All language subtitles for Shoresy s04e06 Go Where Youre Needed.eng

(Dramatic instrumental music)

?

(Text on screen)

(truck rumbles to stop)

(door opens)

(horn honks)

(horn honks)

(horn honks)

- Look, whoever you're honking
for, you got the wrong house.

(Jack): "Dear Laura,
it's me, Shoresy.

I'm speaking to you through
this pimple farmer

for two reasons.
One, I'm busy doing

what I have to do to get
a girl like you.

And two, I wanna show
this zit face what it takes

to get a girl like you.

I'm sure you wish
it was somebody better looking

reading this,
but if you can believe it,

he's the least ugly of the four.

Mason, the guy in the truck,
is the most ugly."

- Fuck sakes.
- And ugliest of the four,

"four" is spelled "f-o-r."

"You asked me to fuck off
for the summer

and figure out if I'm sure
about you and about us.

It's been a long summer
of reflection and consideration.

But mostly pullin' on it.

More than I want to admit.

Laura, much more of this
and I'm gonna pull that thing

right off.

I've also used this time

to finally read
"The Five Languages of Love"

and I'll tell ya this,
that book is for broads.

The five languages of love
are words of affirmation,

quality time, physical touch,

acts of service,
and receiving gifts.

224 pages for five things
any dumb fuck is doing

for their sweetie,
without even thinking about it,

if they're really into them.

That's what I've been doing
while you deny my affection.

Puttin' in the work."

"Deny" is spelled "d-e-n-y-e."

(Shoresy panting)

(Laura): What are you doin'?

- Timed it almost
perfectly, bud.

- Want me to keep reading?
- Shut the fuck up, Jack.

- Okay, but I-
- No, just shut the fuck up.

- What are you doing?
- What it takes!

- What is wrong with you?

- I asked you what I had to do
to get ya.

And you said...
- Run a marathon.

I did?
- I fuckin' knew it.

- A whole one?
- 42 kilometres, smart ass.

You want a noogie?
- You ran a marathon?

(Shoresy): Yeah!
- You ran a marathon.

- Yeah!
- You ran a marathon?

- Well, I fuckin' walked a bit,

like up that super steep hill
by the water tower.

I'm not fuckin' Terry Fox.
- You're crazy.

- Yeah, and I had tens
cat callin' me

from convertibles
the entire time.

You better get
your act together.

- I don't even
remember saying...

Run a marathon.

- Well, I remember
everything you say.

- Do ya?
(Shoresy): Try me.

- When's my kid's birthday?
- April 9.

When's Big Sexy's?
- What's my death row meal?

- Crinkle cut fries.
What's mine?

- Box of Timbits.
What's my pet peeve?

- People who go like this
out their car window.

What's mine?
- Commercials that make you cry.

- What superpower would I want?
- To breathe underwater. Me?

- To heal people.

Jack, finish the fuckin' letter.

- "Today I ran a marathon.

Even though you probably
don't remember telling me to.

I'll run another one tomorrow
if you want.

I'll run another one right now.

Tell me what to do
and I'll do it,

'cause this is the summer
I close on Laura Mohr."

(Laura laughs)

- All right, Shoresy,
let's have a sleepover.

(? Shining Bright ?
by Tseba ft. Tim Shiel)

- That's how ya do it!

That's what it takes!

Sometimes you gotta
dance for 'em, Jake!

- Jack.
- You want the girl?

(?)

(?)

(inaudible chatter)

(?)

- Blueberry Festival Dance
on Saturday, b'ys.

- Big Saturday night
on deck here, now!

- Think they'll serve
blueberries?

- Wait 'til they see the boys
rippin' it up.

Marcia Mercier
won't know what hit her.

- Who?
- Marissa Mercier.

- Maria.
- What?

- Maria Mercier.
- Wait 'til Miriam Mercier

sees the boys on the D-floor.

- Hey, can I just say,
you know, I really appreciate-

- Shut up. What are you doing?
- Oh, look at you.

- Fuck, everything's goin'
so great.

Why you gotta be
so fuckin' emotional?

- Sorry. Geez.
- If you're gonna be soft,

you're not gonna get a girl
like Mariana Mercier.

- Maria.
- Marina Mercier's gonna be

looking at the Bulldogs anyway.

- Well, that's true.
Martina's probably

gonna be looking at Dolo.
Let's be honest, here.

Should be ready for that.
- Maria.

- Don't think ya have to worry
about her looking

at Michaels, though.
- Oh, thanks, Shoresy.

- Also, Hitch doesn't
really strike me

as Miranda Mercier's type.

- The odds aren't good,
but the goods are odd.

- Dolo's not as good
a dancer as me,

but he's much better looking,
so don't be surprised

if he's gettin' the eyes
from Margarita Mercier.

- We're gonna look like idiots.

- That's the point!
(Bulldogs yelling)

You wanna look like an idiot.

(overlapping chatter)

Don't you wish these were
your Blueberry Buddies, hey?

Bet you'd love to be
Blueberry Buddies with them.

- Shut up.
- We've come to tell you

in person.
- Ohh, what's up, Nat?

- Shut the fuck up, Michaels.

- Goody, Dolo, Hitch, you're in.

- You're in.
- Fer what?

(Miig and Ziig): Weird Sudbury.

- Yes, b'y.
- Let's get good and weird,

boys.
- When is it?

- Saturday.

(Nat): Fuck you, Shoresy.

- Fuck you!

- Shut the door.
- Let's everybody

just calm down.
- She said shut the door.

(mocks): She said shut the door.
- What're you gonna do?

- When?
- Now!

- What?
- You told the-

(Shoresy): Huh?
- You told

the Blueberry Buddies you'd go
to the dance with them.

- Yeah.
- As I understand it,

you've prepared
a dance with them?

- Yeah.
- I'd call it more

of a spectacle.
- It's a car crash.

- And now we've learned
that the dance is the same night

as Weird Sudbury,
whatever that is.

- Good and weird.

- Yeah, so.
- So, what are you gonna do?

- Go to the dance.
- All of you?

- No.
(Miig and Ziig): Yes.

- No. Just me and Michaels.
- No one cares about Michaels.

- I know.
I'd rather go by myself.

- The kids don't look up to him

the same way they
look up to you guys.

- I know! He's almost
like... negative one.

- What sort of parting message
is this for them?

You spent the summer
working with them,

building a relationship.
You've planned this big dance.

(Miig): Spectacle.
(Ziig): Multi-car pile up.

- You say you'll be there
for them,

then three of you bail when
something better comes along?

They're your guys. You have
to be there for your guys.

(Ziig): The hockey world
looks out for each other.

- Bulldog hockey, baby.

- If this is who
the Bulldogs are then-

- Okay, relax! Ho-ly!

- Talk to them.

- You're good at this, Shoresy.

- You should coach.

(Shoresy): All right,
so everybody listen up here now.

Accountability.
- Not a chance, me son.

- Huh?
- We're going to the party, bud.

- Guys.
(Shoresy): Shut the fuck up, Michaels.

- You have to?

- Are they draggin' you there by
the short and curlies?

(Shoresy): Huh?
- Are they supposed to be curly?

- I thought the most thrilled
I'd ever be to hear me name

called was at the NHL draft.

First round, no less.

How wrong I was.

The most thrilled I ever was
to hear me named called was at-

- Weird Sudbury.
We get it. What is it anyway?

(all): Good and weird.
(Shoresy): Well, boys...

Boys'll be boys, boys. Like-

- Are you talkin' about
the boys or the b'ys?

- The boys.

- Look Nat said it herself,
you're champions.

- He means the b'ys proper.

- Now I'm all
for enjoying everything

that comes along with that.

- But she also said...

- There is a reasonable
amount of time

to celebrate something
like this,

and I think that
you've surpassed it.

- And at this point, yeah, so,

I agree with her.

Summer's pretty much over.

- Say we hit our tubing quota.

- Oh, tubing's so sick.

(overlapping chatter)

- And this cup celebration's
been pretty sick, too.

(Goody): Phenomenal.
- But like...

- It's selfish now.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Look, hockey players
hold each other accountable.

It's what we do.
If you're fuckin' up,

you're gonna hear about it.
- Let's hear it, b'y.

- You bailed on the Jims,

now you wanna bail
on the Blueberry Buddies.

Somewhere along the line,

this stopped being
about the team.

- It's not hockey, boys.
- It's not about the Bulldogs

anymore. It's only about you.

- Is this 'cause we went
to the party without Michaels?

- No.
- Let's just double click-

- Shut the fuck up, Michaels.
That's not what it's about.

- Because if it was
anybody else,

we woulda sat it out with you.
- It's only Michaels.

- Even Fish.
- It's only Michaels?

- Don't worry about it.
- Hold on, if it's only

Michaels, then why did you
sit it out, Shoresy?

- I dunno, I'm still wrestling
with that a little bit.

- Let's just zoom in on that-
- Michaels, shut the fuck up!

- Maybe we could do both.
- 7pm to 7am, old man.

- It's a bad look for the team
if you bail.

- It's a bad look
for the Bulldogs.

- It's up to you.

What's more important?

You or the team?

- Nice, Shoresy.

- You're good at this, Shoresy.
You should coach.

But the b'ys ain't missin'
Weird Sudbury.

(whistle screeches)

(Shoresy): All right,
get on the bench.

Take your buckets off.

Anytime now.

All right, first off,
little stick tap for Jack

for putting himself out there
to get a girl,

and being rewarded
with a follow back

on some silly social media site.

(sticks tapping)

All right, it's your last skate
with the Bulldogs.

National Champs.
- Of senior whale shit hockey.

- Let's see your banner
in the rafters.

All right, we know you're all
off to camp here pretty quick.

They're gonna be all over you
with toxic masculinity

and anti-femiminity.

- Anti-femininity.
- Boys, let's tell 'em

what's really important.
- Make a good first impression

and always leave a lasting one.
- Oh, my God.

- Hittin' them
with the recycled material,

are ya, Goody, b'y?
- Yep.

- You're real proud of yourself
with that one, eh?

- It's a good one.
- We know you read it

on the wall at fuckin'
IKEA or somethin'.

- No, I didn't.
- Saw it on a pillow

at a fuckin' bed and breakfast.
(Goody): No, I didn't.

(Shoresy): Hitch.
- Boys, when you're on the ice,

there's no room for
chit-chattin' with

the other team. Don't be smilin'
at each other off the draws,

and all that. Say hello
after the game if you wants,

but it's all business
on the ice.

Your loyalty is to your team.
- Jo-Dolo.

- Michaels.
- Look out for each other

in the wild, boys. Check in.

Make sure the boys
are doing okay. Have a FaceTime,

if you can. You never know
when someone needs it.

- And for fuck's sake,
protect yourselves out there.

As a hockey player, you've got
your stick and your elbow.

Your opponent has their neck
and their nuts.

If they come anywhere near ya,

they get your stick
and your elbow in their neck

or their nuts. Yeah,
I know what you're thinkin'.

I've never been elbowed
in the nuts before.

Neither had the no less
than 500 dudes I've done it to.

Let's fuckin' go.

- I think we'll all have
a Jim or two on our team.

- Three, if we're lucky.
- Oh, did you guys

square up with Jim?
- Yes, b'y?

- And Jim?
- The Jims are unbelievable.

(energetic music)

- All right, you're all off
to camp real quick here now.

When you get there,
what are you gonna be?

- The best player on the ice.
- You?

- Yeah.
- No, you won't be,

you can't skate.
- I can skate.

- Yeah, like you got 'em
on the wrong fuckin' feet.

- No, I don't.
- You know what,

you're supposed to stay low
to the ground when you skate,

eh? You fuckin' bob up and down
like a figure skater.

- Skate good enough
to get drafted to the O.

- Fuckin' skates like a bird.
- What?

- Yeah, you skate like one
of those birds that fuckin'

bobs when they walk.
That's fuckin' walkin' around

like, peckin' shit.
What are those called? Emus?

- I don't know. I
don't know what the fuck

you're talking about.
- Alpacas?

- Alpacas are more like camels.
- Well, I know

they're fuckin' mammals, idiot.
- I said camels.

- All right, raise your hand

if you think Carter's
an ugly skater?

- Fuck you, Shoresy.

- Now let's point to the guy
that's a fuckin' liar.

- What was the question?
- All right, you're all

going off to camp here.
When you get there,

what are you going to be?

- The highest scoring
defenceman.

- Come on.
- What?

- You?
(Mason): Yeah.

- Well, you better hope
there isn't an egg

between you and the net.
- Why would there be-

- He means your shot
couldn't break an egg.

- Better hope there isn't
a house of cards in the way

or the puck's not gettin'
through.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Better hope there isn't

a little popsicle stick fence

held together by fuckin' paste.

(Lakers giggle)
- Shut up.

- You can't skate.
You can't shoot. You're ugly.

And he's so fuckin' awkward.
Oh, my God.

But you're lucky, 'cause
none of that really matters.

What matters is effort.
Work ethic.

So, when you get to camp,
what are you going to be?

(all): The hardest
worker out there.

- That's right, the hardest
worker out there. Say it again.

(all): The hardest
worker out there.

- That's right. Say it again.

(all): The hardest
worker out there.

- Hell yeah, fuck yeah.

(all): Hell yeah, fuck yeah.

- That's what matters.

That's what gets you remembered.
You understand?

You think anyone's gonna be
thinking about Jack's

big forehead when they see a guy

who will play an entire period
if you need him to?

You think anyone's gonna be
thinking about Mason's back zits

when they see a guy
who's willing to push through

the pain? And hey!

Don't forget
where you come from.

You're from the North.
You're from Sudbury.

We ain't pretty,
and we get dirty.

Make fuckin' sure when they see
your number out there,

they see your hometown
in the program and they say,

"Bingo. Of course."

You're from the home
of the smokestacks.

You're from the home
of the mines.

And you're from the home
of the Sudbury

Blueberry Bulldogs, bitch.

Represent! Are you ready?

(Lakers): Yeah.
- Don't sound like it, b'ys.

(Lakers): Yeah!
- Ready to do what it takes?

(all): Yeah!
- To be unforgettable?

(all): Yeah!
- Yeah?

(all): Yeah!
- Get dirty.

Get ugly. Get the job done!

(Lakers chanting)

- Here we go.
- You're good at this, Shoresy.

- You should coach.

- Yeah, what are you
gonna do, man?

(? First Draft ? by Mona San)

- When you don't know
where to go...

- Go where you're needed.

- Go where you're needed.

(?)

(?)

- Right here. Let's go.

- Knock, slut. What if I was-

- You never do anything
but hockey. It's fine. Shut up.

- Then leave me alone about it.
- I'm putting it here.

- Putting what here?
- My love.

(both): Why is this so awkward?

- You told me to find
a place to put my love.

- Yeah.
- And so, I'm putting it here.

With the Bulldogs.
- Shoresy, I told you,

you're too hurt to play. I-
- To coach!

I think?

Honestly,
this is going so bad,

I don't even know anymore.

Came in here with real momentum

and you just kinda squashed it.

It's supposed to be
a great moment

and you ruined it. So dumb.

(? Worry Wart ?
by Sunbeam Sound Machine)

- Wait.

Are you sure?
- Yeah.

- You're sure?
- Yes.

- We're doing this?
- Look, I know you're a woman

and everything,
but I'm not gonna be

constantly reassuring you.
- Shut up!

If you're in, prove it.

- I'm Jory Jordan with
the Sudbury Kids Sport Report

and we are back
with breaking news.

After failing on TV,
like everyone knew he would,

number 69 Shore crawls back
to the armpit of Ontario

to try the only thing left
when you can't do, teach.

Shoresy, with nowhere to go
but down, I guess I'm wondering,

what's up?

Was it love of the game
that brought you back

or the fact that you have
nothing else going for you

personally or professionally?

With the Bulldogs' recent
success, many say a coaching

shake-up's as welcome
as hemorrhoids at a pool party.

Your thoughts?

Shifting gears, here,
as far as vices go,

what most drew you
to chewing tobacco,

the sucking or the spitting?

Many have questioned
Nat's decision to hand the team

over to a man with the emotional
intelligence of a poopy baby,

and the common sense
of a modern liberal.

I'm curious, are you sleeping
with her? And if so,

what's that like?

I'm quite serious
as it's the only

logical explanation here.
Is the sex ten outta ten

as most would assume, or does it
eclipse total perfection

like I've been speculating on,
for years,

both publicly and privately?

Do you take a full Cialis
for something like that,

or can you get by
with just a half?

Would you say it was more
awkward or disappointing

when she screamed out
my name instead of yours?

Some final thoughts here,
Shoresy. You've always been

dumb and ugly. At your age,
it won't be long until

you're dumb, ugly, and fat.
Care to comment?

With sea levels constantly
rising,

is it comforting to watch
your hairline

constantly receding?
Last one here, Shoresy,

and we'll get you on your way.
As a man lacking any sort

of real relationship
in his life, most would assume

it's because you're stupid.
I think it's because

you're boring. Who's right here?

- Hey, go Bulldogs!

Where are we goin' drinkin'
with the cup tonight, boys? Woo!

(Nat): So, how does it feel?

- Like the itch
has been scratched.

- It ain't the Bulldogs
without you, man.

Can you imagine us playing this
season without you being there?

- I'da been there.
- In what capacity?

- Just pop-in shower
with the boys.

- When I said find a place
to put your love,

I didn't mean literally.
- Just have a couple

giggles and go.
- Don't fight me so much

next time.

- Thanks for helping me
get there.

- Big night.
Blueberry Festival Dance.

- Don't worry,
we'll behave for ya.

- You know,
I realized something.

I have been down your throats

all summer about
this team's reputation.

- Down our throats?
- I know.

- Huh?
- I know!

- You've been straight
up our dumpers.

(Nat scoffs)

- I thought you were acting
like idiots.

Hurting our reputation.

Drinking from the Cup
all over Greater Sudbury.

- I'm sad I missed
the Splash N Go.

? Hey, hey, hey, Bulldogs ?

(Nat): The Beef 'N Bird
must've been a highlight.

(Shoresy): Porketta Bingo woulda
been my first stop.

(Nat): Looked like good times
at Sudbury Kartways.

(Shoresy): And right in
the middle of Bridge of Nations.

? Hey, hey, hey ?

- And you were acting
like idiots.

But you were doing
what you should be doing.

Sharing it with the community.

That's my Bulldogs.

That's my guys.

(? Last ?
by Tourist & The Range)

I hope they have fun tonight.

(?)

(all cheering)

(?)

(?)

(inaudible cheering)

(inaudible cheering)

(?)

(inaudible cheering)

(?)

(music fades)

(stick bangs)

(whistle screeches)

(Liam): So Shoresy,
you're gonna coach, eh?

(Shoresy mocks): So Shoresy,
you're gonna coach, eh?

- Think you'll be as bad
as a coach as you are a ref?

- Time will tell, Cor.
- How you gonna motivate 'em?

- Communication is the key.
- Oh yeah?

- Yeah, it's how I got your mom
to start grooming her front bum.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Need to get her bathing

routinely. We'll be cookin'
with peanut oil.

Oh, my God, Cory, I just love
how your mom keeps me guessing.

I never know if it's coke
on her nose or donut powder.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Hey Cor, just a heads up,

if your mom's pissy,
it's 'cause I'm withholding sex

'til she apologizes for ashing
her dart in my Gatorade.

Tell your mom to leave me out
of her relationship drama,

Liam, it's none
of my business your dad's gay

as three dudes on a Sea-Doo.

Fuckin' wish she was more
like your mom, Cor.

She makes me feel young again
when I'm shoes on,

rabbit fuckin' her
in an unfinished basement.

Your mom says I nag too much.
I just want her to brush

her teeth before bed.
Like, is that too much to ask?

Fuck you, Liam, every time
your mom's dog smells my crotch

I'm like, "Oh, you must
smell Cory's mom."

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Your mom's no better, Cor.

Her underwear is so poopy,

she could grow mushrooms
in there.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Fuck you, Cory.

I know your mom
has separation anxiety,

but she's gotta stop
FaceTiming me from the toilet.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Fuck you, Liam.

Your mom sent me video of her
ripping a three-octave fart.

I laughed so hard I almost
fell outta Cory's mom's bed.

(Liam and Cory): Fuck you!

(? Stars ? by BURNS
ft. Steve Winwood)

(cast cheering)

(all cheering)

(all cheering)

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