Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready, yeah ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it, we can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

Take this. Come on.

- Be reasonable, man. - Be reasonable with some of this�

I hope you like living with one lip.

Hey, hey, hey.

What are you two-

- Fighting never solves anything. - I want my money back!

Ron. Ron.

Yo, let me go.

- I'm not finished. He's still breathing. - Chill, Mighty Mouse.

What did he do?

Look what this fool did to my hair.

And look at the back.

Well, you said you wanted something different, Ron.

Yo, man, they should call you Jack the Clipper.

- Left side looks fresh, buddy. - Yeah, fresh.

What's your problem?

I never seen nobody with a landing strip on top of their head.

I'm sorry, that's childish.

- Ron, look out! - What? What? Where's he at?

I thought I heard a 747.

Very funny.

Hey, man, what's the problem?

You wear hats all the time.

So what if they're loose for a couple of weeks?

Man, I have ROTC.

It's against Army regulations to wear a hat.

Besides, some of the finest women on this campus are in that class.

Just tell them when you were walking to class,

a sniper shot off some of your hair.

Well, I hope you got insurance.

Mr. Gaines, it's just a little fender bender.

Fender bender?

The fender's the only part of my car that wasn't bent.

The only thing worse than women drivers is young women drivers.

This is all your fault for asking me to give you a ride.

You were the one putting on lip gloss at 45 miles an hour.

This is not the point.

This whole situation could've been avoided

if you hadn't screamed when we entered that parking lot.

- We were headed for a Mack Truck. - It was parked illegally.

Mr. Gaines, may I have a moment of your time, please?

No.

The only person I want to talk to is your insurance agent.

Oh, now, is that really necessary?

I mean, aside from all the red tape, you're gonna have to disturb my daddy,

and he's a judge and under a lot of pressure not unlike yourself.

You afraid he's going to take your car away? What's his telephone number?

Please. Let's not be hasty.

I have more than ample resources.

Now, just how much is that damage going to cost?

Well, you're going to need a new bumper and moldings. That's $550.

Tail lights, $132.

Bulbs for the tail lights, $3.50 each.

And paint, two coats of the good kind.

That's for a total of $947.

Isn't that just a little steep?

Now don't make me yell whiplash.

All right!

- What was that figure again? - $947.

And I can't wait to retire. Everybody in Florida's over 65.

And they drive nice and slow.

$947?

I wish I could afford a car so you could hit it.

Plus, my trunk won't close.

$59.

And you broke the neck on my bobbing dog. That's what you did.

I am sick and tired of incompetence.

Mr. Gaines just took my check to the bank and they bounced it.

You didn't have enough money to cover it in your savings or your back-up savings?

What difference does that make?

My family has been banking with them for years.

And they have the nerve to call themselves "every customer's fiscal friend."

I think their friendship is based on your having fiscal funds.

I have funds.

I'm just experiencing a little cash flow problem.

You know, they're looking for someone in The Pit to fill in for Lorraine Craig.

She's out with the flu. I can put in a good word for you.

I beg your pardon?

Wouldn't it be great?

You and me, side by side, scrubbing a big stack of pots and pans?

Thank you, but I'll get the money without panhandling.

I've already paid the man $650 in cash.

Now I just have to come up with the rest of it by noon tomorrow.

Hey, dorm meeting at 8:00. Tonight's topic is bathroom abuse, okay?

Panty hose, scattered makeup, and who keeps leaving the toilet seats up.

Jaleesa, stop.

Close your eyes and don't move.

What are you doing, Whitley?

Open.

What do you say?

How many skunks gave their lives for this?

Jaleesa, that's a fox fur.

Now, won't Walter find you irresistible in it?

Actually, I think he'd prefer me in a grass skirt and a coconut bra.

I know.

You don't think you can afford this extravagance, but you're wrong.

Because for a limited time only,

you can take advantage of my lease-to-own plan.

Does this have anything to do with her going upside Mr. Gaines' car?

- Not in the least. - Mm-hmm.

No, I'm just trying to share the glory of my furs with my minkless sisters.

Girl, you must have totaled it.

Do you want the damn thing or not?

Well, Whitley, I think I will just have to remain one of your minkless sisters.

Okay, fine. I'll ask someone with taste.

And you'll look dreadful in a coconut bra.

I've been told.

Yes, I'll hold.

Daddy�

�sorry to get you out of that murder trial.

Yeah. Well, since you're on the line, how's Monica?

No, Daddy, I don't want any money.

Actually, it's my roommate.

Yeah, she had an accident and the poor thing has no car insurance.

So, I told Kim that I would lend her the money. Okay.

Right, Daddy. Uh-huh.

Okay.

Bye-bye. Thanks for calling.

You're lending me money? How much?

I was talking about someone else. You're not the only Kim in the world.

So you weren't calling your dad for the money?

Would you mind your own business?

Why are all your purses out on your bed?

Because real leather has to breath.

There's ten cents in these real crocodile loafers.

Where?

Listen, Mr. Gaines is still looking for someone to fill in for Lorraine Craig.

It pays five dollars an hour.

Well, you tell that chrome dome penny-pincher

I wouldn't work for him if- Five dollars?

Plus all you can eat.

Who would have thought

that these finely manicured hands

would be submerged in the murky depths of a kitchen sink.

- Shall I order you a hairnet? - Oh, please.

Ron-o, I've been thinking about your hair problem and I have the solution.

What's that?

Pretend you did it on purpose.

You give that freaky-deaky do a name,

within a week, there'll be ten brothers doing the same thing.

They'll be sporting a Ron Johnson black-and-decker buzz.

How about I black and deck you?

Man, I'm your boy. I'm just trying to look out for you.

Well, I don't need any help. I have come to terms with my loss.

Oh.

Is that why you're here in your PJ's, instead of your ROTC Army fatigues?

I'm not going to class. I have a cold.

It's my patriotic duty not to infect my fellow cadets.

I think you're more worried about your fellow "cadettinas"

seeing your "sorry, wrong turn" mohawk.

I said I have a cold.

Brother Johnson, I am very disappointed in you.

Who'd have thought that your whole self-image

would be rooted in your scalp?

So what if one person,

or maybe two people,

or maybe the whole campus laughs in your face?

You got to be bigger than them, tiger.

That's easy for you to say.

You don't have to walk around looking like a bozo head.

Okay, we'll go to plan B.

Plan B.

Plan B better be a good plan, too, 'cause that first thing�

Ron, I saw a brother on the bus today with one of these on.

And he was styling.

It's the new look, man.

Ron, it's a joke. You know I love you.

You're not mad at me? Ron.

Come back, fluffy.

Finito.

They're a little small.

People eat too much red meat. I'm trying to save lives.

If people wanted to eat healthy, they'd go someplace else.

Now let's go over burger assembly line one more time.

May I make a suggestion?

Why don't we move the buns from there to here

and the pickles from there to here?

That way everything will be in order. Doesn't that make a tad bit more sense?

It sure would.

Well, why don't we do it that way?

Because we work for Mr. Gaines.

And his motto is, "Do it my way, or hit the highway."

Oh, my goodness.

First my car, now my meat.

Look at these sickly things.

Are you planning to serve them on toothpicks?

It was just a little experiment.

Does this look like a laboratory to you?

Next, they'll be making pizza you swallow like aspirin.

Maybe I should make the burgers and you go take the orders.

Out there?

Everyone will see me.

It's either that or the murky depths of the kitchen sink.

All right, I will brave the humiliation.

There. Two orders of chicken noodle soup, one herbal tea

and three chef salads with red onion garni.

Would you like a breath mint to go with that onion?

I asked for two chocolate shakes,

chili fries and three bacon cheeseburgers.

All that fried food is why you're so cranky.

Hey.

- I bit into the burger and it mooed at me. - I heard it.

- Whitley, what are you doing here? - I work here.

Why?

What's the problem?

My burger here is a little underdone.

It was done when it left the grill.

I'll get you another burger.

Wait a minute, what about my order?

Eat that salad. You need the roughage.

I have a huge take-out order.

Six burgers, four with bacon, and two with cheese and nine fries.

What are you doing?

I cleaned the shelves like you told me to.

I took everything off, put everything back as it ought to be.

Oh, my goodness.

Hey!

Don't do that. My system will save time.

Even an old grump like Mr. Gaines will see that.

Start explaining.

I did it. I was just looking for something.

Like a new job?

Who told you to mess with my shelves? I know it wasn't me.

Mr. Gaines, I cleaned the shelves.

And as you can see, they're so immaculate, you could eat off of them.

I thought a forward, progressive-thinking man like yourself-

You messed with my shelves.

I prefer to say I brought order to chaos.

Mm-hmm! And I bet you're just full of bright ideas.

As a matter of fact, I have had one little inspiration.

Mm-hmm?

Have you ever heard of vegetarian burgers?

I call them "the un-burger."

Oh, no. Vegetarian?

I saw one of them lettuce-eaters on TV once.

Had five hairs in his beard and played the tambourine.

Oh, no, I don't trust anybody that don't eat meat.

Well, they are a rather scraggly lot.

But I'm talking about soy meat.

It costs half the price of beef

and you can charge the same price.

Mm-hmm.

What does "mm-hmm" mean?

It means call your dad for the money.

Tomorrow, when you order that soy meat,

I want you to make a sign,

so that all the people will know the un-burger is here.

Unbelievable!

Keep your eyes on that grill. That's not cheap soy meat you're burning.

At Army basic camp, you will find that�

Cadet Johnson!

Yes, sir, sir.

Stop skulking around and invade a seat.

As I was saying,

at basic camp, you will learn how to navigate in the field,

using only a compass and your field maps.

You'll also find yourselves-

- Cadet Johnson. - Yes, sir.

- Are you expecting rain? - No, sir.

Then kindly remove your headgear.

Sir, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Army regulations say that you can.

Perhaps that hat will come off

while doing a few hundred pushups?

Oh, this is going to be good.

- Colonel, sir. - Mm-hmm?

I was attempting to rescue a cat from a tree.

I fell, thus hitting my head on the pavement, sir.

Did you save the cat?

I'm not sure.

See, they had to rush me to emergency where I had a blood transfusion.

And they gave me stitches and this bandage.

- When exactly did this occur? - Yesterday, sir.

Mm-hmm. You had a blood transfusion yesterday, and you're in class today?

I'm a quick healer, sir.

Cadet Johnson, remove the bandage.

If there's a bandage under the bandage, remove that, too.

Silence!

This man has obviously had a traumatic experience.

Just for that, you have added 30 minutes to your field maneuvers.

I want all of you out on the field running laps

until I tell you to stop. Move it, move it, move it!

Move it! Oh, no, no, not you. Not you. Not you.

Ooh-wee!

Cadet Johnson, until your hair grows back,

I will accept your cat story.

Oh, bless you, colonel Taylor.

Ah-ah-ah, attention! About face!

Hup, hup, hup! Move it, move it.

Who would have known that the un-burger would surpass the tuna melt in popularity?

I'm happy for you.

You know, Mr. Gaines is not the ogre you made him out to be.

He just likes competence, spunk.

Whitley, I'm studying.

Oh, I need a pedicure.

You have no cash, but you need a pedicure.

My dogs are howling.

They wouldn't how if you didn't wear six-inch stilettos.

Just because I'm in a service-oriented industry,

doesn't mean I have to waddle around in waffle wedgies.

Besides, these bunions are my badge of honor.

What?

These last few days have been a revelation.

The syncopated sizzle of the burgers on the grill.

The gentle hum of the shake machine.

The whoosh, the crackle of the deep fat fryer.

Work is so ennobling.

Especially when you've only done it for two days.

Two wonderful, fulfilling days that have enlightened me so.

You know, I've learned something that you've known all your life.

What's that?

Polyester is a very functional fabric.

You know, partner,

the last few days have changed my life.

It doesn't matter how ridiculous you look

as long as you know on the inside you're beautiful.

That's great.

I never knew how sympathetic women could be towards the wounded.

Noelle calls me "five o'clock shadow head."

Lola calls me her "little stubble top."

And blondie, she just keep calling.

Have you seen my glasses, man?

The last time I saw them, they were on the tip of your nose.

I already looked there. Will you help me find them?

Oh, no, no, no, Grovetta Robinson awaits.

She calls me "fuzzy wuzzy" 'cause I'm her bear.

I had them when I came out of the shower.

Why don't you wear your other pair?

You mean these?

Yeah. I especially like the masking tape in the middle

and the paper clip in the hinge.

They make me look like the poster boy for a science fair.

Dwayne, just because one person� no, two people�

Just because the entire campus will laugh in your face?

You should be bigger than them. I'm very disappointed in you.

What are you babbling about?

Does your entire self-image

hinge on your beloved flip-downs?

I'm not as vain as you. I just want my glasses.

I believe you found them.

In the meantime�

? She called me fuzzy, uh ?

? She called me wuzzy, uh ?

? And I'm her little bear ?

What is that?

I told Mr. Gaines we needed a suggestion box

and he said that was my best suggestion yet.

Actually he said, "Uh-huh," but I know what he meant.

"Sugestiones"?

Yes, it gives the room a continental flair.

And I know just where to put it.

I'm sure you do.

Oh, did I tell you? Mr. Gaines has asked me to stay on

even after my debt's been paid.

He did?

Imagine me with a real job.

He said that I have had more contributions

than anyone else on the staff.

- And I owe it all to you. - No, you don't.

That's right. They were my ideas.

And the latest sure-fire winner is�

napkin boats!

What's a napkin boat?

Voila!

Sail your way into a lovely weekend.

Isn't it wonderful?

Yes, Whitley, it's wonderful.

Just like your soy burgers

and your bunch-o-lunch express line

and your continental sugestione box.

They should hang your picture on wall, employee of month.

I'm getting the feeling that you're not happy I'm working here.

Are you mad at me?

Oh, I'm mad�

I'm mad at me.

I wanted to help you out with your cash flow problem.

So, I brought you in here under my wing.

Next thing I know, you're flying the plane.

- So you're not mad at me? - I didn't say that.

I am mad at you,

even madder at me for being mad at you.

I'm totally confused.

I had the same ideas you had.

When I made my first burger,

I knew that the pickles shouldn't be in line ahead of the buns.

But did I change it? No.

You should have.

I did.

I'm not like you.

When I punch out, I'm not getting a pedicure.

Exactly.

I don't even know how you do it all.

Swim team, choir practice, you're one of the top students,

and you're Mr. Gaines' best employee.

Next to me.

You're right.

I am.

Mr. Gaines is not going to fire you for making one peque�o sugestione.

- No, he won't. - That's the spirit.

And I'm gonna show him how smart I am.

Onward and upward!

And, tomorrow, I'm gonna tell him about my new idea,

chili of the month.

Chicken chili, liver chili,

pork chili, buffalo chili!

Oh, Kim, please. Keep that suggestion to yourself.

No, no, really, my dad brought a buffalo home�

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