Original subtitles

CHARLIE: 'Hotels love celebrity guests.

'All that free publicity, the mention of where they're staying

'in countless magazines and newspapers

'and, of course, there's the cash they shell out.

'Today, you don't need to be talented or witty

'or clever to be a celebrity.

'This is the age of the famous for being famous.

'Shag a footballer, appear on a reality TV show

'and suddenly you're catapulted into the limelight.

'The staff are like servants. We're not supposed to judge,

'we're just here to make sure your stay is a pleasant one.

'But the truth is, we're only human.

'We see attention lavished on those who haven't earned it...

'..while the genuinely talented pass by unnoticed.'

Somebody's obviously had collagen.

I've got a reservation - Francis Levington.

Oh, um, sorry, sir. What was your name again?

'And when someone we truly admire does come to stay...

'..we want them to see us as more than

'just the person who changes their sheets or serves their drinks.

'Sometimes, we want to be noticed too.'

SHOUTS OVERLAP

Good morning.

Ah, flipping paps have been following me everywhere.

I can't even powder my nose

without someone jumping out from behind a bush.

Carrie, give us a smile, would you, love?

Lovely. So, is it true you're gonna do Playboy, Carrie?

Depends on how much they pay me.

Go on, girl, work it. Lovely. Beautiful.

That's it, thank you very much. Goodbye.

See what I mean? It's a nightmare.

I haven't got lippy on my teeth, have I?

No, you're fine.

Cos I hate it when they snap me looking like a minger.

I've got a reservation - Carrie Cottan.

Well, you'd know that, unless you've been in a coma.

Hey, it's nice in here, isn't it?

I bet you I'm not the only famous person to have stayed here.

We've had quite a few.

You're in room 506. Hope you enjoy your stay.

Thanks.

I'll take these for you.

LOCK BLEEPS

Hello! Hi, um...

I was just about to put this in your room. I thought you might need it.

I'm sure there was some there this morning. Oh!

Unless you're trying to tell me something.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's just that we got rid of some chambermaids recently

and the new lot keep forgetting to replace the soaps.

Ah, that's a relief.

Actually, I need it after fighting my way through those paparazzi.

Who are they waiting for?

Carrie Cottan.

She's apparently some tabloid favourite.

Oh, right.

Popular culture isn't really my thing.

I'm sure Miss Cottan's not familiar with your work.

Probably not.

Although I am.

SHE LAUGHS

Sorry, I just wanted to say how much I love your novels,

especially The Evolution Of Lament. It's just so powerful

and all the female characters are so believable.

Thank you, that's very kind.

Well, um, enjoy your stay.

Actually, seeing as you're here...

..I'm allergic to... to feathers.

I forgot to ask for foam pillows.

I mean, if it's any trouble...

Oh, no problem at all.

I'll make sure some are delivered to your room.

Thank you.

Sorry, I don't know your name.

It's Jackie.

Well, thank you, Jackie.

Here we go.

LOCK BLEEPS

Just on the left.

Oh, God, your tip!

Oh, it's no good, I'm gonna wet myself.

Just wait there one minute.

There you go. Thank you very much!

Well, I'm not that famous

that I don't remember what it's like doing a crappy little job.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

As you are all probably aware,

Carrie Cottan will be staying with us for a few days.

The swimming pool will be closed because she's doing a photo shoot.

God only knows why,

but the paparazzi are still desperate for pictures of her,

so please keep an eye out for anyone sneaking around the hotel.

We've already had one incident this morning.

She didn't seem to mind though. Who is she anyway?

Carrie Cottan. She was a shop assistant.

Used to do a lot of that phone sex on the side,

just to make a bit of extra money.

Turns out that the TV presenter - what's his name, Marcus Walker?

He was one of her regulars, till she agreed to meet him.

They had an affair, press found out, he dumped her,

she did a kiss-and-tell on him.

Told everyone about his wank-and-dial habit.

Nice. Now she's doing lad mags

and the reality TV circuit.

She's milking her 15 minutes' fame, obviously.

That's all we need. Another slapper that's famous for being famous.

We've got enough of them. Hey, she's not a slapper.

She's a very passionate and talented woman.

Talented at what? Stripping for the newspapers?

To be fair, she did actually pretend to have sex with a toy tiger

on Celebrity Love Shack. Really quite convincing, actually.

Who can forget the drunken brawl with Jordan?

You're just a snob.

So, she's clever and good at making money.

I like that in a woman, eh. My mistake. I understand.

It's nothing to do with the fact she's blonde with a double-D cup?

I think it's pathetic,

all the photographers trying to get a snap of some nobody

and they haven't even noticed Francis Levington's staying here.

Exactly. What, the skinny, bearded bloke?

That skinny, bearded bloke, Anna, was a Booker Prize nominee last year

and is one of Britain's most famous authors.

If he's so famous, how come I haven't heard of him?

His books don't have pictures in them?

If you are curious, his book's out next week

and he's reading from it here, tomorrow at five in the hotel.

If you fancy it, you're welcome to have half an hour off.

Normally, wild horses wouldn't drag me away from such an exciting event,

but I've got some admin I need to catch up on.

Yeah, I've, um... I find the reception area

gets really busy around that sort of time.

I'm gonna see a guy... REBECCA: A man about a dog?

A man about a dog.

You're a bunch of ignoramuses. Thank you, Rebecca, I'd love to go.

That's it, thank you.

Charlie, I wonder if you can do me a favour?

My brother is coming to England for two weeks.

You want preferential room rates?

No, I hate him. He can stay somewhere else.

No, look, every time he comes to England,

he plays the big man with me, you know?

Showing off about this restaurant, flashing his money around.

You know, laughing at me. So...

If I have a classy woman like Carrie on my arm,

then he'll laugh the other side of his head.

She's even classier than Jodie Marsh.

How can I help?

Well...

Maybe you can put in a good word for me with Carrie.

You know, make her appetite wet before I make my moves.

You know, something like...

"Gino, the barman, he's a leopard in the bedroom."

It might be tricky, slipping that into the conversation, Gino.

Oh, yeah, I see.

I tell you what, why don't we tell her

you've created a special cocktail in her honour.

She'll come down to the bar and you can show her some of your tricks.

Yes, the one I make for the barman of the year competition.

I shall say it's for her. She will love that.

Charlie, you're a genius. I owe you a big one.

No problem.

Why do people insist on carrying round those disgusting creatures?

Good morning, madam.

Might be for some, but I've had a terrible time getting here.

Cab driver drove like a maniac.

Poor little Petal was very nearly sick, weren't you?

Oh, how dreadful. Such a little angel.

Isn't she a darling?

I've got a reservation - Mrs Dickinson.

GROWLS SOFTLY

WHISPERS: One minute. It's in The Sun.

Where does she get off calling me a gold-digger?

Ex-wife, Mum.

He left the stupid cow.

Oh, I'll get her back.

There's lots of stuff Marcus told me about

that she wouldn't want splashed across the front page.

I'll have to go. There's someone here.

Bye.

I'm sorry about that.

No problem whatsoever.

I just wanted to make sure you had everything that you need.

Oh, yeah, I'm great.

Hair and make-up are gonna be ready in about ten, fifteen minutes

and one of our staff will escort you down to the pool.

Actually, seeing as you're here, there is something.

I've been sent some perfume.

It's a designer freebie.

What do you think?

Mm, it's very nice.

Not too strong?

No, seems fine to me.

Oh, look.

You've got a bit of fluff on your shirt.

Are you gonna be coming to see me in action?

I'm gonna be a sexy mermaid.

No doubt I'll pop along,

just to make sure things are running smoothly.

I'll look out for you.

OK.

She's not here long, so it won't be easy. Can't guarantee anything.

Well, if you get your hands on them, give us a call. Uh-huh.

My mate. Just popped over for a quick chat, you know?

Oh, that's all right then.

I mean, I thought you'd left the desk unattended for no good reason,

but as long as you're having a good time. Sorry, have we met before?

Don't think so. Cos I'm sure I know your face.

Ad's a mate from back home, so... Listen, I'd better be going.

I'll see you later.

OK, Carrie, I'm after sexy with a hint of evil, OK?

You're luring sailors to the rocks with your seductive wiles, yeah?

OK, positions, please.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

OK, Carrie, less evil and a bit more sexy.

You're trying to entice the sailors, love, not frighten them off.

# You're magic to me

# A beautiful mystery

# I'm certain to fall, I know

# Because you enthral me so

# Marina... #

CRASH

Cut. Can someone fix the backdrop, please?

OK, just take five while we sort this out, all right?

Charlie?

You couldn't give us a hand, could you?

This rock's murder on my arse. Yeah, sure.

Ooh!

Sorry.

SHE GIGGLES

I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to put you out.

Oh, it's fine, I had to do something on this floor anyway.

Actually, seeing as you're here,

would you mind giving me an opinion on something?

I'd be happy to.

I want to look smart for this reading tomorrow night.

Just can't choose which tie to wear with my suit.

Although I'll have to find them first.

I'm not usually this indecisive.

You think I'd be used to it by now,

but I always get sick with nerves before a reading.

I had to give a talk at uni once.

It was only in front of about 20 people,

but I could barely get the words out.

So, what do you think?

Definitely the green.

It'll bring out the colour in your eyes.

Right. Great.

Well, thank you.

So, will your new book be on sale tomorrow?

Yes, they're sending some advance copies over.

Great.

OK.

I'm here working tomorrow afternoon.

If you wanted, you could pop in. You'd be welcome to have one.

Only if you want.

Thank you, that's really kind of you.

I should be here around one.

OK, I'll see you then.

Yes, I'll see you.

Um, could I put my purse in the safe, my dear? Yes, of course.

Oh, good. Would you just hold Petal for me for one moment.

PETAL GROWLS SOFTLY

I'm taking her for her morning constitutional

and, ever since some hooligan grabbed my bag,

I don't like to take my purse with me.

Oh, how awful! I hope you weren't hurt.

No, no, no, I was fine.

Petal was terribly traumatised though.

Had to have several sessions with a doggy psychologist.

Oh, look, she likes you!

It's a great compliment. She's very discerning.

Yes. I think animals can tell how much I love them.

Come on then, my darling.

Come on. Oh, there we are. Thank you!

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine.

Just catch my finger in the door.

OK.

Good afternoon. I'm Gino.

I'm Carrie.

I heard there's a freebie cocktail on offer?

Yes. I have made a special cocktail in honour of your stay.

Would you like to try?

Yeah, sure.

Actually, I've named it after you.

It's called Very Sexy Lady By The Swimming Pool.

It's a beautiful cocktail for a beautiful lady.

Aren't you the cheesy one!

Well, anyway, it's delicious.

Hope you like it. MOBILE PHONE CHIMES

Actually, I think maybe I could enter it

for the Barman of the Year competition.

MOBILE PHONE KEYPAD BLEEPS

I'm in the last six.

Don't want to blow my own trombone, but, er...

I'm the hot tip to win.

That's great, Milo.

Gino.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

KEYPAD BLEEPS

Your cocktail.

Oh.

Mm, that is tasty.

Thanks very much.

Everyone here's been so lovely to me.

Especially Charlie.

He's, um... He's been looking after me.

So, what is the story with Charlie?

I bet you he's got a gorgeous girlfriend stashed away somewhere.

No. He's single?

No, I mean that, er, he has a boyfriend.

Hello, sir.

Ben, the receptionist.

Charlie's gay? Yeah, I know, surprising, isn't it?

He doesn't seem the type.

The general manager doesn't like it when the staff get involved,

so him and Ben, they're playing it straight.

You know, to put her off the smell.

Listen, it's probably best if you don't tell him that I told you.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS He might get upset.

Um, I'll have to get this.

Thanks again for the cocktail, Milo.

Hello?

Hi, Rita.

Hello, Luke.

You need me do something?

I don't have to need something to want to chat to you, do I?

Actually, I've been hoping to get you on your own for a while now. Me?

Yeah, you.

Come on, Rita, you must have noticed I like you.

Why don't you put that down?

You...

You're very pretty.

I don't know.

Well, I do.

I'm meant to be working.

You know what they say about all work and no play, don't you?

What if someone come in?

I get it, you're not interested.

If you don't like me, you could have said something

instead of letting me make a fool out of myself.

No, it's OK.

I do like you...

..very much.

Well, then.

Shut up and come here.

Charlie?

I just wanted to apologise about before.

You know, about being such a terrible flirt.

I'm just glad that Milo told me you bat for the other side

before I made even more of a tit of myself.

Milo? The barman.

I probably shouldn't have mentioned it.

He said you like to keep it quiet.

Don't worry, I won't say anything.

It's quite a relief, actually.

When you didn't seem interested, I thought I was losing my touch!

Well, um...

I'm glad it's out in the open.

I'm doing an appearance in GAY in a few weeks.

You should come along. I could get you some free tickets.

Sounds sensational. I can polish off my leather hot pants.

And, er, bring Ben.

By the way, he's gorgeous.

Youse make a lovely couple.

Yes, Ben is very special to me.

Oh, shit, better get a move on.

Don't forget to let me know about those tickets.

We should get back to work before anyone misses us.

It's my last room.

I go home now.

Right, well, I should get back to work.

Look, let me know when you're free.

We'll go for dinner,

somewhere special.

See you later.

DOOR THUDS SHUT

Hey, Gino, how's it going? Oh, hi, Charlie, I didn't hear you come in.

Yeah, OK, you know, can't complain.

Anyway, love to chat, but in a bit of a rush.

Oh, that's OK, just a quick thing.

Have you got any idea why Carrie Cottan might think that I'm gay?

You, gay?

No, no.

Maybe she's crazy.

Or maybe it's your shirt.

If you don't mind me saying, it's a little bit girly.

It's a strange thing,

because I actually think you might have told her that.

Me? No. No.

She must have misheard me.

She's also misheard you saying that I'm going out with Ben.

Well, maybe I did say something, you know, by mistake.

I saw her being flirty with you by the pool,

so, when she asked me if you had a girlfriend,

just... slip out.

Gino, even if Carrie does like me, I'm really not interested.

And, besides, you can't go seducing a woman

by telling her that all the competition is gay.

I know.

But, you know, I make a special cocktail,

I tell her she's beautiful and she's not interested.

Women like Carrie, they're used to getting compliments, aren't they?

If you want to get to know her,

find out if you've got anything in common.

Build up some kind of rapport with her.

Maybe you're right.

You think maybe she likes Celine Dion?

Oh, you like to shop for beautiful dresses?

Oh, God, yeah. Too much.

Me too!

Oh.

Right.

No, I mean I like to go shopping with my girlfriend.

Not that I have a girlfriend at the moment.

Of course, I could have a girlfriend if I wanted to.

I've had lots of girlfriends in the past,

but not that many. I don't want you to think I'm some kind of slag.

I'm a loyal guy.

Actually, I think it's about time for me to settle down,

You know, nice big house with the right woman, lots of kids.

LIFT CHIMES

This is my floor.

Oh, OK.

HE MUTTERS

"Carrie Cottan's ex, Marcus Walker,

"has clearly put his affair with busty babe Carrie behind him.

"Marcus and his sexy wife, television presenter Angela Walker,

"have announced that they are expecting a baby."

God, imagine being snubbed publicly like that.

Well, if you will behave like a publicity-hungry tart,

what else can you expect? Hey.

She deserve our compassion.

It's this Marcus Walker who's a pig, not her.

So, you'd turn down the cover of GQ, would you, if you were offered it?

Absolutely, yes.

I intend to make my millions in a dignified way.

Through marrying some rich bloke?

Anna, can I have a word?

Mrs Dickinson's going out for a couple of hours

and she's requested that you look after her dog,

so you need to take her for an afternoon walk.

I can't do that. I couldn't possibly go for a walk in these shoes.

Well, I've got some trainers I can lend you if you like.

You can pick Petal up at one o'clock at Mrs Dickinson's room.

A walk'll be lovely on such a gorgeous day.

Are you OK?

No, something terrible has just happened.

Are you free lunchtime? This hasn't got anything to do with

Mrs Dickinson asking you to walk her dog, has it?

Yes, it is outrageous!

Dog-walking's hardly my job description,

not to mention how dangerous they could be.

Dangerous?

Yes, dogs are disgusting and vicious little creatures, Jackie.

It could attack me.

I could be killed or, worse still, I could be maimed,

which is why I think it's better if you did it.

Thanks, usually I'd jump at the chance

of being attacked by a miniature Lassie,

but today, I'm kind of busy.

Oh, really? Mm-hm.

I'll kill you if you tell anyone.

Francis Levington's asked me up to his room.

He's gonna give me an advance copy of his book.

Oh, I wondered why you were so glamorous today.

Still, rather you than me. I once went on a date with a clever man

and all he wanted to do was talk about politics.

I mean, who cares about that?

It's not a date, he's just knows I'm a really big fan of his work.

He's just being kind.

Right. So, that's why you've got new hair and new shoes.

Can't a girl make an effort without wanting to seduce someone?

You should take the jacket off. Really?

Yeah, show a bit of flesh.

There you go!

Hey, Jackie. Hi. You look lovely.

Have you done something new with your hair?

No, I just put it up. Nothing special.

Anyway, I've got a meeting to go to. See you later.

She's got a rendezvous with Francis Levington -

you know, that book writer?

They've been getting very friendly.

Oh, right.

Well, good for her. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll be on it Friday night. Not Blackpool bloody Pleasure Beach.

Of course...

Champagne, sir.

You know, I always wonder about the people an author thanks.

If you're really interested, I'd be happy to tell you.

Although I'm not sure I can remember who I put.

Er, well, this is my publisher, Peter.

Although, seeing as he's the one who bullies me

into doing these readings, I don't think I should be thanking him.

Oh, and that's... He's my teacher from years ago.

I always thank him, even though I haven't seen him for...

Stop. Stop!

What? I don't think this is a good idea.

What was all that then? Sitting on my bed and kissing me?

Is this how you get your kicks?

Leading some unattractive man on and then humiliating him?

No, I do find you attractive.

Well, there shouldn't be a problem, should there? What are you doing?

Get off me. I don't want this!

Well, I do and I don't appreciate being teased.

Argh!

GENERAL HUBBUB

PAPS SHOUT CARRIE'S NAME

SHE SOBS

DOOR LOCK BLEEPS

DOOR OPENS

LOCK BLEEPS

What are you doing here?

I could ask you the same question.

SHE CRIES

We should get out of here.

What have you got in your pocket?

Tell you what, don't ask me any questions, I won't ask you any.

I saw you take some photos.

OK, yeah. They're her and that TV presenter.

Seems Mr Walker likes to do it dressed in girls' clothes.

I'm gonna take them to the tabloids and make a mint.

So, if you don't mind...

Take them back.

Oh, I get it. Got a wee crush, have we?

Worried she'll be upset?

Well, she was happy enough to make a fast buck

off somebody else's bad luck.

I'm sure she'd understand. This is different.

This is stealing. And this is getting boring.

You put them back or I tell Rebecca.

And I'll tell her I found you hiding in Carrie's bathroom.

What were you doing, Gino? Sniffing her underwear?

You shut your mouth. It was not like that.

No, you're gonna shut your mouth, cos, if you don't, well...

You're not gonna have that barman job you're so fond of much longer.

And, as for being Barman of the Year, well,

you can kiss that goodbye.

I don't think they give awards to dirty old men.

Right, Petal, put your feet up, read a magazine

cos I certainly intend to.

Now, be a good girl and Auntie Anna'll be back soon.

OK?

Look, I'm not making this much fuss over a few holiday snaps.

They're valuable and, in the wrong hands,

they could be worth a lot of money.

I'm sorry about this, but we do offer a safe for valuable items

as I'm afraid we're not liable for things left in a guest's room.

Yeah, well, they're personal and I didn't fancy handing them over.

If you must know, they're of me and Marcus Walker...

..and they're a bit X-rated.

One of your staff must have taken them.

How the hell would anyone else get in here? Shall I call the police?

No. The last thing I need is more flipping publicity

about how they've been stolen.

Every journalist in London'll be looking for them.

If somebody has taken them, they still might not go to the press

and we're gonna do everything we can to find them.

We'll let you know if we hear anything. Thanks.

DOOR CLOSES

Can you check if anyone let themselves into her room

after she went out?

If any names come up, look into it.

Could I have a gin and tonic, please?

You OK?

Sit down.

Sit.

It's just so embarrassing.

It's OK.

I've been such a bloody idiot.

I wasn't even gonna sell my story.

But then Marcus...

That's my ex.

He pissed off the minute the press found out.

Then I thought, well, why should I disappear?

That's just giving him what he wants.

And then, once I'd spoke to the press, it was come on telly

and do these photos.

I was earning �4.90 an hour in Kwikshop.

When would a girl like me ever get these chances again?

Only now...

I'm a slapper and a gold-digger

and it wasn't like that.

I never planned any of this.

We just got on.

And I really loved him.

Hey, hey.

Here, come on. It's OK.

No, it's not,

because now someone has stolen some photos of me and him together

and, if they go to the press, he's gonna think that I've sold them

and I wouldn't do that.

I really wouldn't.

I'm sorry.

Don't feel sorry for me.

I'm the stupid cow who got myself into this mess.

We all do crazy things when we are in love.

I'd better go and get myself cleaned up.

Probably look a right state. Hey.

You look lovely.

It's Gino, isn't it?

I spoke to security. Rita Fernandez is definitely the only person

to have gone in Carrie's room after she'd gone out.

Honestly, Charlie, I don't think she had anything to do with it.

She's painfully shy, she can barely speak English

and she can't read a newspaper, let alone sell photos to the press.

We're still gonna have to chat with her.

Look, you take those photos back or I tell Rebecca.

All this over some woman who wouldn't even look at you.

It's not about that. It's about doing what's right.

Fine. You'll do it? As it happens,

I was thinking of taking them back anyway. What are you going to say?

Well, I quite fancy being hero of the hour,

so I was gonna say I found them.

Who knows? Might even get a raise and, if Carrie's really grateful,

well, could get a shag out of it and all.

Such a lucky day.

You get to keep your stupid job after all.

HE CURSES

Are you all right?

Yeah, fine.

You know, Luke sometimes makes me boil blood.

You don't usually smoke, do you?

It's been one of those mornings.

Jackie, what's wrong?

Jackie?

Jackie, you can talk to me.

Francis Levington invited me up to his room.

He offered me a copy of his new book.

I thought he genuinely wanted to get to know me.

He seemed really sweet.

We kissed.

He wanted to take it further, I told him to stop and he wouldn't.

Did he, um...

No.

I got away before he had the chance. You told anyone about this?

Rebecca? The police?

No, I'm not going to.

I mean, it's my word against his.

I chose to go up there. I can imagine what they're gonna say.

You won't just let him get away with it? I'm not happy about it, Charlie.

I mean, I've got to work here for the next two days

knowing he's around.

I'm scared. I'll deal with it.

What does that mean?

You just go and find Rita and I'll see you in a minute.

Charlie!

Don't do anything stupid.

So, ten o'clock should be half the time...

Excuse me.

Can I have a quick word, sir, please?

Of course.

There seems to be a problem with your booking.

You've only booked for two out of four nights

and I'm afraid we're full,

so we can't accommodate you tonight or tomorrow night.

Well, that can't be right.

I remember getting the confirmation from my publisher.

I'm afraid it is, sir.

Well, I don't think that's good enough.

I'm not prepared to be inconvenienced like this,

not when it's patently the hotel's error, not mine.

You'll just have to sort something out.

Well, there's really nothing we can do.

I'm just glad that Miss Clunes - Jackie -

told me about the problem,

otherwise I wouldn't be able to fix it.

I believe you spoke with her earlier, in your room.

Listen to me...

She was hanging around my room like some groupie.

She came onto me. If she's choosing to rewrite history

and make herself out to be some sort of victim, well, she's lying.

You must see, this is a horrible misunderstanding.

You know... I can't pack up my room now.

I'm about to eat dinner with my publisher.

I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.

For God's sake, be reasonable.

You can't seriously believe that lying little tart over me.

I suggest you go and pack your bags now,

before I deal with the situation personally.

Ben! Ben!

I've lost Petal.

I locked her in the storeroom and somehow she's got out.

I can't find her anywhere. You locked her in the storeroom?

You didn't seriously expect me to spend time with her, did you?

She smells. She must be terrified! Who gives a stuff about her?

What about me? Mrs Dickinson is going to be back in half an hour

and if I don't find her, she'll murder me. What am I gonna do?

Wait a minute. Did you get that from in there?

I take it to the laundry room. But the door was locked.

I used spare key. Did you see a dog in there?

BOTH GASP

Oh, no. Did you put the laundry in the machine yet?

No.

I leave it there. Maria do it now.

GASPS

Can you see her?

No, I don't think she's in there.

Oh, wait! Isn't that a tail?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's starting to spin!

Oh, why won't this damn thing open? What are you doing?

Help me, Ben!

It's OK, I've got it.

Oh, how did you do that?

I pulled this out.

I always knew that Physics GCSE would come in handy.

Oh!

Oh, shit. I didn't do nothing.

I didn't! I in trouble now, I lose job?

Of course not, not if you didn't do anything.

But I want you to promise me, if you remember anything, anything at all,

that's gonna help us find the pictures,

you'll come to me immediately.

OK, Rita. Thanks, you can go.

Do you think she's hiding something?

I doubt it. I think a thief must have found the key

and let themselves into the room.

That's great, Rebecca's gonna love that. Yeah.

Oh, you needn't worry about Francis Levington any more.

Why, what did you say to him?

Unfortunately, he only booked for two nights, not four,

and, well, sadly, we're full.

Oh, thank you.

I've got a weekend off coming up.

Do you want to come over for a bit of dinner?

Maybe watch a DVD?

Can I get back to you on that?

Sure, no problem.

I should go. Good luck with Rebecca.

You gave me a shock, creeping up on me like that.

Sorry.

It's just I'm free this Friday.

Maybe you want to have dinner?

Sorry, no can do. I'm busy.

It's probably a bad idea, you know,

getting involved with another staff member,

but I'll see you around.

Oh, there you are, my darling!

I was starting to get worried.

Oh, she's awfully warm.

Is she?

That's because she's been lying by a window in the sunshine.

We had such a beautiful walk, didn't we, Petal?

Well, now I know how well you two get on,

I can make sure you get the chance to look after her next time I come!

You can shut up.

Just thought I'd let you know I've taken them back,

so you can quit stressing.

So, do I get a free whisky or something for being such a good boy?

I don't think so.

Are you Luke? That's me.

Let me give you a hug.

Thank you so, so much.

Look, I've got a couple of tickets for a film premiere on Friday night.

Why don't you take them as a thank you?

That's great, thanks!

You said you gave them back.

I did. It's just I'd already scanned them off to the paper by then.

You didn't think I'd miss a chance like that, did you?

That's it. I'm telling Rebecca.

You sure about that, Gino?

It's just the pictures are already in the paper. The damage is done.

You'd be losing your job and your reputation for nothing.

Cos if you take me down, Gino, I'm taking you with me.

What you've told me about Luke is shocking,

but I can't say I'm surprised.

But you, Gino, I can't tell you how disappointed I am.

Very sorry. I... It's a crazy mistake.

But did you think about how it would look

if she'd found you hidden in her bathroom?

I need staff that I can trust to guard our reputation.

What if another woman comes along that you admire?

How do I know I won't find you hiding under her bed?

I have learnt my lesson.

It won't happen again.

No, you're right, it won't.

Not in my hotel.

I'm sorry, Gino, but I can't see a way to keep you on after this.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Not now. I think you might want to hear this.

The other day, I caught Luke talking to some bloke.

It's been driving me mad trying to place him.

Anyway, it came to me this morning. His name's Adam Sorrel.

He's a freelance journalist working for the tabloids.

And Rita the chambermaid just came and spoke to me.

She remembered talking to Luke yesterday,

before her key went missing then saw him getting photos from his locker.

Right, well, as it happens, some other things have turned up.

Luke definitely took the photos.

Wait till I get my hands on him.

No, Tony, I'd rather you didn't say anything yet,

not till I've spoken to him. If you could just fetch him for me, please.

How did it go?

Let's just say I wouldn't want to be Luke right now.

I was wondering...

Did you get a chance to think about dinner, Saturday?

Yeah, I have.

I just kind of think it's a bit soon for all that.

We're just getting used to being friends

and I don't want to mess that up.

Right.

Well, OK. Maybe you're right.

Probably for the best anyway. My flat's a right tip.

I'd have to tidy it up.

Cool.

You wanted to see me?

Yes, I wanted to thank you again for bringing the photos back.

As you're probably aware,

unfortunately they turned up in the paper anyway.

Yeah, I must've got to them too late, huh?

Obviously I'm keen to find out who did this.

You haven't remembered anything useful?

Afraid not, no. Only wish I could be more help.

It's just that I had a chat with Gino earlier

and he told me you took them.

Me?

The liar.

This is because he's got a big crush on Carrie

and now he's eaten up with jealousy because she's really grateful...

I see. It's just that Tony also saw you talking to the journalist,

Adam Sorrel. So?

He's a mate. Doesn't mean I'm involved, does it?

No, it doesn't, but the fact Rita Fernandez

saw you taking photos from your locker yesterday

would suggest that you are.

They're holiday photos and...

Yeah, so I did it, yeah, I took 'em.

I fail to see what's so funny about this.

You know I could call the police.

Oh, you could, yeah, but you won't.

Well, what makes you so confident about that?

Well, the thing is, I've a nice little deal going with the tabloid.

They're paying me to keep an eye out for hotel scams,

dirty dealings.

They want to do a big article.

Now, I haven't spilled the beans as yet...

..but if the police get involved, Becky,

well,

that could change.

Get out.

You're sacked and if I see another word about this hotel

in any newspaper that I can trace back to you,

I go straight to the police. Out!

Hello.

Bingo.

Hey, that's my money! Not any more, it isn't.

Go and have a coffee, mate, we'll take care of it. OK, boss.

We're gonna put the money towards our Christmas party.

We thought it'd make a nice gesture.

Consider it your way of saying sorry.

Sorry for what? I haven't done anything to you guys, have I?

Rebecca warned me, you know.

She said, "He's a chancer, don't take him on,"

but I stuck my neck out.

I tried to teach you everything I know because I seriously believed

that you had what it took to make a good concierge.

What, end up like you?

Licking arse for a living...

You think because you've got a pretty face and some smart patter,

you're something.

Well, scratch the surface and there's nothing left.

Shits like you are ten a penny.

What's the matter, Tone? Touch a nerve, did I?

Making an enemy of me is not a smart move.

By the time I've put the word out on you,

you'll be lucky to get a job anywhere in London.

I seriously suggest a change of scenery.

Yeah, well, I'm not scared of you, Tone.

You've had that one coming for a while.

Ahem. Gino.

What you did was at best foolish and at worst grossly irresponsible.

It was pure luck you didn't damage our reputation

and I can't have staff behaving like that.

I know.

That said, you put your neck on the line when you didn't have to,

which showed loyalty to me and to the hotel.

I'd hardly want to lose a potential Barman of the Year, would I?

So, I've decided to let the matter drop.

Thank you, Rebecca.

Thank you, I...

I can't put in words how grateful I am. Thank you very much.

Well, I'm sure we've all been guilty of doing stupid things

when we have a crush.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

I won't let you down. I promise.

Make sure you don't.

CHARLIE: 'We all have a public and a private face,

'but nowhere is this more true than of celebrities

'and the staff who serve them.

'Maybe the person who is so admired

'isn't really worthy of our admiration.'

Why don't you make it out to a lying little tart?

'Or maybe behind someone's efficient exterior,

'they're hiding unhappiness at aspirations gone awry.

'That cheeky chap with the flirtatious smile for everyone

'isn't as charming as he seems.

'And the woman we all loved to hate

'turns out not to be so bad after all.

'But sometimes, what you see is what you get.

'People really are that shallow.'

Oh, bye-bye, Petal, I'm gonna miss you!

Say goodbye. Bye-bye!

Bye-bye!

Urgh.

'And that nice bloke who seems to have his heart in the right place

'turns out to be just that.'

I'm off.

I just wanted to say goodbye

and thanks for being so nice.

It's no problem. I have enjoyed getting to know you.

Same here, Gino.

Anyway, it seems they're right

when they say that no publicity's bad publicity.

I've just been offered a huge modelling contract.

I'm gonna be the new Ginelli underwear model.

There's gonna be pictures of me in my undies all over London.

Isn't that great?

Sounds fantastic.

See you around, Gino. Yeah.

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