Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready, yeah ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it, we can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Pledges!

Brothers.

Good afternoon, big brothers of Kappa Lambda Nu Fraternity Incorporated�

- of the live� - Live�

- Live� - Live�

Xi Beta Chapter, Hillman College, sirs!

Listen up, roaches.

I want this area clean. I wanna be able to eat off the ground.

If I can't, you will.

I can't bear to watch Dwayne Wayne waddle.

He's been waddling for five weeks.

You should be used to it by now.

We're gonna have to go through the same thing next year

when we pledge a sorority.

I won't.

I'm not humiliating or debasing myself for Gamma Lamma anything.

You didn't find it humiliating or debasing to go to all their parties.

Okay, pledges, front and center.

Let me hear the story.

We are the pledges of Kappa Lambda Nu.

Established to serve in 1922.

Whatever we're told is what we do.

We're no better than the stuff scraped off a shoe.

Dead Battery.

Yes, Big Brother Chip St. Charles?

Why is your name Dead Battery?

Because I have no juice on this campus, sir.

No juice.

History question, Dead Battery.

How many cans did Kappa Lambda Nu collect in last year's food drive?

Uh, 1,352 cans, Big Brother Sam Lee, sir.

Wrong, Dead Battery.

Dead wrong.

Parasite!

1,362 cans, sir.

Correct, Parasite. As usual.

But, as usual, Parasite has failed to consider

whether having a right answer is more important

than making his pledge brother, Dead Battery, look even more stupid.

That was not my intent. We are equally stupid, sir.

You are two miserable excuses for pledges.

Oh, Whitley, hi.

Hello, Samuel.

You look very nice today.

It's clever how your jacket and skirt match.

- It's a suit. - Right.

Get a load of Big Brother "Sorry Rap!"

Do you two pitiful pledges find something funny here?

No, sir!

Well, since you seem to be so happy,

for the next eight hours, I wanna see nothing from you inchworms but smiles.

You like that idea, Brownnose?

I love it!

Sir.

Don't worry, be happy.

Inside!

Couldn't you two just pledge the circus?

Smile when you say that.

You losers could use a little smartening up.

Uh, go over there and think.

Hup!

So, Dwayne, what are you thinking?

I'm thinking why are we doing this whole pledge thing?

Because of the two Bs�

Brotherhood and business connections.

Yeah, which lead to big bucks.

Don't forget the three Ds�

- Delightful Delta Ducks. - Ah.

Delta Ducks. Lots of Delta Ducks.

You guys are giving me the two Hs�

Horrendous headache.

And once you're initiated, you won't be Little Brother Dead Battery.

You'll be Big Brother Eveready.

Oh, I like that. Keep talking.

Okay, the bus from the youth center will be here around 12:30.

So we have to have the food no later than 12:00, okay?

We do not wanna be in a room full of hungry children with no food.

And the magician will be here at here 1:00, right?

- Yeah. - Actually, not 1:00 exactly.

Well, exactly when will he be here?

Well, I just talked to The Amazing Albert's wife

and it seems our magician has disappeared.

Did our deposit disappear with him?

I think so.

He ran off with his assistant, Delectable Dolores.

So now what are we supposed to do with these kids?

Well, his wife said that she'd come and do her act.

Great. What does she do?

She's a stripper.

But she juggles while she strips.

Remember, when you clean Whitley's room, make sure to dust her perfume bottles.

And make a mental list of her favorite fragrances.

Yes, sir!

And this time,

don't rearrange her underwear drawer.

Yes, Big Brother Sam, sir.

You're not smiling.

That's because you said we couldn't rearrange her underwear drawer, sir.

Out of my sight, fleabags.

- Quack! - Quack!

- Quack! - Quack!

Uh, Sam, look, I've gotta talk to you about tomorrow�

Don't worry, my pledges will be here early with beverages and decorations.

Great. That's great, but by any chance, do any of them juggle?

With their clothes on.

I'll check.

Okay, they're squeaky clean. Come on, let's go now, man.

Do you call that clean?

You didn't even dust the perfume bottles.

Dusted.

I don't think you're taking this very seriously.

Man, this is the princess of perfection's room.

The only dust came in on your mop. Now let's go out, hit the books,

so we can do a little Delta Duck hunting tonight.

I think we should pass on the Delta Duck hunting.

Big Brother Sam gave us a job to do. We've gotta see it through.

You know, I know why you like this so much.

It gives you yet another reason not to study, Ron.

That is a falsehood and untrue. Pledging has made me work very hard.

To be a Lambda Nu, you need a C-plus average.

If I get that A in volleyball, I am in.

Then why aren't you as wiped out as I am?

Because of this, instant coffee.

You drink coffee, that's your big secret?

No, I don't drink it, I eat it.

It goes right to the bloodstream that way. Here, try.

Oh, God!

- That's nasty! Get away from me with that. - No, it isn't.

You're sick.

Oh, no, not again.

Get out. Out!

Let us clean, otherwise we're gonna get in trouble with the big brother who sent us.

- Please? Let us clean? - Okay, you may stay.

But you will tell me which big brother has put you up to all of these shenanigans.

Oh, no, no can do.

We pledgees would be breaking a sacred trust.

- Whitley, it's Big Brother Sam Lee. - Oh, man!

- Sam? - This mister is on you, sister.

I wondered why every time he sees me, he sweats like a swine.

Remember that night we serenaded you outside your window?

The night I didn't get a wink of sleep?

Your insomnia was a gift from Big Brother Sam Lee.

- Dwayne� - What, Ron?

- This is our ticket. She can help us. - How?

Whitley, spend some time with the man,

butter him up and find out if we're gonna get in.

I am not your Mayflower Madam.

Brother, I'm ashamed of you.

How could you ask her to do something so dishonorable, so tacky, so-

Ron, Ron, the man is trying to bust us.

There's no way we're gonna get in.

Wear something hot�

with a low top and a high bottom, and wear some open-toed shoes.

Why don't I just show up naked with a feather boa?

Whitley, I'm desperate. If I don't get in, my daddy's gonna kill me.

And if you don't get out, I'm gonna kill you.

I've been through hell for five weeks.

I'm not going through another five minutes unless I know we're getting in.

Whitley, take pity, have mercy on us, please.

What's in it for me?

Oh, Whitley, hi there.

Hello, Samuel.

Pledge maggots, what are you doing in a woman's room?

Making sure the woman's feet never touch dirt, sir.

And thanks to your pledges

and the wonderful kind man that sent them here,

my feet are completely clean.

Isn't it getting a little warm in here?

Very hot, sir.

Like a Swedish sauna, sir.

Look, I've got new for you two.

You've volunteered to put on a show for the kids from the youth center.

Sir, did you forget you already volunteered us for decoration, sir?

- No. - But, sir, our hands are full.

That's his way of saying we'd be very happy to be overloaded with work, sir.

Good. Then why aren't you smiling?

I want the kids to be smiling, too.

Oh, Samuel,

there's something irresistible about a civic-minded, socially conscious man

like yourself.

I'm burning up in here.

Whitley!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thank you is not enough.

This is going to cost you two dearly.

Oh, Whitley, I will wash your car for a month.

I'll do your chemistry homework.

You do my chemistry homework.

You can wash my car.

Hey, man, would you take a less active shower?

You're flopping around like it's a birdbath.

I haven't had a chance to take a shower for three days.

There's a lot to do in here.

There's a lot to do out here.

I've got six chapters to read for poli sci,

not to mention boning up on the history of Kappa Lambda Nu.

And I don't know what we're gonna do for these kids.

I still say there's merit to my idea of human checkers.

Oh, my God.

We paint the floor with black and red squares.

That way the kids learn the game while they are the game.

I think you should start eating decaf, Ron.

Well, look who's here.

Evening, Big Brother Sam.

Good evening, Big Brother Sam Lee, sir.

Have you guys thought of an idea for your show?

Uh, yes, sir.

Uh, and I think you're gonna like this. It's human checkers.

You see, we paint the floor red and black

and have the kids hop around like they're checkers.

That's your idea?

What about human Monopoly, sir?

You know, it would pain me deeply

if I could not recommend you pathetic pledges for membership.

Sir, I promise, by tomorrow, we'll depatheticize ourselves.

You do not smell as bad as your line brother, Dead Battery?

Oh, yes, sir, he does, sir.

Every bit as funky as I am, sir.

Aren't pledges supposed to be doing the same thing at the same time?

Yes, sir, but-

Ron! Man!

Quick thinking.

Dumb, but quick.

I take that as a compliment, sir.

All right, well, you're clean now, get out.

Dead Battery, since you're obviously all wet,

why don't you roll around on the floor for a while and mop this place up?

- Make sure he gets all the corners. - Yes, sir.

That's it.

We are through being janitors for Big Brother Sweathead. Get dressed.

What are you talking about?

We are quitting.

But we're this close to being Lambda Nus.

I got some Lambda news for you.

We have taken our first and last shower together. Let's go.

This is ridiculous.

Hey, man, is there water in your ears? I said let's go!

I said I'm staying.

Without me?

That's your choice. I thought we were in this together.

We were. Now we're out of this together.

I'm not taking any more flack from that little punk.

He's just testing our loyalty to each other.

I think you're losing sight of the big picture.

- Oh, am I? - Yes.

As Lambda Nus, we're gonna be part of a nationwide brotherhood

for the rest of our lives.

Wherever we go in this country, someone's gonna be looking out for us.

Do you want a nation of Sammy Clammys looking out for you?

When you're a Lambda Nu, people look up to you.

How are they gonna look up to me? I'm walking around like a duck.

I can't even look up to myself.

My father would not be in business today if it were not for his Lambda Nu brothers.

Look, I would never lick anybody's boots to get a job.

- Now are we out? - No, we are not.

And for the record, I never licked anybody's boots.

All right, fine. Be a frat brat.

Make your daddy happy. You're doing this without me.

I've been doing it without you for the last five weeks.

Punk.

Dwayne, Operation Clammy Sammy was a total success.

What are you talking about?

Mission accomplished. I got the 411 on your pledges.

And he said that you and Ron were virtual shoo-ins.

Isn't that great?

There's more.

Sam actually said that Ron is the best pledge he's ever seen.

Well, rumpty-doo!

Is that some secret fraternity code word for "thank you, oh, magnificent Whitley"?

Whitley, I don't think I'm cut out to be Lambda Nu.

Maybe I didn't express myself clearly.

I said that you and Ron are virtual shoo-ins.

All you have to do is put on that show for the kids.

Maybe I didn't express myself clearly. I said I quit!

Oh, no, you don't.

Not after what I did for you tonight.

I have done something tonight that I have never, ever done before.

I ate at Moo Burger.

Whitley, that was very nice of you-

I had to give my order to a man with a cow head on.

I appreciate that, Whitley.

They brought in my food on a wheel barrow

and made me eat this salad with a little miniature pitchfork.

And all of this, while sitting across from a man

who was evaporating before my very eyes.

Well, it wasn't for nothing.

At least super-pledge Ron Johnson will be thrilled.

- Excuse me? - Ron was made for all this pledging junk.

When he was born, the doctor slapped him, he said,

"Please, sir, slap me again, sir."

So Ron is not dropping out with you?

Oh, no, he wouldn't think of leaving the Live Xi Beta Chapter

of Kappa Lambda Nu Incorporated,

a nationwide brotherhood of idiots.

Which you were mopping your tail off trying to get into.

True, but now I've come to my senses.

Unlike some people who think they need purple jackets

and silly nicknames and secret handshakes to be somebody.

You know, I wish Ron and all his new brothers the best of luck.

You certainly sound like you do.

What is that supposed to mean?

Don't worry. I'm sure Ron will keep in touch with you

when he moves out of your room into the fraternity house.

You think he might do that?

Why not?

You've given him about as much support as a training bra.

All right, all right. Settle down, settle down! Come on.

We're going to start the show now, okay?

Come on. Everybody have a seat.

Okay, boys and girls, I know that you were hoping

to see The Amazing Albert today, and so was his wife,

but that's her problem, isn't it?

But we have got something even better than a magic show.

Di� Dion. Dion, honey, come on.

- Get down. - I'll get him.

Thank you. The men from Kappa Lambda Nu,

that's these gentlemen here in the purple and white,

they have put together something very special for each and every one of you.

We are going to see a puppet show!

Puppets are for babies.

Freddie, would you sit on him, please?

Okay, we are now going to hear the story of Little Red Riding Hood.

You all know that one, right?

Yay!

Okay, well, um�

�everybody, it's show time!

Once upon a time, in the dark part of the forest,

a girl named Little Red Riding Hood

lived with her mother who did nothing but bake cookies

all day long.

Oh, my. I love to bake cookies.

I want a cookie!

Chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal cookies,

and raisin cookies, and peanut butter cookies�

And how many cookies did you put in here?

Just read the words!

Red Riding Hood, why don't I fix you a basket of cookies to take to Grandma?

You can take her chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal cookies, and raisin cookies-

Oh, this is brilliant.

At least I didn't jump ship like that Dead Battery roommate of yours.

Kelly, it's not really polite to read during the show.

Can I take a nap?

- Uh� - Tino!

This isn't a musical! Come on!

Come on, everybody. Let's settle down and enjoy the show.

I want to go upstairs!

I want to go to the bathroom!

Me, too.

Okay, okay, hold it!

Little people! Little people, um, we're going to take a brief intermission,

but we'll be right back.

So don't break anything!

Oh, thanks a lot. They were just getting into this.

We were getting swamp sounds out there.

- I've got an idea. - It can't be any worse than this.

? Boys and girls Let me hear you clap ?

? 'Cause you're about to hear The Red Riding Hood rap ?

? Now she was on her way To Grandma's house ?

? Which seemed like quite a safe bet ?

? 'Till down the road came Mr. Wolf In his '89 red Corvette ?

? Hey, Miss Hood You know, you're looking so good ?

? How's about a little ride? ?

? You see, my Corvette's Got air-conditioning ?

? And it's sure mighty hot outside ?

? Sorry, Mr. Wolf My mom would not approve ?

? And of course I must obey her ?

? Even though your CD player Is booming quite a groove ?

? Now, Wolfie floored the 'vette And then off he went ?

? He went straight to Grandma's pad ?

? He climbed through a window Punched Granny in the eye ?

? And he put on Grandma's plaid ?

? But just as he did, he heard a knock ?

? "Come in," old Wolfie said ?

? It's me, Grandma, Red Riding Hood ?

? I've come through the fields and briar ?

? To bring to you some cookies And your National Enquirer ?

? Hey, there, Red, what's that you said? ?

? My hearing is so poor ?

? Come a little closer, my dear So I can see you just a little bit more ?

? Grandma, what big eyes you have! ?

? Why do you lick your lips? ?

? Because I'm ready right now To eat you, my dear ?

? Right down to your fingertips ?

? But Little Red was faster Than old Wolfie could imagine ?

? You know She jumped into his red Corvette ?

? And then she gunned that baby's engine ?

? But the only thing that day That old Wolfie got to eat ?

? Was a mouthful of that Corvette's dust ?

? As Red tore down the street ?

Come on!

? As Red tore down the street ?

Come on, Fred! Yeah!

? As Red tore down the street ?

? As Red tore down the street ?

? As Red tore down the street ?

? As Red tore down the street ?

All right!

? As Red tore down the street ?

Okay, brothers. The first round of pizza is on me.

All right!

- Hey, guys. - Hey, Dwayne.

Hey, Dwayne. Join us for some pizza?

- No, I gotta get over to the library. - All right, see ya.

Ron-o, got a minute, man?

I guess so.

Got that roach off your forehead. Congratulations. You're in.

Thanks. I'll see you later.

You know what? I wore out a pair of high tops today. No lie.

Now that's a news flash.

- And I wore them out looking for you. - Okay, you found me.

You left your, uh, wolf teeth back at the show.

Now I'm going to eat you, my dear.

Right down to your fingertips.

I did it better.

You know, people say when you leave stuff behind,

it's 'cause you wanna go back and take care of unfinished business.

Nah, I just forgot them.

That's another reason people leave stuff behind. Um�

What if I say, "I'm sorry, I was wrong,"

you say, "That's cool," and we go shoot some hoops?

Oh, man.

Ron, look. Uh�

I'm sorry.

It bugged me how you were getting all those kudos from Sam.

Which is why I acted, you know, how I acted.

Like a jackass.

Yeah.

Does this mean you want back in?

Hey, I can talk to Clammy Sammy. You only missed a day of pledging.

It's not for me. I don't feel it the way you do.

I was hoping this was something we could do together. You know, brothers.

I'm already your brother, Ron.

I know that.

And you'll be fine with your boys in purple.

- I know that, too. - Okay.

See, you don't think I know things, but I know a lot.

I know you do.

I know things you don't even know that I know.

- I know that, too, Ron. - Why don't you act like it?

? Zoom, zoom, zoom Kappa Lambda Nu ?

They're playing your song.

? Zoom, zoom, zoom ?

I guess I'd better go.

I still say human checkers was a good idea.

Somehow I figured you would.

? Laughing through the good times ?

? Living through the bad times ?

? Brothers we will be ?

? Kappa Lambda Nu ?

? Always you and me ?

? Kappa Lambda Nu ?

? Zoom, zoom, zoom ?

? We stand fast ?

- ? We stand tall ? - ? Zoom, zoom, zoom ?

? We stand together ?

- ? We can never fall ? - ? Zoom, zoom, zoom ?

? If you need a helping hand Through trouble or despair ?

- ? You will have a brother ? - ? Kappa Lambda Nu ?

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