Original subtitles

? I know my parents love me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? Because I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? Here's a chance to make it ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it, we can take it ?

? Just remember you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

Yo! Dwayne Wayne here.

Dwayne, what are you doing in here?

Surprised you, didn't I?

This is WHZU, the Voice of Hillman.

And I'm Dwayne Wayne,

sitting in for Marvin Haven, the Music Maven

who's sidelined with a nasty infection of the throat.

Marvin, take care of yourself, man.

Grab a long, cold shower, and then run outside naked.

Oh, Marvin, don't do it, please.

No, seriously man, I'm really grateful for the break.

And now,

a very special song for a girl I think is in the key of gorgeous.

She lives in Gilbert Hall,

Room 20Y.

Top bunk.

You know who you are.

I can't believe him, telling the whole school where I sleep!

You better be glad he doesn't know what you look like in the morning.

I just had the most amazing dream.

What?

I dreamt I was�

living in this big white house

on this cliff overlooking the ocean.

And�

I'd just finished my second article for Smithsonian Magazine.

I'd given the twins their dinner�

�and I was standing on the deck looking at the ocean,

and I knew that, any moment,

someone I loved would come through the door.

Ooh, Mike?

No, it wasn't Mike.

It was Dwayne.

And he said, "Yo, everybody."

Maggie, Dwayne was on the radio this morning.

Personally, I would rather listen to the emergency broadcast signal.

Hey, Maggie, is Mike coming down this weekend?

Oh, I'm not sure.

Come on, Maggie, tell the truth.

There is no Mike.

This picture came with the frame, right?

He says he's got a lot of midterms and papers this weekend.

He's gonna be a great lawyer someday.

Hey, it's Friday!

I'm so happy. I have the afternoon off.

No, you don't.

Last Friday in the month. Debate club, remember?

Maggie, why did you make me sign up for the thing?

You wanted to enhance your r�sum�,

develop your powers of self-expression.

And you know you needed the credit.

I knew there was a reason.

It's Whitley's turn to make a motion.

I can't wait to hear what it is.

Really?

Wake up with Dwayne.

Go listen to Whitley.

Certainly my perfect day.

Whitley.

Whitley. Whitley.

Whitley, I'm running out of room for all your catalogues.

But, Stevie, the holidays are just around the corner.

And somewhere in here is a cheese plate with your name on it.

Oh, thanks, Whitley. But you don't have to do that.

Oh. Okay.

Oh! No autographs. No autographs. No autographs.

Oh! It's Dwayne Wayne, live.

Stop that.

So, Dwayne, that was you I switched off this morning.

Whitley, let me tell you something.

You can switch me off. And it hurts me, it does,

because I feel that all my listeners are precious.

But that's cool.

Because, one day soon,

Dwayne Wayne will rule the airwaves,

and I, in turn, will talk about you like a dog.

Dwayne, did we sit a little too close to the woofers this morning?

Uh-huh.

Hey, Dwayne. I heard your radio show this morning. You were pretty good.

- Really? - Yeah.

And you really, really liked it?

Yeah.

Like a dog!

No letter, no phone call. I guess he's not coming.

Maybe something came up. Maybe he's coming next weekend.

The winds of absence are blowing on the flames of your love.

Will they rekindle it,

or snuff it out?

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

That's quite all right, Professor Lawrence.

I'm sure we can forgive a road warrior such as yourself

for tardiness.

Okay.

Before we get to this week's motion,

give yourselves a round of applause for the last debate.

Yeah, Allison.

You know, I think some of you people were born to argue.

But when it comes to technique,

you are sorry.

Millie.

Would you come here, please? Millie?

Go on.

Now, Millie, you make fine points.

You know your arguments.

But no one is gonna hear them if you deliver them like this.

I was looking at my notes.

Did you write them on your shoes?

If I've told her once, I've told her 1,000 times.

Which brings me to you, Whitley.

You know, I admire the emotion,

the passion you bring to your arguments.

I think that's great.

But clinging to the podium�

�and pretending to have a breakdown�

�it's overkill.

Well, can I help it if I've been moved by my words?

And Allison�

- Hi. - Hi.

Let me ask you something.

What is this?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Now, your body can be your tool.

It can help you to punctuate your statements.

But you are not a snake charmer.

If you continue to do this,

then you are gonna hurt yourself.

Yes, Whitley?

Professor, much as we are riveted to these uncomfortable folding chairs

by your helpful hints�

�may I introduce my motion now?

Of course.

Shut up.

Resolved

that if a woman choose both family and career,

one must suffer.

What? Ha!

Whitley worked all week on this.

Excuse me.

Uh, Denise, if you care to be more articulate, please?

It's stupid.

- Thank you. - It is.

It's ridiculous, and it's unfair.

A woman can do anything a man can do.

Well, maybe in your family.

There's no debating this.

Oh, no, no, Maggie, I disagree.

If you guys are any indication, this is a hot topic.

I think you'd be perfect to argue the negative.

I accept. And so does Denise as reserve speaker.

What?

Okay.

Maggie, I welcome the challenge from such a worthy opponent.

We're going to kick her butt.

? All over the world ?

? All over the world ?

? People are dancing ?

Maggie, you are going to kill her. You are going to kill her.

Check this out.

Ten million women

bought Whitley's dumb idea and gave up their careers?

So when their marriages broke up, they had zip, zilch, nada.

Oh, Jaleesa, this is great. Where did you get this?

The New York Times.

And my life.

But, you worked when you were married.

Well, it was either that,

or stay home and reheat pot pies.

I wonder what Whitley's idea of a perfect marriage is?

Separate bedrooms but joint accounts.

Everything would have flowers on it, even the kids.

No, no, no, no, the children would be made of chintz.

- Allison, Gloria. - Hey.

How does this sound for the title of my new radio show?

"Play it again, Dwayne Wayne."

Well, it's corny, but stupid.

I like Marvin.

Marvin? What is this Marvin guy?

Who is he, Mr. Radio or something? Give me a break.

Hi, Marvin.

Marvin!

Mr. Radio.

We were just talking about you, man.

What's happening-ing-ing, baby face?

Hey, nothing much. How's the throat? Feeling any better?

Yeah, man. That cold shower did the trick.

Maven is buh, buh-buh, buh-buh back.

Now, Maven� Should I call you "Maven"?

You really shouldn't rush these things.

I'm only looking out for your future.

Can I get one more shot, please?

Hey, man, come up with your own show.

They always looking for someone to cover those campus events.

- Is that how you got started? - No

I waited for someone to get sick.

Okay, so this is it.

"A woman can balance both, work and family,

if she and her partner have respect for each other's goals."

- Mm. - That's a good argument.

Guys, do you realize

Dwayne has been sitting here for five seconds

and has not said a word?

Dwayne, what's wrong? You look upset.

Is something wrong with your show?

Oh, no, nothing's wrong with the show.

I'll just be on at a different time tomorrow�

Never.

- Oh� Dwayne. - No, it's all right.

He said he's gonna put me back on

as soon as I can find some stupid campus event.

Got any ideas?

Well, not now. We're trying to help Maggie with her debate.

- Oh, sure. So, forget my problem. - Come on, now, Dwayne.

The whole school wants to see Maggie beat the pants off of Whitley.

Jaleesa, I could care less about some stupid camp-

Wait a minute.

"Dwayne Wayne presents�

That's Debatable."

- I like it. I like it. - Starring you.

I love it.

I can feel it. The kid is back.

Oh, dag. That's good.

Oh, my God.

I amaze myself, too. Ain't that something?

I don't believe it!

What are you doing here? You didn't phone. You didn't write.

I wanted to surprise you.

You did.

This is Mike.

Hi, Mike.

Hi.

These ae my roommates, Jaleesa and Denise.

It was a real picture.

Hey-o, Mike-a.

Dwayne Wayne. Mike, look at me.

Dwayne Wayne, baby, radio producer.

You are such a lousy liar.

Would you tell me what's going on?

You are amazing, you know that?

So?

I got a job.

You got a job?

What about law school?

Law school can wait.

This was too good to pass up.

Well, what� what's the job?

It's, um�

a public relations�

type job.

It's� It's in Washington. So it could really lead somewhere.

But what's the job?

Actually, it's with the National Pork Board.

You're going to give up being a lawyer

so you could persuade people to eat more pork?

That's not all we do.

We're actually very deeply committed to the fight against heart disease.

Maggie.

Come on.

This could be a great opportunity for us.

For "us"?

I want you to come with me.

And leave school?

You can go to school in Washington.

But I just transferred here. I'm really happy here.

It'll be really hard to find a journalism program this good

in a school this size.

It'll be tough at first, but it will all work out.

I can't just pick up and leave because you got some pork job.

Maggie, I'm doing this all wrong.

What I should have said was

I love you very much, and I want you to marry me.

Hey. Hey, how'd it go with Mike last night?

Oh, I just� I just ran ten miles.

I got winded after seven, but I caught a second wind.

Avoiding the question. Running like a fool.

I'd say something's up.

Nothing's up.

Mike wants us to get married.

What?

Married, like my parents married?

It's not such a bad thing.

I love him, he loves me.

So, Maggie, what did you say? Did you say yes?

Are you kidding?

He pops in here, tells me he's got some job with the Pork Board,

expects me to pick up and follow him to Washington. I mean, really!

Who does this guy think he is that he can run your life?

Tell the man, "No way."

Yeah, but if I say that, what if I lose him forever?

And what if he's the one for me?

Washington's a great city, Maggie.

What about her education? What about her career?

Yeah, what about that?

They have jobs.

They have schools in Washington.

That's true. I�

I could transfer to Georgetown,

I could get a job at the State Department�

I could have lunch by the Reflecting Pool.

Oh, yeah. That's a good reason to get married.

Why did he have to do this to me?

I was so crazy about him, then he has to ask me to marry him.

Oh, yeah, what a brute.

He's so sweet and smart and caring.

And he's so selfish and stubborn and so damned organized!

I better run another five miles.

Okay, everybody.

Marvin Haven the Music Maven is back on the track.

And if you're just tuning in,

my friend, forget what you heard yesterday�

�I've been resurrected.

But thanks anyway for the eulogy, Dwayne.

Well, I'm about to rock the spot with a definite sure shot,

but first,

this special announcement.

From the Campus Affairs Department of WHZU,

a special program.

"That's Debatable."

Complete coverage of tonight's debate between Whitley Gilbert

and Maggie Lauten.

Produced by Dwayne Wayne.

Written by Dwayne Wayne.

Your host, Dwayne Wayne.

Featuring in-depth interviews with the debate stars.

Miss Gilbert, popular sympathy is with the other side.

Mine is up for grabs. Any comments?

In the immortal words of the great pugilist Muhammed Ali,

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."

Tonight at 8:00, the great debate.

And now, back to the groove that will make you move!

Maggie, just go over all your notes in your head.

Mentally picture all the information you have to draw on.

Okay. Now, if that fails,

mentally picture Whitley bleaching her mustache.

Hi, Mike.

Bye, Mike.

You ready for the debate?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Look,

I know you got a lot on your mind�

Mm. I had to memorize a lot of facts for this debate.

- The statistics of unwed mothers alone� - No, that's not exactly what I meant.

Oh, that. Well�

Um�

I ran this morning and I plan to run again tomorrow.

You know that's how I think about things, when I run.

So?

What did you think?

I thought�

that I would really like to say "yes�"

Or "no�"

Or some answer like that.

Well, I� I don't want to pressure you,

but I found an apartment.

It's got a great view of the Potomac. It's a brownstone, so we could fix it up.

And the bedroom is great.

It's got a fireplace.

It sounds really nice.

I put a deposit on it.

You what?

It's walking distance from the Pork Board.

I can't believe that you would put money down on an apartment

when you� you have no idea of what� what I want to do.

And I have no idea what I want to do.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I thought this was good news.

I can't talk about this right now.

Don't worry.

From my experience,

real estate ventures are always emotional.

Why? Why?

Why should women strive to be poor imitations

of the sons of Adam?

Women were placed here on this Earth

to remind man of his nobler self through the arts,

poetry, song, dance, and needlework.

Finally, I submit

that the maternal instinct disqualifies us

from ever finding true fulfillment in the workplace.

What?

Let me paint a picture for you.

A female air traffic controller and mother

is watching two green blobs racing towards each other.

Suddenly, there's a phone call.

It's little Timmy.

His Tonka truck is broken, and he's crying his little eyes out.

Well� �I would not care to be sipping complimentary champagne

on one of those doomed green blobs.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Millie. Millie. Cool it.

The Chair now calls upon Miss Maggie Lauten

opposing the motion.

Fellow students and faculty, good evening.

My opponent moves,

"If a woman choose, both family and career,

one must suffer."

"Why? Why? Why?"

She stole that.

My opponent's whole case rests on a false premise.

The natural dominance of the male.

I have encouraging news.

In a recent Hillman Chronicle poll,

81% of the male respondents

said they wanted to marry a professional woman.

75% of these men

said they would consider making personal sacrifices

for the sake of their mates' careers.

This means that guys are beginning to realize that

an apartment on the Potomac,

even a stone's throw from the Pork Board just isn't enough.

I mean, the fireplace sounds great,

but there has to be room for what I want, too!

I hope you understand and reject the motion.

Okay, let's move on to rebuttals.

Miss Gilbert?

I would like to leave you with this one thought�

There is a reason why men and women were created different�

and, with our French friends, I exclaim�

hooray for the dif-france!

Rebuttal, Miss Lauten?

Do you want me to do it?

I can't.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a reserve speaker for the rebuttal,

Miss Denise Huxtable.

Go ahead, Denise. Go ahead.

Hi.

Over 50% of all married women in this country work,

and the divorce rate is not going up.

Now, what does that tell you?

It tells me that people are managing

to balance their careers and family.

Look, all I know is both my parents work,

and they've been married for a long time.

My mom helped my dad get through medical school.

My dad helped my mom get through law school.

Not that there weren't compromises along the way,

'cause there definitely were.

My dad had to take up cooking�

we had to take up eating his food.

I guess what they proved is�

just because you love somebody, it doesn't mean you have to give up what you want

so they can get what they want.

The idea is compromise, not sacrifice.

One person,

or as my opponent would have it,

half the human race,

should not have to give up their ambitions or their aspirations

just so the other person can get theirs.

I mean, maybe my opponent can accept that, but I can't.

That's all I have to say. Thank you.

All right. Yay!

Thank you, Denise.

All those in favor say, "Aye."

Aye.

All those opposed say, "Nay."

Nay!

Motion defeated.

All right! Yes!

- Yes! - That's my girl!

But you got up there in front of all those people,

you made your points�

I was impressed. You were pretty good.

I was, wasn't I?

How'd I do it?

I don't know, but what's more important is you beat Whitley.

I will sleep well tonight.

Hey, what time is it?

11:56.

Ooh, you think Mike and Maggie are still talking about compromise versus sacrifice?

I don't know, but if she's not back before curfew,

she will be discussing compromise versus sacrifice

with Stevie.

11:56. Made it.

Ooh, we thought you and Mike were on your way to Washington by now.

We had a really great talk,

and we decided that we didn't need to rush things.

Oh, Maggie, I'm so glad!

Really, me, too. Living alone with Denise would be frightening.

We also decided, because of what you did,

we're going to name our firstborn "Denise."

Oh� �Maggie, that's sweet.

But, Maggie, wait a minute. What if it's a boy?

We'll name him "Jaleesa."

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