936
01:24:46,999 --> 01:24:49,001
You found it.
Okay, well...
1937
01:24:49,668 --> 01:24:52,137
(STAMMERS) Okay,
we'll be there soon.
1938
01:24:52,296 --> 01:24:54,845
All righty, then.
Have a good day.
1939
01:24:55,007 --> 01:24:56,008
Thank you.
1940
01:25:05,851 --> 01:25:07,228
Hi.
Hi.
1941
01:25:07,853 --> 01:25:08,900
How are you?
1942
01:25:08,979 --> 01:25:11,482
Good. Just on my way
to see Dave.
1943
01:25:11,648 --> 01:25:12,649
Actually,
1944
01:25:14,234 --> 01:25:17,033
all the senior staff is going to
be at the mediation tomorrow.
1945
01:25:17,195 --> 01:25:19,664
So, I snagged
Flemming's seats
1946
01:25:19,740 --> 01:25:21,868
to the Marlins-Braves game.
1947
01:25:22,034 --> 01:25:24,537
You, me, beer, baseball.
1948
01:25:24,703 --> 01:25:25,750
What more could
a guy want?
1949
01:25:26,371 --> 01:25:27,543
(GROANS)
1950
01:25:29,207 --> 01:25:31,551
Don't take this
the wrong way.
1951
01:25:31,710 --> 01:25:34,088
I would really love to go to that
game with you, but I don't...
1952
01:25:34,254 --> 01:25:36,177
(ANGRILY) Are you
breaking up with me?
1953
01:25:39,426 --> 01:25:40,928
What? I'm messing with you.
(LAUGHING)
1954
01:25:41,428 --> 01:25:42,805
Oh!
1955
01:25:43,555 --> 01:25:45,057
Look, it is just
a baseball game.
1956
01:25:45,223 --> 01:25:46,600
They're dugout seats.
1957
01:25:46,933 --> 01:25:49,937
Whatever you have
to do, cancel it.
1958
01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:04,493
Hey.
1959
01:26:05,619 --> 01:26:06,620
They found the fountain.
1960
01:26:06,787 --> 01:26:08,881
Yeah, they did.
She called me, too.
1961
01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:10,582
Yeah.
1962
01:26:12,042 --> 01:26:13,043
So...
1963
01:26:13,919 --> 01:26:15,216
Good news.
1964
01:26:15,379 --> 01:26:17,256
Yeah, it's good news.
1965
01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:20,058
Awesome.
1966
01:26:20,425 --> 01:26:22,928
We should probably go,
you know, take a piss.
1967
01:26:23,428 --> 01:26:25,772
Yeah, yeah,
let's do it.
1968
01:26:26,139 --> 01:26:27,140
Yeah.
1969
01:26:27,766 --> 01:26:29,939
Except...
Except?
1970
01:26:30,227 --> 01:26:33,447
Except, the mediation
is tomorrow,
1971
01:26:33,605 --> 01:26:35,152
and I've been working
my ass off on that.
1972
01:26:35,315 --> 01:26:36,942
Yeah, you've been working
real hard on that.
1973
01:26:37,109 --> 01:26:38,952
And I want to
prove to myself
1974
01:26:39,111 --> 01:26:40,954
and to people
1975
01:26:41,029 --> 01:26:42,827
that I can see
that through.
1976
01:26:42,989 --> 01:26:44,411
And you should.
Yeah.
1977
01:26:44,574 --> 01:26:45,746
You deserve that.
1978
01:26:45,909 --> 01:26:46,956
What are you saying?
1979
01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:49,621
We could wait.
1980
01:26:49,788 --> 01:26:51,631
You want to wait?
We could wait a day.
1981
01:26:51,790 --> 01:26:53,258
Push it a day?
Or a week?
1982
01:26:53,417 --> 01:26:55,590
We should wait to switch.
We can do it...
1983
01:26:55,752 --> 01:26:56,753
A month?
Yeah.
1984
01:26:56,920 --> 01:26:57,887
It's time.
1985
01:26:57,963 --> 01:26:59,636
Really, what is time?
1986
01:26:59,798 --> 01:27:00,845
Come here, Dave.
1987
01:27:00,924 --> 01:27:02,392
Come on, buddy.
(BOTH GROAN)
1988
01:27:02,968 --> 01:27:05,062
This went so well.
Yeah, it did.
1989
01:27:05,429 --> 01:27:06,476
It's kind of surprising.
1990
01:27:06,638 --> 01:27:07,810
Very surprising.
1991
01:27:07,973 --> 01:27:12,149
If they offer you one red
cent over $700 million,
1992
01:27:12,310 --> 01:27:13,482
you accept that.
Got it?
1993
01:27:13,812 --> 01:27:15,109
Yes, of course.
Why wouldn't I?
1994
01:27:15,272 --> 01:27:16,273
Why wouldn't you?
1995
01:27:16,440 --> 01:27:17,783
Great!
Good!
1996
01:27:17,941 --> 01:27:19,614
What's the worst that can happen?
Nothing can happen!
1997
01:27:20,068 --> 01:27:21,240
I think it's fine.
1998
01:27:21,361 --> 01:27:22,362
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
1999
01:27:38,044 --> 01:27:39,717
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
2000
01:27:40,672 --> 01:27:41,764
Dave Lockwood.
2001
01:27:41,923 --> 01:27:43,095
Did you forget something?
2002
01:27:44,176 --> 01:27:46,645
Who is this?
Your wife.
2003
01:27:46,803 --> 01:27:47,770
Oh.
2004
01:27:47,846 --> 01:27:51,771
Ummm. Did I forget something?
I don't know. What?
2005
01:27:52,017 --> 01:27:53,109
Never mind.
2006
01:27:53,268 --> 01:27:56,363
It's the mediation tomorrow,
so I'm under it.
2007
01:27:56,521 --> 01:27:57,818
I can't play.
2008
01:28:00,609 --> 01:28:02,703
So, how did it go?
How much money is it?
2009
01:28:02,861 --> 01:28:05,114
Just two hours,
so, 14 bucks.
2010
01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:06,281
Great.
2011
01:28:07,199 --> 01:28:08,542
Sorry you got stood up.
2012
01:28:10,494 --> 01:28:11,837
He just forgot.
2013
01:28:12,204 --> 01:28:14,047
Yeah, that's what
I meant. (LAUGHS)
2014
01:28:14,873 --> 01:28:17,376
He forgot me
at the coffee shop
2015
01:28:17,542 --> 01:28:20,716
when all I wanted to do
was go and talk to him.
2016
01:28:20,879 --> 01:28:23,507
Which isn't a lot to ask,
do you think?
2017
01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:25,220
What do you
want me to say?
2018
01:28:25,383 --> 01:28:27,226
Well, have you ever
been stood up by a man?
2019
01:28:28,220 --> 01:28:29,642
Not really.
Uh-huh.
2020
01:28:29,805 --> 01:28:31,853
Our parents drive
us places, though, so...
2021
01:28:32,015 --> 01:28:33,232
Bottom line, Katie,
2022
01:28:33,391 --> 01:28:36,691
is work always
comes first,
2023
01:28:36,770 --> 01:28:38,238
and we always
come second.
2024
01:28:38,396 --> 01:28:40,569
And I don't think that's
ever going to change.
2025
01:28:41,525 --> 01:28:42,993
I've got to go home now
2026
01:28:43,068 --> 01:28:44,661
because I have
this Spanish test, so...
2027
01:28:44,820 --> 01:28:46,322
I can write you a note.
2028
01:28:46,488 --> 01:28:48,411
I guess deep down,
2029
01:28:48,490 --> 01:28:51,369
I'm afraid that
I'll keep compromising
2030
01:28:51,535 --> 01:28:54,505
until getting the shit
end feels normal.
2031
01:28:54,663 --> 01:28:57,086
And then I'll be
so beaten down by life
2032
01:28:57,457 --> 01:29:01,087
that, just for a second,
I will consider asking
2033
01:29:01,253 --> 01:29:04,177
the homeless guy at the car wash
who looks like Kris Kristofferson
2034
01:29:04,339 --> 01:29:05,511
to rub my shoulders.
2035
01:29:05,674 --> 01:29:07,847
And I will,
and he will.
2036
01:29:08,009 --> 01:29:10,182
And you know what?
It'll be wonderful.
2037
01:29:11,054 --> 01:29:12,522
And I'll love it.
2038
01:29:12,681 --> 01:29:14,103
Because why not?
2039
01:29:14,266 --> 01:29:17,566
(CRYING) I mean, I'm not
getting anything here.
2040
01:29:17,727 --> 01:29:19,855
Nobody's fucking me here.
2041
01:29:20,355 --> 01:29:24,201
You know, Katie, this is exactly
why people get divorced.
2042
01:29:25,527 --> 01:29:27,279
I'm so sorry.
2043
01:29:27,445 --> 01:29:31,120
I'm so sorry.
That was way out of line.
2044
01:29:34,578 --> 01:29:36,455
Do you want
some ice cream?
2045
01:29:36,955 --> 01:29:39,799
I'm not getting any
closer to leaving, am I?
2046
01:29:40,542 --> 01:29:41,543
No.
2047
01:29:41,793 --> 01:29:43,966
(ORGAN PLAYING GAME TUNES)
2048
01:29:46,256 --> 01:29:48,975
(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)
2049
01:29:55,599 --> 01:29:56,691
Wow!
2050
01:29:59,311 --> 01:30:00,437
It's looking good out there.
2051
01:30:00,604 --> 01:30:02,982
Hudson loves the sinker.
He's been crushing them all year.
2052
01:30:03,148 --> 01:30:05,116
Listen to you, you are
a big baseball fan!
2053
01:30:05,191 --> 01:30:06,238
Yeah, huge.
2054
01:30:06,318 --> 01:30:07,570
I didn't know
that about you.
2055
01:30:07,736 --> 01:30:10,831
I was Phil Niekro for Halloween
three years in a row as a kid.
2056
01:30:10,989 --> 01:30:13,833
No way! Phil Niekro is my number
one favorite of all time!
2057
01:30:13,992 --> 01:30:15,414
Why is my voice
so high?
2058
01:30:15,493 --> 01:30:16,494
(LAUGHING)
2059
01:30:31,009 --> 01:30:32,181
WOMAN: Thank you
for coming in today.
2060
01:30:32,344 --> 01:30:33,596
My name is Erin Walsh,
2061
01:30:33,678 --> 01:30:35,100
and I'll be mediating
your claim.
2062
01:30:35,263 --> 01:30:38,767
Any and all agreements made
during this mediation are binding
2063
01:30:38,934 --> 01:30:40,607
and carry with them
the full rights
2064
01:30:40,685 --> 01:30:42,312
and responsibilities
of the law
2065
01:30:42,479 --> 01:30:46,529
as stated in Federal
Code 325 A, Section 4.
2066
01:30:47,359 --> 01:30:48,360
(INAUDIBLE)
2067
01:30:50,111 --> 01:30:52,455
Kinkabe agrees in principle
to the terms of the sale
2068
01:30:52,614 --> 01:30:55,993
and valuates your company
at $625 million.
2069
01:30:56,159 --> 01:30:57,877
This is their best
and final offer.
2070
01:31:01,331 --> 01:31:03,550
TED: There is no way
we can make this deal.
2071
01:31:03,708 --> 01:31:05,836
FLEMMING: Six-twenty-five
is not the end of the world.
2072
01:31:06,002 --> 01:31:08,630
You've just got to know
when it's time to quit.
2073
01:31:08,797 --> 01:31:11,050
Fuck that noise.
We are not quitting.
2074
01:31:11,216 --> 01:31:13,059
I think you can
do better, Ted.
2075
01:31:13,510 --> 01:31:14,511
I beg your pardon.
2076
01:31:14,678 --> 01:31:16,305
I don't see anybody
headed for the door.
2077
01:31:16,805 --> 01:31:19,308
This is just like trying to fuck a
Catholic girl who keeps saying,
2078
01:31:19,474 --> 01:31:22,227
"No, I don't want to.
I'm really drunk and you're circumcised."
2079
01:31:22,394 --> 01:31:23,816
But she keeps on
making out with you,
2080
01:31:23,895 --> 01:31:25,067
she's not leaving
your Fiero...
2081
01:31:25,230 --> 01:31:26,447
It means she really wants to.
2082
01:31:26,773 --> 01:31:28,571
She just needs
a little bit of a nudge.
2083
01:31:28,650 --> 01:31:30,152
A little bit of a coax,
little bit of a tickle.
2084
01:31:30,235 --> 01:31:31,862
Just to rationalize it
to herself, to her God.
2085
01:31:31,945 --> 01:31:33,037
Do you know what I mean?
2086
01:31:34,906 --> 01:31:38,752
No, Dave. We most definitely
do not know what you mean.
2087
01:31:38,910 --> 01:31:40,628
Okay. What I mean is,
2088
01:31:40,787 --> 01:31:43,381
they want to spend more, they
just don't know it, all right?
2089
01:31:43,540 --> 01:31:44,712
If this really was
their final offer,
2090
01:31:44,833 --> 01:31:46,005
they'd be leaving,
but they're not.
2091
01:31:46,084 --> 01:31:48,428
They're sticking around.
They've got more money to spend.
2092
01:31:50,088 --> 01:31:52,432
She wants to unroll that rubber
at the bottom of her purse
2093
01:31:52,590 --> 01:31:54,592
that she put in there
three semesters ago.
2094
01:31:58,555 --> 01:32:00,398
How much more do you think
we can get out of them?
2095
01:32:01,391 --> 01:32:02,768
Ten million? Fifteen?
2096
01:32:03,101 --> 01:32:06,776
Pull those panties to the side,
Ted, and take a hundred more.
2097
01:32:07,105 --> 01:32:08,106
What?
2098
01:32:09,065 --> 01:32:12,285
Do not listen to him, Ted.
He is beyond reckless.
2099
01:32:12,444 --> 01:32:15,994
If we make too large a counter
offer, we risk driving them away.
2100
01:32:16,156 --> 01:32:17,578
Ted, it doesn't hurt to ask.
2101
01:32:18,199 --> 01:32:19,371
You would not
believe the nasty shit
2102
01:32:19,451 --> 01:32:20,919
I get these girls to do,
just by asking.
2103
01:32:20,994 --> 01:32:22,667
Honestly, it's revolting.
2104
01:32:24,998 --> 01:32:26,921
It does seem odd that
they're not leaving.
2105
01:32:27,083 --> 01:32:28,585
Punch her in the seat.
2106
01:32:36,634 --> 01:32:39,353
You can tell Kinkabe we
want an extra 100 million.
2107
01:32:39,512 --> 01:32:42,265
And that is our final offer,
because we're leaving.
2108
01:32:42,432 --> 01:32:43,649
Fuel the jet, let's go.
2109
01:32:53,443 --> 01:32:55,912
For the record, I did not support
that decision. (ERIN SHOUTING)
2110
01:32:55,987 --> 01:32:56,988
Sir!
2111
01:33:00,158 --> 01:33:03,287
Sir, Mr. Kinkabe has
agreed to $725 million.
2112
01:33:03,453 --> 01:33:04,500
The deal is closed!
2113
01:33:04,621 --> 01:33:06,043
(WHOOPING)
2114
01:33:06,122 --> 01:33:07,123
Oh, my God!
2115
01:33:08,333 --> 01:33:10,552
(ALL CHEERING)
2116
01:33:13,171 --> 01:33:14,172
What did I tell you?
2117
01:33:16,299 --> 01:33:18,301
(ALL CHATTERING)
2118
01:33:20,970 --> 01:33:22,517
(LAUGHING)
2119
01:33:31,481 --> 01:33:33,279
(CROWD CHEERING)
2120
01:33:33,525 --> 01:33:34,526
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my God!
2121
01:33:35,527 --> 01:33:38,076
Oh, my God!
2122
01:33:38,279 --> 01:33:39,280
Wow.
2123
01:33:39,364 --> 01:33:40,536
Are you glad
you came now?
2124
01:33:40,698 --> 01:33:42,951
Am I glad I came?
It's like the greatest day of my life!
2125
01:33:43,034 --> 01:33:44,251
(LAUGHING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2126
01:33:44,327 --> 01:33:45,704
Where did that come from?
2127
01:33:45,870 --> 01:33:48,589
Hang on, hang on,
I got it.
2128
01:33:48,748 --> 01:33:50,921
Oh, no, they are
going to call it.
2129
01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:54,887
MITCH: Man, this is amazing.
I can't believe they're making me partner.
2130
01:33:55,046 --> 01:33:56,548
I'm the greatest
lawyer, ever.
2131
01:33:56,714 --> 01:33:58,216
What a day. (LAUGHS)
2132
01:33:59,551 --> 01:34:01,394
So, now you can be happy.
2133
01:34:01,553 --> 01:34:02,725
Do you think they are
going to give me a medal?
2134
01:34:03,054 --> 01:34:05,022
Could you imagine
an engraved sword?
2135
01:34:05,181 --> 01:34:07,434
Honestly, I'd be happy
with anything engraved.
2136
01:34:07,600 --> 01:34:09,728
A sword or a spear.
2137
01:34:09,894 --> 01:34:11,066
Even a shield
would be good.
2138
01:34:11,229 --> 01:34:14,358
Slap it, Cara. Cara.
2139
01:34:15,400 --> 01:34:16,697
FLEMMING: We are
gathered here tonight
2140
01:34:16,860 --> 01:34:20,205
to celebrate the newest
partner in our esteemed firm.
2141
01:34:20,363 --> 01:34:22,491
David Andrew Lockwood
2142
01:34:22,574 --> 01:34:25,874
was born on March 25th, 1974.
2143
01:34:26,035 --> 01:34:28,379
By all accounts,
Dave was a sweet,
2144
01:34:28,496 --> 01:34:30,874
diligent,
hardworking little boy.
2145
01:34:32,041 --> 01:34:33,884
(LAUGHING)
2146
01:34:36,087 --> 01:34:37,134
Wow.
2147
01:34:37,213 --> 01:34:38,635
Yeah, I know.
2148
01:34:38,798 --> 01:34:39,924
I love it.
2149
01:34:40,425 --> 01:34:41,426
Why?
2150
01:34:42,302 --> 01:34:43,303
It reminds me
of high school.
2151
01:34:43,469 --> 01:34:46,393
I feel like I'm about
to lose my virginity.
2152
01:34:46,556 --> 01:34:47,603
(LAUGHS) Bathroom?
2153
01:34:47,765 --> 01:34:49,438
Yeah, right there.
2154
01:34:50,768 --> 01:34:52,111
(MOUTHING)
2155
01:34:56,524 --> 01:34:58,026
Do you want
a drink or something?
2156
01:34:58,193 --> 01:35:00,491
(STAMMERS) Or warm clothes
or I can get you a drink?
2157
01:35:00,653 --> 01:35:02,030
No, it's okay.
We'll have one after.
2158
01:35:03,281 --> 01:35:05,784
Okay. After what?
2159
01:35:06,075 --> 01:35:09,045
Relax, Mitch, you're going to
get laid tonight. (LAUGHS)
2160
01:35:09,621 --> 01:35:13,967
FLEMMING: In high school, Dave
graduated first in his class.
2161
01:35:14,125 --> 01:35:17,129
After winning a full
scholarship to Princeton,
2162
01:35:17,295 --> 01:35:21,516
Dave, amazingly,
graduated in just three years.
2163
01:35:22,508 --> 01:35:26,229
And after graduating from
Yale Law School with honors,
2164
01:35:26,679 --> 01:35:28,977
Dave clerked
for Justice Souter
2165
01:35:29,140 --> 01:35:31,438
on the United
States Supreme Court.
2166
01:35:34,771 --> 01:35:35,988
Work is hard.
2167
01:35:36,147 --> 01:35:38,400
I like going
to baseball games
2168
01:35:38,566 --> 01:35:41,490
and drinking too much, and getting
tattoos at 3:00 in the morning.
2169
01:35:42,278 --> 01:35:43,325
Yeah.
2170
01:35:43,488 --> 01:35:46,287
Boot. Take it off.
2171
01:35:49,994 --> 01:35:53,464
We were not put on this earth
to work, breed and die.
2172
01:35:53,623 --> 01:35:55,375
No, we were not...
Don't interrupt me, handsome.
2173
01:35:56,376 --> 01:35:59,095
We are here
to have fun.
2174
01:35:59,337 --> 01:36:01,180
Right?
Yeah.
2175
01:36:03,383 --> 01:36:04,384
Boot.
2176
01:36:07,971 --> 01:36:10,394
I just think there's
too many rules.
2177
01:36:11,557 --> 01:36:14,811
Think about all the amazing
experiences that we miss out on
2178
01:36:14,978 --> 01:36:17,401
because we're so worried about
what other people will think.
2179
01:36:18,064 --> 01:36:21,785
Why can't I be a professional,
successful woman
2180
01:36:21,943 --> 01:36:24,867
who sleeps with
someone she just met?
2181
01:36:25,321 --> 01:36:26,618
You know?
2182
01:36:26,781 --> 01:36:28,124
I haven't heard
a word you said
2183
01:36:28,199 --> 01:36:29,826
since you took
your pants off.
2184
01:36:30,285 --> 01:36:31,286
Shirt.
2185
01:36:32,704 --> 01:36:33,705
Shirt.
2186
01:36:36,833 --> 01:36:37,834
You smell like lemons.
2187
01:36:38,918 --> 01:36:40,841
(LAUGHS) I do
smell like lemons.
2188
01:36:41,421 --> 01:36:43,844
Oh, God, you're nervous.
I like that.
2189
01:36:45,591 --> 01:36:46,888
Your leg is shaking.
2190
01:36:47,051 --> 01:36:48,098
That's not my leg.
2191
01:36:48,636 --> 01:36:50,559
Take off my bra.
2192
01:36:50,722 --> 01:36:51,723
All Of it?
2193
01:36:51,889 --> 01:36:53,357
Just the parts
covering the breasts.
2194
01:36:53,516 --> 01:36:55,268
That's a good start.
2195
01:36:56,811 --> 01:36:58,905
(DAVE GRUNTS)
2196
01:37:00,982 --> 01:37:02,655
Oh, that's great.
2197
01:37:03,860 --> 01:37:04,861
At the end of the day...
2198
01:37:05,028 --> 01:37:06,029
Holy shit!
2199
01:37:06,195 --> 01:37:08,664
...I am just tired of
over-thinking things.
2200
01:37:09,240 --> 01:37:10,833
I'm tired of
over-thinking things, too.
2201
01:37:10,992 --> 01:37:13,120
We should just do
what we want to do.
2202
01:37:13,286 --> 01:37:14,663
Let's do it.
Let's just do it.
2203
01:37:14,746 --> 01:37:17,920
FLEMMING: The only thing Dave
loves more than the law
2204
01:37:18,041 --> 01:37:20,840
is his beautiful wife, Jamie.
2205
01:37:21,377 --> 01:37:23,755
Their life is
like a fairy tale
2206
01:37:23,921 --> 01:37:27,300
made even more perfect by their
three adorable children.
2207
01:37:27,550 --> 01:37:30,554
(DISTANTLY) So, as we celebrate
one partnership tonight...
2208
01:37:41,064 --> 01:37:42,907
Look, Daddy,
it's you and me.
2209
01:37:48,738 --> 01:37:49,955
(INDISTINCT)
2210
01:37:54,869 --> 01:37:57,622
...would bring most
men to their knees,
2211
01:37:57,789 --> 01:37:59,132
but not Dave.
2212
01:37:59,707 --> 01:38:01,801
He excelled on all fronts,
2213
01:38:01,959 --> 01:38:03,586
putting the rest
of us to shame.
2214
01:38:04,712 --> 01:38:05,713
I didn't earn this.
2215
01:38:05,880 --> 01:38:10,101
The /aw may be the first
thing on Dave's mind,
2216
01:38:10,259 --> 01:38:14,639
but his family has always been
the first thing in his heart.
2217
01:38:16,057 --> 01:38:17,650
What should we do
with each other, Mitch?
2218
01:38:17,809 --> 01:38:19,106
Oh, God, everything.
2219
01:38:19,310 --> 01:38:20,311
(LAUGHS)
2220
01:38:20,436 --> 01:38:21,779
We could...
2221
01:38:25,108 --> 01:38:26,109
Is that a...
2222
01:38:37,328 --> 01:38:39,171
Is that a many-spotted
skipperling?
2223
01:38:39,580 --> 01:38:40,581
Yeah.
2224
01:38:45,628 --> 01:38:46,754
Mmm.
2225
01:38:47,672 --> 01:38:50,346
You can have
whatever you want.
2226
01:38:54,303 --> 01:38:55,520
What do you want to do?
2227
01:38:58,516 --> 01:39:00,018
I want to go home.
2228
01:39:01,686 --> 01:39:02,687
What?
2229
01:39:04,188 --> 01:39:05,735
I want to go home.
2230
01:39:07,358 --> 01:39:08,701
What? I don't...
2231
01:39:09,360 --> 01:39:10,862
I got a meeting.
I got to go.
2232
01:39:14,991 --> 01:39:16,368
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
2233
01:39:16,909 --> 01:39:17,910
Lockwood residence.
2234
01:39:18,035 --> 01:39:19,036
Where is Dave?
2235
01:39:19,203 --> 01:39:21,251
Dave is at the country club.
They made him partner.
2236
01:39:24,041 --> 01:39:25,884
(CARS HONKING)
2237
01:39:26,002 --> 01:39:27,504
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2238
01:39:28,045 --> 01:39:30,468
FLEMMING:
A brilliant attorney,
2239
01:39:30,590 --> 01:39:31,887
loving husband,
2240
01:39:32,049 --> 01:39:34,051
devoted father.
2241
01:39:36,554 --> 01:39:39,103
It is my distinct honor
2242
01:39:39,223 --> 01:39:40,770
to introduce to you,
2243
01:39:41,100 --> 01:39:44,195
our newest partner,
David Lockwood.
2244
01:39:55,781 --> 01:39:57,283
Way to go, Dave.
2245
01:39:59,702 --> 01:40:01,124
Congratulations, Dave.
2246
01:40:01,370 --> 01:40:03,088
You deserve it.
2247
01:40:03,956 --> 01:40:05,754
This is not my life.
2248
01:40:08,920 --> 01:40:10,217
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2249
01:40:34,570 --> 01:40:35,992
ls she kissing
the wrong guy?
2250
01:40:36,280 --> 01:40:38,123
I know it's weird.
Just go with it.
2251
01:41:00,304 --> 01:41:01,476
We tried to tell you.
2252
01:41:01,931 --> 01:41:02,978
You ready to take a piss?
2253
01:41:03,140 --> 01:41:04,141
You bet your ass I am.
2254
01:41:05,017 --> 01:41:06,018
I love you, pumpkin.
2255
01:41:13,067 --> 01:41:14,284
(EXHALES)
2256
01:41:18,990 --> 01:41:20,458
(HORNS BLARING)
2257
01:41:28,708 --> 01:41:29,960
Are you sure
this is the address?
2258
01:41:30,209 --> 01:41:31,677
Yeah, this is the place.
2259
01:41:45,391 --> 01:41:47,359
You got to be kidding me.
Oh, wow.
2260
01:41:51,022 --> 01:41:52,899
Jesus Christ, it's like the
whole city is in here tonight.
2261
01:41:53,065 --> 01:41:56,194
Okay, let's just do this.
Come on.
2262
01:42:03,909 --> 01:42:05,035
How are we supposed
to get this done?
2263
01:42:05,202 --> 01:42:07,250
You just be super cool...
2264
01:42:07,413 --> 01:42:09,040
(BOTH UNZIPPING) ...
and don't draw attention to yourself.
2265
01:42:13,044 --> 01:42:14,091
Why aren't you peeing?
2266
01:42:14,253 --> 01:42:15,379
I got a lot of
people around me.
2267
01:42:15,546 --> 01:42:16,718
Don't yell at me.
I'm all locked up.
2268
01:42:16,881 --> 01:42:18,224
No one is even looking at us.
We're fine.
2269
01:42:18,382 --> 01:42:22,387
Mommy, that man is
peeing in the fountain!
2270
01:42:24,055 --> 01:42:25,147
(ALL MURMURING)
2271
01:42:25,222 --> 01:42:26,394
Oh, my God.
2272
01:42:26,557 --> 01:42:28,309
The cat is out of the bag, buddy.
You got to go now.
2273
01:42:28,392 --> 01:42:29,393
Why don't you take a picture?
Mitch!
2274
01:42:29,477 --> 01:42:30,478
Come on!
2275
01:42:30,561 --> 01:42:32,563
It's snipped.
Mitch! Mitch!
2276
01:42:32,730 --> 01:42:36,576
By the way, why didn't you invite
me to your anniversary party?
2277
01:42:39,111 --> 01:42:41,489
Okay, look...
2278
01:42:42,406 --> 01:42:43,703
I feel really
bad about that
2279
01:42:43,783 --> 01:42:45,126
but can we talk about
that at another time?
2280
01:42:45,284 --> 01:42:46,661
There is a girl scout
staring at my penis.
2281
01:42:46,827 --> 01:42:48,249
I want to talk
about it right now.
2282
01:42:48,412 --> 01:42:49,413
Really?
2283
01:42:49,747 --> 01:42:51,420
Are you embarrassed of me?
2284
01:42:52,124 --> 01:42:55,970
I'm sorry.
Yeah. Yeah, I was.
2285
01:42:56,587 --> 01:42:57,964
But I'm not any more.
2286
01:42:59,423 --> 01:43:01,141
I'm actually
proud of you, Mitch.
2287
01:43:02,968 --> 01:43:04,015
Really?
2288
01:43:04,762 --> 01:43:05,934
Really.
2289
01:43:07,431 --> 01:43:08,728
(GROANS IN RELIEF)
2290
01:43:08,933 --> 01:43:10,230
(CROWD GASPING)
2291
01:43:10,309 --> 01:43:11,481
Attaboy!
2292
01:43:11,644 --> 01:43:13,146
I think that's what
had me all locked up.
2293
01:43:13,312 --> 01:43:14,313
Hey!
2294
01:43:15,481 --> 01:43:17,324
Shit, we got
security on us.
2295
01:43:17,400 --> 01:43:18,617
We got to do
this right now.
2296
01:43:18,776 --> 01:43:20,278
Three, two, one...
2297
01:43:20,444 --> 01:43:21,821
BOTH: I wish I had
my old life back!
2298
01:43:21,987 --> 01:43:22,988
What did they say?
2299
01:43:23,447 --> 01:43:25,870
Do you feel any different?
No, go again.
2300
01:43:26,033 --> 01:43:28,502
BOTH: I wish I had
my old life back!
2301
01:43:29,704 --> 01:43:31,377
Oh, shit!
Come on, guy!
2302
01:43:31,539 --> 01:43:33,712
We are running out of time here.
Three, two, one...
2303
01:43:33,874 --> 01:43:35,876
BOTH: I wish I had
my old life back!
2304
01:43:36,460 --> 01:43:39,213
MITCH: Bingo! DAVE: Nice!
Let's go, this way!
2305
01:43:39,380 --> 01:43:40,848
I'm peeing all over people,
slow down!
2306
01:43:41,006 --> 01:43:42,223
WOMAN: Watch it!
2307
01:43:42,341 --> 01:43:43,558
MITCH: Excuse me,
I'm sorry. Pardon me.
2308
01:43:46,971 --> 01:43:49,599
(ALL MURMURING)
2309
01:43:53,728 --> 01:43:54,729
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2310
01:43:59,316 --> 01:44:02,160
(BABY CRYING)
2311
01:44:12,705 --> 01:44:13,706
Oh, my God.
2312
01:44:17,585 --> 01:44:19,383
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
2313
01:44:20,212 --> 01:44:23,307
Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.
2314
01:44:23,382 --> 01:44:25,430
Pumpkin! Pumpkin, I'm back.
2315
01:44:25,593 --> 01:44:27,846
Pumpkin, wake up.
2316
01:44:28,012 --> 01:44:30,265
Can you wake up, baby?
I'm back, I'm back.
2317
01:44:30,431 --> 01:44:33,355
Oh, my God, I missed you so much.
Oh, honey.
2318
01:44:33,517 --> 01:44:35,440
Okay, I owe you an
explanation for last night.
2319
01:44:35,603 --> 01:44:37,697
I owe you an apology
for this week.
2320
01:44:38,272 --> 01:44:41,071
And most importantly, I owe you
a fix for the last five years.
2321
01:44:41,233 --> 01:44:42,951
Honey, things are
changing, I promise.
2322
01:44:43,360 --> 01:44:47,115
You and the kids mean everything to me.
Nothing is more important.
2323
01:44:47,281 --> 01:44:49,204
In fact, I'm going
to quit my job.
2324
01:44:49,366 --> 01:44:51,539
I'm going to work today,
I'm going to quit my job.
2325
01:44:51,702 --> 01:44:55,206
I'm going to apply
to Kinko's, all right?
2326
01:44:55,372 --> 01:44:57,716
Or maybe Chick-fil-A or Waffle House?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
2327
01:44:57,875 --> 01:44:59,548
Hold on, just a second.
Foot Locker?
2328
01:44:59,710 --> 01:45:02,213
It is the middle
of the night. Shh.
2329
01:45:03,547 --> 01:45:07,723
All right, I don't know what's
going on with you two dorks.
2330
01:45:08,052 --> 01:45:09,429
That's enough.
2331
01:45:10,304 --> 01:45:11,726
I don't want you
to quit your job.
2332
01:45:11,806 --> 01:45:13,103
What are you
talking about?
2333
01:45:13,265 --> 01:45:16,895
You love your job
and you love the law.
2334
01:45:17,269 --> 01:45:19,271
I love that about you.
2335
01:45:20,231 --> 01:45:21,778
I just want you to
come home for dinner.
2336
01:45:21,941 --> 01:45:23,909
I know.
And Dialogue Night.
2337
01:45:24,401 --> 01:45:25,994
And to see the kids.
2338
01:45:28,072 --> 01:45:29,995
And I want you
to want to be here.
2339
01:45:30,157 --> 01:45:32,910
I do. You have no idea.
2340
01:45:35,329 --> 01:45:37,252
You don't have
to get all, like,
2341
01:45:37,331 --> 01:45:38,753
"I'm going
to quit my job."
2342
01:45:40,209 --> 01:45:42,086
(BABY RESUMES CRYING)
2343
01:45:42,461 --> 01:45:44,179
It's my turn.
No, no, no.
2344
01:45:44,338 --> 01:45:45,806
Back to bed.
They're mine.
2345
01:45:47,967 --> 01:45:51,016
I love you.
2346
01:45:53,848 --> 01:45:55,100
Hi!
2347
01:45:55,933 --> 01:45:57,776
Look who's up.
2348
01:45:57,935 --> 01:45:59,312
Good morning.
2349
01:45:59,478 --> 01:46:01,276
Hi, my little man.
2350
01:46:04,024 --> 01:46:06,823
(LAUGHING) And how are you
this morning, little princess?
2351
01:46:07,778 --> 01:46:09,280
Good morning.
2352
01:46:10,114 --> 01:46:11,491
How was your sleep?
2353
01:46:11,657 --> 01:46:13,284
Yeah, I know.
2354
01:46:13,450 --> 01:46:14,667
Okay, she's first.
2355
01:46:14,827 --> 01:46:16,670
She's a little
bit more vocal.
2356
01:46:16,829 --> 01:46:17,830
Right?
2357
01:46:18,205 --> 01:46:20,674
Are you trying to tell me
you've got a little surprise?
2358
01:46:21,458 --> 01:46:23,005
Did you make me
something special?
2359
01:46:23,168 --> 01:46:24,169
Daddy.
2360
01:46:24,628 --> 01:46:27,973
Hi, sugarbug,
come here.
2361
01:46:29,884 --> 01:46:31,511
Give me a hug, sweetie.
2362
01:46:32,469 --> 01:46:33,641
(GROANS) Good morning.
2363
01:46:34,889 --> 01:46:36,891
You smell like a pillow.
2364
01:46:37,057 --> 01:46:40,186
Stay here, talk to me.
Sit on that chair.
2365
01:46:40,352 --> 01:46:41,399
Tell me about school.
2366
01:46:41,478 --> 01:46:43,321
I want to know what you
learned yesterday, okay?
2367
01:46:43,480 --> 01:46:44,823
And I want
to hear everything.
2368
01:46:45,316 --> 01:46:49,162
Did you know that atoms are
smaller than a grain of sand?
2369
01:46:49,320 --> 01:46:50,742
How amazing is that?
2370
01:46:50,905 --> 01:46:51,906
So amazing!
2371
01:46:52,072 --> 01:46:55,201
And everything on this
planet is made out of atoms.
2372
01:46:55,367 --> 01:46:57,836
Which is kind
of strange
2373
01:46:57,995 --> 01:47:01,044
because I think that means that
I'm the same as a piece of fruit
2374
01:47:01,206 --> 01:47:02,503
or a fish
2375
01:47:02,666 --> 01:47:04,168
or this chair!
2376
01:47:18,974 --> 01:47:20,100
(GASPS)
2377
01:47:26,649 --> 01:47:29,823
I'm me. God, I'm me.
Thank you. Thank you.
2378
01:47:29,985 --> 01:47:32,283
God, look at that.
Gorgeous!
2379
01:47:32,738 --> 01:47:34,365
God, it's so good
to be back!
2380
01:47:34,740 --> 01:47:35,832
Oh, yeah.
2381
01:47:35,991 --> 01:47:37,038
Welcome home.
I missed you.
2382
01:47:37,201 --> 01:47:40,626
Look at that,
two perfectly shorn balls.
2383
01:47:40,996 --> 01:47:42,122
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
2384
01:47:45,626 --> 01:47:46,878
(ZIPPING UP)
2385
01:47:49,171 --> 01:47:50,172
Hi.
2386
01:47:53,008 --> 01:47:55,431
I left my purse.
I would have called but...
2387
01:47:55,594 --> 01:47:57,187
But you left your
phone in your purse.
2388
01:47:57,346 --> 01:47:59,314
Yeah.
Right.
2389
01:47:59,473 --> 01:48:03,023
I just wanted to apologize,
because I know
2390
01:48:03,185 --> 01:48:07,190
that I probably came off a
little aggressive last night,
2391
01:48:07,356 --> 01:48:09,450
and I just
wanted to say sorry.
2392
01:48:11,735 --> 01:48:12,736
No.
2393
01:48:12,903 --> 01:48:15,076
Don't apologize.
I apologize.
2394
01:48:15,239 --> 01:48:17,287
I probably came off
a little gay last night.
2395
01:48:17,950 --> 01:48:21,045
I hope you will allow me the opportunity
to straighten things out for you.
2396
01:48:21,203 --> 01:48:23,581
Hey, guess what?
It's breakfast time.
2397
01:48:23,747 --> 01:48:24,748
Do you want to
get some breakfast?
2398
01:48:26,083 --> 01:48:27,084
Yeah.
2399
01:48:27,167 --> 01:48:28,168
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
2400
01:48:31,005 --> 01:48:33,599
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here in the sight of God
2401
01:48:33,757 --> 01:48:36,180
to unite this man and
this woman in the...
2402
01:48:36,260 --> 01:48:37,512
(TIRES SCREECH)
2403
01:48:44,768 --> 01:48:46,645
Mitch, you came.
2404
01:48:46,812 --> 01:48:48,314
I'm very, very touched.
Thank you.
2405
01:48:48,564 --> 01:48:49,565
You're welcome, Dad.
2406
01:48:50,607 --> 01:48:51,608
Ooh!
2407
01:48:51,692 --> 01:48:53,660
Fuck me!
This must be my new mom.
2408
01:48:53,819 --> 01:48:55,287
Hi, Mitch Planko.
2409
01:48:55,446 --> 01:48:57,039
Good. Thank you.
2410
01:48:57,197 --> 01:48:58,414
She's holding onto me.
2411
01:48:58,490 --> 01:49:00,208
Okay, good, let go.
2412
01:49:00,367 --> 01:49:02,836
Keep away from him.
The man's a pervert.
2413
01:49:07,958 --> 01:49:11,508
ALL: Happy anniversary,
Jamie and Dave!
2414
01:49:16,467 --> 01:49:18,469
For those of you who don't know
me, my name is Mitch Planko.
2415
01:49:18,635 --> 01:49:21,013
I was that nut sack's
best man 10 years ago.
2416
01:49:21,096 --> 01:49:22,097
Here we go.
2417
01:49:22,181 --> 01:49:26,231
When we were kids, Dave and I,
we had a lot of big plans.
2418
01:49:26,393 --> 01:49:28,771
Dave, he was going
to be an astronaut,
2419
01:49:28,937 --> 01:49:32,987
and I was going to sell
dolphins on the black market.
2420
01:49:33,150 --> 01:49:34,242
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(SCOFFS) Astronaut!
2421
01:49:34,651 --> 01:49:36,870
There's a reason I'm
not selling dolphins.
2422
01:49:37,279 --> 01:49:40,032
We live in Atlanta,
they're tough to find.
2423
01:49:40,199 --> 01:49:43,248
And those things,
they don't sleep,
2424
01:49:43,410 --> 01:49:45,208
which also makes it
real hard to catch them.
2425
01:49:46,371 --> 01:49:48,624
But I think
that we all know
2426
01:49:48,791 --> 01:49:52,466
that life doesn't always turn
out exactly how you plan it.
2427
01:49:52,711 --> 01:49:54,463
Sometimes,
2428
01:49:54,630 --> 01:49:56,177
just sometimes,
2429
01:49:56,340 --> 01:49:57,683
it turns out better.
2430
01:49:58,425 --> 01:49:59,768
Dave, /think
there's a reason
2431
01:49:59,843 --> 01:50:01,845
that you're not wa/king
on the moon right now.
2432
01:50:02,304 --> 01:50:04,602
It's because you belong here,
2433
01:50:05,432 --> 01:50:07,025
in your life,
2434
01:50:07,184 --> 01:50:09,357
with that incredible woman
sitting beside you.
2435
01:50:14,149 --> 01:50:17,528
Can we please raise
our Kamikaze shots
2436
01:50:17,611 --> 01:50:19,158
to my two best friends,
please?
2437
01:50:20,697 --> 01:50:21,698
To Dave and Jamie.
2438
01:50:21,865 --> 01:50:23,708
ALL: Dave and Jamie!
2439
01:50:23,867 --> 01:50:25,210
Happy anniversary.
2440
01:50:25,369 --> 01:50:27,622
ALL: Happy anniversary!
2441
01:50:31,375 --> 01:50:33,377
How did I do?
You're such a poet.
2442
01:50:33,544 --> 01:50:35,217
You're Robert Frost.
Who?
2443
01:50:35,379 --> 01:50:36,972
It doesn't matter.
God, you're good looking.
2444
01:50:37,047 --> 01:50:38,048
Yeah.
2445
01:50:38,132 --> 01:50:39,805
I'm going to meet you in five minutes.
All right.
2446
01:50:39,967 --> 01:50:41,014
Okay.
2447
01:50:42,636 --> 01:50:43,888
I took care
of you guys, huh?
2448
01:50:45,055 --> 01:50:46,056
We love you.
2449
01:50:46,557 --> 01:50:47,774
Oh... (LAUGHS)
2450
01:50:48,058 --> 01:50:49,310
Come on. Really?
2451
01:50:50,727 --> 01:50:52,525
Hey, buddy.
I love you.
2452
01:50:52,688 --> 01:50:53,985
I love you, man.
2453
01:50:55,566 --> 01:50:57,489
How are things going
at home? Good?
2454
01:50:57,901 --> 01:51:00,575
Yeah. I mean, come on.
2455
01:51:00,737 --> 01:51:03,866
Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
It's fantastic.
2456
01:51:04,032 --> 01:51:05,249
Good.
Yeah.
2457
01:51:05,409 --> 01:51:06,911
What about you?
What about Sabrina?
2458
01:51:07,369 --> 01:51:11,215
Good. It's good.
We're taking things slow, but it's good.
2459
01:51:16,003 --> 01:51:17,596
Is it weird that
I miss your penis?
2460
01:51:18,088 --> 01:51:20,341
Come on. It would be
weird if you didn't.
2461
01:51:20,424 --> 01:51:23,223
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
2462
01:51:24,136 --> 01:51:25,683
(INAUDIBLE)
2463
01:51:55,042 --> 01:51:56,715
JAMIE: What are we doing here?
2464
01:51:56,793 --> 01:51:59,797
We're doing this.
2465
01:52:00,547 --> 01:52:01,639
Huh?
2466
01:52:02,007 --> 01:52:04,101
A little treat
from Uncle Mitch.
2467
01:52:04,176 --> 01:52:05,644
Do you remember
how to do this?
2468
01:52:06,803 --> 01:52:08,805
(LAUGHING) okay.
2469
01:52:10,432 --> 01:52:11,649
Oh.
2470
01:52:17,064 --> 01:52:18,316
I know.
Mmm.
2471
01:52:21,860 --> 01:52:23,237
(COUGHING)
2472
01:52:24,696 --> 01:52:26,243
it's fun,
though, right?
2473
01:52:28,909 --> 01:52:30,661
Yay! Let's go look at some fish.
2474
01:52:30,744 --> 01:52:31,791
Okay.
2475
01:52:32,329 --> 01:52:33,751
MITCH: Oh, God!
2476
01:52:33,997 --> 01:52:35,294
(BOTH MOANING)
2477
01:52:35,374 --> 01:52:37,001
(MITCH EXCLAIMING)
2478
01:52:37,084 --> 01:52:38,552
SABRINA: Oh, my God!
2479
01:52:38,627 --> 01:52:40,254
Ow! What the hell was that? Oh.
2480
01:52:40,337 --> 01:52:41,634
Explain yourself!
2481
01:52:42,297 --> 01:52:43,924
You've never heard
of the Bryant Gumbel?
2482
01:52:45,509 --> 01:52:46,681
(PANTING) Let's do
that again.
2483
01:52:46,760 --> 01:52:48,353
(SABRINA GIGGLING)
2484
01:52:56,353 --> 01:52:57,696
Why?
2485
01:53:05,529 --> 01:53:08,658
Mitch sent us a video.
Yeah? That's weird.
2486
01:53:12,244 --> 01:53:14,372
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
2487
01:53:16,581 --> 01:53:17,958
No entry!
2488
01:53:24,881 --> 01:53:27,475
Steve Driver,
you perfect bastard, you!
2489
01:53:27,551 --> 01:53:28,552
(UNZIPPING)
2490
01:53:28,760 --> 01:53:30,387
(MONA EXCLAIMING)
2491
01:53:30,929 --> 01:53:32,021
Oh, no.
2492
01:53:32,723 --> 01:53:36,648
Oh, Steve, it's like
Christmas in my ass!
2493
01:53:36,727 --> 01:53:38,104
What are you doing
with my wife, man?
2494
01:53:38,228 --> 01:53:40,447
DAVE: Dimitri?
VALTAN: Hey, join the fuck party.
2495
01:53:40,522 --> 01:53:43,401
Let's make lady sandwich.
Okay.
2496
01:53:44,860 --> 01:53:47,363
Oh, my God.
Not very well made, huh?
2497
01:53:47,904 --> 01:53:50,828
When was that shot? Who Knows?
Probably years ago.
2498
01:53:52,617 --> 01:53:55,962
"Thank you for covering me last week.
Love what you did with my hair."
2499
01:53:56,038 --> 01:53:57,130
Hey!
2500
01:53:57,247 --> 01:53:58,248
(JAMIE GASPS)
(CLATTERING)
2501
01:54:00,792 --> 01:54:02,294
You got with a man?
2502
01:54:04,129 --> 01:54:07,258
Dimitri was surprisingly
gentle, and we were very safe.
2503
01:54:07,591 --> 01:54:08,558
Uh-huh.
2504
01:54:08,633 --> 01:54:10,135
He smelt a little
like lamb, though.
2505
01:54:10,552 --> 01:54:13,726
That pooper shot looked real.
No. God, please, don't!
2506
01:54:13,805 --> 01:54:15,557
It did.
Oh, God.
2507
01:54:15,640 --> 01:54:17,108
Dave?
What?
2508
01:54:17,726 --> 01:54:19,319
Can you change my oil?
2509
01:54:19,394 --> 01:54:21,021
(CHUCKLING)
No, I can't!
2510
01:54:21,104 --> 01:54:23,323
I'm gonna cut my thumbs off
tomorrow, I swear to God.
2511
01:54:23,398 --> 01:54:26,902
And we're gonna destroy that thing
first thing in the morning. Okay?
2512
01:54:26,985 --> 01:54:28,578
I don't want you to.
I like it.
2513
01:54:28,653 --> 01:54:32,328
Hey, hey! Oh!
It's growing in so nicely.
2514
01:54:32,407 --> 01:54:35,786
Yeah.
Real in-between phase.
2515
01:54:36,328 --> 01:54:38,296
It's like Sonny Crockett
down there.
168612
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