Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me Come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it We can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going with that?

Camping.

Why not just take the whole bed?

Won't fit in the tent.

Why can't people just go home for spring break? Gimme that.

Yo, Ernesto, you ready to hit the highway?

South Carolina, here we come.

Man. What died?

Yeah, the guy was gonna clean the rental van.

Do you have a can of de-funk?

No, but I have some aftershave.

Ernest, we want the van to smell better not worse.

Well, Freddie likes the smell. That's all that counts.

How much are you bringing, bro?

A five-gallon drum and the soap on a rope that goes with it.

- Go ahead and do it, stinky. - I plan to.

Well, Ron Johnson won't be placing his order

until he sees the entire babe menu.

Specials and all.

- Oh, do it, studly. - Oh, I plan to.

Yeah, and I plan to hook up with the first island girl I see.

No, maybe the second.

Well, in case I don't find any of the local dishes appetizing,

I do have a contingency plan.

Our very own�

- Kim Reese. - She's cute.

She's gonna be a doctor.

She knows her way around the human body.

Gentlemen, let's do it.

- Let's do it. - Here we go.

Do it, girl.

And if every guy on the island turns out to be a squid,

well, there's always Ron Johnson.

Nah, I'll stick with the squid.

Good move.

I think Ernest has a few plans of his own for this weekend.

Oh, really? What makes you think that?

Well, he's been drowning himself in that nasty aftershave.

I can smell him clear across the quad.

I like his cologne.

Keep your nose off my man.

Well, ladies, I'll be thinking about you.

While you're playing spin-the-Brut bottle in your little grass lean-to,

Julian and I will be luxuriating

in his parents' private condo

in Hilton Head.

I guess you won't be sending us postcards

saying, "Wish you were here."

Not on this trip.

Aw, forgot my Lenny Kravitz tape.

No, no. Don't you mean my Lenny Kravitz tape?

Can I borrow it?

"Can I borrow it?"

Sure, go ahead. Take it. Take anything but my bed. Okay?

Have a good trip.

Drive safely.

I� I have my bikini, my sarong, my suntan lotion.

I'm ready.

We have to postpone our trip.

You can't postpone spring break, Julian.

It only comes once a year.

I just got a call from the director of Pan-African Union.

She wants me to go to DC for a second interview.

I see.

Are you upset?

Oh�

Surprised.

Not upset.

Good.

In fact, the truth of the matter is

I was torn between spending the week with you as we planned

or hanging out with my girlfriends in their luxurious island cabana.

Right, Kim?

Oh, yeah.

Her girlfriends mean the world to her.

So you see? You don't even worry about me.

You just to go DC, Julian, and you get that job.

Your work should come first.

You're really something.

She sure is.

Got to go.

I love you.

I hate him.

Man, what time did you tell them to be ready?

Ten o'clock.

Ten?

If you want a woman ready at 10:00, you have to tell her at 9:00.

Yo, yo, yo, here it is.

I have marked the highways, the byways, and of course, my way.

We don't need a road map to get to South Carolina.

Just hook a left when you come out the parking lot,

a right when you hit the ocean,

and keep on cranking till you see, "Welcome to the Peach State."

That's Georgia, man.

Whatever.

Does your family know you in college?

Ha!

Man, gimme the number to the beach house.

There is no phone.

That's good. So when you're in trouble you can't call me.

Finally.

It's about time.

So, Whitley. What time are you and Georgetown heading off to Hilton Head?

We're not.

Due to unforeseen circumstances,

Julian finds himself en route to DC.

Therefore, I am spending the week with you guys

in Devils Island.

That's a shame.

Whitley, your plans fell through. Hey, Ron, isn't that a shame?

Yeah, it's horrible.

You owe me $79.50, not including gas and tolls.

Oh, Kim, let me get your bags.

Thanks.

Nice traveling outfit.

Nice curves.

"Isn't that a shame? Ron, what a shame."

Man, you have no shame.

Walter, you got me all wrong. I'm devoid of all lustful intent.

Course, once Whitley sees me in my Hawaiian shirt and matching shorts,

there's no telling what she'll try to do to me.

And I will not try to stop her.

? Swing down, chariot's stopping Let me ride ?

? Swing down, chariot's stopping Let me ride ?

? Rock me, Lord, rock me, Lord� ?

All right, all right. This is not the gospel jubilee.

Goodness. Forgive them, Lord. They know not how they sound.

The operative word is fun!

The operative word is humid.

Do you know how my hair is gonna look after five minutes in this climate?

Like a bushwoman, and I don't mean Barbara.

You brought your bathing cap, your backup bathing cap.

You brought your mousse, your gel, your foil, wig.

Shh!

Have fun, or I'm running that wig up a flagpole.

That ferry ride did me in.

I'm not surprised. You get seasick on a rowing machine.

Ron, you really came through! I love this place.

Oh, no.

What?

Only got five days left.

Don't forget five nights.

God, Ernest!

I guess we better unload this stuff.

- Oh, no. Got to go. - Make it quick. I got to go, too, man.

I'm not talking about hitting the can but hitting the beach.

Ho, Don Ho. Before you go.

Not before you unload your bag. This ain't "Driving Mr. Lazy."

That's not my bag, either. This is my bag.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some sand to get between my toes.

When a woman sees a man walking on the beach at sunset,

she thinks he's sensitive.

I wish I had a dog.

Unbelievable.

What's up?

The only woman on the beach was somebody's granny on a clam dig.

Uh-oh. It looks like it's time for plan B.

You got that right.

If you can't find one to love, love the one you're with.

I hear you talking.

Would somebody do something with this bag?

- Ernesto, your beer. - Great, thanks.

I really admire artists who write their own material

like Smokey and Simply Red.

Whoa. Simply Red simply borrowed that song.

Someone else recorded "If You Don't Know Me by Now."

Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes. September 1972, Philly International.

Your label lead singer, Theodore Teddy Pendergrass.

I'm impressed.

Well, there's more where that came from�

Oh! You remember this one?

? I need love, love to ease my mind ?

"You Can't Hurry Love."

The Supremes, Motown Records.

July 1966, number one for two weeks.

Go, Ron!

? I need to find, find ?

? Someone to call mine ?

? But mama said ?

? You can't hurry love No, you just have to wait ?

Come here, woman.

? She said love don't come easy ?

? It's a game of give and take ?

? You can't hurry love ?

? You just have to wait� ?

I'm Diana.

? No matter how long it takes ?

? But how many heartaches ?

? Must I stand ?

You ain't Mary Wilson now.

? To let me live again? ?

? Right now the only thing ?

? That keeps me hanging on ?

? When I feel my strength ?

? Is almost gone ?

? I remember mama said You can't hurry love ?

? You just have to wait ?

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Our bag's not here. I knew it!

That runt at the rental company found it.

I don't think so. I think he was telling the truth.

Then why did you waste him?

I felt like it.

This is our man, "Dwayne Cleophus Wayne."

"Cleophus?" Ugh! For his sake, I hope that's a typo.

For his sake, I hope he hasn't messed with our stuff.

It is so peaceful here.

Just listen to those waves.

I beg your pardon.

Hey! Anybody else want another brew?

Freddieosa?

No, thanks. I got drunk once, and once was enough.

I can't even watch Cheers.

All right.

You have to build up capacity, see? I can handle it.

I been drinking for a while.

Ernest!

You've been walking a while too, but you can't handle that.

I'm not drunk.

It's these fim swins.

Swim fins.

Maybe. But if you were sober, you'd have on some shoes.

Ernest, I don't like you when you're like this.

How you like me now?

Uh-oh. I recognize that shade of green. Give him room.

Gross!

I suppose somebody should go in there and see how he's doing.

Don't look at me.

He's your man.

Yeah, but you're the medical student.

Pre-med, and I am going to bed.

All right, I'll get him a glass of water.

But you thought he was cute first.

Nobody's cute cuddling a commode. Night, all.

You're not gonna let one beer-drenched brother ruin the party, are you?

I repeat, "Night, all."

I guess you're turning in too, partner?

Hell, no. There's still three of us.

The few, the proud, the party animals.

Hey, yo, Ron, man�

How about a midnight stroll on the beach?

Better yet, a midnight skinny-dip.

Count me out.

Oh, I've already seen him naked.

You have. Why don't you just-

Well, I got it. How about a game of Outburst? Outburst! Outburst!

- Outburst! - Ron!

You've had a long, hard day.

I suggest you go upstairs and get some rest

before I tuck you in with a brick.

So I guess this isn't the spring break you had in mind, huh, Whit?

I don't mind.

I don't need Julian to have a good time.

Hey, there's a good attitude. That's a very good attitude.

- As long as I'm with my friends. - Hey, friends are what count, babe.

Sometimes I think friends are just as important as lovers.

Maybe even more so.

Did you say lovers?

You know, Mama and Daddy were married for 25 years, Dwayne,

and now, they can't even exchange three words

except "rot in hell."

That's too bad.

But Mama and her best friend have been through everything together.

Friends are sensitive to your needs.

Friends are caring.

Mmm. So true.

So I don't really need Julian.

No, not in the least.

You two look comfortable.

We are.

Too bad you're on my bed.

- Friends are so sensitive. - And so caring.

I'm exhausted, now beat it.

Ron, would you get off my bed?

- Brother. - Hey.

I can't wait to see the women of Hillman calendar in the flesh.

That is it. I am tired of going toe-to-toe with this bag.

Just take it upstairs.

Do I have to do every damn thing?

I arranged the trip, I navigated, I entertained the women.

Man, this is too heavy to be Whitley's.

Well, it must be Whitley's. Look at all the money.

Wait a minute, this is not Whitley's.

They're hundreds.

Hundreds of hundreds. Brother, we're rich!

We're bound to have women!

You're tripping, man! We can't keep this.

Why not? Possession is nine-tenths of the law.

Don't say "possession."

Whoa. Let me see that.

Come on.

Hey! What are you doing? This isn't Lik-M-Aid!

I'm trying to see what it is.

You've never done drugs.

So?

So what good is it to taste it if you've never done drugs?

From now on, you're not watching Wiseguy, okay?

How do you know this is drugs?

Because you don't make this kind of money pushing foot powder.

Now there's a ferry in half hour.

We gotta take it over to mainland and to the police.

Wait, wait. Let me just hold the money one more time.

You can hold it all the way to the police station. Let's go.

Where are the van keys?

Do I know everything?

Ron, you moved the van. Where'd you put the keys?

- You find them. Yeah. - I'll find them?

- Find what? - The van keys.

Oh. Freddie hid them from Ernest. He wanted to go for a ride

- but he was too zonked to drive. - Where?

- Around the island. - I'm talking about the van keys.

Where did she put the van keys?

Oh. Well, knowing Freddie, they could be anywhere.

- Damn. - Why you need the van?

- We found a bag- - Bag full of pajamas.

We're gonna take it over to the police to the lost and found.

All right.

Kim.

You know, some people feel uncomfortable sleeping in the buff.

I don't. Do you?

I'll tell Freddie you're looking for the keys.

Kim.

Is that cover-up covering up a bikini?

No, I'm naked.

Okay, we're not waiting for anybody.

We're gonna hotfoot it to the mainland,

take this to the police, and get rid of this thing.

- Do you think she's really naked? - Ron, come on.

We won!

Way to go! We're bad.

Watch out, baby. Watch out now.

'Cause Paul is not a good loser.

Oh, he'll get used to it.

So, what do you gentlemen do when you're not on vacation?

We're sales reps for a pharmaceutical company.

Wow. That means you must travel a lot.

Yeah, we get around.

We cover the border states and occasionally, we get to South America.

I've always wanted to see the rainforest.

Would anyone like any more coffee?

No para me.

I never touch the stuff.

You know, caffeine's a very bad habit.

You're right.

- I should switch to herbal tea. - I'll take that.

- Thank you. - My pleasure.

This house is pretty isolated.

Aren't you women afraid of being alone?

Oh, we're not alone.

We've got men with us.

I mean, they're not with us with us.

They're just with us.

They're not even men. They're just our men friends.

- Do I make you nervous? - No.

Not at all.

I just, uh, remembered.

I'm supposed to look for some van keys for my men friends.

Where they going?

To the police.

The police?

Yeah. They found a guy's bag and want to return it to the owner.

The contents valuable?

I don't know. Probably just some guy's pajamas.

Listen, Eric and I have to go back to the mainland later.

We can take the bag for you.

You might have to if I can't find these keys.

? Da da da ?

We'll take it anyway. Save your men friends a trip.

Aw, that'd be so great.

I know Dwayne and Ron would really appreciate it.

No problem.

Where's the bag?

I don't know. I didn't see it.

But I will look for it on one condition.

That you and Eric will stay for lunch.

We've been invited to lunch.

Really? Mm. Great.

I'm starved.

You mind if we shower and change first?

Oh, no. Go right upstairs.

Nuestra casa es su casa.

Muchas gracias, Linda.

Are they cute or what?

Did you see Eric's arms?

Schwarzenegger has nothing on this man.

And he sells drugs, too,

which means he's in the medical profession!

I thought he was obnoxious.

Linda.

He don't even know your name.

"Linda" is Spanish for pretty.

In that case, he's pretentious.

Tell that boy he's in North America now. Speak English.

What's her problem?

Sounds like the fifth wheel squeaking to me.

Ladies, we came down here to spend time with each other.

And what do you two do?

You go and glom on the first male bodies that pass the beach and say "hi."

Yes, but what bodies.

Hi, Ernest.

Care to join us for a little lasagna today?

This is it.

Our home away from home.

This is my uncle's house. You know he overcharged you.

I'd have paid double for the opportunity to meet you.

You did.

How could you be playing Love Connection while we're in The French Connection?

It's not my fault that�

It's not my fault that we missed the ferry.

Yes it is. You wouldn't even try to jump.

Did you see how far that boat was?

Shamu the whale couldn't have made that leap.

Besides it wasn't the last ferry tonight, so chill, homes,

while I go over here and heat things up.

After you, my island flower.

Ooh-ooh!

- It's not under this bed either. - It's got to be in here somewhere.

Did I tell you Kim's pre-med? Mm-hmm!

She looks good. All that and brains too.

Man, I know she wants me.

Will you forget the women? We've got other things to worry about.

Besides, they know nothing about the drugs.

If those punks turned around and sold our stuff, they're dead.

If we don't find the bag?

Then we wait for Dwayne Cleophus Wayne.

Ron, I don't want to impose.

Impose? Ha. Don't be ridiculous.

Tell her you won't have a problem whipping up lunch for one more?

Oh, Ron, any woman who's with you is more than welcome to stay for lunch.

Dinner. Heck, stay all week.

Can I help you somehow?

You can toss Ron's salad.

She already has.

Ron! There's two guys upstairs going through our stuff.

Oh, Dwayne, It's just the guys we met on the beach.

- They might be looking for towels. - I don't think so.

Trust me, they are so sweet. They even offered to turn in that bag.

Oh!

Tell your friends they don't have to do that

'cause we took the bag and we left. Got that?

- Got it. - Give me the keys.

- Van keys. They're there. - Yeah.

They were.

We got to run.

You don't leave a woman when she's getting ready to cook.

You guys, what about lunch?

Where are they going?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Ron invites me here

then leaves me dusty and rusty on the shelf.

This man is not right.

I like her.

Paul! I got great news.

You don't have to take that bag to the police station

'cause Dwayne and Ron just left with it.

- Would you like some� - Hey, what?

�cheese?

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