Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready, yeah ?

? For I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

? Yes, it is now, yeah ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? And if we focus on our goal ?

? You can dish it, we can take it ?

? Hey, just remember That you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

? It's a different world ?

- ? It's a different world ? - ? Than where you come from ?

? Ooh ?

? Than where you come from ?

So, Saturday night, what do you wanna do?

We'll do anything you want. We'll go to a basketball game,

we'll go to the movies, we'll go ice fishing if you want.

Saturday's the big Morehouse game.

Norm's supposed to start.

Basketball players. That's the kind of dudes you like?

Tall brothers with big hands and long feet?

Well, actually, I like guys about 5'10",

sort of wiry,

with glasses.

Do you mean wiry in a good way?

I mean wiry in the best way.

Mm, whoa!

Suzanne, we've reached a milestone.

We've been going out for three weeks and four days.

Mm, it's been longer than that.

No, I wasn't counting the first two weeks when I was just checking you out.

Well, I was.

This is an authentic Guatemalan friendship bracelet.

I love it, Dwayne.

But I've gotta get home.

Wait a minute, I'm not finished yet.

I've got to make dinner.

All right, I can walk with you.

I'll walk and talk and kiss at the same time.

I'll call you later.

Wait a minute, hold on.

Every time I offer to walk you home,

you've got some excuse.

Does your family live in a cave?

At night, do you go home

and turn into the gooney-goo-goo woman or somethin'?

- Bye. - Mm.

D.W.

I have died and gone to heaven.

I'm going to church, this Sunday, to say, "Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you. Thank you."

Church�

Now that's a good place to meet some women.

Ron, soon enough, you'll be ready for something real.

Until then, you just keep playing "spin the bimbo."

They don't like it when you call them bimbos.

Bimbos?

Oh, I can see this conversation has reached a much higher plane.

- Dwayne's in love. - Again?

Ah-ah. It's different this time,

because this one likes me back.

Who is this woman?

And what institution did she escape from?

The only thing Suzanne is crazy about is wiry, little me.

Which goes to show you, if you wait for love long enough,

it will come and sit right on your lap.

Nah, you'll never see me squashed down by love again.

Brother, you're missing the whole point of college.

What is that point, Ron?

We are here to load up on fun,

so we won't need to have any when we're married.

Ron, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, brother.

Well, if it wasn't clear before, it certainly is now.

I'm wasting my time with Dwayne Wayne.

- I need to go out with other people. - You never went out with Dwayne.

Well, today, it's official.

I'm free and single and ready to mingle.

Well, a lot of Robert's friends think you're cute.

Babies are cute.

Dogs in sweaters are cute.

I have nothing in common with a dog in a sweater.

I'm gratified to hear that.

I'm tired of guys patting me on the head.

I want to be sophisticated, alluring�

a spider woman.

I want to be you!

People in hell want ice water.

Nobody takes me seriously.

Freddie, you're being silly.

See? Well�

you can say goodbye to your cute, little friend, Freddie Brooks.

From this day on, it's going to be Winifred.

No.

Better.

Winnie.

And I want you to help me.

Well, I'm flattered, but I don't think I have time

for a project of that magnitude.

All right.

I'll just go to the mall and turn myself in at the make-up counter.

You'll have better luck if you go down to Buildings and Grounds

and have your face sandblasted.

Whitley, would you tell her she's fine the way she is?

When do you wanna start?

The double integral over the region R

of the partial derivative N with respect to X minus M,

with respect to YDXDY�

Something's wrong up here.

That's the first correct thing you've said since you've been up there.

Would anyone like to save this drowning man?

Oh, come on, that's the same two hands,

and you're only volunteering in hopes that I won't call on you.

Put your hands down. Put 'em down.

Come on, somebody.

Mr. Wayne,

when I marked you present,

I did so with the assumption that you brought your brain.

Yes, I did, sir.

The board is yours.

Well�

Um�

the derivative of the curve BDE

is not a continuous function of Y.

Go on.

The points should be assigned

like this.

So when R is divided into two sub-regions,

we have applied Green's Theorem.

Correct.

Thank you.

What are you waiting for? Applause?

No, sir.

Today's class has got to be the greatest waste of chalk

in the history of mathematics.

Now, in our next meeting,

we will have full class participation.

Your hands will leave your pockets and fly up at full mast.

Or else, you will be using those same hands

to sign up for this course, again, next semester.

Do I make myself clear?

Uh, excuse me, sir, didn't I just give you a right answer?

Mr. Wayne,

in my class, a correct answer is not a triumph.

It is a requirement.

And if you think that one correct answer a day

is going to satisfy me,

well, then, perhaps, you better start thinking

about signing up for a new major.

Yes, sir.

Have a nice day.

Uh, sir, I believe that what happened in class today was valuable.

I think that we learn more from our mistakes

than we do our successes.

Then you certainly learned a lot today.

Yes, sir, I certainly did.

Lay low. He's trigger-happy today.

This certainly is a pleasant surprise.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, Pookie. Come here and give me�

Oh, Suzanne, what do you say we, uh, go past your house

and go down to the ocean?

When we get to the ocean, we can jump in the water

swim to Bermuda, buy some shorts and name our kids after tropical fruit.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine for someone who just flunked his future.

You want to tell me about it?

All I did was give the man a correct answer.

And was that enough for him?

No. He had to turn me into dog meat.

Who are you talking about?

Dr. War.

Dr. War?

Colonel Taylor.

You know, dudes with grenades between their ears

shouldn't be allowed to teach.

We're here. Bye.

Hey, hold, hold, hold it. I'm not finished yet.

I've got to go.

You got to come over here and give me a kiss.

Bye.

Oh.

Colonel Taylor.

Mr. Wayne.

I believe you're standing on my newspaper.

Uh�

Mm. You smell good today.

What is that?

No, no, no, let me guess, let me guess.

Yes, it's that French perfume, the smell of Paris.

I'm glad you like it, Walter, but it's hair spray.

- Mm-hmm. - That means it's cheap, right?

I'll get you a six-pack for Christmas.

Whitley is giving Freddie a complete beauty overhaul.

I just happened to get caught in the crossfire.

Mm!

- Excuse me, that's my jacket. - Oh!

What's wrong with your roommate? She's cute.

Walter, please, don't ever, ever say that around Freddie.

Now, I think that the girl is adorable,

but she's convinced that eye shadow

is gonna change her life.

Now, that's sad.

It's terrible when a women thinks she's gotta look good all the time.

I'm glad you don't feel that way.

Uh, I don't think I made myself clear.

What I mean is, the modern woman has too many responsibilities

to worry about her appearance,

and, conversely, the modern man

knows that the real beauty of a woman

is the essence that lies within and not without.

Would you like me to send an elevator down

in that pit that you just dug for yourself?

- A ladder will be fine. - Mm-hmm. I'm sure.

This is a man in love.

Oh, I must have lost a bet with God.

How many women are on this campus?

1,500? 2,000 maybe?

2,136.

And I had to pick Suzanne Taylor,

daughter of Colonel "War" Taylor.

She's who?

What? I didn't know that he had a daughter.

She's who?

I always thought he had a son.

She's who?

What am I gonna do?

Buy a bulletproof vest.

Wait, I mean, what difference does it make who the girl's father is?

Hey, you're datin' the girl, not the man.

But who is that man?

Dr. War! Not Dr. Peace, Dr. War!

I mean, you don't get that kinda nickname from taking in lost puppies.

Dwayne, dump this girl, or die.

Now, before we go on to phase two of your transformation,

let's go over the eight steps of phase one.

Cleanse, exfoliate, cleanse to remove exfoliant

pat dry, tone with astringent,

spot with concealer, re-hydrate, apply matte finish.

Brava, brava.

Just one question�

why did we exfoliate my face?

To liberate those living skin cells.

And all that stuff won't kill 'em?

Now on to phase two.

Freddie, that's where she shellacs your face,

so you never have to phase one ever again.

Thank you for your beauty secrets,

but we'll stick with our own regime.

I can't wait till Dwayne sees me.

I thought you gave up on him.

I did.

I want him to see what he's missing.

- I've got a surprise for you. - Another one?

Yeah, macadamia nut cookies from Mrs. Meadows.

Oh, golly.

I could feed it to you.

No, no, you've done enough.

You went all the way there, bought the cookies, brought 'em back here.

Least I could do is feed it to myself.

Is something wrong?

What's wrong with a man wanting to eat his own cookie?

You haven't even kissed me hello yet.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Is that all you think about? Kiss?

Why don't we sit and talk?

Talking is very underrated.

It's a lost art.

Maybe I ought to go find it.

You found out about my father.

What about your father?

You found out that he's Colonel Taylor.

Your daddy's Colonel Taylor? Get out of here!

Tell him I said, "What's happening?"

You're mad I didn't tell you in the beginning.

In the beginning of what?

Can we talk about this?

Oh, now, you wanna talk. Kiss/talk, talk/kiss�

You got to make up your mind. I don't know what you wanna do.

Most guys just stop calling when they find out.

At least you're approach is original.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You're acting like a jerk so I'll want to stop seeing you.

Well, you know what, Dwayne?

You're a pretty convincing jerk.

Entrez, Winnie.

People are staring at us.

No, they're staring at you.

They've seen me look stunning before.

Oh! Tacos.

I haven't had a taco since I left Santa Fe.

They have beans in them.

Onions, tomatoes, big wedges of avocado.

Which make big wedges of thigh.

Don't look now,

but you have an admirer.

Bradley Pierce.

He's heir to a huge dental floss fortune.

He's eating a taco.

I didn't say he was perfect.

My feet hurt.

I told you to break your shoes in.

I didn't have time. I was too busy exfoliating.

Freddie, you look incredible.

Thank you.

What's wrong with Dwayne?

I think he and Suzanne had a fight.

Winnie,

opportunity is knocking.

Go to the door.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

Go get him�

spider woman.

Is this seat taken?

Not anymore.

You look like a man who could use some company.

Freddie, right now, I'm probably less than no fun.

I'll be the judge of that.

Tell me all about it.

You have my undivided attention.

Suzanne and I broke up.

Oh, that's too bad.

No, it's for the better.

I'm so sorry.

Don't be.

It probably wouldn't have worked.

I mean, just because two people are attracted to each other, so what?

So what?

And just because two people can talk about anything,

anytime, anywhere,

that's no basis for a relationship, is it?

Not necessarily.

And just because I can be myself, I can act natural,

and she still likes me,

who cares, right?

- Well, I- - And�

Just because these two people can't live without each other,

what does that prove?

Proves you're in love, dummy.

No! No!

It proves you're in love with her.

You should go make up with her.

It's not that easy.

It's what you want.

When you want something, you go after it.

Right now, I'm going after a taco.

Studying again, huh?

Okay, what's wrong?

Nothing.

It's a very interesting book.

Oh, yeah, what is that?

Oh, "Economic Gravity, Inflation In The Supply Side."

Yeah, sure, sounds like a real page-turner.

Daddy�

�it's no big deal.

I just had a fight with a friend.

Must've been an awfully special friend to drive you to supply side economics.

Yeah.

Just not as special as I thought.

I'll get it.

Mr. Wayne.

Colonel Taylor, sir.

Um, forgive me for just dropping by like this.

Well, I do have office hours.

This isn't about calculus. It's about your daughter, Suzanne.

Oh, no. You�

You are Mr. Supply Side. Come on in.

- I beg your pardon, sir? - It's unbelievable.

I mean, how many students could there be at Hillman College?

I mean�

Well, 2,136 girls, full-time.

Unbelievable.

I see you have a whole lot of swords up here, sir.

Is that what you come to tell me?

No, sir. Um�

Uh�

I've been dating�

well� �I've been seeing�

Even better, I've been spending time

with your daughter.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Mr. Wayne,

what are your plans for the future?

Well,

I'll be in class on Monday.

After Monday. I mean,

how do you plan to support a wife?

A wife?

Well�

Sir, I� I really wasn't planning on getting married so soon.

Oh, I see.

So, then, uh, you're really just trifling with my daughter?

Yes, sir.

No, sir!

No, sir.

I would not trifle with anything of yours, sir.

Hmm. Then, why are you here?

I'm here because�

�I care very much about your daughter,

and I intend to date her

no matter who her father is, sir.

Oh.

Is that what you came to tell me?

Uh�

Basically� �yes.

So,

I'll see you Monday in class.

Mr. Wayne.

Come here.

Well�

While you're here, why don't you talk with Suzanne, huh?

You're on a roll.

You're right, sir.

- Hmm? Yeah? - Yeah.

Pookie?

Your friend is here.

I'll go check on the chitlins.

Hi.

Hi.

Look, Suzanne, I'm sorry, I'm a jerk.

I'm a big jerk.

I may even be an idiot.

No, you're not.

You're right. Okay, I'm a fool.

But a brave fool.

You really think I'm brave?

Nah, you ain't seen brave.

I'm gonna kiss you

in your daddy's house�

in front of all your daddy's swords.

Oh!

Mr. Wayne,

would you care to, uh, join us for dinner?

- Yes. - There's more than enough.

- Mm-hmm. - I learned how to cook in basic training.

Every recipe serves, what, 800.

We have so much.

Uh� Okay. Um, yeah, sure.

- Oh, good, well, I'll set another place. - All right.

Dwayne, come here.

Be good to my daughter.

Yes, sir.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Not too good.

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