Original subtitles

-She's back with Charles? -Yep.

What's with that?

He's such an ass.

I can't believe you actually stayed for dinner.

Yeah, I wanted to slit my throat.

Speaking of which, what happened with Lingual?

We just need to move on.

Yeah, it's so incestuous.

We should be dating, you know.

We're actors.

We're supposed to get together with a lot of women.

That's what they say.

Doesn't seem that way.

We still have some youth.

We're experienced.

Not that experienced.

-We're charming. -Intelligent.

We just don't get out much.

We need to party.

Yeah?

Where?

Graeme's place.

Where anyone who's anyone goes to party and be seen.

Hey, girls.

Just curious.

Is something wrong with your eyes?

Are you allergic to the lights or something?

Good job, dude.

Hey, dude.

I got this thick and lost weight.

What do you think about this one?

-Those are some eight packs. -Yep.

Hey, I heard they shade in the abs to make them pump out.

Shade in the abs to pump out?

Come on, man.

Take a look at this, man.

Is the real deal.

What do you think?

Nice.

Oh, man, you can do your laundry here.

-Go ahead have a feel. -Really?

Yeah, man, come on, you'll never get a chance again.

Let's go!

Oh, yeah. How it feels?

Really hard.

Hey, hey. There's Graeme.

Hey, thanks, Mr Abs.

Here.

Sure.

Graeme. Hey.

Hey!

It's the boys. Long time no see.

You come alone?

Well, yeah.

Not going home alone though, huh?

-Well, that's not why we came. -Yeah.

I see the reason why you came...

You wanna know how to make these celebs like you?

-Yeah. -Sure.

Okay.

Half the battle is that no one approaches them...

...'cause they think they're untouchable but that's not true.

They're incredibly insecure.

Really?

You gotta approach them to disarm their self defense mechanism.

They think everybody's talking to them, 'cause they're beautiful and famous.

Every dweeb is trying to put them on a pedestal

Alright, you really gotta talk to them.

Not about like trying to pick them up or whether they're into you or not.

You have to discuss something more important than who they are.

Right? So you break them down then you insult them...

...then slowly, you build them back up.

Let me demonstrate.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Are you talking to me?

Yes, actually, only to say you're standing in way of my light.

That's better!

Now I can see your face.

Not bad.

I can see that face going somewhere.

Really?

Thanks!

He's good.

Okay, so the three steps are, one, the fake out.

Two, the put down.

And three, the slow build.

Hey, hey, check it out. I'm gonna try.

Okay, go. Go, go.

Hey!

Is is snowing in here?

Oh, I'm sorry, it's just your dandruff.

You really shouldn't wear black.

Which part of that was the slow build?

Man, this is hard.

Hey!

The food in this party totally sucks!

Like you would know, you don't look like you eat.

But I mean that in a good way.

Totally works.

Up top!

I heard if eat acidic food, it can dissolve all my cellulite.

Do you think that's really true?

Yeah, the same way eating ice cream freezes your brain.

OMG!

Yeah!

That's why I can't think after meals.

Do you know how there are diets for your blood type?

I'm having a diet for my hair type.

Oh, so what's your hair type?

So I'm on a straight hair diet.

Is your hair normally straight?

No, it's re-bonded.

So shouldn't you be on a wavy hair diet then?

Oh, my God!

I never thought of that.

Hey, you wanna go make out?

Okay.

How was that for you?

Better than talking.

Not much better.

-Do you wanna go? -Yeah, let's get out of here.

Hey!

You boys ready to move to the next level?

There's a next level?

Menage et toi.

Oh, yeah, that's French for two chicks.

Actually it's French for threesome.

Actually, yourself is implied.

Unless you want another guy in there.

-Shut up. -No, you shut up.

-You shut up. -You shut up.

You guys wanna learn or not?

It can be learnt?

You're probably thinking it's impossible.

Here's the breakdown.

Find two girls who are obviously good friends.

They are physically comfortable with one another,

and they already want to sleep with one another.

They just don't know it yet.

Next, you tell them about this amazing experience that you recently had.

What's it called?

The Shaman massage.

Where two people massage you in perfect synchronization.

Your conscious mind short circuits,

your body disconnects from everything around you,

and it feels like there are thousand hands massaging you.

All at once.

Then, you invite them to try it.

Got it?

Trust me you guys, it works.

I am so gonna try it.

Are you kidding me?

Can you really handle two girls at once?

Just so you know, Jimmy was better in bed than you.

What are you saying? What do you mean?

I can handle two girls. What makes you say that?

-I'm not saying anything. -No, what you saying?

-Nothing. Why you being so defensive? -No, shut up. I'll prove it to you.

Prove what?

Just watch and learn.

Hi, there. Hey.

Nice ears.

Yeah, I didn't know this was a costume party.

Anyhow, I was... I just got back from the Amazon,

and I met this Shaman and it was a totally spiritual experience.

Are you Jimmy Chan? The Green Mist?

Yeah, I guess I am.

That was an amazing role.

Really? You must be the only one who saw it.

I loved it.

Did you do all your stunts?

Well...

Yeah.

Can I feel your biceps?

Jimmy?

Jimmy?

Can I feel your biceps?

Yeah, sure.

I'm Clare.

Jimmy.

Can I call you Green Mist?

Why not?

Have a seat.

My consciousness is like short circuiting,

and it's like a gazillion hands all over my body.

And you know, you wanna try it?

-Okay. -Okay.

I'm in deep shit.

Good morning, my Green Mist.

Good morning!

I better get dressed, and get ready for work.

I'm already dressed.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that last night.

I guess I'll call you after...

...work.

So Jimmy and I were at Graeme's celebrity parties...

...and he's teaching us how to pick us celebrities.

-Wait, Jimmy was picking up celebrities? -Yeah, whatever.

So the point I'm trying to make is I meet these two friends...

...and they are perfect for a Shaman massage.

What?

So we get to the bedroom.

So what's up with the ears?

We like to be pussy cats.

And what's up with the camera?

We don't ever want you to forget this night.

So who wants to start with the Shaman massage first?

Oh, Bob, cut the crap.

We all know why we're here.

Let's start with some shots?

To get warmed up.

Yeah, heck, yeah!

If you want us both,

you gonna have to do one for her,

and one for me.

Okay. Easy!

Double shots.

Yeah!

Good boy.

Yeah.

They had a camera, Bob.

I was so drunk, I didn't care.

Oh, no, I can see where this is going.

Hey.

You want some mum-mum?

I'm sorry what?

Some mum-mum?

-You mean food? -Yeah.

Some mum-mum?

Welcome back to episode 13 of confessions of a man whore.

Yet another episode of a man...

...who thinks it's okay to manipulate and objectify women for his own needs.

I can't watch it again.

They were so manipulative.

I can't believe it!

Just be supportive, okay.

I'll be in the other room.

Yeah, go, go. I'm gonna watch.

We really really want to know more about you, Bob.

What drives you?

What made you want us?

You guys are hot.

Sexy.

Bob, cut through the superficiality.

We want to hear the truth.

Yeah, yeah, the truth.

It was someone at the party, wasn't it?

Were you proving something?

Was it a girl?

What she do to you?

What she say?

You're safe here, Bob.

We will take care of you.

You can tell us.

She started it.

What's her name?

Lingual.

What happened?

Well, we had this big argument.

Then she accused me for driving her to suicide.

You drove me to suicide.

I drove you to suicide?

Yes!

It wasn't suicide, and you know it.

It was emotional blackmail.

Get out!

-Are you serious? -Just get out of my house, get out.

Just so you know, Jimmy was better in bed than you.

That my best friend Jimmy is better in bed than me.

And I think she still loves him.

Hey, Bob.

Hey.

Haven't seen you in a few days.

Yeah, I've been busy.

Yeah? Last time I saw you,

you were leaving Graeme's party with two girls.

You remember the menage et tois?

Welcome back to episode 13 of confessions of a man whore.

So, yeah, you haven't heard anything about that, right?

Why would I have heard anything?

I haven't seen you for three days.

Oh, yeah, right.

So what happened?

It's not what you think. We just stayed up all night and talked.

You just talked?

Bob, you didn't chicken out, did you?

No, I didn't chicken out.

What's wrong with just talking?

Well, there's nothing wrong with just talking.

I'm just saying it's hard enough to satisfy one women, let alone two!

Okay, I don't have a problem.

I didn't say you had a problem.

Yeah, I know. Whatever.

So what happened with you?

I got recognized.

Remember that indie action flick I did?

Oh, yeah, the one that went straight to DVD?

Yeah, thanks.

Anyways, apparently, someone well someone still watches DVDs.

Are you Jimmy Chan the Green Mist?

Yeah, I guess I am.

I thought it would be the perfect distraction...

...but it's turned out to be a nightmare.

Does Green Mist wanna huggie-wuggie?

Clare is so happy to see you, Green Mist.

Give me a kissi-wissy.

She's a baby talker.

That's really strange, dude.

Tell me about it.

So it ended quickly, though?

Not really.

Clare, I don't think this is working out.

What?

I just think maybe we should stop dating.

No!

Don't want.

Can we just stop the baby talk for a second so we can discuss this.

Don't want! Don't want! Don't want!

-Clare? What are you... -No.

Clare?

Clare can you get up off the ground?

Can we just discuss this properly?

Don't want! Don't want!

Okay, I got it! I got it!

Don't want, right?

Yes. Don't want.

Okay.

Green Mist sorry that...

Green mist made Clare bear feel baddy-waddy, okay?

Yes. Green Mist make Clare bear feel baddy waddy.

Does Clare bear wanna be picked up by Green Mist?

Yes, I want Green Mist to pick me up.

Okay, Green Mist picking up Clare bear.

Here we go.

Green Mist didn't mean to make you feel bad, okay?

I feel better now.

Oh good, good.

And I am getting turned on, by my Green Mist.

So I couldn't break up with her...

...but then I thought, well, she's a true fan.

And maybe the sex is good, I mean baby talk's a new thing.

Who am I to Judge? We're all for new experiences.

We're actors after all, right?

Except...

Green Mist is so big and strong.

Green Mist wants to snuggle with Clare bear.

Green Mist wants to nibble Clare bear's ear?

Nibble nibble wibble Clare bear?

Nibble nibble wibble...

Mum-mum!

Mum-mum!

Mum-mum!

Mum-mum! Mum-mum! Mum-mum!

Mum-mum! Mum-mum!

Mum-mum!

Mum-mum! Mum-mum!

I got goosebumps in all the wrong places.

That's really strange dude.

Bob, I need to talk to you, right now!

-Does he know? -Know what?

Nothing. In my room, now.

Know what?

Charles not joining us?

He's away on business.

So we only see you when Charles is away?

It's better that way, don't you think?

Yeah, it is.

Look, I'm sorry about what he said to you.

He feels threatened by you.

Really? Why?

I don't know.

I guess I talk about you a lot.

I promise to make it up to you.

Is that why we're here?

I just wanted to show you something...

...that Bob will probably never want you to see.

-Why? -You'll see.

Just don't tell him I showed it to you.

It's all over YouTube anyway, so you'd see it eventually.

So trying to have a menage et toi...

...and then making an online video about our private lives...

...was your way of getting closer to me?

Look, I know you're upset with my, Bob, but this is sick.

Well, if you watched the video, you'd know you drove me to it.

-I drove you to this? -Yeah.

That's emotional blackmail, Bob!

That's not even true.

You want me to feel pity for you, don't you?

Haven't we had this conversation before?

You drove me to suicide.

I drove you to suicide?

It wasn't suicide and you know it, it was emotional blackmail.

-What? -Get out.

Get out.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that was fit.

You spittled.

Welcome back to episode 13 of Confessions of a Man Whore.

No.

-What? -You can tell us!

She started it.

What's her name?

Lingual.

Oh, my God.

What happened?

Can you believe it?

The girl I'm interested in, Lingual,

tells me, that my best friend Jimmy,

is better in bed than me.

And I think, she still loves him.

So Bob thinks Lingual is still in love with me?

Look, what Lingual said to Bob, it's hard for anyone to hear.

I think you need take down everything to do with Lingual that's in your room.

Why?

You gotta put that relationship to rest.

You gotta give them a chance.

Yeah, you're right.

But how?

Stay away from them awhile.

Stay away? Where would I go?

Well, you could come to my place.

Give them some space.

What?

So Charles, who's threatened by me, wouldn't have a problem with that?

Look, I'm sorry about the video I was just trying to prove myself.

Hey, you don't have to prove anything.

I failed anyway.

It's not his place, it's mine.

Besides I'm a grown up, and you're my friend.

What's gonna happen?

I wish I could take it all back.

And it's not true.

What you said at the end of the video.

Let me prove it to you?