Original subtitles

(gentle piano music)

- [Woman] Last night, I had the strangest dream.

I dreamed I was in bed with you

and I heard this loud ticking.

I looked all around for a clock,

but I couldn't find one anywhere.

- [Dan] What was it?

- It was you.

(gentle music)

(stairs creaking)

(footsteps pattering)

(gasping)

Stop it!

Stop it!

Bastard.

(woman grunts)

- [Man] You inflicted some serious collateral damage, Dan.

(loud crash) (groaning)

(loud crash)

- [Woman] Oh, Jesus, no.

Dan, jeez, are you okay?

Help me, somebody!

Anybody!

- [Man] Not to mention attempted murder of a suspect.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Jesus, no, please, no!

Somebody stop him!

- [Man] And assaulting a fellow officer.

- Dan, Dan! - God, no!

- Dan, come on--

(loud thud)

- [Man] I thought they were gonna put the old burning tire

around your neck and set you off to float

down the river in Ganges. (siren wails)

(suspenseful music)

(gun clicks)

(gentle music)

("Made Out of Steel" by Spanic Boys)

♪ You were made out of steel

(radio buzzing)

- Are you worried about the coming ice age?

Do you feel that world events are spinning out of control?

Have you got personal or financial problems?

Do small children laugh at you on the street?

Me too.

So call me up and let's talk it out together.

I see we have our first call.

Hello, you're on the air.

- [Vivian] Hi, Dr. Edwards.

I really love your show.

My name is Vivian.

- Hello, Eileen, how are you tonight?

- [Vivian] Uh, Vivian.

I'm not so good.

My husband divorced me and took my children.

- Oh.

- [Vivian] My family was my life.

Now, I have no reason to get up in the morning.

- Veronica, you ever heard that old saying,

"Today's the first day of the rest of your life"?

- Uh, Vivian, yeah. - Well, forget it, Vicky,

because things can only get better.

Today is the worst day of the rest of your life, am I right?

- Wrong Dr. Edwards.

This is the worst day of the rest of your life.

♪ KSAV

- Well, I'll tell you that's his last broadcast

on my radio station.

You know, it's dumbfounding to me

that this close to Los Angeles,

I can't find a psychologist who can talk on radio.

- [Claire] I can do more than talk, Mr. McGill.

- Well, I'm sure, Doctor.

I gave a listen to your audition tape.

You have a great deal of potential.

- [Claire] Why don't you call me Claire?

And I'll call you Chuck, okay?

- First name basis, that's good.

Audience likes to be known on a first name basis.

I should know, I started as a disc jockey.

- [Claire] Oh, I'm not surprised.

You have a wonderful voice.

- Well, it takes more than a voice to launch a radio career.

Takes something where you can grab the audience.

They need something to identify with.

- What exactly did you have in mind, Chuck?

- I need something I can syndicate,

put this radio station on the map.

- Well, my background is primarily

in the area of human sexuality.

- I'm listening.

- I was the head of a program

at the Neurology Institute in Los Angeles

where I conducted a series of experiments

documenting the link between sex and violence.

- Good, very good.

I like that.

- I'm not going to exploit it, Chuck.

I wanna make your listeners aware

of the biochemical changes in their bodies

and how that affects them

so they can better learn to accept themselves.

- Claire, that's what bothers me.

Biochemical changes.

- It's just chemistry, Chuck.

Simple body chemistry.

The right combination of stimuli can be pleasurable.

Wrong combination, painful.

That's all.

- Here then, my dear,

is to the right chemistry.

("Made Out of Steel" by Spanic Boys)

(crowd cheering)

(footsteps pattering)

(high-pitched screech)

(loud thudding)

(knocking)

- There's no sleeping on the sides of these roads, sir.

- Yeah, sorry.

I guess I just conked out last night.

- I'm a need to see your license and your registration.

- Yeah, sure.

- Dan Pearson?

Danimal Pearson?!

(laughs)

It's been a while!

I was just a freshman scrub on the team

when you were all-state and we took the title.

Oh, man!

You were a stinger, baby!

I remember one time you were supposed to take the QB,

you stayed at home and you waited,

he pitched it out to the wide receiver, he came around,

you spied him, and then out of nowhere, bam, bam!

That was a great hit!

You stung-- - That was a long time ago.

But you look familiar to me.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah. - All right.

- Listen, I heard you made LAPD.

- I can't work with you, Dan.

I don't trust you.

Frankly, I don't think there's a guy in the entire force

that would ride with you.

- No, you heard wrong.

- [Officer] You're gonna stay around for a visit?

Stay in town for a bit?

- Something like that, yeah.

- Listen, you gotta come by the PM Club.

The guys would love to see you.

Have a drink with them.

They still all remember you.

- Yeah, maybe I will.

But listen, I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention

to anybody that I'm back just yet.

Take a few days to just get settled in.

- Oh, yeah. - You know what I mean?

- Oh, of course.

No, I won't say nothing, Dan.

It's just good seeing you.

Thanks for the memories, man.

You were a stinger.

I'll see you.

(gentle guitar music)

(gentle piano music)

- I know some of you may be shy.

After all, it's not easy talking about sex,

especially with a stranger.

But I want you to think about it like this:

The act of talking and listening

is very much like the act of sex itself.

One person is giving.

The other, receiving.

The sexiest spot of the human anatomy

is not between the legs.

It's between the ears.

Before you can turn on your body,

you have to be able to turn on your mind.

So I want you to open your mind

to your deepest, most secret thoughts and call me.

1-800-SEXTALK.

(phone ringing)

- Well, I'll be damned.

- [Claire] Our first call is Glenn.

Hi, Glenn, you're on the air with Dr. Archer.

- [Glenn] Hello?

Can you hear me?

- [Claire] Yes, I can hear you, Glenn.

What's on your mind?

- [Glenn] My girlfriend.

- [Claire] What about her?

- [Glenn] We broke up.

- [Claire] Sound like you're in pain.

- [Glenn] I am.

- [Claire] Share your pain with me, Glenn.

- [Glenn] My girlfriend cheated on me.

- How do you know?

- [Glenn] I caught her, and I loved her.

Now, I don't know what to do.

- [Claire] Why do you have to do anything?

- [Glenn] Because it hurt.

- Change causes pain.

- [Glenn] So, how do I get rid of it?

- [Claire] You don't.

You embrace it.

- [Glenn] I don't understand.

- Pain defines pleasure.

If you were always happy, you'd never know it.

Without pain, you're not truly alive.

You're not truly alive.

You're not truly alive.

(tense orchestral music)

(loud crash)

- [Brenda] Bye, Daddy!

(ignition screeching)

- [Dispatcher] We got a stalled car on Wilcox.

Anyone in the area?

- Yeah, this is 804, I'll take it.

What's the address?

- [Dispatcher] 1111 Wilcox.

- I'm on my way.

- Oh my god.

Dan.

- Hey, Brenda.

- What are you doing here?

- [Dan] I'm giving you a tow.

- Well, don't I get a hug?

- Kinda greasy.

- How long have you been back?

- Uh, couple weeks.

- How come you didn't come to see me?

- I was going to, but then I got kind of busy, you know?

Moving into the old house, reopening my dad's garage.

- So you're back for good?

- Well, I'm back.

- What happened to LA?

- Listen, you got an electrical problem.

I'm gonna have to take this in.

- Oh, uh...

- Need a ride somewhere?

- Well, yeah, I was on my way to work.

- Jump in.

I'll pick this up later.

(sighs)

- Dan, look.

Bet you don't even remember the last time we were here.

- Prom night, senior year.

- Come on.

(elegant orchestral music)

Come on.

- [Dan] Wow.

This feels weird.

- Doesn't it?

It's like we're walking into a dream.

- Or a graveyard.

(crowd cheering) (loud thud)

(loud thud) - Hey, dream boy.

(loud thud) (groans)

Is it halftime already?

It's hard to believe we actually made out under here, huh?

- Call that making out?

- Well, yeah, I mean, we kissed and stuff.

- That's about all.

You hardly let me touch you.

- Well, that was a long time ago.

- Yeah, it was.

(gentle music)

(footsteps pattering)

(moaning)

(loud thud) (groans)

- Dan?

(sighs)

What happened to you in LA, Dan?

- Nothing happened.

- Then why did you come back here?

- Heard there was a house that needed haunting.

- Oh.

Do you ever think about me?

- Yeah, I think of you a lot, but I wanna take this slow.

Just sit with it for a while.

(chuckles)

- Aren't I the one who's supposed to be saying that?

- Welcome to the '90s.

- Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad you're back.

- Me too.

- Night.

- Night.

- I never realized there were so many perverts out there.

(laughs)

Can you imagine what she'll do in LA?

(loud buzz)

Listen-- - I'm sorry, Mr. McGill,

but Mr. Larabee says it's urgent.

- This woman is a killer. (loud buzz)

- [Receptionist] He says it's about Dr. Archer.

- Gene, I'll have to call you back.

Hello.

- [John] Mr. McGill?

- [Charles] This is Charles McGill speaking.

- [John] My name is John Larabee.

I have a problem that might interest you.

- Mr. Larabee, we have a Dr. Archer here

who's on the air from nine until one o'clock

and she handles special problems.

Perhaps you should give her a call, huh?

(John chuckles)

- [John] Your Dr. Archer is the problem.

- No, it's not normal.

It's exceptional.

Why would you wanna be like everybody else?

Be proud of who you are and forget about the rest.

- [Lisa] But what about--

- Thank you for your call, Lisa.

And we'll be right back with another call after this.

- Claire, how could you do that?

- What are you talking about?

- You cut her off.

- The call was over.

I solved her problem.

- But you may have been finished, but the call wasn't over.

And her problem was not that she'd had an affair

with a woman, it was that she cheated on her husband.

- Brenda, this is my show, remember?

People call because they wanna hear what I have to say.

They don't want your advice,

and come to think of it, neither do I.

(button clicks)

Hi, Leslie, you're on the air with Dr. Archer.

(knocking)

- Hey, Doc, nice show, very nice.

I especially liked it when you were talking to that guy

who had a stack of girly magazines.

I mean, after all, no shame in a little self-love, right?

- Right!

- Well, take it easy, Doc.

Oh, by the way, Big Chuckles wants to see you

in his office right away.

- Okay.

Chuck, you wanted to see me?

- Yeah, sit down, take a load off.

Get you a drink?

- No. Thank you.

- You know, I always meant to ask you,

what's a major league lady like you

doing in a triple-A town like this?

(chuckles)

- What's the difference?

I'm here.

- Ah, the difference is will you stay here?

See, I think you could be big-time.

I think you could go places, coast-to-coast.

- Well, you know I'd like that.

- Then why don't you level with me?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- People like you don't live in a town like this.

You're either born here or you fail here.

You weren't born here.

- Look, Chuck, my private life is my own business.

- Let me tell you something, Claire,

I don't give a flying fuck up a running squirrel's ass

about your private life, but this is business.

I suggest you reread your contract,

check the indemnity clauses.

- Is that a threat?

- Syndication's a rough game.

Lot of strings have to be pulled.

Lot of milk gets spilled.

I don't want a mess.

- No mess.

This is Dr. Claire Archer and I'm back with Karen.

What's on your mind, Karen?

- [Karen] Well, first, I wanted to say

how much I like your show.

I never miss it.

I think it's wonderful how you help so many people.

- [Claire] Well, thank you.

That's always nice to hear.

Do you have a problem?

- [Karen] I'm beginning to think so.

Two weeks ago, I started sleeping with my boss.

- KSAV advice line.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

- [Dan] Yes.

- What's your name?

- [Dan] John.

- John, what do you wanna talk to Dr. Archer about?

- [Dan] Do I have to tell you?

- Well, it will help you get on the air.

- [Dan] Okay.

(tense music)

Rough sex.

- I'm sorry, John,

you're gonna have to speak up a little bit.

- [Dan] Rough sex.

- I think we have time for one more call.

John, you're on the air.

John, are you there?

- [Dan] Yeah.

- What's on your mind?

- [Dan] Uh...

Men who hurt women.

- Hurt them how?

- [Dan] With their hands, with their fists

while they're loving them.

- Do you know someone like this?

- [Dan] Yeah, me.

- And how long have you been this way?

- [Dan] I've always had a violent temper,

but it's never got this way before.

- Before what?

- [Dan] Before I lost my job.

- And what kind of job was that?

(sighs)

John, are you still there?

- [Dan] I'm here.

- [Claire] Do you want to change?

- [Dan] Yes.

- [Claire] Why?

- [Dan] I've met someone that I care for.

- So what's the problem?

- [Dan] I can't touch her.

I can't even kiss her.

- Why not?

- [Dan] I'm afraid I'll break her.

- John, I'd like to help you,

but I'm afraid we're almost out of time,

so I'm going to ask you to stay on the line

while I put you on hold and after the sign off,

I'll come back and give you a special number to call, okay?

- [Dan] Yeah.

- Until tomorrow, this is Dr. Claire Archer.

Remember, pain defines pleasure.

If you were always happy, you'd never know it.

Without pain, you're not truly alive.

(button clicks)

John, are you still there?

John?

Brenda, you're still here.

- I'm waiting for my ride.

- Hey, listen, I wanted to apologize about the other night.

You had a problem and I should've been

more receptive to you.

- It's not me you need to be receptive to, Claire,

it's the callers.

Those people are not just voices on the phone.

They are people and they need help.

- You don't think I help them?

- I think you entertain them.

- Well, I try to do both.

You see, people aren't gonna--

- Here's my ride.

- Sorry, I'm late.

I fell asleep.

- It's all right.

- Hi, Dan Pearson.

- Claire Archer.

- Oh, yeah, right, I've heard you on the radio.

- Sorry, but don't I know you?

- Uh, don't think so.

- Seem awfully familiar to me.

- Dan runs a garage on Main Street.

- Oh, no, I've never been there before.

Well, I must be getting you confused with somebody else.

It was nice meeting you, Dan.

- Me too.

(gentle music)

(soft rock music)

- [Man] Hey, Helen, could I get a little more coffee?

Thanks.

- [Woman] There you go.

- You Larabee?

Let's talk.

- Did you bring the cashier's check, Mr. McGill?

- Yeah, I brought it.

- It's okay.

I'm gonna need your signature.

(Chuck chuckles)

- What the hell is this?

- It's my standard contract.

Retaining me to investigate Dr. Archer, do a credit report.

- Credit report, I like that.

That's a much prettier word than blackmail, Larabee.

- Do you wanna do business or what?

Okay.

And here.

And here.

If you could just initial the box.

- Oh, for Christ's sake.

- Thanks.

- Now, tell me what this shit is all about.

- What this shit is all about

is that your radio star killed a man.

- What?

- A man she was fucking.

(ominous music)

- Dan?

- What can I do for you?

- Change the oil?

- Well, we got a full lube for 19.95

or I can just change the oil for 12.95.

- Well, why don't we see how you do with the oil first

and then maybe we can work up to the full lube.

(bubbling)

- Oh, shit.

- [Claire] Well, it's a good thing I didn't ask

for the full lube, isn't it, Dan?

Or should I call you John?

- [Dan] How'd you know it was me?

- I'm a very good listener and I never forget a voice.

- Brenda doesn't know.

I'd like to keep it that way.

Okay?

- Dan, if we're going to begin a professional relationship,

you're gonna have to trust me.

Anything that you say to me

will be held in the strictest of confidence.

You said on the phone

that you had always had a violent temper.

(loud thud) (groans)

- That's right.

- But you found socially acceptable ways of expressing it.

(loud thud) (groans)

- Yeah.

- Like? (loud thud)

- When I was in high school, I played football.

- Did you win?

- Sometimes.

But I didn't really care about winning.

All I cared about was seeing how many guys

I could take out of the game.

- And after high school?

- I went into the police academy.

- Did you like that?

- Yeah, I liked it.

- Why?

- I liked the feeling of power.

(gun firing)

I liked it even better than football.

(gun firing)

Better than sex.

(gun fires)

- So, when did the sex turn violent?

- When I was suspended from the force.

- Have you ever considered therapy?

(gentle music)

- What, lie down on the couch and tell you my dreams?

- Wasn't exactly what I had in mind,

but dreams are always a good place to start.

- What's this?

- I think I can help you, Dan, but you'd have to let go.

- Let go of what?

- Everything.

(footsteps pattering)

- Hello?

Who's there? - It's me, Daddy.

- Ah, Brenda.

Uh, who's that with you?

- You remember Dan Pearson, don't you?

- Hi, Mr. Foster.

- Uh, yeah, Dan!

How was the dance?

- The dance?

- Sometimes, he thinks I'm still in high school.

- [Mr. Foster] Did you have a good time?

- Did we?

- Had a great time.

- [Mr. Foster] I bet my Brenda was the prettiest girl there.

- Daddy.

- She was. - I knew it!

- Dad, Dan was a perfect gentleman.

- Well, of course he was.

You think I would trust just anybody with my only daughter?

You better marry him before it's too late.

- Daddy, it's late.

It's time for bed, okay?

Let's go.

You all right?

I'll be right back.

- Oh.

Goodnight, Dan.

- [Dan] Goodnight, Mr. Foster.

- Be good to my little girl.

- [Brenda] Okay, you okay, Dad?

- I'll try.

♪ And if time could go backwards ♪

♪ I wouldn't be lonely

♪ Playing back scenes bound to keep me awake ♪

♪ And if time could go backwards ♪

(moaning) ♪ We'd both just get younger

♪ Do what we wanted with none of the ache ♪

(moaning)

(loud thud)

- [Claire] Hi, this is Dr. Claire Archer.

Please leave your message at the sound of the beep.

(phone beeps) - Uh, yeah, it's me.

Listen, I've been thinking about what you said

and I guess I have a few dreams that could use talking out.

So, I guess I'll call you later.

(ominous music)

Hi.

- Hi.

- Not many doctors make house calls these days.

- Call me old-fashioned.

Make yourself at home.

This is your house, after all.

- Not really.

Not anymore.

- I saw your room.

Everything you are is right up there.

- No, I'm not the kid that lived there.

- [Claire] No?

He's in there somewhere.

- [Dan] Yeah, I think he could use a drink.

How about you?

- [Claire] Sure.

(gentle music)

- What's that?

- Our contract.

- A contract?

What for?

- Nothing to be afraid of.

Contract is a metaphor.

Metaphor with teeth.

- I don't understand.

(chuckles)

- What's this? - Just sign it.

- Surprised you don't want my signature in blood.

(Claire chuckles)

- No, blood comes later.

- What are you doing?

- [Claire] Setting you free.

- By tying me up?

- That's right.

See, you're helpless,

so you're free from any responsibility.

- Responsibility for what?

- For yourself.

Your feelings.

Your desires.

For your dreams.

Trust me.

- Do I have a choice?

- [Claire] No.

Your body has been shaped, trained, and disciplined

for 20 or more years for the sole purpose of hurting others.

Poor thing. (moaning)

Whatever it is that has come to you, let them in.

(moaning)

Open your eyes!

(woman groans)

Open your eyes!

(loud slap)

(groaning)

Have you ever told anyone that you hate your father?

- I loved my father.

(chuckles)

- Come on, Dan, no lies here.

You loved your father about as much

as you love me right now.

- All right.

He was mean and stupid.

Big deal.

Lot of guys have fucked up parents.

- Did he hit you or just push you too hard?

- Yeah, he hit me every now and then.

- Do you miss it?

- What?

- [Claire] Tell the truth, Dan.

You really like it.

- Look, lady, I'm no freak.

- Freak?

No, you're the boy next door.

The boy most likely to succeed.

The boy most likely to take a rifle

and start sniping at cars on the freeway.

(loud slap)

Severe parental discipline.

Forced body contact sports.

Repressed homosexuality.

It's the oldest story in the book.

Go ahead, make my day.

- What are you doing to me?

- Helping you be you.

- But you were supposed to help me be somebody else,

somebody better, somebody normal.

- [Brenda] Dan?

Dan.

Dan?

Are you all right?

- [Dan] Uh, Brenda.

Yeah.

- Oh. - Yeah, I'm fine.

Um.

No, it's just, just...

It was so hot last night

and I've been having the strangest dream.

- Well, you are the ghost of the house.

I guess you can haunt it any way you like.

I just came by to see if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee

before you went into work.

- Sure.

Just let me take a shower, okay?

- Okay. - Give me five minutes.

- [Brenda] Sure.

(ominous music)

- Gene, for Christ's sake, will you stop worrying?

She and I got an ironclad contract.

It's signed in blood, (chuckles) her blood.

Yeah.

Dr. Claire Archer is now a wholly owned subsidiary

of Big Chuck, Inc.

(laughs)

All right, friend.

Gotcha!

(knocking)

(clapping)

Congratulations, Dr. Archer.

I don't believe I've seen as dramatic a performance

since the last time I saw

Naughty Naja in Inga the Animal Lover.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- You mean to tell me you've never had sex

in front of a camera?

- Well, I said that I had done some research

into the relationship between sex and violence

on a neuronal level.

It did require some video documentation, yes.

(chuckles)

- Video documentation, kind of a nature film, huh?

That was Academy Award stuff.

And your co-star, he had such magnificent,

what they call, screen presence.

Whatever happened to him?

- He died.

- Little wonder.

Three bullets to the chest and lung region

has a way of (chuckles) punching your E-ticket

for that big ride to the sky, doesn't it?

- Look, Chuck, it was self-defense.

I had no choice.

- I don't particularly give a shit

if you're guilty or innocent.

But I'm telling you,

if this video ever makes it to the airwaves, you're through.

- You can't do that.

- Oh, I can, Claire.

- What do you want?

- I've taken the liberty of making a few changes

in our contract,

minor things about copyright ownership,

syndication, little things like that.

(Brenda chuckles)

- [Dan] Whatever happened to Cheryl Remboski?

- [Brenda] Six kids happened.

- No. - Yeah.

Remember, nobody could get near her in school.

- [Dan] No, not a chance.

- Well, apparently, she made up for it later.

(Dan chuckles)

Oh, and James Allen, do you remember him?

President of the science club.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He still lives here.

- Yeah? - Yeah, he's a pharmacist

at the drug store.

- [Dan] Oh.

- Should go and see him someday.

It would blow him away.

- Yeah, well, I never spoke to him at school.

- [Brenda] That's why it would blow him away.

Look at how we looked.

- [Dan] Do you remember this?

- How did you get this?

(laughs) No.

- You were a brazen hussy back then.

- Yeah? - Mm.

- Well, I still am.

(gentle music)

(panting)

(phone ringing)

(Brenda sighs)

(Dan sighs)

- Hello. - Dan, it's Claire.

- Uh, sorry, the garage is closed for the night.

- [Claire] I think somebody followed me home.

- Excuse me?

- [Claire] There's somebody trying to break into my house.

(Dan sighs)

- How can I help you?

- [Claire] Can you come over, please?

- Well, like I said, garage is closed for the evening.

Why don't you try back in the morning.

- [Claire] Please, Dan, I'm scared.

He's in the house, I know he is.

I can hear him.

- Sounds like you need a cop, not a mechanic.

- [Claire] I thought you were a cop.

- [Dan] I'll have the tow truck there in 10 minutes.

(Dan sighs)

Um, there's been an accident.

I better go.

- Oh, was anybody hurt?

- I don't know.

I hope not.

You wanna wait for me?

(Brenda chuckles)

- Yeah, um, it's late and I need to get home

and check on my dad.

(Brenda exhales loudly)

(sighs)

(suspenseful music)

- Glad you could tear yourself away.

What took you so long?

- Get away from me.

- Still got that hair-trigger temper, huh, Dan?

I guess our therapy hasn't been

a hundred percent effective yet.

How about a pop quiz?

A little test.

That's it, be rational.

Think of Brenda.

Think of responsibility.

You don't want me, do you?

You don't need me, do you?

- No, I don't need you.

- I think you're lying.

(loud splashing)

(gasps)

(coughing)

(laughs)

Yeah.

You're ready for that white picket fence marriage.

No chance of you hurting poor little Brenda now.

You're a new man!

(speaks in foreign language)

Danny boy!

Yeah, another miracle cure.

Take my advice, healing begins with pain.

You just have to walk right through it.

Think we have time for another call.

Caller two, you're on the air.

- [Dan] Hello, Claire.

- Who's this?

- [Dan] Don't you recognize my voice?

- Oh, yes.

Yes, I do.

- [Dan] You sound surprised to hear from me.

- Well, I just didn't expect to hear from you so soon.

For our listeners who may not remember,

you're the man who likes rough sex, right?

- [Dan] Wrong.

I'm the man who wants to end an relationship.

- Are you sure about that?

- [Dan] Oh, yes.

- Then why call me?

- [Dan] Because I don't know how to tell her it's over.

This woman is a sick, desperate individual.

The only way she can feel pleasure

is to inflict pain on herself and the people around her.

She's never been in love.

And no one will ever love her, including me.

- Caller, if this woman is as unstable as you say she is,

there's no telling how she might react to this.

I wouldn't say those things to her if I were you.

- [Dan] Too late.

I just did.

Hey!

Over here!

- You fixed it!

Great!

(handcuffs clicking)

- Christ.

Claire, what are you doing?

(whirring) - Nothing you don't want.

- Bullshit!

How many times I have to tell you, it's over!

- You know what they say,

when a man says no, he really means yes.

- Goddammit.

Claire, dammit, this isn't funny.

- I thought we should have a talk.

- Fine, I'll talk.

Take these off first.

- No, I prefer a captive audience.

- I'm listening.

- You can't stay with Brenda, Dan.

She's not like you.

She'll never understand who you are.

- And you do?

- Yes, I do.

You and I are alike.

- I love Brenda.

- Brenda's a nice girl.

Nice for a moonlit hayride or a sweethearts' dance

or necking behind the gym, but you need something more.

I am something more.

- Whatever I used to want, I don't want anymore.

- Who says you can't have it all?

(ominous music)

- This isn't for me, Claire.

- Oh, yes. - This is for you.

- Oh, yes, it is, Dan.

This woman's for you.

(groaning)

Since you're too weak to make the right choice,

we'll let Brenda make it for you.

- What do you mean?

- She got your sweet note and flower.

She should be here any minute.

- What are you talking about?

- I think when she sees you,

she might wanna find another boy for the hayride.

Say hello to her for me.

- Claire, get back here.

Claire?

Goddammit, Claire!

Goddammit!

(whirring)

(groans)

God.

(car horn honking)

(suspenseful music)

(whirring)

(garage door clacks)

(knocking)

(saw buzzing)

- So the third old guy says,

"Listen, hey, those might look like meatballs,

"but they taste like shit!"

(laughs)

Gene, I'm gonna have to go, all right?

Our radio star just came into my office.

Mm-hm.

I'll check the contract out and get back to you, buddy.

- Contract?

Then it's all settled.

- Coast-to-coast.

Just finishing up by crossing the Ts and dotting the Is.

- Oh, I'm glad.

- Oh, is that right?

- Yes, I've been thinking about it

and I'm really glad that everything worked out

the way it did.

You know, I never had a head for money anyway.

And I'm sure you'll do a much better job

than I ever could have.

- Come on, Claire.

What's the matter with you, are you drunk?

'Cause I'm not letting go on the radio if you are.

- I'm not drunk.

Little flushed maybe.

I don't know what did it,

something about seeing you

or hearing your voice on the telephone,

so cool and firm and strong.

- Cut the shit, Claire.

This is business.

- So?

- So, I don't dip my pen in company ink.

- Think of it this way, it can only deepen our relationship,

build more intimate trust.

If we're going to be partners forever,

don't you think we should

get to know each other a little better?

Why don't you meet me here tonight after my show?

(button clicks)

Let's get back to the phones.

Peggy, you're on the air.

How can I help you?

- [Peggy] It's my boyfriend.

He hates me.

- Why do you say that?

- [Peggy] Because...

Because he beats me up.

- When does he beat you up?

- [Peggy] What do you mean?

- Does he hit you in the bedroom?

- [Peggy] Yeah.

- While you're making love?

- [Peggy] Sometimes.

- Peggy, listen, your boyfriend doesn't hate you.

He loves you.

- [Peggy] Well, why does he hit me?

- Because it's the natural way.

Fighting is linked to sex in many species,

fish, lizards, elk, deer, rabbits,

mink, moose, monkeys, and men.

- [Peggy] I never thought about it that way.

- Yes, well, consider yourself lucky, Peggy.

The male mink often bites

right through the pelt of his lover's neck,

severing all the neck muscles and arteries

before copulation is even through.

- [Peggy] Really?

- Really.

At least your boyfriend cares enough to hit you.

(button clicks)

- Peggy, are you there?

- [Peggy] I'm here.

Who's this?

- I'm Brenda Foster.

- Peggy? - I'm gonna give you

the number for the Center for Domestic Violence, okay?

- [Peggy] Well, what happened to Dr. Archer?

- Dr. Archer can't help you,

but I'm gonna give you the number of somebody who can.

Do you have a pencil?

- [Peggy] Yeah, just a second.

- Don't you ever fucking put your hands on me again.

- What if I do?

- You won't.

You're sick, but you're not stupid.

(button clicks)

- Face it, Dan, you're the one that's sick.

You're a serious sexual deviant.

Isn't that why they threw you off the force?

Isn't that why you came to me for help?

(loud clattering)

- I'm warning you.

- Let me put it in layman's terms,

good old-fashioned mom-and-pop fucking

just isn't enough to rock your boat.

You and I both know it takes a stiffer wind

to fill your sails.

- Stop!

- But it isn't easy to find women

who can do the things you need

or let you do it to them, is it?!

And sometimes, they scream for real, don't they, Dan?!

- Shut up!

- Dan.

- You bitch.

- All night long on KSAV radio.

I'm Buddy Sylvester and you're listening to

Things That Go Bop in the Night.

- [Man] We're on, one, two...

(gentle jazz music)

- [Chuck] Buddy boy!

- Oh.

Shit.

Big boss man, didn't know you were here.

- Ah, you know what, my friend,

I was sitting home tonight by myself and I said,

Chuck, it's about time you get back to your roots.

- Roots.

Hey, cool, man.

Yeah, so what do you want, sit in with me tonight?

- Yeah, not exactly.

Like to kinda go solo, you know,

Big Chuck does everything alone.

Not everything.

(chuckles)

- Catch your drift, man.

Cool.

Well, hey, it's your station, right?

Here's the playlist.

Here is the vinyl.

- Hey, listen, if you don't mind,

I brought along some of those cool sounds

from the '60s, the real music.

You remember that, right?

- Real music.

- Yeah. - Cool, man.

You got it.

Well, you know where everything is.

Break a leg, now.

Daddy.

- Don't let the door hit you in the ass

on the way out, Buddy.

- [Buddy] Rest assured.

- [Chuck] Okay.

(chuckles)

(coughing)

- [Dan] Brenda.

Brenda, open the door.

- [Brenda] Go away, Dan.

- Brenda, goddammit, open the, open the door.

- What do you want?

- Want you to let me in.

- I don't want you in.

- Brenda, at least give me a chance to explain.

- Explain?

What makes you think I need an explanation?

You like to hurt women, you like them to hurt you.

It seems pretty clear to me.

It was you who called the radio station

the other night, wasn't it?

(Dan sighs)

- Yes, it was, because I needed help,

because of you, because I love you.

- Me?! - And I was afraid--

- Leave me out of it.

You have up till this point.

I don't know what happened to you in LA, Dan,

but it changed you, and I--

- It wasn't LA.

- You do need help, but I can't give it.

I don't think we should see each other anymore.

(loud slam)

- You bet, you jazz lovers,

that's the one you've been waiting for,

Wally Wormwood and his Whistling Woodwinds

and their rendition of Synchopated Polka.

("Synchopated Polka")

(laughs)

Oh!

Well, Dr. Archer, don't we have a great imagination.

What in the world?

(chuckles)

Must be raining out.

You've got your raincoat on tonight.

I know that's not a bathing suit,

but I do know that I am more than willing to dive in.

No, no, no, no.

I mean, till you work on the bottom,

you'll find out why they call me Big Chuck McGill.

(Chuck chuckles)

(laughs)

- [Claire] Batter up.

(handcuffs clicking) (Chuck chuckles)

- [Chuck] Oh!

I got those from the employees of the last Christmas party.

All right.

(Chuck chuckles)

Claire, those feel real.

- They are real.

- Oh, I know I'm going to enjoy this, aren't I?

I'm gonna enjoy, what's that?

Ah, little bit of fun, I suppose.

(Chuck chuckles)

(laughs)

Stop it!

(laughs)

Oh, please!

Please.

Okay, that's enough for a minute.

That's enough for a minute.

- You're going on the air now.

- No, wait. - Five, four, three, two, one!

(button clicks) - Hi there.

Hi there, friends.

Chuck McGill holding out the chill as we continue still

with the big sounds that you just heard

from Wally Wormwood and his Whistling Woodwinds.

I gotta tell you that we've got some more great sounds

for you coming up here,

as good old Chuck McGill gets ready to fill

any hole that's left in your life.

If you're lonely and you think you're the only,

I am the one who will help you now,

as we listen to Benny Bidwell and his Bouncing Bongos.

Benny Bidwell and his Bouncing,

I'll tell you what's happened here.

(chuckles)

My engineer, the Gump, is in the dump.

Time to take a break that cause that so often you take.

So I'll tell you what, we'll have some fun.

We're gonna turn this record for you anyhow

and give you the flip side.

(humming)

Oh, boy, this is the time you have been waiting for,

my friends, because here he is,

with a continuation, Wally Wormwood.

(record scratches)

(polka music) Well, I can tell you,

you know everything's going fine.

We're gonna check the temperature for you in just a second.

(button clicks)

What the fuck are you doing?!

This isn't fun!

It's stupid!

Now, come on, Claire!

(Chuck chuckles)

Did you see that movie, uh, no, I guess you didn't.

Aw, come on, if I knew you wanted a girl,

I would've bought one for ya.

I'm not that kind of a guy!

I don't like wigs.

(groans)

Okay, all right, have your fun.

Come on.

Okay, we're gonna have some fun now, right?

(lips smacking)

Come on.

(groans)

Claire, I can't breathe!

Claire. (loud thud)

Claire, what are you doing?

(remote control clicks) - We're making a tape, Chuck.

See, there's the camera.

- Why, Claire?

- [Claire] I wanted you to see what it feels like

when somebody has something on you.

- Claire, look, this is ridiculous.

I'll read negotiate your contract--

(loud crack) (groans)

What do you want, Claire?!

(loud crack) (groans)

I'll give you a 20% of the--

(loud crack)

I'll give you 30% of the syndication.

What do you want?!

- [Claire] I want my tape!

- I don't have it, Claire.

(loud crack) (groans)

I'll give you 40%!

40%-- (loud crack)

It's in my office in the ice bucket.

Claire, please.

- [Claire] No, Chuck.

- Claire, I can't breathe! - We're having fun, aren't we?

Aren't we having-- - I can't breathe!

I can't-- - I thought that's what you

wanted to do, was have some fun.

(groans)

Chuck?

(loud thud)

("Made Out of Steel" by Spanic Boys)

♪ You were made out of steel

♪ And steel won't bend

♪ You were made out of steel

♪ But you will in the end someday ♪

(Dan sighs)

- Brenda, please, I'm sorry.

You gotta believe me.

(Dan sighs)

Look, you had to stay because of your father.

Well, I had to leave because of mine.

Remember that time I got my nose busted?

- Yeah, it was during that scrimmage.

- No.

Wasn't any scrimmage that day.

He did it.

He didn't like the way I played the game the night before.

Said I wasn't hitting hard enough,

I was playing like a pussy.

Showed me how to hit, all right.

- I didn't even know of that. - Nobody knew.

Everybody loved Pete Pearson.

Down at the garage, he always had a smile for everyone.

He's everybody's pal.

Not at home, he wasn't.

Home was a whole different story.

Home was a shot in the arm, kick in the ass,

and elbow in the gut, fist in the face.

He was a fucking brute.

And that's just with me.

With my mother...

God, I hated what he did to her.

Only thing I hated more was what he did to me.

Made me like him.

(loud thudding)

Dammit!

God! (loud thudding)

(gentle music)

- No, I can't.

Think I can't.

Think I can't.

I was almost over you.

Well, it took me 15 years, but I...

I almost was.

- [Dan] You want me to leave?

- Not on your life.

Just let me put dad to bed.

Okay?

- Yeah.

- [Brenda] Okay.

- Keep the porch light burning, okay?

- [Brenda] Yeah.

- Dispatch, this is 804.

Call the cops.

Tell them there's a break-in in progress at 5606 Blackstone.

- [Dispatcher] Copy, 804.

- Get out.

- Don't you understand we belong together?

Why can't you accept that?

I have.

- Maybe you did help me in some weird way,

but you're the one that really needs help.

I'd feel sorry for you if you weren't so dangerous.

- Dangerous?

What do you know about me?

- I know enough.

(suspenseful music)

- Too bad.

I guess you and I can't live happily ever after.

Stories just don't end up that way, do they, Dan?

- Claire, goddammit, be careful.

That thing's loaded.

- You don't have to tell me.

I know all about stories.

They're always loaded.

Boy meets girl.

Boy loses girl.

Boy gets girl.

(gun clicks)

Fuck stories.

(gun clicks)

No!

No.

(gun clicks) (gasps)

- You have a winning personality.

- [Claire] Don't.

(gun clicks) (yelps)

- He will travel soon.

(gun clicks)

He who has hope has everything.

- [Officer] Freeze! He's got a gun!

Drop it! - Danimal Pearson?!

(guns firing)

(sighs)

(gentle music)

- Until next week, I'm Dr. Claire Archer.

Remember, don't fight the hurt.

Love the hurt.

It's a long dark night and it's all you've got.

(ominous piano music)

(ominous music)