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1
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Party, you Chiquita banana, you.
2
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Hi, y'all.
3
00:00:12,066 --> 00:00:13,366
Don't you look pretty.
4
00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:14,533
I mean, nice.
5
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,666
Colonel, usuwa tawumbe.
6
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,000
Dean Davenport, I didn't see you come in.
7
00:00:21,066 --> 00:00:23,266
Welcome to the Wayne Halloween party.
8
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:25,100
Who am I, who am I?
9
00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:27,633
Call me Angela Davis.
10
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,000
I'd rather call you a hairdresser.
11
00:00:30,717 --> 00:00:35,298
Well, with elections
just around the corner,
12
00:00:35,299 --> 00:00:37,466
and the country in the mess that it is in,
13
00:00:37,533 --> 00:00:39,300
I thought we could forego glamour
14
00:00:39,366 --> 00:00:41,500
and get the message out
the best way we can.
15
00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:42,599
Hear, hear!
16
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,266
How? By looking like
the ghost of Freddie past?
17
00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:48,396
Whitley is right.
It's high time brothers wake up,
18
00:00:48,397 --> 00:00:50,365
stop trying to control
our minds and bodies.
19
00:00:50,366 --> 00:00:51,416
Oh, boy.
20
00:00:51,433 --> 00:00:54,233
This is the year of the woman.
21
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:59,200
Oh, please.
Every year is the year of the woman.
22
00:00:59,266 --> 00:01:01,666
I'm tired of hearing
you broads complaining.
23
00:01:03,133 --> 00:01:04,800
What did you say, buttercup?
24
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:06,833
We are not broads.
25
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,400
We are not babes.
26
00:01:08,466 --> 00:01:09,533
We are not honeys.
27
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:10,900
We are women.
28
00:01:10,966 --> 00:01:14,866
We want equality, we want dignity,
we want respect.
29
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:16,766
? Don't break it ?
30
00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:18,753
? Took your mama nine months to make it ?
31
00:01:18,766 --> 00:01:20,266
They get my respect.
32
00:01:22,033 --> 00:01:23,266
? To make it ?
33
00:01:23,433 --> 00:01:25,366
? Shake it, don't break it� ?
34
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? I know my parents loved me ?
35
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{\an8}? Stand behind me
Come what may ?
36
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,433
{\an8}? Come what may ?
37
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,766
{\an8}? I realize that I'm ready ?
38
00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:43,900
{\an8}? I'm ready ?
39
00:01:43,966 --> 00:01:46,366
{\an8}? 'Cause I finally heard them say ?
40
00:01:46,433 --> 00:01:48,566
{\an8}? I heard them say ?
41
00:01:48,633 --> 00:01:52,000
{\an8}- ? It's a different world ?
? It's a different world ?
42
00:01:52,066 --> 00:01:53,800
{\an8}? From where you come from ?
43
00:01:53,866 --> 00:01:56,100
{\an8}? A different world ?
44
00:01:56,166 --> 00:02:00,266
{\an8}? Now, here's our chance to make it ?
45
00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:01,733
{\an8}? Here's our chance ?
46
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,500
{\an8}? If we focus on our goal ?
47
00:02:04,566 --> 00:02:06,266
{\an8}? Focus on our goal ?
48
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:09,300
{\an8}? If you dish it
We can take it ?
49
00:02:09,366 --> 00:02:10,700
{\an8}? We can take it ?
50
00:02:10,766 --> 00:02:13,866
{\an8}? Just remember that you've been told ?
51
00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,333
{\an8}? That it's a different world ?
52
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,366
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
53
00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:21,633
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
54
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:23,400
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
55
00:02:23,401 --> 00:02:24,899
{\an8}? From where you come from ?
56
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,465
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
57
00:02:26,466 --> 00:02:27,865
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
58
00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:29,465
{\an8}? From where you come from ?
59
00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:31,666
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
60
00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:36,533
{\an8}? From where you come from, yeah ?
61
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,366
{\an8}Sugar, you have a good time?
62
00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:56,300
{\an8}Come on, baby.
Your silence is louder than your voice.
63
00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:58,133
{\an8}I'm sorry.
64
00:02:58,566 --> 00:02:59,616
{\an8}For what?
65
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:03,900
{\an8}For whatever it was that I did
that made you mad.
66
00:03:04,461 --> 00:03:07,599
{\an8}You don't even know, do you?
67
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,700
How many guesses do I get?
68
00:03:09,766 --> 00:03:11,766
You are insensitive and sloshed.
69
00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:14,066
I'm slishy slashy sloshed.
70
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,220
That's right, I'm sloshed.
71
00:03:16,233 --> 00:03:17,833
This wig is giving me a headache.
72
00:03:17,933 --> 00:03:19,800
This election is giving me a headache.
73
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,433
It's sound bites, mud-slinging,
and a media circus.
74
00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:26,733
You hear more about Hillary
and Barbara than the issues.
75
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,333
One of which is women's rights.
76
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,266
Here we go. Year of the woman.
77
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,566
You have no idea what we go through.
78
00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:36,863
If you can't stand heat,
get out the kitchen.
79
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:40,100
That's exactly what we're trying to do,
Mr. Man.
80
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:42,633
We're trying to get out of a man's world.
81
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,900
Come and help me with this couch.
82
00:03:46,966 --> 00:03:48,466
Yeah, yeah.
83
00:03:48,533 --> 00:03:51,300
If you're so tired
of living in a man's world,
84
00:03:51,366 --> 00:03:55,433
how come all it is we ever do
is talk about women's problems?
85
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,000
Huh? Huh?
86
00:03:57,066 --> 00:03:58,116
Come on, Whit.
87
00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:00,000
You can stay home, go to work.
88
00:04:00,066 --> 00:04:01,900
Have kids, don't have kids.
89
00:04:01,966 --> 00:04:03,266
If something goes wrong,
90
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:06,266
nobody gets mad if a woman
breaks down and cries.
91
00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:10,033
Well, women cry
because they live in a world
92
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,766
where men run them ragged.
93
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,216
Rub my feet.
94
00:04:18,066 --> 00:04:21,200
You know what? I give up.
You're right, as usual.
95
00:04:21,266 --> 00:04:23,333
And I'm sorry, as usual.
96
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,600
I don't want you to be sorry, Dwayne.
97
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,600
I want you to understand.
98
00:04:30,233 --> 00:04:31,283
I got an idea.
99
00:04:31,933 --> 00:04:34,866
How about you be the man, okay?
100
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:38,800
And I will be the woman, all right?
101
00:04:38,866 --> 00:04:40,766
Year of the woman, year of the woman.
102
00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:42,566
You try running things for a while.
103
00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,900
No, better yet, you rub my dogs.
104
00:04:44,966 --> 00:04:49,200
Rub them dogs there.
You try running things.
105
00:04:49,266 --> 00:04:51,300
The woman year, the woman year�
106
00:04:51,366 --> 00:04:53,166
Why don't you all try to run things?
107
00:04:53,233 --> 00:04:55,700
You see how you like it,
if you running things,
108
00:04:55,766 --> 00:04:57,966
'cause you ain't never ran nothing.
109
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:04,866
{\an8}? Hail to the chief,
who in triumph advances, ?
110
00:05:04,933 --> 00:05:09,133
{\an8}? Honour'd and blessed
be the evergreen pine! ?
111
00:05:10,866 --> 00:05:14,500
Well, President Mush,
the stock market is down,
112
00:05:14,566 --> 00:05:16,633
the gross national product is down,
113
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,566
and your popularity is way down.
114
00:05:21,666 --> 00:05:24,900
{\an8}Don't you have anything up to report?
115
00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:27,733
Well, President Mush,
the unemployment rate is up,
116
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,433
the national deficit is up,
117
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:32,066
and your husband's popularity is way up.
118
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:38,200
I'm proud to know the nation loves
and respects the first husband.
119
00:05:39,533 --> 00:05:42,200
- Mm. But that's an ugly man.
- Yes.
120
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:45,366
Madame President.
121
00:05:45,466 --> 00:05:47,833
What now, Vice President Quack?
122
00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:49,000
Great news.
123
00:05:49,066 --> 00:05:52,533
I am talking to your wife,
the Vice President.
124
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,966
That upstart Texas billionaire,
Rose Godot?
125
00:05:54,967 --> 00:05:56,865
- Mm-hm?
- She's dropped out of the race.
126
00:05:56,866 --> 00:05:59,036
Yippee, yippee,
yippee, yippee, yippee!
127
00:06:00,866 --> 00:06:03,766
? She's the yellow rose of Texas ?
128
00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:05,200
? She's the only one for me ?
129
00:06:05,266 --> 00:06:08,666
? Her eyes are bright and shiny
Just like a Christmas tree ?
130
00:06:09,807 --> 00:06:12,799
{\an8}But more than anything,
131
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,600
{\an8}I want to make my position
crystal clear to the American people.
132
00:06:16,666 --> 00:06:18,300
Yes, I was running.
133
00:06:18,366 --> 00:06:19,733
No, I'm not running.
134
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,833
Yes, I will stay on the ballot.
135
00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,300
No, I did not have a change of heart.
136
00:06:24,366 --> 00:06:26,666
Yes, these are my real ears.
137
00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:30,600
And, no, I cannot stand
the kind of yes-women
138
00:06:30,666 --> 00:06:33,266
that keep this country
in a no-win situation.
139
00:06:47,066 --> 00:06:48,666
Rose Godot is out!
140
00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:51,000
Jill, this means we have a chance.
141
00:06:51,066 --> 00:06:52,300
We?
142
00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:54,200
Hilliard, Hilliard, Hilliard.
143
00:06:54,266 --> 00:06:56,233
How many times do I have to tell you?
144
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,533
I'm sorry, Jill. I keep forgetting.
145
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,400
- I mean you have a chance.
- Right.
146
00:07:00,466 --> 00:07:03,366
I'm the candidate, Jill Blinton.
147
00:07:03,433 --> 00:07:04,933
And who are you, buttercup?
148
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,466
Hilliard Blinton, the happy husband.
149
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:11,300
That's right, now go get me some coffee.
150
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,900
This is supposed to be
the year of the man.
151
00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:18,500
I do not intend to check my brain
at The White House door.
152
00:07:18,566 --> 00:07:21,233
Blah, blah, blah.
153
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:24,070
Listen, we all remember
the Male Liberation Movement
154
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,200
back in the '70s,
155
00:07:25,266 --> 00:07:28,800
when you were all burning
your little jockstraps.
156
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,633
All right, and what did that get you?
157
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,066
Exactly. Okay?
158
00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:36,366
My job is to get your wife elected,
159
00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,800
and the recent polls show that
you are hurting this campaign.
160
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,066
Are you saying my IQ
Is standing in her way?
161
00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:45,166
The Governor's got enough problems
162
00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:48,800
with the press harping on you
dodging those Girl Scouts.
163
00:07:48,933 --> 00:07:50,166
Oh, please.
164
00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:52,866
I was young. I didn't agree
with the cookie drives,
165
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:55,733
but I have nothing against
the girls that served.
166
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,266
I know. Coffee!
167
00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:01,400
Forget it. This Godot thing, honey,
it's a whole new ball game.
168
00:08:01,466 --> 00:08:03,033
The newspapers, networks,
169
00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:05,399
everybody's gonna be waiting
to hear your opinion.
170
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,533
Good, then maybe-
171
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,433
I said her opinion, not yours.
172
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,600
Train him!
173
00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:15,433
What if they want to ask me questions?
174
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:18,066
Well, then, darling,
175
00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:21,900
you simply practice the art
of saying nothing, okay?
176
00:08:21,966 --> 00:08:24,000
Let's give it a try, shall we?
177
00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:28,100
What are you going to say when they
ask you your opinion of kids today?
178
00:08:28,101 --> 00:08:30,432
- Well, kids, that's my favorite subject.
- Okay.
179
00:08:30,433 --> 00:08:32,132
- Because kids are cute�
- I love it.
180
00:08:32,133 --> 00:08:34,365
- �and they deserve all our attention.
- Very good.
181
00:08:34,366 --> 00:08:37,600
Because one out of every
five kids is living in poverty.
182
00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:39,633
- Ten million kids-
- Whoa, buddy.
183
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,933
Put on the brakes. Hold it, okay?
184
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,200
I said kids, not issues.
185
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:47,300
Migraine, I'm getting a migraine. Okay.
186
00:08:47,366 --> 00:08:49,066
Come over here and sit down.
187
00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:51,266
We're going to practice your gazing.
188
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,083
Okay�
189
00:08:54,766 --> 00:08:58,333
No, a little less intelligence,
more adoration.
190
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,000
Show the wedding ring.
191
00:09:00,066 --> 00:09:03,000
Okay, what did I say about thinking?
192
00:09:03,466 --> 00:09:05,333
Those glasses have got to go.
193
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:07,633
Someone needs a haircut-
194
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:10,133
What did I tell you
about staying backstage?
195
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,100
You almost ruined us on Arsenio.
196
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:17,133
Yes, I've withdrawn from the race.
197
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,066
No, I do not intend to change my mind.
198
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:22,333
Yes, I could reverse myself.
199
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,433
No, I do not think
my behavior is confusing,
200
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:28,166
because when I say yes, I mean yes,
201
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:29,466
most of the time.
202
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:33,466
And when I say no, I mean no,
with very few exceptions.
203
00:09:38,866 --> 00:09:41,000
{\an8}Pee-Wee, turn that thing off.
204
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:43,799
{\an8}I thought it's a man's prerogative
to change his mind.
205
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,499
{\an8}We're waiting for you, Godot.
206
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,666
{\an8}Why did she do this to us?
207
00:09:47,866 --> 00:09:49,933
{\an8}
208
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,300
{\an8}? Who is the Mac?
It's gotta be, give it up ?
209
00:09:53,366 --> 00:09:54,626
{\an8}? Shut your mouth ?
210
00:09:54,933 --> 00:09:56,800
We're waiting for you, Johnny Weed.
211
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,933
Did I have a night last night!
212
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,633
Let me tell you, I think this is the one.
213
00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:07,100
You say that every week.
214
00:10:07,166 --> 00:10:10,800
But this one's different.
I think she really respects me.
215
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:13,733
They won't respect you
if you keep sleeping with them.
216
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,266
But this one loves me,
and I mean all over.
217
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:18,900
Uh-huh.
218
00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:23,266
I can tell her husband doesn't understand.
That I can tell.
219
00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:24,900
I don't mean to be bragging,
220
00:10:24,966 --> 00:10:28,133
but she holds
a very high-ranking political office.
221
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,066
Well, the higher they go,
the lower you go.
222
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:34,100
But this one's worth beaucoup bucks.
223
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,566
I've got the tape recordings to prove it.
224
00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:40,933
I just love the sound of her voice
when she calls me buttercup.
225
00:10:41,366 --> 00:10:43,266
"Hi, buttercup."
226
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,533
I don't want to mention names,
227
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:49,500
but Governor Jill Blinton,
she gets my vote.
228
00:10:58,555 --> 00:11:01,288
? And when the cat's away ?
229
00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:06,921
? You know the mice will play the blues ?
230
00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:09,188
? Yeah! ?
231
00:11:09,255 --> 00:11:10,621
Okay! Okay!
232
00:11:10,688 --> 00:11:12,055
{\an8}All right, already.
233
00:11:12,121 --> 00:11:13,655
{\an8}Shut up, the blues.
234
00:11:14,055 --> 00:11:16,055
{\an8}A lounge singer, Jill?
235
00:11:16,121 --> 00:11:19,288
You betrayed our marriage vows
for a tramp in a pinkie ring?
236
00:11:19,788 --> 00:11:23,755
He was paid off by The Daily Inquisitor.
Why don't you believe me?
237
00:11:23,821 --> 00:11:25,888
Maybe because it's not the first time.
238
00:11:25,889 --> 00:11:30,120
I can't believe you compare yourself
to some meaningless encounter.
239
00:11:30,121 --> 00:11:33,491
How many times does it take
to discover something is meaningless?
240
00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:36,521
Don't smoke.
It's bad for your image.
241
00:11:36,588 --> 00:11:38,121
I'm not inhaling.
242
00:11:38,188 --> 00:11:44,521
Look, I know you're angry right now,
and I'm sorry,
243
00:11:44,588 --> 00:11:48,088
- but I really, really need you, buttercup.
- Oh.
244
00:11:48,155 --> 00:11:50,055
I really need you.
245
00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:58,988
{\an8}Booyah, yeah, welcome to USTN:
Uncle Sam's Television Network.
246
00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:01,454
We here to get you
an up-close and personal look
247
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:04,888
at presidential hopeful Jill Blinton
and her husband, Hilliard.
248
00:12:08,188 --> 00:12:09,868
Yo, Governor Blinton, peep this:
249
00:12:09,921 --> 00:12:11,755
now, according to a recent poll,
250
00:12:12,955 --> 00:12:14,621
14% of registered voters
251
00:12:14,688 --> 00:12:18,298
said they wouldn't elect a candidate
who's had an extramarital affair.
252
00:12:21,355 --> 00:12:24,321
Well, if my math serves me correctly,
253
00:12:24,888 --> 00:12:27,788
that means that 86%
of the American public
254
00:12:27,855 --> 00:12:29,755
wants to only deal with the issues.
255
00:12:30,088 --> 00:12:31,155
Wait a minute.
256
00:12:31,221 --> 00:12:34,488
There's this brother named,
Johnny Weed� Yeah.
257
00:12:34,555 --> 00:12:36,488
He says he knows you really well.
258
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:39,055
And we want to know how well you know him.
259
00:12:39,721 --> 00:12:41,455
Johnny, Johnny�
260
00:12:42,821 --> 00:12:44,521
Johnny Weed. Yeah.
261
00:12:44,588 --> 00:12:46,288
Familiar acquaintance.
262
00:12:46,355 --> 00:12:48,421
Wait. You ain't denying it?
263
00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:49,538
Deny it.
264
00:12:49,555 --> 00:12:51,121
Uh, uh, oh�
265
00:12:51,955 --> 00:12:53,021
Kiss your wife.
266
00:12:53,088 --> 00:12:56,521
Wait a minute.
Mr. Blinton, you ain't denying it either?
267
00:12:56,588 --> 00:12:57,638
Deny it!
268
00:12:58,955 --> 00:13:02,155
I'm not sitting here as some little man
269
00:13:02,221 --> 00:13:03,721
standing behind my wife.
270
00:13:04,321 --> 00:13:07,021
I love her
and honor what we've been through,
271
00:13:07,588 --> 00:13:10,388
and if that's not enough, then�
272
00:13:10,455 --> 00:13:11,788
Heck, don't vote for her.
273
00:13:11,855 --> 00:13:12,905
What?
274
00:13:13,188 --> 00:13:15,021
That's all for this week, but, yo!
275
00:13:15,022 --> 00:13:18,387
Tune in on Sunday when we interview
Clarence Thomas for the first time
276
00:13:18,388 --> 00:13:21,655
since the confirmation
of Supreme Court Justice Anita Hill.
277
00:13:21,755 --> 00:13:22,805
Booyah!
278
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,555
I'm so sorry, Hilliard.
279
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:28,791
I don't want sorry.
I want you to understand.
280
00:13:28,821 --> 00:13:29,901
Show the wedding ring.
281
00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:31,978
- Shut up!
- You're ruining everything.
282
00:13:32,421 --> 00:13:33,488
Johnny Weed.
283
00:13:33,555 --> 00:13:35,155
I thought you got rid of him.
284
00:13:35,221 --> 00:13:36,388
I tried.
285
00:13:36,455 --> 00:13:37,688
Polyester floats.
286
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,521
Gentlemen and ladies,
287
00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:46,521
former presidential candidate,
Patty Buchanan.
288
00:13:48,221 --> 00:13:49,688
I want to welcome you
289
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,855
to our national convention
290
00:13:52,921 --> 00:13:54,921
on behalf of my close�
291
00:13:55,388 --> 00:13:56,921
and personal friend�
292
00:13:58,288 --> 00:13:59,488
God!
293
00:14:00,088 --> 00:14:01,688
{\an8}
294
00:14:01,855 --> 00:14:04,455
{\an8}God is feeling threatened today�
295
00:14:05,355 --> 00:14:07,755
{\an8}and she has good reason.
296
00:14:08,755 --> 00:14:11,121
{\an8}For there's a serpent
297
00:14:11,188 --> 00:14:13,421
slitherin' towards The White House�
298
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:15,471
Now, sure�
299
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:19,155
Jill Blinton is our official candidate
300
00:14:19,221 --> 00:14:21,555
but the real snake is her husband�
301
00:14:21,621 --> 00:14:22,671
Yes, it is.
302
00:14:22,688 --> 00:14:26,355
�a man that believes
in radical machoism.
303
00:14:26,421 --> 00:14:27,521
Oh, Lord!
304
00:14:28,388 --> 00:14:30,088
Men in the military.
305
00:14:30,155 --> 00:14:33,688
He even believes that happy people
306
00:14:33,755 --> 00:14:36,688
should have the same rights
as the rest of us.
307
00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:38,521
The gall of him!
308
00:14:41,021 --> 00:14:43,055
Let me give it to you plainly.
309
00:14:43,121 --> 00:14:44,455
- Give it to us.
- Mm-hm.
310
00:14:44,921 --> 00:14:48,655
People aren't born happy.
Happiness is a choice.
311
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,088
Preach on.
312
00:14:50,888 --> 00:14:54,588
? The wrong choice! ?
313
00:14:54,655 --> 00:14:56,455
? The Blinton choice ?
314
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:57,621
Oh, yeah.
315
00:14:57,955 --> 00:14:59,255
? Who's the man? ?
316
00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,055
? The wrong choice� ?
317
00:15:01,121 --> 00:15:04,788
{\an8}Unlike Hilliard Blinton,
I love being a father and a husband.
318
00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:08,105
{\an8}And, unlike Hilliard,
I'm not afraid of wearing an apron.
319
00:15:11,421 --> 00:15:15,355
Thank you, Patty Buchanan.
320
00:15:17,188 --> 00:15:20,788
Now, I may be feisty as the dickens,
321
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,521
but I'm not running, no, no�
322
00:15:24,588 --> 00:15:28,188
and neither is Hilliard running, no.
323
00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:31,021
No, we leave those politics
to the womenfolk.
324
00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:37,755
And speaking of women,
let me introduce my wife,
325
00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:41,655
a president who could be called
anything but bush league�
326
00:15:42,621 --> 00:15:45,255
Ms. Georgia Mush!
327
00:15:45,321 --> 00:15:47,621
{\an8}
328
00:15:47,688 --> 00:15:49,655
{\an8}Come on, Georgia.
329
00:15:49,721 --> 00:15:51,555
Come on, let's hear it!
330
00:15:53,655 --> 00:15:54,705
Thank you, Bob.
331
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,788
Isn't my Bob the best?
332
00:16:01,521 --> 00:16:05,655
You know, people, I said it last time�
333
00:16:07,288 --> 00:16:09,921
but I mean it this time.
334
00:16:11,821 --> 00:16:15,588
No� new� taxes!
335
00:16:15,655 --> 00:16:16,705
Amen.
336
00:16:16,988 --> 00:16:19,621
Read my lipstick.
337
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,521
Who do you trust?
338
00:16:25,921 --> 00:16:26,971
Me.
339
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:32,821
? My country 'tis of thee ?
340
00:16:33,455 --> 00:16:39,155
? Sweet land of liberty ?
341
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:46,155
? Of thee I sing� ?
342
00:16:46,621 --> 00:16:48,821
{\an8}Testing, one, two. Testing�
343
00:16:48,822 --> 00:16:51,354
{\an8}Is this the presidential debate?
344
00:16:51,355 --> 00:16:54,721
It is but you can't have a chair
unless you're a candidate.
345
00:16:54,788 --> 00:16:57,388
I'm Rose Godot. I'm on the ballot
in all 50 states.
346
00:16:57,455 --> 00:16:58,955
We only have two chairs.
347
00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:01,088
That's all right. Brought my own.
348
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,555
So you're running?
349
00:17:04,621 --> 00:17:06,055
Maybe. Maybe not.
350
00:17:08,021 --> 00:17:10,311
Focus on the economy,
that's her weak point,
351
00:17:10,355 --> 00:17:12,888
- and remember, the key word is "change."
- Change.
352
00:17:12,955 --> 00:17:14,088
Go sit down.
353
00:17:14,155 --> 00:17:16,355
Focus on her weak point, character,
354
00:17:16,421 --> 00:17:18,888
- and remember, the key word is "trust."
- Trust.
355
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:21,021
Okay, Mr. Mush, have a seat over there.
356
00:17:21,088 --> 00:17:22,455
Okay. All right.
357
00:17:22,555 --> 00:17:24,545
- Hello,. How are you?
- Good luck, honey.
358
00:17:26,221 --> 00:17:27,521
Hello.
359
00:17:28,321 --> 00:17:29,455
Hello.
360
00:17:29,521 --> 00:17:31,288
Lovely day, isn't it?
361
00:17:31,855 --> 00:17:33,988
Cut the nice guy act.
I'm not voting for you.
362
00:17:34,055 --> 00:17:35,754
Well, I'm not running.
363
00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:37,988
You could have fooled me.
364
00:17:38,355 --> 00:17:41,155
I don't mind it from women,
it's how they're brought up.
365
00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:42,961
But when a man attacks another man-
366
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:44,688
You'll get used to it.
367
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,554
When you're a political husband,
you do what you have to.
368
00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:49,288
I've done everything I can.
369
00:17:49,355 --> 00:17:52,088
I've learned to be silent,
be seen and not heard,
370
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:54,088
I've learned to smile, gaze, barbecue.
371
00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:58,521
The only thing radical about me
is how much I've changed.
372
00:17:58,588 --> 00:18:00,421
I swore I wouldn't do this.
373
00:18:01,821 --> 00:18:03,121
Here, here.
374
00:18:03,188 --> 00:18:04,421
It's okay, Hilliard.
375
00:18:05,488 --> 00:18:07,988
Listen, you have to learn
to turn it off and on.
376
00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:10,421
I don't want
to turn it on and off.
377
00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:13,121
It's okay.
378
00:18:13,188 --> 00:18:14,721
Oh, Mr. Mush.
379
00:18:17,821 --> 00:18:19,088
- Thank you, Bob.
- Yes.
380
00:18:19,155 --> 00:18:21,788
- Good luck to you, too, Blinton.
- Thank you.
381
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:25,621
? There's no business like show business ?
382
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,488
? Like no business I know� ?
383
00:18:28,788 --> 00:18:30,255
Gentlemen and ladies,
384
00:18:30,321 --> 00:18:32,355
welcome to the presidential debate,
385
00:18:32,488 --> 00:18:34,621
sponsored by the League of Men Voters.
386
00:18:34,921 --> 00:18:36,688
May I present our candidates:
387
00:18:36,755 --> 00:18:38,321
President Georgia Mush.
388
00:18:39,955 --> 00:18:41,921
Governor Jill Blinton.
389
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,821
And Rose Godot.
390
00:18:45,355 --> 00:18:48,621
No, no. Wait a minute.
What is Rose Godot doing here?
391
00:18:48,688 --> 00:18:49,888
I'm on the ballot.
392
00:18:50,188 --> 00:18:52,288
It's howdy doody time.
393
00:18:53,821 --> 00:18:55,355
How come she gets the throne?
394
00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:56,755
I'm a billionaire.
395
00:18:56,821 --> 00:18:58,088
Speaking of billions,
396
00:18:58,155 --> 00:19:02,021
the only billions our president
knows about are in the national deficit.
397
00:19:02,155 --> 00:19:06,221
Well, why don't we take a moment
and discuss your expertise
398
00:19:06,288 --> 00:19:08,321
in domestic affairs?
399
00:19:08,421 --> 00:19:11,355
No, no, no, no. Hold up. Stop yelling.
400
00:19:12,221 --> 00:19:13,955
These ears are sensitive.
401
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,455
What about the economy?
402
00:19:17,521 --> 00:19:19,421
What about your character?
403
00:19:19,488 --> 00:19:21,121
What about my billions?
404
00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:23,421
Trust! We need trust!
405
00:19:23,721 --> 00:19:24,921
- Change!
- Money!
406
00:19:24,988 --> 00:19:26,255
- Trust!
- Change!
407
00:19:26,321 --> 00:19:27,371
Money!
408
00:19:27,388 --> 00:19:30,888
? Trust in me in all you do ?
409
00:19:30,955 --> 00:19:35,155
? Have faith in me, like I have for you ?
410
00:19:35,221 --> 00:19:39,788
? Love will see us through,
If you'll just� ?
411
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:46,521
? Change! ?
412
00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:53,621
? I can change, you can change,
Change can change� ?
413
00:19:53,688 --> 00:19:55,288
Can I have some change?
414
00:19:56,721 --> 00:20:01,921
? Change� ?
415
00:20:03,321 --> 00:20:05,921
? I got money, it's what the people want ?
416
00:20:05,988 --> 00:20:07,988
? Money is what they need ?
417
00:20:08,055 --> 00:20:10,088
? Trust and change don't mean a thing ?
418
00:20:10,155 --> 00:20:12,155
? If they got mouths to feed ?
419
00:20:12,221 --> 00:20:14,221
? Trust is what the people want ?
420
00:20:14,288 --> 00:20:15,955
? Money is what they need ?
421
00:20:15,956 --> 00:20:18,420
- ? Trust and change don't mean a thing ?
- ? Oh, yeah ?
422
00:20:18,421 --> 00:20:20,555
? If they got mouths to feed ?
423
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:22,221
Stop! Stop!
424
00:20:25,921 --> 00:20:27,721
Focus on the issues!
425
00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:29,121
Stop!
426
00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:31,521
You have to focus on the issues.
427
00:20:31,588 --> 00:20:33,555
You have to focus on the issues.
428
00:20:34,855 --> 00:20:37,355
Stop! Stop this.
429
00:20:37,421 --> 00:20:39,855
Stop, please!
430
00:20:39,921 --> 00:20:42,155
Focus on the issues.
431
00:20:42,221 --> 00:20:44,388
Focus on the issues.
432
00:20:44,688 --> 00:20:46,021
Focus on the issues.
433
00:20:46,088 --> 00:20:47,621
Focus on the issues.
434
00:20:48,155 --> 00:20:50,855
Dwayne? Dwayne, wake up.
435
00:20:51,921 --> 00:20:53,221
Oh, wow.
436
00:20:53,288 --> 00:20:54,855
I had the weirdest dream.
437
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,755
And I have the worst hangover.
438
00:20:58,821 --> 00:21:02,688
Baby, I dreamt that I was a man
but I was a woman.
439
00:21:05,455 --> 00:21:06,621
Excuse me?
440
00:21:09,088 --> 00:21:12,521
And women were running the country
and everything was a mess.
441
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,488
That is not the way it would be
442
00:21:14,489 --> 00:21:17,320
if women were running the country,
thank you very much.
443
00:21:17,321 --> 00:21:19,588
No, wait. And you had an affair with Ron.
444
00:21:20,055 --> 00:21:21,921
And you tried to hide it from me.
445
00:21:22,021 --> 00:21:25,255
If I had an affair with Ron,
I'd hide it from everybody.
446
00:21:27,455 --> 00:21:30,821
Baby, you are missing my point, totally.
447
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:33,187
During the election,
my opinion didn't count.
448
00:21:33,188 --> 00:21:36,655
They didn't want me to be intelligent.
I was seen and not heard.
449
00:21:36,721 --> 00:21:38,555
They were treating me like a-
450
00:21:38,621 --> 00:21:40,221
Like a woman, Dwayne?
451
00:21:40,955 --> 00:21:42,588
Well, wake up.
452
00:21:44,755 --> 00:21:45,888
I think I just did.
453
00:21:48,321 --> 00:21:49,688
Well, hallelujah.
454
00:21:50,088 --> 00:21:52,188
Wait. Not till after you shave.
455
00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:56,255
I'll shave after I get my sugar,
456
00:21:57,121 --> 00:21:58,521
if you don't mind.
457
00:21:58,571 --> 00:22:03,121
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