Original subtitles

- All right. Now, follow me, partner. Lead on, brother.

We are talking The Blue Ridge Mountains: Cozy Cabins for Couples in Love.

- Are you with a brother? - Oh.

Oh, Dwayne, you don't have to take me to the mountains and run into a cabin.

- We can come out of the closet here, baby. - Stop! Stop!

- Ron, stop it. - What are you talking about?

Whitley and I, we need a break, all right?

You can either take your sorry comedy act on the road,

or you and Freddie can come in on this rental,

go half and half, have fun.

That's not gonna work, homie, I got a club to run.

Besides, Freddie's feeling a bit under the weather,

so I'll be at home playing nurse,

or should I say, Dr. Feel Good?

You better stick with "nurse."

Spencer won't be able to keep his sweaty palms off of you.

Look what it says right here.

"Couples fall in love for the second time."

Would you get off that freeway?

I've only known him for four months,

- and he is fine. - Mm-hmm.

No, but we're not that serious. I can't do it.

This could change all of that for you, Kimberly.

Dwayne and I could be an influence on you.

Why would I want influence from a married couple?

- We want to have fun. - Hey, hey, hey. I heard that.

We have fun all the time.

- We have lots of fun. - We have lots of fun.

Ron said no, baby.

So did my former friend, Kimberly Reese.

I love you, Dwayne,

but this broke thing is getting on my nerves.

I really want to go on that trip.

Before you all cry yourself a river,

maybe I can recommend a couple.

Who, Mr. Gaines?

Oh, it doesn't matter, Dwayne, as long as we can go.

In that case, me and my little kumquat

will meet you in the mountains.

- Your kumquat? - Yeah. Velma will be ecstatic.

Besides, that open air will do her nasal condition kindly.

A kumquat with a nasal condition.

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me Come what may ?

? Come what may ?

? I realize that I'm ready ?

? I'm ready ?

? 'Cause I finally heard them say ?

? I heard them say ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? A different world ?

? Now, here's our chance to make it ?

? Here's our chance ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? Focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it We can take it ?

? We can take it ?

? Just remember that you've been told ?

? That it's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from, yeah ?

Well, now, I want The Pit to run as if I was here.

Now, Lena James, Charmaine, closing procedures.

First of all-

First, you turn off the grill, put all dairy in the fridge

clean, sweep, mop, kiss me good night,

turn off the lights, lock the door, and sayonara.

Oh, I forgot one thing.

Lena James,

surprise me tomorrow and be on time for a change.

Keep puckering up. I got something else you can kiss.

Oh, come on, you two. Listen.

Charmin� Charmaine, employee of the month.

Five months.

I appoint you Pit supervisor for the weekend.

- What? - Yeah.

If anything goes wrong, call Kimberly Reese.

I already asked her to check in on you.

If I didn't know better, Mr. Gaines, I'd think you didn't trust us.

Don't talk silly. If you knew any better, you would know I don't trust you.

Well, it won't be long now, traveling partners.

Velma will be here in a minute.

We're counting the seconds, right, baby?

Fifty-nine, 58, 57, 56�

I talked to my friend, Wooster,

that lent me and Velma the cabin 40 years ago.

He says we can have his cabin free.

- Free, as in no money? - That's what Wooster said.

All I got to do is pick up the phone and call him.

- Use our calling card. - Okay.

- Hi, Vernon. - There she is.

Hello, cutie-pie couple. Say "cheese."

Cheese.

- Have you met our son Darnell? - Don't believe we have.

How you doing?

He's staying with us till he gets back on his feet.

He's had a string of bad luck, lately, but he's very talented.

Do Sidney Poitier, baby.

Mama, you got to get off of my back.

But I'm so hungry, I can eat a chili burger,

a chili dog, and some chili fries,

and don't forget the apple pie.

Okay, baby, that's good.

That's enough. Now, don't get nervous.

Your daddy's over there. Go ahead and ask him.

- But, Mama� - Go ahead and ask, Mama's baby.

Yo, Dad�

I suppose you come to say goodbye.

Well, I'll see you in a few days.

Since I've been home, I can't get a word with you.

The Pit keeps me busy, and I got that new nightclub.

I better call Ron right now

and make sure that he knows what he's doing.

No, no, no. The Pit is one thing you don't have to worry about.

I was thinking that maybe I could�

I could help you out running The Pit.

Why?

Darnell, let me talk to your daddy. Come here, Vernon.

What is wrong with you?

I don't know, but I know you're about to tell me.

Don't you see our son Darnell is dying to help you.

Why can't you give him a chance?

Because the boy don't know how to do anything right.

Vernon, if you're cold-hearted enough to hurt our one and only son,

then go right on ahead.

Tell our baby you won't let him run The Pit.

Baby, I won't let you run The Pit.

- No, the truth is� - No, no, no, no.

The truth is that you don't think I can swing it.

I can't say that I blame you,

but this is a different Darnell.

If you give me a chance, I'm going to show you just that, Dad, I promise.

Well, all right.

All right. I'm going to turn my apron over to you.

All right.

- Charmin� Charmaine. - Yes, Mr. Gaines?

Uh, change of plan.

My son here, Darnell,

is going to be Pit supervisor.

You're vice Pit supervisor.

- Nice to meet you, Charmaine. - Yeah. The pleasure's all yours.

Oh, Velma, it's just like I remembered it.

- Vernon� - Uh-huh?

�forty years ago, you carried me over the threshold.

- Yes, I did. - Well?

Well, but 40 years later, I have a hernia.

Vernon!

I wonder what's keeping those two so long.

I guess they're still stretching.

Maybe we shouldn't have taken the Volkswagen.

After all, they had to sit in that backseat for five hours.

Dwayne, with his long legs, and poor Whitley,

with all the bags we threw in the back,

she had to keep her head turned toward the window.

At least she got to look at the scenery.

Here they come now. Hey!

What do you think?

There's bedrooms over here, Whitley.

Yoo-hoo! Baby, over here.

Dwayne, I cannot stand this any longer.

Okay, baby. Okay.

- Gently. Easy. - Okay.

Okay.

- Thank you. - Now you do me, baby, please.

Okay.

- There you go, Tin Man. - Thank you, Dorothy.

Mr. Gaines, on the ride home, tie me to the roof.

I could use the legroom.

So, this is your little cabin in the sky.

- Yeah. - It's got that old feel to it.

That� real old feel.

What you mean, dear, is "old-fashioned."

No, what she means is "old."

Oh.

- You both are two little Richard Pryors. - Uh-huh.

I'm going down the road

- and get some grub and make a phone call. - Good.

- Vernon� - Yeah?

Darnell is watching The Pit.

Now, please don't tell me you're worried.

I won't tell you I'm worried, Velma.

Oh. Uh, where's the little girl's room?

Oh. Straight out the front door and right down to the left.

Are you saying I must venture outside to use the facilities?

Well, no. Uh, you can stay inside and hold it.

Uh, I hear that my cheffing is not to your liking.

Well, your cheffing is to be complimented, but�

These burgers got to go.

What he really means is, they really don't quite taste like� food.

Yeah, they're bouncing, man.

- I'll prepare your burgers again. - That'd be nice.

Prepare to go to that cash register and give us back our money.

We ain't laughing, but these burgers is kinda funny.

Right. So you can come here with that ol' funny-looking hat,

looking like Hadji from Jonny Quest�

then turn around and call this funny?

So, what you trying to say, man?

What I'm tryin' to say, man? You want me to get you a mirror?

Huh? No, no. On second thought, it's enough that you're already ugly.

Why waste eight years of bad luck?

It's seven, stupid.

No. You get eight years for wearing that hat.

Come on, man.

You better get on out of here.

I need a batch of Mr. Gaines' famous okra soup.

Well, Knee-high, it's your lucky day,

'cause it just got new and improved.

"Knee-high"?

He's bossing everybody around acting like he's all that.

You mean acting like you.

Lena, whose side are you on?

Neither, 'cause I don't like either one of y'all.

You see, I'm not cheap with my customers,

and always, service with a smile.

Brother, put your teeth back in your head, man.

- I'll get it. - No, no, no, I'll get it, okay?

I'm the man in charge. You just get back there on that grill.

Hello, Pit supervisor speaking, service with a smile.

Oh, oh, oh. Hey, Dad. How you doing?

No, no, everything's fine. Yes, sir, everything's ship-shape.

Uh�

Charmaine, what's that burning?

The kitchen.

Why don't you tell us about the olden days

when y'all were newlyweds like me and my Dwayne.

Forget about that.

I want to hear about how smooth big daddy Gaines was

when he proposed to you.

Go ahead and tell him, Velma. She knows how smooth I was.

Well, I had just finished with choir rehearsal,

when Vernon showed up to walk me home.

I didn't want to come right out and ask her to marry me,

but I knew she had a sweet tooth,

so I brought her some Hershey chocolate.

Yummy.

I had a feeling marriage was on his mind.

Lord, my hands got so hot and sweaty

that by the time I unwrapped the chocolate, it had all melted.

So, I ended up licking the chocolate off the wrapper.

Ooh, baby!

And I ended up licking the chocolate off her fingers.

- Ooh! - Ooh, Vernon.

And by the time I got to the thumb,

she said "yes."

That's the way to do it, Daddy.

All right, now, Vernon, let's not corrupt these young folks.

Oh, that's okay, Mrs. Gaines. We're taking notes.

When Darnell was born, were you in the delivery room?

Oh, good heavens, no.

Why would any father miss that?

If they was Darnell's daddy, they would.

When my son was born, a fastball smacked Willie Mays in the tenderloins.

I believe it was a omen.

Vernon, I have already told you about putting down Darnell.

Oh, Velma, I'm just joking with the peoples.

Richard Pryor, remember?

Has it ever occurred to you

that a father is not supposed to judge his son?

He's supposed to guide him.

That's what I've been doing.

What you been is too hard on the boy.

I'm tired of him being a boy. It's time for him to be a man.

You know, if it was up to his mama, he'd still be runnin' around in diapers.

- Oh! It's on now, honey. - Sure is.

Was that Hershey's chocolate with or without nuts?

So his shortcomings are all of my fault?

I don't know. Maybe it was both of us, but it's on him now.

If he messes up this time, that's it.

I'm not going to let him think he can run around, come in the house,

sit on our couch, and stare at the walls.

Whitley, this evil, old, nasty man

is sympathetic toward everybody else, but his own flesh and blood.

Vernon, you fed up with Darnell?

Well, I am fed up with you.

Whitley, you are my roommate tonight.

- In the bed? - Yes, in the bed, and don't stay up late.

- Velma! - And good night, Dwayne!

Velma! Velma!

Velma!

Don't think you're the only one who know how to slam a door!

If you do, you got another thought coming!

Wait, Mr. Gaines.

Mr�

I don't want to sleep with Velma.

Don't start that, please.

Darnell, never cook pig feet without cleaning them in vinegar.

What? What are you saying? Man, I'm trying to sleep.

Soak them in vinegar, and then boil them in water.

Okay, okay, okay. All right, that's it.

That's it, that's it.

- Dwayne� - Quiet, baby. I'm killing Mr. Gaines.

This weekend is not what we planned.

- I know. - We can't even sleep together.

We can't do the nasty�

Hey, hey, hey. I got an idea.

How about I take you outside, strip you down,

and we do the nasty in the outhouse?

I'm not going out there, Dwayne. There are bears out there.

Girl, the way I'll have you hollering, a bear won't come within 100 yards.

Come on.

- Tabasco sauce and black pepper� - Shut up, old man!

Velma!

Vernon, did you scream?

- No. Did you? - No.

Hey, what happened?

A big, bad skunk got us.

It smells like a big, bad super skunk sprayed you to me.

I need water. I need soap.

I must cleanse my body.

That's not going to help you.

You got to scrub yourself in tomato juice.

That's right. Can we borrow the car and run to the A&P?

Honey, there is no A&P, only Carver's General Store,

and he's closed nights and weekends.

"Let's go out into the outhouse and do the nasty."

All right, sweetie, sweetie.

I really think that Whitley and I should sleep together

being that we stink,

and you should sleep together 'cause you smell like people.

Uh-uh. I'd rather sleep with the skunk.

- The feeling is mutual. - Well, good.

Whitley, come on. I got some perfume you can use.

That girl Cher sells it.

Dwayne, crack that window up there, please.

Better yet, open that door. Take it off the hinges.

Mr. and Mrs. Gaines,

you've been married for a very long time.

You love each other. There's no need for all this hostility.

Yeah. This is killing him.

All night in bed, he kept calling your name, "Velma, Velma�"

Now, that's strange.

He usually talks about pig's feet.

That's 'cause I don't want to hear you snore� ol' yeller.

How about we just say one, nice, loving thing

to the other person?

Okay. Vernon�

I love every strand of hair on your head.

Perhaps we should have begun with you, Mr. Gaines.

Well, Velma,

I love every strand of hair on your chin.

Twenty, 30, 40, 50, 55�

This is the third time I've counted this money

and we're still ten dollars short.

We? You're the only one working that cash register.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not pointing the finger at anybody, all right?

But I'm going to close my eyes�

and by the time I open them, I want the money right here.

Come on, I know. Put the money right�

the money�

Don't take nothin', just reach in your pocket.

I won't tell nobody. Just put it right there.

Hi. Hi, I'm Kim Reese.

Oh! So, you the famous Kim Reese, huh?

You know, my father talks about you like you one of his.

- Well� - Hey, look here, I'm Darnell Gaines.

I'm Mr. Gaines' son.

- So, you're Darnell. - Yeah.

Oh, I heard a lot about you, too.

Wait. Anything good?

So, you're Darnell.

Don't sweat it. My father couldn't brag much about me

graduating from college, or getting into med school or anything.

Wow, you've been really busy.

Yeah, well, Lena and Charmaine, they messy.

They got mustard and flour on the bathroom of the gymnastics team.

We have a problem.

See, this here is what happened

when I gave my woman your new and improved okra soup.

Man, she threw it at you?

No, she threw up on me, Holmes.

I'll be sending you the clean-up bill.

- Okay, Ron, calm down. - Calm down? Look at my sweaties!

Wait a second, Kim. I can handle my customers.

Looky here, Knee-high.

If you think I'll pay for that, man, you're crazy.

Knee-high about to get a lot crazier.

Mr. Gaines will be here tomorrow. Everything will be straightened out.

We don't need my father here tomorrow.

I'm here right now. I'm in charge.

Lena, get back there and hit them dishes.

- What? Hit them dishes? - That's right.

I'd like to know who you think you're talking to.

Obviously, somebody who used to work here, 'cause you fired.

You ain't nobody to be firing me.

Lena and I are a team. You can't split us up.

That's a good point�

'cause you fired, too.

- Is this your picture? - Don't you do that.

- Look at this. - Don't you play with me.

Look, look, look� Ooh! Bye.

No, he didn't. I'm going to kill you, Darnell!

Kick him!

What are you doing to that girl?

Dad! You're home early.

- Hi, Mr. Gaines. - Mama! Get her off me.

Get off my baby's back now.

Darnell, explain yourself.

He tried to fire me, Mr. Gaines.

- My best employee? - And me, too!

- Fire my worst employee? - What?

Oh, my goodness. What else have you done?

How you gonna say that?

I know what you're thinking, Dad!

I thought you said you had everything shipshape.

Maybe I exaggerated a little bit.

If I had a nickel for every time you exaggerate�

Your place would be called "Tavern on the Green."

You asked me for a chance, and you let yourself down.

Just like you said I would.

You always said I was a loser.

I never called you a loser, never.

No. That's a nickel for me, Dad.

When I came back home, your eyes said "loser."

Oh, shoot.

When I told you I lost my job,

- the way you walked away said "loser." - No such thing.

When I was seven, you put training wheels on my bike,

you were ashamed to take me to the park

where other fathers were teaching their kids to ride.

What?

I knew then I'd never be the son you wanted me to be.

Darnell, I put training wheels on your bike,

because I didn't know how to ride a bike.

Wait a second.

You don't know how to ride a bike?

Oh. Maybe I was wrong. I can't blame nobody but myself.

I mean, it's on me.

I keep trying to be the boy you want me to be,

but maybe I was wrong.

I can't swing it.

So why don't I just save you the trouble and throw my own self out your house?

I'm not freeloading anymore. I'll get out there and get it together.

All right, son. I really want to believe that.

It's not what you believe, 'cause I'm not doing it for you this time.

See, I'm doing it for me, Darnell Gaines.

All right.

Hm. Good luck.

If there's anything I can do,

if there's anything you need�

No. If there's anything you need.

All right.

All right, Mr. Gaines.

Now, Velma, after 40 years, I know what you're going to say.

Uh-huh. Darnell, get back in here and clean up this kitchen, boy!

Yes. Oh!

Yes, thank you, darling.

I like this tomato stuff.

I think it's an aphrodisiac, don't you, Dwayne?

You just shut up and scrub me, stinky.

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