Original subtitles

Kim!

Naughty.

I can relate.

Kim, Matthew, I want you to listen to this.

Uh-oh, another letter from your mystery valentine?

Yes, but this one is even more romantic.

"Let our souls hover like a mist

"over the lagunas of a new consciousness."

Freddie, sounds like this is the guy for you.

Yeah. And who� who is this man?

And how�

How does he have such knowledge of my very essence?

Your essence isn't exactly undercover.

See you later, Kim.

Oh, Mr. Gaines, finally, I'm on Cupid's hit list.

Moi.

It says that he's going to reveal himself tonight.

Oh, well, if he does, I'll have him arrested.

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me, come what may ?

? Mmm ?

? I know now that I'm ready, yeah ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it, hey! ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it! ?

? We can take it, hey ?

? Just remember that you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? Yeah, than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from! ?

I like that, Lou.

You've been working hard.

Meet me at my house at two o'clock.

Do you have to do this today, Whitley?

Honey, I have gone over this with you.

My marketing project is "The Men of Hillman" calendar.

I have to Polaroid all these men today

so the photographer can take their picture tomorrow.

I don't like my woman spending Valentine's Day

with the buff brigade.

Oh, honey, to me, it's just gluteus taken to the maximus.

Hey, let's keep the maximus to the minimus, okay?

Oh, se�or, I love it when you're Latin and demanding.

Oh, Happy Valentine's Day, Vern.

No, it ain't. Had a fight with Velma.

Oh, yeah? What about?

S-E-X or the lack of it.

You getting a little too frisky for her?

No, not me, it's Velma.

See, when I work hard all day, sometimes when I get home,

- I ain't in the mood. - Mmm-hmm.

I ain't a machine, you know.

What, she can't deal with that?

See, Velma used to call me her marathon man.

And I don't mean running either.

When it comes to jazz, there's Miles Davis,

and then there's everybody else.

That's exactly the way I feel about you.

Well, tomorrow we can talk about Dizzy, Ella and Sarah.

We're going to do more than talk, sister.

You spending a lot of time around Jaclyn.

I'm telling you, homey,

this is the girl's that's going to make me monogamous.

Don't tell it to me. Tell it to Patti.

Don't have to. She's out of town.

Ron.

So Jaclyn's meeting you at the club tonight?

- No, Lorna is. - Lorna?

I'm trying to figure out a way to break that date.

- I don't know what it is with you? - Because. See the-

Oh, Lorna, Lorna, Lorna.

Lorna!

What's up, baby? I was just talking about you.

I got bad news.

I have to work tonight. I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm crushed.

Valentine's won't be the same without you, but I'll get over it somehow.

That's what I love about you, Ron. You're so understanding.

That's true. That's really true.

Ta-ta.

"I'll get over it somehow."

You better learn how to spell "hell" because that's where you're going.

No chance. Just because I lied to a couple hundred women?

So, after our walk in the park, we'll sip Marsala

as we listen to Marsalis at the Brass Boot.

Oh, Marcus, I love it.

So did Margaret.

We went there every year before our divorce.

Anyway, after that, I thought we'd have dinner at the Charbonner.

- Okay. - That was our restaurant.

Then maybe a nice romantic carriage ride through Old Richmond�

where Margaret lives.

Uh, Marcus, I may be way, way off,

but you're still in love with your ex-wife, aren't you?

Well, yes, but let's not let that affect our Valentine's Day.

It won't.

- Jaleesa� - Marcus, go teach a class.

That's what Margaret used to say.

Jaleesa, I didn't know you were seeing Professor Anderson.

Apparently, neither did he.

I hate Valentine's Day.

Certainly, join me, join me. It's not my favorite holiday either.

You know, between the flowers, the greeting cards

- and all that nasty candy� - Mmm-hmm.

Oh, the only person who sends me that is my mother.

Mine comes from my Aunt Louise with a check for $5 in it.

- You get $5. - Hey, it's big money.

That's right.

Blank?

I was going to cook for myself tonight, but how about you joining me, huh?

Where does your ex-wife live?

Germany.

What's for dinner?

Oh, Phil,

I've never heard that one before.

It's right over here, honey.

Okay. You can start by taking off your shirt.

My, my, my!

Hey, booboo.

- Hey, bro. - Dwayne.

Hey.

- You don't want to go in there. - Of course I do.

- Get away from the door. - No.

Oh, you poor unsuspecting fool.

Bearing gifts of love on this tragic day.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about fidelity, trust.

"Fidelity Trust." My bank closed?

Oh, no!

Look, man, the best thing to do

is get a new girlfriend, like when your dog dies.

You're not making sense. Why do I need a new girlfriend?

Dwayne, brace yourself.

Whitley is in there with a guy.

Is that all, man?

Maybe they like it that way.

- Hi, Dwayne. - Hey.

Okay, Phil, you're done.

And, Phil, you were great.

Don't tell me he's next.

Don't be ridiculous, Phil. That's just my boyfriend.

Goodbye, Phil.

Ridiculous, Whitley?

Phone.

Hello? Hi, Steadman.

Chickenpox? At your age?

Okay.

Well, stay home then.

Excuse me, why is it ridiculous, Whitley?

I have 12 men, 12 different majors, and I just lost my engineer.

Oh, you don't say?

Thank goodness you're here.

- You can help me. - Well, I guess I could.

You know everybody in the engineering department.

Can you tell me who'd be the right man for Mr. February?

I thought you was asking me.

I didn't think this was your thing, honey.

It's not, but I'd do it to bail you out, babe.

You're my boyfriend. That wouldn't look right.

You mean I wouldn't look right. But that's cool.

Oh, Dwayne, don't be mad.

Do you want me to do this? I can help you out.

I'm a man of Hillman. Do you want me to pose?

- Well� - Admit it, you hate my body, right.

Oh, no, pookie, I love your body.

I think your body is very sexy.

It's just that I'm marketing this for a whole slew of females,

and they like�

beefcake�

not cupcake.

You can kiss this cupcake goodbye.

Franco, American! Come on in.

You're jamming to the sounds of X-pression.

I'm the little drummer boy, Ron Johnson.

We're going to take a short break and then we'll be right back.

All right, fellas, last stop. Let's take them on home.

Happening band, little drummer boy.

If we play half as good

as you was busting a move on that dance floor, we're home free.

You like the way I move?

Baby, I even like the way you don't move.

Let me tinker with the equipment, and I'll be right with you.

Sugar, sugar, sugar.

Clint, I am falling hard.

What else is new, man?

I'm telling you, this time it's for real.

Uh, you plan on telling Lorna now?

Lorna's at work, man.

You mean working her way over here.

Ronnie!

What in the hell is she doing here?

- I got great news, honey. - Yeah?

My boss made up with her boyfriend. She gave us all the night off.

Cupid is working overtime.

Oh, yeah. Somebody needs to stop him.

Lorna, isn't this a good time to catch up on that sleep you missed last week?

What are you talking about? I'm ready to party.

Oh, well, then so will I.

As soon as I get back from wardrobe.

Rap to them for one second and I'll be right back, okay?

Ron, Ron!

Where are you running off to?

Jac, I was going to get something to drink.

Here. Just hang out and I'll be right back in two seconds, okay, sweetheart.

Surprise!

Patti. What are you doing here?

I thought you were you going to DC to recreate that march on Washington?

I decided to march on home to be with my valentine.

That's so wonderful.

Patti, we're going to dedicate this song to you, sweetheart,

so stay right here and I'll be right back.

Say, man, let's hit it.

Yo, we're on a break, man.

Yo, it's my band and I'm breaking the break, let's hit it!

Yo, X-pression, let's hit it!

Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to get back with this next tune.

It's called, "Damn, Damn, Damn."

So, how's the cappuccino?

Oh, it's delicious, thank you.

And thank you again for rescuing me today.

Oh, stop it.

You know, I really should have seen it coming.

There were signs that Marcus is still in love with his ex-wife.

But that's the risk you run when you date a divorcee.

There's always a chance of reconciliation.

You ever think about getting back with your ex?

Only to poison his food.

I married Lamar right out of high school.

He was kind and warm and had a great capacity for love.

Oh, really?

Yeah, which explains why he was sleeping with half the neighborhood.

You know, my ex-wife divorced me

because I couldn't dance.

Get out of here, Brad.

I'm telling you the truth.

Well, that, coupled with the fact we had absolutely nothing in common.

- See? - Yeah.

But, now, you see, the joke is on her,

because, well, now, check this out.

? Ah, boom, boom, boom, boom ?

? Pang, pang, chikoo, chika-ka-ka ?

- Wait a minute now. - Come on, you can do it.

Hey, wait�

? Boom, boom, chika ?

Ha! Yeah!

There you go! Ah!

- Look out now. - Hey!

Yeah�

Oh, this is great. You aren't bad.

Hey, you aren't either.

Whoa!

Brad, I think this is moving just a little too fast.

Jaleesa, honey, this isn't moving at all, because my back is locked.

Oh, my goodness.

Kim, did you see anybody here wearing a crystal?

Yeah. You.

There was a message under my door saying my secret valentine

would be here today wearing the exact same crystal.

Yes, I am dying of anticipation.

You know what my psychic said?

Well, my psychic only said

that this man was going to be my soulmate and my twin flame.

Um, Freddie, I think your destiny just arrived.

I know.

I can feel his presence.

Yo. Yo.

Terrence!

Wait, wait. Don't tell me.

He sent you ahead wearing the crystal.

Ha! It's so romantic.

Who?

My mystery valentine.

My twin flame.

Oh, Freddie,

I am that flame that burns for you.

This is not funny, Terrence.

Wait a minute. It wasn't meant to be.

It was the only way I could get your attention.

I wanted you to see a different side of me.

Wait, Freddie�

"You are the spiritual goddess in the temple of my soul." Isis!

"Without you I'm lost in the chasm of my solitude."

Isis. My favorite goddess.

At least have a chamomile tea with me.

Well, okay, Terrence.

I have to admit, those letters that you wrote,

they really touched my heart.

We'll work our way around to the other parts.

No, we won't.

Is this cruise to Bermuda just a vacation for you and your wife

or a special occasion?

Sixty-fifth anniversary.

Oh, you couldn't be married 65 years.

Oh, no. Not wedding anniversary.

The 65th time she's thrown me out of the house.

But I believe she means it this time.

Hmm. Did she change the locks?

Worse. She got a pit bull.

May I ask why she threw you out?

Oh, she doesn't think I find her desirable anymore.

Truth is, I love the woman more than I do baseball.

Well, Ii she forgives me tonight,

she'll see the return of her marathon man.

Marathon man?

Ooh.

A woman would be very proud to sail on a cruise with you.

- Vern� - Mmm-hmm?

If things don't work out at home,

you have a friend in Brenda Hanes.

Yeah, well, oh, my goodness!

I better call Velma.

- Oh, God, hi. - Hi.

Look at this.

My name? Oh, Matthew, that is so silly.

Sure, by today's standards,

but in the 1700s, on Valentine's Day,

a man would always wear the name of the woman he loved

on his sleeve.

Ergo, the expression, "Wearing his heart on his sleeve."

I'm flattered, but don't you think I have a say in being the woman you love?

Absolutely not.

This is strictly a decision between me and my heart.

I see you're not convinced. Watch.

Each scrap of paper contains a man's name.

The one that stays at the top is the man for you.

Don't tell me. The 1700s?

What do you want? It's my favorite century.

Okay.

- "Matthew." - See? It's fate.

Case closed. No more calls.

They all say Matthew, don't they?

A love magician never gives away his secrets.

And now, for the pi�ce de r�sistance.

- Oh. - This bracelet symbolizes us.

Oh, Matthew, it's beautiful.

Not here, okay?

Then where?

Well, I'm a private person.

Every time we go out, there's always eyes staring at us.

Kim, as long as we're together,

those eyes are always going to be there.

Here at Hillman, over at Avery, and every place else we go.

The only eyes that matter�

are these.

And what if I can't?

If you can't, um�

then I'll try to stop falling in love with you.

Matthew.

Oh, my!

One more time! One more time!

You flying solo from here on in.

No, Clint, wait a minute. Clint. Yo.

Chuck� Charles�

You can handle this, Ron. This is not a problem.

Come on, man. Let's just do it.

Patti, listen, baby, I'm a little played out tonight,

so I'm going to just crash backstage and I'll call you in the a.m., all right?

- Are you sure you're all right? - I'm fine. Listen�

I love you, baby. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?

Yes, yes, go on.

Lorna. Excuse me.

Lorna. Baby, listen.

I'm a little played out,

so I'm going to just crash backstage and I'll call you in the a.m., okay?

You're my man, I should be with you.

Oh, no, no, there's no need.

I'll be fine. I love you, baby.

I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?

Jackie, Jackie.

- Hi. - Hi.

Excuse me. Hi, sweetheart.

Are you having a good time, honey?

A great time, but are you okay?

Yeah. I'm just a little played out, that's all.

You should be, you were up there for two hours.

I have never seen such stamina, such determination.

You are wonderful.

Yeah, well, I don't know.

What? Are you sure you're all right?

Um, Jaclyn, I'm feeling something new.

Something I've never felt before.

The need to come clean.

About what?

You weren't my only Valentine. I had two other backups.

But they're gone now.

They're history. They're out of here.

You are the only woman in my life now.

That felt kind of good.

That felt nice.

This is� This is right.

Yes.

Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart.

Yes, baby. Happy Valentine's Day.

And drop dead.

Push! Come on. Push it!

- Dwayne� - Push it.

- Dwayne! - Push it.

Oh, honey.

The reason I didn't want you in the Hillman calendar

is because I didn't want to share your luscious body

with all the women of Hillman.

I was selfish, insensitive and insecure,

but I've overcome it,

and I want you to be in the calendar.

I don't need your pity, woman.

I'm not asking out of pity.

I'm asking out of love.

I can share your body with all the women of Hillman,

'cause they'll just have the picture.

I have the original.

I am kind of slinky sexy at that, ain't I?

Like a lynx.

Hot off the presses. "The Men of Hillman" calendar.

Oh, yeah, yeah. How do I look?

Well, let's just say that the camera was very kind to you.

Whitley!

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