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1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,212
¡Imbecil!
¡Creíiste que me robabas
2
00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:06,881
la herencia de mi madre,
3
00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:10,176
pero tenemos la misma madre!
4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:13,262
¡Y nuestro padre... es Diego!
5
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,680
¡El lechero!
6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,350
Okay, then. What
does that mean?
7
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,060
You fool!
8
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,521
You thought you were stealing
my inheritance from my mother,
9
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,314
but we have the same mother.
10
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,525
And our father is
Diego! The milkman!
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,485
Nice!
12
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,195
If you have a second language
when applying to high schools,
13
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,905
they are more likely
to accept you.
14
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:34,158
But we don't have a Spanish
class, so I got creative.
15
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,203
I am teaching my students
through telenovelas,
16
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:41,290
or as I like to
call it, inmersión.
17
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:44,252
Okay, who wants to
try on their own? Yes.
18
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:46,295
A veces me siento como Dios...
19
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:50,216
cuando quiero alguien
muerto, mueren el mismo día.
20
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,052
Translate.
21
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,595
Sometimes I feel like God.
22
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,349
When I order somebody killed,
they die the same day.
23
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:02,353
Some of the kids prefer
watching "Narcos."
24
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,146
Whatever works.
25
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,078
Alright, class,
can anybody tell me
26
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,455
what number we are
celebrating tomorrow?
27
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,207
100!
28
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,500
That's right.
29
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:28,963
We will be celebrating
100 days of school.
30
00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:31,924
The 100th day of school
is a big to-do nowadays.
31
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,510
In order to beat the "when
is summer break" blues,
32
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,762
the students dress
up as 100-year-olds
33
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:37,763
and have a parade.
34
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,224
It's a less scary Halloween.
35
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,602
Now, 100 pennies is a...
36
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,770
Dollar!
37
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,647
A dollar.
38
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,607
100 years is a...
39
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,859
Long time.
40
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,194
Close, but we call it a...
41
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,113
Century!
42
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,907
That's right, a century.
43
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,910
Mrs. Howard, it's ringing.
44
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,287
Yes, it is ringing.
45
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,413
That's ringing, too.
46
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,914
That is ringing, too.
47
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,958
You know what?
I'm sorry, class.
48
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,585
My daughter is calling me.
49
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,545
And I, uh...
50
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:13,507
Okay, okay, so now how
do we turn on the video
51
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,009
and turn off the ringer?
52
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:17,970
Help me, Jesus.
Help me, Jesus.
53
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,222
I'm Margaret.
54
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,641
Thank you, Margaret.
55
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,059
You're welcome.
56
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,518
Taylor, sweetheart,
57
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:27,772
why are you calling me on
every device in the world?
58
00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,607
What's wrong? Taylor:
Nothing's wrong.
59
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,484
We have some good news.
60
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,610
We're pregnant.
61
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,944
Aah!
62
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,197
Class, I'm gonna
be a grandmother.
63
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,368
Oh, my gosh, sweetheart.
64
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,328
And we're moving back to Philly
65
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,829
so we can be near you and Dad.
66
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:47,792
Oh! I have been praying so
long for that to happen.
67
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,794
Yes, God is good.
68
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,505
I can't wait to see you with
our little bundle of joy
69
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,549
every single day.
70
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:56,842
Every day?
71
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,594
Every day.
72
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,763
Well, wow.
73
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,848
Well, what... what should I
be called as a grandmother?
74
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,101
I mean, um, Gigi.
75
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:07,603
Hm. Yaya. Baba!
76
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,356
No, Lady Baba.
77
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,941
Yes!
78
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,776
Oh, but tell me this.
79
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,736
Did I miss the wedding?
80
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,239
Uh, you're cutting out.
Okay. I love you, Mom.
81
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,658
I love you too,
baby.
82
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,077
Oh, class,
83
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:27,832
we are dancing for
100 seconds of joy.
84
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,670
"Possums" can be spelled
with an O or a P,
85
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,755
depending on where
the animals live.
86
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,966
Dia, if I find out
you're lying...
87
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,009
Please let me go back to work.
88
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,262
Morning, ladies.
Got a few tickets.
89
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,680
Uh, for one of them,
under "reasons,"
90
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,723
you just put "flood."
91
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,642
One of Gregory's students
poured water on his computer,
92
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,518
hoping to make it grow.
93
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,229
That's kind of adorable.
94
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,733
Okay, well, you know
where Gregory's room is.
95
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,862
Oh, yeah. Uh, I'll
get right on it.
96
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:02,283
Ughhh! He is so annoying.
97
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:04,201
Why is he so annoying?
98
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,287
First, you're nosy.
99
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:09,123
Second, he stays in my phone,
but he hasn't asked me out.
100
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:11,709
He keeps asking me about my
interests and hobbies and stuff.
101
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,377
Sounds awful. Watch your tone.
102
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,421
I'm just used to a more
forward man, you know?
103
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,839
I don't want to talk
about my favorite movie.
104
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,340
I want to talk about what
you're gonna do to me.
105
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,967
You gonna
me? me?
106
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:23,137
me.
107
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,763
But it's okay,
'cause it's mutual.
108
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,558
I'll you, too.
You know what I'm saying?
109
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:31,437
Just so you know, I am
slowly building my case.
110
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,898
So? Your turn.
111
00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,900
Hey, Ava, what time is
the parade tomorrow?
112
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,401
Yeah, wondering if the
whole afternoon is a wash
113
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,944
or if we have time
to teach one thing.
114
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,863
1:30. Together: Wash.
115
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,365
Hey, Jacob, can you hand
me an apple, please?
116
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:46,410
Thank you. No! One
of the organic ones.
117
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,370
I can handle the pesticides,
but it's for Sweet Cheeks.
118
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,414
I gotta watch out for
his sensitive tum-tum.
119
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,583
Yeah, totally, it's not
like he eats his own poo.
120
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,336
He did that one time, and it
was 'cause you frightened him.
121
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,129
And that's probably
why he's been lethargic
122
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,547
and not using his wheel.
123
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,633
Or it could be because
he's a pea-brained rat.
124
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,468
Oh. "Rat" is crazy.
125
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,636
Run.
126
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,720
Count to 10.
127
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,598
Everybody, I have big news!
128
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:08,599
You're getting married.
129
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,892
No, I'm already married.
130
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,268
My inversion table has arrived.
131
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,103
No. Janine pregnant again?
132
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,815
My baby is having a baby!
133
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,525
I'm going to be a grandmother.
134
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,945
Oh, my God! Yes! Yay! Finally.
135
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,571
Finally!
136
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,032
Gregory, how does it feel
now that your girlfriend,
137
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,326
Barb's fake daughter,
is gonna be a fake aunt
138
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,203
to your ex-girlfriend's baby,
139
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:32,414
which makes you a fake uncle
to your could-have-been child?
140
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,582
What's wrong with you?
141
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,000
Oh, Barbara,
142
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,002
you are going to be such
a great grandmother.
143
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,504
I wish I had met my grandmas.
144
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,964
I wish I had more
time with mine.
145
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,049
You two are a match
made in heaven,
146
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,968
constantly sucking the
air out of the room. Damn.
147
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,803
Aw, thank you.
148
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,930
I had two amazing nonnas.
149
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,015
One had eyes like a hawk.
150
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,309
She could spot a wire
under a wool sweater.
151
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,812
The other one...
hearing like a wax moth.
152
00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:58,148
She could hear the rustle of
a wire under a silk blouse.
153
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,359
Um, are all of your
grandmothers dead?
154
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,236
Oh, no, one of mine
is still alive.
155
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,113
She doesn't remember who I
am, but it doesn't matter,
156
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,448
because she has the two things
that every good grandma needs,
157
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,534
hypertension and a muumuu.
158
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,577
A muumuu?
159
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,203
You'll never find
one in my closet.
160
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,497
But every grandmother worth
her weight in salt has one.
161
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:16,375
It's a dress, a blanket,
and a napkin all in one.
162
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,377
I long for that kind of
efficiency in a garment.
163
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,422
Uh, Barb is too young
for muumuus. Thank you.
164
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:23,883
One grandchild does not
mean it's muumuu time.
165
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,010
I mean, the male
body can withstand a muumuu.
166
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,303
I wouldn't mind a menmuu.
167
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,763
Hey, you got to stop
pitching the menmuu.
168
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,098
We talked about this.
169
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,017
It's an untapped market. No.
170
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,810
Good instinct, but, um,
171
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,354
that usually only works
on small electronics.
172
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,607
Yeah. Okay, well,
it's worth a try.
173
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:43,819
I told you teachers, keep
your hands off my grains.
174
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,072
Attention,
Abbott Elementary.
175
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,408
I need to drink more water,
and it would be nice if you all
176
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,784
helped me with that
moving forward.
177
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,536
That is all. For now.
178
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,624
She's hilarious.
179
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,000
Is she? Yeah, man.
180
00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,793
I think she's cute.
181
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:00,961
I'm gonna ask her out.
182
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,172
What? Oh, my God. Finally.
183
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,173
I've been waiting
for this moment
184
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,091
ever since I saw you
two in my classroom.
185
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,344
Where did you come from?
Forget where I came from.
186
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,095
Where are you gonna go with Ava?
187
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,513
Uh, dinner.
188
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,766
Oh, okay, you want to
take Ava to a restaurant.
189
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,601
Okay, yeah. Alright.
190
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,728
You know, just make sure it
has Michelin stars, plural.
191
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,521
And if you're thinking about
going to a movie after,
192
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,649
she's said on multiple
occasions premieres only.
193
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,609
Mm-hmm, and if you're
thinking mini golf
194
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,819
don't be an idiot.
Gigantic golf.
195
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,738
Yeah. Thanks. Alright, I'll
try to keep all this in mind.
196
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,866
Mm-hmm. Maybe she'll
like a nice gigantic walk
197
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,242
in the park or something.
198
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,163
Oh, nice walk in the park.
199
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,956
Oh, God, he's gonna
crash and burn.
200
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,166
We have so much
work to do. Yeah.
201
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,793
Clear your schedule. Mm-hmm.
202
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,213
Okay. Oh! What are we doing?
203
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,631
Look, I'm sorry I
snapped yesterday
204
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,091
and called Sweet Cheeks a rat.
205
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,468
In my culture, people have
been whacked for that.
206
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,136
Well, as an apology,
207
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,931
um, I know you were concerned
about his cardiovascular health,
208
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,517
and so I researched, and...
209
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:59,186
Ohh!
210
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,815
Jacob, that is so sweet.
211
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,483
But don't touch him
or his cage again.
212
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,567
Capisce? Yeah.
213
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,695
Okay. Look at you.
214
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,196
He actually jumped
in there himself
215
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,280
like a duck takes to water.
216
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,409
Look at him. He's
having a ball.
217
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,327
Yeah. You know,
I'm really sorry
218
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,496
I get so dramatic about
this little stinkpot.
219
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,165
He's just like a light in my
life when I needed it most.
220
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,417
And if anything ever
happened to him,
221
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,085
I might run into
traffic, you know?
222
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:27,297
Aw, did you run out
of gas already, bubba?
223
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,550
Oh, he's probably
just, uh, tired.
224
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,593
Like you said, he's not
used to all that exercise.
225
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:34,054
Jacob. Jacob, what did you do?
226
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,347
Oh, boy. Okay. Don't worry.
227
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,182
Oh, my God. How
fast could he run?
228
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,600
Six miles per hour,
229
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,561
twice as fast as
a human can walk,
230
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,646
especially if that human
has two broken knees.
231
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,189
Uh-huh. Oh, my
God. Oh, my God.
232
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,692
Everybody stay
still. Stay still.
233
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,487
Sweet Cheeks.
234
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:54,867
Good morning, old ones. Yes,
all of you centenarians.
235
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:58,078
Well, be careful
of that back, now.
236
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,456
My arthuriasis are acting up.
237
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,916
Your arthuriasis.
238
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,668
Ooh, I love your muumuu.
239
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:08,922
Now, that is an appropriate use
of a muumuu, on a 100-year-old.
240
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,299
Thank you, Mrs. Howard.
241
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,717
You're welcome.
242
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,178
Oh, little miss Margaret.
243
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,096
Girl, you look fabulous.
244
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:19,600
Thank you. I'm you.
245
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,642
You who?
246
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,394
I'm dressed as you.
247
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,271
Well, why would you
be dressed as me?
248
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,939
'Cause you're 100 years old.
249
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,653
I am not 100 years old.
250
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,322
But you're the oldest
person we know.
251
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,990
You said you're a grandma.
252
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,659
Okay, first of all, the oldest
person you know is Mr. Johnson.
253
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,995
And secondly,
grandmothers can be young.
254
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,664
You're way older
than my grandma.
255
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,500
You're even older
than Ms. Teagues,
256
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,376
and she's like 50.
257
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,670
Ms. Teagues is neither
50 nor a grandmother.
258
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:49,630
Mrs. Howard. Yes?
259
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,006
Don't be sad.
260
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,175
You look great for 100.
261
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,927
Sure do, Barb.
262
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,595
You gotta tell me your secret.
263
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,723
I want to look that
good when I'm your age.
264
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,101
She's younger than me?
265
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:05,145
Damn. There I was
trying to be nice.
266
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,065
Oh, no. I am so sorry I
lost Sweet Cheeks, Melissa.
267
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,608
I don't want to
hear it right now.
268
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,318
The only thing that's important
is finding Sweet Cheeks.
269
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:13,320
Everyone knows that finding
a missing guinea pig
270
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,364
in the first 48
minutes is critical.
271
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,698
We need a picture.
What does he look like?
272
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,283
What do you mean, what
does he look like?
273
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:21,119
He's a guinea pig... brown
fur, white spots, whiskers.
274
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,412
You don't need to be nasty.
275
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,622
Last time I saw him, he
was wearing a red wig
276
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,207
and a pleather jacket.
277
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,251
How am I supposed to know what
his drip is gonna be today?
278
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,378
Okay, I got to take my
kids down to the library
279
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,879
for their 100th Day photos.
280
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,090
I'll look in there. You
take the teachers' lounge.
281
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,591
Okay. I'll take my closet.
282
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,759
Anyone else will
get lost in there.
283
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,302
Okay, search party on.
284
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,679
Meet you in the
cafeteria in 30 minutes.
285
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:39,930
Sweet Cheeks!
286
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,188
Hey, Ava.
287
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,482
Hey, just out of curiosity,
288
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,151
do you have a favorite
place you like to go?
289
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,320
The bank. Oh,
okay. Interesting.
290
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,281
And do you have, like,
a favorite thing?
291
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,408
Money. Hmm. Alright.
292
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,326
And what's something
you like to do for fun?
293
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,161
Take my money to the bank.
294
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,288
Now get away from me, Janine.
295
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:07,207
Okay, girlfriend.
296
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,418
Hey, so I have some
intel for you. Hey.
297
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,711
I'm just working on
something right now.
298
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,713
On places where you
can take Ava. Okay.
299
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,132
Have you ever heard of the
Department of the U.S. Treasury?
300
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,550
And you
would not believe it,
301
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:19,136
but she came dressed as me
302
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,680
because she thought
I was 100 years old.
303
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,141
Barb, these kids have no
idea how old any of us are.
304
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:26,727
Watch. Andrew, guess our ages.
305
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,854
Not touching that. Smart kid.
306
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,732
Stevenson, how old do
you think we all are?
307
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:32,649
49 years old.
308
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,650
Pretty close.
309
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:34,651
37 years old.
310
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,111
Spiritually, yeah.
311
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,863
And you're 19.
Well, thank you.
312
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,115
See, no idea how old we are.
313
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,158
63.
314
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:44,286
Why?! I'm poreless.
315
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,914
I don't know, your
cardigan, your pearls,
316
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,081
the way you wear your
phone around your neck.
317
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,416
It's practical.
318
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,252
Also, the way you talk like this.
319
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,630
You have a
diction from an olden time.
320
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,965
You know, you're a
mighty fresh young man.
321
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,843
And that doesn't mean
I like your outfit.
322
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,137
Hey, man. Yo, yo, yo.
323
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,015
So, about this Ava thing, huh?
324
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,850
You sure you want to
do this Ava thing?
325
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,144
You know she did
date Andre Iguodala.
326
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,604
She still might be.
327
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,481
Well, you know, if she
is, then she'll say no.
328
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,942
But if not, maybe
she'll say yes.
329
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,902
Yeah. Okay. Um...
330
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,237
Hypothetically speaking,
331
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:21,448
do you think you
could secure a boat
332
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,575
or, like, a yacht?
333
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,660
In Philly?
334
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:25,870
Yes.
335
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,294
Aha!
336
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,837
Man, what are you doing?
337
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,506
I was looking for Sweet Cheeks.
338
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,716
Thought he might be under there
in a "Ratatouille" situation.
339
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:43,053
Man, I don't need no damn
rodent to help me clean.
340
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,555
Anything? I thought
I had found him,
341
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,141
but it turned out to be a
mirage and/or an astigmatism.
342
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,018
I got nothing. I
can't believe this.
343
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,312
Jacob, you're dead to me,
and I mean it this time.
344
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,398
Okay, I am... I'm
so sorry, okay?
345
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,984
But we will find him,
alright? We can't lose hope.
346
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,736
You better hope that
we find him soon,
347
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,780
because there's about
to be a parade of kids
348
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,490
stomping through here.
349
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,535
No guinea pig should have
to face Timberlands, Jacob.
350
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,744
Timberlands.
351
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,541
Hello, Ava.
352
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,001
Ooh, what are you drawing there?
353
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,169
Marlon Brando as Vito Corleone.
354
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:18,797
Wow, that's actually very good.
355
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,507
What's up, Barb?
356
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,010
Well, Ava, you know,
you dress so well,
357
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,429
youthful, really.
358
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:26,763
You sound like you're
trying to borrow my car.
359
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:27,931
What's going on, Barbara?
360
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,683
I need a makeover.
Help me, please.
361
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:32,436
Oh. I've been waiting for
you to ask me for a makeover
362
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,854
since the moment we met.
363
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,480
It's time to throw out
those pearls, Barb.
364
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,317
Oh, no, these pearls will
be placed respectfully
365
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,319
in my pocketbook right
next to my peppermints.
366
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,737
Thank you.
367
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,822
But I was thinking, why
don't I stop by after work
368
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,282
so I can have a styling session?
369
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,325
No. Follow me.
370
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,202
Because why go to my place
371
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,414
when the clothes
can come to you?
372
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,584
Just got this bad boy installed.
373
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,919
Another "gift" courtesy
of Miles Nathaniel
374
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,838
and the team at
Girard Creek. Wow!
375
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,799
Ooh, I'm going to "Miss
Congeniality" you. Yes.
376
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,843
No, "Princess Diaries." Ooh!
377
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,929
Ooh, no, "Love &
Basketball." Ohh!
378
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,598
Ooh, "White Chicks."
379
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,850
Oh, wait. Sorry.
Wrong movie. Mnh.
380
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,144
Unless? Oh, no, no,
no, not that movie.
381
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,730
Those Olsen twins,
oh, they scare me.
382
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,315
Oh, no, that's...
383
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,609
Let's get to it.
384
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,194
Look over there.
385
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,279
Sweet Cheeks,
baby.
386
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,655
Come here.
387
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,908
Melissa, you sound
ridiculous. It goes like this.
388
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,618
Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-
bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk.
389
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:32,329
My God, there's a parade
about to start soon.
390
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,498
Chirp, chirp, chirp. And my
little stinker's out here alone
391
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,334
with terrible depth perception.
392
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,169
What are you doing, Jacob?
393
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,421
Uh, it's the Ellis method.
It's used by lifeguards.
394
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,256
It's the most efficient
way of scanning a...
395
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:45,884
Oh, no. I'm making
myself dizzy.
396
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,512
Oh, my God. You found him?
397
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,889
No, I see two sweet cheeks,
but it sure ain't your boy.
398
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:51,890
Oh.
399
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,308
Hello, everybody.
400
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,269
Um, I-I'm so sorry
that we are late.
401
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,605
Wow.
402
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,276
Alright, class, remember,
403
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:05,195
when the music starts, so do we.
404
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,322
Hey, Barbara. Hey, you okay?
405
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,074
Yes. I'm fine. Okay.
406
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,951
In more ways than one.
407
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,953
Yes, you are.
408
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:18,125
I see you, Mrs.
Howard. Okay, look.
409
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,043
Thank you, Krystal.
410
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,129
♪ Do you really want
to live forever? ♪
411
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:23,672
There you
are, you little bugger.
412
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:24,756
We've been worried sick.
413
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,133
Oh, you found him?
414
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,843
I did.
415
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,594
Mr. Johnson, that
is not Sweet Cheeks.
416
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,138
I know that.
417
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,473
You're not the only person
that loses things, Jacob.
418
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,934
Bad news. Something chewed
through these cables.
419
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,144
You guys might have mice.
420
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,229
Let me see that wire. Yeah.
421
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,814
That's not a mice bite.
422
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,816
That's a guinea pig nibble.
423
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,693
And it's fresh.
424
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,611
Sweet Cheeks is
around here somewhere.
425
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,738
Now a special surprise...
426
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,824
the Abbott Elementary
Step Team performing
427
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,951
to Kirk Franklin's "Stomp."
428
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,911
Um, okay, don't freak out.
429
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,747
They're gonna stomp him.
430
00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:01,001
No stomping, for
the love of God!
431
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,460
Stomp carefully.
432
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,963
♪ Glory, glory ♪
433
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,799
♪ Whoo! ♪
434
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,509
They should make an
announcement. Yeah, okay.
435
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,428
Stop stomping!
436
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,138
It's fine. He's probably
not even in this room.
437
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,056
Okay? Um...
438
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,893
♪ Going through something
that's really got me down ♪
439
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,186
I love this song.
440
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,938
Look at their moves.
Stomp carefully. No!
441
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,940
Stop it! Sorry, sorry.
442
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,401
♪ To help me come and... ♪
443
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,320
Barbara looks, uh, super fly.
444
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,238
Dressed to kill,
as some would say.
445
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,366
Oh, um, was she
wearing that earlier?
446
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,368
No, and I don't even know
where she got that outfit.
447
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,038
Avalicious Clothing Company,
where comfort comes second.
448
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,331
She said she wanted a makeover.
449
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,332
What? Why?
450
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,499
I don't ask why.
451
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,959
I just change lives
like "Queer Eye."
452
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,295
Not everyone gets into
everybody's business, Janine.
453
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:47,672
Well, I'm gonna look into
it. Of course you are.
454
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,508
Are her heels lopsided, or is
she bearing left for balance?
455
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,136
Alright. Whoo!
456
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,431
We're never gonna find him.
457
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:59,267
This is what I get for
opening my heart to love.
458
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,852
Look.
459
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,896
Wigs don't have legs.
460
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:05,899
Ah! Oh, my God. Oh!
461
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,400
Oh, I'm so sorry
I lost you, buddy.
462
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,486
Jacob, gimme, gimme, gimme.
463
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,112
You should have told me
he was wearing a wig.
464
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,531
I could have found him earlier.
465
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,534
Oh, Lord.
466
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,994
Hey, Barb.
467
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,371
Just wanted to pop by
468
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,249
and say how much I
love your new look.
469
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,750
Thanks, Janine.
470
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,293
Out of curiosity,
what inspired it?
471
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:28,171
Just wanted to try
something new. Mm.
472
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,589
Ava gave me these jeans. Mm.
473
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,633
Said a man named Florida
wrote a song about them.
474
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,426
Ah, yes.
475
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,011
Well, you are certainly gonna be
476
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,263
the coolest-looking grandma
477
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:39,057
this side of the
Pennsylvania Turnpike.
478
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,809
And there's that word again.
479
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:41,893
"Turnpike"? "Grandma."
480
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,187
Oh, yeah.
481
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,815
Is that what's getting to you?
482
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,859
Taylor's moving back home,
483
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,237
and she's gonna want me to
watch the baby all the time.
484
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,363
Isn't that a good thing?
485
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:55,407
Obviously, yes, it
is a good thing.
486
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,534
But what if it
becomes my whole life?
487
00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:00,495
I mean, what if I'm retired,
sitting at home in a muumuu,
488
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:03,081
watching my grandchild
before I joineth the Lord?
489
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,791
Damn, Barb, not joineth.
490
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,877
I'm just not ready to
be that old that fast.
491
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,380
Well, you don't have
to do it that way.
492
00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,591
And you can set
boundaries with Taylor.
493
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,385
And you get to decide what
kind of grandma you are.
494
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:17,429
By the way, you could never be
495
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,431
one of those
muumuu-wearing grandmas
496
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:23,184
because you're cool
and you're glam.
497
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,305
You're a glamma.
498
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,734
Janine...
499
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:34,863
you have gotten much
better about giving advice.
500
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:38,575
Well, I have this
wonderful mentor in my life
501
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,160
who taught me about
the importance
502
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,329
of setting boundaries.
503
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,290
And that person's
name... is Jacob.
504
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:48,336
Just kidding. It's
you. It's you.
505
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,382
Glamma.
506
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,176
Glamma. Right?
507
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,510
You know that has
a nice ring to it.
508
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:58,678
Yep.
509
00:18:58,679 --> 00:18:59,929
Yeah.
510
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,639
I'm gonna call Taylor
511
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,558
and have a nice
little chat with her.
512
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,643
Okay.
513
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:06,895
Where's your phone?
514
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,605
I have no idea. Oh.
515
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:10,899
You know, I do not know how
you young people do this
516
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,318
without phone necklaces.
517
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,362
Honestly, we drop a
lot of phones. Mm-hmm.
518
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,322
Yeah, you might be
onto something. Mm.
519
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,865
Oh, but I got my
gloss. Oh, good.
520
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,867
Yes. Come on, now.
Still need a phone.
521
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,702
Glamma, baby. Glamma.
522
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,287
So he rents out the out the
theater and the red carpet.
523
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,538
She thinks it's a
private premiere.
524
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:26,414
We can get a
carpet from anywhere.
525
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:27,791
Oh, hey. Hey, hey, hey.
526
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:29,000
How you doing? Good.
527
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,418
So we have been
talking. Uh-huh.
528
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,295
And we have figured out
the perfect date proposal.
529
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,546
You will need...
530
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,756
a helicopter. A helicopter.
531
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:36,466
Uber Blade.
532
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,426
Because she loves helicopters
and she loves "Blade."
533
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,804
Try to make it seem like
it's not a rideshare.
534
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,305
How would he pretend
it's not a rideshare?
535
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,723
We talked about
this, by pretending
536
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,475
to find something expensive
of his on the ground.
537
00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:47,060
But, like, what
expensive, though?
538
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,186
We didn't... Because
he's gonna say,
539
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,467
"Oh, my God, my
expensive watch."
540
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,148
You want to go on
a date with me?
541
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,442
Yes. Alright, I'll text you.
542
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,277
I know, I know. I'm
saying it can be anything.
543
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,154
It's not about that. Like a whole
chandelier? Like the whole thing?
544
00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,739
I'm just throwing out
opt... Like take it down?
545
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,032
Hey, oh, whoa. What happened?
Hey, hey, what happened?
546
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,325
Did she say yes?
547
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,077
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
548
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:07,372
Took all your wonderful
advice. Thanks, guys.
549
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,665
We slayed that.
550
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:09,833
Yeah. We...
551
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,418
Say "slay."
552
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:13,420
...did. Yeah.
553
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,796
She's gonna eat him alive.
554
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,047
I know. Mm-hmm.
555
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,049
You look really pretty, Mom.
556
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,884
Just something I'm trying today.
557
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,137
Sweetheart, I'm so excited
about your big news
558
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,180
and becoming a grandmother.
559
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,850
And your father and I, we
want to watch the baby,
560
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,727
but we can't provide
full-time childcare.
561
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,813
Of course, Mom. We get
it. And don't worry.
562
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,649
Paul's parents said that they
want to watch the baby, too.
563
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,609
Now, wait a minute.
That's my glamchild.
564
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:37,735
Your what?
565
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:41,364
Oh, I would like to
be called Glamma.
566
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:44,659
Um, see, Paul's mom is
actually going by that.
567
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,203
The hell she is!
568
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:51,249
Yes? I heard what
you did for Barbara.
569
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,334
I was wondering if you could
give me a little zhuzh.
570
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:54,753
I only have women's clothes.
571
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,713
Well, I'm game.
572
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,257
Hold this.
573
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:02,051
Hey, is this me?
574
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,596
Yeah, sure.
575
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,058
Here, try this.
576
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,311
Ha.
577
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:14,898
Holy Cowboy Carter.
I look incredible.
578
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:17,984
Yee... and allow me
to stress... haw.
579
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:20,404
Ah! Yeah.
41691
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