Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me Come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it We can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

Wow.

Look at the light.

It's incredible.

Dean Hughes, are you sure you don't want to

come back and inspect the dorm when Walter is here?

Jaleesa, relax, this is just a visit.

And if I stumble across a violation,

it's Walter's behind, not yours.

By the way, nice catch.

Thank you.

You know, since the dorm went co-ed,

the men and the women have really been interacting�

on a gender-neutral basis, of course.

That was incredible.

I've never created sparks like that.

- Want to try again? - Let me grab some protection.

The next thing that you are going to grab

is your trunk and a bus ticket home.

Jaleesa, we were just testing our chem project.

And what "protection" do you need for that?

Lab goggles.

We run a very studious dorm.

Whitley, I'm so glad to see you.

Hello, Dean Hughes.

My dear, I love that Ascot.

You have an incredible sense of style.

I know where you got it. From your mother.

Marian and I were students here together, class of 1950�

1960�

My mother's three years behind you.

So she is.

Whitley, listen.

I'm hosting another one of my freshman teas

a week from Sunday.

I usually invite two upper classmen

to spend the weekend to help me out and act as my co-hosts.

Dean Hughes, I'd be honored.

Then I'll see you Saturday.

- It's a date. - Good.

Okay, Kim, what does this dress say to you?

Sophisticated or continental?

Dry clean only.

Whitley, you're going to be spending two days

in Dean Hughes' kitchen.

Why don't you just wear a pair of jeans?

Jeans?

I want to dazzle the woman.

You wanna dazzle someone you've never liked?

I just said she was a little eccentric.

I believe your exact words were

"She's a Rastafarian wanna-be, activist kook."

Like I said, eccentric.

Besides, that kook is the only one

that can pick a graduating senior

to be Hillman's ambassador abroad.

All that is, is a fancy name for a student recruiter.

And you've been to Europe a million times.

But not without my mama.

And not with a purpose.

Besides, last year's ambassador was featured in Ebony magazine.

Yeah, in the back with the hair products.

Guess who's spending the weekend at Dean Hughes' house.

Whitley told me.

How could she?

The Dean invited me two seconds ago.

You?

Just think.

Throwing a tea blowout with Dean Hughes� very cool.

Winifred�

leave your beer mug at home.

This will be an afternoon of refinement and elegance.

You're right.

I should hem my good dress.

Can I borrow your scotch tape?

May I help you?

No, thanks. I got it.

What you got is the wrong house, bro.

Who are you?

Earl Rabney.

I'm staying with Ron.

You must be one of his friends.

Yeah, the friend that pays half his rent.

- Dwayne? - Yeah.

Ron mentioned something about a roommate.

He mentioned it?

Now I know that voice.

Hillman radio.

You're Dwayne Wayne's time machine.

I listen to your show every week.

Well, I've received fan letters, but never fan groceries, man.

I'm glad you mentioned that.

You fellows owe me $32.50.

What?

You can pay me later. I know where you live.

Congratulations, Mr. Bran Muffin.

You clogged the toilet again.

- What's up, Earl? - What's up?

Earl tells me we have a house guest.

Only for one night.

He's in my psych class.

He needed a place to crash while they're painting his apartment.

Next time you have a house guest, use another house.

We cannot afford $32.50 for groceries.

That reminds me. Earl, where's my change?

Your change?

I'm sorry. I forgot. Ron fronted me the cash.

So, anybody in the mood for my famous veal marsala?

All right. As long as it doesn't have any bran in it.

Oh, I love this house!

The way you mixed all these antiques

with all this modern stuff.

It's so eclectic.

Freddie, please.

If you don't stop gushing

we'll have to call Exxon to clean up the spill.

I hope you take a liking to this room

because for the next two days, this kitchen is your home.

Marc Chagall!

He is the most upbeat artist of the Nice school.

It's a lovely poster.

It's an original lithograph.

That it is.

It belongs in the living room

but after I read the morning paper,

I need to look at something uplifting.

Of course.

Freddie, have you ever been to the Chagall museum

on the French Riviera?

No. I'd never left the southwest until I came to Hillman.

Well, get a passport and go, girl.

That museum is going to be my first stop

when I go back this summer�

unless I get to Europe before then.

Put this bowl on the table.

- Gladly. - Now, ladies,

it's time to create our own works of art.

We'll start the tea off with baby quiche

duck salad, salmon mousse with endive�

and we'll save our big guns for dessert.

Petit fours.

My, my!

Won't our guests be impressed?

What are we gonna serve for beverages?

Freddie�

it's a tea.

Right.

I'm not one to brag

but on one of my many European jaunts,

I did study at the Cordon Bleu cooking school, Paris.

I think I'd be more comfortable making the duck salad.

Do you want that with or without the baco-bits?

- Without. - Without.

Ron! We've been robbed!

He must be a sick thief.

And he took all my boxer shorts.

Boxers with the bed sheets.

Isn't he great? This guy could give laundry lessons to my mama.

Next time, don't use that fabric softener.

I hate it when my drawers smell daisy fresh.

Did our couch give birth to a chair?

It's mine.

Yours?

You're welcome to sit in it.

What a guy.

Would I be welcome to ask what is it doing here?

Of course. The painters left my apartment windows open

and then it rained,

which means that the carpet had to be pulled up,

which means the furniture had to be moved out.

Which means we have a new roommate.

Temporarily.

Earl, we're in day nine of temporary.

I better get the rest of those bed sheets.

Laundry doesn't do itself.

By the way, I need some quarters.

All I have is a 20.

Cool.

I'll make change.

Ron, this is getting way out of hand.

DW, stop�

�and smell the waffles.

Is that blueberry waffles with real-

Don't pick. Earl doesn't like it when you pick.

Enter!

Mr. Gaines, have a little chocolate cappuccino.

This isn't a social call.

Somebody complained about a busted toilet.

It's been leaking three days.

You see, I wouldn't have to keep fixing it

if I had tenants that knew how to flush.

See, you got to treat a toilet

like the precision instrument that it is.

Excuse me. Hi.

If you're here about the toilet, don't bother, I fixed it this morning.

Oh, my goodness.

I just snaked the pipe and rechained the float.

- It's working fine. - Well, say�

are you any good with dishwashers?

The one next door

sounds like Louis Armstrong with a cold.

Let me start this load of wash. I'll be right there.

- See, now, I like that fellow. - You like him?

Yeah, he seems real nice�

and handy, too!

Those petit fours look gorgeous.

Thank you.

Except for this one.

It looks a little crooked.

That can't be!

Not to worry. I'll fix it.

Now, if you'd like

this one looks a little off kilter, too.

I couldn't possibly.

Do you know what the calorie count is for one of those?

Yes, and I don't care.

Oh!

I'm sorry about the quiches.

I'll get you another pan.

Not to worry.

I'm sure the next batch will turn out just fine.

Where should I dump this?

Put it in the recycling bins under the sink.

You recycle?

Of course.

And I was pleased when you started

the recycling program on campus.

I, too, have done my share to preserve the environment.

All of my checks are written on recycled paper.

Every little bit counts.

Well, with the amount of checks I write, it's no little bit.

Which is the focus of my article

on the obligation of the individual in a free society.

The one in The New Republic. I read that.

Your article got me thinking about how I could end world hunger.

I'm organizing this fast-a-thon.

- I thought maybe� - Excuse me.

You could be a sponsor or even a faster.

- I'll do both. - Yeah.

I, too, would love to join the ranks of the fasters.

You not what you said yesterday.

You caught me at a bad time. I was hungry.

I'll get that sign-up sheet.

Isn't she precious?

J'adore cette petite.

Quelle joie de vivre elle a.

Tu parles francais?

Mais oui, child.

Ooh, la la.

Well, Dean Hughes,

continental woman to continental woman.

I have more than just a passing interest

in representing Hillman in its recruitment for foreign students.

You do?

And I don't mean to blow my own French horn, so to speak

but I do think

with my background, good taste and sophistication,

I'd be ideal to represent Hillman

as its ambassador abroad.

Oh, do you?

And I have a feeling that you think so, too.

Whitley, this is not a pleasure trip

or an ego trip.

I'm looking for someone

who is well-rounded, dedicated, passionate�

Someone who's taken full advantage

of the Hillman experience.

And I just don't see that in you yet.

I see.

I guess I just have to make it to the Chagall museum

on my own dime.

Why don't I dedicate myself to freshening up a little bit?

Excuse me.

I cannot find that pledge sheet for my Fast-a-Thon.

Have you seen it?

I ate it.

Here it is.

Where are you going?

Not to Europe, that's for sure.

You're leaving?

Please. Don't act like you'll miss me.

Now you'll have plenty of room for your Kiss-Up-a-Thon.

Kiss-Up-a-Thon?

"Oh, Dean Hughes, I love your house."

"Oh, Dean Hughes, I love that article."

"Oh, Dean Hughes, I love your trash

"and all your trash bins."

Whitley, some of us care about the fate of this planet.

There's no audience here for your innocent bumbler act.

"Oh, I'm sorry I banged into you.

"I was on my way to save the planet

"from people like Whitley."

Oh, I know what's bothering you. You're jealous.

Because the Dean and I are starting to connect.

Oh, please. The only connection you've had with Dean Hughes was when you tripped

and goosed her with that fork.

Accidents happen.

Especially when you're around.

The Dean appreciates my commitment to the environment.

The Dean has been patronizing you

since you walked through that door.

Whitley�

where are you going?

The petits fours are frosted and the salmon is moussed.

There is very little for someone

with my shallow qualifications to contribute.

Whitley, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings

- but I had to be honest with you. - No.

You were absolutely right.

Three-and-a-half years at Hillman

and I haven't learned one thing.

- I didn't say that. - It's true.

I'm an art history major.

I can't tell the difference between a poster

and an original lithograph.

Oh, so is that what you want to do?

You want to work in the art field when you graduate?

No�

I don't know.

But the point is, when I first came to Hillman,

I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

Marriage the day after graduation.

And my art history degree was going to help me,

so I could choose just the right picture to put over my sofa.

Now, that doesn't seem to be the answer anymore.

Well, at least you know what you don't want to do. That's a start.

No.

I had a goal before, Dean Hughes.

Now I'm going to end up an old spinster

with a deaf poodle and a chain of charm schools.

I don't think so.

You know, I'm not like Freddie.

I don't weep over the ozone layer.

I don't spend my nights plotting rescue missions for baby seals.

Well, neither do I, and neither do most people.

And don't compare yourself with Freddie. She's a mess, too.

She's even more of a mess now.

- I was a little mean to her. - Why?

She gets on my nerves.

Always so gung-ho�

so free.

I mean, she's not afraid

to make a complete fool of herself.

Let me ask you a question.

Have you ever grabbed a backpack

and driven across country?

Whatever for?

Gone skinny-dipping at midnight?

Dean Hughes!

Walking barefoot in the rain.

Have you ever worn blue jeans to class?

I did think of doing that once.

Girl, are you 20 or 80?

Loosen up.

Have some fun.

I'm sure you'll discover a world of things you'd like to do.

Well, there is one thing that I'd like to do.

What?

Eat one of those petit fours.

Girl, there's hope for you.

Dean Hughes, I'm sorry and I'm leaving.

oh, lord, have mercy.

I don't belong here.

I burned your quiche.

I littered your campus.

So, if you'll just sign my pledge sheet, I'm gone.

No.

I thought bringing you two together

would help you discover your strengths.

Instead, I'm the MC at a pity party.

You're right.

I have too much self-pity.

And I have a big mouth.

Have a seat.

And have a petit four.

I can cook.

Walter, we should have whooped those dudes.

We had the height. We had the speed.

Yeah, but we had you.

Whoa, look at this place, man.

Roaches must have got tired of the filth and called the health department.

Stop bouncing that ball. Earl just vacuumed.

- Earl? - Our houseguest from heaven.

Earl Rabney?

You know him?

Don't tell me you fell for the galloping gourmet?

What do you mean, "fell for"?

He's the mooch master general of Hillman College.

Since he flunked out, he's put the bite on two dorms

and three frat houses.

- Ron! - No. Must be a different Earl Rabney.

The one I know is in my psych class.

No, he's not in the class. He sits in the room.

That's how he finds victims.

That's us, Ron!

We are not victims.

Wait till you see your next long-distance phone bill.

It will read like the roll call at United Nations.

But by that time he'll be fricasseeing some other fools.

Your mother's picture is all over the yearbook

and she wasn't even a senior.

Mom always was a bit of a camera hog.

People looked weird in the 1950's.

I know, look at me.

Oh, mmm-mmm-mmm.

You look wonderful!

What happened to your-

Honey, do you know how many cans of hair spray

it took to hold up that beehive?

Don't you tell anybody

but my do caused that hole in the ozone layer.

Look what I found.

A petit four!

Give it to me! It's my house!

It's my house!

Okay.

We'll divide by three.

I'll carve.

Ooh! That song takes me back.

1964� Eddie Garvin.

My girlfriends hated him, but they never kissed him.

Did you?

? �my guy ?

My, my!

? Nothing you can do 'Cause I'm stuck like glue ?

? To my guy ?

? My guy ?

? I'm sticking to my guy Like a stamp to a letter ?

? Like the birds of a feather ?

? We'll stick together ?

? I'm telling you from the start ?

? I can't be torn apart from my guy ?

Come on, Whitley.

We'll help you. We'll background.

? Nothing you can do Can make me untrue to my guy ?

? My guy ?

? My guy ?

? Nothing you can do� ?

? Make me tell a lie to my guy ?

? �might be a movie star� ?

? �to be thankful ?

? We are� ?

Look who we have here.

Thought you'd sneak in while we were out and get your stuff?

I wasn't sneaking anywhere.

You got that right.

Run down, check the mail for the phone bill.

It's Sunday.

- Then we'll wait. - Yeah.

There's also the not-so-smart issue

about the money you owe us for food.

Guys, I'm just moving down to my new apartment.

Who's your new sucker de jour?

Come on, Earl.

We don't have all day.

Oh, my goodness!

You got a problem?

Talk to your building's new live-in superintendent.

Him?

He really knows his way around a toilet.

Now, don't just stand there. Help the boy move.

Earl, I bet you could teach these fellows

- a thing or two about manners. - Yes, sir.

From now on, no more houseguests.

Yeah, even the roaches go home at night.

Hi, Freddie.

Hi. Have you had breakfast yet?

No. I'll be down in a minute.

Great.

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