Original subtitles

- Morning, homes. - Hey.

"Be a queen or just look like one"?

Partner, is there something I should know here?

Peep this. My card.

"Beauty by Ron. Ron Johnson, official cosmetologist"?

Your father would be so proud.

Of my keen business sense.

- Where did you get this stuff? - Midnight, channel 9.

"Build your own empire for $99.95."

Ron, what woman in her right mind

would buy beauty products from an ugly son of a gun like you?

If there's one thing women will waste their money on,

it's vanity.

Hey, you got anything for Whitley's moustache?

Oh�

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me, come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it, we can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

You wanted to see me?

Oh, yes, I'm concerned about your quiz scores.

Well, they'd be a little higher if you gave me partial credit.

Not really. You're averaging a "D."

I know. I'm gonna fix it.

Are you finding the work too difficult?

- No. - No?

Well, actually, I ain't finding it at all.

I mean, this class doesn't exactly pick up where my high school left off.

I understand. I'm here to bridge the gap.

Enough to give me partial credit?

Enough to give you free tutoring starting tonight.

- Tonight? - Uh-huh.

The Sixers are playing the Hawks.

Oh, that's right. Big game.

Yeah, Barkley, Dominique?

- We can't miss that. - That's what I'm saying.

So we'll do this tutoring another night.

Oh, no. I'mma tape the game.

You're gonna tape the game.

So by changing the quality of education in the community�

- Uh-huh. - x�

you change the factors, y,

that are the functions of education in said community.

There you go. Okay. Now what is the principle of that?

- Chain rule, my brother. - All right.

It's cool how calculus relates to real life.

See, I knew you'd get it with a little bit of confidence

and a lot of concentration.

- Yeah, three hours' worth. - Yeah.

Question.

Shoot.

Why aren't you ever this cool in class?

With your questions and only 50 minutes, I don't have time to be cool.

So you, like, go into a phone booth and switch up on us.

I switch up like this. Switch up on you.

Oh, oh. Not bad form for a girl.

For a girl?

Boy, please, in B-more I took fellows to the hoop 24/7.

Look at this.

- Poom! - Oh.

I really miss my homeboys.

They're not like these self-centered, pampered Hillman brothers

all self-involved, afraid to sweat.

Well, not me.

And the Hillman woman?

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a foreign country.

Boom.

Can't relate to my teachers, the students or Whitley.

Oh. I hear you.

You couldn't relate to your teachers or students either?

Nope, just Whitley.

You shoot like Piccolo.

Piccolo?

Yeah. That was my man before I came to Hillman.

You went with a man named Piccolo?

- Yes, I did. - What's the matter with you?

And he never could play ball.

Ooh. Hold it.

Insulting my game is not gonna get you this partial credit.

I'll take you to the racks for it.

- You and what pair of platform shoes? - Don't even try it. No need!

- No need! - Don't make me hurt your feelings, girl.

- Watch this three-pointer. - Three-pointer?

- Ooh. - Nice and strong. Ha, ha!

If you could get your calculus together the way you got your jump shot going�

Don't you worry about that. I'm working on it.

Oh, yeah? Well, work on this.

Oh, yeah. Oh!

I never dunked on a girl before. That felt kind of good.

- Never happen again. - You don't think so?

Prepare to lick my kicks, brother.

Oh, uh-uh�

You know that is wrong! That is a�

foul.

Can I be next?

Cold cream, my sisters?

Honey, you a day late and always too short.

How unfortunate, because my products

contain emollients that would render even a rhino's skin supple to the touch

and you do look a little ashy.

Touch me with that cold cream and you draw back a nub.

Get down, Fifi.

I'll just peddle my goods elsewhere.

Where are you going, little missy?

Uh� tutoring session with Dwayne.

Mr. Wayne, you mean?

Well, he asked me to call him that.

He's so� open with his tutees.

I guess he's trying to make you feel at ease.

And he's definitely helping me improve my math skills.

See you.

Whitley, my princess.

Let me�

If you don't want to leave here wearing that suitcase,

I suggest you keep on stepping.

Damn. Rough room.

Who left their gum on my desk?

Kim, whatever happened to supporting Black business?

Nobody's buying my products.

I mean, why should they?

You can buy that junk in a drugstore

and I am so tired of these products that aren't designed for us.

Geez.

So you're saying that cosmetic companies have neglected

the Nubian-African, cafe-au-lait-to-espresso spectrum

which is the Black woman?

Just say no, Ron.

- You're gonna love this. - Ron�

- Ron� - You are gonna love it.

Ta-dah!

This looks like the same stuff you were pushing yesterday.

Oh. Looks can be deceiving.

Upon more careful observation,

you will find Nutrients of the Nile,

featuring Latifah lotion,

Nigerian night cream,

and Ethiopian exfoliant,

all designed with the Nubian princess in mind.

You might have something.

Well, you think they'll buy it?

No. Women want products that they can recognize.

I mean, cosmetics they can trust.

You mean like they trust Kimberly Reese.

No, you're not getting me into this.

No, no, no.

Well, I hear med school's very expensive these days.

I want 30%.

Okay. That's what I thought.

Well, if it isn't the African Avon lady.

You won't be laughing when my cosmetics firm

buys its own record label.

You've been sniffing your nail polish, man.

Actually, I've been using it to remove the old labels

and apply my own and then, wham!

Instant African emollients.

- Sick, but slick. - And about to be rich.

Oh. Here comes your new tutee and toting vittles no less.

- Hi, D. - Hey.

I made this for you, your favorite. Prune cobbler.

Whoa, she cooks and she plays ball too.

This is a woman of many talents.

Gar�on, I hate that prune cobbler. Fetch me some of that peach pie.

It's $2.50 a slice and it don't walk.

- Hi, Pookie. - What kind of service is this?

Don't you have some suds to bust?

What's up, baby?

Don't be late tonight. I made your favorite pasta.

Man, you got women feeding you left and right.

You're gonna have to make room for three. I have to tutor Lena.

Again? How dumb is she?

Shh!

But, T, listen. He made the first move, T.

- Lena, Dwayne's engaged. - He invited me to his place.

Well, discussing integrals isn't exactly foreplay.

But you see, we don't just talk about math,

we talk about life.

Dwayne's like that with everybody.

What do you know? You're too young to understand anyway.

I know she wasn't talking about me.

Ugh!

Ladies, I have a confession to make.

Well, honey, save that for your priest, okay?

Oh, no. This is too scandalous for the clergy.

As I survey this crowd, I'm disheartened by what I see.

What makes you think our view is any better?

A woman whose humor and looks are neck-and-neck for last place.

Now, as I was saying,

society has overlooked the allure of the African-American sister.

All right. Say that, brother.

Basically, while men adore you,

cosmetic companies have ignored you, but no more.

In ancient times, Egyptian sisters beautified themselves

with the secrets from the motherland.

Today, modern technology captures those secrets in Nutrients of the Nile.

Yes, that's Nutrients of the Nile,

featuring the amazing and ever-popular mummification mask

used by King Tutankhamun himself.

The brother looked pretty good when they unwrapped him too.

Imagine what the process can do for you.

Let's have a look.

Kimberly Reese, how do you feel after the mummification process?

Like a que� Like a queen.

As a Nubian princess of the '90s,

I highly recommend all the nutrients of the Nile.

You heard it here, Nutrients of the Nile.

You can find it at a Ron Johnson near you.

That's Nutrients of the Nile. Get it while it lasts.

Nutrients of the Nile for all of you Nubian sisters.

Nutrients of the Nile for what mother Africa forgot to give you.

Nutrients of the Nile�

- Can I get some? - Well, yes�

I'm first!

Now, now, there's enough for everyone. There's enough for everybody.

Dwayne, trust me on this one.

Miss Lena has an unhealthy attachment to you.

Well, here we go again!

Whitley, you think everybody's in love with me.

- This time I'm right. - Paranoid is what you are.

I've been careful to maintain a professional decorum

with all of my students.

"Professional" is not the word that comes to mind

when I saw you two playing touch football.

That was basketball.

And need I ask where you got that shredded jacket from?

No, you need just serve me my food, woman!

- Oh. - Oh.

Just admit it, Dwayne.

You love all this attention from your little math tutee.

Whitley, I'm trying to give the girl a little confidence,

show her a little support.

I don't think that's what she's looking for.

Well, I know what you looking for, sweet cheeks.

- It's me, Lena. - Your girl.

Just called to see what you were up to.

Probably making up those questions for the big midterm.

I know I'm ready, thanks to you.

That's right, baby.

Your machine usually cuts me off by now.

It's probably your voice.

Anyway, I wrote down a few thoughts I'd like to share with you�

? I'm tired of playing the shy role. It's time to console my soul ?

? My heart you already stole ?

? It's been platonic But I know you're not blind ?

? You're fine You should be mine ?

? 'Cause on the one-on-one We'll be two of a kind ?

? Peace ?

? Whoo, whoo ?

Did you get my message?

Yes, I did.

Well?

I've asked Colonel Taylor to assign you a new tutor.

Oh, good.

So when we hook up, we don't have to worry about studying.

We can just hang out.

Miss James, that message you left on my machine was inappropriate.

I'm your teacher. When you walk through that door,

it's your brain I'm interested in, not your body.

So, let's pretend this never happened so we can get on with our work.

Okay, Miss James?

All right. I can do that.

That will be $20, and, uh�

give me a call when that bust enhancer kicks in.

Bust enhancer?

Oh!

You know, Velma's on the flat side.

I'll take two.

- All right. - This is useless. Useless.

- Oh. Come on. - Come on, what?

Don't you see what Ron is shoving down our throats

is what women have been protesting for years,

sexist male propaganda.

Now, I say we burn our lipstick, sister, and we form a united front.

We don't need the oppressor's ruby-red rouge.

Speak for yourself, girlfriend. Speak for yourself.

I got a man to keep.

See, Dion says this cold cream makes my skin feel like silk.

- Dion with the Jheri curl? - Girl�

Dwayne, how did it go?

Well, until today I thought I was a pretty good teacher, but�

You are, Pookie. You taught me a lot.

Sweetie, this is not about you for once. I shouldn't have been so cold to Lena.

Oh. You did her a favor.

I encouraged her to let her guard down, then threw her an uppercut.

Someone had to knock some sense into her, Dwayne.

But she's tough, she'll bounce back.

Whitley, she's not as tough as you think she is.

It's exactly that kind of thinking

that got you into this mess in the first place, Dwayne.

You just don't understand.

Women are manipulative and conniving.

And they talk too much.

Well, maybe I'm talking to the wrong person.

- Mr. Gaines. - Yeah?

May you excuse Lena for a second?

Anything over 10 minutes is off the clock. Make it snappy.

I'm running a business here.

I think maybe the way I handled things this afternoon was a little insensitive.

You kicked me to the curb, Dwayne.

No, excuse me, I mean, Mr. Wayne.

Well, I think you misinterpreted our relationship.

No, no, no. I think you led me on.

Did I lead you on or did you see something you wanted to see?

- I got work to do. - Lena?

Lena?

Did you hurt her again?

What?

I thought you were straight with people.

Accepting Lena's cobbler was one thing but�

did you have to accept that jacket?

Yo, yo. You ever play my friend like that again,

and you'll feel the wrath of Terrence Johann Taylor.

Boo!

Yo, yo, hey�

You just remember what I told you.

Go on. Have a seat.

Welcome to your first midterm review.

- Tea? - No. No, thanks.

Okay.

I'm just gonna ask you a few questions, all right?

How's your freshman year treating you?

Are you getting along with your roommates?

They're all right.

Freddie's not trying to get you to change, is she?

Only in the morning.

Are you eating right? Getting enough protein?

Think so. Yeah.

You look a little thin.

You might want to add a little carbohydrates to that diet.

How's your social life?

Are you going to frat parties and football games?

Are you dating?

All right, Whitley.

I know what you're getting at. Just come on out and say it.

Say what?

About me tripping on Dwayne?

Oh! Your little crush on Dwayne.

Well�

I can't say that I blame you, Lena.

My Dwayne is irresistible�

but he's your teacher,

and you put him in an awkward position.

Are you lonely?

Yeah. I miss my father, my friends in Baltimore�

Your homies?

Does Dwayne remind you of a homeboy?

Well, he can play ball,

and he was the first person who really reached out to me.

Even though we are from vastly different

cultural backgrounds, lifestyles and upbringings,

I, too, was very lonely in my first year here at Hillman.

And believe it or not,

no one liked me.

I heard about that.

If you were having problems, Lena,

why didn't you come to me?

I'm warm.

I'm open.

I'm female.

You are female.

I'm open too. Come on, you can give me that.

Lena, I didn't feel like I fit in at all when I first came here,

so I decided I didn't have to.

But that was wrong.

As soon as I opened up, the world was my oyster.

I even got me a man out of it.

The same thing can happen to you.

Yeah?

A different man, of course.

Of course.

Oh. Ron, I think it's for you.

Well, tell them I'm busy building my empire.

Ha, ha, hell!

Whoa!

What happened to you?

You and your products, maggot.

I put my reputation and skin on the line for you.

- But, Cleo! - Don't "Cleo" me!

What did you use?

That damn heb-sed hair bleach.

What about you?

Ugh!

Nothing. I'm here to support my sisters.

Oh, would you look at this?

"These products contain properties which may cause

discoloration, blotchiness and random hair growth!"

Well, who reads labels?

You should have!

I didn't make the products.

I'm just as much of a victim as you are. I've been duped!

You cough up the money, you little bloodsucker!

I don't have it. I spent it.

- Oh! Housequake! - You hear that?

So?

Well, I don't think I aced it, but I at least got a "B."

- Without partial credit? - Without partial credit.

Whoa�

- Thanks for your help. - Hey, it's my job.

Look�

I just want to say sorry about the way I acted.

I took your friendship and I just�

ran with it.

Well, how's your new tutor doing?

He's all right, but we don't play much ball.

Oh, you got your priorities straight?

Yes, but I'd still like to get you on the real court.

Um, Miss James, I'll see you downstairs?

Oh, yes, I'll be right there, Mr. Wess.

He's my new tutor.

- Study hard. - Oh, I will.

And while I work on my calculus,

you work on your game.

Ha!

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