Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready, yeah ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it, we can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

Plastic.

Plastic.

Paper.

- Metal.

Paper!

Whoo!

Freddie, I realize that you are recycling,

but do you have to wage the fight against garbage

in this room?

Plastic!

I have never.

Aim that blowtorch at your own face,

you graceless hippo!

Jaleesa,

I want all blow dryers banned from the bathroom today.

It's like being whipped around

by the sirocco winds of the Sahara in there.

Do you know what hot air can do to your skin?

I know every time you open your mouth, my face cracks.

Whitley, is there anything you want to throw in the recycling bin?

Yes, but it's not big enough to hold her.

Must your bed always look like the sales table at the Salvation Army?

Having a rough morning?

Look at this pimple.

It's just sitting there like Mount Krakatoa

about to erupt on my head!

Your mom is coming today, right?

Yes, Dr. Joyce Brothers,

but I'm not nervous about that. Not one little bit.

So just save your psycho-babble breath.

Okay.

Lord! When mother sees this eruption,

she'll say, "The only man you'll attract is a dermatologist."

Your mom is gonna be too busy with the board of trustees meeting

to be worried about one pimple.

My mom doesn't give a flying fig

about her seat on the Hillman board of trustees.

She's just coming here to see why I'm still an old maid.

Aren't you a little young to be an old maid?

Must I explain everything to you?

Ever since Cousin Candy's wedding,

my mother has been on me like a buzz saw.

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride."

She's probably just teasing you.

She paid Candy to throw the bouquet at me.

I'd have caught it, too,

if it hadn't been for Marietta Dixon sticking her elbow in my eye.

You are not in college just to catch a man.

I'm not?

Whitley!

I can't help it.

I go along just fine,

and then I get around her,

and I'm a nine-year-old in corrective shoes again,

watching as she mesmerizes every man on the dance floor.

Whitley, you are a beautiful girl.

You're on the dean's list, your head of the arts society.

- You're absolutely right. - All right.

- I've got to pull myself together. - Now that's the spirit.

Now if I can just camouflage this bump,

maybe somebody will propose to me before Mama gets here.

Ah!

Excellent timing, gentlemen.

Oh, thank you. Thank you kindly.

You should've taken weight lifting.

Mush on, Muttley.

Hello there.

Hello, ma'am. Ron Johnson, at your service.

I'm Marion Gilbert, I'm Whitley's mother.

Holy moly!

Excuse him, ma'am. Dwayne Wayne.

I'd be happy to run up and get Whitley for you.

Oh, thank you so much, but she's expecting me.

I'm sure she'll be down in a moment.

Lettie!

Marion.

Oh, darling, you look so wonderful.

And I know what it is. It's being here with these young people.

In August, instead of going to the spa,

I'm gonna come up here and camp out with you.

I'll pitch the tent.

Mama.

Oh, darling, look at you!

Oh, you look so adorable.

Mm, kiss, kiss, kiss. Oh.

Oh, Lettie, thank you so much for taking such good care of my baby.

She does a fine job of taking care of herself.

In that area, she really does take after her mother.

Help!

Oh!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm recycling.

Did I get any soda on you?

Uh, no, darling, just on my shoes, but that's all right,

because crocodiles are aquatic animals.

Everything has to be waterproof around our little Freddie.

I wish we could stay and chat,

but we have so much to do before my trustees meeting. So excuse us.

Oh, she's adorable.

And you needn't waste your time on Tin Can Sally.

Oh, Mother, please. I am your daughter.

Kim.

This is my mother.

Mother, Kim Reese.

- Hi. - Finally.

When Whitley told me she was rooming

with the recipient of the Phyllis Wheatley Scholarship,

I couldn't have been more pleased.

I brag about you all the time.

Yes, because to earn that scholarship, you have to be more than just needy.

- What Mother means is you really- - Oh, Kitty knows what I mean. She-

- Certainly. - Oh, ladies, ladies�

This bedspread is positively at war with those curtains.

Mother, this is Kim's bedspread.

Oh, well, then how could you have known, Carol.

Excuse me, it's Kim.

Isn't that a lovely name?

Thank you.

I have to go to class now. It was very nice meeting you.

It was my pleasure.

Whitley, where is she from?

Columbus, Ohio.

Oh-ho, it shows.

- Kim's a very nice girl. - Now did I say she wasn't?

Darling. Divorce update.

Mother, please, let's not talk about Daddy and Monica.

Whitley, I have turned that page.

His love handles are her problems now.

Now, tell me all about you.

And tell me about school.

I'm doing very well.

Professor Albert said I've improved so much in my composition,

that it would be-

"Introduction to Public Relations"?

I thought it would be a good way to-

But, darling, you know all about public relations.

You've watched me at dinner parties.

Well, I wanted to use it for my job this summer.

Your job?

Whitley, what job?

I've been talking to a few people at art galleries-

Oh, sweetheart. Now,

remember how disappointed you were last summer,

when that magazine turned you down?

Why would you put yourself through all that again?

Well, Mama, there's a chance that I might get the job.

Of course you might get the job,

but we'll be doing the Mediterranean coast in July.

And then, in August, we're going to Hilton Head,

and just everyone is expecting you, Whitley.

Well, I hate to disappoint everyone,

but I was looking forward-

Phone. Phone.

Hello?

Kent?

It's Kent Souje!

"Stinky"?

Well, it's great to hear yours, too.

Really? I'm so happy for you!

That sounds lovely.

Three o'clock.

Oh, and Mama says hi.

See you then.

Kent Souje!

Oh, isn't that a nice surprise?

Now, what is he up to these days?

He just graduated from Duke Medical School,

and he's doing his residency at Howard Hospital.

Oh, Whitley, how long has it been since he's seen you?

Seven years?

Oh, he'll die. He will just die.

Now, remember, let him do all the talking.

Because men really do love a good listener.

Wear something very alluring, but not too much cleavage-

Because "bust before dusk means your virtue he cannot trust."

That is my baby. Absolutely.

But before he sets eyes on you, we must do something about that pimple.

It is sitting right in the middle of your face like Mount Fuji.

Oh, there goes Whitley. I wonder where Moms is.

Moms don't look like no mother I ever seen.

Imagine scraping your knee and having that woman kiss your boo-boo.

Oh, Kent, really, was I that awful?

My little brothers used to call you "the bruiser."

Oh, well, I do remember hitting one of them� once.

Once?

You gave them all black eyes.

Then you forced them to marry you several times.

Now, you wouldn't have had to force me.

You had a crush on me?

No, I was scared you'd knock me out.

So, tell me, what are you studying? Who are you seeing?

I'd much rather hear about you.

I'm not gonna say another word

until you tell me something about yourself.

All right, I'm majoring in Art History. I'm minoring in French.

- Now tell me about you. - And?

What are your plans when you graduate?

What every woman dreams of� a nice home, the right fella,

the pitter-patter of little feet.

Dogs?

Children, silly.

It's funny, I always thought you'd be a banker, an entrepreneur,

a prizefighter.

Well, I feel that at a time

when a woman is trying to wear the suspenders in the family,

it's my duty to champion the virtues of the homemaker.

I'm glad to see women entering the work force.

Of course, I could be a working homemaker.

Who would have thought that little girl in braces and corrective shoes

would turn into� what I see.

Oh, Stinky�

I'm glad your mother warned me that you were such a knockout.

My mother? When did you talk to her?

Just last week. She got my number at your cousin's wedding.

Oh, did she?

Yeah, she thought it would be nice for us to have a little reunion.

I think it was a great idea.

Well, there's no end to my mother's great ideas. She's just full of them.

No, now, I don't want to hear nothing about no recycling, no bicycling,

or no other kind of cycling! Now you hear?

Mr. Gaines, don't you care about

what kind of world you're leaving to your children?

No!

But we're depleting our woodlands.

- The Amazon jungle is going fast. - Crazy.

Who knows what's gonna be next?

The redwood forests.

- The Everglades. - The Everglades?

No, no, they not touching my Everglades!

You know, that's where Velma and I are gonna spend our golden years, uh-huh.

And they better have some fish when I get down there, too. Meaty ones.

There you are.

I have been looking all over for you two.

Kent, let me look at you, darling.

Whitley, did we ever think that skinny little bookworm

would turn into such an attractive man?

I'm learning to expect the unexpected.

Oh, Kent, will you come tonight to my little cocktail party

for my board of trustees?

Don't even think about saying no.

Um, what time should I be there?

Well, let's say 6:30.

Okay.

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening,

if I had planned it myself.

Oh, bye-bye.

Why doesn't she just rent a billboard?

"To wed: one daughter, hefty dowry.

No experience necessary, no reasonable offers refused."

Whitley, you're eating the paper.

Now, look. She's not the first mother to play matchmaker.

I fixed my son up with his wife.

Well, his first wife,

but they were very happy for several months.

That's your second layer.

Good. I want pimples.

Lots of them. Little Mount Fujis all over my face.

Well, before you excavate this third layer of chocolates,

why not just tell your mother how you feel?

Oh, sure, I'll just say,

"Mother, I'm old enough to make my own decisions."

And she'll say, "Of course you are, darling.

Now get in there and pick a veil."

Maybe it's time you told her that you're not ready to get married.

I can't.

- You tell her. - Uh-uh!

- Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. - I'm on my way out.

Tell her.

And I'll just have one of these turtles before they become extinct.

Ooh, Kim, it's been too long since we've been out together.

We've never gone out together.

Uh-huh, Thanksgiving.

I don't remember when I had so much fun.

Or so much stuffing.

What do you want?

Would you please come with me to my mother's cocktail party?

Oh, I don't think so.

Why not? She likes you.

Your mom can't even remember my name.

She's like that with everybody.

She called me Willy till I was ten.

You're on your own, Willy.

Let me put this to you as delicately as possible.

You owe me!

Mr. Hobson, by touring Asia,

the Hillman choir will enhance the prestige of this school.

- Where's that girl with the shrimp? - So we-

Avery Hobson, you are not locking horns with a rival corporate lawyer.

This young lady has begged you long enough.

And I am not about to grovel.

Not in this dress.

Shrimp?

How much do you need?

- Just $2,600- - No, no.

Avery and I like big, fat round numbers.

Make it an even $5,000.

Don't forget to put happy faces in all those little zeros.

See you later.

Now how are my favorite guests doing?

I had no idea that Whitley's roommate was in pre-med.

And in the honors program.

Oh, yes, we're all very, very proud of little Kiki.

Isn't it Kim?

Thank you.

Oh, Kim, another cheese puff?

Now, remember, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

Darling, you have seen that celery tray right over there, haven't you?

Yeah.

- She prefers the hors d'oeuvres over here. - Oh.

Do you play tennis, Kim?

- Not really. - Oh, that's a pity.

You know, Kent, you must come to watch Whitley in the doubles in June.

Yes, I'll be wearing a little bitty skirt, and when I bend over,

Heaven and Earth will be filled with my glory.

Marion, uh, I'm afraid I need reinforcements.

Oh, is Dr. McLurkin still clutching his checkbook?

- I'm afraid so. - Excuse me, children.

I have been drafted again.

Posture, dear, posture. We are not Quasimodo.

You know, Marion, you could charm the eagle off a dollar.

Oh, Bradford, I am so thankful that you are on this board.

I was afraid I'd be stuck with a group of fat, old fogies.

Well, thank you, but I'm not exactly on the board.

- Oh! - No, I'm the faculty liaison to the board.

- Oh, so you teach? - Yes.

How fulfilling.

Uh, Dr. McLurkin.

Whitley, look at what your mother got for the gospel choir.

That woman is incredible.

I thought I could at least count on you to be negative.

Excuse me.

Dear, dear, while you are wandering around etching frown lines into your face,

Kent is being whisked away by that Roller Derby queen.

Mother, I don't feel very well.

Well, pull yourself together because the night is young.

I told you, I'm having-

Would you grab your skates and hit the ring?

My stomach hurts!

Oh, that's right, darling. Go back to the dorm and lie down.

Mother will come over in a moment just to tuck you in.

Uh, play "Blue Moon" or something, please.

Avery Hobson�

Now, I'm going to show you all the way�

Hey, Whitley. Where's Moms?

That woman wins first place

in the Ron Johnson Miss Mother Universe Pageant.

You like her? You can have her.

- Now what's her problem? - I don't know.

If she had my mother, she'd have something to complain about.

I like your mom. She's too tiny to smack you.

She doesn't have to smack you.

What the woman lacks in size, she makes up for in cunning.

Once, I forged her signature on my report card?

Uh-oh.

When I got home, she said "Ronald, darling, I'm in the den."

I walked in, she jumped out of the corner,

and tackled me on the couch.

I can't go anywhere with my mama.

"This is my boy, Dwayne.

"He's so smart, he's my heart. He's been on the honor roll since kindergarten,

"and he got an 800 on his math SATs.

Come on, count something for them, Chipmunk."

Your mother calls you "Chipmunk"?

- Do we have a problem with that? - No, man, no.

No. Joanie wanted to name me "Moonbeam."

"Joanie"?

You call your mother "Joanie"?

Since I was a kid. Actually, she's really more like a friend than my mother.

She never tells me what to do, when to go to bed, what to wear.

Maybe I'd be more together if she told me a couple of things.

Mother, I am not your little marionette.

You can't just boss me around like this.

I'm an adult.

Whitley.

Mother.

What was that display of histrionics at my party?

Avery Hobson must think I raised you in a pool hall.

I wasn't feeling very well.

Why are you so determined to make me unhappy?

You unhappy? What about me?

In three years at this school, you haven't managed to find

one single man of Kent's caliber.

How dare you just toss him aside like a pair of old go-go boots?

Kent didn't come here on his own, Mama.

You asked him to come.

Behind my back.

Oh, so this is why we're having this little tantrum.

I set you up with an attractive, eligible, future doctor,

and shame on me.

You made me look like some desperate ugly-duckling princess

from a dime-store novel.

I had to cozy up to that graceless cow, Louise Souje,

to pry Kent's number from her hoof.

I mean, I didn't expect a parade,

but a simple "thank you" would have sufficed.

I didn't ask you to do that.

No, you didn't as me to do that.

You were too busy with your nose buried in that public relations book

to see that the opportunities were slipping through your fingers.

Well, you may not be worried about your future, Whitley Gilbert, but I am.

That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you, Mama.

- You're always telling what to do- - Oh, there we go with the "you always-"

Mother, please!

May I finish?

My whole life has been, "Sit up straight, fix your hair,

smile, don't smile too much, get that ring before spring."

When do I get to do what I want to do?

What do you want to do?

I don't actually know.

You don't know?

I'm afraid that's just not good enough for my daughter.

Now, for the good news,

I have managed to smooth things over with Kent.

You two are playing tennis in the morning at 10:00.

So go to bed and get your beauty sleep.

So I can end up like you, Mama?

No husband, no friends, a daughter who can't stand to be around you?

I didn't mean that.

Whitley.

I didn't realize that I had made your life so awful.

It's not awful, Mama. I didn't say that.

I want the best for you. Don't you see that?

Yes, but you hold on so tight, I can't even breathe.

It's funny, Whitley, but I�

I always thought I was a good mother.

You are, Mama.

Oh, of course, I am.

Because just look at you, my baby.

Can we have lunch tomorrow, Mama?

Darling, I am lunching with Avery Hobson tomorrow.

You see, he's a little taken with me.

Oh. Of course.

I don't suppose you want to get up early and have breakfast or anything?

I would love to have breakfast with you.

Baby, I neglected to tell you that

I did give your number to a few other young men.

Now, they will be calling you. You don't have to go on a date with them.

I understand that. But perhaps you and Karen

could just take them out for some coffee or something.

Mother, her name is Kim.

Kim.

Well, it shouldn't be.

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