Original subtitles

? I know my parents love me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? Because I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? Here's a chance to make it ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it, we can take it ?

? Just remember you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? La-dee-dee, pa-ra-pa-pum-pum ?

? La-dee-dee� ?

Maggie, it is time for the little drummer boy

to pick up his tempo or move on.

Thank you.

Whitley has made a shocking revelation to me,

and only me.

Now brace yourselves.

Her parents are getting a divorce.

Oh, wow! I'm really sorry to hear that.

Me, too.

Could you pass me a popcorn chain, please?

Naturally, you're going to have to let Whitley put the angel

at the very tippy, tippy top of the tree.

No, see, I'm dorm monitor. I'm the oldest,

and I put the angel on top of the tree.

- I do not think so. - Yeah, Millie, I do.

- No, I don't- - Let go! Thank you.

Millie, it's Christmas, not a bargain sale at Filene's.

But, Whitley, you should be the one to put the angel

at the very tippy, tippy top of the tree.

Especially now.

Millie, I certainly hope you haven't been

making slush of everybody's white Christmas

with details of my broken home?

They made me tell.

Whitley, I'm really sorry to hear about your family.

Oh, it's sad, of course,

but Mama and Daddy haven't been connubial for quite some time now.

They just stayed together for my sake.

Oh, that is pretty sad.

I know.

The yule log in the Gilbert hearth will be a pile of dying embers this year.

Oh, well, hey, there's always room around the Huxtable hearth.

Well, sounds quaint, but Daddy and I have a date in Switzerland.

We're going skiing in St. Moritz.

Just the two of us.

Oh, hey, that sounds great.

You know, seeing me is about the only thing keeps my daddy going.

When it comes to divorce, Denise,

men are just like toasted marshmallows,

burnt on the outside,

and inside, just a gooey mess.

Okay, listen up, everybody. It's Secret Santa time.

So you pick a name out of the hat,

and, then, you give that person a present every day for a week.

- What if you don't like them? - Get over it.

Okay, now, you'll find out who your Secret Santa is

next week, Friday, at the Christmas party.

Guess what?

I got Jaleesa.

Really?

Well, I really got Millie, but I traded.

Denise, you will never guess who I got.

Maggie.

Yeah.

Yo, yo, yo! Merry Christmas.

Standing around holding herbs over your head,

looking like a fool.

You women are the Grinches of love.

? Pa, rum-pa-pum-pum ?

? Rum-pa-pum-pum, rum-pa-pum-pum ?

? Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra ?

? Ra-rum-pa-pum-pum ?

I'm so glad I got all my presents in October at the arts and crafts fair.

Yeah? Did you give your first present to Jaleesa?

This is it.

I can't wait to see her reaction.

- Jaleesa. - Yeah?

Uh, Santa dropped that off for you.

All right! Thank you, Santa.

I have always loved Christmas.

Ooh!

It's an owl.

Oh. Oh!

But it looks handmade.

Yeah, it� �certainly does.

Well, at least you didn't get

a ream of typing paper with a ribbon around it.

Yeah, I mean, but, Maggie, you're always borrowing my paper.

Right, so why do I need this?

Special delivery for Denise Huxtable.

What?

Denise, your Santa welcomes you

to the lifestyles of the rich and fine.

Oh, wow! This is great.

We have here orange juice, croissants,

grape jelly and peanut butter.

Chow down.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say this is from Dwayne.

Dwayne? He doesn't even live in the dorm.

He'd like to, though.

Arrivederci, y'all.

Now, that is what I call a gift.

I tried to be original, and what does she want?

Peanut butter and croissants.

? Deck the halls with boughs of holly ?

? Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la la ?

? 'Tis the season to be jolly ?

? Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la la ?

Hey, Slim.

Slim?

How would you like to cruise the campus in my convertible sleigh?

Just the two of us.

You have no sleigh, nor any other conveyance.

Chill, baby, that was a compliment.

I'll park the car, and then we'll surprise Whitley.

Hurry back, Merce.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

The name is Claus, but you can call me Santa.

- Monica. - Monica. That's lovely.

Monica, tell me something.

I left my list back at the North Pole.

Have you been naughty or have you been nice?

Very nice.

- Very nice? - Very nice.

Oof!

That's good, because there's a place I take those who have been very nice.

You like hoagies?

Hoagies?

You know, hoagies?

Daddy! Daddy!

I didn't expect you till later.

I thought I'd surprise you. Let me look at you.

I missed you, princess.

Excuse me, Mr. Gilbert. Dwayne Wayne, sir.

Allow me to say that with your two daughters,

you have an embarrassment of beauty.

This isn't my sister.

Who's this, Daddy?

Whitley, Mr. Wayne, this is Monica Walters,

one of our paralegal assistants.

Whoa-ho-ho.

Well, uh, Mr. Gilbert, Monica,

it's been a pleasure meeting you.

Mm�

Whitley, I've heard so much about you.

Your father talks about you all the time.

Oh.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same.

Daddy, it's not very gallant of you

to drag Monica all the way down here just to wave goodbye to us.

Well, as a matter of fact,

yesterday evening, I finally persuaded Monica to come with us.

With us where?

To Switzerland, dear.

Switzerland.

Really?

Oh, hi.

You must be Judge Gilbert. Hi, I'm Denise Huxtable.

I live right down the hall from Whitley.

Oh, you must be Whitley's sister.

I can assure you this is no sister of mine.

Denise, this is Monica Walters.

Oh, Monica.

Monica is going to Switzerland with us.

Isn't that a surprise?

Yeah.

Well, Whitley, I'll be in my room later if you want to stop by for popcorn.

Nice meeting you.

Merce, um, I'd love to go back to our room

and freshen up a bit before dinner.

Yes.

We'll expect you at the inn, seven o'clock sharp?

Be there with bells on.

That's my princess.

Box!

? I said Santa sent me Rudolph ?

? The reindeer of shiny nose ?

? But I'm bringing this gift to warm you ?

? From your head to your toes ?

? Say what ?

Ooh!

It must be a sweater.

Ooh, Santa's cooking now.

It's beautiful.

It's just what I always wanted. A fisherman's net.

Here you go, Denise.

Need me to wash anything else for you?

Oh, no, thank you. Thank you so much, Ron.

Your secret Santa sent him to do your laundry?

You lucky!

What is that smell?

Oh.

Santa told me to add a few drops of this cologne into the rinse cycle.

I hope you enjoy musk.

How's my princess today?

You look tired.

Maybe there's a pea beneath my mattress.

Princess, I apologize for surprising you with Monica.

I just didn't know how else to tell you.

So you just thought you'd bring her up here

and let her youth and beauty work their magic.

I know her age must be startling to you.

Well, forgive me, Daddy, but how would you feel

if I popped up one Christmas with Rip Van Winkle on my arm?

I can't just leave her behind. I have a commitment.

Well, what about your commitment to me?

I'm your daughter.

It's Christmas. This was our time!

I'm sorry, princess.

Well, if you think I'm going to sit up in the Alps,

clinking cocoa mugs with that woman, you are deluding yourself.

So send me a postcard from Switzerland,

if you find the time.

Whitley!

I just figured this out.

Whitley Gilbert cannot stand to see a man have a good time,

even if it is her own father.

That woman is a killjoy.

Dwayne! If my father did something like that,

firstly, my mother wouldn't let him live,

but if he did, I'd be a killjoy, too.

Denise, did you see the man?

That is one happy old dude!

It's the same old, same old.

He's just an old rooster having his last cock-a-doodle-doo.

You women are sexist.

Just because Monica is young and very, very fine,

doesn't mean the old geezer can't appreciate her mind.

I don't know.

Just look at my grandparents, they've been married for 50 years, and still in love.

Denise, I just want you to know that

if you were my wife, I would never leave you, ever.

Even if your body went south on you.

Hello, Mother?

It's me. How are you?

Oh, well, I'm just filled with the Christmas spirit.

So, Mama, listen, I was just thinking,

wouldn't it be fun if we spent the holidays together?

Just you and me.

A grapefruit juice spa in Florida?

Oh, well, I can talk to you on Christmas.

"Not allowed to receive phone calls."

I see.

Well, Merry Christmas to you in advance then.

I really have to go now, Mama. I have a class.

Yeah.

And, Mama�

have a happy New Year.

In advance.

Whitley, it was a struggle,

but I got the last seven fruitcakes they had.

I thought I told you to get authentic English fruit cake!

Not the kind with Big Ben on the front

and "Made in New Jersey" on the back!

I'm sorry, Whitley.

You, indeed, are sorry.

Now go get me some tape. Make sure it's transparent.

Okay.

? Have yourself a merry little Christmas ?

? Let your heart be light ?

? From now on ?

? Our troubles ?

? Will be out of sight ?

Whitley, I�

I suppose you want some tape?

Uh, no, I wanted to borrow some ribbon.

You know, I eat when I get upset, too.

Then I'd keep my spirits up if I were you.

Look, I just want to tell you

I think that you're handling this really well.

Denise, Monica is a peach of a girl.

We're going to have a ball in St. Moritz.

Oh. Okay, if you say so.

Denise, I do not want to go skiing with that woman.

I want to send her down a tall glacier in a dinghy.

Know what she calls him?

Um�

Merce!

Not Mercer. "Merce."

And I suppose if he gives her a big enough piece of jewelry,

she'll find it in her heart to remember the last syllable of his name.

Pigs will fly before I get on a plane with that slice of cheesecake.

Well, Whitley, I don't think it was fair of your father

to spring her on you like this, either.

But, come on, you didn't expect him to stay alone forever, did you?

No�

just for now.

I mean, it's Christmas.

I just want to spend it alone with my daddy.

Oh, well, hey, he wants to spend it with you.

Just not so alone.

I'm sure he'll miss you if you don't go.

You know, Denise, it's a little-known fact,

but when I was in the fourth grade,

I had to wear corrective shoes.

I was afraid to leave the house,

'cause I didn't want everybody calling me "spinster feet."

One afternoon, my daddy came into my room with this package.

He hands it to me and he says, "Princess, your magic slippers."

I tore that box open, and, Denise�

it was the prettiest pair of orthopedic shoes he could find.

When I saw those shoes, I just bawled and bawled.

My daddy's face just fell.

If I had those shoes now�

I'd wear them.

Whitley, your daddy loves you or he wouldn't have come.

You know, Denise,

when you get upset again�

don't eat fruitcake.

It just sits in your belly like a lump of lead.

Let's try these.

In a few moments, Kris Kringle and I will take up

the Yuletide For Youngsters charity collection.

So if you forgot to bring your toy, you can use this opportunity to leave

before refreshments are served.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Guys, now is the time we get to find out who our Secret Santas were.

Oh, really? Can't wait to meet the fool who gave me the fisherman's net.

It was a macram� plant holder.

It was ugly, coyote ugly.

Jaleesa, Maggie, I'd like you to meet your Secret Santas.

Incredible, isn't it?

Thank you. Merry Christmas.

Hello, princess.

Good evening, Daddy, Monica.

Whitley, this is for you.

Monica spent all day shopping for it.

Shouldn't have.

Well, thank you, Monica.

I'll wear this to death.

Now, if you will excuse me�

Maybe you should go talk to her.

Ooh.

Thank you.

Whitley, we need to talk.

Oh, I'm real busy right now. I'm sorry.

Mrs. Santa's work is never done.

Whitley, I know these haven't been the easiest three days of your life,

but I'd like us to be friends.

Did we take a few too many trips to the eggnog bowl?

Whitley, maybe I shouldn't have come here�

Said that right.

But I'm here.

And you're here.

And your father loves the both of us.

Don't flatter yourself.

Whitley, in all the time you spent pouting,

did it ever occur to you that your father is happy?

Now you may not like me,

but you don't have to punish him for that.

And if you want to sit around here being evil, go right ahead, girl,

because with or without you, this train is moving on.

It is I, Santa baby.

Dwayne, I knew it was you.

Oh, the peanut butter made me suspicious, but that musk�

I was on my game, wasn't I?

It was sweet.

Hey, no kiss?

Dag. No wonder Santa comes once a year.

Whitley�

Whitley, I've heard of you rich girls turning klepto, but this is pitiful.

- Oh, hush up, Dwayne. - "Oh, hush up, Dwayne!"

It's a nice belt, Whitley.

You wear it well.

Thanks, Denise.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, and have a lovely time in Queens.

Brooklyn.

Well, I don't know about you two,

but I'm ready to go shushing down those slopes.

Thanks, princess.

Merry Christmas, Whitley.

Merry Christmas, Monica.

You too, Daddy.

? Have yourself ?

? A merry little Christmas ?

? Now ?

Hey, Whitley.

As they say in St. Moritz, "Au revoir, Denise."

- Oh, you're all ready to go? - You bet.

I can't wait to hit that powder.

I'll send you a postcard.

Oh, thanks. You know, it's great that you're doing this.

Well, you know, Denise, I gave it considerable thought, and finally, I said,

"Whitley Gilbert, maybe your daddy is happy with Monica."

Are you just going to sit around pouting?"

And the answer was a resounding "no!"

Well, I've got to hand it to you, you've got guts.

Besides, Monica doesn't know a thing about skiing.

Come on, princess, we're late.

Merry Christmas, Denise.

Merry Christmas, Whitley.

Monica, when we get there,

I'm gonna take you to my favorite slope,

Satan's Staircase.

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