Original subtitles

Lara! My dad's back.

Hi, Mr Boback!

Mum, do you want to do something today?

What? Something, anything.

I've got too much to do.

Chla what?

Chlamydia. You'll need to contact your sexual partners

and inform them. Partners?

It's over. Oh, come on, let's just have a little,

like, a little goodbye fiddle.

Goodbye, Dom.

Hello, again. Wednesday afternoon, amusement park.

Sorry, who are you?

You have a bite mark. No! No.

It's on your shoulder. Isn't it... Oi, oi, oi, oi!

Get out of here, you little shit.

I'll be in touch.

PHONE RINGS

Hi.

Where are you?

Yeah, I'm at the school morning meeting.

Oh. Listen, I can't find Phoebe's karate kit.

Look in her room.

I did.

Look, are you OK?

About today? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I just... It's just a day.

I'm afraid I have a migraine, you're going to have to go alone.

What?

Take a Nurofen.

It's a migraine.

Then we won't go. We can all go another day.

No, Caroline. The whole point is it's today,

to take her mind off the anniversary.

We need to get her out of town, away from it all.

At any rate, it'll be good for you

and Miri to spend some time together.

Your headache might clear up in a minute.

It's not a headache, Caroline.

SHE SCREAMS

Hiya, hi, babe. Hiya.

Yeah, I'm just thinking, I think the, um,

karate kit's in the airing cupboard, yeah.

Which one is she again?

Your father's aunt. Thought she'd died.

No, she refuses to. Old cunt.

But she's family, so you visit.

Like we visited you in...that place.

You can say cunt, but you can't say prison.

It's extremely rare for me to use the cunt word and I only do

so with regard to absolute cunts.

It's a lovely drive and...we're going to have fun.

Feels fun.

Fifth of November.

It's a beautiful day.

Exciting.

Shark, shark, shark, shark, shark, shark...Mum, you have to say attack.

Attack.

No, at the same time as me.

So, shark, shark, shark, shark, shark...

You're not saying it. So, you say attack, then I have to try

and guess when you're going to say it and say it before you.

Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack... No.

..stupid game.

When we get home, I'll make you play ping pong door ways.

What on Earth is that?

We used to make up lots of silly games in prison, to pass the time.

There is a lot of time.

You get quite creative.

Do you know that I can make a banoffee pie in a kettle?

Yeah. It's actually rather good, I'll, I'll make it for you

and Dad one day.

There's a good hairdresser in Petworth.

Maybe we could stop off and see if they can fit you in.

Wow.

You could have some highlights, it might make you feel better.

No, it might make you feel better. That stuff doesn't matter

to me, you know that. Just a thought.

We humans have creative software in our brain, so neuro.

I want to listen to The Archers. No, let's just talk.

About what? Anything, something, we know nothing about each other.

We were talking and we finished.

OK, brilliant. Three hour drive.

Hooray!

Ooh.

Fuck you, Caroline.

DOORBELL RINGS

What are you doing?

Sh, I'm trying to enjoy this very comfortable silence.

You're bring childish.

Sh! That's talking.

Look, what do you want me to say?

I wake up, I eat porridge, your father goes on about something.

This morning it was seven types of plastic.

Why are you getting at me?

I just wanted to take you out for a nice day.

RADIO PLAYS Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum! Shit!

Oh, what was that? Oh!

Oh, Jesus!

Mr Matteson, I'm from Pilot Power. I need to check your meter.

Oh, somebody came a few days ago.

I know.

But they gave an odd reading and so I'm following up.

Don't want an astronomical bill.

That would be very unlikely.

I have the energy efficiency of this house entirely under control.

May I just say that your recycling system out in front here...

..is exemplary.

Um, thank you.

Yes. If everyone put in the time you do,

there'd be a lot more polar bears.

It's the least a human can do.

Did you know that teabags are not compostable?

And that certain brands, they use synthetic...

Synthetic fibres, yes.

I learnt the hard way. All those bags toxifying my compost bins.

Oh, don't go there.

You are a leader of men.

A Viking.

It would be an honour to check the house of a hero.

Uh, of course. Yes? Oh, yes, come in.

OK. Exemplary.

Oh, shit, poor thing.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, I think it's dead.

The car. Oh, the car. Is it dead?

Oscar will be furious. I think it's mostly dead.

Oh, God, it blinked. How are we going to get there?

Oh, no, it's still breathing. It's like 99% dead.

If we're late, she's going to be such an old bag about it.

Mum, we have to do something about it. It's in pain.

Oh, God.

Put it out of its misery.

Oh, I can't. You do it.

You do it.

What?

Nothing. I didn't say anything.

You so did.

Well, I didn't mean. What, I've killed before, so I can kill again?

Oh, don't be so silly.

You're my mother. You're supposed to be on my side, not looking at me

like I'm some kind of cold blooded...

..bloody! Oh, shit!

Well, now it's dead.

It was in pain.

Ugh, I can taste it. No, you can't.

Leave it. No. Look, come on, we'll be late.

No, we're not leaving it in the road.

What are you doing?

I'm burying it. Help me.

No.

Bloody filthy.

Oh, no.

I'm killing it even more.

Sorry, little fox.

I've never done that before.

Killed something.

It was the right thing to do.

Yes, but... Foxes are bastards anyway,

they steal babies from bungalows and chickens and stuff.

OK, Mum, let's go and sort out the car.

# The day thou gav'est Lord is ended

# The darkness falls at thy behest

# To thee a morning him ascendeth

# And pray shall sanctify our rest... #

Ey, ey, ey.

What is it?

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick and...

..that is faster than it should be.

Well, it's always like that. No. No.

There is energy being wasted somewhere in this house.

No, absolutely not. I am vigilant.

PHONE BEEPS

Oh, is, is that you?

No, it's my wife's.

That is not a Viking's phone.

I would like to check all your power points and appliances.

Mr Matteson, don't worry.

This will take a few hours,

but I promise, I will get to the bottom of this.

MUSIC PLAYS

Maybe it's in the car and it fell out of your pocket.

I don't wear things with pockets.

I've never worn anything with pockets.

What's wrong with pockets? Hips, Miri.

Oh, God, where is it?

Well, it's fine. we'll just, there's a... It isn't fine.

Nothing is fine. Oh, my God. Is this about pockets again?

I had it in my hand.

Well, you probably left it at home. I didn't.

I know I didn't. Oh, Christ, maybe I did.

Oh, shit.

Mum, what you doing?

I'm sitting down.

OK, look I'm going to go to the payphone

and I'm going to call the breakdown people, all right?

I'm sure I had it.

Oh, for fuck's sake. why is everyone so obsessed with their phones?

I need to talk to Miri.

Who are you?

Her best friend.

It's very important.

Well, she's not here.

Can I get a cod and chips?

It's ten in the morning.

Are you judging me?

No. Well, when you've got kids, ten in the morning

is two in the afternoon.

When's she coming back? She's not. Um, we're moving venue.

I've got a truck.

Going to park it by the beach.

Do you want to fuck me?

What?

Well, you look really bored,

I'm stressed, you know, we'd both get something out of it.

But I don't even know who you are.

Yeah, I mean that's the who...

Oh, God just forget it.

Still got it.

They'll be about two hours.

What? That's ridiculous.

A tyre is hardly a priority.

Two women in the middle of nowhere, no phone,

it's like Midsomer Murders.

Mum, we're in West Sussex. A Tory MP will probably drive by and save us

before the breakdown people do.

They say two hours, they mean four.

OK.

If I'd known, I'd have brought a book.

Where's your father when we need him?

I'm going to cancel my membership.

Then they'll definitely come.

Mum, why don't you come and sit down?

No, I don't want to sit.

I've done sitting. I'm standing now.

OK, this is awful.

I know.

No, no, no. Not the breakdown - this, us.

You have been so weird with me since I came back.

Just...

Where are you going? I don't know.

We are going to have this conversation.

OK, fine. You were right, I thought you should kill the fox.

And I smashed its head in, so we didn't have to talk about all this.

God, I'm a terrible mother.

I think I might be a cunt. No you're not.

I am. I left you and your father when you were six for a whole month.

I...I know. We ate custard every night, it was quite fun.

Sometimes I didn't put you to bed at night,

cos I couldn't bear reading The Tiger Who Came to Tea.

OK. Again and again.

It's just a book. God, I couldn't bear that bloody tiger.

He had no manners. Because he's a tiger.

You know, he couldn't get an erection.

Well, he was just there for tea.

Your father, after you went away.

Probably thought it was all my fault.

Oh, forget it.

Where are you going? You want to talk.

Yeah, a real conversation. This is just you whining in the woods.

Why can't I do anything right?

Because you don't do anything right!

Do you know that I shared a room with a woman who said

the word beetle 20 times a minute for two years?

No, because you don't ask.

The only thing you could ask me about was the weather.

So? So, so? What's the weather like, Miri?

I was inside for 23 hours a day.

Well, I didn't know!

This momentous thing happened to our family

and we can't talk about it because it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Fine.

The whispering.

Being frozen out of the church choir.

Having to go to the supermarket after dark, out of town,

to avoid the stares.

Friends dropping like flies.

No Christmas cards on the mantelpiece. No Christmas full stop.

Just two M&S turkey legs in front of the telly, hoping it would

make it go faster.

Years and years of nothing but me and him rattling around

that sad, empty house, waiting for you to come back,

worrying about what you'd be like if you did come back.

I don't ask you about it, because I hated it!

And I want to pretend none of it ever happened.

You ruined my life! Prison ruined my life!

And I hated you.

I have hated you.

Thank you.

What? No.

Thank you for being honest with me.

Maybe a bit too honest, but...

What do you want me to do to help you?

Just be my mum, that's all.

Hello?

I've got to go, I've got to meet someone. I'll be back in 20 minutes.

Sure, I have everything I need.

Ah. Bingo.

Hello, ladies.

Hi, I'm Miri.

Hello.

PHONE BEEPS

Shit! My labia is moist?

Whoa, Mr Matteson!

Wait, wait, wait!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey!

It was meaningless.

It was my wife!

Fuck off. You...

..fuck off. Shut up, you little twat!

Stop, wait, wait. Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Wait.

Just wait.

Let me just...this is new.

You want to fight me, but I'm warning you now, I'll fuck you up.

Fuck off.

Fuck, fuck you.

Fuck off! Fuck off!

Oh, whoa, whoa. Calm, calm, calm.

Osh! Oh, fuck, you're 70! Jesus!

I am a Viking!

Fuck! Argh!

You always were a pathetic little jerk.

I can feel your nuts on my nuts.

You stay away from my wife and my daughter!

Is that clear?

Ah!

You're lucky I don't fight pensioners.

Oh!

Oh, for fuck...

That was unnecessary!

Viking!

KNOCKING

Is Miri here?

No.

Mr and Mrs Matteson?

Nobody's here.

It's just me.

Sorry, who are you?

I'm here to fix things.

Drink on the job, do you?

Hmm, hmm, yeah.

Hmm.

Sometimes.

When things go very well.

Ah. Such good friends all of you, hm?

You, Miri and, of course,

poor little Lara.

But even the best friends, they have secrets.

Don't they, Mandy?

How do you know my name?

Well...

I think I...I better go now.

Don't fuck with me. I'm a head teacher.

Good luck sleeping tonight.

Two hours, my arse.

Come here. Hang on.

I thought you said it doesn't matter how you look?

Well, it matters to you, doesn't it?

I know you wouldn't have done anything unless...

You and Lara, you were such good friends.

Why was she so angry with you?

It's never made sense.

It's a rabbit hole. I can't even... The poor Bobacks.

To lose a child.

Unthinkable.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Shut up, you bloody Tory scum!

Mum, you're a Tory. Yes, I know! CAR HORN PLAYS A TUNE

Oh, hello! Ha!

At last.

That's a cheery horn.

Another year.

You're not missing much. Um, I never what to do today.

I just asked a stranger for sex.

Miri's back.

You're probably haunting the shit out her.

Like you are me.

I still can't sleep.

But you know that.

Sometimes I miss you and then I remember what a bitch you were

and I still miss you.

Grade A skunk.

Don't pull a whitey.

Shark, shark, shark, shark... Attack!

I still don't get it.

I'm more of a bridge person.

Bridge! Mum! When we get home, I am teaching you ping pong doorway.

No, Miri.

What are you doing out here? Is that blood?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, I got into a bit of a squabble with a rose bush.

I won.

You're here.

We're all here.

Mum beat the shit out of a dead fox.

Miri. Well, it happened, so I'm going to tell everyone.

You look...terrible.

But you're mine. I know.

Right, you two, get inside.

No snogging until after dinner.

Whee!

This is so nice.

Look at that one there.

Wow. Did you see that?

Lara! My dad's back, hide the cigarettes.

Hi, Dad!

Hi, Mr Boback!

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Mr Boback!

Yes.

Hello, Mr Boback.

Hmm.