Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me Come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready, yeah ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it We can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? Yeah, than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Hark, the herald angels sing ?

? Glory to the newborn king ?

? Peace on earth and mercy mild ?

? God and sinners reconciled ?

? Joyful all ye nations rise ?

? Join the triumph of the skies ?

? With angelic calls proclaim ?

? Christ is born in Bethlehem ?

Sorry.

? Hark, the herald angels sing- ?

Not in my room, they don't.

Every shop in the mall

was blasting the salsa version of "Oh, Holy Noche."

Is it a zoo?

No. In the zoo, they cage their animals.

First, some rat-faced housewife

elbowed me out of place in the gift-wrap line.

Then her homely little butterball

stuck his candy cane to my sable coat.

I hate candy canes.

And I hate eggnog. I hate fruitcake.

If I see� thank you�

one more blinky-eyed Santa,

I'm going to punch his lights out.

Merry Christmas to you.

Thanks.

Hey, you guys.

There's a reason that I haven't given you your Christmas presents yet.

It's because I got each of you a humpback whale.

Gee, Fred, the gift wrap alone must have cost you a fortune.

No, really.

I adopted whales in each of your names.

So you're each going to be receiving an adoption certificate

and a little picture of your whale's tail.

Freddie�

there are no words.

I'll see you guys at the tree-trimming party.

You'll see me on the steps telling y'all to shut up.

You're not coming?

It's your last chance to see everybody before you go.

- Dwayne said he'd be there. - Mmm.

Well, deck the halls.

Hello?

Hi, Mama.

No, I didn't get a chance to buy

a presentable bathing suit because�

I know my metallic one-piece makes me look like a canned ham.

It doesn't matter because I'm not going to the south of France.

You wouldn't even know it was Christmas there

if the bellhops didn't wear Santa hats.

Mama�

Mama, can we please spend Christmas at home in Richmond?

Fine. I'm still going home.

Okay, yeah.

You have a wonderful trip, Mama.

Joyeux noel.

Whitley, I have a great idea.

My parents are away at a soil conference

so we won't celebrate Christmas until Saint Patrick's day.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

The point is I have no plans and you have no plans.

So let's just hang out together at your place.

We could roast turkey loaf, drink hot cider, play Old Maid-

Pictionary.

What do you think?

Sounds good to me.

Then you take her for Christmas.

I did my charity

when I wrote a check to that distempered sidewalk Santa.

I got to go.

- Hey, listen- - Hey, it's okay.

I'd rather be here by myself.

What an awful thing to say.

That stumbling tumbleweed wouldn't fit in in Richmond

and you know it.

You are getting more like your mother.

There's nothing wrong with my mama

and I'm nothing like her.

Whitley, take another look.

- I'm going to see if Freddie's okay. - You do that.

And take this stinky little tree.

It makes the room smell like a disinfected toilet.

I hate Christmas.

I'm sick of all of it.

Got to get that mirror cleaned.

Darling, give Mama a hug.

No, better yet, just give me a kiss.

You know how silk wrinkles.

What in heaven's name?

I know what this is.

It's that souvlaki on a stick I had at the mall.

Whitley, tell me that nightgown is not flannel.

What if there's a fire?

You certainly sound like mama, but this has to be a dream.

She would never travel in an outfit like that.

Don't you just adore this dress?

And look at this brooch.

It's a diamond weasel with ruby eyes.

This cannot be real.

It most certainly is real!

If you don't believe me

ask your father when he gets the bill.

Okay, Mama.

If this isn't a dream

why are you so over-accessorized?

To make a point.

Whitley, I've come to tell you something very, very important.

I know!

You're going to spend Christmas with me!

Darling, you know I plan to rendezvous

with the Pumphreys at Cap D'Antibes.

But the truth is, Whitley,

I have come to warn you.

About over-accessorizing?

Heavens, no.

Not about over-accessorizing.

Tonight, you will be visited by three, shall we say, free spirits.

Not exactly our type of people.

Mama, please. I'm in no mood to entertain.

Whitley,

without these visitors, you cannot hope

to avoid the path that I have tread in my life.

- But, Mama- - Whitley Marion Gilbert!

Do you want to wake up one day

with only a full-length sable to keep you warm

and a bitter little senile dog as your main companion?

No, not especially.

That is not to say

that you are not going to age flawlessly as I have.

But, Whitley, you are going to age

and you will age alone.

Mama�

expect your first visitor when the bell tolls 11:00.

Eastern Standard Time, of course.

And, darling, please put on your little pink silk nightie.

Because you look as though you're dressed

to fry up a batch of hush puppies.

Mama! Mama!

The ghost of Christmas past!

Rise and shine.

We got a long trip ahead of us.

You own a robe?

Can we postpone this till after new year's?

Oh, no.

When the bell tolls 12:00, I'm on vacation.

Two weeks of fishing for largemouth bass

and maybe some water-skiing.

Where are we going, the diamond mines?

Oh, no. In your dreams,

it's my job to shine a light on your past. Now shake a leg.

I don't get paid overtime.

Now come on.

No, out the window?

I'm afraid to fly

especially without a plane.

My goodness.

Why do I always have to be the first ghost?

Oh! It's so cold out here!

Well, I told you to put on a robe.

Boy!

Let go of my neck.

I'm too old for a piggyback ride.

This is my house.

Watch out for the piano.

I'm going to inherit this.

Look, there's my daddy.

And that little girl, that's me.

Aren't I adorable?

Oh-oh!

Hey, you got a cowlick, honey.

- Yoo-hoo! - Don't waste your breath.

She can't see you or hear you.

Nobody can.

Whitley?

Oh, Whitley?

Whitley?

Oh, there you are.

Mama, you look beautiful.

Darling, of course I do.

And so do you

except for your hair.

Do something about that cowlick.

- That's better. - That's better.

Now give Mama a kiss.

Can I open this one?

Darling, you must say, "May I."

But not before we take pictures with Daddy.

Say, "Cheese."

Fromage.

Now can�

May I open the present?

Darling, this one is for the baby.

Here you are, Titi.

Merry Christmas, sweetheart.

And this is for you, Whitley.

There you are, darling.

This was my happiest Christmas ever.

I loved those gold watches.

I don't believe in giving children expensive presents.

They're happy with an old spoon and a pot.

Whitley, let's get dressed for the Pumphreys.

Shall we wear our new brocade?

That will be fabulous with my new diamond earrings.

I can't stand the Pumphreys.

That man could put coffee to sleep.

Now, his wife is a hoot.

Don't tell me we're going to the Pumphreys like this?

No.

You have another appointment.

This is just the start of your evening.

Titi, down! Down!

Titi, down!

You're gonna throw something, throw money,

or cranberry sauce for this turkey leg.

Kim?

You sound a little congested.

Would you like a throat lozenge?

My, my.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am the ghost of Christmas present.

I represent all the finest mankind has to offer-

joy, goodwill, turkey.

If you got some lesson to teach me

can we get this show on the road?

I got to wake up at crack of dawn.

Excuse me.

Put on your bedroom dancing slippers.

We got a party to crash.

Excuse me. I'm a little rusty.

- Colonel Taylor? - Yeah.

I want you at my table for Christmas dinner.

Not right for a man to be alone on the holidays.

No, thank you, Vernon.

You're trying to set me up with one of Velma's cousins.

Annabelle is not one of Velma's cousins.

Uh-huh.

- Aren't you sorry you didn't come? - Not especially.

Where's Whitley?

I'm glad somebody misses me.

Upstairs sleeping in heavenly peace.

Don't lie. She's up there

trying to stuff herself into my Christmas stocking.

Brother�

you'll be lucky if you get coal and odor eaters.

You're not going home for Christmas?

No, my family's celebrating on St. Patrick's day.

Listen, Freddie, I'm not leaving till Christmas eve.

When the dorm clears, come stay at my place.

- I'll sleep on the couch. - I hope so.

- That would be great. - Yeah.

Most great romances start off as friendships.

Mm-hmm.

Mistletoe alert.

Traitor!

He who hesitates�

No, no, no.

Ms. Vinson, please fill the air with your velvet voice.

Sure. Any requests?

Why don't we do The Twelve Days of Christmas

- Hillman style. - Hillman style.

What is that, Hillman style?

? On the first day of Christmas ?

? My true love gave to me ?

? An MC Hammer CD ?

That's hot.

? On the second day of Christmas ?

? My true love gave to me ?

? Two butts a-bumping ?

? To my MC Hammer CD ?

Oh yeah!

? On the third day of Christmas ?

? My true love gave to me ?

? Three French� ?

? Kisses ?

? Two butts bumping ?

? To my MC Hammer CD ?

? On the fourth day of Christmas ?

? My true love gave to me ?

? Four flunking freshmen ?

? Three French� ?

? Kisses ?

? Two butts a-bumping ?

? To my MC Hammer CD ?

? On the fifth day of Christmas ?

? My true love gave to me ?

? Five onion rings ?

? Four flunking freshmen ?

? Three French kisses ?

? Two butts a-bumping ?

? To my MC Hammer CD ?

I have one.

? On the sixth day of Christmas ?

? My true love gave to me� ?

Now we're gonna light the Christmas tree.

We're going to light the Christmas tree.

Sorry, we've got to go down the road.

Where are we going that's so important?

Christmas Day.

Can't you just use the door knob?

I hope somebody invited her to dinner.

Afraid not.

At 6:00, she'll fire up the broiler and throw on some turkey dogs.

Well, she had one gift under her� twig.

Imagine how her Christmas could have been

if you had taken her home.

One little Christmas won't get Freddie down.

She'll just write a poem.

Experiencing the Pain: The 'No' in Noel.

Not this time.

Unless somebody intervenes,

this Christmas will change Freddie's destiny forever.

But don't think of this as pressure.

Are you the ghost of Christmas yet to come?

Go ahead, boy.

It's Dwayne, all grown up.

He looks so handsome and debonair.

And look, there's Ron.

He looks so much like Ron.

Yes, yes, they love their Uncle Ron, don't you?

And I wouldn't forget you, little Whitley.

Here. You have expensive tastes.

Did you hear that?

He called her Whitley.

Ron, when will you settle down and have kids of your own?

As soon as my genius engineer friend learns to clone his missus.

It's me, isn't it?

I'm Dwayne's missus.

Girl, would you get your eyes checked?

Look at these children.

Oh, no.

How could Dwayne marry her?

You only have yourself to blame.

Dwayne only thought of Freddie as a friend,

at least until she spent a few days with him

over Christmas break in 1989.

And the rest is future.

As president of Hillman,

I would like to welcome you to our faculty.

Thank you.

As a Kinishewa stockholder, I'm sweating bullets.

Bullets? Did somebody say "bullets"?

I told Dwayne how happy we are

that he's taking over the math department.

Wayne, you were our first choice.

I'm not Wayne.

- What's that you say? - I'm not Wayne.

Colonel Taylor, sir, I'm over here.

Whose department is he taking over?

- Yours. - What's that?

- Yours. - Yours. That's what I said.

You don't have to shout. I ain't blind.

You're the surgeon.

I think that you should carve the turkey.

I'll take a stab at it.

But I can't promise you that the patient will survive.

I have been spending all of my time promoting my book,

When Bad Organs Are Removed From Good People.

Oh, my goodness!

I said that's a turkey, girl, not a hedge.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To absent friends.

Hear, hear.

It's a shame Whitley Gilbert- Patterson-Soarsons-Sims-Dubois

couldn't be here.

Nobody's seen Whitley since Chauncey left her for that stewardess.

She's a lot younger than Whitley?

Worse. A lot older.

I wish I were dead.

I wouldn't if I were you.

I've seen your funeral.

Mm-mm. Not pretty.

Who attended?

Your poodles.

Didn't any two-legged animals attend?

Doctor Reese and Jaleesa Vinson,

the very lovely, sexy, multi-talented

director of Vinson Cable Corporation,

and Dwayne Wayne.

Dwayne attended?

Shed some tears, too.

He cried?

I think he's allergic to the poodles.

Everybody! Save room for dessert.

I didn't make it.

Is this really how the future's gonna be?

Actually, it's worse.

I glossed over your nightmare years down on the fat farm.

The fat farm!

Girl, you blew up to a size 16.

You were a lonely, soap opera-watching

- bonbon-popping- - Stop, please.

Can I finish, please?

I was about to say you were going to be doomed

unless you get a grip and make a serious change.

Change, change, change�

? Fried onion rings ?

? Four flunking freshmen, Three French kisses ?

? Two butts a-bumping ?

? To my MC Hammer CD ?

I didn't do this to the room.

Kim, it's my little surprise.

I think it's wonderful.

I just want to tell you that one day, Dr. Reese,

you're going to make your roomie very proud of you.

You have the merriest Christmas ever.

You, too.

Ah!

The fresh smell of pine.

I had one too many bourbon balls.

Mama?

- What are you doing here? - Oh, darling.

I have something to tell you.

I have something to tell you, too.

- I've decided not to go to France. - I'm going to France.

But darling, I've decided

we should spend Christmas together in Richmond.

After all, who's more important, the Pumphreys or my little baby?

- You mean me? - Who else, darling?

Mama, I've already packed for France.

And I even invited a friend to come along.

A friend?

That's wonderful, darling.

The more the merrier.

God!

Please tell me that is not the one.

- Freddie's a very interesting girl. - Huh-huh.

Mrs. Gilbert, hey, how's it going?

Hope it's okay if I tag along.

Sure, Freda. It's all right.

- Freddie. - Freddie.

I can't believe I'm spending Christmas on the Riviera.

Neither can I.

Before we leave, should I pack this

or just swim in cutoffs and a tank top?

I have just had the most marvelous idea.

Instead of spending Christmas

in that stuffy old suite at the Chateau D'Antibes,

why don't we rent a secluded beach house in Maine?

- Nice. - Just picture it.

Towering pines, freshly fallen snow

a roaring fire and not another living soul for 500 miles.

That sounds beautiful. Thank you.

We're gonna have a wonderful time, Freddie.

Besides, I wouldn't dream of leaving you here alone for Christmas

in Dwayne's grungy little apartment.

Ladies, ladies.

I promise both of you

the happiest Christmas you have ever known.

God bless us, everyone.

Oh, darling.

? Joy to the world, the Lord is come ?

? Let earth receive her king ?

? Let her, let her, yeah ?

? Let every� ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0