Original subtitles

? I know my parents loved me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? Because I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? Here's a chance to make it ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it, we can take it ?

? Just remember you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

Mm-mm-mm!

She's just reading.

She's beautiful when she reads.

Why would a beautiful graduate student like that go out with a freshman?

You don't read the papers, do you? If you did, you would know about

the critical shortage of men in this country.

You've been staring at her for almost a week.

When are you going to make your move?

Do you know anything about cooking?

This is not some barbecue chicken you just throw on the fire.

Peggy is a gourmet babe.

I'm letting her simmer.

I'm going to need these.

Did I tell you?

I saw Carl yesterday with Kay McGhee.

Boy, he didn't wait one minute, did he?

Peggy, Carl is a jerk. All right?

Now there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Yeah. Sharks, barracudas, or guppies.

All right, come on. Let's go.

If there's two of us, it won't look like I'm hitting on her. Take these.

I want her to think my friends are smart.

Oh, Lord.

You know, Ron, the Hillman Biology Department has constructed

this highly intelligent, this highly fine robot called "The Ultimate Woman"?

You obviously must have been the prototype.

Truly.

- I'll just take the one book. - Okay.

I'm sorry. That was beneath me. It was beneath you.

The only way for me to make it up to you, is to take you over to Island Pete's

for some ham steak Hawaiian.

That won't be necessary.

Oh, no, this is low-sodium ham.

I'm Jewish.

Thanks. See you.

Shalom, Peggy.

Jaleesa, who was that guy?

"Rumor has it that the Hillman Biology Department

"has built a robot called 'The Ultimate Woman,'

and you must be the prototype."

- Oh, no, Dwayne Wayne. - Dwayne Wayne.

I didn't know I was dealing with a legend.

You know, it's possible Dwayne has hit on every woman in America.

And he's kinda like McDonald's, "Over 12 billion bothered."

I'm so tired of these fools.

No matter where you are, or what you're doing,

they have to hit on you.

You could be anywhere.

"Yo, baby, what you think of my man's sermon?"

Can you imagine if women came onto men like that?

"Ooh, my man,

"now, you wouldn't mind if I just watch you

walk across the floor, now, would you?"

How about this, "Baby, baby, mm, can all that fine hair be yours?"

"Yes, it is, darling. I have the receipt."

You know, I think most guys would like it if we came onto them.

Yeah, and I bet a lot of them wouldn't. Like your friend, Dwayne.

If a woman came onto him, you know what he'd say?

Yeah, well, he might not make that much sense.

Uh-huh. I think he'd say, "You bring the Champale,

I'll bring the cheesesteaks."

- He offered me ham steak Hawaiian. - What?

I'm insulted.

I'm telling you. If a woman came onto him, he'd run like a dog.

Bet on it.

Now that would be one of the all-time great bets.

Well, perhaps, a little tricky to pull off.

Not necessarily.

Someone could pretend to come onto Dwayne.

I'll do it.

- Are you kidding? - You will?

I'll invite that fool over and see what he does.

- You're not serious. - Okay, now, wait now.

Let's keep this simple.

Peggy comes onto Dwayne.

Will he respond, or will he run away? Bet on either proposition.

And from now on, just call me "Jaleesa the Greek."

You guys, I think this is wrong.

Wrong? Wrong?

Denise, we are talking about Dwayne Wayne of Dwayne-Wayne-Go-Away fame.

I know.

Hello, ladies.

Jaleesa.

Whitley, Millie, if a woman came onto Dwayne,

what do you think he'd do?

I think any woman that would come onto Dwayne

should be under a doctor's care.

Oh, Dwayne.

He's always undressing me with his eyes,

all four of them.

Peggy's going to seduce Dwayne.

Surely you're not that desperate.

Why, if you shed a few pounds, do something with your hair, I'm sure-

Whitley, it's a bet.

What are the odds?

Millie.

How you do?

Let the games begin.

Dwayne, the girl is not interested in you.

Ron, do you know anything about human nature?

Listen, girls respond when you act like you don't care.

Hi, Dwayne.

Peggy! Have a seat.

Thanks.

I hope I didn't seem rude in the library.

Rude? You? That's ridiculous.

- Isn't that ridiculous? - Ridiculous.

Well, I'm glad you feel that way,

because as soon as I left, I started thinking about all those things you said.

Uh-huh.

You know, you are very, very funny.

Really?

I love a man with a sense of humor.

- Ron, you like french fries, don't you? - Yeah.

- Good. Some more came out of the grease. - I'm not hungry.

Boogie over there and get some for me and Peggy.

You've got some money.

And don't forget the ketchup.

Now, where were we?

Ah, yes, I believe I had you on the floor.

Yes.

Denise, it is just an innocent little bet.

I think that Dwayne has a right to know about it.

Fine. It will make a great story for our 25th reunion.

Afternoon. Oh, Jaleesa, I'm glad I caught you.

I wanted to place a small wager on Dwayne.

Whitley, now, I would have thought you'd find gambling morally wrong.

Denise, I really don't think one teensy bet

is gonna make them sell my seat in heaven.

Heck no. So what's your action?

Five dollars on Dwayne to turn tail.

- Don't tell Millie. - Okay.

Good afternoon, Hill-women.

Now, you gotta admit that's kind of cute.

Make that ten.

Tell him and you die.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

They're cute. I like those two.

- I'm going to be late for class, Dwayne. - Oh, all right.

I guess I can tell you about my new girl anytime.

- New girl? - Oh, I think you'll like Peggy.

Peggy Harley?

We're dining at her place tomorrow night.

Dwayne, you really like her?

Denise, if there were a little sign over my heart,

it would say, "Ocupado."

You know, Dwayne, are you sure she really likes you?

She laughs at all my jokes.

Well, yeah, she's laughing,

but not for the right reasons.

I hate it when you're oblique.

Dwayne�

Peggy made a bet about what you would do if she came onto you.

What?

The whole dorm is in on it except me.

Denise, I love this.

You're making up some cockamamie story because you're jealous?

I am deeply touched.

You're deeply nuts.

Dwayne, I wouldn't lie to you.

I just don't want you to get hurt.

Okay, fine, don't admit you're jealous.

We both know the truth.

Excuse me.

Is Jaleesa still here?

She just left for class.

Oh, no. I wanted to place my bet.

Oh, well, I'll find her.

And don't tell Whitley.

So, how big is the pot?

? I've been a fool for you ?

? I've been a fool ?

Mm-mm-mm.

Dwayne. I think this is the longest you've ever stayed after gym class

without having to run some laps.

Oh, would you like to run some now, put them on the account?

No, thanks, Coach.

Uh-oh.

Who's the woman?

How'd you know it was a woman?

Well, in class, you were climbing ropes without wearing gloves.

Well, I'll tell you like this. I met her.

I made her laugh, and I thought it was the beginning of something.

Then I found out the whole thing was just a bet.

What kind of bet?

Let's just say it's a bet you'd expect guys to make.

Not that bet.

Coach, I'm gonna tell you something that� that may surprise you.

Uh�

I'm not as successful with the women as you might think.

I'm, uh�

I'm quite surprised to hear that.

See, the average cat walking around today, is basically sorry.

I mean, no, no, no� They look good. They smell nice.

But they got no rap. You know what I mean?

And the women, they get conditioned to this.

- Really? - Yeah!

So then, I come along and they say,

"Ooh! This brother's different. He's funny and smart."

But then their conditioning takes over. Start talking like�

"Hmm�

He'll just get bored with me."

They end up giving all the play to the rapless fellas.

Have you ever considered not having a rap?

You know, just talk to the woman like she's a regular person.

Is that your approach, just talking?

Well, yeah, you know, sometimes it actually works.

You're one of the rapless fellas, aren't you?

See, Dwayne, your rap is about to overtake you, man.

So just do yourself a favor.

Put this woman completely out your mind. Right now.

Yeah, I know, but it's hard, Coach. She laughed at all my jokes.

You're right.

She is history.

Right now, she's probably out with one of those rapless fellas.

Dwayne, you're welcome to use the ropes, as long as your hands hold out.

Here. My bet.

Millie, no checks.

It's from a local bank.

Then I suggest you go there and get some local cash.

Fine.

Jaleesa, I don't know about this.

Oh, great. Is your conscience suddenly bothering you, too?

No, I just can't decide which way to bet.

Well, what time are you heading over to Peggy's?

I'm never heading over to Peggy's.

And f you're my friend, from here on in, any mention of that name

will be in the context of serious dogging.

I don't believe this. Yesterday, you had the girl busting a gut.

Yesterday was yesterday. Today I found out that it was all a set-up.

This girl made a bet, just to see what I would do if she came onto me.

- No. - Yeah.

So how come you're not going?

You don't know anything about pride, do you?

Pride?

One of the finest women on this campus invited you over to her apartment.

- Apartment, man. - But, Ron�

Most of us are lucky if we meet a girl who doesn't have a roommate.

You got a homeowner.

I'm going to take it slow.

The girl was pretending to give me some play. Okay?

She might start out pretending,

but who says it has to end up that way?

Remember, you're Dwayne Wayne.

I never thought of it like that.

Think about it.

You're a man. She's a woman.

True.

A woman with an apartment.

I must have been bugging. I have to go.

All right!

And I'm going to wear my lucky rainbow sweater.

But not for long.

Now, Cliftine, you went out with Dwayne.

If a woman were to make advances in his direction,

how do you think he would respond?

This is very important.

Oh, I get it.

You dig Dwayne and you want to snag him.

And I thought I was being subtle.

So?

Hmm.

Ask Eunice Harps.

She went out with him for almost a week.

Okay. Thank you. Good luck.

Oh, I forgot your name.

Denise Huxtable.

Dwayne, you have on your lucky sweater.

You're going to Peggy's, aren't you?

Look, I am a man.

She is a woman.

She has an apartment.

Dwayne, you're incredible.

Whatever happened to self-respect and pride?

I think they're overrated.

What is this?

"Peggy Conversation"?

Denise�

Dwayne!

"Number one, start slow, make small talk."

- Ooh, very original. - Can I have my cards?

"Two, move on to humor. No knock-knock jokes."

Dwayne, you need serious help.

Fine. You're going to make me late.

Look, I think you're crazy for going through with this,

but why don't you pretend that I'm Peggy?

- Pretend you're Peggy? - Yes, you need the practice.

- Come on, let me hear this small talk. - Okay, okay, okay, small talk.

I walk in.

I scope her pad.

And I say something like, "Nice place."

Or maybe, "Lovely place."

Is "lovely" a word a man would use?

Lovely's fine.

Let's move on to humor.

Humor.

Okay.

Being as she lives in an apartment,

I figured I'd do something topical, like,

"Peggy, I like apartments, but I also like houses.

So I think I'll buy an apartment and put grass in the living room."

Well, maybe I'll use this ahead of the small talk.

No, Dwayne, don't use that at all. It's awful.

- You're right. - I have never seen you this nervous.

You know why I'm eating?

I am eating, so that my stomach won't rumble in front of her.

You know, Denise, there isn't just one Dwayne Wayne.

There's Dwayne the Smooth.

He's a love machine.

There's Dwayne the Athletic.

I'm deadly from the outside.

Then there's Dwayne the Shy.

His knees are knocking, and he may lose his lunch.

I wish I weren't so deep.

Dwayne, would you forget these cards? Just be yourself.

Yeah, whoever that is.

Dwayne, show Peggy the real you,

the one that I've gotten to know and like.

You like me?

Yes.

I can blow Peggy off anytime.

Come in.

Come on.

Did you get lost?

No, I got off the elevator and turned right just like you said.

I said turn left.

Left. Right. That's what I meant.

Well, I'm here.

- Can I get you something? - Yeah, do you have any soda?

Diet, naturally. Is that okay?

Fine. Just fine.

Just make yourself at home.

Yep, I will.

She said left, doofus!

Huh?

Nothing.

Come on, sweater. Come on, sweater.

Please, come on, sweater. Please, come on, sweater.

No, just be cool and be yourself.

You got it.

Got my cards here.

Come on. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Mm, that looks good.

I'm going to play some music.

Music.

Oh, I love the stuff.

Good.

Ooh�

You know, you have a lovely place.

Thank you.

It's nice, too.

Relax, I'm not going to bite.

Unless, of course, you'd like me to.

Not before I finish my soda.

You make me laugh.

And that makes me crazy.

And when I'm crazy�

I do some funny things.

Really? Can you juggle?

I can't do it.

No, practice. Juggling takes practice.

Dwayne�

listen to me.

The other day when I met you, I thought you were a real jerk.

Wow.

You sure you don't have me confused with somebody else?

Absolutely.

Anyway, I was mad at you, mad at men,

so�

a bunch of us made a bet

to see what you would do if a woman came onto you.

It was wrong. I'm sorry.

Hey, it's all right, okay?

I'll get over it.

It's just that I was really starting to dig you, you know?

Oh, Dwayne, I-

Dwayne, I feel terrible.

You do?

You feel terrible?

Not that terrible.

I'm sorry. That was cheap.

Listen, the ham steak Hawaiian offer still holds.

Well, admit one thing. You do think I'm funny, right?

- Yes. - Want to hear a knock-knock joke?

You know something, Peggy,

the betting crowd is going to want to hear something.

So?

Well, I was kind of wondering if I could, uh,

maybe spray some of your perfume on my sweater?

Let me think about it.

? I've been a fool for you ?

Yeah, uh, you do that.

? I've been a fool for you ?

All right, all right, I admit it.

The bet was wrong. It was sleazy, we shouldn't have done it. Okay?

Jaleesa, that is very big of you to admit.

Thanks.

And next time, I'm not keeping the money, so I can bet.

Where's Peggy?

You know, I don't know. She hasn't called me yet.

She backed out at the last minute, that's what I think.

I don't believe it.

I won! I won! I won! I-

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0