Original subtitles

? I know my parents love me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? Because I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? Here's a chance to make it ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it, we can take it ?

? Just remember you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

Oh, my God.

Looks like you girls had a party last night,

and the ants are having one this morning.

Let me help you.

Oh, four words I thought I'd never hear. Thank you, Jaleesa.

It's okay. No problem.

I was wondering where Denise's trash went to die.

Hi, guys.

Denise, that's some strong perfume.

Mm. Does it come in a drum?

You should know. It's your perfume.

Hey, I'd love to help you guys out, but I can't be late for biology.

Oh, what's his name?

Michael Oku.

He's sweet and funny and thoughtful.

- He's good with children. - And she's never met him.

Yeah, but I plan to accidentally bump into him after class.

See you later.

Well, you better buy me some more perfume on your way back!

What is that foul odor?

It smells like a cross between stale pizza

and domestic perfume.

Good morning, Whitley.

Morning, Stevie.

Let me help you with that.

I just can't abide trash.

Neither can I.

Stevie, I hate to bring this up,

but you still have neglected to select a dorm monitor.

Although, I know you must be having a dickens of a time

trying to raise an unruly child the best way you know how.

I appreciate your concern.

Who do you have in mind?

Well,

you, as resident director, could appoint a qualified individual,

and I would do anything for Gilbert Hall.

Well, as much as I appreciate your willingness

to disregard the democratic process,

we will have an election tonight at the dorm meeting.

- An election. - Uh-huh.

Really?

Well, I really am late for class.

Denise!

Your perfume, I could smell it all the way over by the jukebox.

It's like somebody opened up a box of those little cardboard trees

that they put in cars to make them smell good.

Thanks, Dwayne. That the kind of compliment that stays with me all day.

- Hi, girls. - Hey.

So? Did you accidentally bump into Michael today,

or did your perfume knock him over?

He had the nerve to cut class.

Oh, Denise, why don't you just call him?

Are you crazy? I don't even know him!

Well, it's easy. You just say, "Hi, I'm Denise.

Would you like to go out sometime?"

Oh, and have you done this, Maggie?

No. But I've thought about it a lot.

Okay.

Denise, guys call girls they don't know all the time.

It's no big thing. I called a guy once.

- Yeah? So what happened? - I married him.

You see?

But, then again, you're divorced now.

But I'm sure that isn't because you called first.

I don't want him to think that I'm running after him.

But you are.

Yes, but I don't want him to know this.

Denise, what's the worst thing he could say?

Oh. Uh, "Why are you calling me? Leave me alone. Buzz off, drippo."

All the things we say to Dwayne.

Look, Denise, maybe the guy's shy.

Maybe he thinks you already have a boyfriend.

That's it. He's probably sitting at home all by himself.

All right. I'll call him.

Then again, maybe he has a girlfriend.

Denise, you will never know unless you try.

You're right. All right.

And even if you fail, at least you've tried.

J.T., you're such a little sugarplum for helping me.

What's this?

My name is Whitley, not Mhitley.

Don't you know the difference between your "M"s and your "W"s?

No.

Hello, ladies.

Don't forget, tonight's election night.

We know. We got your chocolates.

I didn't get any.

Oh, hush up.

Oh, you know, I've got a sick feeling

that Whitley's the only person running for dorm monitor.

Well, she is arrogant, pushy, selfish, and ruthless,

but do those qualities necessarily make a bad leader?

Yes. Maggie, come on.

I mean, do you want this girl making sure we're in on time?

Planning our parties? Picking our movies?

Oh, no!

She thinks they should colorize Casablanca.

All right. I'll do it. I will run. I will run.

I owe it to the dorm.

But, I'm already in five clubs,

and I'm president of the Classical Tragedy Society,

but I'll do it. I will run.

Maggie, you're crazy. You can't do all that.

Whitley just gave me this praline.

Do you think it's safe to eat it?

Jaleesa!

I have always seen you as a born leader.

Oh, with great taste in movies.

Whatever it is, no.

But Whitley must be stopped.

And the only way for you to stop her is if you run against her for dorm monitor.

Oh, no. Not this girl.

Oh, come on, Jaleesa. She's gonna make our lives miserable.

- The fate of the dorm lies in your hands. - Since when?

Since no one else wants the job.

I can see why.

I mean, dorm monitor is just another word for "dorm snitch."

And I do not want to be the one who busts people for missing curfew.

Jaleesa, come on.

Think of the common good.

Did Brutus jump for joy when they asked him to stab Caesar?

No. He was freaked out, but he did it.

Look, these guys hardly know me. They are not gonna vote for me.

I'll lose. And what's worse, I will lose to Whitley.

Jaleesa, don't worry. This is an election, not a popularity contest.

That's very comforting, Maggie, but the answer is still no.

Can this be

the same person who, just this afternoon, said to me�

"You'll never know unless you try"?

"Take a risk, make that call"?

And did you take my advice?

Not yet, but it's still good advice.

Oh, come on, Denise.

Yoo-hoo!

I just thought I'd offer y'all a victory praline.

You haven't won yet.

These have pecans and these have walnuts.

Walnuts?

Jaleesa is thinking of running, too.

Excuse me. What is so funny?

Why, I'm just charmed by your boundless optimism.

Well, may the best woman win.

Hmm.

I will show her what she can do with her pralines.

You mean you're gonna run?

Just call me Brutus.

All right! Yes!

Jaleesa, girl.

And as dorm monitor, I promise to do my best

to make Gilbert Hall a safe place for genteel living.

And in conclusion, my friends�

may I say, sisters�

to paraphrase that immortal song,

"There is no mountain high enough.

"There is no valley low enough.

"Nothing can keep me�

Keep me from doing my job."

Thank you, Whitley.

Are there any other candidates?

Brutus!

Yeah! My roommate, Jaleesa Vinson.

Unlike myself, this girl's got the requisite 2.7 average.

She's mature, smart, level-headed, responsible,

and she's been around longer than any of us.

Much longer!

Thanks, Maggie, but, uh, I'll speak for myself.

Um�

I'm sure you guys are all pretty tired of speeches,

so why don't we just go to questions and answers.

You give me a problem, and I'll give you a solution.

People around here take too long in the shower.

What are you gonna do about it?

Well, um, let's say we get a timer.

And anyone who spends more than ten minutes in the shower,

gets their towel and bathrobe thrown in with them.

That is ridiculous, not to mention uncivilized.

Oh, what's the matter, Whitley?

Afraid you're never gonna have a dry towel again, sugar?

Must we stoop to cattiness and gossip?

- Ooh. - Wait a minute. Whitley's right.

So, every time anybody talks behind someone else's back,

they'll get fined 25 cents.

And at the end of the semester, we can use the money to have a party!

Please! Please! Please!

I'm so embarrassed by your enthusiasm.

Dwayne, dorm meeting. Door.

Dig.

While we're on the subject of pests,

let's address this ant problem. Okay?

Now, this morning, the lobby looked like a dump.

- Now, do we want to live in a dump? - No!

- Okay, then let's keep Gilbert clean. - Yeah!

- And mean! - Yeah!

And pristine!

Yeah!

Now,

anyone who leaves garbage in the common area is a pig.

Pig!

And I say they should have to wear a pig nose for a day.

Pig nose! Pig nose! Pig nose!

That's it for the speeches.

Now, we will vote by a show of hands.

All those for Whitley?

All those for Jaleesa?

Jaleesa wins.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Are you going to vote for a woman

who suggests that we dress up like pork?

Yeah!

Pig nose! Pig nose! Pig nose!

Pig nose! Pig nose! Pig nose!

Ribbit!

Ribbit!

Ribbit!

Sorry to interrupt your quality time.

Oh, it's quite all right. What's on your mind?

- A re-vote. - Excuse me?

Stevie, surely you must realize that last night's election

was a travesty of truth, justice, and the American way.

A very important voter was completely ignored,

your son, J.T.

Even with J.T.'s vote, you would not have won.

Besides, Jaleesa is doing a terrific job.

There's no garbage, and so far, today,

no one has come to complain to me about anything� until now.

Well, we all know that Jaleesa did not spend her formative years

in a finishing school in Switzerland.

Uh-uh-uh-uh. Twenty-five cents, please.

I beg your pardon?

New dorm rules, 25 cents for gossiping.

Here's $10.

And by the way, Denise Huxtable is gonna make a fool of herself

calling a man she doesn't even know.

I got $9.50 to go.

? It must be love That whispers in my ear ?

? It must be love That we keep trying to hear ?

? I imagined This kind of wonderful choice� ?

Um�

Hello. Is Michael Oku there?

Oh, this is Michael.

Um, well�

�my name is Denise. Uh, Denise Huxtable.

You don't know me. I'm in your biology class.

Um�

Well, uh, Professor Foster is having

a wine and cheese tomorrow night,

and, uh, well, I was just wondering if maybe you'd want to-

You would?

Really?

Great.

That's fine. I� I live in Gilbert. 7:00 would be fine.

Great. See you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye.

Ants!

Good morning, Ms. Dorm Monitor.

Good morning.

Guess what?

Some ants had a little parade outside my door this morning,

and I followed it.

Guess what I found.

Exhibit A, the smoking pizza carton.

And as you can see, the box says "Huxtable" on top of it.

So, what does that prove? It doesn't even say "Denise."

Nice try, but may I suggest you forget about law school.

Now, if my memory serves me right,

Jaleesa, you made a little rule about wearing a pig nose.

Yes, I did.

Well, I hear they're serving bacon at breakfast.

Denise will be among friends.

Oh, this is awful.

I don't envy you.

I can just see Denise's little face

when you have to tell her that she has to wear the- Oh!

What is wrong with you?

Oh, cursed day that thou didst order pizza!

What?

Denise, did you leave this in the lounge last night?

Oh.

I did, Jaleesa. I'm sorry. I don't know how this happened.

I feel partially responsible. After all, I did pick at the pepperoni.

What is- What?

You have to wear this.

No way.

Denise, come on, it's the rule. I said it last night in the election.

I know, but I'm your roommate. And your friend.

This is just like my drama society. This is the classic tragic conflict,

duty to friends and family versus civic duty and the law.

You two are exactly like Antigone and Creon.

Look, this is not about tragedy, this is about trash.

And, in Gilbert, you litter, you wear the nose.

What do you care if I wear this thing? I'm the one who's gonna look like a nut.

Denise, if I let you slide, then I'll be the joke,

and no one is going to listen to me.

That's exactly why Creon had to bury Antigone alive in the family crypt.

Jaleesa, I mean, it's okay in the dorm, but in class, I'm not-

Jaleesa, my date with Michael. Oh, please, I'll do anything.

Please, don't make me wear this today!

Come on, I'll pay a fine. I'll do anything. Please, please, please!

I'm sorry, Denise.

Jaleesa, Denise has never met Michael before.

He's gonna think she's whacko.

What about Creon and Antigone?

We're not talking about old Greeks.

We're talking about a great-looking guy.

Jaleesa, I can't believe you're doing this to me.

Huxtable, you are not living in your parents' house anymore.

So, for once, you're going to have to deal with your trash.

Now, grow up and put on the pig nose!

All right, I will put on the pig nose.

Just pretend you're Cyrano and he's Roxanne.

Hot date tonight, Miss Piggy?

I heard about it.

And I must say that you are a very brave woman.

Oh!

Whoa.

What do you say we get out of here and go dig for truffles?

Ugh!

I'm sorry, Denise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey, what's the matter? You've never seen a beautiful woman with a snout before?

Thanks, Dwayne.

I wish you could go on my date for me.

You know, I tried to cancel, but I can't get this guy.

Who is it? I'll help you get rid of him.

- Michael Oku. - Michael Oku?

- Mm-hmm. - You kidding me! I thought you had taste.

Oh! Uh, look, I know the guy.

And I'll find him for you.

You will? Oh, Dwayne!

- You're all right sometimes. - Yeah! Uh�

Would you like to go out with me tonight?

No.

How about Tuesday?

I have some time in June.

- Excuse me. - Yes?

Uh, do you know a Denise Huxtable?

Oh, yes, I do. Nice girl.

I'm supposed to pick her up. I'm Michael Oku.

Could you tell her I'm here?

Oh, um� You know, Michael-

- Denise, I have to- - Denise? Denise?

You're looking for Denise? You know Denise isn't here.

What are you talking about?

Denise isn't here.

Michael is looking for her, too.

- Oh! - They have a date.

Oh! Oh, um�

Denise isn't here. She can't make it.

She said she's very, very sorry.

So am I.

- Is there a costume party going on here? - Yeah.

- No! - No.

Actually, uh� �we're taking a class in beast literature.

You know? Fables.

And, um, we're reading Animal Farm,

and our professor asked us to make it into a play,

so that's what we're doing.

We're the pigs.

Denise.

Michael! What's hanging, man? I've been looking all over for you.

Denise Huxtable, and this is not her, by the way�

Denise Huxtable asked me to tell you forget it.

She doesn't want to date you. Ha!

Thanks, Dwayne.

Michael�

�I'm Denise.

And, um,

this is my roommate, Maggie.

And, well, we're not really doing a play about pigs.

Um, the reason why we have to wear these noses

is because I ate pizza and I left the carton in the lounge.

And I'm wearing it because I picked at the pepperoni.

I tried to call and cancel,

'cause I didn't want you to see me this way.

What way?

What, are you blind, man? Look at that schnozz.

May I borrow your nose?

Sure.

Better?

You look great.

She's gonna go out with a guy with a pig nose,

and she's not gonna go out with me?

? Some guys have all the luck� ?

- Hey. - Hey.

You know, I really have to hand it to you, Denise.

- You're a bigger person than I am. - Thank you.

With a bigger nose, too.

Well, Michael thought it was cute.

- We were the hit of the wine and cheese. - Thanks.

Oh, well, I want to know,

did you take the nose off at any point during your date?

Oh�

�for a minute, at the door.

Okay, two minutes.

Come on. Only two minutes?

- Come on. - Come on!

- I want to know. - Tell!

That's all, folks.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0