Original subtitles

? I know my parents love me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? Because I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? Here's our chance to make it ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it, we can take it ?

? Just remember you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

Excuse me.

How did this happen?

We were having a lip-syncing contest.

We needed a microphone.

You know, Stevie didn't leave to get married.

She left because you all are crazy,

and I was even crazier to fill in for her.

Ta-da!

The last two.

You guys are coming, aren't you?

"Watching history from a sidewalk caf�.

An afternoon with Lettie Bostic." Who's Lettie Bostic?

She's one of the great women of the 20th century.

Yes, she was the one who dropped out of Hillman

to go to Paris and dance on the tables with Picasso.

Well, keep her off of this table.

Get out! Get out of here!

I'm sorry! I didn't know anybody was in there!

Well, use your own bathroom!

I am sick and tired of every Tom, Dick, and Harry using our bathroom.

You better calm down, Whitley, you're going to crack your face.

Jaleesa, you are temporary resident director.

I wish you'd do something more than just reside.

I'm very sorry, Whitley, but he bribed me for a glimpse of you

in all your morning splendor.

Well, just remember that a society starts to unravel

when genders become blurred.

Unisex bathrooms led to the fall of Rome.

That's a fact.

I heard there was a man in the bathroom.

Was he cute?

"Unisex bathrooms led to the fall of Rome."

The girl's really unwrapped.

Look, Whitley is a sad, confused child, but she did have a good point.

Jaleesa, many other factors led to the fall of Rome.

I was talking about men in our bathrooms, Maggie.

What's the big deal? They're entitled.

You like walking in there, pimple cream all over your face,

just to hear, "Yo, baby, what's happening?"

Ron, if Da Vinci had seen this collection of fineness he would have said,

"Yo, Mona L, come here, please. Stop posing.

Clean these brushes or something."

It's like a painting by Manet, Lunch at The Pit.

You always go too far.

Now, imagine this in the morning handing you a towel.

Jaleesa, hold that pose. Don't move. Don't move. Let me do a quick study.

- Yeah. - What are you doing?

Brother Ron and I are in the fine arts class.

Art appreciation, and life drawing.

We're always looking for models.

Keep looking.

Oh, and since you're so interested in art, you should come hear Lettie Bostic speak.

- Lettie who? - Where you been, man?

She's the woman who left Hillman to walk on the wild side of Paree.

If you keep this up, I'm going to have to leave you home.

And then, in the fall of 1940, France was under Nazi occupation,

and the great Josephine Baker was performing in Lisbon

and spying on behalf of the Resistance.

Some friends persuaded me to use my American passport

to smuggle information back to Paris.

So, to escape notice, I posed as a music student.

But when the Gestapo spotted my huge cello case,

they� they pulled me off the train

and demanded that I open the case.

Much to their surprise,

inside the case was�

a cello.

I thought I was in the clear,

until the Gestapo captain, a music lover,

asked me to serenade him.

I didn't know how to play a note, but that didn't stop me.

I played them all.

And at the end of my impromptu concert

the captain began walking towards me,

applauding.

I sat there, frozen.

Staring straight into my eyes, he said,

"Mademoiselle�

good luck with your studies."

And handed me back my passport.

Excuse me. Where was all the secret info?

It was written on the sheet music

in invisible ink.

Go ahead, Mata Hari.

But enough of my boring stories.

Questions.

Madame Bostic, you knew so many historical figures,

Picasso, Hemingway, De Gaulle.

Did you ever meet the great Coco Chanel?

I never had the honor, but I do love her perfume.

I prefer Number 22.

My birthday is November 17th.

Did you ever meet Prince Matchabelli?

You're out of control, man, you're out of control.

Miss Bostic, ma'am, my colleague, Ron Johnson and I study art, and-

And we've observed that all the old masters,

Rubens, Titian, Rembrandt,

got to paint a lot of naked babes.

But, after the First World War,

all you saw was a lot of women who looked like clocks.

You see, women got liberated, went to work, and kept their clothes on.

Anyway, guys like Picasso, they started painting all these wacked-out shapes

because they couldn't find a woman to pose.

We call it "find-me-a-woman art."

It's a fascinating theory, but, uh, believe me,

Picasso didn't have any trouble finding him a babe,

naked or otherwise.

Well, I guess it's time to say au revoir to Miss Bostic.

Let's give her our thanks.

Well, thanks a bunch.

You come here, thrill these people.

You've ruined it for every professor on this campus.

- I'm sorry, Quentin. - You are not.

You're right.

I'm glad I came.

You know, I don't believe in regretting anything,

but if I did,

it would be that I didn't stay here and get my degree.

All the same, I imagine you're anxious to get back to New Mexico,

the cacti, the tumbleweeds, the Gila monsters.

- Did I mention the cacti? - Uh-huh.

The desert is magnificent, peaceful. I have all the time in the world.

It's boring the socks off of me.

Why don't you come back here and get that degree.

Oh, I'd love to, but my grades,

do they still frown on "incomplete"?

Well, we could give you credit for life experience.

Oh.

Of course, I need you to do something for me.

What?

We need a resident director at Gilbert.

This is blackmail.

Sure is.

Oh, Lettie, come on. You're great with these girls. They loved you.

Of course, for an hour behind the podium.

Believe me, if I were to live among them,

the love affair would be brief.

Excuse me. Ms. Bostic, would you sign my flyer?

Certainly.

You know, when you were giving your speech, I felt as though I were there,

even though it happened so long ago, before I was even born.

Not that you're old or anything like that.

I am old, and I'm not ashamed of it.

Now let's drop the subject.

Thank you.

How much did you pay that poor child to come in here like that?

$5,000, and if you stay, it will be worth every penny of it.

Quentin, I have no patience, and less tact.

And at this stage in my life, I'm not going to cultivate either.

These children don't want to live with me. I wouldn't have wanted to live with me.

- So you'll think it over? - Yes.

Oh, great. Hey, you guys, I got some amazing news.

Guess who our new dorm director's gonna be?

- New dorm director? - Yeah, Lettie Bostic.

- No. No. - Yes.

She said yes.

Well, it was nice of them to tell me.

I'm sure they would have told you eventually.

Yeah, and given me a gold watch.

Well, of course, Madam Bostic is a colorful lecturer,

but do we really want a woman who spent her nights carousing in caf�s,

dancing the hoochie-coochie with anything in a beret?

Definitely.

Well, I guess this dashes all hopes of us keeping men in their place�

downstairs.

Oh, she's here.

Lettie. Um�

On behalf of all of us, welcome home.

Thank you.

Gilbert Hall�

- I broke a lot of rules here. - You lived here?

No, it was a men's dorm.

My, my, my.

See what I mean? Party.

I beg your pardon?

You said yourself, "Don't wait for life to come after you. Go out and grab it."

Oh, yeah, go out and grab it all you want, but don't bring it back here.

- Especially after 12:00. - You're joking, right?

When I'm joking, you'll know.

Come, Madame, your room awaits you.

We're going to have to work on your French.

Quelle surprise.

I guess she's hoochied her last coochie.

Ladies, we all know

the natural look takes 45 minutes to achieve.

Now, if we allow men into the bathrooms,

they may suspect that that rosy glow was a gift with purchase.

Do you have a point?

The point is,

men should be banished entirely from the second floor!

Uh-uh. No way, no how.

We have enough rules around here.

Haven't we all used the bathroom in the men's dorm?

Not in this lifetime.

I agree with Whitley. Look, I'm tired of putting on makeup just to wash my face.

I see her point.

It's sexist to ban men from our bathrooms, especially the fine ones.

- I see her point, too. - Men have rights.

You'd do anything to get a date.

Excuse me, at least I get dates.

- If that's what you wanna call them. - Oh, please.

Ladies.

Ladies, a solution.

Keep men out of the bathroom in the morning

when you're struggling to create that natural look.

- I like it. - I hate it.

I don't need to look good in the morning, I need to at night.

- For who? - For anybody I want, fool.

In your dreams, shipwreck.

Get out of my face, peanut head.

Okay, how about a reversible sign for the bathroom door?

- Oh, that's good. - Oh, that'd be a big help.

If anybody forgets to turn it around, it will be Noah's Ark in there.

You're just evil, because no man would visit you

on this floor or any other floor.

That's a lie!

That's enough.

Oh, sure, squelch democracy in action.

I wouldn't exactly call this democracy.

Okay, since everybody's so eager to share,

why don't we just have open house and then serve refreshments?

Or you could just post a guard outside the door, maybe two.

You could even use a password.

Lettie, you're such a card.

Whitley! Whitley, you could be the first to stand watch,

tomorrow morning, 6:00 a.m.

Millie.

No, not Millie, though I'm sure she'd be glad to oblige.

My dear, I know there's a spine in there somewhere.

Lettie� �as much as we appreciate

the pith that you have brought to these proceedings,

could I get back to my point now?

And also hear yourself talk?

It seems you've had a life-long love affair with your own voice.

She read you like a book.

Cover to cover.

And it seems you two take the Mexican Chihuahua approach to debate.

You just yap at the ankles of whoever's speaking.

Lettie, on one hand, I see what Whitley and Allison are saying,

but Denise and Gloria-

Maggie, you have more hands than Shiva,

the Goddess of Indecision.

You know, Lettie, this is your first night in the dorm.

Maybe you should just let me handle this.

By all means.

If by any chance you should reach a decision, let me know.

Excuse me.

Lettie?

Look.

If you don't like the way I run a meeting, why don't you just tell me?

My dear, everyone has their own style. Obviously, yours is free-for-all.

Well, what am I supposed to do, get a bullhorn?

It might be more effective than standing by

while people call each other "peanut head."

Oh, so you think it's easy to run a dorm?

I know it hasn't been. I guess that's why I'm here.

Just in the nick of time.

Well, I've had a full day.

Good night.

Well, sweet dreams to you.

Do you believe the nerve of that woman? I mean, who does she think she is?

If she thinks she's going to be my dorm director, then she's sadly mistaken.

She's a continental pain in the patoot.

Indeed!

She'll be far worse than Jaleesa ever was.

Oh, I did not mean to say that.

Well, can't we give the woman a chance?

- No. - No.

You know, if she sticks around, it's gonna be bleak.

She told me I'm indecisive.

I'm not indecisive, am I?

You know, she thinks it's bad now,

but she ain't seen nothing yet.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Mm-hmm. Exactly.

She's gonna wish she was back in New Mexico with the coyotes.

- Have you seen the remote? - No.

- Then get up and turn it on. - Well, who died and left you boss?

- You're closer. - You need the exercise, Miss Thing.

Today's a perfect day to do laundry.

But it's such a nice day outside�

But you should never put off for tomorrow what you could do today.

But you should stop and smell the roses.

Well, good afternoon, Lettie.

Ladies, good afternoon.

Millie, may I have an "E," please?

Anything you say. I'm at your service. Your wish is my command.

Oh, I'm in excellent voice today.

But then again, I always am.

I just love the sound of my voice.

I love it, too.

- Since when do you like cheese corn? - Since I'm hungry!

Why don't you just tie the bag to your face?

Everybody, freeze!

You, stop that!

You, shut up! You, move!

Which way?

Bravo, ladies.

Who said vaudeville was dead?

Hi, guys.

She's not going to take a plane. She's gonna run all the way back to New Mexico.

We were terribly juvenile.

And it worked.

Jaleesa, if I must say so myself, your timing was perfect.

Oh, and Whitley, if I may say so, your singing was awful.

Thank you very much.

- What are you guys up to? - Oh, just a little vaudeville.

Just being ourselves.

Only more so.

Oh, I see, you think acting like fools is gonna get her to leave?

That's about it.

I can't believe you. So she was a little rough-

"A little rough"?

Okay, so, she was harsh, but, you know, maybe we deserved it.

Look, I'm glad Broom-Hilda's gone.

- And I propose a toast. - All right!

To our once and future dorm director, Jaleesa Vinson.

Here, catch!

I think that was a little too much spine.

Well, good evening, ladies.

I can't wait to hear the explanation for this.

- I, um� - Uh, Dean�

Girls, girls, there's no need to cover for me.

As you can see, Quentin, after all these years,

I still haven't lost my knuckleball.

Don't worry, Millie. There's no way you could've caught it.

Lettie, I'd love for you to show me that knuckleball of yours someday,

but not indoors.

I'll take care of the TV, but you're still buying dinner.

- Okay, seems fair. - Good night, ladies.

- Good night. - Good night.

Good night.

And don't give me that look.

What?

That "Oh, boy, you-really-did-it this-time, it's-all-your-fault,

'cause-you-planned the-whole-stupid-thing" look.

You're not the only one.

We helped.

That's for sure.

Yeah.

All I did was sing.

Lettie, hi.

Uh, may I speak to you, please?

Without your bullhorn, I hope.

I am really sorry.

That was all my fault.

The entire act was my idea.

- You have quite an imagination. - Yeah.

But if you wanted me to leave,

wouldn't it have been easier to just say so?

Well, I thought that would have been rude.

Oh, I see.

Um� Please.

I guess I resented you.

I liked being in charge. And I thought I was doing a good job,

and, well, the next thing I know, I'm out and you're in.

And it really wasn't fair to take it out on you.

But I bet that bullhorn felt good.

Yes, it did.

Lettie, we would really like for you to stay.

Who said I was going?

We were awful.

Yes.

But I was a bit of a bulldozer myself

- at that meeting. Hmm. - Mm-hmm.

But that's me.

I'm too old to change.

Luckily, you're not.

So does that mean you're going to stay?

If I can get you to show this much imagination in one day,

think what I can do in a semester.

Besides, you people make me laugh.

She's staying!

- Lettie, thanks for taking the rap for us. - Yeah.

I think, um, Whitley has something to give you.

All right, don't push me.

Lettie, we the occupants of Gilbert Hall feel that, because of your impromptu act-

Land your plane, my dear.

This will pay for the television.

We didn't feel you should have to pay for it yourself.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Thank you.

I didn't intend to.

I told you she wasn't going to pay for it.

Now, Lettie, about this bathroom question, I don't mean to harp, but-

You can't help it. It's in your nature.

Well, what are we going to do?

I've already taken care of it.

How are they supposed to help? Stand guard outside the door?

- Patience, my dear. - It's finished.

I think this is the best thing we've ever done.

It's also the first.

It's a reversible sign for the bathroom door.

- Uh-huh. - Behold.

Men�

Women!

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