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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,218 --> 00:00:05,092 -[drum beat] -[clapping] 2 00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,094 -[rhythmic breathing] -[drumroll] 3 00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:10,967 ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 4 00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:15,319 ANNOUNCER: FX presents What We Do in the Shadows. 5 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,059 [bats squeal] 6 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,107 [lively gusli strumming] 7 00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,719 It's nightfall. 8 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,463 The job of a vampire's familiar 9 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,465 is not an easy one. 10 00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:31,901 It's very dangerous. 11 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,164 I mean, they are vampires, after all. 12 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,514 We can go in now. 13 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,305 Good evening, Master. 14 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,220 MAN [muffled]: Guillermo? 15 00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:47,656 Yes, sir? 16 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,745 -Is that you? -Yes, Master. 17 00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:51,573 -Okay. -Okay, Master. 18 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,141 It's time to... rise. 19 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,230 MAN: The... Okay. 20 00:00:56,273 --> 00:01:00,190 [rattling] 21 00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,149 MAN: Guillermo, it is stuck. 22 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,715 I think it is the latch. 23 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,326 GUILLERMO: Being a vampire's familiar 24 00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,763 is like being a best friend. 25 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:10,113 Who-Who's also a slave. 26 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,115 -MAN: Guillermo, it's too loud.-What? 27 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,464 GUILLERMO: Tomorrow night marks 28 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,771 the ten-year anniversary since 29 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,120 I started working for my Master. 30 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:20,950 I think he's planning something pretty special. 31 00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:24,040 [whispers]: I think he's gonna make me a vampire. 32 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:27,304 MAN: This is very embarrassing. 33 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,698 [whispering]: Okay, Master. 34 00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,700 He awakens. 35 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,745 [lively strumming] 36 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,495 Very cool, Master. 37 00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:45,714 Very scary. 38 00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:46,932 Thank you. 39 00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:49,196 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 40 00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:53,722 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 41 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,854 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 42 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:59,380 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 43 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,556 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 44 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,300 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 45 00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:09,259 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 46 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,566 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 47 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:14,786 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 48 00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,450 NANDOR: Everyone? 49 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,409 Nadja, Laszlo. 50 00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:30,324 -Yeah? -Yes? -Can you come downstairs 51 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,195 for a second, please? 52 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,458 Thank you, Laszlo. 53 00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,547 In your own time, Nadja. [chuckles] 54 00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,114 Yes, good, excellent. 55 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,246 So, listen. 56 00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,422 We have received a letter 57 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:44,251 and I would like very much to read it to you. 58 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:47,341 -But not here, we want to go into the library. -Why not here? 59 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,343 I'd like to read it in there. It's just a formality. 60 00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:50,431 It'll sound exactly the same if you 61 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,259 read it here than if you read it in there. 62 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,304 I'm not going to disagree with you, but that's not the point. 63 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:55,392 NANDOR: I was a very ferocious soldier 64 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,133 in the Ottoman Empire. 65 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:01,006 Which meant a lot of killing, lot of pillaging. 66 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:04,706 People would say, "Please, don't pillage me." 67 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,447 And I would say, "No. 68 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:10,233 I'm pillaging everyone, you included." 69 00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,148 I was relentless. 70 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,237 They would call me Nandor 71 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,892 the Relentless. 72 00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:19,677 Because I just never relent. 73 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:20,939 So I'd like very much for us to go into there, please. 74 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,245 Just a formality. 75 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,160 Come on, please, it's just a formality. 76 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,683 -You could have read it by now.-Hmm. 77 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,294 Just a formality, okay? Look, it's not even that far. 78 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:28,904 -Oh, fuck this, fine. -Thank you, Laszlo. 79 00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,384 It's just a formality, please, Nadja. 80 00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:33,300 -Just a formality, thank you. -[Nadja groaning] 81 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:35,476 Guillermo, the door. 82 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,260 -That wasn't so bad, was it? -[door creaks shut] 83 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:41,482 Now before we go into the reading of the letter, 84 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:44,354 I wanted to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 85 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:45,747 -[groans] -Last night, 86 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,618 there were all these people down there, 87 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:50,317 shouting and screaming, half-drunk. 88 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,275 Where did they find the alcohol? 89 00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:55,191 No, they were half-drunk. They'd been half drunk. 90 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,193 -Oh. -Please, finish a whole victim 91 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,413 before moving on to a next one, okay? 92 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:01,284 It's very unhygienic. 93 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,286 I think I know who's leaving them down there, 94 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,288 -but I don't want to say.-If you've got something to say, 95 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,943 -then damn well say it. -It's not hygienic. 96 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,858 How dare you. [hisses] 97 00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:11,729 [both hissing] 98 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,344 The problems with living with other vampires 99 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,128 are the vampires I have chosen to stay with. 100 00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:20,564 [Nandor and Laszlo struggling] 101 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,305 Nandor is like 102 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,568 a big turkey just walking around 103 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,483 trying to control everything on the farm. 104 00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,093 -Hyah! -[Laszlo snarls] 105 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,139 NADJA: And Laszlo is my big, crazy, 106 00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,663 wild bear and we love to chase each other around the house. 107 00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:35,013 -I ought to fucking kill you! -[panicked yelling] 108 00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,799 We have a great time together. 109 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,368 LASZLO: I was the most handsome man 110 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,325 in our village. 111 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,240 His village was very badly affected 112 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,329 by leprosy and the plague. 113 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,548 That's true. 114 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,333 And I, myself, did contract leprosy, 115 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,553 but I was quite lucky 'cause it couldn't be seen. 116 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,511 It was only one part of my anatomy. 117 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,165 Well, I can see it. 118 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,428 Anyway, one night, 119 00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,822 I was awoken by this... 120 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,477 horrible clawing at the window. 121 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,043 And I thought, "Who the hell is that? 122 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,828 'Cause I live on the third floor." 123 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:10,179 So I went to investigate it, I threw back the curtain... 124 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:13,748 Well, I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. 125 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:16,359 But she was gripping the window 126 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,361 and she was clawing at the glass. 127 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,710 I was hypnotized. 128 00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,582 I used hypnosis on him. 129 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,366 Which I found out later. 130 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,586 Anyway, obviously I invited her in. 131 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,544 We were about to make love 132 00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:30,504 when she turned into this hideous, leathery bat thing. 133 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,376 She drained me of my blood, 134 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,987 giving me the curse of eternal life 135 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:38,076 and thus making me a bloodthirsty 136 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,469 creature of the night. 137 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,777 [hissing] 138 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,779 [both hissing] 139 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,389 -[hisses] -[thuds] 140 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,739 Why don't we just write on them with marker pen? 141 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,611 Put our names and the date? 142 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:51,612 LASZLO: Oh, that's a good suggestion. 143 00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,048 -NADJA: Yeah. -Good idea, Nadja. 144 00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:54,658 Marker pens, Guillermo. 145 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,312 Make sure they're permanent. 146 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,574 -Sharpie. -LASZLO: Genius. 147 00:05:57,618 --> 00:06:00,882 -NADJA: With date, as well. -Yes, great thinking, Nadja. 148 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,232 -And yes, this... yes. -The name of the month, day, year. 149 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:05,408 Okay. 150 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,671 And now we come... 151 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,456 to the reading... of the letter. 152 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,458 -[groans] -At last. 153 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:12,807 Guillermo? Close the door. 154 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:15,940 -The door's closed, Master. -Close it more. 155 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,075 More. 156 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,468 Good. 157 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,426 -Now that we are gathered here... -[snarling] 158 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,428 together as one, finally, 159 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:26,995 in accordance with the protocols... 160 00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:28,300 Which you made up. 161 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,346 Yes. 162 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,827 We have received this letter. 163 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,396 From Baron... Afanas. 164 00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:41,618 Really? 165 00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,316 Yes. 166 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,666 NANDOR: How do you... 167 00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,103 -GUILLERMO: Like that. -Shh. 168 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,583 The Baron... 169 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,891 ...is coming to visit us. 170 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,719 Holy shit. 171 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:56,938 Silence, Guillermo. 172 00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:58,461 Vampire comments only. 173 00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,028 The Baron never leaves the old country. 174 00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:02,639 Has he told us what the purposeof his visit is? 175 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,034 Uh... 176 00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,688 No. 177 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,298 LASZLO: The Baron is a firm believer 178 00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:11,300 that vampires should rule the world. 179 00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:13,911 I think the main purpose for the Baron's visit 180 00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:16,305 is to find out whether we as vampires 181 00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:17,611 have populated America. 182 00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:19,743 But as you can see, 183 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,745 the place is fucking massive. 184 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,617 When is he coming, exactly? 185 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,575 -Tomorrow. -Shit. 186 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:26,750 NANDOR: Why didn't you give this to me earlier? 187 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,491 It arrived this morning, Master. 188 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:29,840 [hisses] 189 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:30,972 NADJA: Baron Afanas is... 190 00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:34,758 a very charming member of the vampire royalty. 191 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,368 A few hundred years ago, 192 00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:39,371 we enjoyed a very intense, very long sexual affair. 193 00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:40,503 It was pretty wild. 194 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,592 Lots of acrobatic stuff. 195 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:43,941 This could make it awkward, 196 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,901 to see him with Laszlo... 197 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,729 present. 198 00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,774 LASZLO: Just between you and I, 199 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,776 a while back, the Baron and I 200 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,431 enjoyed a very intense sex affair. 201 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,651 Very animalistic. 202 00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,304 Acrobatic stuff, you might say. 203 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,567 So I, personally, 204 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:04,005 am very much looking forward to reconnecting. 205 00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:06,398 We should get a chariot led by 206 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,923 12 black alligators. 207 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,881 -I like that. -That's a lot of alligators, 208 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:11,969 a lot of paint. 209 00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,580 What about a van? 210 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,669 A van? [groans] 211 00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:16,583 That's not the same, is it? 212 00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:18,323 Can you at least make sure it's black? 213 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,370 Yeah. Black van for tomorrow? 214 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:24,678 Excellent. Uh, what about the Baron's bloodlust? 215 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,549 -Virgins. -Oh, yes, let's do that. 216 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,551 Guillermo, two virgins by tomorrow evening. 217 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,597 -[Nadja chuckling] -Yes, when the Baron arrives 218 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,599 we shall feast on virgin blood. 219 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:33,904 [both cackling] 220 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:36,603 [vampires laughing] 221 00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:39,562 [Guillermo chuckling] 222 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:42,260 Vampire only laughing. 223 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:43,784 -Should we tell Colin Robinson?-Laszlo, 224 00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,699 -that is a terrible idea. -[Laszlo clears throat] 225 00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,701 He'll ruin the evening. 226 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:48,963 Uh, what would ruin the evening? 227 00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:51,574 I told you-- didn't close the door properly. 228 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:54,882 Are we having a house meeting? 229 00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,973 -No. -No. 230 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:01,410 So, your gathering here... 231 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:03,586 is just a coincidence? 232 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,457 Yes. 233 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,678 COLIN: My name is Colin Robinson. 234 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:10,680 And I am what's known as 235 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,595 a psychic vampire. 236 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,379 Or energy vampire. 237 00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:16,033 This is my office. 238 00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:18,470 Also known as the hunting ground. 239 00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,516 Hi, Deb. 240 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,040 Energy vampires drain people's energy 241 00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,651 merely by talking to them. 242 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:27,741 Actual v. Budget, year-to-date, no thanks. 243 00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:28,959 You're gonna be at that all day. 244 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,961 We either bore you 245 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,963 with a long conversation... 246 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,531 Feeling better now, I was a little sick this weekend. 247 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,272 [inhales sharply] 248 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,969 Hey, Don. 249 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,405 Don? 250 00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:42,016 I have to pee, too. 251 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,278 Or... 252 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:44,322 Hey. 253 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,323 ...we enrage you. 254 00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:47,325 [sharpener whining, whirring] 255 00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:50,633 In fact, you probably know an energy vampire. 256 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,504 We're the most common kind... 257 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,289 of vampire. 258 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:55,856 [sharpener screeching, whirring] 259 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,467 We are day-walkers, not affected by the sun. 260 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,425 [sharpener screeching] 261 00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:03,690 And we are the only kind of vampire 262 00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:06,693 that can drain another vampire's energy. 263 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:09,478 It's very cool. 264 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:14,875 The power grows stronger in him by the night. 265 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,529 [snoring] 266 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,710 GUILLERMO: There's different kinds of jobs that I have to do. 267 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:26,930 Keep the house tidy. 268 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,149 Make sure there's no sunlight. 269 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,717 ["Danse Macabre" by Saint-Saens playing] 270 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,284 [mimicking Nandor]: Sunlight! Why, Guillermo, 271 00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:37,114 why?! 272 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,683 Not on my watch. 273 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,685 Getting rid of carcasses, 274 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,774 I feel, is a big one. 275 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,347 So, we are under the stairs and this is my bedroom. 276 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,696 [chuckles softly] 277 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,612 This is a picture of me as Armand 278 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,570 from Interview with the Vampire. 279 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,572 Played by Antonio Banderas. 280 00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,966 That was the first time I've ever seen 281 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,838 an Hispanic vampire 282 00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:08,145 in mainstream, like, movies. 283 00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:11,105 And I said, "If he can do it, I-I... 284 00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,715 [scoffs] I can do it." 285 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,848 Guillermo... boarded this whole window up, 286 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,719 it's a huge sunlight risk. 287 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,329 We wouldn't want the Baron waking up to sunlight 288 00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,331 and being turned into barbecue meat. 289 00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,333 Yeah, really cover it. 290 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:23,944 He's made a lot of comments recently, like, 291 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,381 "I'm going to make you a vampire." 292 00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:29,210 This is a little coffin toy that, uh... 293 00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:31,865 I hope to be in one of these one day. 294 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,910 What ho, good friends. 295 00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,607 LARPERS: What ho! 296 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:38,915 There's still a few places to find virgins. 297 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,875 LARPing stands for Live Action Role Playing. 298 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,616 In regular life, I'm just Jonathan. 299 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,968 But here, I am a very high-level paladin. 300 00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:49,012 GUILLERMO: I'm not a killer. 301 00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:52,015 I find people who are easy... 302 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,539 to... kill. 303 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,019 Is that a 14th-century battle-ax? 304 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,804 Oh, it's so exciting. 305 00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,675 Uh, will we be able to touch the swords? 306 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,809 Oh, you'll touch the swords. 307 00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:06,943 NADJA: We moved here from Europe 308 00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:09,337 about 200 years ago because there was 309 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,906 a lot of prejudice against vampires at that time. 310 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,037 [people clamoring] 311 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:17,606 -[explosions, gunfire] -[man groans] 312 00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:19,260 They don't like the color of our skin. 313 00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,784 Or the fact that we killed and ate people. 314 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,787 Probably more that. 315 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,834 LASZLO: We're being very careful not to stand out, 316 00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,836 which is why we're both dressed down. 317 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,839 -Uh, good evening. -Go back to your own country. 318 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,797 What the fuck did you just say? 319 00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,625 You heard me, Ghost of Christmas Past bitch. 320 00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:37,974 Oh, Mike, shut up. 321 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,890 Silence to you. We've been here since 1861. 322 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:44,198 At least, our families have. 323 00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:45,982 Begone. 324 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,289 We should just suck their blood,I'm absolutely starving. 325 00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,899 -They're perfect. -No, I'm furious. 326 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,509 He just insulted me, I'm in fifth gear. 327 00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,511 -We should kill them. -Yes, that's what I'm saying. 328 00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:55,905 -We should suck their blood. -Yes. 329 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:57,254 [both moaning] 330 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:58,821 -LASZLO: Now? -NADJA: Wait. Wait, darling. 331 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,476 -Now? -Now! 332 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,695 What? [grunts] 333 00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,523 -Mike? -[slurping, Mike groaning] 334 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:06,960 Where the fuck are you? 335 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,396 [snarling, gulping] 336 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:09,701 What the fuck? 337 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:15,751 Yum, yum, yum. He was delicious. 338 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,622 Now, listen, I don't know about you, 339 00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:20,103 but I'm very much in the mood for some sexual intercourse. 340 00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:21,975 [both laughing] 341 00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,325 Darling. Right next to the public toilet? 342 00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,327 Yes. But why don't I get home, 343 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,982 get cleaned up, then we can carry on with our love-making. 344 00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:31,245 Um, I'm going to walk home. 345 00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,203 -[chuckles]-Why the hell would you do that? 346 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,683 Why would you walk home? 347 00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,685 When you could turn into a bat? 348 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,513 Bat! 349 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,821 [bat squeaking] 350 00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,347 NANDOR: I would like some of that, uh, 351 00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:49,002 colorful dust that sparkles. 352 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,265 -Glitter? -Yes. 353 00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,657 Get me some glitter. 354 00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,311 Whatever for, Master? 355 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,139 Oh, I want to do something special 356 00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:57,924 for the Immortal One's arrival. 357 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:01,275 I'm going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. 358 00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,364 Like Twilight. 359 00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:08,151 So deliciously macabre. 360 00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:11,111 -Creepy paper. -It's crepe paper. 361 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,765 -Creepy paper. -It's crepe paper, Master. 362 00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:16,812 Creepy... Oh, multipack. 363 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,510 Master, this is pretty "macarbre." 364 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,730 [groans] 365 00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:24,907 [gasps, screams] 366 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:28,171 NANDOR: Guillermo is my familiar, 367 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,608 but sometimes he's a little toofamiliar, you know what I mean? 368 00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,262 I mean, he's always just there. 369 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:34,047 I think it's good, Master. 370 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,787 NANDOR: I mean, he works really hard, 371 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,267 he's just not great at it. 372 00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,182 Guillermo, my cape is stuck. 373 00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:40,836 [Guillermo grunts] 374 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,185 I don't like saying this kind of thing 375 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:43,926 in front of him, of course. 376 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,320 Sorry, Guillermo. 377 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,713 I don't like saying this kind of thing in front of you. 378 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,846 That's okay, Master. 379 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,892 [scanner beeping] 380 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,201 Lot of glitter. 381 00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,510 -Cash or card? -Credit. 382 00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:04,077 You cannot pay with that. 383 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,817 GUILLERMO: I'm so sorry. 384 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:08,081 -Did you just throw a coin at me? -Yes. 385 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,126 Sir, you can't be throwing ancient coins at me. 386 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,954 -Just... Credit card's fine. -Guillermo, stab this man. 387 00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,043 -He's joking. -Stab him. 388 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,610 -Ahh... -Thank you. 389 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,525 -I tried, and... -Here you go, man. 390 00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,744 -Thank you so much. -You kind of disobeyed me just now. 391 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:20,789 And I'm noting it. 392 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:29,102 NADJA: Recently I have been seeing another man. 393 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:32,061 [rasping growl] 394 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:35,847 He doesn't see me, though, because I sneak behind him. 395 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:43,333 I watch him in the night, 396 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,726 in secret. 397 00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,090 In the old country, centuries ago, 398 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:03,353 I was in a very passionate love affair 399 00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,138 with a human man called Gregor. 400 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,575 He was a knight. 401 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:10,186 He got decapitated in battle. 402 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:13,276 I don't think I ever really got over Gregor. 403 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,061 Even when I met Laszlo. 404 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:16,888 June, I've lost my boot. 405 00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:19,630 June? 406 00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:21,067 Come on, June. 407 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,807 The man I saw last night, 408 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,635 I think it is him. 409 00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:28,161 I think it is my reincarnated ex-boyfriend Gregor, 410 00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,814 with his head. 411 00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:30,859 LASZLO: Put it on, June. 412 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:33,166 -Shut up, Laszlo! -Yes, there we are. 413 00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,863 Boot on. 414 00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:40,303 Okay, it's just down here somewhere. 415 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,436 Why haven't I been to this part of the house before? 416 00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,090 It's so lovely. 417 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:45,961 -No one has for 80 years. -[gasps] Gorgeous. 418 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,310 What are we doing down here? 419 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,051 There is a chamber, okay? 420 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,053 It's going to be perfect for the bloodfeast. 421 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,837 If we have the ceremony in here, 422 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:55,275 then you-know-who won't even need to know. 423 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:57,146 I mean Colin. 424 00:16:57,190 --> 00:17:00,149 -Colin, what are you doing in here? -Oh... 425 00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:03,065 This is my bedroom. I'm resting. 426 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,067 [door creaking] 427 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,199 -[hissing] -You idiot. 428 00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:07,635 I didn't know he was gonna be in there. 429 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,506 -Why didn't you check? -[stammering] 430 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,987 It's fine, we're gonna have the ceremony in the attic. 431 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,771 We can't, the StairMaster's in there. 432 00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:15,686 Well, we're going to move the StairMaster. 433 00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:18,341 [ship's horn bellows] 434 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:21,475 LASZLO: Is it definitely this boat? 435 00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:22,998 NANDOR: There he is. 436 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,434 NADJA: I knew he'd have a big box. 437 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:27,350 June, you need to go and fetch him. 438 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,223 [ship's horn bellows] 439 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,138 WHARFINGER: Sir, I just need someone to sign for it. 440 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:35,010 -Where's the pen? -So, the tablet is the paper. 441 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,143 Your finger is the pen. 442 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:39,536 Okay, that's weird. 443 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,451 Okay, that's nothing. 444 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,497 Both of you, for some reason, aren't registering here. 445 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:44,976 You got long nails maybe or something? 446 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,108 Would you like a go, Laszlo? 447 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,154 -Do you have a quill? -No, it's all digital. 448 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,894 Then I'm not signing that. 449 00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,592 Guillermo, give me your hand. 450 00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:54,247 -Ah. -Okay! 451 00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:57,554 GUILLERMO: I think the baron might be here 452 00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,687 to see me become a vampire. 453 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,690 That would be really cool. 454 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:06,041 [inhales sharply] I'm ready. 455 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,173 [exhales] 456 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,351 NADJA: I should be preparing for the bloodfeast, 457 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:14,702 but I can't seem to stay away from new Gregor. 458 00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:18,227 [whispers]: Man. Human man. Man! 459 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,579 -S-Sorry, what did you say? -Gregor, 460 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:23,798 it is you. 461 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,365 Oh, my name is Jeff. 462 00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:28,803 -Jeff? -J-Jeff Suckler. 463 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,762 My sweet Greg... Jeff S... 464 00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,590 Really-- J-Jeff Suckler? 465 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,419 -Yeah. -Ew. 466 00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:39,118 [somber organ music plays] 467 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:45,080 I call that "Nadja's Theme." 468 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,038 [clock chiming] 469 00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,957 [chiming stops] 470 00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,742 Guillermo, are the virgins arriving soon? 471 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,223 They should be any minute now, Master. 472 00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,354 -Fingers crossed. -[hissing] 473 00:18:58,398 --> 00:18:59,660 Sorry. 474 00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:02,097 Don't do that. 475 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,359 [doorbell rings] 476 00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:06,101 Ah. Dinner is served. 477 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,407 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.... 478 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,843 [door creaks open] 479 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,062 Hello. [chuckles] So glad you could make it. 480 00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:12,368 Please come in, quickly. 481 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:14,414 [quiet, indistinct chatter] 482 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:18,331 Everyone, this is Jenna and Jonathan. 483 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:19,767 -Hi. -Hi. 484 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:20,811 Are you virgins? 485 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,073 LASZLO: Mm. 486 00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:23,466 I don't see how that's relevant. 487 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,685 -Mm. -I'm actually 488 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,426 in a relationship online, 489 00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:29,037 but we've yet to meet IRL. 490 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,648 Well done, Guillermo. 491 00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:32,867 Yeah. 492 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,260 JONATHAN: All right, okay, let's do it. 493 00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,263 [indistinct chatter] 494 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:39,221 Are they a vampire LARP group? 495 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,788 Yeah, well, why don't we wait in here? 496 00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,485 The party's gonna start in a few minutes, 497 00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,227 so we can just hang out, and I'll come get you when... 498 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,447 [people moaning, muttering] 499 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,013 GUILLERMO: No. No, no, no! No, no, no, no. 500 00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:51,146 No, no, no. I said no! 501 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,235 [indistinct muttering, groaning continues] 502 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:54,715 [Guillermo exhales] 503 00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:57,587 We take our LARPing very seriously. 504 00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:01,374 And that was just an example. I wanted you to see that. 505 00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,506 I'm inspired. 506 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,639 So, are you a knight? 507 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,902 Yeah, I'm... Well, no, uh, sorry. 508 00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:09,947 I thought you were gonna say "night watchman." 509 00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,471 I'm a-I'm a night watchman 510 00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:13,473 Mmm. 511 00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:15,866 Protector of the people. 512 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,477 Oh, no, not-not really. 513 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,088 [laughing loudly] 514 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:26,181 Oh, my sweet Gregor-Jeff, 515 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,532 I forgot how much ofa fantastic raconteur you were. 516 00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:30,533 -[laughing] -Oh, yeah. 517 00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:31,752 Oh, yeah, yeah. 518 00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,449 Ooh, do you remember that first time 519 00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:36,147 that we made love, and it was so passionate 520 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,888 that I accidentally cut off your head? 521 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,499 -No. What? -Mm! 522 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:42,284 But then I kept going, squeezing 523 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,504 until my needs were met. Hmm. 524 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,375 We should do that again. 525 00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:49,073 But I mustn't. But I want to. 526 00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:50,423 But you can't. 527 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,686 But I have been married for such a long time. 528 00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,427 -[laughing] -Oh. 529 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:58,213 [groaning violently] 530 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,215 -I must go. -Okay. 531 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,521 -Let me just get your number before you go... -[bat squeaking] 532 00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:03,523 ...so we can... I can... we can do that again. 533 00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:06,134 Uh... 534 00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:08,179 ♪ 535 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,574 -You're late. -NANDOR: Throw it. 536 00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:13,489 That's it. 537 00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:15,752 Okay, Guillermo. 538 00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:20,670 We three... not counting Guillermo... or June... 539 00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:22,759 or you... 540 00:21:22,803 --> 00:21:25,501 are gathered here in accordancewith the ancient... 541 00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:26,763 Get on with it. 542 00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:28,156 -NADJA: Get on with it. -Guys. 543 00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:30,376 -In bearings with the ordinance-[hisses] 544 00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:33,466 of the nine generations that have surpassed us 545 00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:36,338 before this historic and memorable moment. 546 00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:37,905 [groans] 547 00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:41,212 Guillermo, open the casket 548 00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:43,606 of Baron Afanas. 549 00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:46,609 -[metal clicking] -Oh... 550 00:21:46,653 --> 00:21:48,437 Oh, it opens all by itself. 551 00:21:48,481 --> 00:21:50,483 It's so cool. 552 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,183 ♪ In nomine Patris♪ 553 00:21:55,226 --> 00:21:59,274 ♪ Et Filii♪ 554 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:02,451 ♪ Et Spiritus Sancti...♪ 555 00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:06,760 -[crunches] -[grunts] 556 00:22:06,803 --> 00:22:08,762 LASZLO: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa... 557 00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:11,547 I say, old chap, that's our familiar. 558 00:22:15,203 --> 00:22:17,553 [hyperventilating] 559 00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:20,077 Good God. 560 00:22:20,121 --> 00:22:21,644 Guillermo, did you see? 561 00:22:21,688 --> 00:22:23,298 He ate the familiar. 562 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:26,083 [roars] 563 00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:28,172 That's scary. 564 00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:30,653 Ne la materia 565 00:22:30,697 --> 00:22:33,395 che mai non dorme 566 00:22:33,439 --> 00:22:38,269 re de le forme. 567 00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:42,578 I have risen again. 568 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,755 Hello, Nadja. 569 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,496 Hello. 570 00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:49,585 He's so hilarious. 571 00:22:49,629 --> 00:22:51,631 -Laszlo. -LASZLO: Yes. 572 00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:54,285 I seem to remember him having genitals. 573 00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:56,592 NADJA: No, never. That is why he was such a good lover. 574 00:22:56,636 --> 00:22:59,334 Guillermo, fetch the virgins. 575 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,858 As an advocate of the old ways, 576 00:23:01,902 --> 00:23:04,644 -can I just apologize for the crepe paper? -NANDOR: Hey... 577 00:23:04,687 --> 00:23:06,689 It should have been human skin, obviously. 578 00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:09,605 And I deeply apologize for the StairMaster. 579 00:23:09,649 --> 00:23:12,216 -It's all his fault. -I go through all this effort, I get the creepy paper. 580 00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,305 -I get Guillermo to... -LASZLO: It's not "creepy." 581 00:23:14,349 --> 00:23:15,829 It's crepepaper, crepe. 582 00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:19,049 Silence! 583 00:23:19,093 --> 00:23:23,532 I come with a proclamation. 584 00:23:24,707 --> 00:23:26,840 The old ways... 585 00:23:26,883 --> 00:23:29,451 are over. 586 00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:30,844 Which is what I just said. 587 00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,847 The New World, as you call it, 588 00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:35,892 is our lifeline 589 00:23:35,936 --> 00:23:39,243 to an eternal future. 590 00:23:39,287 --> 00:23:40,549 Si... 591 00:23:42,595 --> 00:23:44,727 It's a documentary crew. They're cameras. 592 00:23:44,771 --> 00:23:46,163 It's like they're not even here. 593 00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:47,817 -They are filming me? -Yes. 594 00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:49,471 NANDOR: Just pretend like they're not there. 595 00:23:49,515 --> 00:23:51,038 It's kind of a natural piece. 596 00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:52,735 You were saying, Baron? 597 00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:55,129 Centuries have passed, 598 00:23:55,172 --> 00:23:59,525 and you have not conquered the New World. 599 00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:02,484 You hide in the shadows. 600 00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:04,530 Bah. You are weak. 601 00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:05,705 JONATHAN: Oh, God. Oh... 602 00:24:05,748 --> 00:24:07,489 NANDOR: Not now, Guillermo. 603 00:24:07,533 --> 00:24:09,491 GUILLERMO: Go, go, go. Go, go, go. 604 00:24:09,535 --> 00:24:11,188 -Go. -BARON: Oh, by now, 605 00:24:11,232 --> 00:24:14,540 you should rule this, this, uh... 606 00:24:14,583 --> 00:24:17,717 -what is this place again? -Staten Island. 607 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,762 This Staten Island. 608 00:24:19,806 --> 00:24:21,982 [thunder crashes, metal clatters] 609 00:24:22,025 --> 00:24:24,680 Is this Staten Island the seat of power 610 00:24:24,724 --> 00:24:26,639 in the New World? 611 00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:29,293 It is where the boat dropped us off. 612 00:24:29,337 --> 00:24:32,645 Down with the old ways. Up with t-the New World. 613 00:24:32,688 --> 00:24:35,517 I've been saying it for centuries, and he would never 614 00:24:35,561 --> 00:24:37,780 -listen... -Shh. 615 00:24:37,824 --> 00:24:41,697 Mm. I must slumber. 616 00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:43,699 But when I awaken, 617 00:24:43,743 --> 00:24:46,746 we will rule this... 618 00:24:46,789 --> 00:24:48,791 Staten Island. 619 00:24:48,835 --> 00:24:51,228 Y-Yes. 620 00:24:51,272 --> 00:24:52,665 -Yes! -Yes. 621 00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:53,883 Nadja? 622 00:24:53,927 --> 00:24:56,930 Baron. [laughs] 623 00:24:56,973 --> 00:25:00,760 -Laszlo. -Baron. 624 00:25:00,803 --> 00:25:01,848 It's Nandor. 625 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:06,505 [wind whooshing, thunder crashes] 626 00:25:07,810 --> 00:25:09,203 LASZLO: Thank God. 627 00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:10,596 NANDOR: The Baron is furious with us. 628 00:25:10,639 --> 00:25:13,555 It's so dumb that I wore glitter. 629 00:25:13,599 --> 00:25:14,774 Let's get rid of this shit. 630 00:25:14,817 --> 00:25:16,340 If we don't conquer the New World, 631 00:25:16,384 --> 00:25:17,690 he's going to kill us. 632 00:25:17,733 --> 00:25:19,605 Again. 633 00:25:19,648 --> 00:25:22,433 -Basically, we're fucked. -Fucked. [groans] 634 00:25:24,827 --> 00:25:26,786 NANDOR: Well, that was a complete disaster. 635 00:25:26,829 --> 00:25:28,831 At least we have the virgins. 636 00:25:30,311 --> 00:25:32,835 -[keys jingle] -Uh, yes. 637 00:25:32,879 --> 00:25:34,576 [lock clicks] 638 00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:36,665 [indistinct chatter] 639 00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:38,406 ...for an economy car. 640 00:25:38,449 --> 00:25:40,626 -NANDOR: Oh, great. -GUILLERMO: We're too late. 641 00:25:40,669 --> 00:25:43,585 Colin Robinson has drained themof all their energy. 642 00:25:43,629 --> 00:25:45,979 COLIN: "How are you gonna wash this car?" 643 00:25:46,022 --> 00:25:48,285 NANDOR: They have no nutritional value now. 644 00:25:48,329 --> 00:25:49,722 COLIN: And I know you two said you don't drive, 645 00:25:49,765 --> 00:25:51,637 and don't have driver's licenses, 646 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,726 but are you gonna do a... 647 00:25:53,769 --> 00:25:55,075 a-a different type of car wash, 648 00:25:55,118 --> 00:25:57,643 maybe having detailing done? 649 00:25:57,686 --> 00:26:00,210 Now, detailing, they go into your car 650 00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:02,735 and they get into the nooks and crannies, so... 651 00:26:02,778 --> 00:26:05,302 Anyway, you take care, okay? 652 00:26:11,787 --> 00:26:13,746 You are glum, Guillermo. 653 00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:15,399 -[quietly]: No. -Yes. 654 00:26:15,443 --> 00:26:17,401 You think that I've forgotten that tonight 655 00:26:17,445 --> 00:26:20,230 is a special occasion for you as well, haven't you? 656 00:26:21,536 --> 00:26:23,538 ♪ 657 00:26:26,062 --> 00:26:28,543 Does not an anniversary deserve a reward 658 00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:31,720 recognizing your years of service? 659 00:26:31,764 --> 00:26:32,982 [song in foreign language playing] 660 00:26:33,026 --> 00:26:34,897 I'm ready, Master. 661 00:26:34,941 --> 00:26:36,507 Good. 662 00:26:36,551 --> 00:26:39,075 Prepare yourself. 663 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:40,599 [exhales] 664 00:26:43,689 --> 00:26:46,692 Happy anniversary, Guillermo. 665 00:26:50,957 --> 00:26:54,656 -Wow... -It's a glitter portrait. 666 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:58,921 It's a portrait made from glitter. 667 00:26:58,965 --> 00:27:00,706 Look, it's you. 668 00:27:00,749 --> 00:27:03,099 I made you a vampire. 669 00:27:03,143 --> 00:27:04,710 And look who's next to you. 670 00:27:04,753 --> 00:27:06,102 It's me. 671 00:27:06,146 --> 00:27:08,801 -Wow. -Enjoy it. 672 00:27:08,844 --> 00:27:11,934 You can put it in your depressing room. 673 00:27:11,978 --> 00:27:16,156 And you deserve it. Two years of service. 674 00:27:16,199 --> 00:27:17,853 T-Ten. 675 00:27:17,897 --> 00:27:19,725 Ten years of service. [inhales sharply] 676 00:27:19,768 --> 00:27:22,902 -Ten. -Ten years of service? 677 00:27:22,945 --> 00:27:24,599 [mouths] 678 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,820 Okay. 679 00:27:27,863 --> 00:27:29,735 [Nandor sighs] 680 00:27:29,778 --> 00:27:31,780 ♪ 681 00:27:50,886 --> 00:27:52,888 NANDOR: Night, Guillermo. 682 00:27:57,806 --> 00:28:00,766 ♪ Tonight in the moonlight♪ 683 00:28:00,809 --> 00:28:04,160 ♪ When I'm alone with you♪ 684 00:28:04,204 --> 00:28:07,990 ♪ Tonight in the moonlight♪ 685 00:28:08,034 --> 00:28:10,732 ♪ With you.♪ 686 00:28:15,824 --> 00:28:17,434 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 687 00:28:17,478 --> 00:28:20,220 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 688 00:28:20,263 --> 00:28:23,223 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 689 00:28:23,266 --> 00:28:26,313 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 690 00:28:26,356 --> 00:28:28,837 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 691 00:28:28,881 --> 00:28:31,057 ♪ 692 00:28:45,593 --> 00:28:47,508 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 693 00:28:50,076 --> 00:28:53,862 [eerie chanting] 694 00:28:55,472 --> 00:28:57,561 [high-pitched screaming] 695 00:28:57,605 --> 00:29:00,086 [chanting continues] 696 00:29:01,957 --> 00:29:06,048 [singing in foreign language] 697 00:29:06,092 --> 00:29:08,921 [woman warbling] 698 00:29:08,964 --> 00:29:10,923 [hissing] 699 00:29:10,966 --> 00:29:11,837 [flames roaring] 700 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,490 -Oh! -Aaah! 701 00:29:13,534 --> 00:29:16,189 ANNOUNCER: What We Do in the Shadows. 702 00:29:16,232 --> 00:29:19,018 All new Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX. 703 00:29:20,889 --> 00:29:23,979 -We're not having a wedding. -We're eloping, suckas! 704 00:29:24,023 --> 00:29:26,852 [gasps]It's like Inceptionfor pooping. 705 00:29:26,895 --> 00:29:28,244 -[muffled screaming] -[chiming] 706 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:30,812 [screaming] 707 00:29:30,856 --> 00:29:32,858 ANNOUNCER: You're the Worst. The final season. 708 00:29:32,901 --> 00:29:35,034 All new. Wednesdays at 10:00 only on FXX. 709 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,994 [grunts] How did this happen? Uh! 710 00:29:40,866 --> 00:29:42,302 Have you been under a lot of stress lately? 711 00:29:42,345 --> 00:29:44,652 There's mean-girl issues with my youngest, 712 00:29:44,695 --> 00:29:46,219 and birth control with my oldest. 713 00:29:46,262 --> 00:29:48,047 My boyfriend broke up with me. 714 00:29:48,090 --> 00:29:49,744 -Which one? -Um... 715 00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,007 -And some mornings, I just...-Oh, my God. 716 00:29:53,226 --> 00:29:55,532 Fun mom! Hey! 717 00:29:55,576 --> 00:29:57,839 Can you please arrange for a pleasant dream while I'm under? 718 00:29:57,883 --> 00:30:00,755 -It's my specialty, dear. -Guess what my specialty is. 719 00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:01,843 [wheezing laugh] 720 00:30:01,887 --> 00:30:03,540 ANNOUNCER: Better Things. 721 00:30:03,584 --> 00:30:06,152 All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX. 722 00:30:07,893 --> 00:30:10,025 -[fanfare] -[rhythmic breathing, drums] 723 00:30:10,069 --> 00:30:13,942 [rhythmic stomping] 724 00:30:16,771 --> 00:30:18,860 -[stops] -Again. 725 00:30:18,904 --> 00:30:22,733 ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 726 00:30:22,783 --> 00:30:27,333 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 50247

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