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ADULT ADAM: The '80s marked the rise of the cooking show.
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00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,963
There was Yan,
The Galloping Gourmet,
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00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,140
the Cajun cook, and,
of course, a Swedish Muppet.
4
00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:13,013
But my mom's lifelong hero
was Julia Child.
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00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,492
I'm Julia Child.
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00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,103
ADULT ADAM: Julia's show,
The French Chef,
7
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:18,192
was the inspiration
for our family's
8
00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:21,064
deliciously cheesy
"French phase."
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00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,762
BEVERLY: For Erica,
savory Quiche Lorraine.
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00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,895
For Murray,
melty cheese fondue.
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00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:29,072
It's like nachos
without the hassle.
12
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:33,120
And for
my hungry bear, potatoes au gratin, extra gratin.
13
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:36,123
This is gonna wreck me.
Thanks, Mom.
14
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:37,689
ADULT ADAM: Julia even
inspired my mom to write
15
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,256
The Beverly Goldberg
Cookbook.
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00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,345
She sent it to
every publisher in town,
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00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:44,261
confident that she'd take
the cooking world by storm.
18
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,436
Or... Not.
19
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,308
Aw, honey,
what's wrong?
20
00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:48,874
Nothing.
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00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:50,963
I'm just tearing up 'cause
Julia's chopping an onion.
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00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:54,097
You do know that
that onion is on TV, right?
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00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,317
[VOICE BREAKING]
Okay, fine! [SNIFFLES]
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00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,014
It's my cookbook.
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00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,103
I sent it out to
some publishers,
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00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:03,324
and they said I was poop
and that my cooking was poop
27
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,587
and that my
one and only dream is poop!
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00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,328
No one has
just one dream, Bevy.
29
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,373
I'm sure you got
plenty of others.
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00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,158
[SNIFFS] Well,
like Barry becomes a doctor,
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00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,812
Erica wins a Grammy,
Adam gets a rare disease
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00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:15,162
that prevents
his snuggly little body
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00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:17,381
from developing
into a full adult man.
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00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,036
Bev, none of those dreams
are about you,
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00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,517
and one in particular
is very troubling.
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00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,954
Damn it, I know!
Erica's never gonna win a Grammy!
37
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:27,391
Okay, I'm sure it's not
as bad as ya think.
38
00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:28,740
Lemme see that letter.
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00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,438
Take your pick.
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00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:34,181
"Dear Ms. Goldberg,
your blending of fish and veal
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00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:37,358
"is both upsetting
and against God's plan."
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00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:40,143
[SOBBING]
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00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,276
♪ I'm twisted up inside
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00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:45,148
♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
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00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:49,848
♪ I don't know the future
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00:01:49,892 --> 00:01:53,504
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,898
ADULT ADAM:
It was March 13th, 1980-something,
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00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:58,422
and my brother had
a new concern about his future.
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00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:01,512
Listen up. I've got some
deeply upsetting news, JTP.
50
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:03,993
ALL: JTP!
No! Not the time.
51
00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,516
Mr. Glascott just called
52
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,388
an emergency college
meeting with me
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00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,954
by chasing me down the hall.
54
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,304
Oh, no. What's wrong?
55
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,523
Turns out, we all need
recommendation letters
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00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,395
from teachers to
get into college.
57
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:15,831
And?
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00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,616
Wait, you all knew about this
and didn't tell me?
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00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,009
I tried to tell you,
but you said...
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00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:22,968
Stop speaking, Matt Bradley!
Yeah, that e-exactly.
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00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,622
Seriously,
you all have 'em?
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00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:27,190
Definitely to rub it in your
face, but Geoff got 12 reccos.
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00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,888
Twelve? That's almost
a baker's dozen!
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00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:31,673
Gimme one.
65
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,631
I'll just open it and
change the name from Geoff to Big Tasty.
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00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,633
ALL: No!
What's the big deal?
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00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,157
Bar, those letters
were written about me.
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00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,419
And they need to be
sent in sealed
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00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:40,160
so the admissions people
know they're legit.
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00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,683
So, you're saying
I'm going to actually
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00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:44,207
have to ask a teacher to
write nice stuff about me?
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00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,904
Ha! You're not
going to college.
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00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:47,471
College-what?
Who said college?
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00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:48,690
Whoa, where'd he come from?
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00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,605
For a big man,
he moves like a phantom.
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00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:52,041
Because college is the only
thing that matters to me...
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00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,347
That and the thermostat.
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00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:56,132
Okay, don't freak out
and call me a moron,
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00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,918
but I've apparently thus far
failed to "obtain"
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00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:05,359
a "recommendation letter"
from a "teacher" at "school."
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00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:07,926
Stop with the quotes.
My God, I raised a moron.
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00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,798
You have.
"This is your fault."
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00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:11,452
ADULT ADAM: Luckily,
our school had
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00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:12,888
an insanely nice
science teacher
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00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,063
who couldn't say no to anyone.
86
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,412
Dr. Katman?
Down here!
87
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,414
Oh, no!
88
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:18,894
You're lying on
a bed of nails!
89
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,636
Physics is just so bitchin'!
Am I right?
90
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,333
[LAUGHS]
Wanna try?
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00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:26,206
Mmm. Well anyway,
I know this is last minute,
92
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:27,642
but apparently you
gotta have a teacher
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00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:30,558
write you a college
rec...Aw, buddy!
94
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:33,474
I am so honored
you asked me. Truly, man!
95
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,258
Really?
Call me a proton!
96
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,217
That's how positive I am!
97
00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,610
Dude, I really
owe you one!Stop.
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00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:43,092
Just like a neutron,
there's no charge. [LAUGHS]
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00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,486
And also please
don't put any of those jokes in my letter.
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00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:47,531
ADULT ADAM: With that,
Barry's problem was solved.
101
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:50,621
And after all
my mom's rejection letters,
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00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,971
she turned to her hero,
Julia Child, for answers.
103
00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:54,451
Adam, I need your help.
104
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:56,975
This is a legitimate,
real emergency.
105
00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,760
Oh, my God, what?
106
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:03,068
I've thought of a super-easy,
foolproof way to sell my book.
107
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,983
I'm gonna do a cooking show
like Julia Child,
108
00:04:05,027 --> 00:04:08,204
and you are gonna
be my director and my on-camera sidekick.
109
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,423
I didn't follow any of that,
110
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,642
but I'm pretty sure
it's not an emergency.
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00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:14,428
You know, at first,
the rejection letters were devastating,
112
00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:17,692
but then I remembered
that Julia didn't become famous
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00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:20,303
'til she was 50
and had her own cooking show!
114
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,305
Huh?
That's where you come in.
115
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:23,654
Or go out
as fast as I can
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00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,221
'cause what you just said
is horrifying.
117
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,658
But this is so
up your alley, Adam.
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00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,573
You're always running around
with a video camera.
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00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:32,663
Me? Nah, that's like
the opposite of what I do.
120
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:34,578
You got a camera
in your hand right now.
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00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,319
Good eye!
[CHUCKLES] Good eye.
122
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:37,799
Thing is,
I was just about to
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00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,410
put this in the garage
'cause making childish movies
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00:04:40,454 --> 00:04:41,759
just doesn't
appeal to me anymore.
125
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,805
Let's start filming, kiddo.
126
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:47,417
This karate tortoise outfit
is already making me schvitz.
127
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:50,202
Okay, fine!
I still make awesome movies!
128
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:52,814
But I honestly don't know
the first thing about making a cooking show.
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00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:56,992
ADAM: It's
The Chadam Cooking Hour: episode 140!
130
00:04:57,035 --> 00:05:00,822
Okay, fine!
I made six years' worth of cooking shows!
131
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:02,476
Doesn't mean
I can help you!
132
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,826
Adam, please.
Be my cooking sidekick.
133
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,306
It's my dream.
134
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,917
Adam, I saw
the rejection letters!
135
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,353
It was too much!
136
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:13,182
Just help the lady
with her dream!
137
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,576
Even if I wanted to help,
I don't run a TV station.
138
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,186
I'm just a kid
with a camera.
139
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,014
What about public access?
140
00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,016
They'll let anyone on there.
141
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:25,499
I watch this one program
where a lady answers tax questions in a bikini.
142
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:28,197
Her information
is definitely wrong,
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00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,721
but I'm a loyal viewer.
BEVERLY: Perfect.
144
00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:32,984
I'm gonna call public access
and verbally harass
145
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:34,421
the first person
who picks up
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00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,074
and tell them that
we are coming down there!
147
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,815
We're gonna be TV stars!
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00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:40,731
ADULT ADAM: While I was facing a world of embarrassment,
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00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:43,647
Barry was ready to rub his recco letter in Erica's face.
150
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,954
Hey, my Caboodle!
Erica's Caboodle!
151
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,477
BARRY: Silence!
152
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:51,394
In my hand, I hold a glowing
recco from Dr. Katman.
153
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,396
Oh, man, what a relief!
Yeah.
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00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,180
Feels good to know
I'm not gonna be
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00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:58,445
a full-time drain on society
like your miserable couch sloth of a girlfriend.
156
00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:01,622
Excuse me?
You've worn sweats for six straight days.
157
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,450
You get it.
Well, I wouldn't be so cocky.
158
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,626
You don't even know what
that teacher wrote about you.
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00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:08,324
I'm sure it's great.
Dr. Katman's super nice and also,
160
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,978
he has, like,
the most hilarious science jokes.
161
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:12,415
They guy's nice, all right.
If anything, too nice.
162
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,417
The kind of nice
you almost don't trust.
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00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:15,462
It's like,
"What are you hiding, man?"
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00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:17,899
It is like he's hiding
something.
165
00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:19,074
Erica, stop.
166
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,728
Don't whip him
into a frenzy
167
00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:23,687
just because
he commented on your current life situation.
168
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:25,776
I'm not. I'm just stating
the simple fact
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00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,561
that one single letter
can ruin his life forever.
170
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,214
I gotta see
what's in this letter!
171
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:30,781
Barry, stop.
You can't look at that.
172
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,392
Wait, I got something.
173
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:33,871
What's "poosnicken" mean?
174
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,264
Is that good
from an educator?
175
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:36,483
Doesn't sound good.
176
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,006
Ta.
177
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,529
[MUMBLING]
Couch sloth my ass.
178
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:42,053
Dude, she's just
messing with you 'cause she's in a bad place.
179
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:43,359
Yeah, I know.
You're right.
180
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,144
And yet, it's too late.
I assumed.
181
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:49,191
ADULT ADAM: And so,
Barry broke the sacred code of the recco letter
182
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,933
using a high-tech method
he learned from watching Murder, She Wrote.
183
00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,022
Oh, crap! It worked!
184
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,590
"It is a great honor
and privilege to give
185
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:59,549
"Barry Goldberg
my highest recommendation."
186
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:02,160
Uh, Bar? The steam
is making the ink run!
187
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:03,771
Don't panic!
We'll just dry it off with the iron.
188
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:05,512
[SIZZLING]
189
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:08,036
Oh, no!
The iron's intense heat is burning the paper!
190
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:11,082
Don't panic.
I'll just spray it with water from this bottle.
191
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:13,433
Oh, no! The charred
remnants are soaked,
192
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:15,130
and now the ink's
running even more!
193
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:16,958
Don't panic!
I'll just hit it with the iron again!
194
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,481
[SIZZLING]
195
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:19,743
Let me try to piece it
back together!
196
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,658
Time to panic!
Aah! Aah!
197
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,573
The charred remnants
are burning my hands!
198
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:25,445
ADULT ADAM: While Barry
destroyed his letter,
199
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:28,883
my mom was taking a page
from Julia Child for our first rehearsal.
200
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:31,015
And action.
201
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,800
Hi, I'm Adam.
202
00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,671
[IMITATING JULIA CHILD]
Hello! I'm Beverly Goldberg.
203
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,281
Welcome to
The Goldberg Gourmet.
204
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,501
Bon appetit!
205
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:39,763
And cut.
206
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:42,984
Okay, I got some
performance notes.
207
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:46,074
[NORMAL VOICE] Hit me.
So, you're a human person.
208
00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:47,858
So, you should
talk like one.
209
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:50,861
And action.
210
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,472
[IMITATING JULIA CHILD]
Well, hello!Cut.
211
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:53,951
Hello!
Cut.
212
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:56,345
Hello, I'm Beverly Goldberg...
Cut!
213
00:07:56,388 --> 00:08:00,088
Welcome to
The Goldberg Gourmet. Bon appetit.
214
00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:01,481
And... Cut.
215
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,308
I think
I know what's happening.
216
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,397
Seems whenever I say "action,"
217
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:08,183
your mom panics
and becomes Julia Child.
218
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,794
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh,
don't be ridiculous! Here, I'll prove it.
219
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,536
Say "action"
and watch me cook.Action.
220
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,538
[IMITATING JULIA CHILD]
This lovely dish is made
221
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:18,193
with saltwater prawns,
Parmesan cheese,
222
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,282
and butter
because butter is better!
223
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,458
I'm Julia Child!
Cut.
224
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,329
[NORMAL VOICE] Okay, maybe
I am doing a little something.
225
00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:25,809
And I'm doing
a lot of quitting.
226
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:27,332
Good luck
with your project.Wait, why?
227
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,726
'Cause you're gonna
embarrass me on public television,
228
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:30,988
seen by dozens.
229
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,990
And it doesn't matter to you
that this might
230
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,210
actually help
sell my cookbook?No!
231
00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:38,126
'Cause my mom
making a cookbook is also embarrassing,
232
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,782
and so are your aprons
and weird parm dishes and everything about you.
233
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,697
It's pure embarrassment,
234
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,960
and you have no idea
what it feels like.
235
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,353
Oh-ho, and you think
I'm never embarrassed by you?
236
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:50,051
Um, no!
237
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,096
I think you made it
pretty clear you love everything that I do.
238
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,577
So, you don't think
I'm embarrassed when I have friends over,
239
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,580
and you do one of your
creepy shows with a ventriloquist dummy?
240
00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,582
You bought us
matching outfits!
241
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,236
And you don't think
I was embarrassed
242
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,934
to watch a three-hour
one-man show
243
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:06,894
where you played
an eclectic cast of international characters?
244
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,853
[JAMAICAN ACCENT]
You said my Jamaican accent was spot-on, mon!
245
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,115
And you don't think
I was embarrassed
246
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,988
to run down to your school
with an extra pair of pants
247
00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:17,252
because of the thing
I promised never to speak about?
248
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,427
[GASPS]
249
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,385
[NORMAL VOICE]
Promise broken!
250
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:23,475
Baby, you are ten thousand
times more embarrassing than I will ever be,
251
00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:25,739
but it doesn't matter
because I love you more than anything!
252
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:28,698
Clearly, you don't feel
the same way.
253
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:33,660
And cut!
254
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:34,704
Come on.
255
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,839
ADULT ADAM: Even
though Barry torched his college recco,
256
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:41,450
he knew Doc would be more than happy to write him a new one.
257
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:44,409
Hey, Doc! Got a sec?
Of course, Goldie!
258
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,281
A little time
for my star student.
259
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:50,328
But first, let me wet the
ole whistle with some wine.
260
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:52,287
Oh, you say
this is just water.
261
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:53,636
I didn't say anything.
262
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:58,293
[LAUGHS]
263
00:09:58,336 --> 00:09:59,599
A toast to you!
264
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:00,991
Fun.
265
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:02,558
So, what's the important news?
I'm excited.
266
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,821
You should be. Remember
that letter you wrote me?
267
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,823
Of course. Your college
recommendation letter.
268
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,695
Yeah, that's the one.
269
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,697
Turns out, I read it
against your wishes
270
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,307
and destroyed it
with fire and water.
271
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,961
But you're gonna write me
a new one
272
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:16,006
'cause you did say
I'm your star student.
273
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:18,356
It doesn't feel like that
anymore, pal.
274
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,837
Wow, I'm like
really mad right now.
275
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,360
I understand
why you would be,
276
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:25,233
but I'm very confused by
your smile and cheery tone.
277
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:26,538
Well, let me clear it up.
278
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:29,063
I'm really pissed, and I'm not
gonna write [BLEEP] for you,
279
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:30,891
because what you did
was really [BLEEP] up.
280
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:33,197
But I still need
a recco for college.
281
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:35,547
I'd ask
another teacher, pal. I wish you all the best.
282
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,071
Uh-oh.
Yeah, uh-oh!
283
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:39,116
You better go
because I'm saying words
284
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,814
that I never thought
I would say to a child!
285
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:43,468
[BLEEP] [BLEEP]
286
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,079
Hey, man, you okay?
287
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,950
You've barely touched
your Fruit Roll-Up finger.
288
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,039
Eh. Last night,
I got into it with my mom,
289
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,040
and she
kinda got in my head.
290
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:52,390
How?
291
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:53,783
Do you guys think
I'm embarrassing?
292
00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,046
[CLEARS THROAT]
293
00:10:58,048 --> 00:11:00,311
Oh, balls! You're all
avoiding eye contact!
294
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:03,097
Bro, I think it's pretty
well-known that you're... Unique.
295
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,838
I'd say one of a kind.
Your own man.
296
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:07,667
Those are just nice ways
of saying I'm super embarrassing!
297
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,494
What's up?
298
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,932
Adam's mom caved
and finally admitted the kid's an embarrassment.
299
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:13,411
Oh, sure.
What?
300
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,718
You're my girlfriend!
You're aware of this, too?
301
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:18,155
It's endearing.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Aww...
302
00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,288
Also... [ANGRILY] Aw!
303
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:23,204
How can my own mother
protect and praise me with a lifetime of lies?
304
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:25,206
So, you're saying
she's a bad mom
305
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,861
for accepting the humiliation
you bring her with grace and kindness?
306
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:31,038
Yes!
God, I suck!
307
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,649
For the first time ever,
my mom needed me to support her,
308
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,346
and I flat-out said no.
309
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,131
Well, there has to be some way
you can make it right.
310
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:39,437
It's obvious!
311
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:42,223
I'll just co-host a public
access cooking show with her!
312
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,964
Not sure
how obvious that was.
313
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,748
My mom wants to be
the darling of the food world
314
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:46,923
who sells
millions of cookbooks,
315
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:50,057
and I will not rest
until it happens!
316
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,276
As I was off to help my mom
with her TV dreams,
317
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,626
Barry was on a mission
for a new recco.
318
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,193
All right,
before I do,
319
00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:57,934
let's just take a look
at some of the work
320
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,283
you did this year
in my class.
321
00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:00,807
What is this?
322
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,199
That's my napkin holder.
323
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,027
And this?
324
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:06,203
That's a shoe holder,
for the holding of shoes.
325
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,378
What exactly is this?
326
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:08,989
Bird house.
327
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:11,382
And where exactly
would a bird live?
328
00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:15,430
On top of it.
Or it could lie down here or walk around over here.
329
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,694
Thank you for your time.
330
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,000
You were stage crew
for two days
331
00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,958
and dropped
a chandelier on my head.
332
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,220
Thank you for your time.
333
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,962
In order to save you
time and energy,
334
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:28,486
I've written the
recommendation letter myself.
335
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:31,315
If you could just sign it...
"Barry Goldberg can squat a baby elephant
336
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:34,405
"and bench 275 an unlimited
number of times."
337
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,930
Uh-huh. Just right
at the bottom there...
338
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:39,236
Tell you what,
if you can do one pull up,
339
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,978
I'll sign this letter and walk
it to the college myself.
340
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:44,372
♪♪
341
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:49,899
Thank you for your time.
342
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:52,859
Well, you can't
just give up.
343
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:55,731
You need a good recco
to get into...Shh!
344
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,733
[WHISPERING] Don't say that
word 'cause Dad will hear.
345
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,780
Oh, man, I've sunk
so low that I've stopped my own brother
346
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:01,998
from getting into...
[MOUTHS]
347
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:04,435
[NORMAL VOICE] No!
I destroyed the letter.
348
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:06,873
This whole [MOUTHS]
mess is my fault.
349
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,613
I only convinced you
that Doc wrote you
350
00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:11,355
a bad [MOUTHS] recco
'cause I was jealous.
351
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:13,053
'Cause I'm going to [MOUTHS]?
352
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,184
Yes!
353
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:17,274
You're about to go on
a wild [MOUTHS] adventure.
354
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:19,668
I know I thought
that dropping out of [MOUTHS]
355
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:21,975
was the right move,
but I'm realizing that
356
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,847
I really needed [MOUTHS]
to grow up a bit.
357
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,545
Look,
I know you're freaking out about your future,
358
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:28,895
but if anyone's
gonna be a rock star,
359
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:29,983
it's my rock star sister.
360
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,289
That means a lot.
361
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,943
I'm sorry I've been
such a jerk.
362
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:35,292
It's cool.
363
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:37,207
Everyone stresses out
when it comes to college.
364
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,427
Who said college?
What happened? Tell me!
365
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,864
Okay! Fine! I messed up.
366
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:45,215
No, I did. I got in
Barry's head and made him open his recco.
367
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,130
And then he ruined it.
Wait, you know?
368
00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:48,784
Yes!
I found that charred,
369
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,873
damp letter
right where you left it.
370
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,484
Gah! Why didn't Mom
clean that up?
371
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:54,964
Because you're a dumbass,
372
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,620
which is why I went to Katman
and got you a brand-new recco.
373
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,404
How is this happening?
374
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:03,755
The man said no
and cursed me out in the nicest possible way!
375
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:07,498
Because this man
doesn't take no for an answer when it comes to college.
376
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:08,586
But listen to me.
377
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,589
Do not betray your weird,
happy teacher again.
378
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:14,114
As a matter of fact,
just steer clear of him forever.
379
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:15,767
My God, you're actually
super effective
380
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,030
and good at Dad stuff
when you care.
381
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:19,946
That's on you
for not being interesting.
382
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:22,600
You gotta promise me
you're gonna go against
383
00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:26,735
all your instincts and not be
a moron who opens this letter.
384
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,564
Can you do that?
Can you not be a moron?
385
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:33,133
Honestly, that's asking a lot.
It really is, Dad.
386
00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:35,265
ADULT ADAM: As Barry took on
the challenge of a lifetime,
387
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,615
I was ready to give my mom
her lifelong dream.
388
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:38,660
Oh, Lord.
389
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,358
Oh, Lord in poop.
390
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:42,751
You know what?
You were right.
391
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,622
This is not gonna help me
sell my cookbook.
392
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,450
All I'm gonna do
is make a fool of myself.
393
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,278
Mom! Look at me.
394
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:51,542
You're in my world now,
the AV world.
395
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:52,935
This is where I shine.
396
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,676
So you just have to
follow my lead,
397
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:56,199
and I'll make you look good.
398
00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:58,288
Okay, I am so confused.
You said...
399
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,334
I know what I said,
and I was wrong.
400
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,901
You've always been there
to support me
401
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,555
with your love and kindness
and new pants.
402
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,818
And now it's my turn
to support you.
403
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:09,343
So take my hand
and let's go be on a TV station
404
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:10,779
that legally has to let
anyone on.
405
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,697
Preheat that oven.
406
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,742
It's parmin' time.
407
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:21,355
ADULT ADAM: Oh, yeah. Years of making my own movies had led to this moment.
408
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,879
And rolling.
409
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,404
Hi, I'm Adam...
Ooh, boy.
410
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:29,319
In that moment,
I discovered
411
00:15:29,363 --> 00:15:31,365
that when I go in front
of an actual TV camera,
412
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:34,194
I freeze up
with crippling stage fright.
413
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:37,023
It's true, my body
literally shuts down.
414
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,677
[MUMBLING]
[MUTTERING] Okay...
415
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:40,896
Guess that's my cue.
416
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,767
Hi.
Hello and welcome.
417
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:45,379
I'm Beverly Goldberg,
and this is my little sous-chef, Adam.
418
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,685
Adam, say hello
to the viewers.
419
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:49,513
Adam.
420
00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:52,386
Me.
Now, the secret to shredding mozzarella
421
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:54,997
is to put the block of cheese
in the freezer first.
422
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,956
Sous-chef Adam,
the grater, please.
423
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,220
My hands are numb.
424
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,613
Over the teeth
and through the gums,
425
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:04,920
look out, tummy,
here it comes.
426
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,053
Hoooo!
427
00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:10,056
Whoooo is excited
about my shrimp parm?
428
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,579
Well, I sure as heck am.
429
00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:14,060
Five stars, Mama.
Oh...
430
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,976
You can find this parm
and many more parms like it
431
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,847
in The Beverly Goldberg
Cookbook.
432
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,544
[QUIETLY]
I'm passing out.
433
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:23,939
That's right. Coming soon
to book retailers near you.
434
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,201
I'm passing out.
What?
435
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:26,463
I'm passing out.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
436
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:27,725
Do you want to sit down
or something?
437
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,205
I'm gone! I'm gone.
I'm down.
438
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,861
I'm Beverly Goldberg,
thank you, and good night.
439
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,558
Mama's...
Mama's here, schmoo!
440
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,561
ADULT ADAM:
With my dad's help,
441
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,868
Barry got a new
college recco from Doc, or so he thought.
442
00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:41,522
Hey, Goldie.
443
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,741
Listen, I didn't
sleep all night after I unloaded on you.
444
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:45,221
Not my best me.
445
00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:48,311
No, I deserved that surprising
barrage of potty language.
446
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,922
Look, I know how important
that letter is to you,
447
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,228
so I wrote you another one.
448
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,404
You wrote a third letter?
Third?
449
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,406
Buddy, this is
the second one right here.
450
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:59,931
No,
this is the second letter.
451
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,585
You gave it to my dad
yesterday.
452
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:03,848
He may have given it to you,
but I didn't give it to him.
453
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:07,200
Wait!
That's why my dad told me not to talk to you!
454
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,636
He didn't want us
to figure this out.
455
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:10,638
Figure what out?
What the hell is in that envelope, pal?
456
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:11,900
God only knows!
457
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,423
We gotta open that letter.
458
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:16,122
But what about trust and all
that stuff you got mad about?
459
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,558
I've never been
on this side of it before!
460
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,734
It is really
eating away at me, buddy!
461
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:22,780
Me too!
But how do we open this letter without ruining it?
462
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:25,087
With the answer
to everything.
463
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,307
Science!
464
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:29,744
ADULT ADAM: That day,
my brother set off to solve the mystery of a lifetime,
465
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:30,919
and that night,
466
00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:32,703
I was reliving the
embarrassment of a lifetime.
467
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,966
I'm down.
468
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:38,579
Hey, pickle, maybe you should
just watch The A Teaminstead?
469
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:41,973
I just wanted to see
if my on-camera debut was as bad as I thought.
470
00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:44,454
And it's worse.
[SIGHS]
471
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:47,240
No. You were adorable.
472
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:49,111
You don't have to
do that, Mom.
473
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,721
I just really
wanted to help you.
474
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,375
[REO SPEEDWAGON'S
KEEP ON LOVING YOUPLAYS]
475
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:56,684
Listen, lovebug,
you putting yourself out there to support me,
476
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:59,556
it helped me more
than you could ever know.
477
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,429
Come on, I just ended up
embarrassing you again.
478
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:06,389
Adam, I love every
embarrassing thing about you.
479
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:08,217
It's what makes you
the most special,
480
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:10,567
brilliant boy
anyone could ever ask for.
481
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,659
Well, if this cookbook thing
doesn't pan out,
482
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:18,358
at least we learned you're
shockingly awesome on camera.
483
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,055
Forget TV.
484
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:24,973
That cookbook is my dream,
and knowing I have your support
485
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,758
lets me know
that one day,
486
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:29,238
it'll happen.
487
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:32,589
Until then, I'll leave the
cooking shows to you and Chad.
488
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:35,375
♪ And though I know
all about those men
489
00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:36,637
♪ Still I don't remember
490
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,160
And done.
[SIGHS]
491
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,557
"To whom it may concern.
Barry is fearless
492
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,038
"and has a boundless
passion and enormous appetite for life.
493
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:49,476
"But what I admire most
about my son
494
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:52,914
"is that no one has
bigger dreams and more potential."
495
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,134
Wow, your dad wrote this.
496
00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:01,836
"I might be Barry's father,
but he's the one who teaches me every day."
497
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:07,581
"The only thing
he can't do is know how much I believe in him."
498
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:11,759
♪ And I'm gonna keep on
loving you
499
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:14,675
Wow, I can't believe
Dad wrote such beautiful stuff about you.
500
00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:17,199
Well, you know him.
Anything for college.
501
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,201
College? What about college?
What now?
502
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,290
Actually,
I was just about to send out
503
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:23,901
the recco I got from Doc,
which he gave me today.
504
00:19:23,945 --> 00:19:26,121
So I won't be needing
the one you wrote.
505
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,427
You weren't supposed to
see that.
506
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,734
Well, I did.
507
00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:34,085
♪ And I'm gonna keep on
loving you
508
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,652
♪ 'Cause it's the only thing
509
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,393
Fine, you can keep
the stupid letter.
510
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:41,789
Forever.
511
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:44,313
♪ I don't wanna sleep ♪
512
00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:46,881
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
sometimes even the people you're closest to
513
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,361
can be full of surprises.
514
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,406
Welcome to
The Chadam Cooking Hour!
515
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:52,060
I'm master chef
Chad Kremp!
516
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,975
And I'm sous-chef Adam!
517
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:57,979
Before we begin,
it's important to always stick matzoh to your face!
518
00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:00,503
And make sure to
butter up your face so you can glue it right on.
519
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:01,852
Mmm, yes.
520
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:05,160
ADULT ADAM: In the end, my mom kept working on her cookbook,
521
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,163
but she realized
she didn't have to be Julia Child to be happy
522
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,818
'cause she already had
the recipe for success,
523
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,254
a loving family.
524
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,821
[LAUGHS]
Cooking is fun!
525
00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:16,215
♪♪
526
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,349
I love matzoh!
I love matzoh!
527
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:22,612
BOTH: [LAUGHING]
And I can eat matzoh!
528
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,614
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
529
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:30,054
[VOCALIZING AS BLENDER]
[VOCALIZING AS BLENDER]
530
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:34,102
I got a knife.
I got a knife.
531
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:36,365
Can I do this?
Can I do this?
532
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,324
Can I do this?
Can I do this?
533
00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:40,456
Can I do this?
Can I do this?
534
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,719
Can I do this?
Can I do this?
535
00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:44,721
Can I do this?
Can I do this?
536
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,767
BOTH: Now,
our next ingredient is Cool Whip.
537
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:48,159
Make a beard.
Make a beard.
538
00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:50,727
Put it on your glasses.
Put it on your glasses.
539
00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:54,470
Okay, just mailed in my last
recco and application.
540
00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:56,342
Only a few months left,
and I'm outta this dump.
541
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:58,213
School sucks.
I'll cherish you all.
542
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,434
Our lives
are finally beginning, JTP.
543
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:04,393
I can't wait to come back
for our 10-year reunion
544
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:06,526
and show everyone
how awesome we all are.
545
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:08,310
Oh, we'll show 'em
when I roll up with Erica,
546
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,225
and I'll be like, "'Sup!
This wasn't a fluke."
547
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,619
Well, I'll cruise in
on my rocket boots
548
00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:15,665
and my two wives
named Heather... Locklear and Thomas.
549
00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:18,973
Oh, yeah?
I'm gonna beam here from planet Barry,
550
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:22,759
where I ride space elephants
and rule Rap City with an iron fist.
551
00:21:22,803 --> 00:21:24,587
Wow, I can't wait
for this reunion.
552
00:21:24,631 --> 00:21:26,459
Reunions!
JTP: Reunions!
553
00:21:26,509 --> 00:21:31,059
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