Original subtitles

We can go home, Mike.

I'll finish clothes it up.

Fortunately, there's not much to do since they were barely any customers tonight.

Sure, things have slowed down a little since the restaurant opened, and maybe

they did get some bad press from briefly

becoming the Hudson Valley's top mafia hangout.

But on the bright side... Oh, no.

He can't find a bright side.

This is bad.

I don't get it.

I'm serving great food.

Meanwhile, Conner's place is packed every night.

They just did a write-up on a New York magazine.

Conner is this guy, Jay Hates, from culinary school.

I bet he hired a publicist.

What a douche.

Jay, you're a great chef.

You just need to focus on you.

Not just as I hate to admit it.

I agree with Samantha.

The truth is, my own life is a tragic tale about how an

obsession with an nemesis can derail one's own promising career.

And of course referring to my infamous rivalry with Alexander Hamilton.

Can I be honest, Isaac?

I've never really understood what Hamilton actually did to you.

Aren't you just kind of jealous of him?

I've never shared this with you because I was embarrassed, but that man ruined my

chance to become someone history remembers.

It is a painful story to tell.

But since it might help Jay, I'm willing to share it.

Ooh.

Dinner and a show, I like it.

Buckle up.

For tonight, I shall tell you the tale of why I hate Alexander Hamilton.

Here is 1776.

It is?

No, in the story.

Our tale begins.

At a men's habitaturate, where I'd gone to pick up a ruffle and ornamental but

obligatory garment, I needed for an important event I was to attend that evening.

Earlier in the week, I had received an invitation for my mentor, John Jay,

to attend a dinner party at his Manhattan estate.

But this was to be no regular.

So are they.

Excuse me?

Be with you shortly?

There's an infernal weight.

Give me service or give me death.

Oh my god.

Patris, look.

It's Alexander Hamilton.

We met at James Madison's Easter party and had the most thrilling exchange of ideas.

Alexander, hello.

Yeah, I've already been helped.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's me.

It's me.

Isaac Hagan, too.

We met at James Madison's Easter party.

Right.

Of course.

You were the talk of the event.

No.

Really?

Yes.

Yes, you ate that rotten pork pie and he acted as carriage.

He couldn't get the scent out.

It was a total right off.

Well, I will see you a dinner tonight.

Oh, yeah, I don't think so.

No, I'm going to John Jay's house to discuss a very important matter.

Yes, I will be there, too.

Really?

Oh, I kind of assumed it was an exclusive event.

It is an exclusive event.

Huh.

And you're sure you're not thinking about Albert Jay's party?

I heard he's hosting a chili dump.

Maybe is that the party maybe you're attending?

No.

John Jay's to discuss the Declaration of Independence?

Hmm.

Well, excellent.

Well, you shall be the voice of the common man.

I'll see you there.

Now, how can I help you?

Yes, Isaac Higgin, too, picking up my shirt ruffle.

Unfortunately, we're all out.

What?

I reserved mine two weeks ago.

Well, it's not here.

It's possible that someone else picked it up.

But it was under my name.

Is there one at another store?

I doubted.

It's sort of peak ruffles season.

Now I could order one in.

It would take at least a week.

But I'm going to John Jay's house tonight.

I heard that was an exclusive event.

It is.

Tune in next week for an ice cold elimination arm.

He's getting hot in here.

Yeah.

They don't believe Victoria Peasley with Austin then send him home.

Same night.

Victoria Pea is going to hell.

I'm back.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

False hot again.

Elias, what are you doing here?

Come now, Henrietta.

That's no way to greet your husband.

Greet you.

Last time you visited, you tried to drag Peter to hell.

Never mind all that.

I come to you today with an opportunity.

We're not interested in anything you have to say.

Now, now hear me out.

You see, my boss was very impressed that I returned to hell voluntarily.

There's not a lot of that.

What with all the flaying and the burning and the bad wi-fi.

So now I am on the management track.

And I am one sole shy of a big promotion.

Oh, and you expect one of us to volunteer to give you our soul?

I do.

If you accept my offer and commit your soul to

hell, you will join me on the management track.

Instead of having your toenails pried off daily, well,

you could be doing the prying or supervising the prying.

You wouldn't even have to return with me now.

We could work out a time.

Even years from now that your cushy sentence could begin.

But refuse my deal and risk an eternity of pain and suffering.

Elias, it's a no from us.

So why don't you go try to peddle your nonsense on some other ghosts?

Oh, I specifically came to talk to you for.

You see, we've kind of had our eyes on you.

Well, I don't like that.

I'm gonna be fine.

I'll have you know, when I was alive, I gave a lot of money to charity.

Charity was a dancer, of course.

One last thing.

This offer expires at midnight.

So, the only question is... Are you willing to roll the dice?

Jay, pay attention.

I can't hear it or see him.

Anyway, as I was saying, that evening I journeyed to John Jay's house eager for

the opportunity that they before me, but terrified.

By how my roughest chest would be received.

I get it.

And that where it was very important to us pinecon troopers.

Although, given the second chance, I would have gone

with Kevlar and not your standard cotton necker chiff.

So, what happened when you got to John Jay's house?

We're still not at John Jay's house.

As I was saying, I entered the residence,

hoping my peers would focus more on my ideas.

Then, my garments.

That hope was quickly dashed.

What the hell is wrong with you, Isaac?

I can see the whole naked bib of your shirt.

It's disgusting.

It was my fault.

There was a mix-up at the shop.

And then it's like trying to find a last minute ruffle at Manhattan in March.

I mean, while I'm at it, why don't I just look for the north of its passage?

You and my protege, Isaac, when I invited you to this dinner, I was sticking my neck

out for you, and you didn't have the decency to decorate yours for me?

Look who's here.

Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Sam Adams.

I will not have you embarrass me in my own house.

I don't know what to say.

If you want me to go, oh, I'll go.

I think I have a spare.

It's not quite the current style, but it will suffice.

Come with me.

Oh, that's nice of him, so everything worked out.

Yes, Amanda.

I'm telling you the story because everything worked out.

Let's just say that this particular ruffle

turned out to be worse than no ruffle at all.

Oh, my God, he can do it.

What are you wearing?

It's a loner.

I know it's not the delicate, finely pleated ruffle that's currently all the rage.

It looks as though you're being attacked by a swan.

It's enormous.

It's wonder you're not toppling over.

I mean, you're more top heavy than Catherine the Great.

You've seen paintings are very whole.

It's not.

Are you kidding?

I can't get enough of them.

You know me, I love looking at a nice set of plump duckies.

But what I love even more is the fine tailoring at Henry's Habitatry,

which is why I had reserved my ruffle there.

I'm talking a very normal size, modest even, with a fine hand-sewn center plate.

Hello, sort of like Hamilton.

Alexander, you made it.

Happy to be here.

There he was.

Alexander Hamilton.

And he was wearing my ruffle.

Did you just gasp at your own reveal?

I did.

I'm so confused.

How did you even know it was your ruffle?

Are you serious?

I ran into him at the Habitatry.

Just when my ruffle was supposed to be ready.

And then he shows up wearing one that's identical to the one I reserved.

He must have given them my name because he wanted the trendy ruffle.

I could not just let this injustice stand.

I mean, Angelica is definitely the prettiest.

Sure.

You know, but the lines are just...

She just seems to getable.

Man, a Skyler sister.

I wonder if I could get one.

I mean, perhaps Peggy.

Good evening, Alexander.

Lovely ruffle.

He must have reserved it quite some time ago what considering

how slammed all the Habitatries have been this ruffle season?

Yes, yes ruffle season certainly has been hot hot hot.

Which is why I reserved mine with Mr. Henry two weeks ago.

Oh, you know a funny thing.

I also reserved mine with Mr. Henry two weeks ago.

But when I showed up today mine had gone missing.

And yet here you are wearing an identical piece.

How interesting.

And another interesting fact.

I had my ruffle monogrammed on the inside of the collar.

Monogrammed, you said?

Indeed.

Gentlemen, let's convene the meeting.

I'd like to polish off the rest of this draft

tonight so we can get on with the signing.

The signing.

Hot stack of Johnny cakes.

You really weren't going to sign the declaration of independence.

Really looks like it.

So what happened?

So let's talk about these unalienable rights.

So far I have life and liberty.

But it feels like there should be a third.

What about beer?

Thank you, Sam.

I'm not going to write that down, but that doesn't mean that it was a bad idea.

Either way, we need to make it clear that these

rights were given to us by being able to took it.

Mortal Kape.

You're here.

Mm-hmm.

Tung.

What?

My ruffle.

What I reserved at Henry's home.

What cares?

We're founding a nation just to do a drop of man.

Now, the people should have the right to alter or even abolish government if abused.

But at the same time, government has been deprived of strength to persist.

Right, too.

I have her to ask her.

I believe that we found this.

Take my track to listen.

To Jefferson.

Just leave me alone.

And we can no longer tolerate the forced

boarding of foreign mercenaries in our homes.

Mm -hmm.

To that end, it's just the timing.

Yes, especially.

So what it used that they have been doing over the past few months?

John.

John J.

They can, too.

Yeah.

Did you have something that you would like to contribute to this particular concept?

I, um... Yeah, I like it.

It's good.

And what was it?

I don't know.

Oh, look out.

Man, you are blowing this.

There are many benefits.

Sometimes I even get to come to Earth as a living human.

Otherwise known as a demon.

While here, I'm whining, I'm dining, I am

tricking innocence, and to selling me their souls.

It is a blast.

And all under world's dime.

Honestly, it sounds a lot like my time at Lehman Brothers.

Any of you could be having fun like me.

All you have to do is accept my deal.

A simple handshake will do.

Oh, get that hand away from me.

I ain't taking the deal.

Nor should any of us.

Aside from possibly Thor.

What Thor do?

What the word do?

Didn't you kill, like, thousands of people?

Yes, but only to pillage the land for resources and treasure.

Also, the master remember most of those with Danes.

So Thor think Thor in clear.

Danes are people too, Thor.

She's not wrong, my wolf, you're in soaked friend.

You see in the eyes of hell, all nationalities are seen as equal.

I was surprised too.

But Thor killed.

Many.

Many Danes, also.

Eat best friend.

Oh, Scott, who is squirrel.

See, the equating of those two things also isn't great.

Think I have a live one.

What do you say we make it official?

Oh, that's enough, Elias.

He doesn't want your deal.

None of us do.

So open up a hole and go back down from where you came.

Well, you all have another hour on the clock.

If you change your minds, I will be around looking

for livings to walk through and make horny.

Okay, that guy sucks.

You gotta admit, the ghost power rocks.

Man, I do believe that we have done something important here tonight.

And now it is time to sign.

That was awesome!

There I was.

You're inches away from signing the Declaration of

Independence from the monogram collar of my ruffle.

I know it's you.

You stole my ruffle.

I don't know what you're talking about and what kind of in the middle of something.

Well, let me see the collar.

What?

No, let me see it.

No, let me see it.

No, let me see it.

No.

What is wrong with you?

I think what are you doing here?

Oh!

Oh, my God, man!

I can save it!

I guess you won't.

No, no, no!

Oh, no!

My beer!

You destroyed it!

No, no!

I mean, honestly, we're gonna have to do it over anyway.

Cause all those S's look like apps.

Oh, my goodness.

You destroyed the Declaration of Independence?

Just the first draft.

But yes.

So you destroyed the first draft of the Declaration

and squandered your own shot at history.

At least there's a silver lining.

Damn it, Pete.

Don't start one unless you got it.

I spilled a glass of wine on Paul Simon's white couch once.

Took Garfunkle a week to get the stain out.

Oh, man.

Timothy Shellamazeed and Nick Connor's restaurant.

I'm sorry.

Is he even listening to my story?

Jay, Isaac wants you to focus up.

I am focusing that there's a lot of down kind between updates.

Where was I?

Oh, yes.

Fine.

Not my finest moment.

But all this is not lost.

Jefferson, you seem to have a pretty good handle on things.

How about you take another run at the draft?

And then we'll all meet back here same time next week for some beers and sign a runies.

I'm sorry, Higgin 2, but you're out.

Me?

If anyone should be out, surely it's Hamilton.

And why is that?

Because he stole my ruffle.

He's spiraling.

He's totally lost it.

Who invited this guy?

I think he just showed up.

Higgin 2, it is time to leave.

Fine.

I'll leave, but not without regret.

Nothing would have made me happier than to contribute to this great cause.

But alas, Alexander interfered with my pursuit of happiness.

Because of the whole ruffle, kerpuffle.

Get out!

Adding insult to injury, Hamilton volunteered to lead me to the door.

Saving for my exit one final twist of the knife.

I'm sorry, things didn't work out.

Oh, and, um, you can do it.

You were right.

I stole your ruffle.

Hamilton admitted to stealing Isaac's ruffle.

So Isaac was right, Hamilton didn't do it.

Yes, J.

But the truth is, that's not what matters.

The only thing that matters is that my blind obsession with

proving that caused me to miss out on being a part of history.

Jay, this restaurant is your shot at making history.

Don't let it pass you by.

Isaac saying he should have just let it go and not worried

about it, because he missed his chance to make his mark.

Isaac's right.

I need to stop sitting around and complaining and start

doing everything in my power to make my restaurant a success.

This might be way too late to be asking, but what is a ruffle?

Honestly, I gotta say, I knew hell was bad, but it sounds really bad.

Totally, except for the constant playing of

Jumbo Wamba, which is objectively awesome.

So do we have a deal?

Oh, no.

You don't want to do this big guy.

But Thor may be going to hell anyways.

Why not take deal and make things a little more comfortable?

Trust me, he does not want to start on the ground floor.

I mean, for one, that floor is made of snakes.

Thor, think about it.

You've been here a long time.

If you were going to go down on us, don't you think it would have already happened?

What do you mean?

I'm saying yes.

You've done some bad stuff, but you've been making efforts to improve yourself.

And maybe the universe has taken note.

You remember two years ago when Bala's boyfriend Eric was electrocuted,

and you saved his life using your ghost power.

Thor, that's one life back in the plus column.

You do that a couple more thousand times.

You're pretty much even.

Don't listen to them.

We're hell buddies.

And you remember all those years as a ghost when you watched

over me as a young girl, comforting me and my times of need.

Maybe we've all been given a chance to learn

from our mistakes and become better people.

And no one's done that more than you.

Sorry, lies.

But Thor decided to take those chances.

Fine, but know this.

I will not rest until I reap one soul from this house.

Believe me when I say you have not seen the last of me.

Morons.

That is the cue.

That is always the cue.

You have not seen.

I get knocked down, but I get up again.

You never gonna keep me down.

God, it's such a good song.

Isaac, something you said got me thinking.

Did you ever actually read the final version of the Declaration of Independence?

As a matter of fact, no.

Once I blew my chance to be a part of it, I couldn't bear to look at the thing.

Right, because there's a phrase you said in the story.

Pursuit of happiness.

Yes, it was something I said in the heat of the moment.

They can't all be winners.

Well, they used it.

Right at the beginning of the Declaration.

What?

Really?

Certain, unalienable rights.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

They used my words.

So, I guess you did make your mark on history in kind of a big way.

I guess I did.

What about Ruffelker Fuffel?

Did that make it in?

I'm pretty sure no.

Okay, well still.

Isaac won.

Hamilton Zero.

Well, I mean, he's on the $10 bill.

Yeah.

Okay, then it's a draw.

Which is the best Hamilton's ever done in the duel, am I right?

Yeah, he died.

Yes, he did.

The wimp.

Where's I?

I'm immortal.

My words live on.

I have to tell the others.

Everyone, I'm famous.

Where's Hamilton?

Let out in a field of New Jersey.

Betty was really ruffled about that.

Can endorse the pettiness, but love the pun.

If I'm being honest, part of me isn't sure about hiring a publicist.

I know I'm a good chef, shouldn't that be enough?

Everyone needs a little help sometimes.

I don't know.

Kind of feels like I'm selling my soul.

I completely understand.

You know what?

I'm gonna have to think about it.

Take as much time as you need it.

And when you've made your decision, you know how to get in touch with me.

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!