Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me Come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready, yeah ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world, ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it We can take it ?

? Hey, just remember that You've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

Well, here you go, one sleeping bag.

- It's a bit beat up, but it is so warm. That will work.

I store it in a mixture of mothballs,

pine cones, pine needles and hickory chips.

See, that way it always smells like the wilderness.

That it does, Freddie.

All your stuff for the weekend is in this little bag?

It's a R.O.T.C. retreat.

I'm not gonna bring junk, so I can stand out an idiot civilian.

All right, Dwayne, let's go�

Got everything I need, brother.

You look like you ready to run away from home.

I got this survival weekend beat. I've lived in the wild.

- Where? - I was born in Phily,

corner of 53rd and Girard.

People had wolves instead of dogs.

We're gonna show these army grunts that they have nothing on us athletes.

- Athletes? - Hey, I'm on the baseball team.

No, my brother, you're on the baseball bench.

Hi. Bye.

- Ready to go? - Goodness.

- Sure you're ready for this? - I was the most decorated boy scout

- in Troup 12-94 till my mom yanked me out. - Why?

- I was always decorated with poison oak. - Let's go, itchy. Don't wanna be late.

- Excuse me. - Where are you rushing off to?

Oh. I forgot. Tomorrow's my daddy's birthday.

I have to buy a present and send it this afternoon.

He's not gonna mind if it's a couple of days late.

Now, he won't but his "romper room" wife will.

Monica will crawl out of the crib just in time to tell him

- that his daughter forgot his birthday. - But you did.

But if I send it express mail by four o'clock, I didn't.

Can I come with you? I need a new pair of Birkenstocks.

Plus, I love to watch you power-shop. Cha-cha-ching.

Cha-cha-ching. I love it.

Freddie, honey, you can come with me. Don't make that noise in public.

Ah-ha! That will get your attention.

All right. Our main objective this weekend

is to expose civilians to army training.

Because we know that the key to survival is fitness.

- Don't worry about me, I'm in good shape. - Well, if you say so.

Now, over the next two days, you will obtain points for each test.

We're gonna start with the reaction course.

It's a grueling test of strength and endurance.

Some of you may want to sit this out.

I got 50 bucks to make you eat your words.

Fifty dollars? Let the challenge begin!

- Mr. Wayne. - Do it, Dwayne.

- Over. - Do it, brother.

Let's go. Come on, Johnson.

Good going.

Okay, Oakes, rise and climb!

Come on, Oakes.

Maybe you ought to give me that $50 now to lighten your load.

- Piece of cake. - Come on, Ford, show him how to do it.

Use the other rope. Come on, Ford.

Come on, soldier. Come on, there you go!

Not bad.

No, the rope won't help you. It's not the rope.

Come on there, D.

- Not bad, 8.5 seconds. - How do you like me now?

I like you fine. I did it in 8.2!

You're an experienced crawler. I'll get you on this balance beam.

- Oak tree, one, drain pipe, zip. - What's the matter?

Looks like that score just changed.

Backpack got caught on something.

Walter, since I don't have my camera, man, I'm going to have to talk about you!

Okay, Ford, Bennett, help him on out of this thing here.

No wonder you took so long. Oh, yeah.

You just stopped in there to do a little shopping.

Can we just get on with the next event, please?

There you go. Keep it moving.

Nice going.

Come on, keep it moving.

All right, Ron, let's go.

- All right, Wayne. - There you go.

- You're starting to get on my nerves. - Good, boy.

Come on, old man.

I hope you didn't get my money dirty.

Wow.

Now this is a place to do some serious shopping.

Yes. Du Monde's is the Monica killer.

The cheapest thing in here will make her gift look like

it came out of a gum ball machine.

Watch your elbows. This isn't a piano bar.

Excuse me.

- Hello, miss? - Yes?

Hi. I'd like to look at some men's watches, please.

They're right down here in this end of the case.

I can see that. But I might want a closer look, please.

I'd have to get the key from my manager.

Why don't you do that?

Look at these pearls!

- Fake. - I can't tell the difference.

You just keep shopping at Hazeen's sparkle-rama.

Here's one that may suit you.

Miss, I'm not looking for a watch for Tinkerbell.

It's for my daddy.

I'd like a gold watch, please. Like that one.

You do realize it's not gold plate.

Good. Then the gold won't rub off when you take it out of the case.

Gold plate.

- Hold my purse. - It's a very expensive watch.

That is why I like it.

It's got "eat your heart out, Monica" written all over it.

Along with your fingerprints.

Whitley, can I talk to you for a moment, please?

- Excuse me. - Surely.

- I think that we should leave. - Why?

Because I don't like this woman's "attitude."

I don't like her breath. Somebody should give her a tic-tac.

Well, It's very obvious that she doesn't want our business.

Our business?

Yes, she didn't exactly rush to your assistance.

And that rinky-stinky little watch she showed you,

even I wouldn't wear it.

Freddie, if anything, she took one look at this Billy Jean King wear

and decided that I couldn't afford to shop here.

Your co-ordinates for the color blind don't help matters any.

Good afternoon, madam. Is there something here I can show you?

Look, I have seen and heard enough. Let's get out of here.

I'm not leaving until I get Daddy a birthday present.

Fine. I'll see you back at the dorm.

I'd rather shop at Hazeen's sparkle-rama.

Excuse me. I'd like to see these watches again, please.

I have a customer.

I know� me. I was here first.

Amy, I believe this lady is right. She was here first.

Someone will be with you in just a moment.

- Are you going to buy the gold watch? - No, Amy, I'm not.

I'm going to buy the golden diamond watch.

You realize it's considerably more than the other one?

Do you see concern on my face?

In fact, throw in one of those tennis bracelets.

Money clips, two of those, please.

And gold key chains, not plated.

We don't have a layaway plan.

And a few of these.

How will you be paying for this?

Let me see,

which one of my many credit cards will I use today?

My purse� is with Freddie.

I'll be right back.

Of course you will.

Freddie! You got my purse, girl!

I cannot believe you bought all this stuff.

I don't believe I asked for your opinion.

I don't believe I asked you to go shopping with me in the first place.

Or to stick your head out the window like a sheepdog.

What's going on?

I took Paranoid Polly to the mall.

She left me stranded at Du Monde's

with no wallet, no credit cards, and an ounce of pride.

I finally tracked her down feeding corn nuts to a boa constrictor.

It was a gopher snake.

Does it matter?

The point is I had to track all the way back to Du Monde's,

I whipped out my wallet and I said, "Here, pick a card, any card."

You should have seen the manure-munching grin

on that saleswoman's face.

I showed her.

And gave a hefty commission to a woman who treated her like she had the plague.

She didn't even want to take the watches out of the case.

I'll admit she wasn't the most attentive.

Ah, well, she was attentive to certain things.

Probably boiled everything we touched.

She didn't want me touching anything because she thought I was too poor.

She thought you were too Black.

She practically burned rubber getting to the white customer.

Oh, Freddie. Freddie's just talking out the side of her neck.

Whitley, even if you only had two dollars, you shouldn't have been treated like that.

You need to take that stuff back.

And have that woman think I can't afford it?

- Can you? - No.

Whitley, as long as you continue to shop there,

you encourage her funky attitude.

Now, this reminds me of the time I was traveling with my very good friend

Floyd Ambris, Dr. Floyd Ambris.

He was one of the first few Black surgeons of the time.

- I met him in the war. - No, not the war again.

We were in the lobby of the Hotel Winston

getting ready to see the floor show in the famous blue room

when this couple handed Dr. Ambris three dollars

and said, "Take our luggage to our room, boy."

- No, they didn't. - And they wanted a wake-up call, too.

I stood there thinking,

"When Floyd goes off, this is going to be good."

But he never did.

He should have told them he was a doctor and set them straight.

Floyd said it wasn't necessary. He knew who he was.

But he kept that three-dollar tip.

Got us a front table to see the floor show.

That couple is still probably looking for their luggage�

if they ever woke up.

All right, it's 1500 hours�

that's three o'clock to you civvies.

Just show us the map, please.

If we take this path, we'll capture the most flags.

No. If we take your path, we'll capture the last place.

If you wanna win, I'll show you.

I say, you capture the most difficult flags first.

If there's time, come back for the rooty-pooks. Check this out.

We follow the stream down south to this area right in here.

- Aren't those supposed to be trees? - This is a mountain, see.

That is nobody's mountain.

It looks like a sombrero, see, the head band.

- No, this is the snow line. - At best, it's a cowboy hat.

Not a very good one at that.

Fine. We will go north at the hat.

Look, Dwayne, I know this terrain.

It will take us at least 40 minutes to capture even one of those flags.

Nod your head and act like you're following me, okay?

Now, to reach points A, B and C within 1600 hours,

the probability is 90 percent.

That's the only way we can collect all of the flags.

I say we stick with military strategy.

Gomer, everybody will be using military strategy.

That's because it works.

This is not an Easter egg hunt at your Aunt Pauline's.

I know that although I did win that Easter egg hunt at Aunt Pauline's.

Now, are we going to do this the right way or do it his way?

If it's between General Patton and Aunt Pauline,

I'll stick with the general.

- All right, man. - Okay, okay, fine.

I'll be at the finish line sipping Kool-Aid in the shade.

You going to be sipping a big, bare pine cone

is what you're gonna sip.

Units one and two have searched

the southeast and southwest quadrants.

Still no sign of missing party. Heading west to comb the mountains.

No, Sergeant Johnson. That's a negative.

Nobody would be so stupid to wander off into those mountains.

Colonel, we're talking about Dwayne Wayne.

Comb the mountains. We'll stay here in case he wanders back.

- Roger, Johnson out. - Okay.

- Well, I hope we find him before dark. - I hope so, too.

- Uh-hmm. - Dwayne sleeps with a night-light on.

I noticed you've lost a little pep in your step.

- Colonel, I got plenty of muscles left. - Uh-huh?

They all screaming out for bengay.

- You know, you win. - No, keep your money.

No, man, take this for the greenbacks.

It's the one thing on me that's not black and blue.

All right, I'll take it before we rub the face off of it.

- Are you worried about the kid? - What? Dwayne? No way.

Look here� over those mountains�

on the other side of them, that's the golf course, a country club.

To the east, we got the drive-in.

We'll either find Dwayne on the 18th hole

or putting extra butter on his popcorn at the concession stand.

I always thought the army was a place you went

when you had no job, nowhere to go, wanted to date ugly women.

But after this weekend�

It hasn't been a weekend, just been one day.

One day? Then I'm lucky I never had to fight in a war.

So is America.

Jaleesa, good. Could you put your finger here, please?

Sure.

That's nice.

Did I use the wrong finger?

I've wrapped this dumb thing seven times.

- Is that the watch? - Yes.

Whitley, this is it?

After all I heard, I expected this thing to be four feet long

with diamonds as big as your head.

Jaleesa, this is a watch of the finest quality.

Fourteen-karat gold link bracelet, Florentine face

and diamond bezel, of course.

Of course. I'm sure your dad will love it.

He wouldn't be caught dead in this gaudy piece of junk.

- What? - My father's a judge, not a televangelist.

- Then Whitley, why did you buy it? - Please, don't you start!

I've heard it from the morality police, officers Kim and Freddie.

I know, I'll go to Mr. Sid's.

Get a nice cashmere glove and scarf set.

Monica will never think of that. She's the polyester queen.

So you are returning the watch?

No, Jaleesa, I'm not returning anything.

I will not give that saleswoman the satisfaction.

Good idea. Punish her with a four-figure sale.

Jaleesa, she treated me like I was a cat hair on a black wool jacket.

If I return this stuff, she'll just think I'm nothing.

Well, Whitley, who cares what she thinks?

What do you think?

Would you think you were nothing if you couldn't buy this watch?

I don't know.

Whitley, you are intelligent

and that's got nothing to do with money.

You're strong, persistent, very persistent

and that's something you can't buy at Gucci's, Pucci's or Lucci's

and definitely not at Du Monde's.

But, Jaleesa, this afternoon,

I was strong and persistent and intelligent.

I was even very polite.

And she just refused to see it!

Whitley, when you have got her kind of ignorance,

none of that matters.

The only thing that people like that ever see is a "little Black girl."

Well, I'm not a little anything.

I'm a Black woman, and I'm proud of it.

There you go.

I'm not taking this any longer. I've had it up to here!

That woman is not getting away with this.

Do it, girl. Just return this stuff.

Isn't that a little extreme?

Colonel, we searched the entire perimeter of the camp.

Still no sign of him.

Well, I'll check the country club.

All right, I'll check the drive-in.

They got some good hot dogs there.

Well, Mr. Wayne, nice of you to drop in.

If you've been playing golf, you're a dead man.

Hey, find any Easter eggs, Chief?

Shut up. You're not my friend.

This is my friend, my only true friend.

She came this close to being my only lunch.

- What happened, man? - It was ugly, Walt. It was dark, cold.

Dark. I thought I'd never see another human again.

I thought I'd forget how to speak, walk on all fours,

eat berries and bugs, eat Janet.

- Janet? - Miss Jackson to you.

Ha-ha!

- That was a good one. - Thank goodness you're back.

I'm better than back. As of 2200 hours,

this civilian has won the flag competition.

- I got five flags. - Five flags?

Hold it, wait a minute, these two are from the golf course.

- Shouldn't that count? - It should, man.

I've played that course before. Those are two tough holes.

Hey, why are you scratching like that?

- Poison oak. - Itchy strikes again.

Hello, is there something you'd like to see?

Just Amy, please.

- Well, hello again. - Hello, Amy. Love that brooch.

Brings out the fire in your eyes.

Slight problem, Am, I need to return a few things.

- You're returning everything? - Each and every item.

That means you won't collect commission on them.

Isn't that a shame?

Well, que sera. It's only money.

Refund, please.

Typical.

Typical for whom? People with pointy heads?

Buck-toothed people?

Big-eared people?

Or is it just Black people?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I wish you really were playing dumb.

Merci beaucoup.

Those are awfully pretty.

Yes, aren't they exquisite?

Emeralds. That's my birthstone.

My mother was cursed with turquoise.

Can you imagine living your life with that tacky stone?

These would be wonderful for you.

Care to try them on?

Well�

I'd like to but I won't.

Not in this store.

Why, is there a problem?

Ask Amy.

She seems to have a problem with customers like me.

Amy, I'd like to talk to you�

in my office.

No. No!

Don't you call my name.

Don't you call it.

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