Original subtitles

Mm-mm. Baby, no, I got to brush my teeth.

But it's okay, Dwayne.

I like you au naturel.

Like me.

Dwayne?

You don't have to go right now.

You still have time. Come back to bed.

No, baby, I got to go. I got to go.

I love you, babe.

Then why don't you show it?

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me Come what may

? Come what may ?

? I realize that I'm ready ?

? I'm ready ?

? 'Cause I finally heard them say ?

? I heard them say ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? A different world ?

? Now, here's our chance to make it ?

? Here's our chance ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? Focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it We can take it ?

? We can take it ?

? Just remember that you've been told ?

? That it's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from, yeah ?

- You know what? Yeah.

It's amazing. I don't even feel guilty this morning.

That's good, Freddie.

I mean, all we did was kiss platonically, right?

- Come here, you. - Yeah.

Freddie, if we're caught,

- we're dead. - Right.

Oh, I see.

See what?

It's you.

You stay away from my Dwayne.

Your dog is rubbing off on him.

Leaves before dawn, comes back at midnight.

Not that I care. It's no reflection on me.

It's not my fault I haven't seen him in three, four� eight days.

- Are you saying- - I'm not saying anything.

Least of all not to you, pig.

And, Ron, you have been warned.

Dwayne, mi amor, I finally found you.

Hey, baby, I can't do lunch. I'm here to grab coffee.

How would you like to grab this?

Whitley, what are you doing?

In The Pit in front of my students?

But I thought you'd� They said in Cosmo-

I don't care what Cosmo said. Go home!

I bought Velma one of those, but she wouldn't wear it.

Montel in the house.

Say, "Ho."

- Ho! - Who?

Montel Williams, her new man.

He comes on at 4:00 p.m. now.

Do you know she changed all her classes for him?

Don't forget, everybody, 4:00 p.m., Height Hall, Montel.

Wait, wait, wait. Gina changed all of her classes to watch a talk show?

That's why I need some new roommate.

Hey, Kim, you need to talk to your girl. She's losing her mind.

- More so than usual? - Much more than usual.

Come on. Be happy you have someone.

I wish I had someone to complain about. I wish I had a love life.

Yeah, me too.

I mean, marriage is cool.

It's really cool.

It's like a comfort zone, you know.

But, you know, Kim,

when you leave that zone at dawn, you're on your own.

No matter how tired you get, you still got to pay the Amex.

No matter how beat down you are,

you still got to pay a $2,500 insurance bill

on a Mercedes you ain't even allowed to drive.

But that's okay.

Your mate might even lose her job,

but that's cool, 'cause you're young,

and 17 hours a day of hard work, that won't kill you.

I'm late for my two o'clock.

Hey, baby, don't look so down.

Come on. We'll talk later.

- Hello. - Hi, Whit.

Kimberly! Oh, I'm so glad you called me.

Well, um, actually, I was calling about Dwayne.

Really?

I saw him in The Pit today

and he seemed kind of troubled.

Well, Kimberly, um, rest assured

whatever your concern is, I've got it covered.

I know my husband and his every need.

You think so, huh?

That's right. Just keep your little nose in the formaldehyde bottle

and let me worry about grown-up things.

Sometimes I could just slap you.

My, my.

Listen, Dwayne is under a lot of pressure right now.

Totally self-imposed.

He needs to talk to you.

- He's got my number. - Whitley, you're such a joy.

All you care about is Dwayne!

No! Calm down.

Read my lips, Kimberly Reese, I've got my marriage under control!

Men who fall out of love quick

and the women who love them�

Next, on Montel Williams.

Yes! Go, Montel.

Excuse me, is there a head-wagging convention

and no one told me?

No, Kim, we just watching Montel.

You know gatherings of this size must be approved by either me or Freddie.

- You guys know that. - Oh, I knew.

Oh, but you didn't tell me.

Well, I hadn't seen you yet.

Maybe you should start leaving notes since you're not around much anymore.

- How you doing? - What's up?

What do you mean not around much?

Hey, Kim, don't walk away from me.

Caller, I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

That's quite all right, Montel.

You had a question or comment?

I love your show.

I think bald men are so strong.

That's Whitley.

That's Whitley!

Well, thank you very much.

Now can you tell me, why are you calling?

I'm having a teeny-weeny sexual problem with my husband.

A teeny sexual problem in your marriage?

Now, wait, wait, what are you saying, caller?

That's good, Montel.

That's real good. Call me "Caller."

All right, your husband courted you, and what happened?

And things were good. Things were good.

Just "things?"

Well, you know, like his intellect.

His sense of humor, his charm�

his lips.

The sweet smell of his hair after his morning shower�

You got married and then he stopped taking showers?

I wish it were that simple, Montel.

But, alas, it is not.

- Whit, it's an hour's show. Come on, girl. - Really?

I heard what that gentleman said in that horrific polyester tie

about how women don't try to stay sexy for their men.

But I do try to stay sexy. I've done everything.

I cook. I clean.

I even have a pair of black lace panties with little bells on the front.

Little bells? That could get noisy, couldn't it?

- Okay. All right. - And guess what?

Pookie always calls me "bunny," you know?

So one day, I had a little rabbit painted on my derriere,

like a tattoo.

- It lasted for a whole week.

Poor Mrs. Wayne. Nobody to pet that bunny.

Well�

Okay, now I'm starting to understand this,

but maybe you need to teach him how to be a better lover.

Me? Teach my Pookie?

Well, he's taught me everything I know.

From the "Slow Groove" to the "Rhythm and Blues"

To the "Glory-Hallelujah-Big- Daddy-You-Sho-Do-Do-Me-Right."

Okay, but, caller,

there are lots of women out there now that are trying to figure out

how they could get a man to "Sho-Do-Them-Right."

What is the problem?

Big Daddy just don't do me no more.

Aw.

I can see why.

I'm broke, my feet is flat, and they stole my clothes.

I'm nothing.

Wait a second there, caller.

If your man has a problem because you don't have a job,

or with your clothes,

or maybe even the little bunny on your butt,

then it's time for you to find yourself another man, right?

That's why I watch this show.

Go, Montel. Go, Montel.

I'm really sorry,

but we don't have a lot of time, we've got to go.

But you can call anytime you want.

I'm sure that sometime or someday he will come around, okay?

Can I get your number at home?

I'll tell you what, caller.

I normally don't do that, but when we go to break,

we'll get you that number.

But join us tomorrow again on the next Montel Williams Show.

Now I have put up with a lot from you,

but no one hangs up on me, Whitley Gilbert!

- I just called Montel. - Oh, God, Montel who?

Montel Williams.

I needed some sound advice.

I cannot believe you actually called a nationally syndicated talk show.

Why didn't you come to me instead of the entire world?

Oh, calm down, Kimberly.

It was strictly confidential.

He referred to me as "caller" the entire time.

Oh, then you're safe.

But I'm still miserable.

Why, Whitley? Because you lost your job?

No.

Because you got robbed last month?

No.

'Cause Dwayne doesn't�

Dwayne isn't enjoying�

Won't have�

What? Sex?

Don't say it like that.

Kimberly, not a word of this to anyone.

If anyone knows about this I would die, and Dwayne would kill me.

Hey, girl, now don't you worry, okay?

Good news. There are immediate ways to solve your problem.

What problem?

Now, look, I think I know Professor Wayne,

and what he needs is spiritual stimulation.

Now, this is my book of poetry.

You let a man read that, and he'll never leave you alone.

And if you are alone, girl, just get that jammin' jelly,

rub it right in, heats right up.

Why� why� why are y'all here?

We heard you on the Montel Williams Show.

Mrs. Gilbert Wayne, I have the best motivational appliance.

I don't have batteries. I have to plug it.

She's going to plug it in!

Not in this house. Kimberly, do something.

Look, look, look. Now, I haven't tried this.

But you whip up cream and sugar,

rub it over your face and neck�

- I'm dying. - He loves.

I'm hungry. Excuse me.

Kim, thank God you're here. I've got to talk to you.

Sorry about your sex problems.

You don't have nothing to drink or eat?

But it is happy hour. All right, girls' night out!

- Yeah, yeah� - I can't go. I have to cook.

- For who? - Not that man who's been ignoring you.

He can go without that braised spam and applesauce for one night.

- Kimmie, I have to talk to you. - Come on, not now.

Let's go to the Reggae Room, girls!

I have to leave a note.

Yeah. Leave a note, "Hasta la vista, baby."

You don't understand-

We're going to the Reggae Room.

Hey, Bunny?

- Hey, baby? - She's not here.

- Where did she go? - I don't know.

I heard Kim and Freddie in the kitchen,

so I hid out in the trash chute.

Hey, that's appropriate.

You want some Ray Nay's? I got one extra.

Hey, white bread, I hope.

I usually get both, whole wheat for Whitley.

But since she ain't here�

And she didn't leave a note?

She probably took off on the spur of the moment.

- No, no. - Where's the sauce?

She always leaves a note.

Your woman busted me, man.

Busted you sneaking Freddie out at 6:00 in the morning?

Yeah, she's probably dissin' me to Kim.

Kim's probably dissin' me to Freddie.

Any minute now, I'm gonna be diss-missed.

Why don't you tell Kim yourself there, champ?

What are you, stupid?

Hey, I'm like you.

I don't tell a woman anything I don't want her to know.

Don't ever say you're like me in public, all right?

- I tell my wife things. - Maybe, when you talk to her,

but she hasn't seen you in days. She knows.

She knows what?

Come on, Dwayne, we've been caught.

Surrender with some dignity, all right?

Didn't I teach you anything?

I'm not cheating on my wife.

I've been working, something you have no personal knowledge of.

- Hey. Hey, hey, hey. - Hey.

I've been working real hard. Juggling two women is very strenuous work.

Man.

Dwayne, I can't cover for you if you don't tell me what's going on.

Ron, I am telling you what's going on.

Then you need to tell her.

- You're looking rude, Kimmie. - Very rude, Kimberly Reese.

Not boogie-boogie.

That's enough.

This is so much fun.

I'm sorry we had to take the little munchkins back to the dorm.

- They're underage. - They really want to hang with us.

Well, we took them to McDonald's.

Happy meal.

This rum is packing a punch.

How much do we owe you?

Drinks are on the gentleman in the corner.

Ooh. That's Spencer, my lab partner I told you guys about.

He is very lovely.

- I wonder what time it is. - It's almost 9:00, why?

I always watch Pookie brush his teeth at nine o'clock.

We said we weren't gonna talk about Pookie.

I'm sorry.

That's all right. Go ahead and get it out.

Well, there was a time when�

he only wanted to make me happy.

Then after seven months, it finally happened.

What?

- I got common. - Common?

He got used to my looks, and I can't change them anymore�

unless I go red.

Believe me, going red is not gonna solve your troubles.

- I'm nothing. - Oh, come on. Stop it.

You've come a long way from that little snot I used to room with.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, don't forget who you are.

- Who am I? - You are a strong, educated,

cultured woman of the '90s.

Yeah! Get a job!

I mean, Dwayne has three.

- Is it that many? - See, now you don't even know.

And I'm sure he doesn't know what you're feeling.

You guys need to communicate. I mean, talk, I mean, confess,

- let it out. - I've been kissing Ron.

I mean, I kissed him, like, twice.

Are you crazy? I thought you had some sense this year.

Well, I know that it's awful, but I just�

I like him, and I don't know why.

Well, that's just peachy.

In the meantime, you have mutilated the heart of a very dear friend of yours.

You should get down and beg for her forgiveness.

I� I'm not that mutilated. It's okay.

- Good evening, ladies. - Hello.

- How was your rum punch? - It was delicious. Thank you ever so.

You sound just like this woman on Montel Williams Show today.

So, like, she need a champion lover.

Say, Miss Reese, you too tired to dance with your future husband?

Not at all. Excuse me.

And, Freddie, I already knew.

I'm so glad you told me.

? I really can't stay ?

? Baby, it's cold� ?

? Baby, it's cold out there ?

? This evening has been ?

? Hoping that you'd drop in� ?

I didn't know Ray Charles sang this song.

Yeah, it's a tape my mom made for me of her old favorites.

You used to sing this song to me.

I missed you, baby.

I was only gone a few hours.

You were gone for three and a half hours.

The first two and a half hours were terrible, then I just went numb.

How do you feel now?

Baby, I had a real bad day.

Me, too.

Tell me about your day first.

Really? You'll let me go first?

Of course. Talk to me.

Well, it started when I left you in that warm, soft bed.

Mm. Baby, you don't know nothing about this because you're dead asleep,

but you look so beautiful in the morning.

I mean, you got this glow about you.

And your breath is fresh like you've been dreaming about strawberries.

How do you do that? I don't know how�

Anyway, I was late and I ran out of here,

and that morning air hit me. Woof!

Baby, it's cold outside at 6:00 in the morning.

- I know. - Mm. Then I got to school

and none of the monsters had their papers in on time.

Oh, poor Professor Pookie.

And I skipped lunch,

and went to a faculty meeting and they didn't even need me.

It was just�

No, tell me about your bad day, baby. How was your bad day?

Well, I kind of lost Whitley for a while�

but I found her again.

Thank God for that.

Who was I gonna sleep with?

? Oh, never such a blizzard before ?

? I've got to go home ?

? Baby, you'll freeze out there ?

? Say, lend me your coat ?

? It's up to your knees out there ?

? You've really been grand ?

? I thrill when you touch my hand ?

? But don't you see ?

? How can you do this thing to me? ?

? There's bound to be talk tomorrow ?

? Think of my lifelong sorrow ?

? At least there will be plenty implied ?

? If you caught pneumonia and died ?

? I really can't stay ?

? Get over that old lie ?

? Ah, but it's cold ?

? Outside ?

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