Original subtitles

Can't be late, Pookie.

I must go educate tomorrow's leaders.

All right. Go teach the world, baby.

Remember, Friday is the birthday dinner,

so don't accept dates from little munchkins.

I remember. Dinner, just the two of us.

So romantic.

And intimate.

Now, it's my birthday.

You know me, Dwayne. Less is more.

Since when? Get out of here.

- You're so funny. - Yeah.

- You ought to be on Def Comedy Jam. - Yeah.

I'll call Russell and see what we can do.

Kim? Kim?

Hey, listen�

Don't do that to me.

Okay, listen, I added a few more people I think Whitley would want there.

That many?

The more people, the more attention for Whitley.

I say buy her a mirror and call it a day.

No, my baby deserves this birthday bash. She's gonna be so surprised.

She thinks we're having a little romantic dinner for two.

But I'mma tell her, "Baby, I left my briefcase at The Pit."

- That's good. - She'll be so surprised.

She'll be like, "Dwayne, Dwayne, Dwayne!"

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me Come what may ?

? Come what may ?

? I realize that I'm ready ?

? I'm ready ?

? 'Cause I finally heard them say ?

? I heard them say ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? A different world ?

? Now, here's our chance to make it ?

? Here's our chance ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? Focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it We can take it ?

? We can take it ?

? Just remember that you've been told ?

? That it's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from, yeah ?

Listen here, Mademoiselle.

Now, do you see where I'm going?

He.

Mademoiselle�

She.

He. Merci, mademoiselle.

That's how it's supposed to go.

Professor, I'm sorry.

- I can't work with these people. - I see that.

Mademoiselle Devereaux, I suggest you meditate

on the word fraternit�.

It means "brotherhood."

Working together, getting beyond moi.

Oui, Madame.

- Now, who will be my next volunteer? - Ow!

Ah, Monsieur Walker.

And Mademoiselle Brown.

Mademoiselle Brown.

Now, Terrell,

You will be the waiter, le gar�on,

and Charmaine, you shall be the customer.

Fabulous.

Oh!

Oh, no! No! No! No more.

Please, I beg you.

Charmaine, you are not going to eat a little dog for dinner.

Go to your seats in shame.

She told you, girl.

As I return your quizzes, let me inform you

that your midterm will be on Friday, and it's oral.

Please make individual appointments with me.

Hold on. A "D?" How can I get a "D" if you're grading on a curve?

Because Mademoiselle Devereaux got a perfect score.

It's lonely at the top.

Dismissed.

- What did you get, Charmaine? - There's a "C" where my grade should be.

Excuse me, Professor, there's a misprint on my test.

Face la musique, cherie.

You received a "C," and may I suggest

that Mr. Walker and you find a tutor tout de suite.

A "C?"

Oh, gosh! I'm having breathing troubles.

It's just a "C."

I have a 4.0 to protect, Gina.

Me, too.

Not anymore.

Okay, Dwayne wants us here at 7:30. So don't be late, and bring a gift.

And don't buy anything cheap 'cause that's my department.

Darling, one day I look forward to celebrating your birthday with you.

Why? You gonna throw me a party?

Let's just say there will be jubilation.

See you after lab, all right?

Ya, man.

Ah�

May I help you, Ron?

No. Looks like you got your hands full.

Go ahead, girl.

We still on for tonight, Lena?

Most definitely. Um, I rented some movies.

Didn't have Beauty and the Beast, so I got�

Beethoven and Home Alone.

Why didn't you just rent Mary Poppins?

Just because we're not getting busy

doesn't mean you have to hit the kiddie rack.

You want to be alone in a dark room with me

watching She's Gotta Have It?

I never saw Home Alone.

Je ne re�

Je ne re�

Je ne re�

Is that your mating call, or do you just got phlegm?

- I'm practicing my French, Mr. Gaines. - Oh.

Bonjour, Mr. Gaines.

Oh, bonjour right back to you, Frenchy.

And what does that mean?

It means she knows French and we don't.

First time in my life I stink.

Well, I can write it, just not speak it.

You can just carry a blackboard around Paris.

Jerk.

All right, all right, girlfriend.

I won't make you beg this time.

Mademoiselle Gina is available for tutoring. We can start now.

Me come to you for help in something scholastic?

Not in this lifetime.

Fine. Terrell, I guess it's just me, you, and your little "D."

Gina, me and my "D" don't need a tutor with an attitude.

It's just as well, Terrell,

because French is the language of love,

which means you'll never know it.

That means you'll speak it to anybody.

Okay, Terrell, for the fifth time�

how do you say� "hat?"

- Chat. - No!

That means cat!

I need an aspirin.

- When are you coming back? - Never!

Never?

Jay� jee� ju� joo� ja�

Wait a minute, Jacques! I'm getting the hang of it!

- Jah, jwah - - Oh, see?

That's it� Jwah!

In my two years as the president of the Hillman French Club,

I have never encountered two such hopeless cases.

The night simply isn't long enough.

Here's your 20 dollars back.

Bonjour, Madame.

Vive la France.

Je m'appelle Charmaine.

Je m'appelle, I'm going to fail.

Bonjour, Madame.

Je m'appelle, I'mma fail.

Vive la France.

Je m'appelle, I'mma fail.

- Bonjour, Madame. - Je m'appelle Charmaine.

- Vive la France. - I'mma fail, je m'appelle.

I'mma fail.

You, too.

We gonna fail.

We going to fail.

We going to fail.

Je m'appelle.

We going to fail!

Can you hear me, Brad?

- Vern, make baby sounds. - Okay�

Baa! Baa!

Vern, that sounds like a sheep. Baby sounds.

- Waa! Waa! - That's good. Come on in.

I love this thing. I love this baby monitor.

We'll be able to hear Imani's first words no matter what room we're in.

- You're gonna do great. - Yeah. Come on, man.

Come on, Terrell, stay with me. Think of your GPA.

Give me a break. We've been up all night.

If we knew the questions in advance�

Will she quiz us on vocabulary, make us recite verbs, what?

I'm ready to pay disguised tutors to take the test.

That's cheating. It's despicable and disgusting.

Besides, you'll never find anybody cute enough to be me.

- Is it on? - It's on. Yeah.

- It's on. - Right. I love this.

What's better than a French tutor?

A baby monitor.

Oh! Rookie Mutombo with the slam.

- Barkley coming back with the rebound. - Yeah.

He coming down the court.

He fake, he dribble, elbow over on the head�

Barkley with three!

Ay, ay, ay. What are you doing?

Watch out, man.

Dwayne, are these your papers or Whitley's?

Whitley's. Why?

I thought the party was a surprise.

What do you mean?

Well, this looks like the guest list.

In her handwriting.

Whitley's in on her own surprise party.

- Oh, sukie, sukie. - Hmm.

Uh-uh. Not this time.

Whitley wants a surprise, I'm going to give her one. Mm-hmm.

Hey, how come I'm not on the list?

I can't cheat. What was I thinking?

You were thinking about that big fat "C."

Look, it's simple. Gina comes down the stairs,

we drop this in her backpack, off she goes to class,

and we trail her by up to 50 feet, and boo-yah!

Instant knowledge of what's on the test.

I can't do it, Terrell.

Hey, look at this face.

Can't you see it's hurting my conscience, too?

No.

But you'd have been better prepared for a written test, right?

Right. We worked as hard as two people could.

Right. Gina's from Martinique.

She grew up speaking French. It's cheating.

- Right. - Right.

No, no, I can't. I never have, never will.

We ain't talking about your sex life. We're talking about saving your butt.

Yeah, yeah, you look fine.

I asked what time it was.

It's one o'clock, Gina.

Oh, time for my exam and time for you to drop French. Eh?

Gina, I don't blame you for not wanting to help us.

I know it's our responsibility to learn on our own,

but I just want to put this incident behind us

and get back to being friends.

All right. That's so touching.

Touching, truly touching.

But I can't help you, homie.

Au revoir.

You just did.

Au revoir.

Okay, Kimmie, this is good. You added the names to the guest list that I wanted.

Did you dissuade Dwayne from getting that greasy fried chicken?

Yes. He got you a shrimp platter.

Fresh, not frozen?

Once again, I am so sorry you lassoed me into this mess.

I should have told Dwayne

the moment you found out about the surprise party.

You did the right thing. Calm down.

How else would I get the party I wanted?

Besides, I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for Dwayne.

Come again?

Just think how excited he'll be

when I walk into this room full of adoring people

in my brand-new dress from my mama.

I practiced three surprised looks.

Watch.

Oh, my lord.

Three?

Three is the best one, I think.

- Excuse me. Hi. - Hi.

Don't invite her.

Let us start with a conversation at the grocery store.

What's wrong with this?

- You put batteries in? - Yes.

Maybe they haven't started the test yet.

Are there voices coming from your bag?

- Turn up the volume. - That sounds like Terrell.

We're supposed to hear something.

Maybe we're not close enough.

Yes, you are.

It says the transmitter's effective up to 50 feet.

- Is this the transmitter or the- - Yes, the transmitter-

Terrell, stop talking now.

Professor Porter, look what we just found.

Oh, mon dieu.

Mon dieu.

Oh, mon dieu, whoa!

Okay, baby, let's go.

Yes. Let's go out to dinner.

Oh, man!

What's wrong?

My briefcase.

What about it?

- I left it at The Pit. - The Pit?

Oh. How inconvenient.

Baby, would you mind if we swung by and got it?

No. Let's go to The Pit.

Okay, Dwayne, you realize I could have just waited in the car.

Baby, I need you to help me find my briefcase.

Okay, I'll help.

Let's see if it's in here.

Come on, baby, help me look.

Maybe it's in the kitchen.

Oh. Here it is.

I got it.

Hey, Whit?

- Baby. - Huh?

- I got it. - Oh.

What's so funny?

It was something I was thinking about from earlier.

Come on, Baby, let's go.

Where?

- To the restaurant. It's down the street. - Oh.

Hit the lights for me, baby.

- "Hit the lights"? - Yeah.

Whitley!

Come on, Charmaine. Nobody thinking about you.

I feel so humiliated.

You think I'm proud of it? I haven't cheated since third grade.

I feel like the whole school is talking about us.

Ain't nobody thinking about you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Miss Thing. You got caught cheating today, didn't you?

Except her.

I didn't know you had it in you, Miss Goody-goody.

Please.

Charmaine, I know it's unlike you to stoop to such contemptible deceit.

- But our God is a forgiving God. - Word.

You know what else?

The hardest part is gonna be forgiving yourself.

Good luck, sister.

Woe is me.

At least Professor isn't reporting us to the honor board.

We got a "F" on our midterms, Terrell.

Damn, you're a bad influence on me.

Well, if it isn't America's Most Stupid.

I might not have done this if you hadn't acted high and mighty, Gina.

How about when you made fun of me in math class?

I felt bad because you were doing better than me.

I didn't know I could be so ugly.

Come on, now. I've seen you in the morning.

I'm sorry, Charmaine.

I'm sorry, too.

I didn't mean to go there.

I just felt so good being better than you for once.

I got to hit the books.

I gotta work my tail off to even get a passing grade.

I'll help you.

You will?

Yeah, I'll help you.

Mercy.

This is not Marvin Gaye, it's merci.

Oh. Merci.

Yeah, you're going to need a lot of help.

Baby, you're not eating.

I'm just overwhelmed by the ambiance.

- Can I have that wing? - Mm-hmm.

You keep looking at the door, expecting somebody?

No.

Are you sure?

Why?

I don't know. Maybe I have a surprise for you. Eh?

I knew it.

I knew it, Dwayne.

? Happy Easter, happy Fourth of July ?

? I hope you're happy With your birthday bean pie ?

Hey!

Now blow that out.

Go, baby.

I wrote that, baby. I wrote that.

? Happy Easter, happy Fourth of July ?

? I hope you're happy with- ?

What did you do with my party?

- Party? What party? - Don't play games with me, Dwayne.

Don't play games with you?

Where is everybody? What did you do with it?

Wait. Are you telling me that you know something about some party?

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

How about you just say, "Honey, I planned the whole thing?"

Okay. So what If I did? I deserve it.

I've been to hell and back this year. I spent my honeymoon in the LA riots.

I've been living with your thrift shop furniture. I lost my job.

I went to unemployment for the first time in my life.

I've been teaching those little monsters and flipping flapjacks.

You bet I planned this party!

Now I got my hair done and I got my new dress on,

and I want my party. I want my shrimp.

What about me, baby?

I invited you.

I, I, I, I, I.

I'm talking about what about me, huh?

Who was there with you through the riots and robberies?

- You were. - Okay.

And I love you, Dwayne.

It's because of this love

that I just want you to give the best surprise party you've ever given-

You can do better than that.

What's the matter with you?

You didn't think my party would be good enough?

So what, you get chicken instead of shrimp?

Why didn't you let me do it for you? I would have liked to try.

You got a control problem, baby.

Okay, you're right, and I'm sorry.

What did you do with my party?

I canned the party.

- You canned it? - Yes.

That's what I said, isn't it? I canned it.

Excuse me.

You want that chicken to go, baby?

Hey, baby, put this in the refrigerator for me, please?

Surprise!

? Happy Easter, happy Fourth of July ?

? We hope you like Your happy birthday bean pie ?

? Happy birthday, hey! ?

? Happy birthday, hey! ?

? Happy birthday, hey! ?

? Happy birthday, ho! ?

? Happy birthday, ho! ?

? Happy birthday, ho! ?

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