Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(glass breaking)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(light music)

♪ Lately I've been walking past the house ♪

♪ They lived in ♪

♪ I've been talkin' to myself about this life I've lived ♪

- Ah!

♪ Lately I've contrived the list of all my friends ♪

♪ Lately I've been walking past the house they lived ♪

♪ I've been talking ♪

- Hey, check out what I found.

- Oh my God.

Can I see it?

- Ooh, careful.

Two bucks.

- (laughs) Oh, you're getting this.

Let me see, I'll be careful.

- [Woman] Meerkats to watch over us.

- These are great!

We are so getting this.

- Love, love, love.

♪ Finish my song ♪

- Find anything good?

You already have that one.

- This one? - Yeah.

In your cabinet.

- But it's got a chip in it, see?

It's completely different.

- Gee, how could I have missed that?

♪ Lately I've been walking ♪

- So I'm dealing with this thing with mugs,

you know, coffee mugs.

Any hoarders in the audience?

And when I say I'm dealing with,

I mean my therapist has a problem with it.

Personally, I'm fine with it.

I don't listen to him anyway.

He drinks tea.

♪ Talking to myself around here ♪

Okay, that's my set.

I'll be coming by to take your order.

And remember, every day two for one sandwiches

from six to seven.

- You went over.

- Oh, sorry.

Felt the flow, went with it.

- Table five's been waiting 15 minutes for it to finish.

(electronic buzzing)

(electronic music)

- I think I'm gonna quit stand-up.

- No, you're not.

You're funny.

- Well then why aren't you laughing?

- You just need to be more honest.

You're holding back.

- Like nobody ever liked dating me

because my first kiss was my dad.

- (chuckles) Sorry, I shouldn't laugh at that.

You should totally tell those kinds of jokes.

People love to be shocked.

- [Woman] You're crazy.

- [Young Man] Why not?

- [Woman] People don't want to hear jokes

about spousal abuse.

- Yeah, but you're not the spouse.

You're the kid, so it's okay.

I think it's funny

when you talk about how your parents fought.

It makes me laugh.

I'm just saying, if you can't laugh at yourself,

maybe that's a problem.

- Well, I honestly don't think anybody would laugh.

- [Young Man] You got one about the black eye again?

- The way I knew how I last connected

with my dad was how fresh my black eye was.

But it's not funny.

It's sad.

Sad is the opposite of funny.

- No way.

Stand-up comedy is full of people talking

about their painful past.

I mean, look at Richard Pryor,

Sam Kinison, Lenny Bruce.

- Yeah.

- Even Seinfeld maybe a little.

- Not Seinfeld.

- Yeah, maybe not Seinfeld.

- Okay, so how about

I was watching the "Honeymooners" the other day.

You know, that episode where Jackie Gleason

says he's gonna punch his wife in the kisser.

People always say that show is too supportive

of domestic violence.

But if Jackie Gleason's character were my dad,

I'd say he's being nice,

'cause at least he gave his wife some warning.

- I mean, it's a start.

(frantic music)

- Nate, tell me happy birthday.

- Does that thing even record sound?

- Fuck you, Nate.

Margaret, tell me happy birthday.

- Happy birthday, Darla.

Let's go.

- Shit, I forgot my bag.

I'll be right back.

(pop music)

- Going already?

- Yeah.

I don't know if we ever met.

I'm Nate.

Whoa.

Ready?

- Yeah, you okay?

- Yeah. - You sure?

- Yup.

(gentle music)

- Thank you.

Hi, my name's Margaret van Dundy.

That's two words, van Dundy.

Should I just start?

So I saw these guys moving the other day,

and I thought about U-Haul.

You know that U-Haul thing's kind of weird, right?

You know how you and a friend rent a van,

and then they ask you if you want insurance.

That's how they get you, right?

I mean, they charge like $20 a day for a van,

but after insurance and taxes and the other extras,

it ends up being like $700.

Talk about a haul.

They should change the name from U-Haul to U-Raped.

Well, I never get the insurance, so-

- All right, I think I'll cut you off right there.

Thank you.

- Sorry?

- We've seen enough.

Thank you so much, sweetie.

- But I'm not done.

That's not my whole set.

- I understand.

We've seen enough.

- I thought I got two minutes.

- [Man] We've seen all we need to see today.

- Grandma's done.

Go right out this way.

- [Nate] Honest reaction time.

How did it go? - Come on, Nate.

Don't tape me.

- Well, how did it go?

- Fine.

- [Nate] Are they coming to your gig tomorrow night?

- [Margaret] Nate, can you put the camera down for a sec?

- Okay.

It's just, I don't like a camera in my face

as soon as I come outside.

It's kind of rude, don't you think?

- Sorry.

- Come on, let's go.

Well, did you do your U-Raped joke?

I like the way they pepper their chicken here, you know?

Not every place does that.

- Mm hmm.

- [Nate] It's pretty good.

- Wish I had more carrots.

- [Nate] Yeah.

- [Margaret] I like it that they give you forks here.

- You don't miss the chopsticks?

- [Margaret] Nope.

- You still gonna be my boom mic operator tomorrow?

- Oh yeah, definitely.

Where are we doing that, your place?

- [Nate] Yeah.

- I wonder if I could do that for a living,

you know, hold the mics like they do for movies.

Maybe that could be my new career.

- On, you already have a career, stand-up.

- [Margaret] No, no.

- Well, not yet, but someday.

- Right.

You want my egg roll?

- So basically the same thing that we just did.

You guys are just having breakfast,

and you're having this con, you bring this up.

Do you guys have any questions or anything?

- Well, yeah.

So does my character, do I just need her along

for moral support or, I mean, could she go alone

do you think?

- [Woman] Because my character doesn't really want

to go with her, right?

- Right.

I think you're just trying to help her.

- Okay. - Okay, got it.

- Okay. - Okay.

Let's do it again.

And, you know, feel free to play around or whatever.

We can improvise a little bit if you want to.

- Okay.

- Let's start from when you come in Emmi.

- [Emmi] Okay.

- Sound.

All right. Okay.

Okay, and action.

- Good morning.

- Well, good morning.

How was your run?

- Good, good. - Good.

- Thanks for making breakfast.

- No problem.

So listen to this.

You know the guy that I've kind of been talking

to online and. - Mm hmm.

- Well, he was looking at my profile,

and then I get a message,

and it's like, ooh, I also like the beach.

And he wants to meet up today.

(truck rumbling)

- Cut, sorry, hold for truck.

That was great guys.

Sorry.

- Hey, Nate, it's going good so far, eh?

- Thanks.

- This is for your class, right?

- Yeah, my final.

- Hey, Nate, let me run this joke by you,

just for a minute.

- Sorry, Margaret, I, uh-

- It'll just take a second.

It's really funny.

- Hey Nate, can I run something by you real quick?

- Yeah, sure, Mary, what's up?

- [Mary] Do you think this might go to Sundance?

'Cause I've always wanted to go,

and I mean - Maybe.

- It's good. - It's just

my student project, but. - Right.

Dream big. - It could lead

to other things.

I mean, and, hey, we're working together now.

I'll keep you in mind for future projects

- Okay. - If this one doesn't so.

- That would be cool. - Cool.

- Thank you. - But do you have any

questions about this?

(cheerful music)

- Hey. - Oh, hey.

- What are you doing?

- Working.

- Oh my God, are you just getting to your assignment now?

- Yeah, kind of behind.

- [Darla] More than kind of.

- Yeah.

- Oh, I can't believe Tomlinson had us do

a fucking short for a final.

- Yeah.

- Goddamned shorts.

Who even cares about them anymore, you know?

- Well, the internet is full of them, so.

- [Darla] Yeah, if you count trash from people's webcams.

- I kinda like that stuff.

I was actually watching this video the other day

about this girl from Wisconsin named Nornna,

and she's got this obsession with Eeyore.

And she's got this cat-

- Is this the camera you're using?

- Mm hmm.

- I'm using 16 mil.

I only use celluloid.

- Cool.

- So what are you doing later?

- This, doing this.

- After this?

- Probably go home,

hang out with Margaret maybe, you know.

- You should come to my party.

- Another one?

- Everybody's talking about how awesome it is.

- What has it already started or something?

- No, they just know.

It's gonna be sick nasty.

Where do you live again?

- West Town.

- [Darla] Where's that?

- It's near Ashland and Grand.

- Cool.

So are you gonna come to my party?

- Sure.

- Is that a hard yes,

because my friend James really wants to see you again.

- Who?

- The boy you were sucking face with

on your way out the door last weekend?

And I think he would make a really cute couple.

(pop music)

- Oh, Nate.

It's no fun to talk about yourself,

to have all these problems.

Oh, poor me.

It's stupid.

Everybody's got problems.

Nobody wants to hear about my problems.

I think that every female comic is forced to talk

about her relationships with this

but we love him anyway kind of vibe.

And I just don't agree with that.

The last guy I dated,

he was a serious jerk.

I was 30 going on 14.

Mark Schwartz.

He was mean.

He wanted me to be his mother.

He made me feel like crap all the time.

Sorta like Dad.

Well, he was just like Dad,

except he'd punched me with his words

instead of his fists.

He always said I wasn't pretty enough.

Pretty enough for what?

For him?

He was the ugly one.

You're gonna be alone in the end anyway,

so you might as well just get good at it.

(text message beeps)

Maybe that should be my new act.

Don't date, it sucks.

I try to talk all my friends out of relationships.

The way I see it,

if you want a black eye or your feelings hurt,

I could save you the six months of agony

and just punch you in the face right now.

(text message beeping)

Nate, quit texting.

- I'm listening.

- Well, listen to some of my new stuff here.

I'm onto something.

(pop music)

I try to talk all my friends out of relationships.

I tell them I can save you the six months of agony

and just punch you in the face right now.

Have 'em kick yo ass.

That's how you'll know if it's relationship material.

- [Man] You shouldn't be up there.

(thumping music)

(young men cheering)

- Hey.

- Hey, have you seen Nate?

- I don't think so.

How do you know Nate again?

Is he like your kid or?

- I don't have any kids.

- I mean, he talks about you all the time.

Are you roommates?

- We live in the same building.

- So why does he like you so much?

- There you are.

- How long have you been here?

- So glad you're here.

James is dying to see you.

He's in the other room.

- Oh, uh, apparently I have to go.

- [James] What do you think that cloud

looks like right there?

- A penis.

(both laughing)

I don't know.

I can't really see anything.

Neither can you.

- Yeah, I'm just makin' shit up,

but so are you.

Clouds, clouds don't look like penises.

- [Nate] Speak for yourself.

- Darla said you were pretty shy,

but I don't think you're that shy.

- Well, you're not Darla.

- Oh, thank God.

- You're much prettier than Darla.

- Oh, you sure know how to make a girl feel good.

- Well, that's just my opinion.

(dance club music)

- [Crowd] Go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go!

(people yelling)

(rock music)

- Bye.

Hey, I'll meet you outside.

- Okay.

- James, hey, I forgot to say goodbye.

- You're leaving already?

- Mm hmm, I...

- You should stay.

We could talk some more.

- Uh, bye.

- Oh, my clothes go like smoke.

- Mine too.

- I think I should find someone I think I like,

have 'em give me a black eye,

and then I'll know if I'm ready for a relationship.

Actually, I think that's how my parents first date went.

(a few people laughing)

Relationships are hard.

I wouldn't know how to be in one.

Guess that's why I'm still single.

(a few people laughing)

I think I should try

and find someone I like and have 'em kick my ass.

And then, if I still like him,

maybe there's potential.

That's what my dad did,

and my mom didn't seem to mind.

(a few people laughing)

In my family, bruises were like kisses.

A black eye not only meant that Dad loved me,

but he loved me recently.

(people laughing)

It's no big deal.

Daddy hit Mom.

Mom hit me,

and I kicked the cat.

The cat's okay.

(people laughing)

He loved her so much that sometimes

hands alone could not express the extent of his affection.

One day, he hit her in the face with a coffee mug,

a little mug-on-mug action.

(people laughing)

It was an excellent mug too.

It said world's greatest dad.

(people laughing)

I waited till the middle of the night,

and I snuck into the kitchen,

and I took all the coffee mugs

and I hid 'em underneath the bed.

That way, I figured Dad wouldn't have anything

to hit us with.

But I guess I forgot about the pots and pans.

(people laughing)

- [Nate] An art gallery, huh?

- [James] We should go there together.

- [Nate] Sounds like fun.

- How about tomorrow?

- Tomorrow?

- Yes.

I want to commitment.

Let's set a date.

- You want to hang out tomorrow?

- No, I don't want to hang out tomorrow.

I want to go out like on a date.

- [Nate] A date?

- Yes, with you.

- Well, I guess I don't have class or anything, so.

- [James] So is that a yes?

- Okay.

- Yes?

- [Nate] Yes.

- You're adorable when you laugh.

- [Nate] Adorable?

Oh, all right.

- Yup.

- Like a puppy or something?

- [James] Something like that.

Like a child.

- Are you hitting on me or insulting me?

I can't tell.

- Like a little puppy who's lost his way.

- [Nate] Oh, okay, so you are calling me a puppy.

- No, I'm calling you adorable because you are.

- Wow.

You're adorable too, so...

- Hey, I'm want to show you something.

Come on.

- So that, folks, is why I'm a 52-year-old spinster

with a mug addiction

and an extensive takeout menu Rolodex.

(people laughing)

Thanks a lot, Dad.

- [James] Yes, shh.

- What are we doing? - Come here.

- Where are we?

- It's being renovated.

(gentle music)

- This is creepy.

- I think it's awesome.

You can like see the bones of the apartment.

This is my room.

- Oh, yeah, you sleep here?

- [James] You know, when we first met,

I thought you were scared of me or something.

- Well, I sorta was scared of you.

I mean, no one's ever kissed me like that before,

said goodbye to me like that before.

I didn't know you liked me.

- Who said I liked you?

- Oh, so you just corner every boy you meet

in a bedroom and kiss 'em goodbye.

- Not anymore.

(both laugh)

- Where I'm from,

we had a graduating class of 63.

I mean, that should tell you something

about how small a town it was.

- Yeah.

- And if you were like me,

you couldn't exactly be open.

- You don't live in that small town anymore.

So, I don't know, what are you so afraid of?

- [Nate] I'm not afraid.

I just, I, I'm not used to it, I guess.

- Open up more.

- I, I am, I'm trying. - Come on.

- [Margaret] I'll be right back with your breadsticks.

- Hey, Margaret.

I'd like to introduce myself.

I'm Greg Maddock.

Nice set.

- Thanks.

- That line about the mug-on-mug thing really killed me.

- You know, I'll be right back to get your order.

- What?

- You want a menu?

- A menu? (chuckles)

- Okay, yeah, yeah.

And there's some specials up here on the window.

I'll be right back to get-

- No, Margaret.

I didn't come for the coffee.

I came to see you.

Your friend Jillian Weinstein told me

I should come check you out.

- Jill sent you?

- Yeah, I'm her manager.

She told me you had some great stuff,

and I thought I'd come check it out for myself.

And not bad.

- I'm so glad I didn't know you were coming.

- (laughs) Hey listen,

can you do seven minutes for me

at my friend's club next Friday?

He owes me a favor,

and I'd like to see more of you in a bigger venue.

Give me a call.

- Can I ask you something?

That lady who was with you the other night,

is she like your mom or something?

- (laughs) No, that's Margaret.

She's my friend.

She's actually my best friend.

We live in the same apartment building.

I think I might be her only friend,

so sometimes it's like we're attached at the hip.

- Is she gonna let you be free for a date with me?

- Of course.

It's not like I can't do my own thing.

It's just, she gets lonely sometimes.

That's all.

- Come on.

(upbeat music)

- Nate.

Hey, Nate.

- After that night, I didn't even call him back.

I texted that bitch and said, "We are through.

You can find all your shit

in the back alley behind my house, you slut."

- Oh my God.

You texted all that?

- Basically, yeah.

- How long were you guys together?

- Three years of my life I gave to that man.

- When was your last boyfriend?

- It's been a while.

- A while?

Okay, if you had to assign an amount of time

to a while, what amount of time would you assign to that?

- A long time.

Like, okay.

- Like what does that mean?

Well? - I've, I've

I've never had a boyfriend.

- Never?

Ever?

- Is that okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

Let's, come on.

- Whoa, what are you doing?

- Shh, we have to be quiet.

- James. - So I'm your first, huh?

- [Nate] My first what?

- Your first boyfriend.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

James, James.

Oh my God, what are you doing?

- Do you like that?

This is what boyfriends do, Nate.

- What, jack each other off in public?

- Uh huh.

- Oh my God.

Okay, okay, okay.

- Am I your first boyfriend?

- What kind of question is that?

You've got your hand down my pants.

- So am I?

- Sure.

- Say it.

Sure or yes?

- Yes, yes. - Yeah?

- Yes, yes.

- Say it.

Say I am your first boyfriend.

- You're my, you're my. - Say it.

- Oh God. (gasps)

Uh!

Oh, fuck.

- And then you're like, oh my gosh, he's so nice.

I might let him bang me.

(audience laughing)

And then he pulls out this monster,

and you're like what?

And your first thought is you could be such an asshole.

(audience laughing)

But anyway, their father's now.

Moving on.

I'm trying to get her ready.

We're having this huge fight.

And I keep trying to put her hair up in a ponytail.

And finally I say to her, you know,

every time I'm about to finish,

you move and I have to start all over again.

You're just like your father.

(audience laughing)

And, you know, she's.

Yeah, I did.

She's six, and so she doesn't get it.

She's looking at me

like you put dad's hair in a ponytail, like what?

(audience laughing)

- All right, folks, put your hands together

for a very funny lady making her debut on this stage.

Margaret van Dundy!

(audience applauding)

- Hi, how's it goin'?

I know what you're thinkin',

and, no, I'm not a grandma.

But I do work granny panties.

(audience chuckles)

I don't have any children.

I've never been married.

But I have had relationships.

Some of the closest with my ER doctor,

right after my boyfriends ran out of beer and got bored.

(audience laughing)

Anybody here from Downstate Illinois?

(a few people cheer)

Irish Catholic?

(audience laughing)

Then you know what I'm talkin' about.

What was your engagement gift,

a stab vest and a good pair of running shoes?

(audience laughing)

- Yeah, tongue him.

(film spooling)

Good. - Are you making

like a final project that's like a porn video or something?

(Darla laughing)

(laughing) Oh my God.

- [Darla] Shut the fuck up

and just fucking kiss him like you mean it.

Yeah!

(film spooling)

(audience laughing)

- Okay, folks, that's my set.

Thanks.

Good night.

(audience applauding)

- [Emcee] All right, all right, give it up

for Margaret van Dundy, killin' it

on stage with the granny panties.

(audience applauding)

- The cow goes moo.

The pig goes oink, oink.

The yak goes unh.

The, shit. (Darla and Nate laughing)

- Drink it, fag.

Drink it!

(audience laughing)

- Oh, bleats.

You just wish you could fuck me.

- Oh, please, bitch.

You wouldn't even know what to do with this.

- I wouldn't want to know what to do with that.

- [Nate] Oh my God.

- Nate, don't you have to be somewhere?

- No, I just want to be here.

- No?

- I just want to be here.

I decided.

- [James] Mommy's gonna be mad at you.

- Yeah, you're gonna get a spanking tomorrow.

(Greg chuckling)

- Thank you.

Hey, I loved your stuff.

- Thanks.

- No, I loved your stuff.

(audience applauding)

Hey, let's go check out this next act.

It's great.

(techno music)

- [Margaret] You done?

- Yeah, for a second.

- Are you hung over?

- As fuck.

- Are you all right?

- I'm waiting for the Advil to kick in.

- No, I mean, are you all right?

- About what?

- Well, you've been kinda weird lately.

You stood me up the other day

for our normal brunch at Breakfast Club.

And then you blew me off for my big gig at the big club,

and I just want - Yeah, but didn't you

get my text?

- Yeah, I got your text.

- I said I was sorry.

- Well, what are you sorry about?

Did I do something?

- Hold on.

(train rumbling)

I met someone.

- You met someone, what's that mean?

- A boy.

I met a boy.

- You're dating someone?

Who?

- His name is James.

- Where'd you meet him?

- A couple of weeks ago at Darla's party.

- Were you ever gonna tell me?

- Eventually.

- Well, you usually tell me everything.

- Yeah, well, usually I'm not in a relationship.

- It's already a relationship.

I didn't tell you because I know

how down on dating you are.

- Doesn't matter what I think.

- Yes, it does.

And you could say you're happy for me.

- I know I could.

- See, this is what I'm talking about.

I knew I shouldn't have have told you.

- No, no.

I'm, this is great.

I'm serious, it's great.

You like him?

- Of course.

- You really like him?

- Yes, a lot.

- Then you shoulda told me.

You're my best friend.

- You're my best friend too.

- Well, best friends tell each other this stuff.

Besides, I only dog on relationships in my act.

- Yeah, but that's not an act.

It's how you honestly feel.

- Well, yeah, fine.

But that's just how I feel.

- And that's how you feel about me and James.

- No, no, I'm happy for you.

I'm happy for you.

So he's nice?

What's his name again?

- James. - James.

He definitely doesn't beat up on you, does he?

- No, he doesn't.

- Well, 'cause if he does, - Margaret.

- you should leave him.

- He doesn't beat up on me.

- You go to bed with him?

- Margaret! - All right, all right.

- So how did it go last night?

- Good.

Great.

- I'm sorry I couldn't be there.

- Well, you were busy with James.

- Yeah.

And like my own body weight in vodka.

- Hey, why don't you come to dinner with James?

How about tomorrow night?

- At your place?

Margaret, you don't have to do that.

- I know, I want to.

- Well, you wouldn't want to see us

being all coupley, and...

- Don't you want him to meet me?

- Of course.

- Did you tell him anything about me?

- Yeah.

- Anything bad?

- He saw us at the party the other night.

He thought you were my mom. (laughs)

- I define that as bad.

- Shut up, he'll love you.

- All right.

Then tomorrow night, my place.

- Are you sure?

Aren't you gonna try to talk me out of this or something?

- Why would I do that?

That's just my act.

If you're into James,

I'm gonna be into James too.

(lively music)

♪ In my house, in my heart ♪

♪ Two sisters speak to me ♪

♪ I thought you'd found your peace somehow ♪

♪ I guess you fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

♪ I guess you fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

♪ In my books and on the bus ♪

♪ Two sisters speak to me ♪

♪ I thought you'd found your peace somehow ♪

♪ I guess you fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

♪ I guess you fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

♪ I guess I'm wasting my time again ♪

♪ Guess I'm wasting my time again ♪

♪ It seems I'm lost with what I've found ♪

♪ Two sisters speak to me ♪

♪ I thought I'd found my peace somehow ♪

♪ Guess I fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

♪ Guess I fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

♪ I keep my secrets to myself ♪

♪ Two sisters speak to me ♪

♪ I thought you'd found your peace somehow ♪

♪ I guess I fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

(hand knocking)

♪ I guess you fell in love ♪

♪ With that state of mind ♪

- Hey. - Hi.

Welcome.

- So, Margaret, this is James.

- I've heard so much about you, hi.

- Hi.

Please, come on in.

- Your place looks nice.

You changed it.

- Yeah.

- It's so funny that you live in the same building.

- Have a seat.

Have a seat.

- Do you want us to help you with the food or anything?

- Oh, fuck.

We forgot to bring something.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't know it would be this fancy.

- Well, meeting James for the first time?

Big deal.

But it's okay.

Don't worry about it.

- No, I should run out.

- Get some wine, baby.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna, I'll be right back.

I'm gonna get some.

- Get some red wine.

- Okay.

Yeah, I've got some stuff in my fridge.

I'll just run over to my place.

- Nate, you don't have to get anything.

- No, no, no, I should, I should.

I'll be right back, two seconds.

- Red would be nice,

because tonight we're having Italian.

- Great, yeah.

I love Italian so much.

- I have a box wine.

- Dinner has arrived.

- All right.

- [Margaret] It's my favorite.

I only eat at Luigi's.

- [Nate] It's our favorite.

- Chicago style's overrated.

- [Nate] It makes me feel gross.

- It's something in the sauce.

It's like you can taste the dirty Chicago water.

Plus, it gives me the smelliest shits afterwards too.

- More wine?

- Mm hmm.

(phone buzzing)

- So, Margaret, Nate tells me you want to do stand-up?

- No, I actually do it.

- No, no, she's good.

She's really funny.

She does this joke about pedophilia.

- Oh, I don't do the old stuff anymore.

- Oh my God, I love jokes about pedophilia.

And like rape and stuff.

So have you performed in any places in Chicago?

- Oh, yeah.

I've done a night at most every legitimate joint

in town. (phone buzzing)

And some not-so-legitimate joints,

like that laundromat up on Damen,

where they pay me in quarters.

That night killed.

- Didn't someone actually die that night?

- Yeah, I think so.

But that wasn't because of my act.

- Oh, badda boom.

- Badda bing ching.

- You know, Margaret works at a coffee shop,

and she has basically turned it

into this pseudo comedy club.

Well, you tell James about it.

- Only on Tuesdays.

- You own a coffee shop?

- No.

I work at a coffee shop.

- Well, she practically owns it.

- Yeah?

- It's just my day job for now.

- Yeah. - That's okay, you know.

- Hey, you should show James a video of your act.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - Oh, come on.

- No, I don't think he wants to see that.

- Oh, sure he does.

I know I do.

Frankly, I miss your old stuff.

- James, you don't want to see my tapes, do you?

- Sure, yeah.

- You think I should show him

my first Pete's Pizza I ever did?

- Yes, yes.

- The time when it was just you?

No one died that night.

I'll go find my tape.

- Hey.

She loves you.

- Hey, so my friend is DJing right now.

He wants us to go.

- Oh, cool.

- But like right now.

- Like right now, right now?

- Yeah, like we should go.

Come on.

- What, no, no way.

We're having dinner with Margaret.

- Margaret won't mind.

She loves me.

- Tell me you're joking right now?

- You're so hot when you're flustered.

- I'm not flustered.

I'm not flustered, I'm-

- Well then let's go.

(sighs) She's cool.

I like her.

She's like your best friend.

I get it.

But, like this guy, he is such an amazing DJ.

I want you to see him.

- You just want us to like walk out,

like just leave like that?

- Yeah, it'll be funny.

- You are such a bad influence, you know that?

- Well, this bad influence right here

is going to have your dick in his mouth later tonight

if you come with him.

So...

- Fuck it.

Let's just be quiet.

- You can text her and say you're sorry from the cab.

- Hey.

- [Nate] Hey.

- Found 'em.

- Hey.

We were just...

- We have to go.

- You have to go?

Why?

- His friend is playing down the street live,

and if we don't go right now,

then we're gonna miss it.

And it's, it's really important to James.

- It's like an unexpected emergency.

- Oh?

- We would never do this otherwise, I swear.

- You have to go right now?

- We could maybe stay like for five more minutes?

- Oh, no.

Don't be silly.

- It was so great meeting you, Margaret.

You're so sweet.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, yeah.

You two go do your thing.

- You know, we wouldn't need to go

if it wasn't really important.

- Oh, we can watch my dumb tape some other time.

- They're not dumb.

- We totally should.

Bye, Margaret.

Let's go, big boy.

(hand smacks)

- I'm sorry.

♪ I don't know anything about this ♪

♪ I swear I'm not like my mom ♪

♪ I'm optimistic ♪

♪ With every swallow, every heart beat, ♪

♪ You sense the water in your body ♪

♪ It's hard to miss this ♪

(upbeat music)

♪ The thinking, the memories that follow ♪

♪ The history you compile ♪

♪ You save ♪

♪ The system, the zeros and the ones ♪

♪ Is where it all comes from ♪

♪ Is where it all ♪

(dance club music)

- Let's just go home.

- We have to stay.

- Why?

- Sam is about to go on.

He's the next DJ.

- I'm tired.

Let's just go, please?

- No, come on.

We have to stay. - It's really loud.

It's really loud in here.

- No, come on, we have to stay.

- Why?

Why?

No, it sucks here.

Let's go.

- Oh, you're hot.

- James, seriously, stop it.

Okay?

Let's go.

- I need Sam to see us!

- Why?

- Are you like embarrassed by me or something?

- No.

I'll meet him later.

- He left me for that stupid twink over there!

Come on, let's show him how hot we are together!

I wanna show you off.

- No, James, stop it!

- [James] Ooh, I like that!

- No.

- Hey, do you know what you're getting?

(gentle music)

- Oh, man.

I should have just gone home.

- What?

- I think I lost my keys.

I'm gonna have to get Margaret to let me in.

- They'll turn up.

- I'm going home.

- [James] What do you mean?

- You should get the Breakfast Club omelet.

It's pretty good.

- Should I go with you?

- No, please just stay here.

Eat some breakfast.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

- [James] Then why do you wanna leave?

- I just want to be alone, okay?

- Is something wrong?

- Please just stop.

- What's your problem?

- Why did you make us leave Margaret's last night?

- You're still mad about that.

- Was it just so you could parade me

around to your stupid ex-boyfriend?

- Well, I didn't exactly drag you out of there

kicking and screaming.

- Practically.

- Well, you ought to scream louder next time.

- That place sucked, James.

- [James] You had fun.

- I did not have fun.

- You looked like you were having fun.

- [Nate] I was drunk.

So were you.

- Isn't that what people do at clubs?

- I'm going home.

- Sorry my friends aren't as important

as your boring senior citizen girlfriend.

Sorry we didn't, like, stay for bingo

until her nine o'clock bedtime.

She's my friend.

She's not a senior citizen, James.

- Well, I'm your boyfriend.

- Yeah, I think I know that,

and now so does half the city of Chicago.

- I'm proud of you.

I want to show you off.

- What, like your trophy?

- Jesus Christ.

Would you loosen up?

I'm trying to help you.

- Gee, thanks.

- You've got your panties in a bunch

over some little thing,

and you won't even talk to me about it.

- Whatever, James.

- So you retreat home like a little baby.

You can't even talk.

- Fuck you.

- You're not proud.

You're ashamed.

I'm trying to help you.

- Remind me when I asked for your help.

- You need help.

- [Nate] You need help.

- You won't even hold my hand

unless we're drunk together in Boystown.

Maybe I should get you a beer

so we can finish this conversation.

- Okay, I don't wear it on my sleeve.

- Clearly. - Well, I'm sorry

I'm not gay enough for you, James.

- Yeah, I noticed.

Next guy you blow, easy on the teeth.

- Fuck you.

We're done.

And if I behaved like you did half the time,

I actually would be ashamed of myself.

But, then again, maybe I'd be more ashamed

of that extensive collection

of underage gay porn you have on your computer at home.

1225 East Milwaukee, apartment 3A.

Oh, shit.

(somber music)

Oh, fuck.

What?

Oh, shit. (crying)

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

(police radio chattering)

- Nathan!

I just got your message.

What happened?

- My place got robbed.

All my stuff, all my movies, everything's gone.

- How?

- I came home,

and my back door was wide open.

- She your landlady?

- She's my friend.

- But how could this happen?

I locked everything up.

- Stack the next one up,

and we'll be over in a minute.

You were here last night?

- Yes.

I came in, and I cleaned up.

But I could swear I locked everything up!

- I think we have everything we need for our report.

If we find anything, we'll be in touch.

- What were you doing here?

- I'm sorry.

I was returning the wine that you left,

and I came in, and the place was a giant mess.

And I thought I'd do you a favor and clean up.

- Well, so you left my fucking door open.

- Well, I certainly didn't do it on purpose!

- How fucking stupid do you have to be

to leave someone's door open, Margaret?

They took everything from me.

They took all my DVDs.

- You'll get it back.

He said they'd call you when they find something.

- No, I won't.

They always say that.

- Well, don't you have renter's insurance?

- What, who has renter's insurance?

- Nathan, I said I'm sorry.

- You did this on purpose, didn't you?

- Did what?

- You didn't like James,

so you're punishing me in your typical

passive aggressive bullshit way, and...

- I would never do that!

- You know what, fuck you!

Why is everyone out to get me today?

Of course you didn't remember the door.

You didn't remember the door,

'cause you don't remember anything.

Why would you when your life is so fucking pathetic?

You're a 52-year-old woman

who's never had any children

and who never has anyone in love with her

because you're a fucking idiot.

I seriously think you have a mental disability, Margaret.

You work at a fucking coffee shop for minimum wage.

And the only reason they keep you around

is because they feel sorry for you

and 'cause you take the crappiest shifts.

And you got this stupid idea

that you're gonna be some fuckin' stand-up comedian.

We both know you're never gonna make it.

How could you leave my fuckin' door open?

Huh?

Are you stupid?

(tense music)

- So, folks, I'm gonna try out

some new material on you tonight.

So bear with me.

How about this?

Have you seen the size of drinks these days?

Pretty soon, they're gonna be serving you your coffee

in one of those hiking backpacks.

Those...

What do you call those things?

They're...

You know, that people wear on their backs

and then they have the straw

that comes around and?

- You suck.

- It's.

- Next.

- Uh, folks,

I'm sorry.

I guess I don't have it tonight.

You know, there's some great people coming up, so.

Have a good night.

Thanks a lot.

(tense music)

- Nate.

I heard about you and James.

Are you okay?

Nate?

You wanna get drunk at the Manhole after class?

I'll pay.

(person talking on video)

(phone ringing)

- [Nate On Message] Hey, this is Nathan.

Leave me a message, and I'll call you back.

(voicemail beeps)

- Hey, it's me.

Listen, it's been awhile.

Do you think we should talk?

You can call me or text me,

whatever you wanna do.

Okay.

Look forward to talkin' to you.

Bye now.

Hi.

- [Woman] Oh, hi.

- [Margaret] You movin' in?

- Yeah.

Hi, I'm Rebecca.

- Hi. - Hi.

This is my wife, Danielle.

- Just Dani is fine.

- Hi, I'm Margaret.

- Nice to meet you.

- [Margaret] Welcome.

- Thanks. - Thank you.

Thanks.

- Have you lived here a long time?

- A couple years.

It's a great building.

The people are really nice.

- Oh, good.

We moved here for the schools, so.

Are you going somewhere?

- A little vacation?

- No, it's work.

I do stand-up.

- Huh.

You know, you should, you should really talk to Dani.

She's so funny.

She really is. (Dani laughing)

- Okay.

Well, when I get back.

- [Rebecca] Yeah.

- We'll have a barbecue or something.

- Yeah.

I got a long drive, so.

- [Dani] You need some help taking that to your-

- No, I'm good.

I'm fine.

♪ Crying, yearning, wondering ♪

♪ If it is possible at all ♪

♪ Crying, yearning, wondering ♪

♪ If it's possible at all ♪

(sad music)

♪ But the day will never end ♪

♪ And we could always say ♪

♪ Because the past isn't giving us sorry ♪

♪ 'Cause the past isn't giving us sorry ♪

- Hey, Nate, do you have a second?

- Yeah.

- That was it, man.

That was my last one, last office hour.

I got drafts from people,

and I haven't even seen you.

You're like a ghost.

Now, it's not really any big deal yet,

'cause you got some time.

But I'm just bringing it up before it becomes a problem.

- I know.

- Everyone has to submit a treatment

for their feature length project.

It's your thesis.

And if you don't turn in a thesis,

then I have to flunk you.

And I'm not a flunker kind of guy.

- I know.

I, I'm,

I'm thinking about maybe switching majors

or dropping out of school and-

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Why?

- I don't know.

I'm just not having fun with it anymore.

- That's a shame, 'cause you're good, man.

- I'm not good.

- Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not.

- Nate, you haven't been doing it very long.

You can't be so hard on yourself.

Believe me, if I showed you some of my early stuff,

you'd be feeling a lot better right now,

'cause, dude, they were bad.

(both chuckle)

All right, just promise me you won't quit now.

It's too early.

- I just feel bored with all of it.

- All right, well then, shoot a movie

about the next thing that interests you.

And then the next thing after that.

- Okay.

- Listen, just get me a treatment, any treatment.

We can redraft it into something else

if we need to.

I just need something.

And I'm not takin' no for an answer.

- I figured that.

- And the only reason I'm telling you this

is 'cause I like you,

and I want you to succeed.

I think you have real promise, man.

But you'll never be a filmmaker if you don't make films.

Now, don't think about whether it'll be successful or not.

Just think about whatever's on your mind these days.

What inspires you?

What keeps you up at night?

What are you obsessing over?

(Nate sighs)

- [Nate] Hey.

- [Margaret] Hey.

- You look great.

- [Margaret] Thanks.

- I still have a set of your keys.

I just wanted to.

- Thank you.

What are you doin' here?

- I was waiting for you.

I'm glad you weren't out of town.

- Yeah.

I just got back.

- There's these two ladies living in my old apartment.

- Oh, that's Rebecca and Dani.

- So I heard you went on tour.

- Yeah.

- I went to your work and the guy said you quit.

That's awesome.

And I, I saw you open for that guy at the Vic last summer.

- You did?

Why didn't you tell me you were coming?

- Oh, I don't know.

But your act has gotten really good, Margaret.

- Thanks.

- [Nate] The tour was cool?

- Yeah.

It ended earlier than we thought,

but the headliner, he got his TV pilot picked up.

- [Nate] Oh, that sucks.

- Well, they paid me for my full contract, so.

- Well, there you go.

- You know, I didn't know

if I was gonna come back to Chicago

or try Los Angeles.

- Oh.

- [Margaret] What's goin' on, Nate?

- Are you friends with the couple that live next door?

- No.

They just had a baby.

- Babies still kind of gross me out.

- Yeah, me too.

How's James doing?

- Ugh.

- [Margaret] Did your movie go good?

- I need to ask you a favor.

I have, I'm making this documentary,

and I really want to make it about you.

And, you know, how you've

become a successful stand-up comedian.

- I don't know, Nate.

I don't know about that.

I don't think that such a good idea.

You and I haven't talked in a long time.

And that's really a lot to throw

at a person just out of the blue.

- [Nate] Okay.

- And Gregory, that's my manager,

now he has to be involved with stuff.

- No, I get it.

It's cool.

- You know what I'm sayin', Nate?

(upbeat music)

Nate!

Nate.

Nate.

Did you fix up my apartment like that?

That was real nice of you.

Thank you.

- I'm sorry I called you stupid.

I was really mean,

and it's not even true, Margaret.

I, I regret saying it.

I regret everything I said that day.

I regret moving out,

not answering your calls,

choosing James over you.

(crying) I'm really sorry, Margaret.

I hope you can forgive me one day.

- I forgive you now.

I know I'm not stupid.

- I miss you.

- I miss you too.

- Do you have time for brunch?

- Definitely.

(gentle music)

So tell me about your documentary.

(audience applauding)

Hello, Chicago.

Thanks a lot.

It's great to be here.

Looking back on it now,

I think most of the time

I would have been better off being homeless.

I could have saved a ton of money.

(audience laughing)

If I could have just lasted on the street

for like five years,

I'd have enough money to put a down payment

on a decent condo.

But then, after five years on the streets,

anything could happen.

I could have become an alcoholic

or a crack head

or, as we call it in my family, Aunt Linda.

(audience laughing)

(uplifting music)

♪ I click my fingers and my thumb falls off my hand ♪

♪ And falls right down the drain ♪

♪ And then things went full tilt ♪

♪ Enough survivor guilt ♪

♪ To keep you cryin' forever ♪

♪ This train's passed underneath ♪

♪ Some form of trampled grief ♪

♪ Rolled off into the distance ♪

♪ Then off came both his shoes ♪

♪ A game we had to lose ♪

♪ Bifolded on the tracks ♪

♪ But I just have to check ♪

♪ Was our minds still connected ♪

♪ So don't let me ♪

♪ Be taken for a fool anymore ♪

(gentle music)

♪ Stage is set now ♪

♪ Halls are allowed ♪

♪ Rows of people ♪

♪ Climbing steeples ♪

♪ Spotlight shines bright ♪

♪ Stay there, sit tight ♪

♪ Waiting for ♪

- Wish me happy birthday.

- Want me to tell you like I did last year?

- It never happened.

- Wanna bet?

- Fuck you.

- Already did.

♪ On our vision ♪

♪ Stranded mission ♪

♪ Waiting for the call ♪

♪ Here in the great fall ♪

♪ Let's see the blackened curtain fall on me ♪

♪ Let's keep it sudden, not too gradually ♪

♪ That can't go the way, the way you think it can ♪

♪ I've seen it all ♪