Original subtitles

? I know my parents love me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? Because I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it, we can take it ?

? Just remember you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

A rope ladder hangs from a ship.

Its rungs are one foot apart.

Its bottom rung rests on the water.

If the tide rises eight inches every hour,

how many rungs are covered in six hours?

Ron?

Uh� Well�

That depends on the kind of ship,

and whether or not it was in a harbor.

Four rungs.

Four rungs. You're fierce.

Fierce� and wrong.

Sometimes in deductive reasoning, you can think too hard.

Now, Ron, or should I say, Dwayne, was so busy thinking,

he forgot that the ship and the ladder rise with the tide.

Yeah, man.

You see, you have to stand back and look at the whole picture,

but not so far back that you fall off the boat.

It wasn't that funny.

I know.

Denise?

Here's one for you.

An explorer walks one mile south,

one mile east, and one mile north,

arriving at the same spot he started from.

He shoots a bear.

What color is the bear? And remember, don't think too hard.

I have no idea.

Hey, Denise, you can think harder than that.

There's not enough to go on.

The bear is white.

I was going to say white.

There's only one place on Earth

where the explorer could arrive at the same spot.

The North Pole.

It was a polar bear.

Deductive reasoning, pure and simple.

And wrong.

Uh-oh. Give 'em room.

Excuse me, Cougar?

Denise was right.

There's not enough to go on.

The guy could have been at the South Pole.

Yeah, he could have!

How?

The guy could start 1.1 and six miles north of the South Pole.

He heads south toward the pole, one mile,

goes east one mile, making a complete circle,

and heads north along the same path he went south on.

Excellent reasoning!

She reminds me of myself when I was her age.

What a memory!

Well, Denise, since you and Cougar work so well together,

try this one for tomorrow.

Why does a mirror reverse left and right, but not up and down?

And try to make it more of a collaborative effort.

Cougar.

If you'll allow me to put on my dean's cap for a moment.

Where is your registration card?

Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting.

Well, bring it tomorrow.

If I don't have your name on the grade sheet,

I won't be able to put an "A" beside it.

You got it.

Hey, Cougar, thanks for bailing me out.

Hope you've got ideas for this mirror thing.

Yeah, we'll work it out tonight.

Listen, I have this poli-sci paper coming up,

and I was thinking maybe we could get together-

Ron, for shame.

The girl is not a ready teller that you can stick a card in

and get instant facts back.

No, no, no. This is a fine mind here.

And I propose a meeting of the fine minds.

I will do your calculus.

You can do my philosophy and my Russian lit.

And the cheesesteaks will be on me.

Dwayne, if you walked one mile south,

one mile east, and one mile north,

you'd still be a doofus.

- Ouch! - Yo, Cougar, draw back those claws.

Hey, baby, mwah, love you, you big doofus!

You think that's funny?

Okay, so you're looking at the mirror, and it looks reversed,

but it isn't reversed to the person inside the mirror.

Not that there really is a person inside the mirror.

Although, sometimes, when I look in the mirror,

my reflection gets this really weird look on her face, and I wonder-

Maggie� �I'm getting a headache.

A headache? Perfect. You don't have to go to class.

Thanks, Mags.

Glad to help.

Bye.

I sense the beginnings of a pout.

Lettie, what makes people so irresponsible?

This girl's supposed to help me with this problem.

She didn't show, so I don't have my assignment.

I see.

She had all the pencils?

It was a joint assignment. We're supposed to work on it together.

And you didn't know how to do it?

Lettie, you're missing the point. I waited two hours for her.

So, she didn't do your homework for you.

That's pretty irresponsible.

Tell me. Does this irresponsible girl have a ring in her nose?

Yeah.

Well, somehow, she wandered over here,

and absent-mindedly left this in your mailbox.

Yes, Cougar!

"Denise, got hung up last night. Hope the enclosed does the trick."

Oh, no.

She misspelled my name. Oh, well. That's okay.

It's big of you to be so forgiving.

It's too bad Cougar wasn't in class today.

Dean Moseley said it was the best explanation

of the mirror question he'd ever read. We got an A.

What do you mean, "we"? Denise, you didn't do a thing.

- Excuse me, I handed it in. - Mm-hmm.

Well, I'll do the next one by myself.

What? And leave the poor girl with nothing to do?

Cougar.

There was someone named Cougar in my natural history class this morning.

She was the only one who knew that sharks have no memory.

For real?

It's a scientific fact.

Oh, wow, next time a shark is nibbling on my toes,

I'll say, "Jaws, chill. You tried me yesterday, and I wasn't too tasty."

Oh, hey, there she is!

Hey, Cougar!

Denise!

- Sorry I couldn't make it last night. - Yeah, where were you?

It was amateur night at the Boom Boom Room.

I don't know if you're being serious or not.

Ooh, it's broken. I know it is.

I kept the sales slip. We can return them.

Not my shoe, you ninny. My foot!

Now get me some ice and a towel.

Whitley, experience the pain, and then move on past it.

Ron, if you don't have anything good to say,

keep your mouth shut.

I've certainly learned that.

Whitley, what happened?

I was skipping along, happy as a lark,

when suddenly, I was sabotaged by lack of traction

on my new snakeskin stilettos.

Life can be cruel.

I see it has been to you.

Out of my way! This is an emergency.

Oh.

You should see a doctor.

I knew a model who broke her knee and it healed all wrong.

And now, she can only do jumpsuits and wedding dresses.

Ugh.

Perhaps you're right.

Take me to the infirmary.

Yes, Your Sickness.

Excuse me.

Ron, where's your mind?

Fireman's carry.

Oh, Dwayne, thank you.

How chivalrous of you.

Keep your hands still.

Millie�

Get my books, my toiletries.

And tell everybody lavender roses,

none of those seasonal arrangements.

Whitley Gilbert, the Cleopatra of Gilbert Hall.

Denise, can I ask you a little favor?

Sure, I owe you.

Well, my roommate has this new boyfriend.

It's getting crowded in there.

So, I was wondering, since Whitley is gonna be in the infirmary,

think I can crash in her room tonight?

Are you kidding?

If she found out, she would kill me, and she'd send Millie after you.

Okay, how about someplace else in your dorm?

Cougar, what if we get caught?

Come on, Denise.

I didn't think about that when I wrote your name

on our paper this morning, did I?

Okay.

- Next time, spell it right. - Okay.

Well, sleep tight.

Don't let the bugs bite.

Hey, thanks for sneaking me in.

You're such a pal!

If this works out, you can try it with a guy.

Oh, well, how do you know I already haven't?

Oh, wild guess.

Very funny.

Whitley!

Whitley Gilbert.

"Gilbert, 20S."

Soft as a baby's butt.

? I'll be back in the high life again ?

? All the doors I closed one time ?

? Will open up again ?

? We'll be back in the high life again ?

It figures.

? All the eyes that watched us once ?

? Will smile and take us in ?

Class.

? And we'll drink and dance With one hand free ?

? And have the world so easily ?

? And, oh, we'll be a sight to see� ?

Hi Ho, Silver. Away!

Easy on that door!

It's older than I am!

- Who is it? - Whitley Gilbert.

And Millie!

Sorry, girls, it's past curfew.

Get a motel room.

Let me in. I'm on crutches.

You'd better be.

My God, you are on crutches. What happened?

What didn't happen?

Four hours in the waiting room, not a decent magazine in the whole place.

They give me a quick once-over, and virtually throw me out on the street.

Well, they did say it was just a sprain.

Those quacks.

You know, it could be a hairline fracture. Those don't show up for weeks.

Yes. Well, why don't we all get to bed?

You must be exhausted from all this whining.

Guess you have to be on your death bed

to get some sympathy from around here.

You might not get it then.

Oops!

Out, you miscreant!

Look, my bed!

My sheets!

My pillows!

What's wrong? What's wrong?

That unbathed ragamuffin

has violated the sanctity of my boudoir!

Okay, where is he? Did he get away?

What were you going to do, groom him to death?

You guys, what is going on?

Your friend was sleeping in my bed.

It's an outrage!

I told her not to come in your room.

Denise�

you better tell me everything you know about this girl.

I'm sorry. I don't know that much about Cougar.

"Cougar."

She probably got that name 'cause she was raised by a pack of 'em.

Quiet. People are trying to sleep here.

How could you go into Whitley's room after I specifically asked you not to?

You keep pulling stuff like this, you're gonna get kicked out of school.

No, I won't.

Oh, and why won't you?

Because I'm not in school.

What are you talking about?

I'm not enrolled at Hillman.

That's why I stopped going to Moseley's class.

He's about to find me out.

Are you serious?

No, this is a stand-up routine, Denise.

I thought I'd try it out on you right here in the library.

Why can't your parents help out?

They're kind of on a fixed income.

They're dead.

I'm sorry.

Hey, I hardly knew 'em.

Haven't had a roof over my head since I was 15.

Oh, wow. That must surely be tough.

Nah. You learn a lot sleeping under the stars.

It's kind of like night school.

You look up, you see the beginning of the universe.

I like to think of it as God on the job.

That's really beautiful.

Yeah. Well, anyway, I decided to learn more, so here I am.

Or at least, here I was.

Sorry I got you in trouble, kid.

You know, I think I'll check out Australia.

Get a tan. Lift a few with Crocodile Dundee.

Wait a minute, Cougar, you just can't leave!

G'day, mate.

And Allison told me, in physics class today,

Cougar gave an answer so amazing,

Professor Kleindorf was talking in German.

It took him 15 minutes to calm him down.

Lettie, it's scary.

This woman has a mind almost as fine as mine.

By the way, Denise, did I ever tell you

that I got a perfect score in math on my SATs?

Yes, Dwayne, you have. Often.

Dwayne, hit on Denise on your own time.

Where is this genius?

- Well, she is right outside. - Here we go.

What are you guys doing?

I'm freezing my derri�re off out there.

Did I mention she speaks three languages?

She dogged me in every one of them. Watch this.

I'm gonna say something. Spanish.

Oh, baby. Que linda, linda.

Dwayne. Italian.

Basta.

Cougar.

I'm Lettie.

These two, uh, characters think you should be enrolled at Hillman.

What do you think?

I know. You're offering me a football scholarship.

- She didn't mean that. - No, she's under a lot of pressure.

Well, let's just say,

I could pull a few strings if I had a mind to.

You mean it? For real?

I'm offering you a chance to be here legitimately.

Why?

Well, I always wanted to have a ring in my nose,

but I never had the guts.

Do me a favor. Pinch me, go on.

Ow!

But you've got to stop sleeping

in other people's beds, Goldilocks.

Oh, no problem. You got it.

There she is!

The guilty always return to the scene of the crime.

Cougar, I'll make an appointment with Dean Moseley

to talk about admitting you into Hillman.

Oh, that's just peachy.

Where are you going to get her transcripts from? The FBI?

So it can be either the North Pole or the South Pole?

Now you're getting the hang of it.

I am?

Yes, you are.

Now, leave.

Leticia!

How good to see you.

Charles, you're looking wonderful.

You've lost weight, haven't you?

Well, I've been jogging a little.

Where did you get that?

I spent a whole buck 50 on this.

It's nice.

You know Denise and Cougar.

Our drop-in student.

We'd like to discuss having her drop in permanently.

Oh, really? Where?

At Hillman.

Well, from what I hear, she's a perfect applicant.

A high school dropout whose extracurricular activities

include breaking and entering.

You're always grumpy when you're dieting.

Dean Moseley, give Cougar a chance. She really belongs here at Hillman.

You said yourself, that she reminds you of you at her age.

But of course, Charles, you were never her age, were you?

What you're asking means bending a lot of rules.

- That's highly unusual. - So is Cougar.

Charles, as I remember, you bent a few rules yourself

when you were 20, and I was, uh�

I never did any such thing.

Well, maybe not, but that night at the Harvest Moon Ball,

you would have liked to, wouldn't you?

You remember that?

One always remembers the opportunities one has missed.

Bend a few rules this time, Charles, you won't regret it.

- No, it's out of the question. - Charles.

This girl has an original mind, and she's not afraid to use it.

If you don't let her in,

you'll be doing Hillman and yourself a disservice.

Do I make myself clear?

You always have to get your own way, don't you?

It's not my way. It's the right way.

- All right. - Yes!

All right, anything else?

Yes. We also need a scholarship.

How about a car?

I'm just kidding.

- You know she'll have to take the SATs. - All right!

And do better than you did, Denise.

Thank you, Charles.

Next time you're out jogging, stop by.

Maybe I will.

Good night, ladies.

What a pushover.

- You're gonna breeze the SATs! - I'm not taking them. They're bogus!

I beg your pardon?

I'm� I'm not putting on a tutu and jumping through hoops

like Fifi the poodle, just to prove how smart I am. No.

You put on that dress.

And I jumped through a few hoops for your sake, young lady.

I'm sorry.

I� I appreciate it, but the whole thing is a mistake.

I'll say it was mine

for thinking you had the guts to go through with this.

You know what you are, Cougar?

You're a coward.

You help the girl, she gets you in trouble.

You stick your neck out, and she runs away.

Denise, if I were you, I'd be mad.

I am mad.

Wait a minute, you guys. Cougar could be a walk-in.

A what?

An evolved spirit from another galaxy

who walks into a body to guide humanity to a higher level.

Maggie, I hope you are real careful who you tell that stuff to.

The walk-in just walked in.

Can I talk to you a minute?

You're probably pretty upset with me.

She's mad.

Come on, we've got class.

Well, she is mad.

I don't blame you, okay?

I owe you a lot.

Not just me, Cougar.

You know, when I was nine years old,

I was the fastest runner in the world.

- What are you talking about? - I was.

Until somebody timed me.

For some strange reason,

that stopwatch makes me a lot slower.

Am I supposed to use deductive reasoning to figure this one out?

Lettie was right. I'm a big chicken!

Well, what are you afraid of?

Don't you get it? As long as I'm just dropping in,

I'm still the fastest runner in the world.

Cougar, listen to me. This is not a race.

Oh, come on. Sure it is.

- But I'm taking the test anyway. - What? All right!

I knew you'd say that. Look, if I flunk this test-

You're not gonna flunk the test! You're the fastest runner in the world.

- You know, you're starting to bug me. - Oh, yeah?

There's something that's been bugging me.

Where did you get this name "Cougar"?

I never told anyone this before.

My father named me Cougar

after the car he would have been able to buy

if I hadn't been born.

That's so sad.

Hey, it could have been a Volvo.

How's that?

It's still throbbing.

Oh.

Hey, you guys, Cougar did great on the SATs.

- Oh! - Way to go, Cougar.

Hey, did I tell you that I got a perfect score in math on my SATs?

We know, Dwayne.

Then it's official.

She gets the scholarship, she's in!

All right!

Hey, can she move into the dorm?

She'd be that much closer when you needed your homework done.

Oh, sure. Why don't we just build a cat box for her on the back porch?

Well, Whitley, we could always move that extra bed back into your room.

What?

Whitley! You're cured!

It's a miracle!

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