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1
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:06,673
Not all science
is created equal.
2
00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,843
There's physics,
the undisputed king of science.
3
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,635
There's chemistry.
It's no physics,
4
00:00:11,835 --> 00:00:14,012
but it's not a bad way
to pass a rainy afternoon.
5
00:00:14,212 --> 00:00:16,181
And then there's biology,
6
00:00:16,381 --> 00:00:18,184
the squishiest of the sciences.
7
00:00:18,384 --> 00:00:19,728
Ugh!
8
00:00:19,928 --> 00:00:22,646
Once you have deposited
enough saliva
9
00:00:22,846 --> 00:00:23,690
in the blue Benedict's solution,
10
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:25,859
we'll mix it
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00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:27,318
in the centrifuge.
12
00:00:27,518 --> 00:00:29,403
After that, we'll pass it
through the spectrometer
13
00:00:29,603 --> 00:00:32,030
to measure
how much glucose is present.
14
00:00:32,230 --> 00:00:34,491
And won't that be a party?
15
00:00:34,691 --> 00:00:35,493
Sheldon.
16
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:43,074
The Venom - $5 million GTD Poker Tourney
Download AmericasCardroom.com
17
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,304
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
18
00:00:54,504 --> 00:00:56,305
It's warm. Oh, dear.
19
00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,435
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
20
00:01:00,635 --> 00:01:03,353
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
21
00:01:03,553 --> 00:01:05,856
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
22
00:01:06,056 --> 00:01:08,233
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
23
00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:12,530
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
24
00:01:16,742 --> 00:01:18,578
And then there was some
extra money in the budget,
25
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,370
so I was able to order
those tackling dummies
26
00:01:20,570 --> 00:01:21,873
I had my eye on.
27
00:01:22,073 --> 00:01:23,750
I don't understand
why the football program gets
28
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,751
so much money, while
the equipment in the science lab
29
00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:27,754
is outdated and falling apart.
30
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:28,962
Oh, I can explain that.
31
00:01:29,162 --> 00:01:30,256
This is Texas.
32
00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:31,257
Pass the ribs.
33
00:01:31,457 --> 00:01:32,258
Well, it's not fair.
34
00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:33,051
It's a school.
35
00:01:33,251 --> 00:01:35,093
Education should be
their priority.
36
00:01:35,293 --> 00:01:36,763
All right, I'll
explain it again...
37
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,097
I think Shelly's got a point.
38
00:01:38,297 --> 00:01:40,432
The school is supposed
to prepare these kids
39
00:01:40,632 --> 00:01:41,768
for the future.
How many of 'em
40
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,228
are gonna be
professional football players?
41
00:01:44,428 --> 00:01:45,771
No one at this table.
42
00:01:45,971 --> 00:01:48,650
But how many of 'em
are gonna be scientists?
43
00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:49,650
I know.
44
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:52,486
George, isn't there
a way they can take some
45
00:01:52,686 --> 00:01:54,489
of the football money
and spend it on science?
46
00:01:54,689 --> 00:01:56,950
Really?
I need to explain it again?
47
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:58,826
You know, Moon Pie, in the '60s,
when the hippies wanted
48
00:01:59,026 --> 00:02:01,412
to change things,
they would just protest.
49
00:02:01,612 --> 00:02:03,121
You were a hippie?
Oh, no.
50
00:02:03,321 --> 00:02:05,582
But I wrote a letter
complaining about the hippies,
51
00:02:05,782 --> 00:02:07,793
and the police chased 'em
right out of that park.
52
00:02:07,993 --> 00:02:09,253
So my point is...
53
00:02:09,453 --> 00:02:11,296
maybe you could write a letter.
54
00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:13,675
Ooh! Maybe I can lodge
a formal complaint
55
00:02:13,875 --> 00:02:15,843
with the school board about
the sports budget infringing
56
00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:17,177
on the other departments.
57
00:02:17,377 --> 00:02:18,346
Okay, last time:
58
00:02:18,546 --> 00:02:19,848
Canada,
59
00:02:20,048 --> 00:02:21,682
the other states,
60
00:02:21,882 --> 00:02:23,518
us.
61
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:33,319
What are you doing,
standing there?
62
00:02:33,519 --> 00:02:35,487
I wrote a formal complaint
letter to the school board
63
00:02:35,687 --> 00:02:37,615
on how much money is
spent on football.
64
00:02:37,815 --> 00:02:39,825
I was hoping you could
deliver it to them.
65
00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:41,786
You do realize
your father's a coach here.
66
00:02:41,986 --> 00:02:43,204
Yes, sir, I do.
67
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:45,122
Maybe you ought to talk to him
about this first.
68
00:02:45,322 --> 00:02:46,164
I did.
69
00:02:46,364 --> 00:02:48,001
He didn't care
for the idea at all.
70
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,377
Well, there you go.
71
00:02:50,577 --> 00:02:52,212
There I go what?
72
00:02:53,213 --> 00:02:54,966
Let me see that.
73
00:02:57,043 --> 00:03:00,013
"Barbaric sport...
encourages bloodlust similar
74
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:01,931
"to Roman gladiator games...
75
00:03:02,131 --> 00:03:04,016
"Christians, lions...
76
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:06,352
money better spent
on science and learning."
77
00:03:06,552 --> 00:03:08,353
You're joking, right?
78
00:03:08,553 --> 00:03:10,856
Did you see the word "bazinga"
anywhere in that letter?
79
00:03:14,818 --> 00:03:16,153
Out.
80
00:03:16,353 --> 00:03:19,032
I'll just have to go
over his head.
81
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,370
President Cooper.
82
00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:26,204
That's serendipitous.
83
00:03:27,497 --> 00:03:28,917
Hello.
84
00:03:30,576 --> 00:03:31,544
What?
85
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:34,546
I understand that you're
in charge of student elections.
86
00:03:36,124 --> 00:03:37,050
I am.
87
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,259
I'd like to run
for class president.
88
00:03:39,459 --> 00:03:40,929
Really?
89
00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:42,555
Really.
90
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,264
Okay.
91
00:03:44,464 --> 00:03:47,060
You can sign up,
but I have to warn you...
92
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:50,062
you'll be running
against Nell Cavanaugh.
93
00:03:50,262 --> 00:03:51,062
So?
94
00:03:51,096 --> 00:03:53,900
She's well-liked
by the student body.
95
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,067
So?
96
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:58,570
These elections tend to be a
bit of a popularity contest.
97
00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:01,407
So? You're gonna make me say
it, huh?
98
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:02,616
Say what?
99
00:04:02,816 --> 00:04:04,618
People don't like you.
100
00:04:04,818 --> 00:04:07,246
Well, as my meemaw likes to say,
water off a duck's back.
101
00:04:07,446 --> 00:04:09,498
Elections shouldn't be
about popularity.
102
00:04:09,698 --> 00:04:12,085
They should be about who has
the best ideas.
103
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:14,378
And what's your idea?
104
00:04:14,578 --> 00:04:15,754
Less money on football,
105
00:04:15,954 --> 00:04:17,130
more on science.
106
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:20,218
Really.
107
00:04:20,418 --> 00:04:22,887
Guess what. I'm running
for class president.
108
00:04:23,087 --> 00:04:24,430
Good for you.
109
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:26,057
You're encouraging him?
110
00:04:26,257 --> 00:04:27,891
He's gonna get destroyed.
111
00:04:28,091 --> 00:04:29,143
You don't know that.
112
00:04:29,343 --> 00:04:30,894
I feel like I do.
113
00:04:31,094 --> 00:04:32,896
Well, whether you win or not,
114
00:04:33,096 --> 00:04:34,816
I think it's great
that you're trying.
115
00:04:35,016 --> 00:04:36,817
But you think I'll win, right?
116
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:41,238
God's listening, Mom.
117
00:04:41,438 --> 00:04:43,240
I think it's certainly possible.
118
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,158
Do you have a campaign strategy?
119
00:04:45,358 --> 00:04:45,784
No.
120
00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:47,786
Do you have a catchy slogan?
121
00:04:47,986 --> 00:04:48,788
No.
122
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,038
Does he have a shot at winning?
123
00:04:50,238 --> 00:04:51,040
No.
124
00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:56,920
Hello, I'd like to speak
to the mayor, please.
125
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:57,922
My name is Sheldon Cooper.
126
00:04:58,122 --> 00:04:59,298
I'm running for class president
127
00:04:59,498 --> 00:05:02,759
and was hoping
he could give me some advice.
128
00:05:02,959 --> 00:05:03,970
I'm ten years old.
129
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,471
But if it helps get him
on the phone,
130
00:05:05,671 --> 00:05:07,639
I'm well-behaved,
a straight-A student,
131
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:09,975
and have impeccable hygiene.
132
00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:10,975
Hello.
133
00:05:11,135 --> 00:05:12,769
This is Mayor Harrison.
134
00:05:12,969 --> 00:05:15,314
I understand
you are running for office.
135
00:05:15,514 --> 00:05:16,690
Class president.
136
00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:18,817
Do you have any advice
on how to win?
137
00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:20,987
The most important thing
is to get out there
138
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:22,487
and connect with people.
139
00:05:22,687 --> 00:05:24,156
That's tricky.
140
00:05:24,356 --> 00:05:25,867
I'm not terribly fond of people.
141
00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:27,994
Well, you might need
to get over that.
142
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:29,202
Assuming I can,
143
00:05:29,402 --> 00:05:30,997
how do I connect with them?
144
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:32,999
A friendly handshake
is a great start.
145
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,000
Oh, boy.
146
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,168
Now I have to touch them?
147
00:05:36,368 --> 00:05:38,170
Over the next few days,
148
00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:40,173
I mounted my campaign.
149
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:43,009
My name is Sheldon Cooper, and
I'm running for class president.
150
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,009
Okay.
151
00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:46,012
Put her there.
152
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,014
Greetings, fellow students.
153
00:05:49,214 --> 00:05:50,766
I'm running for class president.
154
00:05:50,966 --> 00:05:53,144
Here's a button.
155
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,812
Have a grown-up put them on you.
156
00:05:56,012 --> 00:05:57,148
They're sharp.
157
00:05:57,348 --> 00:05:58,356
Hello.
158
00:05:58,556 --> 00:05:59,483
I'm Sheldon Cooper,
159
00:05:59,683 --> 00:06:01,194
and I'm running
for class president.
160
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,694
Yeah?
I understand
161
00:06:02,894 --> 00:06:04,197
you had a baby last year.
162
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:06,199
If you bring it in,
I'll try to kiss it.
163
00:06:14,206 --> 00:06:15,040
Vote Sheldon
for class president.
164
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,877
Vote Sheldon
for class president.
165
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:21,254
Vote Sheldon for
class president.
166
00:06:21,454 --> 00:06:23,257
Don't worry... it's a number two.
167
00:06:23,457 --> 00:06:25,009
You can use it on
standardized tests.
168
00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:26,636
Okay.
169
00:06:26,836 --> 00:06:27,636
And, of course, homework.
170
00:06:27,752 --> 00:06:30,514
I love homework.
171
00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:32,891
Well, it's so nice
to finally meet you.
172
00:06:33,091 --> 00:06:34,060
I'm Nell Cavanaugh.
173
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:35,228
My opponent.
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00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:38,230
I would shake your hand, but
my mom is washing my mittens.
175
00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:40,191
Okay.
176
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:42,901
She was really nice.
177
00:06:43,101 --> 00:06:45,278
She even said, "May
the best student win."
178
00:06:45,478 --> 00:06:46,447
That's sweet.
179
00:06:46,647 --> 00:06:48,199
This was a great idea.
180
00:06:48,399 --> 00:06:50,576
Children like cupcakes,
and, by giving them cupcakes,
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00:06:50,776 --> 00:06:52,870
they'll transfer
that affinity to me.
182
00:06:53,070 --> 00:06:56,081
That's another way
of looking at it.
183
00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:59,084
By that reasoning, a rich person
could simply buy people's votes.
184
00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:01,002
It's been known to happen.
185
00:07:01,202 --> 00:07:02,002
Until my ship comes in,
186
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,923
I guess it's cupcakes.
187
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:06,134
Georgie, check it out.
188
00:07:06,334 --> 00:07:08,136
Oh, man, I hate
that he's doing this.
189
00:07:08,336 --> 00:07:09,928
What? It's cute.
190
00:07:10,128 --> 00:07:11,264
It's embarrassing.
191
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,766
I would think
you'd be proud of him.
192
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:16,185
That's 'cause you're
a better person than me.
193
00:07:16,385 --> 00:07:18,937
Maybe you ought to ask God
to take away your anger
194
00:07:19,137 --> 00:07:20,273
and replace it with love.
195
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,817
Can I ask him to take away
my brother instead?
196
00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:24,151
Georgie.
197
00:07:24,351 --> 00:07:25,694
Not kill him...
198
00:07:25,894 --> 00:07:27,737
just strand him
on an island somewhere.
199
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:29,781
A nice island,
200
00:07:29,981 --> 00:07:31,533
with coconuts and stuff.
201
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,759
Nell Cavanaugh,
202
00:07:49,959 --> 00:07:52,971
it appears
we're taking the mittens off.
203
00:07:53,171 --> 00:07:55,600
Well, that's unfortunate.
204
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,143
Oh, this goes
well beyond unfortunate.
205
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:58,810
It's flat-out unfair.
206
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:01,314
Did you not say that
you love homework?
207
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,190
Of course I said it.
I say it all the time.
208
00:08:03,390 --> 00:08:06,319
But she took it out of context
and is using it against me.
209
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,196
Well, that is what
happens in politics.
210
00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:10,113
People stretch the truth.
211
00:08:10,313 --> 00:08:11,824
Well, those people
are dirty dogs.
212
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,117
They certainly are.
213
00:08:13,317 --> 00:08:15,119
Now, let me ask you something.
214
00:08:15,319 --> 00:08:17,038
How bad do you want
to win this election?
215
00:08:17,238 --> 00:08:20,207
Bad enough to let
105 kids shake my mitten.
216
00:08:20,407 --> 00:08:21,667
Okay, then you need
to toughen up.
217
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:24,127
Politics is not
for the weak-kneed.
218
00:08:24,327 --> 00:08:26,797
Are you suggesting
that I fight fire with fire?
219
00:08:26,997 --> 00:08:28,048
I am.
220
00:08:28,248 --> 00:08:31,343
So going to my room and crying
in my pillow is not an option?
221
00:08:31,543 --> 00:08:32,636
It is not.
222
00:08:33,678 --> 00:08:37,099
Then I have some thinking to do.
223
00:08:39,059 --> 00:08:40,061
Oh, yeah.
224
00:08:40,261 --> 00:08:41,062
You're screwed.
225
00:08:41,262 --> 00:08:43,063
Which is why I need your help.
226
00:08:43,263 --> 00:08:44,231
Why me?
227
00:08:44,431 --> 00:08:45,231
You're ruthless.
228
00:08:45,266 --> 00:08:46,900
I've seen you cheat
at Candy Land.
229
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,070
Thanks. Go on.
230
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:50,363
Well, I'd like to retaliate,
231
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,197
but I don't know
anything about her.
232
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:53,783
Make something up.
233
00:08:53,983 --> 00:08:56,201
Ooh, tell people
she has head lice.
234
00:08:56,401 --> 00:08:58,203
I won't resort to lying.
235
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,539
There's a Denise Cavanaugh
in my class.
236
00:09:01,739 --> 00:09:03,292
Could be her little sister.
237
00:09:03,492 --> 00:09:04,292
So?
238
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,711
I'll see if I can dig up
something about Nell
239
00:09:05,911 --> 00:09:07,087
you can use against her.
240
00:09:07,287 --> 00:09:08,880
Thank you.
241
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,384
Georgie, I hate
to have to ask this,
242
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,344
but are you going
to vote for me?
243
00:09:13,544 --> 00:09:14,678
No. Go away.
244
00:09:14,878 --> 00:09:15,888
Are you sure?
245
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,889
If I win, I can make
you a hall monitor.
246
00:09:18,089 --> 00:09:20,225
Imagine the respect
you'll get then.
247
00:09:20,425 --> 00:09:21,894
Get lost.
248
00:09:27,274 --> 00:09:31,611
Lord, please take away my anger
toward my stupid brother.
249
00:09:31,811 --> 00:09:33,239
My life is hard enough.
250
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,073
Don't let him be president.
251
00:09:35,273 --> 00:09:36,866
And while we're talking,
252
00:09:37,066 --> 00:09:39,245
Veronica... help me out.
253
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:42,248
Encourage her to do something
with me she'll regret.
254
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:43,790
Amen.
255
00:09:46,035 --> 00:09:47,419
Remember,
256
00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:50,255
tomorrow
we'll be dissecting worms!
257
00:09:51,748 --> 00:09:54,802
Ah, your sadness makes me happy.
258
00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,261
Mr. Givens,
I just wanted you to know
259
00:09:56,461 --> 00:09:58,054
that I'm still working hard
on my campaign
260
00:09:58,254 --> 00:10:00,265
to get more funding
for the science department.
261
00:10:00,465 --> 00:10:03,644
Oh, great, 'cause I've got to
dig up tomorrow's worms myself.
262
00:10:03,844 --> 00:10:06,272
Anything you can do to help
me win a decisive victory
263
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:08,274
come Election Day
would be much appreciated.
264
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:09,442
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon,
265
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:11,777
the faculty doesn't get involved
in student elections.
266
00:10:11,977 --> 00:10:13,778
Oh, I understand.
267
00:10:13,978 --> 00:10:16,197
You have to remain neutral.
Wink, wink.
268
00:10:16,397 --> 00:10:18,408
I'm sorry, wink, wink?
269
00:10:18,608 --> 00:10:21,120
You want new science equipment
and I want that for you.
270
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,913
One hand washes the other.
Wink, wink.
271
00:10:24,113 --> 00:10:26,625
Oh, sure, wink, wink.
272
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:29,294
Now you're getting it.
Wink, wink.
273
00:10:29,494 --> 00:10:31,422
Wink, wink.
274
00:10:31,622 --> 00:10:32,423
Wink, wink.
275
00:10:32,623 --> 00:10:35,467
That kid creeps me out.
276
00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:38,636
Another hurdle in my political
career was glossophobia:
277
00:10:38,836 --> 00:10:40,306
fear of public speaking.
278
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:43,433
I've been known to experience
dry mouth, perspiration,
279
00:10:43,633 --> 00:10:45,811
heart palpitations,
and fainting.
280
00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:47,395
A similar response
to what I experience
281
00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:49,105
around unleashed dogs.
282
00:10:49,305 --> 00:10:51,149
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
283
00:10:51,349 --> 00:10:52,985
Can I please speak
with Pastor Jeff?
284
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:55,863
Hold on.
285
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,200
Hey, Sheldon,
what can I do for you?
286
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,201
I need to give
a speech at school,
287
00:11:01,401 --> 00:11:03,162
but I have a fear
of public speaking.
288
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:04,871
Since you give a sermon
every Sunday,
289
00:11:05,071 --> 00:11:06,831
I was hoping you'd have
some words of advice.
290
00:11:07,031 --> 00:11:09,168
As a matter of fact, I do.
291
00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:12,671
When I look down on my
congregation and I feel nervous,
292
00:11:12,871 --> 00:11:15,673
I just ask the Lord
to speak through me.
293
00:11:15,873 --> 00:11:17,676
Like a ventriloquist?
294
00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:19,220
Not exactly.
295
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:20,846
I think of it more as a...
296
00:11:21,046 --> 00:11:22,139
Like one of the Muppets?
297
00:11:22,339 --> 00:11:23,390
No, not that either.
298
00:11:23,590 --> 00:11:25,475
'Cause you do look
a little like Kermit.
299
00:11:25,675 --> 00:11:28,019
Uh, okay, good luck to you,
Sheldon.
300
00:11:28,219 --> 00:11:30,022
Hello.
301
00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:32,316
Dr. Sturgis.
Can you give me any advice
302
00:11:32,516 --> 00:11:34,360
on how to overcome a fear
of public speaking?
303
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,363
Ah, you know,
when I was a young man
304
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:41,033
I had a terrible fear
of speaking to an audience.
305
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:42,659
What did you do?
306
00:11:42,859 --> 00:11:45,078
Actually, it kinda took care
of itself.
307
00:11:45,278 --> 00:11:48,706
One day I was, uh,
playing miniature golf
308
00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:52,419
with some colleagues
and I got struck by lightning.
309
00:11:52,619 --> 00:11:54,547
Oh, dear.
No, it was fine.
310
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:59,301
When I came to, I found myself
with the gift of gab.
311
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:00,552
Big crowds,
312
00:12:00,752 --> 00:12:03,431
small crowds,
you couldn't shut me up.
313
00:12:03,631 --> 00:12:05,349
I don't see how
that can benefit me.
314
00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,934
Not unless you'd like me
to take you miniature golfing
315
00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:10,354
next time there are clouds
on the horizon.
316
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:21,573
Everything okay?
No.
317
00:12:21,773 --> 00:12:24,409
I have to give a speech
in front of the entire assembly.
318
00:12:24,609 --> 00:12:27,245
Oh. Got a little stage fright?
319
00:12:27,445 --> 00:12:28,913
Unfortunately so.
320
00:12:29,113 --> 00:12:31,917
Just thinking about it
causes my bladder to misbehave.
321
00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:34,253
Yeah, I been there.
322
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:35,796
You have?
323
00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:37,255
Sure.
324
00:12:37,455 --> 00:12:39,008
When I first started coaching,
325
00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:40,592
I was real nervous
to talk to the team,
326
00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,427
you know,
give a locker room speech.
327
00:12:42,627 --> 00:12:45,389
Then, one day it dawned on me,
328
00:12:45,589 --> 00:12:46,890
I'm not just talking
to football players,
329
00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:49,393
I'm talking
to teenage football players.
330
00:12:49,593 --> 00:12:51,437
Most of them aren't listening
to a word I'm saying.
331
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:53,438
That's an interesting
perspective.
332
00:12:53,638 --> 00:12:55,399
I'll tell you something else.
333
00:12:55,599 --> 00:12:57,775
You don't give yourself enough
credit for how brave you are.
334
00:12:57,975 --> 00:13:00,236
I don't?
No.
335
00:13:00,436 --> 00:13:03,323
Sheldon, you are ten years old,
going to high school.
336
00:13:03,523 --> 00:13:06,494
Everyone's older than you,
everyone's bigger than you,
337
00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:10,498
but you keep at it,
day after day.
338
00:13:10,698 --> 00:13:13,082
That's brave.
339
00:13:13,282 --> 00:13:15,085
Any kid who can do that
could give a speech
340
00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:17,712
to the United Nations
if he had to.
341
00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:21,133
Thanks, Dad.
342
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,477
I heard what you said in there.
343
00:13:32,677 --> 00:13:34,605
That was very beautiful. Thanks.
344
00:13:34,805 --> 00:13:37,441
I gave a similar speech
to my team last week.
345
00:13:37,641 --> 00:13:39,275
Boy, did we get
our asses kicked.
346
00:13:44,155 --> 00:13:45,448
Emboldened by
my father's pep talk,
347
00:13:45,648 --> 00:13:48,159
I began working on my speech.
348
00:13:48,359 --> 00:13:50,828
I aspired to walk
in the footsteps
349
00:13:51,028 --> 00:13:52,163
of history's greatest orators:
350
00:13:52,363 --> 00:13:54,500
Socrates, Winston Churchill,
351
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:57,628
and, last but not least,
Professor Proton.
352
00:13:57,828 --> 00:13:59,504
Hey, I spoke to Nell's sister.
353
00:13:59,704 --> 00:14:00,714
Found out some
interesting stuff.
354
00:14:00,914 --> 00:14:04,677
Thanks, but I've decided I don't
want to stoop to her level.
355
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,886
If I can't win on the quality
of my ideas,
356
00:14:07,086 --> 00:14:09,181
then I'd rather lose
with my head held high.
357
00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:10,390
That's really stupid,
358
00:14:10,590 --> 00:14:12,934
but in case you change
your mind...
359
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:18,065
All right, y'all have heard
360
00:14:18,265 --> 00:14:20,234
from your secretary candidates,
your treasurer candidates,
361
00:14:20,434 --> 00:14:22,695
your vice presidents...
362
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,738
It's time for the big finale,
363
00:14:24,938 --> 00:14:28,325
the closing event,
the headliners...
364
00:14:28,525 --> 00:14:31,745
Nell Cavanaugh
and Sheldon Cooper.
365
00:14:31,945 --> 00:14:34,789
One of these two will be
president of your class,
366
00:14:34,989 --> 00:14:37,793
so listen to what they've got
to say and choose wisely,
367
00:14:37,993 --> 00:14:40,837
which will be a whole new
experience for most of you.
368
00:14:41,037 --> 00:14:43,841
Remember, heckling
will get you detention.
369
00:14:44,041 --> 00:14:45,049
Bite me!
370
00:14:46,209 --> 00:14:48,220
Bryan Larkin, two days!
371
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,264
You want to try for a week?
372
00:14:50,464 --> 00:14:52,057
I didn't think so.
373
00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:54,143
Nell, floor is yours.
374
00:15:01,274 --> 00:15:03,235
Nell!
375
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,697
Thank you, Ms. MacElroy,
376
00:15:06,897 --> 00:15:09,283
Principal Petersen,
our hard-working teachers,
377
00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:10,618
and my fellow students.
378
00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:14,245
I'm blessed to call
so many of you friends.
379
00:15:14,445 --> 00:15:15,956
Y'all probably know everything
about me already.
380
00:15:16,156 --> 00:15:17,666
Lord knows I love to talk.
381
00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:22,254
So instead of going on
about myself,
382
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:25,256
I'd like to talk to you
about my opponent.
383
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:28,092
Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying
384
00:15:28,292 --> 00:15:29,595
for new science equipment here
at Medford High,
385
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:33,389
and while that sounds wonderful,
the truth is,
386
00:15:33,589 --> 00:15:38,645
he thinks our school wastes
its money on football.
387
00:15:41,598 --> 00:15:43,775
Do we really want
a class president
388
00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:46,778
who doesn't care about football?
389
00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:49,530
No!
390
00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:51,450
I know I am proud to be
a Medford High cheerleader,
391
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,201
and I love football!
392
00:15:56,696 --> 00:15:57,956
But you know the one thing
393
00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:01,668
I love more than football?
394
00:16:01,868 --> 00:16:03,294
God.
395
00:16:08,458 --> 00:16:09,802
Let me tell you
another interesting fact
396
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:10,802
about my opponent.
397
00:16:11,002 --> 00:16:15,182
Did you know that Sheldon Cooper
is an atheist?
398
00:16:15,382 --> 00:16:17,142
That's right.
399
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:20,229
He doesn't believe in God.
400
00:16:20,429 --> 00:16:22,022
Just keep that in mind
401
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:24,316
when you cast your vote today.
402
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:27,360
I'm Nell Cavanaugh.
Go Wolves!
403
00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:38,288
And now, please welcome
Sheldon Cooper.
404
00:16:51,342 --> 00:16:54,138
No one would fault you
if you ran out the back door.
405
00:17:20,538 --> 00:17:24,209
Nell Cavanaugh is... a Yankee.
406
00:17:26,953 --> 00:17:29,548
She may love football
and she may love God,
407
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,383
but she was born in Scarsdale.
408
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,050
That's in New York.
409
00:17:35,211 --> 00:17:37,055
There's more.
410
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:40,726
My opponent didn't move to Texas
until she was seven years old.
411
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,894
In fact, in her bedroom
412
00:17:43,094 --> 00:17:45,396
there's a pennant
for the New York Yankees.
413
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,778
While I may not be a fan
414
00:17:51,978 --> 00:17:53,404
of organized religion or sports,
415
00:17:53,604 --> 00:17:56,909
I promise, if you vote for me,
I'll do my best
416
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,744
to get new science equipment
for our school.
417
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,250
Uh...
418
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:07,419
Don't mess with Texas!
419
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,385
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
420
00:18:16,585 --> 00:18:20,182
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
Sheldon!
421
00:18:20,382 --> 00:18:22,726
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
422
00:18:22,926 --> 00:18:24,853
Sheldon! Sheldon!
423
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:43,247
Before I became
Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
424
00:18:43,447 --> 00:18:45,457
I was President Sheldon Cooper.
425
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:46,541
And I don't mind telling you,
426
00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:49,461
they both look pretty darn good
on business cards.
427
00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:51,087
One of my first responsibilities
428
00:18:51,287 --> 00:18:52,338
as class president
429
00:18:52,538 --> 00:18:54,633
was delivering
the morning announcements.
430
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:57,094
Please rise
for the Pledge of Allegiance.
431
00:18:57,294 --> 00:19:00,137
I pledge allegiance
to the Flag...
432
00:19:00,337 --> 00:19:02,766
Of the United States
of America...
433
00:19:02,966 --> 00:19:05,644
And to the Republic
for which it stands...
434
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,104
One Nation...
435
00:19:07,304 --> 00:19:09,355
Here's a fun fact
about the next two words:
436
00:19:09,555 --> 00:19:11,858
"Under God" wasn't added
to the Pledge of Allegiance
437
00:19:12,058 --> 00:19:13,234
until 1954.
438
00:19:13,434 --> 00:19:15,278
My first act as your president
439
00:19:15,478 --> 00:19:17,655
is to remove the words
"under God" from the Pledge
440
00:19:17,855 --> 00:19:18,865
in order to honor
441
00:19:19,065 --> 00:19:20,534
the separation
of church and state
442
00:19:20,734 --> 00:19:22,201
in this public high school.
443
00:19:22,401 --> 00:19:23,578
Okay, that's enough.
444
00:19:23,778 --> 00:19:25,122
You can't take my microphone.
445
00:19:25,322 --> 00:19:26,832
I'm the president.
Thank you.
446
00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:29,166
All right, let's try this again.
447
00:19:29,366 --> 00:19:30,836
I pledge allegiance
to the Flag...
448
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:33,172
Of the United States of America,
449
00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:36,340
and to the Republic
for which it stands...
450
00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:37,675
One Nation
451
00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:39,010
under God,
452
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:42,263
indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.
453
00:19:42,463 --> 00:19:44,223
Captioning sponsored by CBS
454
00:19:44,423 --> 00:19:46,058
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455
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,145
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455
00:19:50,305 --> 00:19:56,204
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